Ray's musings and humor

Archive for December, 2021

Be Happy

Ray’s Daily

December 14, 2021

http://rays-daily.com

A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and gets to bed at night, and in between he does what he wants to do.

Bob Dylan

I have met a wide range of folks over the years. Some of them have held high ranking positions in their fields, but for many true happiness has eluded them. While I respect those in high position I relate most to those who have learned to accept life as it is while retaining a bright outlook. It is the positive folks that I enjoy the most. Our best measure of personal success is how happy we are with ourselves.

Here is an article written by Marc Chernoff that defines true success.

Stop Keeping Score. Happiness is the True Measure of Success.

Too many people try to numerically measure success.  Most of these numbers relate to wealth, age, intelligence, and seniority.  The problem with trying to numerically calculate success is that it doesn’t account for personal feelings, thoughts, and general happiness.  That which makes one person happy does not necessarily make everyone happy.  Thus, the qualities that make one person successful do not automatically represent a universal measure for success.

As tragic as it is, you must keep in mind that some of the most famous, wealthy intellects fall victim to addictions and suicide.  Why?  Because even though these folks possess numerous quantifiable elements that society typically uses to measure success, nobody can accurately estimate how they truly feel about their personal lives.

Take away all the excess minutiae.  You cannot be successful if you are unhappy, and happiness cannot be measured in numbers.  It is impossible keep an accurate score of success when the game is based on personal feelings and beliefs.  The key is to realize that success is multidimensional.  Just because someone is visibly successful at something they do, does not always mean that they are successful in life as a whole.

To be truly successful you must never suck it up to being unhappy for extensive periods of time.  Life is just too short for that kind of sacrifice.

~~~

Success is not in what you have, but who you are.

Bo Bennett

~~~

Speaking of ways to live our lives, here are some alternatives that you might want to consider.
Follow your dream! Unless it’s the one where you’re at work in your underwear during a fire drill.
If a motorist cuts you off, just turn the other cheek. Nothing gets the message across like a good mooning.
Each day enjoy something from each of the four food groups: the bonbon group, the salty-snack group, the caffeine group and the “What-ever- the-thing-in-the-tinfoil-in-the-back-of-the-fridge-is.”

~~~
She said: All men are idiots… I married their King.
~~~

Pete and Gladys were looking at a new living room suite in the furniture store.  Pete says to the salesman, “We really like it, but I don’t think we can afford it.”

The salesman says, “You just make a small down payment.  Then you don’t make another payment for six months.”
Gladys wheeled around with her hands on her hips and says, “Who told you about us?”

~~~

A newly married man asks his wife, “Would you have married me if my father hadn’t left me a fortune?”
“Darling,” the woman replies sweetly, “I’d have married you no matter who left a you a fortune.”

~~~
A lot of trouble in this world is caused by combining a narrow mind with a wide mouth.
~~~

At the airport for a business trip, I settled down to wait for the boarding announcement at Gate 35. Then I heard the voice on the public address system saying, “We apologize for the inconvenience, but Delta Flight 570 will board from Gate 41.”

So my family picked up our luggage and carried it over to Gate 41. Not ten minutes later the public address voice told us that Flight 570 would in fact be boarding from Gate 35.

So again we gathered our carry-on luggage and returned to the original gate. Just as we were settling down, the public address voice spoke again: “Thank you for participating in Delta’s physical fitness program.”

~~~

A reporter was interviewing a 104-year-young woman. “And what do you think is the best thing about 104?” the journalist asked.

“No peer pressure,” she replied.

~~~

Differences Between You and Your Boss…
When you take a long time, you’re slow.
When your boss takes a long time, he’s thorough…
When you don’t do it, you’re lazy.
When your boss doesn’t do it, he’s too busy…
When you make a mistake, you’re an idiot.
When your boss makes a mistake, he’s only human…
When doing something without being told, you’re overstepping your authority.
When your boss does the same thing, that’s initiative…
When you take a stand, you’re being bull-headed.
When your boss does it, he’s being firm…
When you overlooked a rule of etiquette, you’re being rude.
When your boss skips a few rules, he’s being original…
When you please your boss, you’re apple polishing.
When your boss pleases his boss, he’s being co-operative…
When you’re out of the office, you’re wandering around.
When your boss is out of the office, he’s on business…
When you’re on a day off sick, you’re always sick.
When your boss is a day off sick, he must be very ill…
When you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview.
When your boss applies for leave, it’s because he’s overworked…

~~~

A well adjusted woman is one who not only knows what she wants for her birthday, but even knows what she’s going to exchange it for.

~~~

A man goes to the track and sees a Priest blessing a horse before a race and quickly goes to the ticket window and bets. The horse wins. He watches the Priest carefully for the next four races, and continues to win, until he has quite a small fortune. He decides to bet it all on one last race.

Before the horse crosses the finish line however, it drops dead. The man rushes up to the Priest, confronts him with what he’s seen and demands an explanation.

The Priest just shakes his head sadly and says, “That’s one of the problems with you Protestants. You don’t know the difference between a blessing and the last rites.”

~~~

In times of prosperity men ask too little of God. In times of adversity, they ask too much.
~~~

Top brass from the Army, Navy and Marine Corps were arguing about who had the bravest troops. They decided to settle the dispute using an enlisted man from each branch.

The Army General called a private over and ordered him to climb to the top of the base flagpole while singing “The Caissons Go Rolling Along,” then let go with both hands, and salute. The private quickly complied.

Next, the Admiral ordered a sailor to climb the pole, polish the brass knob at the top, sing “Anchors Aweigh,” salute smartly and jump off. The sailor did as he was told and landed on the concrete below.

Finally, the marine was told to do exactly as the army and navy men had done, but in full battle gear, pack filled with bricks, loaded weapon carried high. He took one look at the Marine General and said, “You’re out of your mind, sir!”

The marine commander turned to the others. “Now THAT’S guts!”

~~~

Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it.

Maya Angelou

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Don’t Give Up

Ray’s Daily

December 13, 2021

http://rays-daily.com

“We all have dreams. But in order to make dreams come into reality, it takes an awful lot of determination, dedication, self-discipline, and effort.”

Jesse Owens

I occasionally run into someone who has given up on life. They find the journey to be too tough. I have learned that while aging is not easy it is still worth living. Those I admire the most are those who not only handle adversity but are strengthened by it.

Here is a story in that vein, I don’t know who wrote it but it reminds me of many of the folks I appreciate.

A man found a cocoon of a butterfly.

One day a small opening appeared. He sat and watched the butterfly for several hours

as it struggled to squeeze its body through the tiny hole. Then it stopped, as if it couldn’t go further.

So the man decided to help the butterfly. He took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bits of cocoon. The butterfly emerged easily but it had a swollen body and shriveled wings.

The man continued to watch it, expecting that any minute the wings would enlarge and expand enough to support the body, Neither happened! In fact the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around. It was never able to fly.

What the man in his kindness and haste did not understand:

The restricting cocoon and the struggle required by the butterfly to get through the opening was a way of forcing the fluid from the body into the wings so that it would be ready for flight once that was achieved.

Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our lives. Going through life with no obstacles would cripple us. We will not be as strong as we could have been and we would never fly.

~~~

“If I have the belief that I can do it, I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it even if I may not have it at the beginning.”

Gandhi

~~~

She said: I had put in an 18-hour day at work and was upset to find my four-year-old Zack asleep in bed with my husband when I got home. Zack squirms so much it is impossible to get a decent night’s sleep when he is with us. Exhausted, I collapsed into his bed instead, where I slept better than I had in years. The next morning, I asked my husband, “Why was Zack in bed with you?”

