Ray's musings and humor

Archive for March, 2012

I have a great collection, thank you!

“Friends are the Angels that help you fly”

Julia VeRost

 

I have been thinking lately about how fortunate I am to have met and been with so many interesting people. Many have become good friends while others enrich my life by sharing their wisdom and opening up new opportunities for adventure. I will always be grateful to those who have become my friend and to those who have provided me entry into the many organizations I have been privileged to help.

Here is something I saved a number of years ago, I don’t even know who wrote it but it more clearly states why my hobby of collecting friends has done so much for me.

 

Life

Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there, to serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson, or to help you figure out who you are or who you want to become. You never know who these people may be – a roommate, a neighbor, a professor, a friend, a lover, or even a complete stranger – but when you lock eyes with them, you know at that very moment they will affect your life in some profound way.

Sometimes things happen to you that may seem horrible, painful, and unfair at first, but in reflection you find that without overcoming those obstacles you would have never realized your potential, strength, willpower, or heart. Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness, and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul. Without these small tests, whatever they may be, life would be like a smoothly paved straight flat road to nowhere. It would be safe and comfortable, but dull and utterly pointless.

The people you meet who affect your life, and the success and downfalls you experience, help to create who you are and who you become. Even the bad experiences can be learned from. In fact, they are sometimes the most important ones.

If someone loves you, give love back to them in whatever way you can, not only because they love you, but because in a way, they are teaching you to love and how to open your heart and eyes to things. If someone hurts you, betrays you, or breaks your heart, forgive them, for they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious to whom you open your heart.

Make every day count. Appreciate every moment and take from those moments everything that you possibly can for you may never be able to experience it again. Talk to people that you have never talked to before, and listen to what they have to say.

Let yourself fall in love, break free, and set your sights high. Hold your head up because you have every right to. Tell yourself you are a great individual and believe in yourself, for if you don’t believe in yourself, it will be hard for others to believe in you.

You can make anything you wish of your life. Create your own life and then go out and live it with absolutely no regrets. And if you love someone tell them, for you never know what tomorrow may have in store.

~~~

“Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.”

Anais Nin

~~~

The doctor told Feldman, a condominium tycoon, that he needed an operation. He said, “Do you want a local anesthetic?”

Feldman shook his head. “Let’s not pinch pennies, doctor. Get the best — use the imported.”

~~~

“Happiness is a by-product of an effort to make someone else happy.”

Gretta Brooker Palmer.

~~~

Morris a young Jewish lad entered Notre Dame to play football. At the end of the season, he returned home. As luck would have it, he ran into his Rabbi at the airport. The rabbi asked, “Are they trying to convert you at Notre Dame ?”

The youngster said, “Of course not, Father!”

~~~

Our church welcomes all denominations….tens, twenties, fifties…

~~~

A young minister sitting down to dinner was about to say grace when he opened the casserole dish that his thrifty bride had prepared from all of the refrigerator leftovers.

“I don’t know,” he said dubiously, “but it seems to me that I’ve blessed all this stuff before.”

~~~

Last week I forgot how to ride a bicycle.

Steven Wright

~~~

Kyle and Justin were about to eat with the baby sitter when 6 year old Kyle said, “You can’t sit in Daddy’s seat!”

“Daddy’s not home,” the baby sitter replied. “Since I’m responsible for you while he’s gone, I can sit here.  Today I’m the boss.”

Justin, the 4 year old, quickly piped up, “If you’re the boss, you sit over there in Mommy’s chair!”

~~~

Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Native American Indian.

Robert Orben

~~~

“How long have you been driving without a tail light, buddy?” demanded the policeman.

The driver jumped out, ran to the rear of his car, and gave a low moan.

His distress was so great that the cop was moved to ease up on him a bit.

“Aw, come now,” he said, “you don’t have to take it so hard.  It isn’t that serious.”

“It isn’t?” cried the motorist.

“What happened to my boat and trailer?”

~~~

If I can be of any help, you’re in worse trouble than I thought.

~~~

An insurance agent was teaching his wife to drive when the brakes suddenly failed on a steep, downhill grade.

“I can’t stop!” she shrilled.  “What should I do?”

