Ray's musings and humor

Archive for December, 2016

And we begin again

What the New Year brings to you will depend a great deal on what you bring to the New Year.

Vern McLellan

2017

I had breakfast yesterday with a University Professor friend. She has been an active contributor to the global health scene for the many years I have known her. As we talked about what 2017 had in store for us I learned that she will be leaving in a few weeks to teach a graduate level medical course at a Liberian University. She will be on a four month sabbatical doing this for the Peace Corp. She, like my friend who has recently retired and accepted a Peace Corp position in the Ukraine has chosen to do something special for others. They inspire.

As I look towards the next year I have accepted the fact that I am not as capable as I once was to take on new activities but I can still act in a manner consistent with the values of these two wonderful role models. So my friends I may not be able to do all I would like to do but I promise that I will do the best I can. In that spirit I offer you the following.

Recipe for a Happy New Year

Anonymous

     Take twelve fine, full-grown months; see that these are thoroughly free from old memories of bitterness, rancor and hate, cleanse them completely from every clinging spite; pick off all specks of pettiness and littleness; in short, see that these months are freed from all the past—have them fresh and clean as when they first came from the great storehouse of Time. Cut these months into thirty or thirty-one equal parts. Do not attempt to make up the whole batch at one time (so many persons spoil the entire lot this way) but prepare one day at a time.

    Into each day put equal parts of faith, patience, courage, work (some people omit this ingredient and so spoil the flavor of the rest), hope, fidelity, liberality, kindness, rest (leaving this out is like leaving the oil out of the salad dressing— don’t do it), prayer, meditation, and one well-selected resolution. Put in about one teaspoonful of good spirits, a dash of fun, a pinch of folly, a sprinkling of play, and a heaping cupful of good hum.

~~~

“Your success and happiness lies in you. Resolve to keep happy, and your joy and you shall form an invincible host against difficulties.”

Helen Keller

~~~

A first-grade teacher was overseeing her students as they experimented with their desk computers. One boy sat staring at the screen, unsure how to get the computer going.

The teacher walked over and read what was on his screen. In her most reassuring voice, she said, “The computer wants to know what your name is,” then she walked over to the next child.

The boy leaned toward the screen and whispered, “My name is David.”

~~~

“Grown-ups never understand anything for themselves, and it is tiresome for children to be always and forever explaining things to them.”

The Little Prince

~~~

She told me:

Okay, Okay, it all makes sense now…I never looked at it this way before:

MENtal illness

MENstrual cramps

MENtal breakdown

MENopause

GUYnecologist …… AND ……

When we have REAL trouble, it’s a HISterectomy.

Ever notice how all of women’s problems start with men?

~~~

“Isn’t it interesting that the same people who laugh at science fiction listen to weather forecasts and economists?”

Kelvin Throop III

~~~

A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town, “What a peaceful and loving couple.” A local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage. “Well, it dates back to our honeymoon,” explained the man. “We visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon on a mule pack. We hadn’t gone too far when my wife’s mule stumbled. My wife quietly said, ‘That’s once!’ We proceeded a little further and the mule stumbled again. Once more my wife quietly said, ‘That’s twice.’ We hadn’t gone a half-mile when the mule stumbled the third time. My wife quietly removed a revolver from her purse and shot the mule dead.

I started an angry protest over her treatment of the mule, when she looked at me, and quietly said, ‘That’s once.’ And we lived happily ever after.”

~~~

Approach the New Year with resolve to find the opportunities hidden in each new day.

Michael Josephson

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

Advertisements

He is a bright light

“We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.”

Anais Nin

be-positive

I got an e-mail from an old friend the other day. In it he reminisced about the conversations we have had over the years. He tied many of our talks to the changes he made in his life, both professionally and personally.

What I enjoyed most about what he wrote was how as he saw his world in a new light he developed the confidence to using his new found belief in himself to open doors to success and happiness. In some ways each of us can benefit from spending time with others who help us learn about ourselves as they see us through their eyes.

I think what has made my friend what he has become I think it would be his positive attitude. He always had the seed within him he just did not nurture it and now that he has he is reaping his rewards, As written in the following article he has made positive thinking a way of life.

Positive Thinking Is a Way of Life

By Remez Sasson

 With a positive attitude we experience pleasant and happy feelings. This brings brightness to the eyes, more energy, and happiness. Our whole being broadcasts good will, happiness and success. Even our health is affected in a beneficial way. We walk tall, our voice is more powerful, and our body language shows the way we feel.

Positive and negative thinking are contagious.

We affect, and are affected by the people we meet, in one way or another. This happens instinctively and on a subconscious level, through words, thoughts and feelings, and through body language.

Is it any wonder that we want to be around positive people, and prefer to avoid negative ones?

People are more disposed to help us, if we are positive, and they dislike and avoid anyone broadcasting negativity.

Negative thoughts, words and attitude, create negative and unhappy feelings, moods and behavior. When the mind is negative, poisons are released into the blood, which cause more unhappiness and negativity. This is the way to failure, frustration and disappointment.