“Oh,” he replied, shrugging, “he wet his bed, and I was too tired to change his sheets.”

~~~

To attract men, I wear a perfume called “New Car Interior.”

Rita Rudner

~~~

Early one evening a gentleman scuttled out to his garage and pulled the lawn furniture out onto the driveway.  Shortly after followed the lawnmower, a few gardening tools and a bicycle.

A curious neighbor wandered over and asked if he was going to have a garage sale.

“No,” replied the gentleman, “my son just bought his first car and right now he’s getting ready for a big date.”

“So what’s with all the stuff?” asked the neighbor.

“Well, after years of moving tricycles, toys and sports equipment out of the way every time I came home from work I wanted to make sure the driveway was ready for him.”

~~~

Make someone happy today. Mind your own business.

~~~

Jill: What’s wrong, Mary?

Mary: I’m tired! I’ve been out seven nights in a row. I’m having too much fun!

Jill: Maybe you should get married again.

~~~

Proper attire is required in the cafeteria at the University of Maine. To enforce that rule, the management posted this notice: “Shoes are required to eat in this cafeteria.”  

Next to it, a student added, “Socks can eat wherever they want.”  

~~~

Marriage is like a tango. . .  it takes two, and occasionally one has to bend over backward to keep the dance going.

~~~

OPINIONS ABOUT LOVE FROM KIDS

“I’m in favor of love as long as it doesn’t happen when ‘The Simpsons’ is on television.” (Anita, 6)  

“Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I have been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me.” (Bobby, 8)  

“I’m not rushing into being in love. I’m finding fourth grade hard enough.” (Regina, 10)  

THE PERSONAL QUALITIES NECESSARY TO BE A GOOD LOVER

“One of you should know how to write a check. Because, even if you have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills.” (Ava, 8)  

SOME SUREFIRE WAYS TO MAKE A PERSON FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU

“Tell them that you own a whole bunch of candy stores.” (Del, 6)  

“Don’t do things like have smelly, green sneakers. You might get attention, but attention ain’t the same thing as love.” (Alonzo, 9)  

“One way is to take the girl out to eat. Make sure it’s something she likes to eat. French fries usually works for me.” (Bart, 9)  

HOW CAN YOU TELL IF TWO ADULTS EATING DINNER AT A RESTAURANT ARE IN LOVE?

“Just see if the man picks up the check. That’s how you can tell if he’s in love.” (John, 9)  

“Lovers will just be staring at each other and their food will get cold. Other people care more about the food.” (Brad, 8)  

“It’s love if they order one of those desserts that are on fire. They like to order those because it’s just like how their hearts are…on fire.” (Christine, 9)  

WHAT MOST PEOPLE ARE THINKING WHEN THEY SAY “I LOVE YOU”

“The person is thinking: Yeah, I really do love him. But I hope he showers at least once a day.” (Michelle, 9)  

HOW A PERSON LEARNS TO KISS

“You learn it right on the spot when the gooshy feelings get the best of you.” (Doug, 7)  

“It might help to watch soap operas all day.” (Carin, 9)  

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

“It’s never okay to kiss a boy. They always slobber all over you. That’s why I stopped doing it.” (Jean, 10)  

HOW TO MAKE LOVE ENDURE

“Spend most of your time loving instead of going to work.” (Tom, 7)  

“Don’t forget your wife’s name…That will mess up the love.” (Roger, 8)  

“Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take out the trash.” (Randy, 8)  

~~~

“If you don’t make the time to work on creating the life you want, you’re eventually going to be forced to spend a LOT of time dealing with a life you DON’T want.”

Kevin Ngo

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Live a Good Life

Ray’s Daily

December 10, 2021

http://rays-daily.com

Plant your garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.

Jose Luis Borges

After all the life we want is up to us. It is the things we do that determines how how good our life becomes. I know that in my case happiness comes from the quality of my day to day efforts.

Today I offer you the following abridged ways to a more rewarding existence.

Rules for a better way to live

Rule One . . . – Count your blessings. Once you realize how valuable you are and how much you have going for you, the smiles will return, the sun will break out, the music will play, and you will finally be able to move forward the life that God intended for you … with grace, strength, courage, and confidence.

Rule Two . . . for a better way to live – Today, and every day, deliver more than you are getting paid to do. The victory of success will be half won when you learn the secret of putting out more than is expected in all that you do.

Rule Three . . . – Whenever you make a mistake or get knocked down by life, don’t look back at it too long. Mistakes are life’s way of teaching you. No one wins them all, and your failures, when they happen, are just part of your growth.

Rule Four . . . – Always reward your long hours of labour and toil in the very best way, surrounded by your family. Nurture their love carefully, remembering that your children need models, not critics, and your own progress will hasten when you constantly strive to present your best side to your children.

Rule Five . . . – Build this day on a foundation of pleasant thoughts. Never fret at any imperfections that you fear may impede your progress. Never consider yourself defeated again. Let the vision in your heart be in your life’s blueprint. Smile!

Rule Six . . . -Let your actions always speak for you, but be forever on guard against the terrible traps of false pride and conceit that can halt your progress.

Rule Seven . . . – While life may not always be fair, you must never allow the pains, hurdles, and handicaps of the moment to poison your attitude and plans for yourself and your future. You can never win when you wear the ugly cloak of self-pity, and the sour sound of whining will certainly frighten away any opportunity for success.

Rule Eight . . . – Never again clutter your days or nights with so many menial and unimportant things that you have no time to accept a real challenge when it comes along. No more busy work. No more hiding from success. Leave time, leave space, to grow. Now. Now! Not tomorrow!

Rule Nine . . . – Live this day as if it will be your last. Forget yesterday’s defeats and ignore the problems of tomorrow. This is it. All you have. Make it the best day of your year.

Rule Ten . . . – Extend to each person, no matter how trivial the contact, all the care and kindness and understanding and love that you can muster, and do it with no thought of any reward. Your life will never be the same again.

Rule Eleven . . . – Laugh at yourself and at life. Not in the spirit of derision or whining self-pity, but as a remedy, a miracle drug, that will ease your pain, cure your depression, and help you to put in perspective that seemingly terrible defeat and worry with laughter at your predicaments, thus freeing your mind to think clearly toward the solution that is certain to come. Never take yourself too seriously.

Rule Twelve . . . – Never neglect the little things. Never skimp on that extra effort, that additional few minutes, that soft word of praise or thanks, that delivery of the very best that you can do. It does not matter what others think, it is of prime importance, however, what you think about you. You are special. Act it. Never neglect the little things.

Rule Thirteen . . . – Welcome every morning with a smile. Look on the new day as another special gift, another golden opportunity to complete what you were unable to finish yesterday. Be a self- starter. Today will never happen again. Don’t waste it with a false start or no start at all. You were not born to fail.

Rule Fourteen . . . – You will achieve a grand dream, a day at a time, so set goals for each day — not long and difficult projects, but chores that will take you, step by step, toward your rainbow.

Rule Fifteen . . . – Never allow anyone to rain on your parade and thus cast a pall of gloom and defeat on the entire day. Remember that no talent, no self-denial, no brains, no character, are required to set up in the fault-finding business. Nothing external can have any power over you unless you permit it.

