Ray's musings and humor

Ray escaped again!

Success is peace of mind in knowing you did your best.

John Wooden

 

I am off early this morning on a special assignment and will not be back until Thursday and then Friday I have to be at the hospital at 6 AM for another Colonoscopy. The last one resulted in my in spending a week in intensive and transitional care after a horrendous bout of internal bleeding. I have lost 21 pounds in the last couple of months so I do not need to lose more via blood loss. Although I do hope that my pre-op fasting and purge routine will offset any weight gain that occurs while I am on assignment.

And so my good friends I am once again breaking out and will leave with a few thoughts from an earlier time. I’ll be back with you next Monday. Please have fun while I am gone and avoid getting arrested.

Ray

~~~

Ray’s Daily first published on March 20, 2002

One thing that has happened since I have again retired has been the difficulty I have explaining my behavior to my wife. Almost every day she asks where I am going, and I tell her I am working on something for someone and have a job to do. She keeps saying if I have all these jobs, where is my paycheck. I think they call that special spousal counsel.

One of the benefits of retirement is that you can do the right thing without worrying if it is going to fly with the vested interests, maintainers of the status quo, or the risk avoiders. But you know in all cases we would be better off not waiting for retirement. Here is something that says what I mean.

 

IF YOU HAVE A DREAM

Don’t wait for some distant day to come; it may be too late before you’ve even begun. Not everyone will agree with all you decide. Be true to yourself first and foremost. The only important thing in life is what you do with the time you spend here on earth.

Don’t cloud today with things that can’t be undone. You have no more control over yesterday or tomorrow, than you do the raging of your passions.

Do not quiet these dreams nor quench your desires, for if you do your journey is ended. You have only today to begin anew and follow your dreams. For in the end all we have are our memories.

When the twilight comes to us, let there be, no excuses, no explanations, no regrets!

~~~

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, – I’m home now, but leave a message and I’ll call when I’m out.

Steven Wright

~~~

“Air Force Maintenance Issues”

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews.

“Squawks” are problem listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews to fix before next flight.

(P)=PROBLEM (S)=SOLUTION

(P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement

(S) Almost replaced left inside main tire

(P) Test flight OK, except autoland very rough

(S) Autoland not installed on this aircraft

(P) #2 Propeller seeping prop fluid.

(S) #2 Propeller seepage normal – #1 #3 and #4 propellers lack normal seepage

(P) Something loose in cockpit

(S) Something tightened in cockpit

(P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear

(S) Evidence removed

(P) DME volume unbelievably loud

(S) Volume set to more believable level

(P) Dead bugs on windshield

(S) Live bugs on order

(P) Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent

(S) Cannot reproduce problem on ground

(P) IFF inoperative

(S) IFF always inoperative in OFF mode

(P) Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick

(S) That’s what they’re there for

(P) Number three engine missing

(S) Engine found on right wing after brief search

(P) Aircraft handles funny

(S) Aircraft warned to straighten up, “fly right.” and be serious.

(P) Target Radar hums

(S) Reprogrammed Target Radar with the words

~~~

You’re never too old to become younger.

MAE WEST

~~~

A woman rushed into the supermarket to pick up a few items.  She headed for the express line where the clerk was talking on the phone with his back turned to her. “Excuse me,” she said, “I’m in a hurry.  Could you check me out, please?”

The clerk turned, stared at her for a second, looked her up and down, smiled and said, “Ummmm, Not bad.”

~~~

Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred.

~~~

A couple is celebrating their fiftieth wedding anniversary and goes down to their old school. There, in a corner, they hold hands as they find their old desk where he had carved, “I love you, Sally.” On the way home, a bag of money falls out of an armored car in front of them. She picks it up and counts $50,000.

The husband says, “We’ve got to give it back.”

She says, “Finders keepers.” And when they get home she hides it in the attic.

The next day, two FBI men show up at their home. They ask, “Pardon me, did anyone in this house find any money that fell out of an armored car yesterday?”

She says, “No.”

The husband says, “My wife is lying. She took the money and hid it in the attic.”

She says, “Don’t believe him, he’s a bit senile.”

So they sit the man down and begin to question him. One FBI guy says, “Tell us the story from the beginning.”

The old man says, “Well, my wife and I were on our way home from school…”

The FBI guy looks at his partner and says,  “Let’s get out of here.”

~~~

“Time is at once the most valuable, and the most perishable of all our possessions.”

John Randolph

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Tag Cloud

%d bloggers like this: