Ray's musings and humor

Archive for September, 2018

Enjoy the journey

Ray’s Daily

September 28, 2018

https://rays-daily.com/

“To be a star, you must shine your own light, follow your own path.

Don’t worry about the darkness, for that is when the stars shine brightest”

star shine

I have a full day today so I hope you will be OK with another Ray’s Daily reprint.

Ray’s Daily first published on September 28, 2006

As some of you know I spend much of my time with others who are in the process of deciding what they want to do with the rest of their lives. As I am sure you know it is not an easy task. Too many of us get lost in the process, someone tells us to go that way, another sends us someplace else, and our past tries to keep us on the same path we have always been on. Way too often the range of choices we have available to us is so debilitating that we just give up and stay in the same old rut.

If we are to venture off in a new direction, we don’t need a map, we can make our own. Every step we take may seem to lead in a wrong direction but that is never the case, each step is progress and if we take a wrong turn we just backtrack and follow the other path. Often it is not the destination that rewards us but the journey itself. Everything we see and learn along the way helps to make our journey more worthwhile.

 I know one thing that is absolutely true; if you don’t start you will never get there. If you don’t know where and when to start, don’t worry about it just start somewhere. Progress is made by discovering barriers and finding paths. Life is to be explored and if you don’t want to enrich the journey all you have to do is stay put, close down your dreams, and be satisfied ending up where you are. But if you do you will miss more than you know.

 But if you take the journey you will find as you progress you will gather momentum and discover navigational skills you never knew you had. Who knows you might find that your magic place is really not that far away. By the way, if you do start soon look for me, I’ll be the guy alongside the road who waves and wishes you bon voyage.

~~~

“No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path.”

Buddha

~~~

One Christmas, a parent decreed that she was no longer going to remind her children of their thank-you note duties. As a result their grandmother never received acknowledgments of the generous checks she had given. The next year things were different, however.

“The children came over in person to thank me,” the grandparent told a friend triumphantly.

“How wonderful!” the friend exclaimed.  “What do you think caused the change in behavior?”

“Oh, that’s easy,” the grandmother replied.  “This year I didn’t sign the checks.”

~~~

The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday:

“I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours.”

~~~

She said: Like all growing boys, my teenage grandson Jermon was constantly hungry, I went to the ‘fridge to find something he might like. After poking around a bit and moving the milk and juice cartons, I spotted a bowl of leftover chili. “Hey, Jermon,” I called out excitedly. He came running into the kitchen. “Look! I found some chili.” Struggling to be polite, he said, “If you’re that surprised, I’m not really sure I want it.”

~~~

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

~~~

So one day, Gramma sent her grandson Johnnie down to the water hole to get some water for cooking dinner. As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him. He dropped the bucket and hightailed it for Gramma’s kitchen.

“Well now, where’s my bucket and where’s my water?” Gramma asked him.

“I can’t get any water from that water hole, “Gramma!” exclaimed Johnnie. “there’s a big ol’ alligator down there waiting for me!”

“Now don’t you mind that ol’ alligator, Johnnie. He’s been there for a few years now, and he’s never hurt anyone. Why, he’s probably as scared of you as you are of him!”

“Well, Gramma,” replied Johnnie, “if he’s as scared of me as I am of him, then that water ain’t fit to drink!”

~~~

They say you can’t have too much of a good thing. I wish I’d been part of that study.

~~~

At a Mass at which some young ladies were to take their finals vows to become nuns, the Bishop presiding noticed two Rabbis enter the church just before the service began. They insisted on sitting on the right side of the center aisle. The Bishop wondered why they had come, but he didn’t have time to inquire before the Mass began.

When it came time for the announcements, the Bishop’s curiosity got the better of him. He welcomed the two Rabbis and asked why they had chosen to be present at this occasion where the young ladies were to become the “Brides of Christ.”

The elder of the Rabbis slowly rose to his feet and explained, “Family of the Groom.”

~~~

Right is right, even if everyone is against it; and wrong is wrong, even if everyone is for it.

William Penn

~~~

A young man came home from the office and found his new bride sobbing inconsolably.