Rule Sixteen . . . – Search for the seed of good in every adversity. Master that principle and you will own a precious shield that will guard you well through all the darkest valley you must traverse. So will you learn things in adversity that you would never have discovered without trouble. There is always a seed of good. Find it and prosper.

Rule Seventeen . . . – Realize that true happiness lies within you. Waste no time and effort searching for peace and contentment and joy in the world outside. Remember that there is no happiness in having or in getting, but only in giving. Reach out. Share. Smile. Hug.

Written by Og Mandino

~~~

Love the moment. Flowers grow out of dark moments. Therefore, each moment is vital. It affects the whole. Life is a succession of such moments and to live each is to succeed.

Corita Kent

~~~

A friend of mine was lecturing in Latin America. He was going to use a translator, but to identify with his audience, he wanted to begin his talk by saying in Spanish, “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.”

He arrived at the auditorium a little early and realized he did not know the Spanish words for ladies and gentlemen. Being rather resourceful, he went to the part of the building where the restrooms were, looked at the signs on the two doors and memorized those two words.

When the audience arrived and he was introduced, he stood up and said in Spanish, “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.”

The audience was shocked. He didn’t know whether he had offended them or perhaps, they hadn’t heard him or understood him. So, he decided to repeat it. Again in Spanish, he said, “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.”

One person in the audience began to snicker. Pretty soon the entire audience was laughing. Finally, someone told him that he had said, “Good evening, bathrooms and broom closets!”

~~~

The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you’re not in shape for it, it’s too far to walk back.

~~~

I learned a lesson in marketing from a man who bought an old boat, a trailer and a motor from me.

“Thanks,” he said as he loaded them up. “I’m planning to resell them.”

Good luck, I thought. I had been trying to get rid of them for months. But when I ran into him a few weeks later, he’d sold everything.

“How did you manage that”? I marveled.

“I took out an ad: ‘Heavy-duty boat trailer with free boat.’ When the buyer came to get it, I asked if he had a motor. He said no. I told him I happened to have one in my garage. Bought that, too!”

~~~

“It’s the tragedy of the world that no one knows what he doesn’t know — and the less a man knows, the more sure he is that he knows everything.”  

Joyce Cary

~~~

What Not To Say To A Cop

1. I can’t reach my license unless you hold my beer.  

2. Sorry, I didn’t realize my radar detector wasn’t on.  

3. Aren’t you the guy from the Village People?  

4. Hey, you must have been going 125 mph just to keep up with me!  

5. I thought you had to be in good physical condition to be a cop.  

6. Bad cop! No donut!  

7. You’re gonna check the trunk, aren’t you?  

8. I was going to be a cop, really, but I decided to finish high school instead.  

9. I pay your salary.  

10. That’s terrific, the last guy only gave me a warning also.  

11. Is that a 9mm? It’s nothing compared to this .44 magnum!  

12. What do you mean, have I been drinking? You’re a trained specialist?  

13. Do you know why you pulled me over? Good, at least one of us does.  

14. That gut doesn’t inspire too much confidence; bet I can outrun you.  

15. Didn’t I see you get your butt kicked on Cops?  

16. Is it true people become cops because they’re too dumb to work at McDonald’s?  

17. I was trying to keep up with traffic.  

18. Yes, I know there are no other cars around–That’s how far they are ahead of me.  

~~~

The smallest good deed is better than the grandest good intention.

Unknown

~~~

A woman went into a bank to get a check cashed, but she didn’t have an account with them. When the teller asked for some identification, the woman showed her several charge cards, her social security card and a current library card.

The teller told her they needed a driver’s license, but the woman said she didn’t have one.

“Don’t you have anything with your picture on it?” the teller asked, politely.

“Oh, sure,” she said, as she flipped to a family photo in her wallet.

Pointing to the people in the picture she says proudly,

“See right here….that’ s me in the back row.”

~~~

Nobody can be just like me. Even I have trouble.

~~~

A minister in a little church had been having trouble with the collections.  

One Sunday he announced, “Now, before we pass the collection plate, I would like to request that the person who stole the chickens from Farmer Condill’s henhouse please refrain from giving any money to the Lord.  The Lord doesn’t want money from a thief!”  

The collection plate was passed around, and for the first time in months everybody gave.  

~~~

You choose the life you live. If you don’t like it, it’s on you to change it because no one else is going to do it for you.

Kim Kiyosaki

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Don’t Let Them Get To You

Ray’s Daily

December 9, 2021

http://rays-daily.com

“Don’t be distracted by criticism. Remember, the only taste of success some people have is when they take a bite out of you.”

Zig Ziglar

I had lunch with a good friend of mine the other day and we talked about folks we know who seem to have a bitter outlook on life. These people are often insensitive and highly critical of those around them. We both felt that it is difficult to sustain friendships with those who lack empathy and who are quick to blaim others. It seems like society is so polarized these days that some limit their thought to only ideas that fit their view of the world.

I prefer spending time with those who keep an open mind and I feel sorry for those who only see and hear only things that feed their point of view. It is up to us to keep ourselves from letting the nay sayers move us to anger. Here is something offered by Angel Chernoff awhile ago that I think has value.

10 Things to Remember Before You Take Things Personally

The key is in reminding yourself to gracefully deflect the senseless negativity around you. When you sense negativity coming at you, give it a small push back with a thought like, “That remark (or gesture) is not really about me, it’s about you.” Remember that all people have emotional issues they’re dealing with (just like you), and it makes them defiant, rude, and downright thoughtless sometimes. They are doing the best they can, or they’re not even aware of their issues. In any case, you can learn not to interpret their behaviors as personal attacks, and instead see them as non-personal encounters (like a dog barking in the distance, or a bumblebee buzzing by) that you can either respond to gracefully, or not respond to at all.

But again, this doesn’t come naturally—NOT taking things personally is a skill to be honed.

  1. Calmness is a superpower. The ability to not overreact or take things personally keeps your mind clear and your heart at peace.
  2. Even when it seems personal, rarely do people do things because of you, they do things because of them.
  3. You may not be able control all the things people say and do to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.
  4. There is a huge amount of freedom that comes to you when you detach from other people’s beliefs and behaviors. The way people treat you is their problem, how you react is yours. (Marc and I discuss this further in the “Self-Love” chapter of our “1,000 Little Things” book.)
  5. Oftentimes people do things and say things because they’ve been conditioned to, not because they consciously want to.
  6. You can’t control how people receive your energy. Whatever someone interprets, or projects onto you, is at least partially an issue or problem that they themselves are dealing with.
  7. Take constructive criticism seriously, but not personally. Weigh what you hear from others against what you know in your heart to be true.
  8. If you’re willing to view the behavior of other people as indicative of their relationship with themselves, then you will inevitably take things less personally.
  9. If you truly wish to improve your self-confidence, self-esteem, and self-worth, stop allowing other people to be responsible for them. Stop allowing other people to dominate your emotions. (Marc and I build powerful self-confidence rituals with our students in the “Love and Relationships” module of Getting Back to Happy and with our private coaching clients.)
  10. All the hardest, coldest people you meet were once as soft as a baby. And that’s the tragedy of living. So when people are rude, be kind, be mindful, be your best. Give those around you the “break” that you hope the world will give you on your own “bad day” and you will never, ever regret it.