~~~

“Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities! Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful or happy.”

Norman Vincent Peale

~~~

For new fathers, or anyone thinking about becoming a father, you must learn these WORDS OF WISDOM:

  • Don´t ask me, ask your mother.
  • Who said life was supposed to be fair.
  • You call that noise “music”?
  • No, we´re not there yet.
  • As long as you live under my roof, you´ll live by my rules.
  • Because I said so. That´s why.
  • So you think you´re smart, do you?
  • If I´ve told you once, I´ve told you a thousand times.
  • You want something to do? I´ll give you something to do.
  • I´m not just talking to hear my own voice!
  • I don´t care what other people are doing! I´m not everybody else´s father!
  • Enough is enough!
  • Don´t make me stop the car!

~~~

I’d like to go to an assertiveness training class.  First I need to check with my wife.

Adam Christing

~~~

Retirement Center Pickup Lines

“What’s a nice girl like you doing in a place like…where exactly are we again?”

“Yes, I’m 92… but I have the body of a 78-year-old.”

“Your beautiful blue eyes are like limpid sapphire pools. Your blue hair, too.”

“Hey babe, looking for a good time? How’s about coming home with me and…Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z.”

~~~

“Sometimes it’s important to work for that pot of gold. But other times it’s essential to take time off and to make sure that your most important decision in the day simply consists of choosing which color to slide down on the rainbow.”

Douglas Pagels

~~~

In the Admitting office of our hospital, some patients were filling out forms, others were being interviewed and still others were being escorted to their rooms.

An elderly woman, obviously not sure of where she should be, hesitatingly entered my cubicle.  She had completed the admitting forms and, upon my request, handed me her insurance cards.  I typed the necessary information and then asked her the reason for her coming to the hospital.

“I’m here to just visit a friend,” she said, “but all this has taken so long, I’m not sure I have the time now!”

~~~

Wisdom is oftimes nearer when we stoop than when we soar.

William Wordsworth

~~~

GRANDKIDS DO MAKE SENSE, AT LEAST TO GOD.

Dear God, Please put another holiday between Christmas and Easter. There is nothing in there now. Amanda

Dear God, Thank you for the baby brother but what I asked for was a puppy. I never asked for anything before. You can look it up. Joyce

Dear Mr. God, I wish you would not make it so easy for people to come apart. I had to have 3 stitches and a shot.  Janet

God, I read the bible. What does beget mean? Nobody will tell me. Love, Alison

Dear God, Is it true my father won’t get in Heaven if he uses his golf words in the house? Anita

Dear God, I bet it’s very hard for you to love all of everybody in the whole world. There are only 4 people in our family and I can never do it. Nancy

~~~

If the left side of your brain controls the right side of your body, then only left handed people are in their right mind.

~~~

Mike: Do you remember first meeting your wife?

John: Sure, I found Jill lying face down in the gutter. I lifted her to her feet and promised her that if she agreed to marry me, she would begin a new life and I’d never allow her near the gutter again.

Mike: Wow, I hope she appreciates what you did for her.

John: Not really. Jill hated to give up bowling.

~~~

Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door.

~~~

My six-year-old grandson called his mother from his friend Charlie’s house and confessed he had broken a lamp when he threw a football in their living room.

“But, Mom,” he said, brightening, “you don’t have to worry about buying another one. Charlie’s mom said it was irreplaceable.”

~~~

“Today is a new beginning, a chance to turn your failures into achievements & your sorrows into so goods. No room for excuses.”

Joel Brown

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

They made my day

Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go.

T. S. Eliot

maureen-and-ray

Maureen and Ray

The other day when I was with my family and friends for a Christmas Eve dinner my friend Maureen took the picture above of the two us. She posted it on Facebook and I have been overwhelmed by the more than 50 friends and acquaintances who responded. It was quite an eclectic group that included folks I had not heard from in yours.

As I again looked over the list I realized that they come from a wide variety of backgrounds and professions. I had worked with many of them on global or local projects in the past but had lost touch with them over the years. The common thread seemed be that these folks were the doers. They did not wait to lend a helping hand or to create something new and special, many are the innovators that have provided a lot of the good things we take for granted.