“I feel terrible,” she told him. “I was pressing your suit and I burned a big hole in the seat of your trousers.”

“Forget it,” consoled her husband. “Remember that I’ve got an extra pair of pants for that suit.”

“Yes, and it’s lucky you have,” said the woman, drying her eyes. “I used them to patch the hole.”

~~~

He who is outside the door has already got a good part of his journey behind him.

Dutch proverb

~~~

He said: The restaurant where I took my two sons for a meal was crowded with fans watching a sporting event on television. The harried waitress took our order, but more than half an hour passed with no sign of her return.

I was trying to keep my kids from becoming restless when suddenly shouts of victory came from the bar. “Hey,” commented my 11-year-old, “it sounds as if someone just got his food.”

~~~

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.

Oscar Wilde

~~~

The psychiatrist was not expecting the distraught stranger who staggered into his office and slumped into a chair.   “I’m losing my memory, Doctor,” he sobbed. “What should I do?”

“Pay me in advance.”

~~~

Ever notice how kids learn to drive a car in no time, but cannot understand the workings of the lawn mower, snow blower, or vacuum cleaner?

~~~

“I play golf in the low 80’s,” the little old man was telling one of the young boys at the club.

“Wow,” said the young man, “that’s pretty impressive.”

“Not really,” said the little old man. “Any hotter and I’d probably have a stroke.”

~~~

Short skirts have a tendency to make men polite. Have you ever seen a man get on a bus ahead of one?

~~~

“The difficulties you meet will resolve themselves as you advance.

Proceed, and light will dawn, and shine with increasing clearness on your path.”

Jim Rohn

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

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Fun Day

Ray’s Daily

September 27, 2018

https://rays-daily.com/

“Life is but a moment in the realm of all eternity, so have a little fun every day.”

Van Orden

Have Funjpg

Yesterday I turned in my driver’s license because of my failing eyesight, so no more driving for me but also no more car to worry about or pay for. The only problem was that the temporary identification the State provided me with had a picture of an old guy on it, I wish they would thave used my picture since I sure don’t think I look that old.

One of the mysteries that haunts me these days is why since I have little must I don’t have enough time to do all I would like to do.

I think part of the problem is while I take a fifteen-minute nap the clock moves ahead an hour or more. I think I’ll see if these tips help.

How to Stay Young

Author Unknown

  1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay ‘them’
  2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.
  3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. ‘An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.’
  4. Enjoy the simple things.
  5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
  6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.
  7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it’s family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.
  8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.
  9. Don’t take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is.
  10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER…

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by  the moments that take our breath away.

~~~

Here is a test to find out whether your mission in life is complete. If you’re alive, it isn’t.

Richard Bach

~~~

“Why the big smile?” Bill asked his buddy, Jim.

“My wife just ran off with my best friend.” Jim replied.

“Do I know him?” Bill inquired.

“No.” Jim replied. “And neither do I!”

~~~

“Success seems to be largely a matter of hanging on after others have let go.”

William Feather

~~~

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to “Honor thy father and thy mother,” she asked, “Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?”

Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, “Thou shall not kill.”

~~~

Marge was telling her friend Grace how she gets her son out of bed in the morning.

“I just open his door and toss the cat on his bed. He sleeps with his dog.”

~~~

In Cork County Ireland, a bum came up to old Hogan and asked for a handout.  Hogan replied, “Ye’ll only waste the money, you will.”

“No,” replied the bum, “I need it for food.  I don’t drink, I don’t smoke and I sure don’t gamble.”

“Aye,” Hogan replied, “in that case, if you’ll be comin’ back to my house, I’ll give you a whole pound.”

The bum was agreeable, and in a few minutes they were at the door of Hogan’s house.  Mrs. Hogan opened the door, took a look at the pair of them and said, “Aye!  And what would this be about then?”

Hogan said to his wife, “I just wanted to show you somebody who doesn’t smoke, drink, or gamble!”

~~~

She said, every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom’s wise words: “Don’t pick that up. You don’t know where it’s been.