~~~

“Don’t waste your energy trying to change opinions…Do your thing, and don’t care if they like it.”

Tina Fey

~~~

These four rabbis had a series of theological arguments, and three were always in accord against the fourth. One day, the odd rabbi out, after the usual “3 to 1, majority rules” statement that signified that he had lost again, decided to appeal to a higher authority.

“Oh, God!” he cried. “I know in my heart that I am right and they are wrong! Please give me a sign to prove it to them!”

It was a beautiful, sunny day. As soon as the rabbi finished his prayer, a storm cloud moved across the sky above the four. It rumbled once and dissolved. “A sign from God! See, I’m right, I knew it!” But the other three disagreed, pointing out that storm clouds form on hot days.

So the rabbi prayed again: “Oh, God, I need a bigger sign to show that I am right and they are wrong. So please, God, a bigger sign!” This time four storm clouds appeared, rushed toward each other to form one big cloud, and a bolt of lightning slammed into a tree on a nearby hill.

“I told you I was right!” cried the rabbi, but his friends insisted that nothing had happened that could not be explained by natural causes.

The rabbi was getting ready to ask for a VERY big sign, but just as he said, “Oh God…,” the sky turned pitch black, the earth shook, and a deep, booming voice intoned, “HEEEEEEEE’S RIIIIIIIGHT!”

The rabbi put his hands on his hips, turned to the other three, and said, “Well?”

“So,” shrugged one of the other rabbis, “now it’s 3 to 2.”

~~~

You can’t have everything, where would you put it?

~~~

A psychology student was to help a professor in conducting a personality test. The room was set up with various props in order to move through the assessment quickly. The first person to enter the room started through the test.

“How does this glass of water look to you?”

Person 1: It is half empty.

Student writes ‘pessimist’ in his report.

Person 2 enters the room. “How does this glass of water look to you?”

Person 2: It is half full.

Student writes ‘optimist’ in his report.

Person 3 enters the room. “How does this glass of water look to you?”

Person 3: Looks like you have twice as much glass as you need there.

The student looks totally blank and goes to consult with the professor.

“Oh them!” the professor says, “I forgot to warn you about the engineers! They have no personality.”

~~~

The way I see it, if you want to see the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.

Dolly Parton

~~~

She said: After directory assistance gave me my boyfriend’s new telephone number, I dialed him — and got a woman.

“Is Mike there?” I asked.

“He’s in the shower,” she responded.

“Please tell him his girlfriend called,” I said and hung up.

When he didn’t return the call, I dialed again. This time a man answered. “This is Mike,” he said.

“You’re not my boyfriend!” I exclaimed.

“I know,” he replied. “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell my wife for the past half-hour.”

~~~

“The final proof of greatness lies in being able to endure criticism without resentment.”

Elbert Hubbard

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Because We Can

Ray’s Daily

December 8, 2021

http://rays-daily.com

A positive attitude from you tends to produce a positive attitude toward you.

Deborah Day

Ray’s Daily first published on December 8, 2004

A few weeks ago I stood in front of a group of men and women who were in the process of a midlife job search. I made some comment along the lines of this being a great opportunity to find something that will give them pleasure in the years ahead. I ended by saying that it was the time to search for the job they like versus the job they can do. After the meeting, one of the attendees asked if we could schedule a time when we could have coffee together to discuss his job search. We met the first time for about three hours at a local Starbucks. As we were leaving he asked me why I was so willing to spend time with him, a perfect stranger. I said something about how it provided me a chance to make new friends.

I later thought about his question and a quote from the past came to mind, it was March 1923, when in an interview with The New York Times, the British mountaineer George Leigh Mallory was asked why he wanted to climb Mount Everest, and he replied, ‘Because it’s there’. That triggered me to realize that I was spending time with my new friend because I can. He and I have spent hours since and fortunately he is pleased with the results. Since then I have thought about the things people do, many for glory and recognition, others for financial or material reward, and others for no more apparent reason than just because they can. The more I think about it the more I realize that it is the unrecognized good that is being done by so many, just because they can, that makes our world a better place. Once we understand that we do not need special recognition from anyone but ourselves and that we have the capacity to do little things that mean something to others, great opportunities open for us to enrich our lives.

I could read, play, or lay around, because I can, or I can spend time working with others, because I can. If working with others makes even just a small difference I will have spent the time doing something of value. We all have choices, we should not limit ourselves to only things that are centered on our self interest, but rather do unselfish things just because we can. And guess what, our self interest will be served because we did what we could.

~~~

We don’t know who we are until we see what we can do.

Martha Grimes

~~~

This is a conversation that took place between a person(Y) in the public and a marketing guy(X).

X: Which shaving cream do you use?

Y: Baba’s

X: Which aftershave do you use?

Y: Baba’s X: Which deodorant do you use?

Y: Baba’s

X: Which toothpaste do you use?

Y: Baba’s

X: Which shampoo do you use?

Y: Baba’s

X: Which vests do you use?

Y: Baba’s

X(Frustrated): O.k. tell me, What is this Baba?    Is it an international company???

Y: No, He is my room-mate.

~~~

My friends tell me that I refuse to grow up, but I know they’re just jealous because they don’t have pajamas with feet.

Tom Sims

~~~

PRISON VS BEING A HOUSEWIFE

In prison you get three square meals a day. At home, you cook three square meals a day and try to get your kids to eat it.

In prison you get an hour each day in the yard to exercise and mingle. At home you get to clean the yard up so you can mow it so your kids can spread more toys all over it so that you can go out and clean it again because little Jr. can’t sleep without his latest Lego creation.

In prison you get to watch TV, cable even. At home you get to listen your children fight over the remote control and get treated to hours and hours of mindless cartoons thanks to cable.

In prison you can read whatever you want and attend college for free. At home you get to read weekly readers starring Dick, Jane, and Spot and worry about how to send Jr. to college and still be able to eat for the next twenty years.

In prison all your medical care is free. At home you have to pawn your mother’s silver and fill out trillions of papers for insurance and hope the doctor will see you before you die.

In prison, if you have visitors, all you do is go to a room, sit, talk and then say good-bye when you are ready or your time is up. At home you get to clean for days in advance and then cook and clean up after your guests and hope that they will one day leave.

In prison you can spend your free time writing letters or just hang out in your own space all day. At home you get to clean your space and everyone else’s space, too, and what the heck is free time again?

In prison you get your own personal toilet. At home you have to physically hold the bathroom door shut in order to keep from having someone standing over you demanding to know how long till you’re done so you can do something for them.

In prison the prison laundry takes care of all your dirty clothes. At home you get to take care of them yourself, plus everybody else’s, and get yelled at because somebody’s favorite shirt isn’t clean.

In prison they take you everywhere you need to go. At home you take everybody else where they need to go.

In prison the guards transport all your personal effects for you and make sure nothing is missing. At home you have to lug around everybody else’s stuff in your purse and then wonder who went in it and took your last dollar.

In prison there are no screaming or whining children or spouses asking you to do something else for them, or screaming at you because you didn’t. At home….stop me when I get to the downside of jail, will ya?

~~~

A mouse trap placed on top of your hubby’s alarm clock will prevent him from rolling over and going back to sleep.

~~~

Sitting behind a couple of nuns at a baseball game (whose habits partially blocked the view), three men decided to badger the nuns in an effort to get them to move.

