Ray's musings and humor

Archive for October, 2006

Boo!

Shadows of a thousand years rise again unseen,

Voices whisper in the trees, "Tonight is Halloween!"

Dexter Kozen

 

 

I was curious to see what I wrote on Halloween over the years and look what I found

 

October 31, 2000

Today is Halloween and Nevada admission day (to the US, I presume). I wonder if there is a connection, it might explain Vegas.

 

"There" is no better than "here," When your "there" has become a "here," you will simply obtain another "there" that again, looks better than "here."

 

October 31, 2002

I have heard from some of the political pundits that there are really only about 20 truly contested House of Representative seats to be decided in the coming election and that these seats are really too close to call. The implication is that the future of our country may very well be decided by just a few thousand swing voters. There are two such districts right here in Indiana, one in Indianapolis and one to the north of the city. My fellow Hoosiers have an awesome responsibility as their vote, and the vote of their neighbors may decide if we have a Republican run or a Democratic run House of Representatives. For those of you outside the US, Hoosier is the nickname given to people living in Indiana. This is probably the most significant congressional election in many years, not only from the standpoint of the domestic and foreign policy agendas but also because of judicial appointments.

 

While I always have felt that I should vote for the candidate that most represents my beliefs, I now feel I must think beyond my personal choice. When The White House, the Senate, and the House of Representatives are all in the hands of the same party there is limited opportunity for the loyal opposition to be heard. Even though I have been a life-long Republican I am hoping that the government will be split after the elections. I hate the partisanship and political game playing we have seen in recent years. But I hate even more the prospect of being able to ramrod legislation and government appointments that are the product of the control of our government by one party. We are facing some of the greatest challenges in our history it is important that what we do, we do with care and full deliberation.

 

October 31, 2003

BOO!!! It is Halloween. POOF!!! Ray disappeared from Kiwanis International.

Leaving my full time job at Kiwanis will take some adjusting. Too many friends, too much opportunity for service, and something of value to do each day. But like everything else there is a time when we need to let go. In anticipation of my changes a friend sent me this:

To "let go" does not mean to stop caring, it means I can’t do it for someone else.

To "let go" is not to cut myself off, it’s the realization I can’t control another.

To "let go" is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.

To "let go" is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in may hands.

To "let go" is not to try to change or blame another, it’s to make the most of myself.

To "let go" is not to care for, but to care about.

To "let go" is not to fix, but to be supportive.

To "let go" is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.

To "let go" is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to effect their destinies.

To "let go" is not to be protective, it’s to permit another to face reality.

To "let go" is not to deny, but to accept.

To "let go" is not to nag, scold, or argue, but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.

To "let go" is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each day as it comes, and cherish myself in it.

To "let go" is not to criticize and regulate anybody, but to try to become what I dream I can be.

To "let go" is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.

To "let go" is to fear less, and love more.

 

I have found that there is another advantage to embracing the philosophy of letting go, you don’t have to explain your memory loss.

~~~

I’ll bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.

~~~

Retirement Center Sex Guide

  • Put on your glasses. Double check that your partner is actually in bed with you.
  • Set timer for 10 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle.
  • Set the mood with lighting. Turn them ALL OFF!
  • Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial before you begin.
  • Write partner’s name on your hand in case you can’t remember.
  • Keep extra Polygrip close by so your teeth don’t end up under the bed.
  • Have Tylenol ready in case you actually complete the act.
  • Make all the noise you want. The neighbors are deaf too.
  • If it works, call everyone you know with the good news.
  • Don’t even think about trying it twice.

~~~

"I was in the supermarket the other day, and I met a lady in the aisle where they keep the generic brands. Her name was ‘Woman’."

Steven Wright

~~~

Driving to a new restaurant, Margaret took several wrong turns.

When she finally found the right road, she asked her husband, "Why didn’t you tell me I was lost?"

"I thought you knew where you were going," he replied. "You always know where you’re going when I’m driving."

~~~

Be careful of your thoughts, they may become words at any moment.

~~~

She said: My husband had been stationed in Europe and away from home for what seemed like years when I went for my annual gynecological checkup.  My doctor asked the usual questions, including what I was using for birth control.  I gave the only possible response I could:

"The Atlantic Ocean."

~~~

Don’t eat the pink fairies, they’re poisonous.

~~~

A woman, her husband, and their three very rambunctious young sons were in their car waiting at a traffic.  The woman glanced over at the car next them, noticing a blissfully happy mother with her baby daughter.

Looking at her husband she said, "As soon as I lose my weight from the last baby, I want to try for a daughter."

The husband reached up to the dash, grabbed an open box of snacks, and said, "Here, have another cookie."

~~~

It is better to have loved and lost, then to have hated and won.

~~~

Mary:  So we went back to my place, and I put on a little show for him.

Jill:  Ohmigod!  You did a strip tease?