~~~

A comely redhead was thrilled to have obtained a divorce and dazzled by the skill and virtuosity of her lawyer, not to mention his healthy income and good looks. In fact, she realized, she had fallen head over heels in love with him, even though he was a married man.

“Oh, sweetie,” she sobbed at the conclusion of the trial, “isn’t there some way we can be together, the way we were meant to be?”

Taking her by the shoulders, the lawyer proceeded to scold her for her lack of discretion and good judgment. “Snatched drinks in grimy bars on the edge of town, lying on the phone, hurried meetings in sordid motels rooms – is that really what you want for us?”

“No…no…” she sobbed, heartsick.

“Oh,” said the lawyer. “Well, it was just a suggestion.”

~~~

“Don’t ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”

Howard Thurman

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

Don’t Be Too Late

Ray’s Daily

September 26, 2018

https://rays-daily.com/

Don’t Wait! Start on your dreams, your impulses, your longings, your special occasions today. Because this is your moment.

Mary Anne Radmacher

Do it now

I think the best way to enjoy life is to live each day to the fullest. Especially when you become as old as I am, you never know how many days you have left. When you do stay active you find that you do not have to wait until next week or next month to find enjoyment, you can find it almost every day. The secret is to stay involved in what is going on. Too many of us nap and forget to get up and do something.

Trust me when you stay in your day doing what you can do your days will be better and your weeks will be as well. Recently Marc Chernoff published an artice that included a call to action that I think has great merit, here is what he wrote.

Put your whole heart and soul into life!

Do the hard and necessary things, right NOW, with your whole heart and soul fully invested!

When I was a kid, my grandmother used to tell me, “Stop waiting for better opportunities.  The one you have in front of you is the best opportunity.”  She also said, “Too often we spend too much time making it perfect in our heads before we ever even do it.  Stop waiting for perfection and just do your best with what you have today, and then improve it tomorrow.”

Believe it or not, recent psychological research indirectly reinforces my grandmother’s sentiments.  For many years, psychologists believed our minds could directly affect our physical state of being, but never the other way around.  Nowadays, however, it is widely documented that our bodies—for example, our momentary facial expressions and body posture—can directly affect our mental state of being too.  So while it’s true that we change from the inside out, we also change from the outside in.  And you can make this reality work for you.  If you want more passion and happiness in your life right now, act accordingly right now.

Put your heart and soul into something!

Not into tomorrow’s opportunities, but into the opportunity right in front of you.

Not into tomorrow’s tasks, but into today’s tasks.

Not into tomorrow’s run, but into today’s run.

Not into tomorrow’s relationships, but into today’s relationships.

~~~

Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.”

Theodore Roosevelt

~~~

O’Reilly’s law of the kitchen: Cleanliness is next to impossible.

Lieberman’s law: Everybody lies, but it doesn’t matter since nobody listens.

Denniston’s law: Virtue is its own punishment.

Gold’s law: If the shoe fits, its ugly.

Conway’s law: In any organization, there will always be one person who knows what is going on. This person should be fired.

Finster’s law: A closed mouth gathers no feet.

Lynch’s law: When the going gets tough, everyone leaves.

Mason’s first law of synergism: The one day you’d sell your birthright for something, birthrights are a glut.

Hanlon’s razor: Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.

Green’s law of debate: Anything is possible if you don’t know what you’re talking about.

First rule of history: History doesn’t repeat itself, historians merely repeat each other.

Oliver’s law of location: No matter where you go, there you are.

Harrison’s postulate: For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

~~~

It is bad luck to be superstitious.

~~~

Little Johnny wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his parents for days. Finally, his mother talked his reluctant father into taking him.

“So how was it?” his mother asked when they returned home.

“Great,” Little Johnny replied.

“Did you and your father have a good time?” asked his mother.

“Yeah, Daddy especially liked it,” exclaimed Little Johnny excitedly, especially when one of the animals came home at 30 to 1!”

~~~

“I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.”