In a very loud voice, the first guy said, ‘I think I’m going to move to Utah, there are only 100 nuns there’.

The second guy spoke up and said, “I want to go to Montana, there are only 50 nuns living there’.

The third guy said, ‘I want to go to Idaho, there are only 25 nuns living there’.

One of the nuns turned around, looked at the men, and in a very sweet, calm voice said, ‘Why don’t you go to hell … there aren’t any nuns there’.

~~~

“Women only have two complaints: Nothing to wear, and not enough closet space for it.”

~~~

Several American nurses were receiving specialized training at a hospital in Liverpool, England. These nurses had little money for meals, so they ate the awful food provided at the hospital complex. Sometimes kindly visitors would give them some of the treats they had brought for patients who had not wanted to eat them.

One night a woman brought a pie to the kitchen and said to one of the nurses,

“Would you eat this up, love?”   So she and another American student nurse devoured every delicious crumb!

Soon the woman returned, however, and asked…..”Is me ‘usband’s pie ‘ot yet, dearie?”

~~~

Milton Berle once quipped that “all the world loves a lover — except people who are waiting to use the phone.”

~~~

If we attend continually and promptly to the little that we can do,

We shall ere long be surprised to find how little remains that we cannot do.

Samuel Butler

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Love

Ray’s Daily

December 7, 2021

http://rays-daily.com

A loving heart is the truest wisdom.

Charles Dickens

The longer I live the more I realize how much we get from others. I don’t mean material things but rather the nurturing that comes from their caring. Love is a great elixir, one that can be offered and received. In my experience those who offer their love to others become loved by many.

Here is something to remind us of how we can enrich our days.

May you always feel loved

May you find serenity and tranquillity in a world, you may not always understand.

May the pain you have known and conflict you have experienced, give you the strength to walk through life, facing each new situation with courage and optimism. Always know that there are those whose love and understanding will always be there, even when you feel most alone.

May you discover enough goodness in others to believe in a world of peace.

May a kind word, a reassuring touch, a warm smile be yours – every day of your life, and may you give these gifts as well as receive them. Remember the sunshine when the storm seems unending. Teach love to those who know hate, and let that love embrace you as you go into the world.

May the teaching of those you admire become part of you, so that you may call upon them. Remember, those whose lives you have touched and who have touched yours are always a part of you, even if the encounters were less than you would have wished. It is the content of the encounter that is more important than it’s form.

May you not become too concerned with material matters, but instead place immeasurable value on the goodness in your heart. Find time in each day to see the beauty and love in the world around you. Realise that each person has limitless abilities, but each of us is different in our own way. What you may feel you lack in one regard.

May you be more than compensated for in another for what you feel you lack in the present. May it become one of your strengths in the future.

May you see your future as one filled with promise and possibility. Learn to view everything as a worthwhile experience.

May you find enough inner strength to determine your own worth by yourself, and not be dependent on another’s judgement of your accomplishments.

May you always feel loved.

Written by Sandra Sturtz Hauss

~~~

Let us always meet each other with smile, for the smile is the beginning of love.

Mother Teresa

~~~

As we approach the post holiday retiree exodus to the South I thought those of you who will be traveling through Atlanta should be prepared, so here goes:

1. Atlanta is comprised entirely of one way streets. The only way to get out of downtown Atlanta is to turn around and start over when you reach Greenville, South Carolina.

2. All directions start with, “Go down Peachtree…”

3. Peachtree Street has no beginning and no end.

4. Atlanta is home of Coca Cola. That’s all they drink there, so don’t ask for any other soft drink.

5. Atlantans only know their way home and their way to work.

6. Gate One at the Airport is 32 miles away from the Main Concourse.

7. It’s impossible to go around a block and wind up on the street you started on. The Chamber of Commerce calls this a “scenic drive”.

8. The 8 a.m. rush hour is from 6:30 to 9:30 a.m. The 5:00 p.m. rush hour is from 3:30 to 6:30 p.m. Friday’s rush hour starts Thursday morning.

9. Reversible Lanes are not understood by anybody.

10. “Sir” and “Ma’am” are used by the person speaking to you if there’s a remote possibility that you’re at least 30 minutes older than they are.

11. “Sugar” is a more common form of address than “Miss”. So is “Honey”.

12. Ponce de Leon Avenue can only be pronounced by a native, so do not attempt the Spanish pronunciation. People will simply tilt their heads to the right and stare at you.

13. The falling of one rain drop causes all traffic to immediately cease; so will daylight savings time and a girl applying eye shadow across the street, or a flat tire three lanes over.

14. If you’re standing on a corner and a MARTA Bus stops, you’re expected to get on and go somewhere.

15. Atlanta is pronounced “Lan-uh”.

16. Construction on Peachtree Street is a way of life, and a permanent form of entertainment.

17. Construction crews aren’t doing their job properly unless they close down all lanes except one during rush hour.

18. Atlanta’s traffic is the friendliest around. The commuters spend hours mingling with each other twice a day. In fact, Atlanta’s traffic is rated number 1 in the country. You will often see people parked beside the road and engaged in lively discussions.

19. Atlantans are very proud of their race track, known as Road Atlanta. It winds throughout the city on the Interstates, hence its name.

20. Georgia 400 is the southern equivalent of the AutoBahn. You will rarely see a semi-truck on GA400, because the truck drivers are intimidated by the oversized-SUV-wielding housewives racing home after a grueling day at the salon or the tennis match to meet their children at the school bus.

~~~

Man blames most accidents on fate – but feels a more personal responsibility when he makes a hole-in-one on the golf course.

~~~
Inventions That Didn’t Succeed
The waterproof towel
Glow in the dark sunglasses
Solar powered flashlights
Submarine screen doors
A book on how to read
Inflatable dart boards
A dictionary index
Mechanical pencil sharpeners
Powdered water
Waterproof tea bags
The helicopter ejector seat
~~~

“You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man of your background,” sneered the lawyer at a witness on the stand.

“If I wasn’t under oath, I’d return the compliment,” replied the witness.

~~~

The only people with whom you should try to get even are those who have helped you.
MAE MALOO
~~~

The other day, there was a bomb scare in Rio Rancho, NM, at the Giant gas station. Of course, the bomb squad had to be called out to investigate, which in turn brought the news crews.

In the local paper the next day, there was a picture of a bomb squad member, wearing a shirt that read:
“I am a bomb technician. If you see me running, try to keep up!”

~~~
“A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s. She changes it more often.”
  Oliver Herford
~~~

The shipwrecked mariner had spent several years on a deserted island. Then one morning he was thrilled to see a ship offshore and a smaller vessel pulling out toward him.

When the boat grounded on the beach, the officer in charge handed the marooned sailor a bundle of newspapers and told him, “With the captain’s compliments. He said to read through these and let us know if you still want to be rescued.”

~~~

John: I got this great new hearing aid the other day.
Mary: Are you wearing it now?
John: Yup. Cost me four thousand dollars, though. But it’s top of the line.
Mary: What kind is it?
John: Twelve-thirty

~~~

Adolescence is a period of rapid change. Between the ages of twelve and seventeen, for example, a child may see his parents age twenty years.

~~~

Love is friendship that has caught fire. It is quiet understanding, mutual confidence, sharing and forgiving. It is loyalty through good and bad times. It settles for less than perfection and makes allowances for human weaknesses.