Thinking of them I realized these folks did not often wait for something to be fashionable to take action. Nor did they spend much time listening to people predicting their actions would fail. As always it is the risk takers who lead the way and I am fortunate to know so many of them.

The following written by Sian Richardson reminds me of so many of you, my friends. Thanks for all you do.

This Is A Lesson I Seem To Need To Learn A Few Times… No Matter What You Do In Your Life, There Will Be People — Even Close Friends Or Family — Who Will Just Not Get It.

It’s a bloody hard thing to deal with — when you’re doing something new or exciting in your life and it kinda feels like you’re doing it all alone, and the people you hoped would be there to cheer you on aren’t anywhere to be seen. Maybe they think you’re reckless and stupid. Maybe they’re jealous. Maybe there’s some other reason you haven’t even thought of…

But the thing is, no amount of you staying small or holding yourself back will benefit anyone.

Sometimes that means distancing yourself from people. Sometimes it means having the hard convos and asking people what the deal is.

It’s Not Your Job To Worry About How People See You

~~~

If you are not willing to risk the unusual, you will have to settle for the ordinary.

Jim Rohn

~~~

Sam Levenson said:

  • Lead us not into temptation. Just tell us where it is; we’ll find it.
  • If you want to know how your girl will treat you after marriage, just listen to her talking to her little brother.
  • Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.
  • It’s so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and say the opposite.
  • One of the virtues of being very young is that you don’t let the facts get in the way of your imagination.
  • Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped.
  • The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.
  • The simplest toy, one which even the youngest child can operate, is called a grandparent.
  • We should not permit prayer to be taken out of the schools; that’s the only way most of us got through.
  • You must learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t possibly live long enough to make them all yourself.

~~~

I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect.

~~~

SHE SAID THERE ARE NINE TYPES OF BOYFRIENDS

  1. Joe Sensitive – “After I wash the dishes, let’s cuddle, okay?” Also Known As: Mr. Nice Guy, Family Man, Honey, Darling, Snugglepup Advantages: Well-behaved; irons own shirts Disadvantages: Irritatingly compassionate, wimpy
  2. Old Man Grumpus – “People are stupid. The world can go to hell. Let’s stay home and watch TV.” Also Known As: Grumbles, Sour-Puss, Stick-in-the-Mud, Old Fogey, Jerk Advantages: Stays put; predictable Disadvantages: Pain in the ass
  3. Flinchy – “I–I’m sorry for whatever it was I did.” Also Known As: Trembly, Creampuff, Hey you Advantages: Jumps entertainingly when startled Disadvantages: Easily spooked; surrenders without a struggle
  4. Bigfoot – “Shut yer trap, I’m thinkin'” Also Known As: Lummox, Ignoramus, Galoot, The Hulk Advantages: Can tote bales; is easily fooled Disadvantages: Can break you in half, sweats like a pig
  5. Lazybones – “Zzzzzz” Also Known As: Lucky Dog, Parasite, Hobo, Bum, Sleepyhead Advantages: Well rested; easy target Disadvantages: Unlikely to fulfill your dreams
  6. The Sneak – “Who, me?” Also Known As: Love Pirate, Snake, Rat, Slime, SOB Advantages: May feel pangs of guilt Disadvantages: May be having time of his life
  7. Ace of Hearts – “After I wash the dishes let’s make love like crazed weasels.” Also Known As: The Sizzler, Handyman, Dreamboat, Casanova Advantages: Perpetually aroused Disadvantages: Perpetually aroused
  8. The Dreamer – “Someday I’m going to be rich and famous. I don’t know how, but–” Also Known As: Struggling Artist, Philosopher, Story Teller, Fool. Advantages: Tells good stories Disadvantages: Will turn into “Old Man Grumpus”
  9. Mr. Right – “While the servants wash the dishes, let’s make love like crazed weasels in my new yacht.” Also Known As: Mr. Perfect, Jim Dandy Advantages: Answer to a woman’s prayer

~~~

I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose fitting clothing, I wouldn’t have signed up in the first place!

Yesterday my son came home and said, “I have good news and bad news. The good news is – I got 18 out of 20 on my driver’s test.”

I said, “Great! Now what’s the bad news?”

He said, “They were pedestrians.”

~~~

“Look at a day when you are supremely satisfied at the end. It’s not a day when you lounge around doing nothing. It’s when you’ve had everything to do, and you’ve done it.”