Henny Youngman

~~~

An old lady tottered into a lawyer’s office and asked for help in arranging a divorce. “A divorce?” asked the unbelieving lawyer.  “Tell me, how old are you?”

“I’m eighty-four,” answered the old lady.

“Eighty-four!  And how old is your husband?”

“My husband is eighty-seven.”

“My, my,” said the lawyer, “and how long have you been married?”

“Next September will be sixty-two years.”

“Married sixty-two years?!  Why would you want a divorce now?”

“Because,” the woman answered calmly, “enough is enough!”

~~~

“It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows.”

Erma Bombeck

~~~

The new family in the neighborhood overslept and the six year old daughter missed her school bus.  The father, though late for work, agreed to drive her if she’d direct him to the school. They rode several blocks before she told him to turn the first time, several more before she indicated another turn.  This went on for 20 minutes — yet when they finally reached the school, it proved to be only a short distance from their home.

Asked why she’d led the father over such a circuitous route, the child explained, “That’s the way the school bus goes, and it’s the only way I know.”

~~~

It’s easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

~~~

Lester Moore was a Wells, Fargo Co. station agent for Naco, Arizona in the cowboy days of the 1880’s.  He’s buried in the Boot Hill Cemetery in Tombstone, Arizona:

Here lies Lester Moore

Four slugs from a .44

No Les No More.

~~~

Infuse your life with action. Don’t wait for it to happen. Make it happen. Make your own future. Make your own hope. Make your own love.

Bradley Whitford

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

Young Again

Ray’s Daily

September 25, 2018

https://rays-daily.com/

Aging can be fun if you lay back and enjoy it.

Clint Eastwood

Fountan of youthjpg

One of the benefits of my move to a senior living community has been my discovery of a new perspective on age. I left an environment where I was often the oldest guy around to one where I am usually the youngest. It is like I have been to the fountain of youth.

I have ate with folks a hundred and something years old who are amazing, they are quick witted, smart and have a wonderful sense of humor. One even goes for long walks outside.

I think these are the type of folks that Satchel Paige was talking about when he asked the question “How old would you be if you did not know how old you are?” I think their secret is a positive attitude, all I know is that I want to be like them when I grow up, after all I am only 83.

TIPS FOR AGING GRACEFULLY

  • Do something you enjoy every day. When you immerse yourself in things you enjoy, you can’t wait to do them again. And then you do them again, and again and again, and the enjoyment continues.
  • Work at friendships. Friendships are fuel, providing energy, love and feeding your emotions. You’re never too old for new friendships.
  • Congratulate yourself. Everyone has accomplishments: celebrate them and use them as inspiration for new ones.
  • Embrace change. Life is change. Resisting it wastes precious time and energy. Living for it can create adventures you never thought possible.
  • Learn. Exercise your brain continually.
  • Know yourself. You know best what you like and don’t like, and you have the power to emphasize the good.
  • Make your home your special place by personalizing it and making it comfortable. Everyone needs a refuge that’s uniquely theirs.
  • Be gentle with yourself. Listen to your own inner voices and senses and do what makes you feel best.
  • Share happiness. Make a point to spread joy whenever possible. It feels good to make someone else feel good, and it’s very inexpensive to do.
  • Take control of how you react to things. Little things can really bring you down if you let them. But you don’t have to let them.
  • Surround yourself with people who lift you up rather than bring you down.

~~~

“The longer I live the more beautiful life becomes.”

Frank Lloyd Wright

~~~

Little Golden Books That Never Made It:

Thank goodness they didn’t.

  • You Are Different and That’s Bad
  • The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables
  • Dad’s New Wife Robert
  • Fun Four Letter Words to Know and Share
  • Hammers, Screwdrivers, and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book
  • The Kid’s Guide to Hitchhiking
  • Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her
  • Curios George and the High Voltage Fence
  • The Little Sissy Who Snitched
  • Some Kittens Can Fly
  • That’s It, I’m Putting You Up For Adoption
  • The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator
  • The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy
  • Strangers Have the Best Candy
  • You Were An Accident
  • Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will
  • Pop! Goes the Hamster and Other Great Microwave Games
  • Your Nightmares are Real
  • Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School
  • Why Can’t Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?
  • Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things
  • Daddy Drinks Because You Cry

~~~

“Never give a party if you will be the most interesting person there.”

Mickey Friedman

~~~

While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting and old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted, “Are there any gators around here?!”