Ann Landers

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Be Independent

Ray’s Daily

December 6, 2021

http://rays-daily.com

A man can stand a lot as long as he can stand himself.

Axel Munthe

No matter our age our ability to manage ourselves can make a difference in our well being. I know I appreciate my friends and family helping through some of the things I can no longer do on my own. But that notwithstanding I still retain decision making as I enjoy my life.

Some of my friends do not have an external support system but thrive because of their ability to manage their lives. We never know when we might become alone and it is those who have retained their independence who make the best of their lives.

Here is a abridged piece I picked up from the internet. I do not know the author but appreciate the work.

8 Benefits Of Having Independence

Outlined here are eight reasons why achieving independence is essential.

1.  Being independent is a boost to your confidence. – The more independent you are, the more confident you will become. Having confidence gives you a positive outlook on life.  You are going to be willing to do things on your own, without needing support or approval from others.

2.  You will not need to rely on others. – Self-reliance is a significant element in being an independent person.  When you can make decisions for yourself without relying on others to approve or sanction your choice, so you are acting independently

3.  Emotional independence makes you happier. – One significant aspect of being mature is handling your emotions without recourse to help from others.  Many challenging situations will arise throughout the course of our lives.  How we handle these situations is a mark of how mature and independent we are.

4.  Freedom through financial independence. – Having financial independence is a fantastic feeling.  It means that you don’t have to depend on others to pay for you.  Knowing you are in control of your income and spending without referring to anyone else reduces stress and improves your feeling of contentedness.

5.  Being independent makes you a better decision-maker. – If you are dependent on other people, your ability to make clear, precise decisions is severely affected.  You will always have to consider the effect that your choices will have on those other people.

6.  Independence leads to personal improvement. – When you are independent, you can lead a more free social life, and undertake activities that appeal to you.  No-one else will be trying to limit your ambition.  You can meet new friends, try new things, and follow up on new opportunities.  All of this will lead to you growing as a person, becoming more experienced, have a better understanding of the ways of the world, and become more knowledgeable.

7.  Independence leads to broader horizons. – Once you can function as an independent person without constraints placed on you by others, you can broaden your horizons.  You will be able to take trips to exotic destinations, meet people with different social and moral beliefs, and gain more extensive knowledge.  In turn, this will lead you to think differently about many aspects of your life.  It might affect the way you approach decision-making, or, on a simpler level, change your attitude to food.

8.  Independence is a boost to your self-esteem. – Self-esteem is tied in very closely to achieving success.  How we see ourselves can affect our whole approach to life.  The more independent you are, the more likely it is that you will have positive self-esteem.  Self-belief is the inseparable partner of self-esteem.

If you see yourself in a positive light, then you will have greater belief in your abilities.  In turn, this will give you more confidence, and you will take a positive approach to working towards your goals. When you can act independently in each of these areas of your life, then you will have become a mature adult with a positive attitude towards everything you do.  This is why independence is important.

~~~

Independent people look at what’s worked, learn from what hasn’t, set new priorities, and then move on.

Jeanne Sharbuno

~~~

From his performance reviews:

* his men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity

* works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap

* he would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle

* this employee should go far, and the sooner he starts the better

* he does not have ulcers, but he’s a carrier

* he would argue with a signpost

* he brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room

* if you see two people talking and one looks bored, he’s the other one

* gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn’t coming

* if you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean

* some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled

* takes him 11/2 hours to watch ’60 minutes”

~~~

Money is the poor people’s credit card. –Marshall McLuhan

~~~

Finally, we’ve learned why Webster compiled the dictionary. Every morning at breakfast, he’d sit down and talk to the wife for a few minutes. As soon as he said something, she’d say, “Now what’s that supposed to mean?”

~~~

Two women are talking in a coffee shop when one says, “You know, there were very few things that upset my ex-husband.”

“Really?” asks the other woman.

“Yes, and it makes me feel rather special to have been one of them.”

~~~

“A keen sense of humor helps us to overlook the unbecoming, understand the unconventional, tolerate the unpleasant, overcome the unexpected, and outlast the unbearable.”

Billy Graham

~~~

Last year I got my wife a Christmas gift that left her speechless. In fact, she didn’t speak to me for three weeks.

~~~

An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him. He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, a pessimist by nature, and invited him to hunt with him and his new dog.

As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. They fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. However, he did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet.

The friend saw everything but did not say a single word.

On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, “Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?”

“I sure did,” responded his friend. “He can’t swim.”

~~~

Better by far that you should forget and smile than that you should remember and be sad.

~~~

Seven year old Susie went to her dad, who was working in the yard, and asked, “Daddy, what’s sex?”  He thought, well, is she interested in this already? Then he decided that if she was old enough to ask the question, then she was old enough to get a straight answer. He proceeded to tell her all about the birds and the bees, embellished with a simple but thorough discussion of what he thought she should know, including discreet references to body parts.  When he finished explaining, Susie stood there looking at him with her mouth hanging open.

Her father asked, “Why did you ask this question?”

“Oh,” Susie replied. “Mommy just told me to come outside and find you and tell you that dinner would be ready in a couple of secs.”

~~~

Death to all fanatics!

~~~

A business executive injured his leg skiing one weekend.

By the time he got home Sunday, the leg was very swollen and he was having difficulty walking, so he called his physician at his home.  The doctor told him to soak it in hot water.  He tried soaking it in hot water but the leg became more swollen and more painful.

His maid saw him limping and said, “I don’t know, I’m only a maid, but I always thought it was better to use cold water, not hot, for swelling.” He tried switching to cold water, and the swelling rapidly subsided.

On Monday morning he called his Dr.  again to complain.  “Say Doc, what kind of a doctor are you anyway?  You told me to soak my leg in hot water and it got worse.  My maid told me to use cold water and it got better.”

“Really?” answered the doctor, “I don’t understand it – my maid said hot water.”

~~~

You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who’ll decide where to go.

Dr. Seuss

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Lessons About Life

Ray’s Daily

December 3, 2021

http://rays-daily.com

The wisest mind has something yet to learn.

George Santanaya

When you get to be my age you realize you really do not need much more than you already have. In fact in my case I still have too many clothes and want for little more things than I already have. What I do covet is the time I get to spend with the many good people I live with in my senior citizen residence.

It seems like the older folks become the wiser they are. They probably have always possessed the attributes that make them special today, it is just that now they are more willing to share.

I do appreciate the gifts of the friendship given by these good people. The following story is a reminder for all we can have if we are willing to accept the offerings of others.

Gift Exchange – lessons about life!

‘I just got back from the gift exchange,’ she said.

‘Did someone give you something you didn’t want?’ I asked.

‘No, not at all. I got more than I thought I would,’ she replied.

‘So you had too many gifts?’ I asked.

‘Oh, no. You could never get too many,’ she said so seriously.

‘Then, I’m confused. You were returning a gift that you received and didn’t want because you had more than you could use, but never enough of whatever it was,” I said. Of course I had no idea what I just said, but it was what I heard.

‘No. I wasn’t returning anything. I was giving it away,’ she said.

I felt like I was watching an episode of ‘I Love Lucy’ with Ricky Ricardo and Lucille Ball.

‘Let’s start over. Where were you?’ I asked.

‘I went to the nursing home. I volunteer to visit people there,’ she said.

‘You said you went to the gift exchange.’

‘Oh, I see your problem. That’s what I call it, the ‘Gift Exchange’ – I go to the nursing home to spend time with some of the most fascinating people. I’m only in my 40s. These people are in their 70s, 80s and older. They have so much to offer. Their stories are special gifts to me. Their life experience and lessons are so incredibly valuable. I learn so much from them,’ she said.

‘So, that is the gift exchange?’ I asked.

‘Yes, I give them my time, they teach me about life.’

What an incredible way to look at it. All these years that I have been writing, all these people that I have met along the way were all a part of the ‘Gift Exchange.’

Why not join us. Take time to speak to someone at the Mall today. Make time to stop and say “hello” to someone in your neighbourhood. Attend a church function and meet new people. Visit a local nursing home. Phone someone.

You have so much to give and so much more to get. The ‘Gift Exchange’ is open 24 hours a day.

Written by Bob Perks

~~~

The bird a nest, the spider a web, man friendship.