Mary:  No!  I tried to sell him some Tupperware!

~~~

“Whatever they grow up to be, they are still our children, and the one most important of all the things we can give to them is unconditional love. Not a love that depends on anything at all except that they are our children.”

Rosaleen Dickson

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 500 readers from all over the world.

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Sorry, can’t stop now.

“The real dividing line between things we call work and the things we call leisure is that in leisure, however active we may be, we make our own choices and our own decisions. We feel for the time being that our life is our own.”

 

Here we go again, another full and interesting week for me. This morning I attended my first meeting at 6:45 and learned that two people I have met with in the past had found jobs and that was great news. Later I attended a great meeting with the leaders of our cities major Senior’s programs and a University friend. We ended up laying out plans for an exciting Senior Citizen/College Student intergenerational program that will be included in the curricula of a global studies course. This is an exciting first step in our effort to build bridges between the generations.

 

Shortly I am off to the second in a series of lectures on the history and development of China. Tonight I will be attending the Franciscan Center on Global Studies guest lecture series to hear a respected academic from Rutgers speak on “Uses of Just War Ideas in Recent American Debate.”

 

Tomorrow I will meet, for the first time, with someone who is involved in college level distance learning programs. Wednesday I am having coffee with one of my favorite medical buddies who is my Pacemaker guru. Later that day it will be on to one of our cities Colleges to discuss possible community partnerships.

 

OK, now the fun part. On Thursday morning I will be helping man the African Cultural Resources booth at the Indianapolis International Festival. It will be student day and we expect to be busy with kids wanting to learn more about the world. I might even wear my African shirt given me by a friend who recently retuned from Ghana. I may have a hard time looking and acting African but I’ll do my best. It will be easier on Saturday since I will be working at the Nationalities Council booth from 10AM until 2PM. That assignment will be much simpler because of the many nationalities in my background. What is the word they use for humans? I don’t think it’s mongrel.

 

That is all I’ll be up to this week with the exception of a couple of meals with interesting people, a Kiwanis meeting, and other stuff that I will remember later. And of course there will be our daily visits. Life is full and I am pretty sure retirement is grand, although I sometimes wish I had a job so I could take some time off for work. Anyway, I will be looking for you out there and if you see me first stop and say hi.

~~~

“The life of a man consists not in seeing visions and in dreaming dreams, but in active charity and in willing service”

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

~~~

Rules of Management

Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.

If it’s really a "rush job," run in and interrupt me every ten minutes to inquire how it’s going. That helps.

Always leave without telling anyone where you’re going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.

If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books, or supplies, don’t open the door for me. I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and opening doors is good training.

If you give me more than one job to do, don’t tell me which is the priority. Let me guess.

Do your best to keep me late. I like the office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do.

If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret.

If you don’t like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversation.

If you have special instructions for a job, don’t write them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done.

Be nice to me only when the job I’m doing for you could really change your life.

~~~

"One thing vampire children are taught is, never run with a wooden stake."

Jack Handey

~~~

Mike goes to a psychiatrist. "Doc, he says, "I’ve got trouble. Every time I get into bed I think there is somebody under it. I get under the bed and I think there’s somebody on top of it. Top, under, under top. I’m going crazy!! Can you help me?

"Put yourself in my hands for two years, come to me three times a week and I’ll cure you," says the shrink.

"OK, but how much do you charge for this? asks Mike."

"A hundred dollars per visit," says the psychiatrist.

And Mike replies, "I’ll think about it." He never went back. Some time later he met the doctor on the street. "Why didn’t you come to see me again?" asks the psychiatrist.

"$100.00 a visit," Mike says. "Why should I want to pay a hundred bucks a visit? My bartender cured me 100% for just ten dollars."

"Is that so! says the shrink. "Just how did he do that?" And Mike says, "He told me to cut the legs off my bed."

~~~

I know I’m not going to understand women. I’ll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.

~~~

"A Love Poem"

I will seek and find you.

I shall take you to bed and have my way with you.

I will make you ache, shake & sweat until you moan and groan.

I will make you beg for mercy, beg for me to stop.

I will exhaust you to the point that you will be relieved when I’m finished with you.

And, when I am finished, you will be weak for days.

All my love,

*The Flu*

~~~

Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do.

John Wooden

~~~

Father Guffy roared from the pulpit to his parishioners: "The drink has killed millions– it rots their stomachs and they die in agony. Smoking has killed millions–it coats your lungs and you die in agony. Overeating and consorting with loose women have also killed millions…"

"’Scuse me, Father," hollered Reagan from the back, "but what is it that kills the people who live right?

~~~

The Bureau of Incomplete Statistics reports that one out of three.

~~~

She said: I was scheduled to fly from North Carolina to Germany, where my husband was stationed in the military.  As I checked in at the airport, the ticket agent asked me some standard security questions. "Has anyone given you any packages that you didn’t pack yourself?" he asked.  

I told him that my mother-in-law had given me a parcel to take to her son.  

He looked at me very carefully and asked: "Does she like you?" 