“Naw,” the man hollered back, “they ain’t been around for years!”

“Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore. About halfway there he asked the guy, “How’d you get rid of the gators?”

“We didn’t do nothin’,” the beachcomber said. “The sharks got ’em all.”.

~~~

People who fight fire with fire usually end up with ashes.

Abigail Van Buren

~~~

One morning the doorbell rang. The weather was very bad. It was raining cats and dogs. I opened the door and there stood a young girl, a Jehovah’s Witness, soaking wet. I felt sorry for her and asked her to come inside for a cup of coffee and to dry off a little. As we sat and drank our coffee, I asked her what her ‘happy message’ was. I thought perhaps we might discuss some difference of belief, but she stuttered and said. . .”Gee, I’m not sure, I never got this far.”

~~~

“For the unlearned, old age is winter; for the learned, it is the season of the harvest.”

Hasidic saying

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

Don’t Wait

Ray’s Daily

September 24, 2018

https://rays-daily.com/

Well done is better than well said.

Benjamin Franklin

Don't Wait

As has happened so often in my life I have found the value of not waiting to take action. Our move to our new home has been better than we thought possible. Every day we would have waited would be a day that we would have lost.

In my working and volunteer life the thing that bothered me the most was how often extended discussion had kept us from doing what needed to be done, often resulting in a lost opportunity. Far too many organizations fail to reach their potential due to stagnation and inaction,

I agree with the following article. Don’t let indecision hold you back.

Worse than a bad decision

Author Unknown

Do you know why 95% of people out there never “have enough” of anything and find themselves lost, confused, and constantly searching for the reason WHY? The answer is simple…

“Most people will loose more to indecision than they will to a bad decision.”

Andrew Carnegie

This is not only the truth; it is the Number One reason people remain unsuccessful in their lives. Even the unsuccessful people aware of this principle remain unconvinced of how powerful decisions are and how debilitating indecision can be.

Let me ask you this…If someone asked you to give up the next 20 years of your life, without being paid, how long would it take you to make that decision?

Maybe you know the story of Andrew Carnegie (believed to be the world’s first Billionaire). He called a young cub reporter into his office and asked him to devote 20 years to interviewing only the world’s richest people in order to share ‘The Secret’ of wealth, success, and happiness with the rest of the world.

But, did you know that Mr. Carnegie secretly held a stopwatch beneath his desk and gave Napoleon Hill only 60 seconds to answer yes or no before he would lose the opportunity forever? Mr. Carnegie knew that if Napoleon required more time to think about it then he was the wrong guy.

You see, Mr. Carnegie knew that ‘Successful People’ make decisions quickly. Napoleon Hill took 32 seconds to say YES… and his lack of indecision led to the writing of “Think and Grow Rich,” the best-selling book responsible for helping to create an estimated One Million Millionaires!

Born into poverty in 1883, Napoleon Hill rose to become one of the world’s most distinguished and respected authors of all time. He moved from newspaper reporter to law student to working for Andrew Carnegie, and became a confidant and advisor to businessmen and presidents. Hill has counted among his many associates Franklin D. Roosevelt, Mahatma Gandhi, Thomas Edison, Henry Ford, and hundreds of other world leaders.

~~~

Be content to act, and leave the talking to others.

