Ray's Daily

When witches go riding,

and black cats are seen,

the moon laughs and whispers,

‘tis near Halloween.

I am on the run today doing scary things. So here is something I did a few years ago.

~~~

“In order to improve the mind, we ought less learn than to contemplate.”

Rene Descartes

~~~

Some of you probably remember how IBM used “THINK” as its motto in the 50’s and 60’s. Everywhere you went in business you saw a small desk top sign that said THINK. I like to believe that it was a reminder that we should contemplate, resolve, and create. Think has many definitions, one is to form thoughts (to use the mind to consider ideas and make judgments) and another is to have an opinion (to believe something or have something as an opinion). We are taught so much, hear so much, and read so much I sometimes wonder if the two definitions are too often mutually exclusive. It seems that we often believe without taking the time to think about what it is we believe.

I am not anti-belief at all; our beliefs are part of the foundation upon which we build our lives. But I am questioning beliefs that are the result of someone else’s teaching, prejudice, or conviction. Please win me over with the logic of what you believe and not the emotion that you use to express it. Of course I don’t mean you; I know you would never do that.

Most of us will never be able to totally unload the influences of our past, yet each of us has the ability to go forward with an open mind. How? – By just taking the time to stop and think once in awhile. Study, learn, and then think. We may not be able to change the world, but we can change our world. We have come this far because thinkers were unwilling to accept the beliefs of the day on blind faith. The creators and innovators learn about what was, and then build what will be.

A test of who we are may very well be our ability to state a belief and then follow with why we believe it. They say what you don’t know won’t hurt you, that’s wrong of course, but what you don’t know may very well free you from the bounds of conventional wisdom.

~~~

“Believe nothing.

No matter where you read it,

Or who said it,

Even if I have said it,

Unless it agrees with your own reason

And your own common sense.”

Buddha

~~~

In a stationery store, I quickly picked out a card for my wife for our anniversary.  The clerk was surprised by how little time it took me, and she began relating a story about another customer who spent a half-hour searching for the right anniversary greeting.

Noticing the man lingering over one card after another, the clerk went to see if she could help.

"Is there a problem?" she asked.

"Yes, there is," he replied ruefully.  "I can’t find one my wife will believe."

~~~

Where are we going and what am I doing in this handbasket?

~~~

"Good afternoon, my good barkeep, a pint of Less if you please," said the old man as he entered the tavern.

"’Less’?  Never heard of it," replied the bartender.

"Oh, come now, surely you have," he persisted.

"No, I’m sorry, we certainly don’t stock it.  What is it anyway?  Some foreign beer?"

"Well, I’m not sure," admitted the man.  "It was my doctor who mentioned it.

He said I should drink less."

~~~

I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

~~~

She said: Our crew at an ambulance company works 24-hour shifts. The sleeping quarters consist of a large room with several single beds, so we get to know one another’s habits, like who snores or talks in his sleep. While I was having my teeth examined by a dentist one day, he noticed that some of my teeth were chipped.  

"It looks like you clench your jaw at night," he said.  

"No way," I blurted without thinking. "No one has ever said I grind my teeth, and I sleep with a lot of people!"  

~~~

Help wanted telepath: you know where to apply

~~~

Jamie asked his dad to explain the difference between irritation, aggravation, and frustration.

His father picked up the phone and dialed a number at random. When the phone was answered, he asked, "Can I speak to Rolf, please?"

"No! There’s no one named Rolf here," replies the person who answered the phone.

The father hung up. "That, my boy, is irritation."

He picked up the phone again, dialed the same number, then asked for Rolf a second time. "No, there’s no one here called Rolf. Go away. If you call again I’m calling the cops," the person said.

The father hung up and said, "That’s aggravation."

"Then what’s frustration?" asked Jamie. The father picked up the phone and dialed the same number a third time.

"Hello, this is Rolf. Have I received any phone calls?"

~~~

If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.