~~~

Motherhood ~ If it was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor!

~~~

In the frozen foods department of our local grocery store, I noticed a man shopping with his son.

As I walked by, he checked something off his list, and I heard him whisper conspiratorially to the child, "You know, if we really mess this up, we’ll never have to do it again."

~~~

The happiness that is genuinely satisfying is accompanied by the fullest exercise of our faculties and the fullest realization of the world in which we live.  

Bertrand Russell

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 500 readers from all over the world.

 

25,000 Children will die today!

“If you can’t feed a hundred people, then just feed one.”

Mother Teresa

 

 

I had the good fortune yesterday to go with a friend to hear Jim Morris, the Executive Director of the World Food Program (WFP) speak at Purdue University. I have always been a big fan of Jim’s since his days in then Indianapolis Mayor Dick Lugar’s administration. Jim went on to become the head of the Lilly Endowment, one of our nation’s largest philanthropic organizations. He left the public and not-for-profit sector for a stint in the private sector before accepting the WFP position in April 2002. As you may know the World Food Program is the world’s largest humanitarian agency, it is the food aid branch of the United Nations. From its headquarters in Rome, Italy and more than 80 country offices around the world, WFP works to help people who are unable to produce or obtain enough food for themselves their families.

 

In 2005, WFP distributed 4.2 million metric tons of food to 96.7 million people in 82 countries; 35 million beneficiaries were aided in emergency operations, including victims of conflict, natural disasters and economic failure in countries like Afghanistan, the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea, Pakistan and Niger. Direct expenditures reached US$2.9 billion, with the most money being spent on protracted relief and recovery operations. WFP’s largest country operation in 2005 was Sudan: in Darfur, the program reached 3.4 million people. WFP focuses much of its aid on women and children, with the goal of ending child hunger. In 2005, food assistance was provided to 58 million children, 30 percent of whom were under five. School-feeding program in 74 countries help students focus on their studies and encourage parents to send their children, especially girls, to school.

 

I wish I could report that Jim predicted a brighter future for the malnourished and starving children of the world but he could not. War, Aids, climate change, more frequent natural disasters, and global trade policies all continue to take their toll. He reported that something like 25,000 children die each day of starvation and malnutrition. I could feel Jim’s pain as he shared with us the awesome responsibility that he has as the CEO of one of the world’s largest organizations where he directs thousands of workers all over the globe doing all they can for people in very desperate situations.

 

I could not help but think how easy we all have it and how more of us need to try to find ways to help. I was especially gratified when Jim stopped for a moment and reminded me that we have known each other for about 40 years and thanked me for all the work Kiwanis International has done in partnership with UNICEF. I was again struck by how this warm and highly skilled man has given so much of his life for others. The world is a better place because Jim Morris does not stop and wait for bureaucracies and red tape, rather he always does as much as can be done as quickly as it can be done. In his business each day food is delayed is a day when some of the children who are our future are lost forever.

~~~

There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.

Indira Gandhi

~~~

She said: My husband and I were at my high school reunion. As I looked around, I noticed the other men in their expensive suits and their bulging stomachs. Proud of the fact that he weighed just five pounds more than he did when he was in high school, the result of trying to beat a living out of a rocky hillside farm, he said to me, "I’m the only guy here who can still wear the suit he wore when he graduated."

I glanced at the prosperous, reunion crowd, then back at him, and said, "And you’re the only one who has to."

~~~

The earth is but one country, and mankind its citizens.

~~~

Things Not To Say To A Pregnant Woman

"I finished the ice cream."

"Not to imply anything, but I don’t think the kid weighs 40 pounds."

"Y’know, looking at her, you’d never guess that Pamela Lee had a baby.."

"I sure hope your thighs aren’t gonna stay that flabby forever!"

"Well, couldn’t they induce labor? The 25th is the Super Bowl!"

"Darned if you ain’t about five pounds away from a surprise visit from that Richard Simmons fella."

"Fred at the office passed a stone the size of a pea. Boy, that’s gotta hurt."

"I’m jealous! Why can’t men experience the joy of childbirth?"

"Are your ankles supposed to look like that?"

"Maybe we should name the baby after my secretary, Tawney."

"Retaining water? Yeah, like the Hoover Dam retains water…"

"You don’t have the guts to pull that trigger…"

~~~

The late Bishop Sheen stated that the reason the Irish fight so often among themselves is that they’re always assured of having a worthy opponent.

~~~

A convicted felon was given ten years without parole for his latest crime. After 2 years in jail, he managed to escape. His escape was the lead item on the six o’clock news.

Because he had to be careful, he worked his way home taking little traveled routes, running across deserted fields and taking every precaution he could think of. Eventually he arrived at his house and he rang the bell.

His wife opened the door and bellowed at him, "You good-for-nothing bum! Where the hell have ya been? You escaped over six hours ago."

~~~

Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

~~~

Sharon tells her best friend Ruth, "I’ve broken off my engagement to Morris."

"Oh Sharon," says Ruth, "I’m so sorry. Why?"

"Because my feelings towards Morris have changed – they just aren’t the same anymore," replies Sharon.

"So tell me," whispers Ruth, "are you giving him back the engagement ring?"

"No I’m not," replies Sharon, "my feelings towards the ring haven’t changed."

~~~

Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain – and most do.

Dale Carnegie

~~~

While attending a convention, I breakfasted in a cafe, next to two gray-haired Men from the same symposium. I overheard one remark, "You know, this is the First time in 40 years we’ve gone to one of these without our wives." His pal Leaned back, contemplating what such freedom might portend. "I know," he Said, laying his menu aside. "Let’s have biscuits and gravy!"

~~~

A young mother got upset when she received a nursery school report that described her daughter as "emotionally immature."

She responded with a note that said: "If you cannot be emotionally immature at age three, when CAN you be?"

~~~

Irish lass customer: "Could I be trying on that dress in the window?"

Shopkeeper: "I’d prefer that you use the dressing room."

~~~

The world is so empty if one thinks only of mountains, rivers and cities; but to know someone here and there who thinks and feels with us, and though distant, is close to us in spirit – this makes the earth for us an inhabited garden.

Goethe

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 500 readers from all over the world.

I’ve decided, I am going to do something else.

 “The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live.”

Flora Whittemore

 

 

Yesterday I shared with you some of Robert Holden’s suggestions on how we can focus on what is good in our lives each day. If you are like I am you often get so overloaded with things to do that you end up with no time for yourself. It seems like we decide we have to do everything and never get to decide if all of it is worth it. Here is what Holden offers to help us solve that problem

 

Remember what’s IMPORTANT!

 

Do you remember the Monty Python Sketch about the "Silly Olympics", called the "100 Meters Dash for People With a Poor Sense of Direction"? Well, the gun goes off, and pretty soon the athletes are running backwards, sideways and nowhere. They are running very fast, but they have no direction. This morning, your alarm clock went off, and you too started to run – it’s another busy day, auto-pilot kicks in (thank God!), and you dash from bed to bathroom, have breakfast on the run, tackle the traffic, negotiate the road-rage, and frantically you consult the personal organiser for "What first?", "What next?" and "What now?" Do you know where you are running to? Are you on track? Is there any finishing line in sight?

 

Decide who and what is important to you and give, wholeheartedly of your time, your energy and your attention. People get ill and unhappy because, 1) they forget what is important; 2) they know what is important but their time, energy and attention is spent elsewhere. Do not let details eclipse what is important.

 

Exercise: write down 10 things you love to do, and then write down next to each of these activities the date you last did it; write down 10 people that you love to spend "quality time" with, and again write down the date you last spent "quality time" with each person. Are you still on track? Have you got enough time to do this exercise?

 

Wow, here is a guy who says we should place importance on things that make us happy. I wonder how many test their possible choices by putting them through a happiness filter. We all have things we must do, other things that we think we should do and more things that others want us to do, what many of us lack is the ability to decide what is really worthwhile and what is not. My test often is asking the question “Will the world end if I don’t do this?” And when I am wild and crazy I even tell myself to go ahead have and fun, if I don’t the only one who loses is me.

~~~

“We can try to avoid making choices by doing nothing, but even that is a decision.”

Gary Collins

~~~

Etiquette

1. When one hosts a dinner party, it is essential that all the place mats match, or, at the very least, that they all come from the same fast-food restaurant.

2. Entertaining in your backyard? The key to a nice-looking lawn is a good mower. I recommend one who’s muscular and shirtless.

3. My favorite party game is "Pin the Cleanup on the Guests."

4. Nothing in the world is quite so entertaining as pouring old milk into new containers before having guests over.

5. A good host must always be a STICKLER for attractive food presentation! I always take the foil COMPLETELY OFF the TV dinner before serving.

6. Getting your home in tiptop shape for a party can be fun if you think of it as kicking dust bunnies!

7. Take short cuts! I used to offer my guests instant coffee. They kept whining for hot water to go with it.

8. The best way to prepare a roast is to make an aluminum foil tent over your roasting pan. Similarly, the best way to prepare for relatives is to pitch a tent in the backyard and stay there until they leave.

9. When decorating for a party, be creative with regular household items. Some people might just see a moldy shower curtain with torn eyelets. What do I see? A new tablecloth.

10. The better you cook, the more likely your guests will return. Which is why I’m not usually too hot in the kitchen.

