Ray's musings and humor

Archive for July, 2018

I will miss you all

Ray’s Daily

July 31, 2018

www.rays-daily.com

There is nothing on this earth more to be prized than true friendship.

Thomas Aquinas

schultz2

I am finding that the toughest part of my being homebound fulfilling my caregiver responsibilities is my inability to spend time with friends. I also miss my other activities but what I am doing is worth it, my wife and I have never been closer.

My reality has resulted in my realizing how much I appreciate the people who have given me so much pleasure over the years via their friendship. I miss what I had but am grateful to have had it. I think I may have shared the following piece with you before but it is so on target I want to do it again.

Charles Schulz Philosophy

The following is the philosophy of Charles Schulz, the creator of the “Peanuts” comic strip. You don’t have to actually answer the questions. Just read the e-mail straight through, and you’ll get the point.

  1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.
  2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.
  3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America.
  4. Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.
  5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winner for best actor and actress.
  6. Name the last decade’s worth of World Series winners.

How did you do?

The point is, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday. These are no second-rate achievers. They are the best in their fields. But the applause dies. Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten. Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners.

     Here’s another quiz. See how you do on this one:

  1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.
  2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.
  3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.
  4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special.
  5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with.

Easier?

The lesson: The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards. They are the ones that care.

~~~

“Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It’s already tomorrow in   Australia.”

Charles Schulz

~~~

A teen-aged boy with spiked hair, nose ring and baggy clothes was overheard telling a friend, “I don’t really like to dress like this, but it keeps my parents from dragging me everywhere with them.”

~~~

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.

Steven Wright

~~~

My Parents had not been out together in quite some time. One Saturday, as Mom was finishing the dinner dishes, my father stepped up behind her. “Would you like to go out, girl?” he asked.

Not even turning around, my mother quickly replied, “Oh, yes, I’d love to!”

They had a wonderful evening, and it wasn’t until the end of the evening that Dad finally confessed that his question had actually been directed to the family dog, laying near Mom’s feet on the kitchen floor.

~~~

I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don’t even invite me.

Dave Barry

~~~

A man in a hurry taking his 8-year-old son to school, made a turn at a red light where it was prohibited.

“Uh-oh, I think I just made an illegal turn!” the man said.

“It’s okay, Dad” the boy said. “The police car right behind us did the same thing.”

~~~

Don’t judge your wife too harshly for her weaknesses. If she didn’t have them chances are she would have never married you.

~~~

A mother was worried that her three-year-old son was unusually precocious and took him to a psychiatrist.

“Right,” said the shrink, “We’ll just try a few simple tests.” To the boy, he said “Say a few words – anything that comes into your mind.”

The boy turned to his mother and asked, “Does he want logically constructed sentences or just a few random and purely isolated words?”

~~~

You have to dance like nobody’s watching, and love like it’s never going to hurt.

~~~

Apple Computer announced today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play music in women’s breast implants. The I-Breast will cost $499 to $599 depending on size. This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

~~~

Who says nothing is impossible. I’ve been doing nothing for years.

~~~

Finkelman just arrives in America and needs a job and has no qualms about inventing the necessary qualifications. He reasons that once he finds work, he will impress the boss so much that everything will be forgiven. After a successful initial interview with the Encyclopedia of American History, he is called back to meet the sales manager.

“You say you have experience selling books?”

“Lots of it,” replies Finkelman.

“And you have a Master’s in American history from the University of Michigan?”

“Correct,” replies Finkelman. “History is my field of study.”

“Well then,” says the sales manager, “As soon as I can complete this form, we can get you started in our firm.”