“Brace yourself,” advised her husband, “and try to hit something cheap.”

~~~

“A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart, and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words.”

Donna Roberts

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

I really like the new me!

It is amazing how much crisper the general experience of life becomes when your body is given a chance to develop a little strength.

Frank Duff,

 

Today I move to a new regimen in my effort to sustain the health gains I have made over the last 3 months. I have lost twenty pounds so far and plan on losing more. I was pleased that my current weight has moved me out of the obese class into the top rung of the overweight. Since I don’t think I am going to get taller or replace fat with muscle I will continue to diet and exercise. Up until today I exercised at the cardiac rehab facility wearing a heart monitor, from now on I will still work out there but without the heart monitor and I will be self-managing my routine.

I am doing really well and the rewards have been great for I have not had any significant angina for some time, I have substantially more stamina, and best of all I am enjoying each day. As I was doing some “get Healthy” research I stumbled across the following which just validated what I have been doing so I thought I would share it with you.

 

5 Simple Steps to Maintaining Healthy Habits

 

Keep the Goal Visible to Embrace Healthy Habits

The first step is to keep the goal in sight at all times. Writing the desired new habit on sticky notes and placing them next to the computer screen, in the purse or billfold, by the clock, and any other place the eyes are regularly drawn during the day can be extremely motivational.

For me all it has taken is to set a daily goal of weighing a little bit less than the day before. The first thing every morning I weigh in on a digital scale and record the results down to a tenth of a pound.

 

Learn the Facts – Get the Information to Inspire Change

Reading books, magazine, and news articles which provide scientific data to substantiate the health claims of the new habit being established will make the end result of the efforts expended seem well worth it. For example, grasping the grim statistics about smoking and obesity will deter behaviors that lead to these habits. Also, learning about the specific benefits of making good eating choices and exercising regularly will give several great reasons to keep these habits in the forefront.

I found that I can enjoy the right foods and so I don’t find eating more fruits, vegetables and whole grains as well as eating smaller quantities to be a problem, in fact I treat new tastes as an adventure.

 

Establish Accountability

The next of the 5 steps in maintaining healthy habits, establishing accountability, may be the most important. Humans seem to need an extra set of eyes watching to keep them straight; this is the reason for a boss on the job. Although maintaining healthy habits does not require a boss, it does work better with a partner.

This really works well for me, every day I report my weight and amount of exercise to my friend Mary and she reports to me the results of her extended treadmill activity. I feel that when I slip I am not only disappointing myself I also have to disappoint my health partner.

 

Allow for Failures and Reward Your Achievements

The last two of the 5 simple steps to maintaining healthy habits are the easiest. Failure will come; allow for it. If a day comes when the new habit takes a back seat to other pressing matters, forgive, and press on. The intention is to develop the habit for a lifetime. This may be encouraged by establishing small goals and setting aside a reward for reaching them.

Without letting it get out of hand this adds additional motivation. I can tell you that first hand as I loved the small steak and shrimp dinner I had at one of our cities finest steak houses Friday night, I was up a little over a pound Saturday morning but I lost most of it by Sunday morning and am now back on track. Now that I’ve decided that the path to good health can be fun as well as rewarding I will start to develop my health maintenance plan.

~~~

“Make the most of yourself, because that’s all there is of you.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

~~~

Patient:  It isn’t possible that I’m as overweight as you say I am.

Doctor:  Maybe you would prefer to look at it in a different way.  According to this chart, you’re about 10 inches too short.

~~~

Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door.

~~~

A troop of Boy Scouts was being used as “guinea pigs” in a test of emergency systems. A mock earthquake was staged, and the Scouts impersonated wounded persons who were to be picked up and cared for by the emergency units. One Scout was supposed to lie on the ground and await his rescuers, but the first-aid people got behind schedule, and the Scout lay “wounded” for several hours.

When the first-aid squad arrived where the casualty was supposed to be, they found nothing but a brief note: “Have bled to death and gone home.”

~~~

“Little minds are interested in the extraordinary; great minds in the commonplace.”

Elbert Hubbard

~~~

The flower vendor was an old hand at unloading his last few bunches. Appealing to a businessman on his way home, the vendor said, “How about a nice bunch of roses to surprise your wife?”

“Haven’t got a wife,” responded the businessman gruffly.

“Then how about some carnations for your girlfriend?” proposed the vendor without missing a beat.

“Haven’t got a girlfriend.”

“You lucky guy!” The vendor broke into a big smile. “Buy both bunches to celebrate!”

~~~

How come wrong numbers are never busy?

~~~

Mrs. Smith was in the habit of having long conversations on the telephone, sometimes going on over an hour. One day she hung up after only 25 minutes. “What’s the matter?” asked her husband. “You had less than half an hour conversation on the phone.”

“I got a wrong number,” replied Mrs. Smith.

~~~

“As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it, or leave it.”

Buddy Hackett

~~~

A newsboy was standing on the corner with a stack of papers, yelling, “Read all about it.  Fifty people swindled!  Fifty people swindled!”

Curious, a man walked over, bought a paper, and checked the front page.  Finding nothing, the man said, “There’s nothing in here about fifty people being swindled.”

The newsboy ignored him and went on, calling out, “Read all about it.

Fifty-one people swindled!”

~~~

“Health and cheerfulness naturally beget each other.”

Joseph Addison

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

Did you decide to be happy?

“Those who wish to sing always find a song.”

Swedish proverb

 

I have often been asked over the years why it is that I seem happier than most, especially when faced with adversity. I have even been accused by docs and nurses of being a little bit weird since I don’t seem to let a serious illness take me down. There have been occasions in the past where my management at the time got upset because I did not let a business setback drive me to distraction, choosing rather to pick up the pieces, correct what I could and move on.

I think one of the reasons that I seem to be able to live through some really bad situations and come out the other side with a smile is that early in life I found that the world does not end when we have a setback; in fact in my experience we often blow out of proportion our difficulties. I honestly believe that one of life’s greatest enhancers is deciding to choose happiness while avoiding spending time on things we cannot change. I have found that I don’t need every new wiz bang and when I ask myself “can I live without this,” the answer is almost always yes. I have found that it is perfectly alright that not everyone likes me for I have many who do. I have also found that if I live each day doing the best I can I seldom end the day regretting something I did or did not do.

I often ask myself if I would like me as a friend and misguided as I might be so far the answer has been yes. What about you, would you be happy to have yourself as a friend? If not then try choosing happiness as a life style it is the best gift you could possibly give yourself. Here is something I copied years ago that can change your life.

Admit to being frightened, and your courage will grow.

Admit to not knowing, and you will learn.

Admit your weaknesses, and you’ll become stronger.

Admit your mistakes, and you’ll begin to move past them.

Admit you don’t know what to say, and you’ll have said just the right thing.

Admit that you’re confused, and you’ll begin to understand.

Admit that you’re hurting, and you’ll begin to heal.

Admit that you care, and the things that truly matter will grow stronger.