Baltasar Gracián

~~~

Hurricane tips

* Coffee and frozen pizzas can be made on a BBQ grill.

* No matter how many times you flick the switch, lights don’t work without electricity.

* Kids can survive 4 days or longer without a video game controller in their hand.

* He who has the biggest generator wins.

* Women can actually survive without doing their hair–you just wish they weren’t around you.

* A new method of non-lethal torture-showers without hot water.

* There are a lot more stars in the sky than most people thought.

* TV is an addiction and the withdrawal symptoms are painful.  One day at a time, brother.

* There are a lot of trees around here.

* Aluminum siding, while aesthetically pleasing, is definitely not required.

* Just because you’re 35 doesn’t mean you can stay out as late as you want.  At least that’s what the cops told me during a curfew stop.

* People will get into a line that has already formed without having any idea what the line is for.

* When required, a Lincoln Continental will float–doesn’t steer well, but floats just the same.

* Some things do keep the mailman from his appointed rounds.

* Tele-marketers function no matter what the weather is doing.

* Cell phones work when land lines are down, but only as long as the battery remains charged.

* If my store sold only ice, chainsaws, gas, and generators…I’d be rich.

* The price of a bag of ice rises 200% after a hurricane.

* Your water front property can quickly become someone else’s fishing hole.

* Tree service companies are under appreciated.

* Drywall is a compound word, take away the “dry” part and it’s worthless.

~~~

An optimist laughs to forget.. pessimist forgets to laugh.

~~~

A new convert to Catholicism decided to go to confession to deal with his transgression. In the confessional, he told the priest that he had sinned. “What was your sin, my son?” asked the priest. “I stole some lumber, Father,” replied the man. “How much lumber did you steal?” asked the priest. “Father, I built my German Shepherd dog a nice new doghouse.” The priest replied, “Well, that’s not so bad.” The man continued, “Father, I also built myself a 4-car garage.” “Well, now, that’s a little more serious.” “Father, there’s more. In addition to the doghouse, the 4-car garage, I also built a 5 bedroom, 4 bath house!”

With a pause, the priest finally spoke. “That is a little more serious.

I’m afraid you’ll have to make a novena.”

“Father, I’m not sure what a ‘novena’ is, but if you’ve got the blueprints, I’ve got the lumber!”

~~~

“Why is it that all of the instruments seeking intelligent life in the universe are pointed away from Earth?”

~~~

This guy called up his lawyer to tell him he was filing for divorce, and the lawyer inquired as to the grounds for the suit.

“I’ve got grounds, all right,” sputtered the irate husband. “Can you believe my wife told me I’m a lousy lover?”

“That’s why you’re suing?” pursued his lawyer.

“Of course not. I’m suing because she knows the difference.”

~~~

Cherish all your happy moments; they make a fine cushion for old age.

Booth Tarkington

~~~

During a practical exercise at a military police base, the instructor was giving the class instruction in unarmed self-defense. After he presented a number of different situations in which they might find themselves, he asked a student, “What steps would you take if someone were coming at you with a big, sharp knife?”

The student replied. “BIG ones.”

~~~

If we wait until we’re ready, we’ll be waiting for the rest of our lives.

Lemony Snicket

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

We are on our way

Ray’s Daily

September 21, 2018

https://rays-daily.com/

Instead of trying to make your life perfect, give yourself the freedom to make it an adventure, and go ever upward.

Drew Houston

life

My wife and me are well underway as we discover life in our new community. We have met some really nice people, we have appreciated the friendly and helpful staff and are benefiting from the exercise required to walk to meals and functions. Oh, and by the way the food is great and we don’t have to do any clean up.

I am not sure we would have made this move if it had not been for our children’s helping us realize it was the right thing to do and the right time to do it. As in Robert Frost’s poem we took the road less traveled and found a better place.

The Road Not Taken

by: Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long as I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth,

Then took the other as just as fair

And having perhaps the better claim;

Because it was grassy and wanted wear,

Though as for that, the passing there

Had worn them really about the same.

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet, knowing how way leads onto way I doubted

if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh,

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

~~~

It’s time to say goodbye, but I think goodbyes are sad and I’d much rather say hello. Hello to a new adventure.

Ernie Harwell

~~~

An extraordinary event was witnessed at a Memphis branch Union Planters bank today. Heather Williams of Germantown pulled up to the drive-thru ATM, put her card in, withdrew cash and then her card, and pulled away in mind-boggling two minutes and 48 seconds. Ms. Williams set a new world record for “Female Drive- Thru ATM Withdrawal.”