While the sales manager is making a few notations, Finkelman, obviously pleased with himself, begins to whistle. Looking around the room, he notices pictures of Washington and Lincoln on the walls. Pointing to the portraits, he turns to the sales manager and says, “Fine looking men. Your partners?”

~~~

Good friends help you to find important things when you have lost them… your smile, your hope, and your courage.

Doe Zantamata

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

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Let’s stay in the present

Ray’s Daily

July 30, 2018

www.rays-daily.com

“Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.”

Buddha

Bright Future

As my wife and I continue the process of selecting a retirement facility with the assistance of our children I find that thinking too much about the past or speculating too much about the future is a waste of time. Not only that, losing touch with today’s reality does little good.

When we honestly evaluate our past we see that we have done pretty well doing what needed to be done, so why should now be any different. We are still together and have each other as we move on to the next phase of our lives. I look forward to discovering all that the future holds.

I think Edberg’s tips in the following article will help keep us focused

3 Simple Habits for Daily Mindfulness

by Henrik Edberg

One of the most common habits that make life miserable is to not be where you are.

What do I mean by that?

That your body is right here, right now. But that your thoughts are elsewhere in time and space.

And the more time you spend in the future or past, the more you – in my experience – tend to also:

Be ineffective. Making decisions becomes very hard if you second-guess yourself all the time or become paralyzed by all the possible outcomes. And overthinking zaps so much energy that you lose motivation to take action.

Miss life as it happens. If you are not fully here in this moment then it is very easy to miss and to not fully enjoy a victory or simply a beautiful, fun or small moment in life.

Maybe you cannot spend all of your time in the now. Because there are things you can learn from reexamining your past. And there are things you sometimes need to plan for in your future.

But the kind of obsessive or addictive way to spend so much time in a regular week in the past or future can be replaced with something smarter, more helpful and happiness-friendly.

Three habits that have helped me a lot to make that shift into being much more mindful are to:

  1. Slow down. – Start your day with doing whatever you do first in your morning slowly.

This will make it easier and more natural to keep a slower pace and to focus fully on what you are doing for the rest of your morning. And starting your day in this way will often prevent you from going into your own most common thought loops that cause worry, anger or sadness.

  1. Tell yourself: Now I am… – I often tell myself this silently in my mind: Now I am X. And X could be that I am brushing my teeth. Doing the dishes. Taking a walk and listening to the sounds around me. Just reminding myself of this helps my mind to stop wandering and it brings my focus back to just that one thing I am doing right now and nothing else.
  2. Disrupt your thoughts + quickly reconnect with the here and now. – When you catch yourself going somewhere else in the past or future with your thoughts then – in your mind – shout: STOP! Or: No, no, no, we are not going down that road again!

Then, right away after you have disrupted those thoughts find your way back to the present moment by either focusing only on what is going on around you right now with all your senses – the sights, the sounds, the smells and so on – or by focusing 100% on your breaths going in and out of your body.

~~~

“The best way to capture moments is to pay attention. This is how we cultivate mindfulness. Mindfulness means being awake. It means knowing what you are doing.”

Jon Kabat-Zinn

~~~

When I stopped to visit a friend, I found her on the phone with a real estate agent. “That’s a little high!” she exclaimed. “What can I get for less than $500 a month?” The reply was evidently not to my friend’s liking. “I see,” she said abruptly, and hung up.

“What did the agent say you could get?” I asked.

“A car.”

~~~

Never date a woman whose father calls her “Princess”. Chances are she believes it.

~~~

The psychiatrists were attending their first seminar on emotional extremes.

“Just to establish some parameters,” said the leader, “Mr. Nichols, what is the opposite of joy?”

“Sadness,” said the student.

“And the opposite of depression, Ms. Biggs?”

“Elation.”

“And you sir, how about the opposite of woe?”

Bubba replied, “I believe that would be giddyup.”

~~~

She said: A man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do. And a woman’s gotta do what he can’t.

~~~

Although fun to visit, zoos do pose certain perils.  But to whom?  A sign posted in the Knoxville Zoo in Tennessee cautioned visitors:

“Please be safe.  Do not sit, climb, or lean on the zoo fences.  If you fall, animals could eat you, and that would make them sick.”

~~~

If God had intended women to exercise, he’d have put diamonds on the floor.

Joan Rivers

~~~

In the admitting office of our hospital, some patients were filling out forms, others were being interviewed and still others were being escorted to their rooms.

An elderly woman hesitantly entered my cubicle.  She had completed her admitting forms and, upon my request, handed me her insurance cards. I typed the necessary information and then asked her the reason for her coming to the hospital.

“Just to visit a friend,” she said, “but this had taken so long, I’m not sure I have time now.”