Being honest with yourself, with others, with life, can often be difficult and intimidating. Yet honesty is always the most reliable, the most direct route to truly attain whatever you seek. Any attempt to deceive will ultimately end up wasting your precious time. Live the truth of who you are, and it will bring out the best you can be.

~~~

Do not look back on happiness or dream of it in the future. You are only sure of today; do not let yourself be cheated out of it.

Henry Ward Beecher

~~~

“Why are you so upset?”

“My wife introduced me to her psychiatrist this morning.”

“So what?”

“So she said to him, ‘Doctor, this is my husband. You know, one of the men I’ve been telling you about’.”

~~~

I was strongest when I laughed at my weakness.

Elmer Diktonius

~~~

“What happened?” asked the hospital visitor of the heavily bandaged man sitting up in bed.

“Well, I went down to Six Flags over the weekend and decided to take a ride on one of the roller coasters. As we came up to the top of the highest loop, I noticed a little sign by the side of the track. I tried to read it but it was very small and I couldn’t make it out. I was so curious that I decided to go round again, but we went by so quickly that I couldn’t see what the sign said. By now, I was determined to read that sign so I went round a third time. As we reached the top, I stood up in the car to get a better view.”

“And did you manage to see what the sign said this time?” asked the visitor.

“Yes.”

“What did it say?”

“Don’t stand up in the car!”

~~~

“There are two types of people–those who come into a room and say, ‘Well, here I am!’ and those who come in and say, ‘Ah, there you are.'”

Frederick Collins

~~~

These four rabbis had a series of theological arguments, and three were always in accord against the fourth. One day, the odd rabbi out, after the usual “3 to 1, majority rules” statement that signified that he had lost again, decided to appeal to a higher authority.

“Oh, God!” he cried. “I know in my heart that I am right and they are wrong! Please give me a sign to prove it to them!”

It was a beautiful, sunny day. As soon as the rabbi finished his prayer, a storm cloud moved across the sky above the four. It rumbled once and dissolved. “A sign from God! See, I’m right, I knew it!” But the other three disagreed, pointing out that storm clouds form on hot days.

So the rabbi prayed again: “Oh, God, I need a bigger sign to show that I am right and they are wrong. So please, God, a bigger sign!” This time four storm clouds appeared, rushed toward each other to form one big cloud, and a bolt of lightning slammed into a tree on a nearby hill.

“I told you I was right!” cried the rabbi, but his friends insisted that nothing had happened that could not be explained by natural causes.

The rabbi was getting ready to ask for a VERY big sign, but just as he said, “Oh God…,” the sky turned pitch black, the earth shook, and a deep, booming voice intoned, “HEEEEEEEE’S RIIIIIIIGHT!”

The rabbi put his hands on his hips, turned to the other three, and said, “Well?”

“So,” shrugged one of the other rabbis, “now it’s 3 to 2.”

~~~

Surprises, by their nature, come in disguise, masked sometimes as disappointments or detours when they’re in fact dreams turning solid, if you’ll just step aside and give them some air.

Nancy Gibbs

~~~

A TEENAGER who had just received her learner’s permit offered to drive her parents to church. After a wild ride, they finally reached their destination. The driver’s mother got out of the car and said, “Thank you.”

“Anytime,” her daughter replied.

As the woman slammed the door, she said, “I wasn’t talking to you. I was talking to God.”

~~~

We can travel a long way and do many things, but our deepest happiness is not born from accumulating new experiences, it is born from letting go of what is unnecessary, and knowing ourselves to be always at home.

Sharon Salzberg

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

Ray is taking the day off!

“Actually ideas are everywhere. It’s the paperwork, that is, sitting down and thinking them into a coherent story, trying to find just the right words, that can and usually does get to be labor.”

Fred Saberhagen

 

I have a case of writers block today; I hope you will forgive me. I had thought of sending you a blank sheet Daily and then concentrating real hard so the page would fill telepathically but I got a headache when I tried to do it so you get this instead.

 

Ray’s Daily first published on March 8, 2005

Don’t get too close!! I think I still may be capable of spreading the germ I caught. The good news is that I am on the road to recovery, thanks in no small part to my favorite Doctor. I am glad I had no shame Saturday night and paged her. Even though she was about to enter the movies she called in magic meds to my local pharmacy. Our friendship is not based on her medical skills but boy was I glad we are friends.

I was supposed to report to jury duty yesterday but my Doc friend ordered me not to go. Since I did not want to start an epidemic in Indianapolis, I stayed home. While I could have opted out because of my age when I was first notified, I chose not to do so. I figured that if I was capable of serving I should do so, so much for altruism. Anyway I did not get arrested and they have graciously told me to give them another month when I will appear. I am not sure how long this can go on, I got a deferment in January as I was going to be out of the country, I didn’t appear this time because of sickness, maybe I should take the old guy option and bow out. My problem is that I don’t find my age to be a handicap and don’t think the state should either. Oh what to do, what to do.

I have to go out this morning on an important mission and I will be seeing some of the people who get our daily. If you are one of them, don’t worry, I will be sterilized, no I mean I was sterilized, that didn’t come out right either. Maybe I should just not breathe on you.

~~~

For every ailment under the sun,

There is a remedy, or there is none,

If there be one, try to find it;

If there be none, never mind it.

Mother Goose

~~~

“Over The Hill?” And ain’t it funny how when you’re 50, suddenly 60 doesn’t sound all that old anymore.

I’d love to know what part of the body whoever said “Life begins at forty” was referring to — seems to me that every damn thing else is starting to wear out then. Middle age is usually reckoned at between 40 – 60. It’s easy to tell when you hit there though, regardless of age, by the way it hits you back. You younger people out there — wait until the first time your kids or Grandkids reveal that they are studying in “history class” events you lived through.