~~~

"Can people predict the future with cards?" Jessica asked Danny.

"My mother can," Danny replied.

"Really?"

"Yes," Danny told her, "she takes one look at my report card and can tell me exactly what will happen when my Daddy gets home."

~~~

Did you know that the biggest sellers in the bookstores are cookbooks.

The second biggest seller is diet books about how not to eat what you’ve just learned how to cook.

~~~

A new baby, when he was still in hospital, said to the little babe lying next to him, ‘I know I am a boy!’

The other baby said, ‘What! How DO you know that??’

‘Well, it’s under the blanket; I can show you…’

‘Show me! Show me!’

‘SSST! Wait till the nurses are gone…’

A few minutes later: ‘I can show you now. Watch!’

Slowly the baby lifted up his blanket, the other baby peeking under it. ‘Can you see it?’ The first one said,

‘You see it, down there?’

‘But WHAT should I see?’

‘I’m wearing blue socks!!’

~~~

Happiness always looks small while you hold it in your hands,

but let it go, and you learn at once how big and precious it is.

Maxim Gorky

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

“If it is not right do not do it; if it is not true do not say it.”

Marcus Aurelius

Notice

To my Yahoo 360 readers. I will continue to post the Blog on 360. The only reason I have added it to Multiply is for backup and for those readers who are now only using Multiply. I still prefer 360.

Retraction

The other day I told you some guy is walking around Indianapolis looking better because of his great black leather jacket. I must report that that is not the case. The guy walking around in the jacket looks no better than I ever did, because it is me. Some really good person returned the jacket to the mall’s lost and found yesterday; they must have kept it warm in their place of business over the weekend. I am very happy!

~~~

I wish I knew who returned my jacket so I could thank them, it would have cost $400 or more to replicate what I had lost. I am glad that most people are good people and go out of their way to do the right thing. I just can’t imagine what it must be like spending time trying to get an advantage over someone else. When I find something of value I think of it as an opportunity to make a new friend. My windfall is having the opportunity to return what I have found rather than getting something that belongs to someone else. Sadly I think there are far too many people who view someone making a mistake in their favor in as good fortune instead of a test of character. I much rather subscribe to what’s in it for us rather than to selfishly spend my time on what is in it for me.

~~~

Take it easy

It’s easier to be sincere, than to pretend. It’s easier to be truthful, than to maintain deception. It’s easier to take action, than to live with regret. It’s easier to do it right, than to go back and fix it.

It’s easier to plan ahead, than to play catch up. It’s easier to achieve excellence, than to endure mediocrity. It is easier to live with purpose and direction, than it is to have others control your life.

It is easier to get the job finished now, than to come back to it later. It’s easier to work with cooperation and respect, than to scheme and fight.

It is easier to speak up, than to live with injustice. It is easier to ask and learn, than to live in ignorance.

After all is said and done, life is easier when we live it as it was meant to be lived — with purpose, honesty, effort, respect and focus.

Ralph Marston

~~~

A driver pulled up beside a rundown farmhouse. He got out and knocked at the door. An elderly woman answered the door, and he asked her for directions to Des Moines.

"Don’t know," the woman said.

He got back in his car and pulled away. Then he heard voices. He looked in his rear view mirror and saw the woman and an equally old man waving for him to come back. So he made a U-turn and drove up to them.

"This is my husband," the old woman said. "He doesn’t know how to get to Des Moines either!"

~~~

Everybody wants to do something to help, but nobody wants to be the first.

Pearl Bailey

~~~

Two paramedics are sent to check on a 92-year-old man who has become disoriented. They decide to take him to the hospital for evaluation.

While the paramedics are rushing him to the hospital with sirens blaring, one of them talks to the man to determine how aware he is.

Leaning close, the paramedic asks, "Sir, do you know what we’re doing right now?"

The old fellow slowly looks up at him, then gazes out the ambulance window.

"Oh," he replies, "I’d say about 50, maybe 55."

~~~

Take my advice, I don’t use it anyway.