Margaret Thatcher

~~~

She said, I was very pregnant, and it was rotten luck when, several days before my due date, my husband fell from the porch roof, sprained both ankles and was restricted to crutches.

So when I went into labor and he couldn’t drive, I took the wheel, stopping every time I had a contraction. Finally, we got to the hospital. I dropped him at the maternity entrance, and he hobbled off to the admitting desk, where the nurse told him to go to the emergency room.

No, it’s my wife,” he told her. “She’s in labor.”

“Well, where is she then?” the nurse asked.

“Er…she’s, ah…. parking the car and bringing in the bags,” he replied sheepishly.

~~~

Once we believe in ourselves, we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight, or any experience that reveals the human spirit.

e. e. cummings

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

These are the good days

A Single Generosity Enlarges the World.

Mary Anne Radmacher

new-day

I hope you enjoyed the last few days. For some it was their Christmas celebration for others the beginning of Hanukah, and I hope for all a period free of animosity and filled with good spirit. My wife and I spent Christmas day with our chidren, grandchildren and our great-grandson.  Of course we also had the extended members of our family, spouses and loved ones who are all greatly appreciated.

It is not often that we get to see most everyone at one time so when the clan gathers here in Indianapolis it helps us to realize how much we have been blessed the good people they all have become. Now that the parties are over we have been able to spend some quiet time warmed by the gift of love offered by those dear to us over the last few days.

Now we get ready to begin another year, we are moving slower these days but we still look forward to what lies ahead. My wife and I have been partners for more than six decades and I continue to be grateful for having her to walk with me in both the good and bad times.

Here are some lifestyles quotes I have saved that can help keep the future positive.

Thoughts For The Day

By Galaxian

  • Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.
  • A sharp tongue can cut your own throat.
  • If you want your dreams to come true, you mustn’t oversleep.
  • Of all the things you wear, your expression is the most important.
  • The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts.
  • The heaviest thing you can carry is a grudge.
  • One thing you can give and still keep…is your word.
  • You lie the loudest when you lie to yourself
  • If you lack the courage to start, you have already finished.
  • Ideas won’t work unless ‘You’ do.
  • Your mind is like a parachute…it functions only when open.
  • The 10 commandments are not a multiple choice.
  • The pursuit of happiness is the chase of a lifetime!
  • It is never too late to become what you might have been.
  • Life is too short to wake up with regrets.
  • So love the people who treat you right, and forget about the ones who don’t.
  • Believe everything happens for a reason.
  • If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands. If it changes your life, let it.
  • Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.
  • Friends are like balloons; once you let them go, you might not get them back.
  • Sometimes we are so caught up in who’s right and who’s wrong that we forget what’s right and wrong.

~~~

We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves.

Buddha

~~~

She said, “I think Santa Claus is a woman.”

I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he’s a she. Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing, social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it all off.

For starters, the vast majority of men don’t even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve. Once at the mall, they always seem surprised to find only Ronco products, socket wrench sets, and mood rings left on the shelves. On this count alone, I’m convinced Santa is a woman.

Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would wake up Christmas morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under the tree, still in the bag. Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there.

First of all, there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted, and strapped on to the rear bumper of the sleigh amid wide-eyed, desperate claims that buck season had been extended.

Blitzen’s rack would already be on the way to the taxidermist. Even if the male Santa DID have reindeer, he’d still have transportation problems because he would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions.

Other reasons why Santa can’t possibly be a man: Men can’t pack a bag.

Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.

Men would feel their masculinity is threatened – having to be seen with all those elves.

Men don’t answer their mail.

Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described, even in jest, as anything remotely resembling a “bowl full of jelly.”

Men aren’t interested in stockings unless somebody’s wearing them.

Having to do the Ho Ho Ho thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women.

Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.

I can buy the fact that other mythical holiday characters are men:

Father Time shows up once a year unshaven and looking ominous. Definite guy.

Cupid flies around carrying weapons.

Uncle Sam is a politician who likes to point fingers.

Any one of these individuals could pass the testosterone-screening test. But not St. Nick. Not a chance.

~~~

After all is said and done, usually more is said than done.

~~~

Some signs of our time:

In a New York restaurant: “Customers who consider our waitresses uncivil ought to see the manager.”

In a Los Angeles dance hall: “Good clean dancing every night but Sunday.”

In a Florida maternity ward: “No children allowed.”

In the offices of a loan company: “Ask about our plans for owning your home.”

In a New York medical building: “Mental Health Prevention Center”

On a New York convalescent home: “For the sick and tired of the Episcopal Church.”

On a Maine shop: “Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices, and workmanship.”

~~~

The next time you feel like complaining, remember: Your garbage disposal probably eats better than thirty percent of the people in this world.

~~~

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband one morning.

Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen. “Careful…CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You’re cooking too many at once. Too MANY!

Turn them over. Turn them over NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD!

Where are we going to get more BUTTER!? Great! Now they’re going to STICK! Careful…CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You never listen to me when you’re cooking! NEVER! Turn them over! Hurry UP! Are you crazy? Have you lost your MIND? Don’t forget to salt them. You KNOW you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. The SALT! Use the SALT!”

His wife just stared at him. “What in the hell is the matter with you? You think I don’t know how to fry a couple of eggs?”

The husband calmly replied, “I wanted to show you what it feels like to have you sitting next to me when I’m driving.”

~~~

Keep all special thoughts and memories for lifetimes to come. Share these keepsakes with others to inspire hope and build from the past, which can bridge to the future.

Mattie Stepanek

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

I wish you joy

Joy is the holy fire that keeps our purpose warm and our intelligence aglow.

Helen Keller

!     joy.jpg

Note: I spent yesterday fighting my cold and resting. This morning I am off to have some cardiac tests run and then meeting with one of my cardiologists. I am giving my computer off tomorrow to begin the Christmas weekend. We will return next Monday or Tuesday. Enjoy the holidays.

Ray’s Daily First Published on December 22, 2004

It is the season to celebrate and spread joy. Joy, what a great word, it means: feelings of great happiness or pleasure, especially of an elevated or spiritual kind, a pleasurable aspect of something, or something that is seen as a source of happiness. But it also means to derive joy from something, or to give somebody joy.

Like many grandchildren, my grandchildren are a great joy to me. It seems to me that they spread joy wherever they go. It is sad that so many of us loose the gift as we grow older. I firmly believe we can recapture the spirit, for I find that if we dedicate ourselves to providing joy to others we will reap great joy in return.

~~~

Joy is not in things, it is in us.

Richard Wagner

~~~

Christmas in Florida

Believe it or not, Christmas in Florida is a wonderful time of year. We offer sand instead of snow! We have some cold Christmases, but we also have some Christmases when it’s 85 degrees. One good tip is to turn your air conditioner down to 50 degrees, then throw another log on the fire!

We string lights all over our palm trees, decorate our houses with beautiful lights, and swim in our heated pools by christmas lights instead of candlelight! It’s very romantic ~ try it sometime. As you can see we can make it pretty great here. Take a look at one of our Creations of Christmas Poems…

Twas A Florida Night Before Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the town, No rose were frozen – no snow fluttered down.

No children in flannels were tucked into bed, They all wore shortie pajamas instead.

To find wreaths of holly was not very hard, For holly wreaths grow in most every back yard.

In front of the house were Daddy and Mom Decorating the Crotons and Coconut Palm.

The sleeping kiddies were dreaming with glee, Hoping to find water skis under their tree.

They all knew that Santa was well on his way, In a read and white sports car, instead of a sleigh,

He whizzed up the highway and zoomed up the road, In a snappy convertible delivering his load.

And soon he arrived and started his work, For he hadn’t a moment to linger of shirk.

As he jumped from the car he gave a deep chuckle, He was dressed in Bermudas, with Ivy League buckle,

There weren’t any chimneys, but that caused no gloom, For Santa came in through the Florida room.

He stopped at each house, stayed only a minute, Emptying the bag ‘o toys he had in it, Before he departed, he treated himself, To a big glass of Orange Juice left on the shelf.

He turned with a bounce and leaped in the car, Remembering he still had to go very far.

Then turning the key and lighting the dash, Up Interstate ninety-five he went like a flash,

But we heard him exclaim as he went on his way, “Merry Christmas, Y’All ~ I wish I could stay.”

~~~

“The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance, the wise grows it under his feet.”