~~~

Hospital is a place where they wake you up to give you a sleeping pill.

~~~

A man returns from vacation and is feeling very ill. He goes to see his doctor and is immediately rushed to the Hospital to undergo a barrage of tests.

After the tests, he wakes up in a private room at the hospital and the phone by his bed rings.

“This is your doctor. We got the results back from your tests and we discovered that you have a very nasty virus that is extremely contagious!”

“Oh my gosh,” cried the man, “What are you going to do, doctor?”

“Well, we’re going to put you on a diet of pizza, pancakes, and pita bread.”

“Will that cure me?” asked the man.

The doctor replied, “Well no, but…it’s the only food we can get under the door.”

~~~

You are a success when you have made friends with your past, are focused on the present, and are optimistic about your future

Zig Ziglar

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

Look on the bright side

Ray’s Daily

July 27, 2018

www.rays-daily.com

When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced.

Live your life so that when you die, the world cries and you rejoice.

Cherokee Expression

Bright Side

I did not get much done yesterday since I had an oral surgeon remove a molar and spent the rest of the day relaxing. Now I am trying to catch up so I need to again send you a Daily from the past.

 Ray’s Daily first published on July 27, 2006

A new friend and I discussed the differences in the people we have met over the years while we were having coffee this morning. Like I am sure you have over the years we also have run into our share of happy people, sad people, angry people, hateful people you get the idea we all meet lots of different types of people. As we talked we realized that some of us seem to have the ability to get along with almost everyone while others seem to always run into people that are unreasonable and disgruntled. Later I started to think about what we talked about and the more I pondered the more I realized that some of us care for most of the people we meet, have the patience to hear them out and the wisdom to try to understand what causes them grief. I think just taking the time and showing interest lets people know you care and when they realize you do the atmosphere changes.

Have you also noticed that some people seem to have all the luck while others spend their days under a dark cloud? In my experience those people who expect things to turn out OK usually benefit and those who expect things to go bad find that things usually do. I don’t think these people are clairvoyant, l think it is that most of the time we get what we expect. If we look always for the bad I can guarantee we’ll find it and if we are open to the good it will show up at our door. My old friend Toby would say it is mostly all a case of attitude, I am sure that is part of it, but I also think it has a lot to do with our outlook and our ability to enjoy what we are given.

Here is a Yiddish folk tale that carries a message that I think we all need to understand.

An old man sat outside the walls of a great city. When travelers approached, they would ask the old man, “What kind of people live in this city?” The old man would answer, “What kind of people live in the place where you came from?” If the travelers answered, “Only bad people live in the place where we came from,” the old man would reply, “Continue on; you will find only bad people here.”

But if the travelers answered, “Good people live in the place where we came from,” then the old man would say, “Enter, for here too, you will find only good people.”

The hidden beauty of this story is the fact that those who move on believing they live among only bad people will never find their place in life and those who appreciate the good in the people around them will be at home wherever they might be.

Me? I know you and it just does not get much better than that!

~~~

“Be glad of life, because it gives you the chance to love and to work and to play and to look up at the stars.”

Henry Van Dyke

~~~

Economics 102: The Energy Debate

A Texas oil tycoon and an Alaskan oil tycoon were debating which state had the most oil…

The Alaskan tycoon said, “Listen, there is so much oil in Alaska that I could buy enough gold to build a wall of solid gold 100 feet tall and 100 feet wide all the way around the state of Texas”.

The Texas tycoon scratched his chin, adjusted his cowboy hat, and said, “Well boy, I’ll tell ya what….you just go ahead and build that wall, and if I like it…….I’ll buy it”.

~~~

What’s the greatest worldwide use of cowhide?

To hold cows together.

~~~

I overheard a friend telling his pal, “I can’t break my wife of the habit of staying up until 5 in the morning.”

“What is she doing?” the pal asked.