~~~

Warning! I know KARATE!! (and seven other Japanese words)

~~~

Ricky was at the mall and went into a toy shop, picked up a toy plane, gave the shopkeeper fake money and started to leave.

The shopkeeper told him, "Excuse me little boy, this isn’t real money."

Ricky continued walking out of the shop and didn’t reply.

The shopkeeper repeated himself, and Ricky kept walking.

The third time the shopkeeper called him, Ricky said "What?"

The shopkeeper said, "I’m sorry, young man, but this is not real money."

Ricky looked at the plane in his hands, looked at the shopkeeper and finally said, "And this isn’t a real plane."

~~~

Home is where you can say anything you like ’cause nobody listens to you anyway.

~~~

It was the beginning of term at a primary school in Brooklyn. The Teacher asked the children their names one at a time, and for each to Spell their name out loud.

When she came to a young Asian boy and asked his name, he Replied, "Ravashanka Vankatarataam Bannerjee."

"How do you spell that?" asked the teacher.

"My mother helps me," said the little boy.

~~~

Late to Bed, Early to Rise; Work like Hell, and You’ll be Wise.

Hyman G. Rickover, Father of the U.S. Nuclear Navy

~~~

I have been dieting and I thought I would share with you some weigh-in tips:

1. Weigh yourself with clothes on, after dinner … as well as in the morning, without clothes, before breakfast, because it’s nice to see how much weight you’ve lost overnight.

2. Never weigh yourself with wet hair.

3. When weighing, remove everything, including glasses. In this case, blurred vision is an asset.

4. Use cheap scales only, never the medical kind, because they are always five pounds off.

5. Always go to the bathroom first.

6. Stand with arms raised, making pressure on the scale lighter.

7. Don’t eat or drink in the morning until AFTER you’ve weighed in completely naked, of course.

8. Weigh yourself after a haircut, this is good for at least half a pound of hair (hopefully).

9. Exhale with all your might BEFORE stepping onto the scale (air has to weigh something, right?).

10. Start out with just one foot on the scale, then holding onto the towel rack in front of you, slowly edge your other foot on and slowly let off of the rack. Admittedly, this takes time, but it’s worth it. You will weigh at least two pounds less than if you’d stepped on normally.

~~~

Murphy told Quinn that his wife was driving him to drink.

Quinn thinks he’s very lucky because his own wife makes him walk.

~~~

Two nuns were shopping in a food store and happened to be passing the beer and liquor section. One asks the other if she would like a beer. The other nun answered that would be good, but that she would be queasy about purchasing it. The first nun said that she would handle it and picked up a six pack and took it to the cashier.

The cashier had a surprised look and the first nun said, "The beer is used for washing our hair."

The cashier, without blinking an eye, reached under the counter and put a package of pretzels in the bag with the beer saying, "Here, don’t forget the curlers."

~~~

So is cheerfulness, or a good temper, the more it is spent, the more remains.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 500 readers from all over the world.

You won today, did you notice?

Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.

Thich Nhat Hanh:

 

 

I really like what I read in an excerpt from an article by Robert Holden. He said we should look for happiness! Here is what he wrote:

 

Perception is a choice! Who is right, the cynic or the optimist? Do you think the cynic is right? Or will you vote for the optimist? The point is, the cynic and the optimist are both right! Perception is a choice. Be careful what you look for because you will find it! Perception is projection: you see what you want to see. If you are looking for one more reason why you’re in the wrong job, you’ll find it. If you’re looking for one more reason why the world is out to get you, you’ll find it. Similarly, if you look for happiness, happiness finds you.

 

Choose consciously what you are looking for today. You will see a difference if you are willing to see things differently. Outlook determines outcome.

Judging by our day-to-day conversations with friends, family and colleagues, no one is happy, no one is successful and no one is having a good time. "How are you?" we ask, when we greet one another. The replies arrive thick and fast: "Not bad", "Not so bad", and "Not too bad". Some people, more creative, say, "Could be better", "Could be worse", "Bearing up", "Oh, so-so", "Fair to middling", "Hanging in there", "Surviving", or "Can’t complain".

 

How about that! I call this type of inane conversation "Not-so-badder-itis". It is like a "near-life experience", as opposed to a "near-death experience", in that there is no happiness, no sadness, no commitment, no nothing. In our fast and furious world, where no one appears to have the time to engage in mindful conversations, "Not so bad" has become a learned response, a type of social shorthand. It’s quick, it’s easy, and we have no idea what you are talking about!

 

Celebrate the "good news". Sit down, right now, and make a list of ten "successes" you have had in the last week. Yes, ten! They are there if you look for them. For the next seven days, I want you to sit down each evening and make a list of 5 successes you have had for each day. Affirm and acknowledge your successes, your joy, your good fortune.