James Oppenheim

~~~

A young doctor moved out to a small community to replace the aging doctor there. The older doctor suggested that the younger doctor accompany him as he made his house calls so that the people of the community could become accustomed to him.

At the first house they visited, the younger doctor listened intently as the older doctor and an older lady discussed the weather, their grandchildren and the latest church bulletin. After some time, the older doctor asked his patient how she had been feeling.

“I’ve been a little sick to my stomach,” she replied.

“Well,” said the older physician, “you’ve probably been over doing it a bit with the fresh fruit. Why don’t you cut back on the amount of fresh fruit you eat and see if that helps.”

As they left the house, the younger doctor asked how the older doctor had reached his diagnosis so quickly.

“You didn’t even examine that woman,” the younger doctor stated.

“I didn’t have to,” the elder physician explain. “You noticed that I dropped my stethoscope on the floor in there. Well when I bent over to pick it up, I looked around and noticed a half dozen banana peels in the trash can. That is probably what has been making her ill.”

“That’s pretty sneaky,” commented the younger doctor. “Do you mind if I try it at the next house?”

“I don’t suppose it could hurt anything,” the elder physician replied.

At the next house, the two doctors visited with an elderly widow. They spent several minutes discussing the weather and grandchildren and the latest church bulletin. After several minutes, the younger doctor asked the widow how she had been feeling lately.

“I’ve felt terribly run down lately,” the widow replied. “I just don’t have as much energy as I used to.”

“You’ve probably been doing too much work for the church,” the younger doctor suggested without even examining his patient. “Perhaps you should ease up a bit and see if that helps.”

As they left, the elder physician said, “Your diagnosis is probably right, but do you mind telling me how you came to that conclusion?”

“Sure,” replied the younger doctor. “Just like you, I dropped my stethoscope on the floor. When I bent down to pick it up, I looked around and there was the preacher hiding under the bed!”

~~~

Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at bowling alleys.

~~~

She said:

Men are great! Every woman should own one!!!

Men are just boys in better bodies!

Men are just like computers, and a smart woman keeps a backup.

Men are like bras: they offer light, medium and complete support.

~~~

I earn a seven-figure salary.  Unfortunately, there’s a decimal point involved.

~~~

An Irishman is walking along the beach one day, and he sees a bottle laying in the sand.  He picks it up and starts to brush it off, and out pops a genie.

The genie says, “Since you have freed me from the bottle, I will grant you three wishes.”

The Irishman thinks for a moment and says, “I’m feeling a might thirsty, I think I’ll be wishing for a pint of stout.”

POOF!  There is a pint of stout in his hand.  He drinks it down, and starts to throw the bottle, when the genie says, “I’d look at that bottle again before I threw it if I were you.”

So he looks at the bottle, and it is magically filling back up with stout.

The genie told him, “That is a magic bottle, and it will always fill back up after you finish it.”

The genie then asked, “What other two wishes can I grant for you?”

The Irishman looks at the bottle in his hand and says, “I’ll be taking two more of these.”

~~~

The only people to get even with are those who have helped you.

~~~

An old lady had always wanted to travel abroad. Now that she was getting on in years, she thought she would really like to do so before she died.

Until then, she’d never even been out of the country. So she began by going in person to the Passport Office and asking how long it would take to have one issued.

“You must take the loyalty oath first,” responded the passport clerk. “Raise your right hand, please.”

The old gal raised her right hand.

“Do you swear to defend the Constitution of the United States against all its enemies, domestic or foreign?” was the first question.

The little old lady’s face paled and her voice trembled as she asked in a small voice, “Uhhh . . . all by myself?”

~~~

May your walls know joy;

May every room hold laughter and every window open to great possibility.

Maryanne Radmacher-Hershey

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

Bless the kind

The brightest stars are those who shine for the benefit of others.

kindness

I had another one of those slowdown days yesterday. I ended up putting a number of plans on hold as I treated an early stage cold. I am hoping for a quick recovery as the upcoming holidays include a number of activities.

In the spirit of Christmas and the role we all can play I would like to share with you the following old favorite story.

Am I An Angel? No, No

by: Phyllis Murphy

I was catching a later flight to St. Louis, then on to Minnesota. A couple of seats in front and the aisle over sat a very pretty lady. She smiled back at me, I smiled at her noticing her pretty floral dress.

 The rest of the flight was uneventful, but as I was getting off the plane I noticed her again standing by the prompters seeing what flight she was to take and what gate. I stood beside her looking for my gate, and flight number. I commented to her that I had noticed her on the flight to St. Louis and she had on a pretty dress. She said “Thank you”, I asked what flight she was taking? She said to “Phoenix”. I looked and she had a two-hour layover, I also had a two and a half hours layover and asked her if she would like to go to the cafeteria for something to eat or drink. She said “Sure”. We introduced ourselves on the way down the ramp, and she told me that her name was “Phyllis”. I laughed and said “my name is Phyllis also”.

As we sat in the booth she began telling me that she had been told she was dying of cancer and had less than 6 months to live. She was on her way to visit her children and grandchildren before she began taking treatment. She then told me that she had never flown before and she had prayed a specific prayer. She was afraid she would get lost at the airport and not be able to find her way to the gate, and didn’t know what she was going to do for the two hours she was there. She prayed that someone would meet her at the gate and stay with her until she left the airport. She then asked me “Are you an Angel God has sent”? No, I assured her I was no angel, but did God use me to answer her prayer? Yes.

~~~

People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

Maya Angelou

~~~

The boyfriend said, “We’re going to have a GREAT time Saturday.  I’ve gotten three tickets for the big game.”