“Waiting for me to get home.”

~~~

The lazier the man is, the more he plans to do tomorrow.

Norwegian proverb

~~~

I was working in a scrap yard during summer vacation at an engineering university. I worked repairing construction equipment. One afternoon, I was taking apart a piling hammer that had some very large bolts holding it together. One of the nuts had corroded on to the bolt, so to free it I started heating the nut with an oxyacetylene torch. As I was doing this, one of the dimmest apprentices I have ever known came along. He asked me what I was doing. I patiently explained that if I heated the nut, it would grow larger and release its grip on the bolt, so I could then remove it.

“So, things get larger when they get hot, do they?” he asked.

“Yes,” I said. “That’s why days are longer in summer and shorter in winter.”

There was a long pause, then his face cleared. “You know, I always wondered about that,” he said.

~~~

“I belong to Bridegrooms Anonymous. Whenever I feel like getting married, they send over a lady in a housecoat and hair curlers to burn my toast for me.”

Dick Martin

~~~

The receptionist for the company where I’m employed found some cash in the office, apparently mislaid by a co-worker.

She sent out an e-mail that said, “If anybody can say where he/she lost $66, please let me know and it will be returned.”

Within minutes, one employee replied, “Betting on Super Bowl 2007.”

~~~

NEW WORDS FOR 2008

Essential vocabulary additions for the workplace:

  1. BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
  2. SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.
  3. ASSMOSIS: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard
  4. SALMON DAY: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.
  5. CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles.
  6. PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people’s heads pop up over the walls to see what’s going on.
  7. MOUSE POTATO: The on-line generation’s answer to the couch potato.
  8. SITCOMS: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What Yuppies get into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.
  9. STRESS PUPPY: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.
  10. SWIPEOUT: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.
  11. XEROX SUBSIDY: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one’s workplace.
  12. IRRITAINMENT: Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but you find your self unable to stop watching them.
  13. PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
  14. ADMINISPHERE: The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.
  15. 404: Someone who’s clueless. From the World Wide Web error Message “404 Not Found,” meaning that the requested site could not be located.
  16. GENERICA: Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, and subdivisions.
  17. OHNOSECOND: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you’ve just made a BIG mistake.
  18. WOOFS: Well-Off Older Folks.

~~~

No pessimist ever discovered the secret of the stars or sailed to an uncharted land or opened a new heaven to the human spirit.

Helen Keller

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

It will be good

Ray’s Daily

July 26, 2018

www.rays-daily.com

Wherever you go, no matter what the weather, always bring your own sunshine. Anthony J. D’Angelo

Stay Positive

As my wife and I begin the process of making one of the biggest changes in our 65 years of marriage I find it is not easy to contemplate abandoning the home that has given us so much joy.

Moving to a much smaller living arrangement with many of our needs being taken care of by others is going to be quite an adjustment.

It helps for me to realize that what we have had cannot continue and as I look at what life would be if we stayed where we are our move has be thought of a s a positive step. I look forward to sharing the years ahead with my wife in an environment that makes her life as pleasant as possible.

I look forward to our making new friends as we enjoy our time together. I know one thing there is no value in remorse.

What Am I

I am seldom considered, though I do more to influence everything about you than virtually any one thing in your life.  I often control the time you get up in the morning, the time you go to sleep, what you eat and drink and the very thought that runs through your head.  I can make you either happy or sad, loving or hateful, cheerful or remorseful, congenial or spiteful and in doing so, control the very capacity that you have for success. 

No, you don’t often think of me instead you BLAME the problem I create on the shortcoming of others, or the state of the economy, or your family or a million other reasons.  Often at times unable to find anyone else to BLAME you look for shortcomings within yourself on which to lay the BLAME. 

When my impact on your life fully is considered in your every thought and action, when you are mindful of my awesome power, when you nurture and groom me for positive use in your life, I can become more contagious than the most prolific disease ever witnessed by man.  My influence will spread to every person you come in contact with.

Groomed and nurtured in a positive manner there will be no person or obstacle that can stand in the way of my success or fail to be impacted for the better. 