~~~

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.

~~~

She defines the perfect marriage:

He has two chances of winning an argument with her, slim and none.

She leads a double life – hers and his.

He comes right out and says what she tells him to think.

She does not have to raise the roof; all she has to do is raise an eyebrow.

He always has the last word – he says, “I apologize”.

The last big decision she let him make was whether to wash or to dry.

He was a dude before marriage – now he is subdued.

He married her for her looks, but not the kind he’s getting now.

She even complains about the noise he makes, when he is fixing his own breakfast.

Every once in awhile she comes to him on her bended knees. She dares him to come out from under the bed.

~~~

ZUCCHINI: Vegetable which can be baked, boiled, fried or steamed before kids refuse to eat it.

~~~

A picky customer comes to a small food shop and sees a new delivery of fresh fruit. “Give me two pounds of oranges and wrap every orange up in a separate piece of paper, please,” he says to the saleswoman. She does.

“And three pounds of cherries, please, and wrap up every one in a separate piece of paper, too.” She does.

“And what is that there,” he asks pointing out a bushel in the corner.

“Raisins,” says the saleswoman, “but…     ah…. er… they’re not for sale!”

~~~

I’m really glad the guy who invented the Ray Gun was named Ray. Being shot with a Fred gun just wouldn’t sound as cool..

Bob Neanover

~~~

Two Wal-Mart greeters were sitting on bench during break. One turns to the other asking, “Slim, I’m 73 years old and I’m just full of aches and pains, I know you are about my age, How do you feel?

Slim says, “I feel just like a new born babe.”

Rather amazed his co-worker repeats his statement in the form of a question, “Really? A new born babe???”

“Yup”, grins Slim, “No teeth, No hair and I think I just wet my pants.”

~~~

“Those who dwell among the beauties and mysteries of the earth are never alone or weary of life.”

Rachel Carson

~~~

She said: No matter how hard my mom tries, every plant or flower she has attempted to grow seems to wither and die an untimely death under her care. But she never gives up hope. While she was visiting home recently, my sister nudged me and pointed to a row of new plants placed by the kitchen window.

“Look,” she whispered…. as we both giggled…                  “death row.”

~~~

If your ship doesn’t come in, swim out to it.

Jonathan Winters

~~~

Fresh out of high school, I found a job cleaning the elegant home of an older couple.  Among other duties, I had to dust their many imported carvings and petrified collectibles as well as pick up after their pets. One day I was astonished to find two ivory fossils lying on the floor beside the bookcase.  I quickly picked them up and put them back on the shelf.  The next week the same thing happened.

That afternoon my employer came into the parlor, her faithful canine behind her.  Looking around, she eyed the bookcase. “Tippy,” she asked the dog, “how do your bones keep getting up there?”

~~~

Woman on cell phone in mall parking lot: “Hello, Psychic Hotline?  Can you tell me where I parked my car?”

~~~

A sixth grade class is doing some spelling drills. The teacher asks Tommy if he can spell “before”.

He stands up and says, “Before, B-E-P-H-O-R.”

The teacher says, “No, that’s wrong. Can anyone else spell before?”

Another little boy stands up and says, “Before, B-E-F-O-O-R.”

Again the teacher says, “No, that’s wrong.” The teacher asks, “Johnny, can you spell ‘before’?”

Johnny stands up and says, “Before, B-E-F-O-R-E.”

“Excellent Johnny, now can you use it in a sentence?”

Little Johnny says, “That’s easy. Two plus two be fore.”

~~~

We win half the battle when we make up our minds to take the world as we find it,

including the thorns.

Orison S. Marden

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

Are you really you?

The great majority of us are required to live a life of constant duplicity.  Your health is bound to be affected if, day after day, you say the opposite of what you feel, if you grovel before what you dislike, and rejoice at what brings you nothing but misfortune.

Boris Pasternak

 

During a conversation with a friend the other day I discovered that they felt as I did that there is way too much difficulty getting things done these days. I have resigned from boards where no one wanted to do very much for fear that someone would not be pleased with the action. It seems to me that organization after organization slips into mediocrity as they strive to please everyone. The process truly begins the slide to the lowest common denominator and then the players wonder why the world passed them by.

I feel it is the same with many individuals who hide their heads in the sand for fear of what someone else might think. It appears to me that it has gotten even worse as we have allowed the extremists to control the political debate while silencing the majority out of fear of what the screamers might say. I am beginning to believe that many have become hermits even as they live amongst large groups. They find it easier to retreat into their own world, seldom communicating face to face with others in any meaningful way. When this happens it is a double tragedy for they miss the excitement and rewards that an active life offers and maybe worst of all we lose their voice as we try to meet our responsibilities as citizens in a democracy. We pay a terrible price when we abrogate our responsibility to participate since we then give away the decision making process to the ideologues.

For myself I find being forced to sit on the sidelines held back by the lack of will of others to be too great a waste of time. I may fail but not for the want of trying, I do all can whenever I can and at the end of the day I find that I appreciate the opportunity to do so for I have learned that if I wait for others opportunities are too often lost.

Here is something Ralph Marston offered some time ago that I wholeheartedly agree with.

Show the world

The way to get people thinking highly of you is to stop worrying about what they think. The most impressive person you can be is your true, authentic self. People will quickly tire of you telling them only what you assume they want to hear. To have truly momentous impact, tell them what you really think and know and feel.