“Why do we need three?” asked the girl.

“They’re for your Father, Mother, and kid sister.” he replied.

~~~

I got my IQ test results back, they were negative.

~~~

The officer pulled me over for speeding.  I explained that I was rushing home to be with my wife on our first anniversary.

But rather than letting me off, he wrote out the ticket, handed it to me, and said, “Congratulations.  The first year is paper, right?”

~~~

When you learn not to want things so badly, life comes to you.

Jessica Lange

~~~

*A Man’s Guide to What A Woman Is Really Saying*

I JUST NEED SOME SPACE…..  without you in it.

DO I LOOK FAT IN THIS DRESS?… we haven’t had a fight in a while.

NO, PIZZA’S FINE…..  you cheap slob!

I JUST DON’T WANT A BOYFRIEND NOW…. I just don’t want you as a boyfriend now.

I DON’T KNOW, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?… I can’t believe you have nothing planned.

I LIKE YOU, BUT…… I don’t like you.

YOU NEVER LISTEN…. you never listen.

I’LL BE READY IN A MINUTE…. I’m ready, but I’m going to make you wait because I know you will.

OH, NO, I’LL PAY FOR MYSELF…. I’m just being nice; there’s no way I’m going dutch!!

~~~

Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.

~~~

A little son of a Baptist minister was in church one morning when he saw for the first time the rite of baptism by immersion. He was greatly interested in it, and the next morning proceeded to baptize his three cats in the bathtub.

The first kitten bore it very well, and so did the young cat, but the old family cat rebelled. It struggled with him, clawed and tore him, and got away.

With considerable effort he caught it again and proceeded with the ceremony. But she acted worse than ever, clawed at him, spit, and scratched his hands and face.

Finally, after barely getting her splattered with water, he dropped her on the floor in disgust and said: “Fine, be an Atheist.”

~~~

Father grumbling to his two boys as he reluctantly gets ready for an evening out:  “Other kids make their mothers too tired to want to go out — but not you two.”

~~~

Those of us who worked at the front desk of a convention hotel in Houston, Texas prided ourselves on making the guests feel special. When someone arrived at reception, credit card in hand, we would sneak a quick peek at it and address him by name.

Once, during a check-in, one of our guests presented a corporate credit card. “Welcome to Houston, Mr. Bell,” the desk clerk said.

“Oh, please,” the man replied, “call me Taco.”

~~~

On my first day of school my parents dropped me off at the wrong nursery. There I was…surrounded by trees and bushes.

~~~

For those who never saw the Burma Shave signs, here is a quick lesson in our history of the 1930’s and ’40’s. Before the Interstates, when everyone drove the old 2 lane roads, Burma Shave signs would be posted all over the countryside in farmers’ fields. They were small red signs with white letters. Five signs, about 100 feet apart, each containing 1 line of a 4 line couplet……and the obligatory 5th sign advertising Burma Shave, a popular shaving cream.

DON’T LOSE YOUR HEAD

TO GAIN A MINUTE

YOU NEED YOUR HEAD

YOUR BRAINS ARE IN IT

Burma Shave

BROTHER SPEEDER

LET’S REHEARSE

ALL TOGETHER

GOOD MORNING NURSE

Burma Shave

SPEED WAS HIGH

WEATHER WAS NOT

TIRES WERE THIN

X MARKS THE SPOT

Burma Shave

~~~

Nobody cares how much you know, until they know how much you care.

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

So long Mayor Bill and thanks for everything

“It is part of a good man to do great and noble deeds, though he risk everything.”

Plutarch

bill_hudnut_65177

I was saddened Sunday when I heard that former Indianapolis Mayor Bill Hudnut had passed away. While Mayor Dick Lugar took our city to the starting gate of its rebirth it was Bill Hudnut who ran the race and took us to where we became the great city Indianapolis is today. He was mayor for an unprecedented 16 years and demonstrated a special brand of leadership.

I had the good fortune to be involved in his efforts from early in his administration until he left office. I will always be grateful for how he facilitated my involvement in our city and its renaissance. What made him special was his love of people and his unbridled optimism. He spent little time finding out why we could not do something and spent most of his time just getting it done.  He surrounded himself with good people and he listened to them as he took us forward.

Yep, Mayor Bill was responsible in no small part in how we the people of Indianapolis learned that we could make our city someplace special and he did not do it by jumping in front of the parade but by acting as our guide. I could go on and on for he became a friend and a major influence on my life.

He led a full life as a Presbyterian minister, congressman, mayor, educator and as a caring human being. He is now at peace but he will always live on in the city he helped build and in the hearts of the thousands of people he touched.

So, so long Bill and thanks for everything.