‘I Am Your Attitude’

~~~

Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats.

Voltaire

~~~

Jimmie, an 80-year-old gentleman, retired to Florida after his wife of 58 years had passed away. He was quite alone in the world and longed for companionship. One day, as he was walking through a public park, he spied what he considered to be a very pretty silver-haired lady sitting alone on a park bench. Getting his nerve up, he approached the lady and asked graciously, “Pardon me, ma’am, but may I sit here with you.”

The silver-haired Marcia looked up to see a distinguished looking white-haired gentleman and replied, “Why certainly,” and scooted over gently to give him room to sit down.

For the next two hours the two sat and talked about everything. They discovered that they came from the same part of the country, liked the same big band music, voted for the same presidential candidates, had had long happy marriages and lost their spouses in the last year, and in general agreed about almost everything.

Finally, the old gentleman cleared his throat and asked sheepishly, “Ma’am, may I ask you two questions?”

With great anticipation Marcia replied, “Why certainly!”

The old gentleman removed a handkerchief from his coat pocket and spread it out on the ground before her. He very gingerly got down on one knee and looked her softly in the eyes. “Marcia, I know we’ve only known each other for a couple of hours, but we have so much in common. I feel I have known you all my life. Will you marry me and be my wife?”

Marcia grabbed at Jimmie’s hands and said, “Why, yes, I will marry you!

You have made me so very happy!” She reached over and kissed him gently on the cheek. Then Marcia said, “You said you had two questions to ask me. What is the second question?”

Jimmie scratched his neck and said, “Will you help me get up?”

~~~

Our lives begin to end the day we start becoming silent about things that matter.

Unknown

~~~

“The Five Stages of Life”

To Grow Up

To Fill Out

To Slim Down

To Hold It In

To Hell With It

~~~

A priest was given the job of hearing the confessions of an order of monks. The priest returned to his parish that night and complained to one of the nuns about how long each of the monks took to enumerate all of their sins.

“Oh Father,” said the nun. “It couldn’t have been that bad.”

The priest replied, “Oh it was worse than you can imagine. It was like being stoned to death with popcorn.”

~~~

Funny, I don’t remember being absent minded.

~~~

The kindergarten class had settled down to its coloring books. Willie came up to the teacher’s desk and said, “Miss Francis, I ain’t got no crayons.”

“Willie,” Miss Francis said, “you mean, “I don’t have any crayons.’ You don’t have any crayons. We don’t have any crayons. They don’t have any crayons. Do you see what I’m getting at?”

“Not really,” Willie said, “What happened to all them crayons?”

~~~

The doctor explains to Abe that he would be able to resume his sex life as soon as he could climb two flights of stairs without becoming winded.

Abe listens attentively and then says, “What if I look for the women who live on the ground floor?”

~~~

You can awaken each day to obligations you never chose, or you can decide today to choose them.

Robert Brault

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

Thank You

Ray’s Daily

July 25, 2018

www.rays-daily.com

“If the only prayer you say in your life is ‘thank you,’ that would suffice.”

Meister Eckhart

appreciation

I have really appreciated all the messages we have received from so many of you, my friends. They brighten our days. I am learning to appreciate much of what I have often just taken for granted including our many friends and acquittances.

I am especially grateful for all our three children continue to do for us. They have been taking care of so much of our needs. They even are making sure that the next changes in our lives is as painless as possible. We are truly blessed.

Yes, in truth what makes our days happier than they might otherwise be is our friends and our family. I am truly grateful to you all.

Here is an abridged article written by Marelisa Fabrega that says how I feel.

How Gratitude Can Change Your Life

Gratitude means thankfulness, counting your blessings, noticing simple pleasures, and acknowledging everything that you receive. It means learning to live your life as if everything were a miracle, and being aware on a continuous basis of how much you’ve been given. “To say we feel grateful is not to say that everything in our lives is necessarily great. It just means we are aware of our blessings.”

Notice and Appreciate Each Day’s Gifts

People tend to take for granted the good that is already present in their lives. There’s a gratitude exercise that instructs that you should imagine losing some of the things that you take for granted, such as your home, your ability to see or hear, your ability to walk, or anything that currently gives you comfort. Then imagine getting each of these things back, one by one, and consider how grateful you would be for each and every one.

There are Many Ways to Practice Gratitude

A common method to develop the practice of gratitude is to keep a gratitude journal. This exercise basically consists of writing down every day a list of three to ten things for which you are grateful; you can do this first thing in the morning or before going to bed at night.

Conclusion

Once you become oriented toward looking for things to be grateful for, you will find that you begin to appreciate simple pleasures and things that you previously took for granted. Gratitude should not be just a reaction to getting what you want, but an all-the-time gratitude, the kind where you notice the little things and where you constantly look for the good even in unpleasant situations. Today, start bringing gratitude to your experiences, instead of waiting for a positive experience in order to feel grateful; in this way, you’ll be on your way toward becoming a master of gratitude.