William Blake

~~~

Excerpts from some kids’ letters to God:

Dear God, Did you mean for the giraffe to look like that or was it an accident? Norma

Dear God, Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones, why don’t You just keep the ones you have now? Jane

Dear God, Who draws the lines around the countries? Nan

Dear God, I went to this wedding and they kissed right in church. Is that okay? Neil

Dear God, Thank you for my baby brother, but what I prayed for was a puppy. Joyce

Dear God, It rained for our whole vacation and is my father mad! He said some things about you that people are not supposed to say, but I hope you will not hurt him anyway. Your friend (but I am not going to tell you who I am)

~~~

It’s a small world, once you’ve made the long trip to the airport.

~~~

The chief of staff of the US Air Force decided that he would personally intervene in the recruiting crisis affecting all of our armed services. So, he directed that a nearby Air Force base be opened and that all eligible young men and women be invited. As he and his staff were standing near an brand new F-15 Fighter, a pair of twin brothers who looked like they had just stepped off a Marine Corps recruiting poster walked up to them.

The chief of staff walked up to them, stuck out his hand and introduced himself. He looked at the first young man and asked, “Son, what skills can you bring to the Air Force?”

The young man looks at him and says, “I’m a pilot!”

The general gets all excited, turns to his aide and says, “Get him in today, all the paper work done, everything, do it!” The aide hustles the young man off.

The general looks at the second young man and asked, “What skills to you bring to the Air Force?”

The young man says, “I chop wood!”

“Son,” the general replies, “we don’t need wood choppers in the Air Force, what do you know how to do?”

“I chop wood!”

“Young man,” huffs the general, “you are not listening to me, we don’t need wood choppers, this is the 20th century!”

“Well,” the young man says, “you hired my brother!”

“Of course we did,” says the general, “he’s a pilot!”

The young man rolls his eyes and says, “Dang it, I have to chop it before he can pile it!”

~~~

While my wife and I were shopping at a mall kiosk, a shapely young woman in a short, form-fitting dress strolled by. My eyes followed her.

Without looking up from the item she was examining, my wife asked, “Was it worth the trouble you’re in?”

~~~

The three major food groups are canned, frozen and takeout.

~~~

Here are some questions asked on forms with interesting answers:

Form: Length of Residence…Answer: 73 feet

 Form: Reason for requesting employmen  Answer: Money

 Form: Beneficiary Answer: Wife — Form: Relationship Answer: Strained

 Form: Purpose of withdrawal Answer: Get money to spend

 Form: Person to notify in Case of Accident Answer: Anyone in sight

 Form: Number of passengers in vehicle during accident Answer: Three — Form: Disposition of passengers Answer: Mad as Hell !

 Form: Number of employees in your office, broken down by sex Answer: None that I know of, Liquor is a much larger problem

~~~

Monotony is the awful reward of the careful.

A.G. Buckham

~~~

While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about six years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, “Are you a police officer?”

“Yes,” I answered, and continued writing the report.

“My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?”

“Yes, that’s right,” I told her.

“Well, then,” she said as she extended her foot toward me, “would you please tie my shoe?”

~~~

Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.

~~~

A policeman arrives at the scene of an accident, in which a car smashed into a tree. The cop rushes over to the vehicle and asks the driver, “Are you seriously hurt?”

“How do I know?” the driver responds. “I’m not a lawyer!”

~~~

It takes a long time to become young.

Pablo Picasso

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Remember the Good Years

Ray’s Daily

December 2, 2021

http://rays-daily.com

“Only people who are capable of loving strongly can also suffer great sorrow, but this same necessity of loving serves to counteract their grief and heals them.”

Leo Tolstoy

Ray’s Daily first published on December 2, 2004

As you know the news is not always good. Each day one or more of us has to carry a heavy burden. I hope that we all do what we can to share the load, or at least provide empathy to those who must deal with tragedy in their lives.

Yesterday I just got an e-mail from a friend who just lost her brother to cancer at too young an age. My friend shared her brother’s almost intolerable agony as his life slipped away over a long period of time. I also recently heard from an old friend’s daughter that her dad has inoperable lung cancer and is terminal, this on top of her mother dying of cancer not that many months ago. Not only that, she told me that her brother’s son is fighting a brain tumor. This family has been friends of ours for nearly 50 years, when we lived in the same city they were our brothers and sisters. They deserve better.

My heart goes out to those who are suffering and to those who suffer with them as they watch loved ones battle for their very lives. I never have adequate words to express just how much I wish that they did not have to go through these terrible life experiences. It is a time when our friends probably need us most. While it is not too much fun to put your arm around someone who is sharing the pain of a loved one, there is no better time to show them that we care. As we reach the end of another year I hope that these wonderful caregivers will find life a little better in the months ahead.

Each of us experience pain and joy as life goes on. At least we have been given the memories of the good years, years that those we have lost would most like to be remembered. It is up to us to remember the past while making the best of the future. I wish us all well.

~~~

The best memory is that which forgets nothing, but injuries.

Write kindness in marble and write injuries in the dust.

Persian Proverb

~~~

Every man’s memory is his private literature.

Aldous Huxley

~~~

A couple went to pay a visit to another couple, unannounced.

The wife answered the door.  “Come in,” she said.

The other couple came in, sat down, then asked, “Where’s Jack?”

“Oh,” replied his wife, “he’s in the bathroom, grouting and spackling.”

“Oh, dear,” said the other lady, “I had that once and didn’t get over it for two weeks.”

~~~

Being right too soon is socially unacceptable.

~~~

Here is some more about where I live.

YOU KNOW YOU’RE FROM INDIANA WHEN:

You think the state Bird is Larry.

You can say “French Lick” without laughing out loud.

There’s actually a college near you named “Ball State.”

You know Batesville is the casket-making capital of the world and you’re proud of it.

You could never figure out spring forward-fall back, so screw Daylight Savings Time!

Down south to you means Kentucky.

You have no problem spelling or pronouncing Terre Haute.

Your school classes were canceled because of cold.

Your school classes were canceled because of heat.

You know what the phrase “knee-high by the Fourth of July” means.

You’ve heard of Euchre, you know how to play Euchre, and you are a master of Euchre.

Detassling was your first job. Bailing hay, your second. Or you could stack hay, swim in the pond to clean off and then have the strength to play a couple of games of hoops, all in the same barn lot on the same day.

You say things like catty-wampus and kitty corner and know what they mean.

You install security lights on your house and garage, then leave them both unlocked.

You drink pop. You catch frogs at the crick. If you want someone to hear you, you holler at ’em.