 

Good advice? You bet! I believe that we find it way too easy to overlook the small wins that we all have each week. For some reason they often seem overshadowed by even the smallest disappointments. I wonder sometimes if we have been trained to want everything to always be perfect to the point that we are blind to all that is good in our lives.

~~~

People spend a lifetime searching for happiness; looking for peace. They chase idle dreams, addictions, religions, even other people, hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them. The irony is the only place they ever needed to search was within.

Ramona L. Anderson

~~~

I’m Only Mature

Today at the drugstore, the clerk was a gent.

From my purchase this chap took off ten percent.

I asked for the cause of a lesser amount;

And he answered, "Because of the Seniors Discount"

 

I went to McDonald’s for a burger and fries; and there, once again, got quite a surprise.

The clerk poured some coffee which he handed to me.

He said, "For you, Seniors, the coffee is free." Understand—I’m not old—I’m merely mature;

But some things are changing, temporarily, I’m sure.

 

The newspaper print gets smaller each day, And people speak softer—can’t hear what they say.

My teeth are my own (I have the receipt.), and my glasses identify people I meet.

Oh, I’ve slowed down a bit…not a lot, I am sure.

You see, I’m not old…I’m only mature.

 

The gold in my hair has been bleached by the sun.

You should see all the damage that chlorine has done.

Washing my hair has turned it all white,

But don’t call it gray…saying "blonde" is just right.

 

My car is all paid for…not a nickel is owed.

Yet a kid yells, "Old duffer…get off of the road!"

My car has no scratches…not even a dent.

Still I get all that guff from a punk who’s "Hell bent."

 

My friends all get older…much faster than me.

They seem much more wrinkled, from what I can see.

I’ve got "character lines," not wrinkles…for sure,

But don’t call me old…just call me mature.

 

The steps in the houses they’re building today

Are so high that they take…your breath all away;

And the streets are much steeper than ten years ago.

That should explain why my walking is slow.

 

But I’m keeping up on what’s hip and what’s new,

And I think I can still dance a mean boogaloo.

I’m still in the running…in this I’m secure,

"I’m not really old…I’m only mature.

~~~

Always do right. This will gratify some people, and astonish the rest.

Mark Twain

~~~

She said: When our dryer broke, my husband set to work. He found the problem quickly and, since he needed to replace the belt, decided to repair a cracked knob and a broken hinge too.

Upon arrival at the Sears parts counter, he said he needed a belt, knob, hinge, and a crescent-shaped wire he’d found inside the dryer. He didn’t know where it belonged, but he confidently assured the clerk that he could figure it out once he got into the job.

"I have the other parts," the clerk said, "but for the wire you have to go to Lingerie. This is an underwire from your wife’s bra."

~~~

A loyal friend laughs at your jokes when they’re not so good, and sympathizes with your problems when they’re not so bad.

Arnold H. Glasow

~~~

After waiting more than an hour and a half for her date, the young lady decided she had been stood up.  She changed from her dinner dress into pajamas and slippers, fixed some popcorn and resigned herself to an evening of TV.

No sooner had she flopped down in front of the TV than her doorbell rang. There stood her date.

He took one look at her and gasped, "I’m two hours late . . . and you’re still not ready?"

~~~

"You can always tell a man who is a non-conformist, because he looks just like every other non-conformist."

~~~

Max Levy goes to his doctor complaining of aches and pains all over his body. After a thorough examination, the doctor gives him a clean bill of health. "Max, you’re in excellent shape for an 85 year old man. But I’m not a magician – I can’t make you any younger", says the doctor.

"Who asked you to make me younger?" says Max. "Just make sure I get older!"

~~~

Forgiving means to pardon the unpardonable.

Faith means believing the unbelievable.

And hoping means to hope when things are hopeless.

G.K. Chesterton

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 500 readers from all over the world.

Four Day Week

"The mind is not a vessel to be filled but a fire to be kindled." 
Plutarch

 

 

Sorry gang, I am running way behind today and will be gone tomorrow so I am sending you something from the past as the lead and a little more for the balance of the daily. I am off to find fame and fortune tomorrow; I will tell you the result if I am successful. I will be back to you in a couple of days.

~~~

Recently I shared with you my concern with University education becoming vocational education and the implications of this on the future, I said I wanted to ponder the issue, well no need, I wrote the following five years ago.

 

At the summit, university presidents and others made a significant number of comments about the dramatic shift away from the liberal arts and social sciences to career oriented university education. Some course offerings in the humanities have even been eliminated due to lack of student interest. While I am not as close to our K-12 system that I was years ago I would not be surprised that the back to basics movement coupled with severe budget cuts has resulted in a similar change in our primary and secondary schools. I also wonder about latchkey kids who spend all their free time with computer games that emphasize winning by making sure your opponent looses. I worry about kids who are so computer bound that their best friend is an unknown person out in cyberspace, someone that their parents will never meet or even know exists. I am concerned about children who will never have the opportunity to discover those things that have given life meaning to so many of us over the centuries. Children who are at risk because they have never developed the ability to critique the ideas that are thrust upon them by peers and total strangers.