~~~

“Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.”

Albert Schweitzer

~~~

I came home one night and my wife was crying.

I said, “what’s wrong?”

She said, “I’m home sick.”

I said, “This is your home.”

And she said, “Yes, and I’m sick of it!”

Tommy Cooper

~~~

Pride is something we have. Vanity is something others have.

~~~

Little Tony was staying with his grandmother for a few days. He’d been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came Into the house and asked her, “Grandma, what is that called when two People are sleeping in the same room and one is on top of the other?”

She was a little taken aback, but decided to tell him the truth. “It’s called sexual intercourse, darling.” Little Tony just said, “Oh, OK” and went back outside to talk and play with the other kids.

A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, “Grandma, it is not called sexual intercourse! It’s called Bunk Beds and Jimmy’s Mom wants to talk to you!!”

~~~

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

Henny Youngman

~~~

My friend’s husband is always telling her that housekeeping would be a snap if only she would organize her time better. Recently he had a chance to put his theory into practice while his wife was away.

When I popped in one evening to see how he was managing, he crowed, “I made a cake, frosted it, washed the kitchen windows, cleaned all the cupboards, scrubbed the kitchen floor, walls and ceiling and even had a bath.”

I was about to concede that perhaps he was a better manager than his wife, when he added sheepishly, “When I was making the chocolate frosting, I forgot to turn off the mixer before taking the beaters out of the bowl, so I had to do all the rest.”

~~~

When you can’t have what you want, it’s time to start wanting what you have.

Author Unknown

~~~

Two Martians were cruising through the solar system when they suddenly got the urge to try some Earth food. They had no local currency so decided to steal some Mars bars from the local shop. They furtively slipped into the shop while the shopkeeper wasn’t looking, nabbed the bars and slipped back out again.

“Stop! You never paid for those!” shouted the shopkeeper.

The aliens dropped the bars and beamed back up to the mothership. Their mates were furious when they discovered they hasn’t brought any food back with them. “What?” they goggled, “You couldn’t even take a few Mars bars from a shop without getting caught? What happened?”

“I don’t know how the shopkeeper saw us,” said one of the unsuccessful shoplifters. “She must have had eyes in the front of her head!”

~~~

“Dwell on the beauty of life. Watch the stars, and see yourself running with them.”

Leo Buscaglia

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

Don’t Quit

Ray’s Daily

July 24, 2018

www.rays-daily.com

“There is no failure except in no longer trying.”

Elbert Hubbard

Don't give up

I think one of the greatest challenges as we age is the need to adjust to a changing reality. Too many of us just throw up our hands and give up allowing our challenges to take us down. There is never a more important time in our lives for optimism and resilience.

Here is an edited piece by Marc Chernoff that has value no matter your age.

Things to Think About Before You Give Up

You never fail until you’re satisfied with failure. – Failure is not falling down; failure is staying down when you have the choice to get back up.  So don’t get so hung up on a few failed attempts that you miss every new opportunity coming your way.  All of your ideas that don’t work are simply stepping stones on your way to the one idea that does.

What you have learned is what’s important. – Life always offers you a second chance – it’s called tomorrow.  Getting a second chance in life is about giving yourself the opportunity to grow beyond your past failures.  It’s about learning as you go and positively adjusting your attitude and efforts toward future possibilities.