You know that baling wire was the predecessor to duct tape.

You know that strangers are the only ones who come to your front door.

You think nothing of driving on the roads and being stuck behind a farm implement in spring and fall. You just hope it’s not a hog truck or a manure spreader.

High school basketball games draw bigger crowds on the weekend than movie theaters, If you have a movie theater.

Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.

The local paper covers national and international headlines on one page but requires six for local sports.

You can repeat the scores of the last eight NBA games, but unless the MVP is a Hoosier, you are not sure who he is.

You can see at least two basketball hoops from your yard.

Indianapolis is the BIG CITY.

Getting stuck by a train is a legitimate excuse for being late to school or work.

Everyone knows who the town cops are, where they live, and whether they’re at home or on duty.

You’ve been to the Covered Bridge Festival. And you took back roads to get there. Why sit in traffic?

To you, tenderloin is not an expensive cut of beef, but a big, salty, breaded, & fried piece of pork served on a bun with pickle.

You end your sentences with prepositions, as in “Where’s it at?” or “Where’s he going to?”

~~~

Ever once in a while, take the scenic route.

~~~

An elderly couple were sitting together watching television. During one of the commercials, the husband asked his wife, “Whatever happened to our sexual relations?”

After a long, thoughtful silence, the wife replied, during the next commercial, “You know, I don’t even think we got a Christmas card from them this year.”

~~~

Mr. Allen, a high-powered executive trying to impress a client in his office, flipped on his intercom switch and barked to his secretary, “Miss Hunter, get my broker!”

The client was impressed until he heard the secretary’s clear voice saying, “Yes, sir, stock or pawn!”

~~~

A good memory is one trained to forget the trivial.

Clifton Fadiman

~~~

He was a good man but a bit stingy.  He would bargain and haggle on a price, never paying the price asked.  He especially hated paying his medical fees.

One day, while eating fish, a bone became lodged in his throat and within minutes he could scarcely breathe.  His wife frantically calls the family doctor, who arrived just as the patient’s face was turning blue. The physician quickly removed the bone with a pair of forceps.

After he was breathing normally again, although overwhelmed with gratitude to the doctor for saving his life, he began to worry about the medical fees.

Trying his best to keep his costs down & down play the whole episode, he turns to the good doctor and asks,

“So, doc, how much do I owe you for that small two-minute job?”

The doctor, who knew his patient’s miserly habit all too well, replies,

“Just pay me half of what you would have when the bone was still stuck in your throat!”

~~~

The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.

~~~

It was a terrible night, blowing cold and snow in a most frightful manner. The streets were deserted and the local baker was just about to close up shop when a little Jewish man slipped through the door. He carried an umbrella, blown inside out, and was bundled in two sweaters and a thick coat. But even so he still looked wet, freezing, and bedraggled.

As he unwound his scarf he said to the baker, “May I have two poppy seed bagels to go, please?”

The baker said in astonishment, “Two bagels? Nothing more?”

“That’s right,” answered the little man. “One for me and one for Sherry.”

“Sherry is your wife?” asked the baker.

“What did you think,” snapped the little man, “that my mother would send me out on a night like this?”

~~~

When the heart grieves over what is has lost, The spirit rejoices over what it has left.

Sufi Epigram

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

The Good Life

Ray’s Daily

December 1, 2021

http://rays-daily.com

“Make the most of yourself–for that is all there is of you.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Here we go, a new month. This has been a challenging year for most of us with the health restrictions and contentious world. While it has not been easy most of my friends and family have demonstrated their capacity to cope with each trouble they have encountered. Most of us are stronger from the effort and have what it takes to handle whatever the future brings. The best part is we can do it with a positive stance.

Here is a reminder of how we can invest in the days ahead.

     Reflecting on Life

Take time to stop today

Take time to stop a while

Reflect on how life changes

Then take the time to smile

Know that as the days go by

These things that challenge you

Will one day just be memories

Of times you have gone through

Look back now on yesterday

And all you have achieved

Recognise the strengths you’ve gained

The blessings you’ve received

One day in the future

You will think about today

You’ll see just how these challenges

Have helped you on your way

   Written by Michelle Tetley

~~~

“Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our fears.”

 Les Brown

~~~

After spending 3-1/2 hours enduring the long lines, surly clerks and insane regulations at the Department of Motor Vehicles, I stopped at a toy store to pick up a gift for my son.

I brought my selection – a baseball bat – to the cash register.

“Cash or charge?” the clerk asked.

“Cash,” I snapped. Then apologizing for my rudeness, I explained, “I’ve spent the afternoon at the motor-vehicle bureau.”

“Shall I gift wrap the bat?” the clerk asked sweetly. “Or are you going back there?”

~~~

Elections: Things that are held to see if the polls were right.

Yasha

~~~

I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day, I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, “The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.”

He responded, “Is that Eastern or Pacific time”?

Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, “Uh, Pacific.”

~~~

“There are two types of people who will tell you that you cannot make a difference in this world: Those who are afraid to try and those who are afraid you will succeed.”

Ray Goforth

~~~

You are no longer “cool” when …..

  • You find yourself listening to talk radio.  
  • You daughter says she got pierced and you look at her ears.  
  • The pattern on your shorts and couch match.  
  • You fondly remember your powder blue leisure suit.  
  • Your wife buys a flannel nighty and you find that sexy.  
  • You turn down free tickets to a rock concert because you have to work the next day.  
  • When jogging is something you do to your memory.  
  • Rocking all night means dozing off in your rocking chair.  
  • Getting a little action means your prune juice is working.  
  • All the cars behind you flash their headlights.  
  • You bought your first car for the same price you paid for your son’s new running shoes.  
  • You actually ASK for your father’s advice.  
  • You don’t know how to operate a fax machine.  
  • When someone mentions SURFING you picture waves and a surf board.

~~~

Anger or hatred is like a fisherman’s hook.

It is very important for us to ensure that we are not caught by it.

Dalai Lama

~~~

Driving to a new restaurant, Margaret took several wrong turns. When she finally found the right road, she asked her husband, “Why didn’t you tell me I was lost?”

“I thought you knew where you were going,” he replied. “You always know where you’re going when I’m driving.”

~~~

Goodness is the only investment that never fails.

Henry David Thoreau

~~~

A SECRETARY’S RULES FOR WORK

1.  Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me.  The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.  

2.  If it’s really a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it’s going. That helps. Or even better, hover behind me, advising me at every keystroke.  

3.  Always leave without telling anyone where you’re going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.  

4.  If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books, or supplies, don’t open the door for me.  I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and opening doors with no arms is good training in case I should ever be injured and lose all use of my limbs.  

5.  If you give me more than one job to do, don’t tell me which is priority. I am psychic.  

6.  Do your best to keep me late. I adore this office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do. I have no life beyond work.  

7.  If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out, it could mean a promotion.  

8.  If you don’t like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversations. I was born to be whipped.  

9.  If you have special instructions for a job, don’t write them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done. No use confusing me with useful information.  

10.  Never introduce me to the people you’re with. I have no right to know anything.  In the corporate food chain, I am plankton.  When you refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.  

~~~

“How noble and good everyone could be if, every evening before falling asleep, they were to recall to their minds the events of the whole day and consider exactly what has been good and bad. Then without realizing it, you try to improve yourself at the start of each new day.”

Anne Frank

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

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