ATM Officials were giddy at the site of this remarkable woman. “Oh, man, I knew there was something special right when she pulled up!” Bank Manager Brian Sontag gushed. “She nailed positioning her car right in front of the ATM! She didn’t go too far forward, then have to put her car in reverse, then ease back up a little bit, then back completely out because she was too far from the machine. Unbelievable! ”

As the record breaking ATM withdrawal was taking place, Sontag marveled at how Williams defied the dictates of style. “I was breathless when she got the car positioned right and would have been able to pass that story along to my grand- children. But I almost passed out when she had her ATM card *ready* to insert! There was no digging through her purse! No fumbling with that little white envelope that women store the card between uses. She had it ready — and get this — she didn’t have to check her address book for her PIN number!!!”

Sontag shook his head, amazed. “Williams also didn’t read every screen of the ATM window. She didn’t get on her cell phone and ask guidance from her best friend on the best denominations to withdraw!”

Sontag continued. “While the ATM was processing her request,” Sontag sits, obviously overcome with disbelief, “Ms. Williams didn’t start touching up her makeup! There was no adjusting of the rear view mirror, no fumbling through her purse for some lipstick. This had an enormous effect on her record breaking run since she didn’t have to put all of that crap away when the money came out!”

When the money popped out of the ATM, Sontag reports, Williams was ready. “As I said, she wasn’t putting on her makeup. She was studying the machine and when that money came out, she removed it. Pressed the button to let it know she didn’t want any other transactions — and, because she never took her car out of ‘drive’, she didn’t put the car in *reverse* and back up over the guy behind her!”

Union Planters had a camera on the entire transaction and plans to turning the film into a training video for the ATM-challenged.

~~~

I shall allow no man to belittle my soul by making me hate him.

Booker T. Washington

~~~

He said: My kids love going to the Web, and they keep track of their passwords by writing them on Post-it notes.

I noticed that their Disney password was “MickeyMinnieGoofyPluto,” and so I asked why it was so long.

“Because,” my son explained, “they say it has to have at least four characters.”

~~~

“You can always tell a man who is a non-conformist, because he looks just like every other non-conformist.”

~~~

With a man soon to celebrate his 50th wedding anniversary at the church’s marriage marathon, the minister asked Pete to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he managed to maintain his marriage with the same woman all these years.

The husband replied to the audience, “Well, I treated her with respect, spent money on her, but mostly I took her traveling on special occasions.”

The minister inquired, “Trips to where”?

“For our 25th anniversary, I took her to Beijing, China.”

The minister then said, “What a terrific example you are to all husbands, Pete.”

Please tell the audience what you’re going to do for your wife on your 50th anniversary.”

Pete said, “I’m going to go get her.”

~~~

Unless you change how you are, you will always have what you’ve got.

Jim Rohn

~~~

A pig goes into the telegraph office, fills out a “Send Telegraph” form and gives it to the telegraph operator.

The operator reads it and it says, “oink oink oink oink oink oink oink oink”.

The operator then tells the pig, “For the same price you can have nine words in your message. Would you like to add another ‘oink?'”