Tough times are just part of life’s natural balance. – Life lives, life dies.  Life laughs, life cries.  Life gives up and life tries.  In fact, who you were, who you are, and who you will become are three completely different people.  And as you gradually grow beyond the person you were yesterday, keep life’s challenges in perspective. 

Hear life’s harmony, and notice the delicate balance.  Realize that life is like playing a grand piano.  The white keys create your happiness and the black keys denote your troubles.  But as you go through life’s journey, remember that the black keys also create music.

Pain helps you grow. – Sometimes things must change so you can change.  Sometimes you must break a little so you can get a peek inside to see what an awesome powerhouse you are.  Sometimes you must overcome heartache so you can begin to follow your heart again.

Success is a way of living. – Don’t let your struggles become your identity.  Not everything in your life will go as you expect it to.  This is why you need to drop expectations, live in the present, and go with the flow, rather than against it.  Remind yourself that it’s perfectly okay not to be perfect.

You can choose differently. – The difference between a mountain and a molehill is your perspective.  And in many cases, the only thing in life you have control over is your perspective.  No matter what happens, YOU control what the meaning is, and what to do with the meaning you give to the circumstance.

It’s not supposed to be easy. – Just because you’re not where you want to be today doesn’t mean you won’t be there someday.  Successful people keep moving and trying.  They make mistakes, but they do not quit.

Simplify, simplify, simplify. – Like all magnificent things, life is quite simple.  Its simplicity is found not in seeing how little you can get by with – that’s poverty – but how efficiently you can conquer your biggest difficulties.  Remember, the greatest wisdom of life consists in the elimination of non-essentials.

Life is still good. – You may have seen better days, but you have also seen worse.  You might not have all your wants, but you do have all your needs.  You woke up with a few aches and pains, but you woke up.  Your life may not be perfect, but it is good.  And more good things are coming down the road as long as you keep moving forward.

~~~

“You do what you can for as long as you can, and when you finally can’t, you do the next best thing. You back up but you don’t give up.”

Chuck Yeager

~~~

Heather and Marcy hadn’t seen each other in awhile, so they decided to meet for lunch. The talk naturally got around to their respective love lives. Marcy confided that there really wasn’t anyone special in her life. Heather, on the other hand, was beaming about the new man she had found. “He’s perfect. He’s handsome, and last night when we went out to dinner, he said the four little words I’ve been waiting to hear a man say to me!”

“He said ‘will you marry me’?” Marcy asked.

Heather replied, “No, he said ‘put your money away’.”

~~~

Friendship is the only cement that will hold the world together.

Woodrow Wilson

~~~

Joe’s wife likes to sing so she decided to join the church choir. From time to time she would practice while she was in the kitchen preparing dinner. Whenever she would start in on a song, Joe would head outside to the porch.

His wife, with hurt feelings, said, “What’s the matter, Joe? Don’t you like my singing?”

Joe replied, “Honey, I love your singing, but I just want to make sure the neighbors know I’m not beating you.”

~~~

My dog saw a sign that said: “Wet Paint” so he did!

~~~

A Catholic Dictionary

AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.

BULLETIN: Your receipt for attending Mass.

CHOIR: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the congregation to lip-sync.

HYMN: A song of praise usually sung in a key two octaves higher than that of the congregation’s range.

RECESSIONAL HYMN: The last song at Mass often sung a little more quietly, since most of the people have already left.

INCENSE: Holy Smoke!

JUSTICE: When kids have kids of their own.

PEW: A medieval torture device still found in Catholic churches.

RECESSIONAL: The ceremonial procession at the conclusion of Mass led by parishioners trying to beat the crowd to the parking lot.

RELICS: People who have been going to Mass for so long, they actually know when to sit, kneel, and stand.

TEN COMMANDMENTS: The most important Top Ten list not given by David Letterman.