~~~

A little boy is roughhousing with his dog. His mother says to him, "Now, I know you love your pup, but you’re loving him too much. How would you feel if someone huge picked you up and squeezed you so hard you couldn’t breathe?"

The boy thinks a moment. Then he says brightly, "I guess I’d feel like it was my birthday and Aunt Doreen was here."

~~~

"Tell your friend a lie. If he keeps it secret, then tell him the truth."

Portuguese Proverb

~~~

Mary was married to a male chauvinist. They both worked full time, but he never did anything around the house and certainly not any housework. That, he declared, was woman’s work.

One evening Mary arrived home from work to find the children bathed, a load of wash in the washing machine and another in the dryer, dinner on the stove and a beautifully set table, complete with flowers. She was astonished, and she immediately wanted to know what was going on. It turned out that Charley, her husband, had read a magazine article that suggested working wives would be more romantically inclined if they weren’t so tired from having to do all the housework in addition to holding down a full-time job.

The next day, she couldn’t wait to tell her friends in the office. "How did it work out?" they asked. "Well, it was a great dinner," Mary said. "Charley even cleaned up, helped the kids with their homework, folded the laundry and put everything away."

"But what about afterward?" her friends wanted to know. "It didn’t work out," Mary said. "Charley was too tired."

~~~

"You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there."

George Burns

~~~

An American attorney had just finished a guest lecture at a law school in Italy when an Italian lawyer approached him and asked, "Is it true that a person can fall down on a sidewalk in your country and then sue the landowners for lots of money?"

Told that it was true, the lawyer turned to his partner and started speaking rapidly in Italian. When they stopped, the American attorney asked if they wanted to go to America to practice law.

"No, no," one replied. "We want to go to America and fall down on sidewalks."

~~~

"The longest word in the English language is the one that follows the phrase, ‘And now a word from our sponsor’."

Hal Eaton

~~~

He loved living in Staten Island, but he wasn’t crazy about the ferry. Miss a ferry late at night, and you have to spend the next hour or so wandering the deserted streets of lower Manhattan.

So when he spotted a ferry no more than fifteen feet from the dock, he decided he wouldn’t subject himself to an hour’s wait.  He made a running leap and landed on his hands and knees, a little bruised maybe, but safe on deck.

He got up, brushed himself off, and announced proudly to a bystander, "Well, I made that one, didn’t I?"

"Sure did," the bystander said. "But you should have waited a minute or two.  The ferry is just about to dock."

~~~

If you want the last word in an argument, say, "You’re right."

~~~

Chris: I’m turning over a new leaf. I just finished reading a book called "One Hundred And One Easy Ways to Make Money."

Brian: Sounds good, then maybe people won’t think of you as being so lazy.

Chris: Right. You’re looking at a new man. I’m on my way to the top. Say, could you loan me ten dollars?

Brian: What? You just finished a book called "One Hundred And One Easy Ways to Make Money" and now you want to borrow ten dollars?