 

Today we face an ever-changing world, things will never be the same, and globalization is here to stay. We also are faced with a population that may behave completely different than any time in the past, because of current events. What bothers me is that we have one or more generations who may not cope well with today’s reality, they have only known relative prosperity. Our safety nets and social infrastructures have been built in the belief that everything would go on as before, forever, and now may be stretched to the breaking point. It appears that we may have built a materialistic society where individuals keep score only by the income they make–more is always better.

 

If this is today’s reality then I feel we have left many of our children and their children unprepared. Our ability to see and enjoy the beauty around us and our ability to hear and be moved by music, literature and the theatre have made life meaningful for millions during the difficult periods in our past. My generation has been tested by war, epidemics, economic crisis, and other events and we know that the world is not always as we would like it to be. We know that often we can be at our best when we must sacrifice. We know that there is much to enjoy in our world that does not require a large income or expensive toys. Have we become so focused on playing today’s games that we have let our children down? Have we been so shortsighted that we have turned our educational system into an almost exclusively vocational education system? Is it time for us to devote some of our time and energy to help others find those things that will help them add meaning to their lives as they face the difficult days ahead? We may have been part of the problem, but I know we can be part of the solution.

 

The tough part for an optimist like me is that I have more concerns, but I will save them for another day.

 

Sadly I still feel this is what is going on today, if anything it might even be worse. I wish that when I revisited past thoughts like these that I learned that what I wrote was wrong, unfortunately I don’t that is the case this time.

~~~

"But if you ask what is the good of education in general, the answer is easy:

that education makes good men, and that good men act nobly."

Plato

~~~

Retirees: The Whole Truth, Nothing But…

Question: How many days in a week?

Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday

Question: When is a retiree’s bedtime?

Answer: Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch.

Question: How many retirees to change a light bulb?

Answer: Only one, but it might take all day.

Question: What’s the biggest gripe of retirees?

Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done.

Question: Why don’t retirees mind being called Seniors?

Answer: The term comes with a 10% percent discount.

Question: Among retirees what is considered formal attire?

Answer: Tied shoes.

Question: Why do retirees count pennies?

Answers: They are the only ones who have the time.

Question: What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire?

Answer: NUTS!

Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage?

Answer: They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.

Question: What do retirees call a long lunch?

Answer: Normal.

Question: What is the best way to describe retirement?

Answers: The never ending Coffee Break.

Question: What’s the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree?

Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.

Question: Why does a retiree often say he doesn’t miss work, but misses the people he used to work with?

Answer: He is too polite to tell the whole truth.

Share this one with all the retirees that you know. I’m sure they can relate to some of them!

AND, If you have not yet retired, look what you have to look forward too….

~~~

Lead me not into temptation. I know my way.

~~~

To impress his date, the young man took her to a very chic Italian restaurant.

After sipping some fine wine, he picked up the menu and studied it with an appraising eye.

"We’ll have the Giuseppe Spomdalucci," he said finally.

"Sorry, sir," said the waiter. "That’s the owner."

~~~

We are not Human Beings having a spiritual experience.

We are Spiritual Beings having a human experience.

Dr. Wayne W. Dyer

~~~

Every morning for years, at about 11:30, the telephone operator in a small Sierra-Nevada town received a call from a man asking the exact time. One day the operator summed up nerve enough to ask him why the regularity. "I’m foreman of the local sawmill," he explained. "Every day I have to blow the whistle at noon so I call you to get the exact time." The operator giggled, "That’s really funny," she said. "All this time we’ve been setting our clock by your whistle.

~~~

An American lawyer asked, "Paddy, why is it that whenever you askan Irishman a question, he answers with another question?"

"Who told you that?" asked Paddy.

~~~

Procrastinators Unite… Tomorrow!

~~~

Last month, after much deliberation, I bought a magnolia tree from our local nursery.  After only a few weeks I noticed that the leaves had started to shrivel and the tree appeared to be on its last legs in spite of my tender care. So I took some leaf samples and marched back to the nursery to demand an explanation or get my money back.

"I know exactly what’s wrong with your magnolia," said the manager.

"Good!" I exclaimed. "What’s it suffering from?"

You can imagine how stupid I felt when he simply said, "autumn."

~~~

"If we are to reach real peace in this world we shall have to begin with the children."

Mohandas Gandhi

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 500 readers from all over the world.

Sorry, I am busy right now.

“Let the refining and improving of your own life keep you so busy that you have little time to criticize others.”