USHERS: The only people in the parish who don’t know the seating capacity of a pew.

~~~

“It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop.”

Confucius

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

It is up to us

Ray’s Daily

July 23, 2018

www.rays-daily.com

In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility.     

Eleanor Roosevelt

 responsibilty

I hope you had a great weekend. Ours was pretty good as we did get out twice to spend time with friends. These visits really helped my wife perk up, We are learning that we cannot become hermits as a result of her illness.

We continue to learn that the quality of life is really in our own hands. We must resist the temptation to allow remorse and regret to lead us to stagnation.

Here is a piece that reminded me that what we are and what we become is up to ourselves.

I am Me

Virginia Satir

In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me Everything that comes out of me is authentically me Because I alone chose it –

I own everything about me, my body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions,  Whether they be to others or to myself –

I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears –

I own all my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes

Because I own all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with me – by so doing I can love me and be friendly with me in all my parts –

I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other Aspects that I do not know – but as long as I am Friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously And hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles And for ways to find out more about me –

However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically Me – If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought And felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is Unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that Which I discarded – I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do.

I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be Productive to make sense and order out of the world of People and things outside of me – I own me, and therefore I can engineer me – I am me and I AM OKAY

~~~

Find joy in everything you choose to do. Every job, relationship, home… it’s your responsibility to love it, or change it.

Chuck Palahniuk

~~~

The city slicker was spending some time with his country cousins. The first morning the farmer said, “We need some help today. I’d sure appreciate it if you could take the bull to pasture three to breed with the cow there.”

The city slicker agreed. Six hours later, he staggered back to the farm house, his clothing all torn and disheveled. The farmer took a look, then asked, “The bull give you a problem?” “Hell, no. the bull was eager and raring to go.” “Then why did it take you all day?” “Because,” the city slicker replied, “The cow fought me for hours before she’d roll over on her back.”

~~~

My weight is perfect for my height, which varies.

~~~

Finally, the good-natured boss was compelled to call Smith into his office.

“It has not escaped my attention,” he pointed out, “that every time there’s a home game at the stadium, you have to take your aunt to the doctor.”

“You know you’re right, sir,” exclaimed Smith. “I didn’t realize it.

You don’t suppose she’s faking, do you?”

~~~

We tend to live up to our expectations.

Earl Nightingale

~~~

He said: While I was driving my daughter home from kindergarten, Melody Raye started trying to get me to look at the numerous crayon drawings she’d made that day.

After trying to keep the car between the ditches while looking at the drawings, I told her I would look at the rest later because right now I had to watch the road. She immediately put a drawing in front of my face and said, “You look, Daddy, I’ll watch the road for you.”

~~~

He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.”

Abraham Lincoln

~~~

She said: I had this boyfriend who told me he thought I needed to lose weight. He really hurt my feelings, but he was right. I’m proud to say I lost 173 pounds, when I dumped him. I can’t tell you how much better I feel.

~~~

Whatever is begun in anger, ends in shame.

Benjamin Franklin

~~~

Four regulars were playing their weekly game of golf, and one remarked how nice it would be to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and without an argument go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies and play a round. His buddies all chimed in and said, “Let’s do it! We’ll make it a priority, figure out a way and meet here early Christmas morning.”

Months later, that special morning arrives, and there they are on the golf course. The first guy says, “Boy this game cost me a fortune! I bought my wife such a diamond ring that she can’t take her eyes off it.” Number 2 guy says, “I spent a ton, too. My wife is at home planning the cruise I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures.” Number 3 guy says “Well my wife is at home admiring her new car, reading the manual.”

They all turned to the last guy in the group who is staring at them like they have lost their minds. “I can’t believe you all went to such expense for this golf game. I slapped my wife on the butt and said, ‘Well babe, Merry Christmas! It’s a great morning, is it sex or Golf Course and she said… “Take a sweater – it’s a bit cool this morning…”

~~~

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

Rodney Dangerfield

~~~

And remember… Any time you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there’s a 90 per cent probability you’ll get it wrong.

~~~

Concern yourself more with accepting responsibility than with assigning blame. Let the possibilities inspire you more than the obstacles discourage you.

Ralph Marston

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

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