Chris: Yeah. That’s one of the easiest ways.

~~~

Character is doing the right thing when nobody’s looking.  There are too many people who think that the only thing that’s right is to get by, and the only thing that’s wrong is to get caught.

J.C. Watts

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

If you break your neck, if you have nothing to eat, if your house is on fire, then you got a problem. 

Everything else is inconvenience.

Robert Fulghum

My life is always interesting, of course I have good days and not so good days but I seldom have a bi-polar day like I did last Saturday. The morning started off great since I spent a few hours with a very special person. My friend is an accomplished business consultant who bootstrapped herself into a successful career. As an abandoned housewife she not only single handily raised three children she also worked her way through college, became a certified project manager and went on to become what she is today; smart, competent and respected in her profession. What makes her special for me is that in addition to all of that she has been so affected by the millions of children in Africa who have been orphaned because of the AIDS epidemic that she is doing something about it.

I know most of you are like me, you are pained by the tragedy that is destroying whole generations in other parts of the world. We do what we think we can and if we have the ability, we donate to organizations like UNICEF that are doing what they can to make the lives of these children better. But that was not enough for my friend, she flew to Africa, established a network of trusted leaders and came home to the U.S. to raise the money needed to build orphanages that can provide these kids a decent life through education and love. She does this as the unpaid CEO of a 501c3 charity that she formed with other concerned Indianapolis leaders.

My friend and I met at a large local shopping mall Saturday morning, while there we talked in a couple of easy chairs in a semiprivate area of the facility about her efforts. When we finished I walked away thinking that it does not get better than this, time spent with a good person doing good things. A few hours later my wife told me that she noticed that I had a flat tire. I called the Motor Club they came out and changed the tire and when I went to get a jacket to wear to the tire store I found that my favorite 200 plus dollar black glove leather jacket was gone, I had left it at the mall. My wife went to see if she could find it, it was not where I had left it nor had it been turned in to lost-and-found. Things continued down hill when I learned that the nail that I had picked up in the tire made it unrepairable so I bought a new tire even though the old one would have had had a few years of life left in it.

I am a big believer that there is something positive that can be found in negative experiences, in this case the only things I could come up with was that some guy looks a lot better this week then he did last week and the store salesmen sold another tire that may help him win a sales contest.

~~~

We have no right to ask when sorrow comes, "Why did this happen to me?" unless we ask the same question for every moment of happiness that comes our way.

Author Unknown

~~~

As you know those of us who live in the U.S. are struggling with the high cost of health care. In fact millions cannot afford insurance to help them pay for what they need when they have medical problems. I recently learned of very low cost insurance that is available to all from the Don’t Worry About it insurance company. It is a simple policy; everything is covered except pre-existing and post-existing conditions. We asked why their premiums were so low they told us it is because they have streamlined the claims processing and reduced their administrative costs to almost nothing. They do this through implementation of their policy of rejecting all claims since what ever medical attention a policy holder received had to be for either a pre or post medical condition the service was an excluded procedure.

~~~

Success is simply a matter of luck. Ask any failure.

Earl Nightingale

~~~

One morning I was called to pick up my son at the school nurse’s office. When I walked through the main entrance, I noticed a woman, curlers in her hair, wearing pajamas.  

"Why are you dressed like that?" I asked her.  

"I told my son," she explained, "that if he ever did anything to embarrass me, I would embarrass him back. He was caught cutting school. So now I’ve come to spend the day with him!"  

~~~

What did the waiter ask the group of dining Jewish mothers?

"Is anything all right?"

~~~

Agnes feels his hand rubbing her shoulder. "Oh, that feels good,” she says.

Eddie’s hand moves to her breast. Agnes says "Gee, honey, that feels wonderful.”

Eddie’s hand moves to her leg. Agnes says "Oh, honey, don’t stop.” But Eddie stops.

Agnes asks "Why did you stop?“

Eddie replies, "I found the remote.“

~~~

I am beginning to learn that it is the sweet, simple things of life which are the real ones after all.

Laura Ingalls Wilder

~~~

Mr. Shwartz goes to meet his new son-in-law to be, Sol. He says to Sol (who is very religious), "So, tell me Sol my boy what do you do?"

"I study the Torah," he replies.

"But Sol, you are going to marry my daughter, how are you going to feed and house her?"

"No problem," says Sol, "I study Torah and it says God will provide."

"But you will have children, how will you educate them?" asks Mr. Shwartz.

"No problem," says Sol, "I study Torah and it says God will provide."

Mr. Shwartz goes home and Mrs. Shwartz, his wife, anxiously asks what Sol is like.

"Well," says Mr.Shwartz, "he’s a lovely boy, I only just met him and he already thinks I’m God."

~~~

Be kind to unkind people. They need it the most.