~~~

Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one.

Marcus Aurelius

~~~

Mayor Hudnut had a great sense of humor so I will add some again today

Two Alabama State Troopers were chasing a Camaro east on I-20 toward Georgia. When the suspect crossed the Georgia line, the first Trooper pulled over quickly.

The rookie Trooper pulled in behind him and said, “Hey sarge, why did you stop?”

The sarge replied, “Stupid rookie, he’s in Georgia now. They’re an hour ahead of us, so we’ll never catch him.”

~~~

Mediocrity thrives on standardization.

~~~

A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, “What are the grounds for your divorce?”

She replied, “About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by.”

“No,” he said, “I mean what is the foundation of this case?”

“It is made of concrete, brick and mortar,” she responded.

“I mean,” he continued, “What are your relations like?”

“I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband’s parents.”

He said, “Do you have a real grudge?”

“No,” she replied, “We have a large carport and have never really needed one.”

“Please,” he tried again, “is there any infidelity in your marriage?”

“Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don’t necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is ‘yes’.”

“Ma’am, does your husband ever beat you up?”

“Yes,” she responded, “about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do.”

Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, “Lady, why do you want a divorce?”

“Oh, I don’t want a divorce,” she replied. “I’ve never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can’t communicate with me.”

~~~

Cured ham?  No thanks, pal. Cured of what? What if it has a relapse on my plate?

Tommy Sledge

~~~

A nervous taxpayer was unhappily conversing with the IRS Tax auditor who had come to review his records. At one point the auditor exclaimed,

“Mr. Carr, we feel it is a great privilege to be allowed to live and work in the USA.  As a citizen you have an obligation to pay taxes, and we expect you to eagerly pay them with a smile.”

“Thank goodness,” returned Mr. Carr, with a giant grin on his face from ear to ear”   “I thought you were going to want me to pay with cash.”

~~~

The first line of the notice said, “Please Take Notice.” … So the guy standing next to me took it.

~~~

English has acquired the largest vocabulary of all the world’s languages, perhaps as many as two million words, and has generated one of the noblest bodies of literature in the annals of the human race. Nonetheless, it is now time to face the fact that English is a crazy language — the most loopy and wiggy of all tongues.

In what other language do people drive in a parkway and park in a driveway?

In what other language do people play at a recital and recite at a play?

Why does night fall but never break and day break but never fall?

Why is it that when we transport something by car, it’s called a shipment, but when we transport something by ship, it’s called cargo?

Why does a man get a hernia and a woman a hysterectomy?

Why do we pack suits in a garment bag and garments in a suitcase?

Why do privates eat in the general mess and generals eat in the private mess?

Why do we call it newsprint when it contains no printing but when we put print on it, we call it a newspaper?

Why are people who ride motorcycles called bikers and people who ride bikes called cyclists?

Why — in our crazy language — can your nose run and your feet smell?

~~~

My wife says I never listen to her. At least I think that’s what she said.

~~~

A wild-eyed man dressed in a Napoleonic costume and hiding his right hand inside his coat entered the psychiatrist’s office and nervously exclaimed, “Doctor, I need your help right away.”

“I can see that,” retorted the doctor. “Lie down on that couch and tell me your problem.”

“I don’t have any problem,” the man snapped. “In fact, as Emperor of France I have everything I could possibly want: money, women, power — everything! But I’m afraid my wife, Josephine, is in deep mental trouble.”

“I see,” said the psychiatrist, humoring his distraught patient. “And what seems to be her main problem?”

“For some strange reason,” answered the unhappy man, “she thinks she’s Mrs. Smith.”

~~~

The most precious thing we have is life.  Yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.

~~~

Father: “Son, I’m very worried about you being at the bottom of your class.”

Son: “Don’t fret Dad.  They teach the same stuff to both ends.”

~~~

If women can have PMS, then men can have ESPN.

~~~

Passing an office building late one night, a blonde saw a sign that said, “Press bell for night watchman.”

She did so, and after several minutes she heard the watchman clomping down the stairs.

The uniformed man proceeded to unlock first one gate, then another, shut down the alarm system, and finally made his way through the revolving door.

“Well,” he snarled at the blonde, “what do you want?”

“I just wanted to know why you can’t ring it for yourself.”

~~~

“The first step to be a good man is this: You must deeply feel the burden of the stones someone else carrying.”

Mehmet Murat ildan

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

Tag Cloud