Ray's musings and humor

“To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others.”

Anthony Robbins

Busy day today, I am off to cardiac rehab at 6 AM then a blood draw to see if I have to continue my two a day self-injected stroke protection medication. I have had to give myself nine shots so far at about $100 apiece it gets expensive so I hope my test results will let me stop, if not it will probably mean another four before I test again. Then it is off to the dentist since he reported that my last x-ray showed the need for some immediate attention. If that was not enough I also have a lecture that I need to attend. The day hasn’t even started and I am already worn out. So you got it, another reprint.

 

Ray’s Daily first published on March 28, 2005

 

I sometimes forget that our generational separation often results in a mysterious communications gap. It can go something like this:

I said, “I was really put through the wringer today.” She said, “What’s a wringer?” I said, “It is the thing that you put on the side of the wash tub that you use to get the water out of clothes before you hang them on the line to dry. She said “How big is it?” I said “It is about the size of a breadbox.” She said, “What is a breadbox.” I said, “Never mind. Anyway I just had a bad day and let’s leave it at that.” She said “That’s too bad what happened?” I said “I ran into this guy, he looked like Jimmy Cagney and he was so mad at me I thought he might come after me riding on the running board of a black roadster shooting a Tommy Gun.” She said “Who the hell is Jimmy Cagney, what is a running board, and what is it doing behind something called a black roadster?” At this point I excused myself and went to the senior center where we all talk the same language.

Substitute culture differences for the generational differences and you can see why we are so often misunderstood by others, and even worse, why we so often misunderstand others.

~~~

A world community can exist only with world communication, which means something more than extensive short-wave facilities scattered about the globe. It means common understanding, a common tradition, common ideas, and common ideals.

Robert M. Hutchins

~~~

A young executive is working late one evening. As he comes out of his office about 8 PM he sees the Big Boss standing by the shredder in the hallway, a piece of paper in his hand.

“Do you know how to work this thing?” the older man asks. “My secretary’s gone home and I don’t know how to run it.”

“Yes, sir,” says the young executive, who turns on the machine, takes the paper from the other man, and feeds it in.

“Now,” says his boss, “I just need the one copy…”

~~~

All men have the same amount of hormones. If you want to use yours growing hair, that’s your business.  Baldy

~~~

She said: I’m A Senior Citizen

I’m the life of the party…even when it lasts till 8 p.m.

I’m very good at opening child-proof caps with a hammer.

I’m usually interested in going home before I get to where I’m going.

I’m awake many hours before my body allows me to get up.

I’m smiling all the time because I can’t hear a word you are saying.

I’m aware that other people’s grandchildren are not as bright as mine.

I’m so cared for: Long term care, Eye care, Private care, Dental care . . .

I’m not grouchy, I just don’t like traffic, waiting, crowds, children, politicians.

I’m sure everything I can’t find is in a secure place.

I’m realizing that aging is not for sissies.

I’m anti-everything now: Anti-fat, Anti-smoke, Anti-noise, Anti-inflammatory . .

I’m going to reveal what goes on behind closed doors . . .Absolutely nothing!

I’m sure they are making adults much younger these days.

I’m in the initial stage of my golden years: SS, CD’s, IRA’s, AARP. . .

I’m supporting all movements now . . .by eating bran, prunes and raisins.

I’m a walking storeroom of facts . . . I’ve just lost the storeroom.

~~~

Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself.

Roseanne

~~~

Doug:  I know you’re crazy about that little daughter of yours.  What are you going to do when she starts to date?

Bill:  I figure I’ll take the first young man aside, put my arm around his shoulder, and pull him close to me so that only he can hear.  Then I’ll say, “Do you see that sweet, little young lady?  She’s my only daughter, and I love her very much.  If you were thinking about touching, kissing, or being physically affectionate to her in any way, just remember this:  I don’t mind going BACK to prison.”

~~~

I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not.

Fran Lebowitz

~~~

A person enters a service station and asks for the quickest way to get to Oak St.

The attendant says, “Are you walking or driving?”

The person says, “Driving.”

The attendant responds, “That’s the quickest way”.

~~~

Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, “You’re only interested in one thing,” and you can’t remember what it is.

Milton Berle

~~~

A woman goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Chanukah cards.

She says to the clerk, “May I have 50 Chanukah stamps?”

The clerk says, “What denomination?”

The woman says, “Oh my God. Has it come to this? Give me 6 Orthodox, 12 Conservative, and 32 Reform.”

~~~

You see things; and you say, ‘Why?’

But I dream things that never were; and I say, “Why not?”

George Bernard Shaw

~~~

 

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

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