You are delightfully unique and that uniqueness provides you with more than enough great value to last a lifetime. Follow your intuition, be who you truly are, and allow that value to freely flow. Breathe in the sweet, fresh air of possibility in each new moment. The happier you allow yourself to be, the more great things you can give to all of life.

The opinions of others can be interesting and instructive. Just be sure not to let someone else’s opinion limit you or define you. Get up, go forward and show the world the fascinating, unique person you really are. Live life on your own terms, from your own perspective, and create your very own greatness.

~~~

He who trims himself to suit everyone will soon whittle himself away.

Raymond Hull

~~~

Heard at the retirement home:

Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.

Insanity is my only means of relaxation.

Forget the health food.  I need all the preservatives I can get.

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst, for they are sticking to their diets.

You’re getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.

My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.

It’s frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.

If you can remain calm, you just don’t have all the facts.

I finally got my head together, and my body fell apart.

There cannot be a crisis this week; my schedule is already full.

The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.

The nice part of living in a small town is that when I don’t know what I’m doing, someone else does.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.

Age doesn’t always bring wisdom.  Sometimes age comes alone.

Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.

Sometimes I think I understand everything, and then I regain consciousness.

~~~

“Husband and Cat Lost… Reward for Cat”

~~~

A young bride and groom to be had just selected their wedding rings. As the young lady admired the plain platinum and diamond band she had chosen for herself, she suddenly looked concerned.

“Tell me,” she asked the rather elderly salesman, “is there anything special I’ll have to do to take care of this ring?”

With a fatherly smile, the salesman said, “One of the best ways to protect a wedding ring is to soak it in dishwater three times a day.”

~~~

Why is it that when you talk to God you’re praying, but when he talks to you, you’re crazy?

~~~

While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted, “Are there any gators around here?!”

“Naw,” the man hollered back, “they ain’t been around for years!”

Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore.

About halfway there he asked the guy, “How’d you get rid of the gators?”

“We didn’t do nothin’,” the beachcomber said. “The sharks got ’em.”

~~~

Everybody keeps saying that women are smarter than men, but did you ever see a man wearing a shirt that buttons down the back?

~~~

Kids tell us how people in love act:

“Lovers will just be staring at each other and their food will get cold. Other people care more about the food.” — Brad, age 8

“They act mooshy. Like puppy dogs, except puppy dogs don’t wag their tails nearly as much.” — Arnold, age 10

“All of a sudden, the people get movies fever so they can sit together in the dark.” — Sherm, age 8

“Romantic adults usually are all dressed up, so if they are just wearing jeans it might mean they used to go out or they just broke up.” — Sarah, age 9

“See if the man picks up the check. That’s how you can tell if he’s in love.” — John, age 9

~~~

We are so accustomed to disguise ourselves to others that in the end we become disguised to ourselves.

François Duc de La Rochefoucauld

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

Are you a good juggler?

Be aware of wonder. Live a balanced life – learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some.

Robert Fulgham

 

Lately I have noticed that a lot of the folks I know are unbelievably busy. The more I have talked to many of them the more I realize that it not only is hard to say no it is also hard to walk away from something that that you want to do, like to do or are needed to do.

I spoke to the head of a large volunteer organization the other day who prides herself on doing everything she agrees to do and gets it done on time and does it well. At the same time we talked you could tell she longed to spend more time with her husband and kids and would do so if things eased up. Another friend spends so much time on his list of things that must be done there is no time left to do things that would help ease the load. The head an arts organization that I know has so much going on that he has little time for his family for he is too busy keeping his finger in the dyke, and building for tomorrow, and opening another show, and recruiting additional talent and, and, and, and the ands never seem to stop.

The relentless flow of demands we place upon ourselves can erode the soul if left unchecked for too long. Overload is debilitating, no time for yourself is demoralizing and running without ever stopping for a breath can be devastating. I know, I’ve been there and at one time was rewarded for the effort with a bleeding ulcer. I now know that a balanced life is the greatest gift we can give ourselves and it is one that our families and friends really appreciate.

Years ago Coca Cola CEO Brian Dyson shared this piece of wisdom which can benefit us all. If you follow his advice I know you will be glad you did.

 

Juggle Balls

Imagine life as a game in which you are juggling some five balls in the air. You name them – work, family, health, friends and spirit and you’re keeping all of these in the air. You will soon understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back. But the other four balls – family, health, friends and spirit are made of glass. If you drop one of these, they will be irrevocably scuffed, marked, nicked, damaged or even shattered. They will never be the same. You must understand that and strive for balance in your life. How?

  • Don’t undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others. It is because we are different that each of us is special.
  • Don’t set your goals by what other people deem important. Only you know what is best for you.
  • Don’t take for granted the things closest to your heart. Cling to them as you would your life, for without them, life is meaningless.
  • Don’t let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past or for the future. By living your life one day at a time, you live ALL the days of your life.
  • Don’t give up when you still have something to give. Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying.
  • Don’t be afraid to admit that you are less than perfect. It is this fragile thread that binds us each together.
  • Don’t be afraid to encounter risks. It is by taking chances that we learn how to be brave.
  • Don’t shut love out of your life by saying it’s impossible to find. The quickest way to receive love is to give; the fastest way to lose love is to hold it too tightly; and the best way to keep love is to give it wings.
  • Don’t run through life so fast that you forget not only where you’ve been, but also where you are going.
  • Don’t forget that a person’s greatest emotional need is to feel appreciated.
  • Don’t be afraid to learn. Knowledge is weightless, a treasure you can always carry easily.
  • Don’t use time or words carelessly. Neither can be retrieved. Life is not a race, but a journey to be savored each step of the way.

~~~

Happiness is not a matter of intensity but of balance and order and rhythm and harmony.

Thomas Merton

~~~

What do you get when you cross a Unitarian Universalist with a Jehovah’s Witness?

Somebody who comes knocking at your door for no apparent reason.

~~~

HOW MANY ZEN BUDDHISTS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHTBULB?

A: Three. One to change the lightbulb, one NOT to change the lightbulb, and one to neither change nor not change the lightbulb.

HOW MANY EPISCOPALIANS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHTBULB?

A: Eight. One to call the electrician, and seven to say how much they liked the old one better.

HOW MANY UNITARIANS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHTBULB?

A: The Unitarians wish to issue the following statement: “We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a lightbulb; however, if in your own journey you have found that lightbulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship with your lightbulb, and present it next month at our annual lightbulb Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of lightbulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.”

HOW MANY PENTECOSTALS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHTBULB?

A: Ten. One to change the bulb and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

~~~

“If you want to test your memory, try to recall what you were worrying about one year ago today.”

~~~

He said: My job as a land surveyor took me to a golf course that was expanding from 9 holes to 18 holes.

Using a machete to clear thick brush in an area I was mapping, I came upon a golf club that an irate player must have tossed away. It was in good condition, so I picked it up and continued on.

When I broke out of the brush onto a putting green, two golfers stared at me in awe. I had a machete in one hand, a golf club in the other, and behind me was a clear-cut swath over 100 yards long.

“There,” said one of the golfers, “is a guy who hates to lose his ball!”

~~~

Two atoms are walking down the road. One says to the other,

“OH NO! I just dropped an electron!”

“Are you sure?” asks his friend.

“Yes” he replies “I’m POSITIVE!”

~~~

A woman frantically calls the fire department to report a fire in the neighborhood.  The dispatcher asks, “Well, how do we get there?”

Confused she replies, “Don’t you still have those little red fire trucks?”

~~~

Wisdom is your perspective on life, your sense of balance, your understanding of how the various parts and principles apply and relate to each other.

Steven R. Covey

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

Carve your name on hearts!

“The songs of our ancestors are also the songs of our children”

Philip Carr-Gomm

 

Those of you who have been reading the Daily for a while have occasionally heard me talk about the legacy we will leave behind at the end of our time. Many measure their anticipated legacy by how much material things they will leave behind, unfortunately material things wither and fade from memory. In my view the most important legacy is not monuments or riches but rather the memories we have left with others.

Lately I have thought about a legacy being that what we create while we are here without worrying about the momentous we will leave behind. In fact some of the greatest gifts we can leave for others is not in their memories but in the differences we have made, recognized or not. Even just a helping hand at the right time can change someone’s life forever and though the gesture may not be seen by others the change will have made a lasting difference.

Some folks feel the need to be recognized and are reluctant do something that might help if it will not add to their public prestige. Then there are the really good people, people like you who do what they can without regard for reward.

I recently stumbled across the following and thought it was worth sharing.

The legacy you leave

By Rick Beneteau

All you will leave behind for the world to remember is Your Legacy. So ask yourself…

Will you have earned the respect of your peers and the admiration of your critics?

Will you have acted humbly at the peak of success and graceful in the face of defeat?

Will you have kept your childlike wonder and reveled in the beauty of the world and the small miracles that each day brought?

Will you be remembered for how often you laughed and brought smiles to the hearts of others?

Will small children and the elderly have been overjoyed to be around you?

Will others have trusted you with their inner most secrets?

Will you have forgiven and offered heartfelt apology?

Will you have looked for the very best, and done your utmost to build worth, in others?

Will you have fed a hungry child or clothed a naked man or given hope to a stranger in dire need?

Will you have left this world a better place by the life you have lived?

Ask yourself… what Legacy will You Leave?

I chose to take his list not as steps we should take so the world will think well of us but rather as a template for living life now for I believe that the behaviors he suggests provide us our own reward. You sometimes hear people suggest that we write our obituary now so that we can see how we fared in our life so far. I think it would be even better if each day we noted how well we lived that day for in my experience regular legacy enrichment actions soon become habits.

~~~

“Carve your name on hearts, not tombstones. A legacy is etched into the minds of others and the stories they share about you.”

Shannon L. Alder

~~~

He said:

I never forget my wife’s birthday. It’s usually the day after she reminds me about it.

When I have a birthday I take the day off. But when my wife has a birthday, she takes a year or two off.

A well adjusted woman is one who not only knows what she wants for her birthday, but even knows what she’s going to exchange it for.

~~~

Dad:  Son, what do you want for your birthday?

Son:  Not much dad, just a radio with a sports car around it.

~~~

A woman drove a mini-van filled with a dozen screaming kids through the mall parking lot, looking for a space. Obviously frazzled, she coasted through a stop sign. “Hey, lady, have you forgotten how to stop?” yelled an irate man.

She rolled down her window and said, “What makes you think these are all mine?”

~~~

Did you hear about the bum who walked up to the Jewish mother on the street and said, ‘Lady, I haven’t eaten in three days.’

“Force yourself,” she replied.

~~~

When the heir to the Rothschild fortune visited a poor Jewish village near Budapest, the locals poured out to greet him. With all due ceremony, he was given a small parade, met with the mayor, and awarded a key to the city.

At the local inn, he ordered some roast chicken for brunch. When he finished, he received a bill larger than the most expensive bottle of wine his family sold.

“This is outrageous!” Rothschild shouted at the innkeeper. “Never in my life have I been charged so much for a roast chicken! Are chickens that rare around here?”

“Not at all,” said the innkeeper reassuringly.  “But millionaires — ah, they are a rarity!”