H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

 

 

Does anyone know if you can retire from retirement? It seems lately that I am busier now than I was when I was supposed to be busy. Today was another one of those, where-did-the-time-go days. I got up early jumped on the tread mill, handled the critical e-mails, got on the phone for a planning discussion, followed-up on the works in progress, caught a very early movie that everyone said I should not miss, went shopping for food, got my Flu and Pneumonia shots, and now getting ready to prepare a New England boiled dinner for my spouse (she loves me so much she has me do all the cooking and food shopping), but before I can cook I must do the daily. I don’t I have any creative energy left so I may cheat a little today.

 

I will share with you that I am a little frustrated since nothing I did cut anything of my things-to-do list and that is frustrating. So here is my plan. I am going to try to find my old things-to-do list, eliminate what I can and add some new items such as, breathe all day, eat breakfast lunch and dinner, brush, wash, laugh, walk, drive, and anymore that I can think off. Can you imagine how good I am going to feel tomorrow night when I will be able to scratch off ten or more items as completed on my things to do list. I am excited by the fact that I now have some achievable goals. I hope I don’t fail at any of them, especially the breathing one.

 

Busy, busy, busy…

by Ed Matlack

 

Cut the lawn,

Trim the weeds,

Rake the leaves,

Plant some seeds…

Wash the cars,

Sit and watch the stars,

While smoking cigars,

And drinking from old fruit jars…

Walk the mutt,

Get out of this rut,

Of being a computer nut,

Maybe I can work off this gut…

Though there is something to be said,

For relaxing all day, letting the sun make me red,

The day is half over; I just awoke,

Let me get my ass in gear by drinking some coffee and coke…

~~~

Maybe Matlack is right, there is too much to do so I am off for some coffee, see you Monday.

~~~

"MARRIAGE DEFINITIONS"

BACHELOR:

1) A guy who has avoided the opportunity to make some woman miserable.

2) A guy who is footloose and fiancée-free.

3) A man who never makes the same mistake once.

4) A nice guy who has cheated some nice girl out of her alimony.

5) A person who believes in life, liberty, and the happiness of pursuit.

6) The only man who has never told his wife a lie.

BRIDE: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.

COMPROMISE: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way.

DIPLOMAT: A man who can convince his wife she would look fat in a fur coat.

GENTLEMAN: 1) A husband who steadies the stepladder so that his wife will not fall while she paints the ceiling. 2) A man who, when his wife drops her knitting, kicks it over to her so that she can easily pick it up.

HOUSEWORK: What the wife does that nobody notices until she doesn’t do it.

HUSBAND: 1) A man who gives up privileges he never realized he had. 2) A person who is the boss of his house and has his wife’s permission to say so.

JOINT CHECKING ACCOUNT: A handy little device which permits the wife to beat the husband to the draw.

LOVE: An obsessive delusion that is cured by marriage.

MISS: A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market.

MISTRESS: Something between a mister and a mattress.

MOTHER-IN-LAW: A woman who destroys her son-in-law’s peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.

MRS.: A job title involving heavy duties, light earnings, and no recognition.

SPOUSE: Someone who will stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn’t have had if you’d stayed single in the first place.

WIFE: A mate who is forever complaining about not having anything to wear at the very same time that she complains about not having enough room in the closet.

~~~

Help Wanted – Telepath. You know where to apply.

~~~

While waiting in line at the bank, a man developed a very loud case of hiccups. By the time he reached the teller’s window, the hiccups seemed to have worsened. The teller took his check and proceeded to run a computer verification of his account. After a minute, she looked up from her terminal with a frown and said that she would be unable to cash his check.

"Why not"? The man asked incredulously.

"I’m sorry, sir," she replied, "but our computer indicates that you do not have sufficient funds to cover this amount. As a matter of fact," she continued, "our records show your account overdrawn in excess of $5,000."

"It can’t be!" he cried. "You have to be kidding!"

"Yes, I am," she answered with a smile, counting out his cash. "But you will notice that your hiccups are gone."

~~~

Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living;

the world owes you nothing; it was here first.

Mark Twain

~~~

Almost 150 yrs. ago, President Lincoln found it necessary to hire a private investigator – Mr. Alan Pinkerton. He was actually the beginning of the Secret Service.  

Since that time the federal police authority has grown to a large number of three-letter agencies – FBI, CIA, INS, IRS, DEA, BATF, SS, ATF, etc. Now comes a proposal for another agency: The "Federal Air Transportation Airport Security Service."  

Can’t you see it now, the new service in their black outfits with their initials in large white letters across their backs? ‘FATASS’.  

~~~

They told me to backup my hard drive, anyone know how to put it in reverse?

~~~

Jill was really peeved!  She was arguing with the druggist because her favorite cure-all could not be bought without a prescription.

"Look, lady.  You can’t have this without a prescription because it’s a habit-forming drug."

"IT IS NOT!" yelled Jill.  "I ought to know…I’ve been taking it regularly for seventeen years!"

~~~

“Don’t be so busy making a living that you forget what you are living for.”

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 500 readers from all over the world.

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