The pig looks at the man in disbelief and replies, “But then it wouldn’t make any sense!”

~~~

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.

Mark Twain

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

Enjoy your life

Ray’s Daily

September 20, 3018

Because I have loved life, I shall have no sorrow to die.

Amelia Burr:

happy

I hope all is well with you; it is with us. I find adjusting to our new life is fatiguing and this morning I don’t have much energy so I hope you don’t mind a reprint.

Ray’s Daily first published on September 20, 2007

It has been some day. It started with a rebirth and ended with a funeral and there is a lesson to be learned in both cases.

Let me start with the rebirth, I have a long time friend who has been a media favorite and community icon for decades. For many years the people of Indianapolis have listened to my friends familiar voice day after day, week after week, and month after month. It was like his job became who he was, at least in the eyes of the public. He is so well known that people everywhere recognize him and express their appreciation for what he did. Through it all it almost seemed that he was defined by his job and that often constrains people from ever breaking out and doing something different.

Fortunately for us my friend decided to walk away from what he has been doing in order to become what he want’s to do from here on out. I say fortunately because the choice my friend has made is to do more for people. He has always had much to offer and now he gets to offer it more often and to more people. All I can say is good for him, I know he won’t be holding up the coffin lid hollering “Wait I haven’t started yet.”

Which brings me to the loss of my former colleague, my friend just lost his battle with Lou Gehrig’s disease. He was only 64 years old. But unlike far too many of us he choose many years ago to lead a very full life, He held a number of positions in various organizations, always excelling in what he did. He had a small business as a side line. He designed software solutions that are in use throughout the country to this day. But those activities were only the tip of the iceberg, he was an avid photographer, a Mayan Historian, an explorer and an international traveler.  In other words my associate lived life to the fullest. He did not allow himself to become trapped in a job that stole all of his time and energy. He raised a family, stayed curious, and never let all the reasons why not stop him.

My friend who is being reborn is about to begin the adventure that undoubtedly will become his best years. And my old friend who has passed on is probably hollering “thanks everyone, I really enjoyed the ride.” In both cases these good people chose not to wait until it was too late to live.

What about you? Are you doing what makes you happy? If not, you might try doing something else, at least some of the time. If you do I think you’ll like life more than you do now.

~~~

Just living is not enough.  One must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower.

Hans Christian Anderson

~~~

David can’t get to sleep and is tossing and turning in his bed all night, turning this way, turning that way and keeping his wife Elizabeth awake. Finally she has enough!

“David! What’s wrong? Why can’t you sleep?”

“Oh, Elizabeth,’ says David. It’s business.”

“What business?” asks Elizabeth. “I borrowed a million dollars from Samuel next door.”

“So?” asks Elizabeth. “Well, I’m due to pay it back tomorrow.” “So?” asks Elizabeth. “Well, I haven’t got the money.”

“Right,” says Elizabeth. And she gets up, goes to the window, throws it open and shouts: “Samuel, Samuel, wake up!” Samuel comes to his window.

“What’s wrong, Elizabeth? Why are you making all his noise?”

“My David tells me he owes you a million dollars.” “Yes, that’s right,” says Samuel. “And it’s due back tomorrow.” “Yes, that’s right,” says Samuel. “Well, he hasn’t got the money and can’t pay!” says Elizabeth and slams the window shut again.

David is beside himself. “Why did you tell him that?” he asks.

Replies Elizabeth: “And you should be the only one to have a sleepless night?”

~~~

Don’t compromise yourself. You are all you’ve got.

Janis Joplin

~~~

“Do you love me with all your heart and soul?” asked Becky.

“Mmm hmm.” replied Dave.

“Do you think I’m the most beautiful girl in the world?”

“Mmm hmm.”

“Do you think my lips are like rose petals?”

“Mmm hmm.”

“Oh Dave,” gushed Becky, “you say the most beautiful things!”

~~~

Junk is something you’ve kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

~~~

Two blondes are walking along the beach when a seagull comes along and poops right on the head of one of them.

“Oh dear,” she says. “I have bird poop on my head.”

“Don’t worry,” says her friend. “I’ll get a tissue…be right back!”

“Don’t bother,” she says. “He’ll be miles away by then.”

~~~

“It takes a long time to become young.”

Pablo Picasso

~~~

Useless Inventions

  1. Non stick Cellotape
  2. Solar Powered Flash Light
  3. A black highlighter pen
  4. Glow in the dark sunglasses
  5. Inflatable Anchor
  6. Smooth Sandpaper
  7. Waterproof sponge
  8. Waterproof Teabags
  9. AC adapter for Solar powered calculators
  10. Fireproof Matches
  11. Fireproof Cigarettes
  12. Battery powered Battery Charger
  13. Seatbelts for Motorbikes
  14. Hand powered Chainsaw
  15. Inflatable Dartboard
  16. Silent Alarm Clock
  17. A Pedal powered wheelchair
  18. Braille Drivers Manual
  19. Double sided playing cards
  20. Ejector seats for Helicopters

~~~

Life is what we make it, always has been, always will be.

Grandma Moses

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

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