~~~

Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred.

~~~

On a U.S. cruiser the officer of the deck asked the starboard lookout, “What would you do if a sailor was washed overboard?”

“I’d yell ‘Man overboard,’ ” answered the lookout snappily.

”Good,” said the officer. “Now what would you do if an officer fell overboard?”

The lookout asked, “Which one, sir?”

~~~

Aim Low, Reach Your Goals, Avoid Disappointment.

~~~

A young bride and groom to be have just selected the wedding ring. As the girl admires the plain platinum and diamond band, she suddenly looks concerned.

“Tell me,” she asks the gray-haired salesman, “is there anything special I’ll have to do to take care of this ring?”

With a fatherly smile, the salesman says, “One of the best ways to protect a wedding ring is to dip it in dishwater three times a day.”

~~~

“The little bit you and me might change the world,” Malloy smiled, “it wouldn’t show up until a hundred years after we were dead. We’d never see it.” “But it’d be there.”

James Jones, From Here to Eternity

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

Don’t let them stop you!

No person has the right to rain on your dreams.

Marian Wright Edelman

 

Greetings all, I hope your week is ending well and that you are prepared to enjoy the weekend, I know I am. I had a rewarding and productive day yesterday and am starting what I am sure will be another one today. My first meeting today is with a friend who is creating some exciting health initiatives in Africa and then I will be meeting with another friend who is creating some exciting community initiatives here in Central Indiana. It will be a breath taking and mind boggling day and since producing the Daily with a boggled mind is never good I am taking you back a few years to March 2nd 2005 when I wrote:

Ray’s Daily

It is sad that we often stop because of the chorus of critics who say “we tried that and it was a failure,” “it will never work,” “no one will be interested,” the list could go on forever. We are so fortunate that there are people who don’t let others stop them, for they are the ones who have given us the most gifts.

I often think that many of us sour and stagnate as we get older; we seem to want to focus on our negative experiences and then share them with others. I hope that we don’t do so because we fear someone will do better than we did. Fortunately the doers don’t let us stand in their way, they don’t stop to find out why not, they just forge ahead.

One of the good things I experienced in recent years has been watching high school and college kids do amazing things. While those of us who were older deliberated to see if something was feasible, the kids just went out and did it, they didn’t know any better, and thank god for that. Anyway here is what triggered my thoughts:

“Victory over the smallest task or the largest undertaking has a common foundation in believing in yourself. It is where success begins. All new ideas seem to have detractors. There are often obstacles, real and imagined; it is too new, too quaint, too expensive, of too little interest, or simply too hard. And how do you answer the critics when doubt has crept into your own mind from time to time?

It comes from that voice inside that says you can do it. Sometimes it is the only voice in your corner. You have hope, even if it just a glimmer. That is enough. As the Celine Dion song, “Power of the Dream” exclaims, “Deep within each heart there lies a magic spark that lights the fire of our imagination.””

~~~

When you reach for the stars, you may not quite get one, but you won’t come up with a handful of mud either.

Leo Burnett

~~~

She said:

What’s in a name? Apparently, a lot more than you (or I) ever thought there was. Here’s what his pet name for you *really* means…..

Darling — Depends on how he says it. If he stresses the first syllable, then he’s probably done something wrong or wants money.

Dear — Probably a leftover from his parents. Expect him to wear woolly cardigans, smoke a pipe and prefer a mug of Ovaltine to lager.

Sweetheart — If it’s said patronizingly, it’s not so sweet. But when uttered in earnest, it may send your own sweet heart aflutter.

Babe — Not to be confused with the film of the same name. Check for flares or signs that he’s a 70s throwback. He’s a bit of a medallion man. Chances are he’s got his initials on his chunky ring. Leave immediately if he tries to sell you a second-hand car.

Princess — Never trust a man who calls you princess. You may think you’re being treated like royalty, but beware of Prince Charmings – they may be secretly plotting your overthrow.

Sexy — Fine if you’re sexy. If you’re not, who cares? He probably thinks you are anyway!!

The wife — If you’re married then he probably thinks he owns you. If you’re not, he probably thinks you act like his wife, in which case, he thinks he owns you.

My other half — You complete the set – he’s only half a man without you. But it may make you feel as though you are losing your identity somewhere.

The missus — See The Wife.

My partner — He’s right on. Probably likes eating tofu and hugging trees.

My significant other — He’s even more right on. Probably thinks it’s cruel to eat tofu and that trees need their own space.

~~~

Anybody who can remember when “boobs” meant “the dumb kids” surely qualifies for middle age.

~~~

He said:

When my grandmother was in her eighties, she decided to move to Israel. As part of the preparations, she went to see her doctor and get all of her medical charts. The doctor asked her how she was doing, and she gave him the normal litany of complaints: this hurts, that’s stiff, I’m tireder and slower, etc., etc., etc.

He responded with, “Mrs. Weiss, you have to expect things to start deteriorating. After all, who wants to live to 100?”

My grandmother looked him straight in the eye and replied, “Anyone who’s 99.”

~~~

Thinking about profound social change, conservatives always expect disaster, while revolutionaries confidently anticipate utopia. Both are wrong.

Carolyn Heilbrun

~~~

I was carpooling with my friend Craig, he noticed that the “Check oil” light was on. He pulled into the gas station, got out of the car, opened the hood, checked the engine oil, closed the hood, then got back into the car.

“Can we make a quick stop?” He asked.

“Sure,” I replied, “what did you need to do?”

