“All things on earth point home in old October; sailors to sea, travellers to walls and fences, hunters to field and hollow and the long voice of the hounds, the lover to the love he has forsaken”
When this weekend ends you will wake up the next day in October. I am not sure if your ready, but I am. If you are like me you find that the world is back in full swing after going a little slower during the summer months. The frequency of meetings increase, the legitimate theatres are back in full swing, people are working and that means more calls, more interruptions, and a greater need to keep up. In order to do what I can to help you I am giving you an advanced look at the important things you will need to consider as you plan the coming weeks.
It is again:
National Pickled Pepper Month – Have you ever seen one? Do you think this may be the one that Peter Piper picked?
Country Music Month – She broke my heart when she spilled my beer and now she is no longer here.
Crime Prevention Month – Do your part obey the law for the next 31 days.
Energy Management Is a Family Affair Time – I wish my wife understood that my naps are my commitment to energy conservation.
Family History Awareness Month – I have found that there are some things we are better off not knowing.
Gourmet Adventures Month – Eat a sandwich in Africa.
Healthy Lung Month – A friend told me that a gal in his office had big and very healthy lungs, I just don’t understand how he could tell.
National Clock Month – What the hell does this mean, kiss a clock??
National Family Sexuality Education Month – This sounds illegal to me, maybe they only observe it in Red Neck country.
And it is National UNICEF Month – Please support the UNICEF fund drives, if you are in the US fill the orange trick-or-treat for UNICEF boxes that kids will use during the Halloween season.
So my friends we have much to do, you do your part and I’ll do mine, just don’t wait for me.
Everyone must take time to sit and watch the leaves turn.
One Sunday morning William burst into the living room and said, "Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away and her name is Susan."
After dinner, William’s dad took him aside. "Son, I have to talk with you. Your mother and I have been married 30 years.. She’s a wonderful wife but she has never offered much excitement in the bedroom, so I used to fool around with women a lot. Susan is actually your half-sister, and I’m afraid you can’t marry her."
William was heart-broken. After eight months he eventually started dating girls again. A year later he came home and very proudly announced, "Dianne said yes! We’re getting married in June."
Again his father insisted on another private conversation and broke the sad news. "Dianne is your half-sister too, William. I’m awfully sorry about this."
William was furious! He finally decided to go to his mother with the news.
"Dad has done so much harm.. I guess I’m never going to get married,” he complained. "Every time I fall in love, Dad tells me the girl is my half-sister."
His mother just shook her head. "Don’t pay any attention to what he says, dear. He’s not really your father."
"I’m all in favor of free expression provided it’s kept rigidly under control.
A City Policeman went up to a vendor selling toys and said, "I’m sorry, you can’t sell that stuff without a license."
The peddler replied, "I knew I wasn’t selling any, but I didn’t know the reason."
The wife chewed out her husband at the company picnic awhile back. "Doesn’t it embarrass you that people have seen you go up to the buffet table five times???"
"Not a bit," the husband replied. "I just tell them I’m filling up the plate for you!"
Confidence on the outside begins by living with integrity on the inside.
She said: My 20th high school class reunion was held at a hotel on the same night that another school’s 10th-year reunion was taking place.
While my girl friends and I were in the rest room talking, some unfamiliar women entered. After their stares became uncomfortable, we turned toward them. One of the women said, "Don’t mind us. We just wanted to see how we’d look in another 10 years."
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder…
She told me that there are 10 Ways to know if you have "Estrogen Issues"
1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
2. You’re adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.
3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
4. Everyone is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
5. You’re using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says: How’s my driving call 1-800-***-.”
6. Everyone’s head looks like an invitation to batting-practice.
7. You’re convinced there’s a God and he’s male.
8. You can’t believe they don’t make a tampon bigger than Super Plus.
9. You’re sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
The blonde walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for some bottom deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman that they don’t sell anything called bottom deodorant, and never have. Unfazed, the blonde assures him that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis, and would like some more. "I’m sorry," says the pharmacist, "we don’t have any."
"But I always get it here," says the blonde.
"Do you have the container it comes in?"
"Yes!" says the blonde, "I will go and get it."
She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist, who looks at it and says to her, "This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant."
The annoyed blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container: "To apply, push up bottom."
"To laugh often and love much… to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others, to give one’s self… this is to have succeeded."
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Stay well, do good work, and have fun.
Indianapolis, Indiana, USA
Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.
The editor is somewhat senile.