“I need to stop by the auto parts place to get a longer dipstick.”

“What do you need a longer one for?” I inquired.

“Because the one I got isn’t long enough to reach the oil!”

~~~

“Now that I’m here, where am I?”

Janis Joplin

~~~

An Irishman sees a job advert published on a building site, ‘handy man wanted; apply within’. So he does and speaks to the foreman.

Foreman:    Can you drive a forklift truck?

Irish man:  No

Foreman:    can you plaster?

Irish man:  No

Foreman:    Can you brick lay?

Irish man:  No

Foreman:    If you don’t mind me asking, what’s handy about you?

Irish man:  I only live five minutes down the road….

~~~

Always there will be, along the sidelines of life, inferior souls who throw mud at those whose attainments they do not quite understand. The man who really accomplishes doesn’t pay attention to such detractors. If he did, he’d be on their level. He keeps an eye singled on the higher goal–and the mud never touches him.

Jerome P. Fleishman

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

Welcome March!

Springtime is the land awakening.  The March winds are the morning yawn.

Lewis Grizzard

 

Wow! Yesterday was the last day of February and it was sunny and almost 70 degrees Fahrenheit outside. I don’t know how it is where you are at but it looks like winter chose to spend it’s time in Europe this year and not Indianapolis. The problem right now is that we don’t have enough plant psychologists to help the local flora deal with the stress caused by the crazy climate. Flowers are popping out of the earth early, fruit trees are expected to yield smaller crops and the poor maple trees don’t know what to do since their sap is already starting to run.

 

Now that it is March I better check and see what is expected of me as I pick what March opportunities in which I will participate. For example this is:

  • Music in Our Schools Month – I know there are all kinds of music in schools but I don’t think they mean music that is on IPods and cell phones. I wish we had not eliminated music appreciation in almost every school.
  • National Nutrition Month – I don’t think this means they will let me off my diet with its minuscule portions, but I just don’t think limiting me to one orange seed and a whole grain is all that nutritious.
  • National Peanut Month – I wonder what peanut they are talking about, is there an unknown peanut monument somewhere.
  • Social Workers Month – I was going to do something for this one but my wife stopped me, turns out they don’t mean take out an escort service worker.
  • National Noodle Month — Now this one I can do, my diet allows me to eat one noodle, I just wish I could find longer ones, something like a quarter mile long might be filling.
  • Youth Art Month – Wherefore art thou youth?
  • National Chronic Fatigue Syndrome Awareness Month – I don’t have this problem and if I did I would not talk about it right now, I’m too tired.
  • National Sauce Month – My doctors won’t let me drink alcohol these days so I have to skip this one, you go ahead
  • National “Talk With Your Teen About Sex” Month – I started to talk to a teen like it says to do but I had to stop, there are just some things I would just as soon not learn.

And the best thing about March is that it is our bridge to spring.

~~~

“March comes in with an adder’s head, and goes out with a peacock’s tail.”

Richard Lawson Gales

~~~

“Grandpa, grownups don’t pay any attention to me,” said little Jimmy. Grandpa replied, “They don’t pay any attention to me too.”

“Grandpa, sometimes grownups make fun of me. Do they make fun of you too?”

Grandpa said, “Yes, Son… me too.”

“Grandpa, some days I get tired and have to rest in the afternoon.”

“I know, Jimmy… I do too,” said Grandpa.

“I love you, Grandpa,” said little Jimmy.

“I love you too, Jimmy,” said Grandpa.

“I wish more people told me that,” said Jimmy.

“Me too,” answered Grandpa.

~~~

I Didn’t Climb to the Top of the Food Chain to Be a Vegetarian

~~~

Morris needs a lawyer, so he grabs the yellow pages and picks out a law firm — Schwartz, Schwartz, Schwartz & Schwartz.

He calls up and says, “Is Mr. Schwartz in?”

The man says, “No, he’s out playing golf.”

Morris says, “All right, then let me speak to Mr. Schwartz.”

“He’s not with the firm any more, he’s retired.”

“Then let me talk to Mr. Schwartz.”

“He’s away in Boston, won’t be back for a month.”

“Okay, then let me talk to the other Mr. Schwartz.”

He says, “Speaking!”

~~~

Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.

~~~

The kid said don’t get me sick:

When you go home, you have to stay all alone.

You have to stay in bed and not get fed.

You miss out on all the fun that’s it, you’re done.

So when you sneeze cover your mouth please!!!

— Madison F. age 9

~~~

“Osborne’s Law”

Variables won’t; constants aren’t.

~~~

WHY MEN AREN’T SECRETARIES

Husband’s note to his wife…

“Doctor’s office called: Said Pabst beer is normal.”

~~~

Any married man should forget his mistakes; there’s no use in two people remembering the same thing.

~~~

Laws

Each and every body sitting on a commode will cause the doorbell to ring. (Law of Ding Dong)

Wind velocity will increase proportionally to the cost of one’s hairdo. (The Don King Principle)

After discarding something not used for years, you will need it one week later. (Law of Fatal Irreversibility)

Arriving early for an appointment will cause the receptionist to be absent, and if one arrives late, everyone else has arrived before you. (Law of Delay)

Do not take life too seriously, because in the end, you won’t come out alive anyway. (Theory of Absolute Certainty)

After your hands become coated with grease your nose will begin to itch or you’ll have to pee. (Law of Mechanical Repair)

Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. (Law of the Workshop)

~~~

“With rushing winds and gloomy skies

The dark and stubborn Winter dies:

Far-off, unseen, Spring faintly cries,

Bidding her earliest child arise; March!”

Bayard Taylor

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

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