Unknown

~~~

A psychiatrist was trying to comfort a new patient who was terribly upset. "You see, Doc," the patient explained, "my problem is that I like shoes much better than I like boots."  

"Why, that’s no problem," answered the doctor. "Most people like shoes better than boots."  

The patient was thrilled, "That’s neat, Doc! How do you like them, fried or scrambled?"  

~~~

Whenever I dwell for any length of time on my own shortcomings, they gradually begin to seem mild, harmless, rather engaging little things, not at all like the staring defects in other people’s characters.  

Margaret Halsey

~~~

The priest was preparing a man for his long day’s journey into night. Whispering firmly, the priest said, "Denounce the devil! Let him know how little you think of his evil!"

The dying man said nothing.

The priest repeated his order.

Still the dying man said nothing.

The priest asked, "Why do you refuse to denounce the devil and his evil?"

The dying man said, "Until I know where I’m heading, I don’t think I ought to aggravate anybody."

~~~

I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders.

Jewish Proverb

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

“Be curious, not judgmental.”

Walt Whitman

One of the best things that happened to me in my life was when my right to judge others was challenged at a development workshop. I left convinced that my life would get better if I quit judging others and spent time trying to understand them. I have enough bad habits that I don’t really have the right to tell others what they are doing wrong. In my personal life I have found things go much better when I can provide feedback to others on what bothers me and suggest alternatives for their consideration. I know myself well enough to know that I am often wrong so there is no way I can justify being righteous. I know if everyone behaved exactly as I do and we were all the same we would be in deep trouble as well as ending up being bored to death.

Here is something I found on Zenhabits.net that I think is worth our consideration.

Don’t pass judgment. If you find yourself being judgmental, stop yourself. This takes a greater awareness than we usually have, so the first step (and an important one) is to observe your thoughts for a few days, trying to notice when you’re being judgmental. This can be a difficult step. Remind yourself to observe. Once you’re more aware, you can then stop yourself when you feel yourself being judgmental. Then move to the next step.

Understand. Instead of judging someone for what he’s done or how he looks, try instead to understand the person. Put yourself in their shoes. Try to imagine their background. If possible, talk to them. Find out their back story. Everyone has one. If not, try to imagine the circumstances that might have led to the person acting or looking like they do.

Accept. Once you begin to understand, or at least think you kind of understand, try to accept. Accept that person for who he is, without trying to change him. Accept that he will act the way he does, without wanting him to change. The world is what it is, and as much as you try, you can only change a little bit of it. It will continue to be as it is long after you’re gone. Accept that, because otherwise, you’re in for a world of frustration.

Love. Once you’ve accepted someone for who he is, try to love him. Even if you don’t know him. Even if you’ve hated him in the past. Love him as a brother, or love her as a sister, no matter who they are, old or young, light skinned or dark, male or female, rich or poor.

What good will loving someone do? Your love will likely only be limited. But it could have an affect on two people: yourself, and possibly on the person you’ve found love for. Loving others will serve to make yourself happier. Trust me on this one. And loving others can change the lives of others, if you choose to express that love and take action on it. I can’t guarantee what will happen, but it can be life-changing.

~~~

“I am grateful that I am not as judgmental as all those censorious, self-righteous people around me.”

Anonymous

~~~

A very elderly gentleman, (mid nineties) very well dressed, hair well groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel smelling slightly of a good after shave, presenting a well-looked-after image, walks into an upscale cocktail lounge.

Seated at the bar is an attractive, elderly lady, (mid eighties).

The gentleman walks over, sits along side of her, orders a drink, takes a sip, turns to her and says, "So tell me, do I come here often?"

~~~

Life is short, make fun of it.

~~~

Many of us [those over 40, WAY over 40, or hovering near 40] are quite confused about how we should present ourselves. We are unsure about the kind of image we are projecting and whether or not we are correct as we try to conform to current fashions. Despite what you may have seen, the following combinations DO NOT go together and should be avoided:  

1. A nose ring and bifocals  

2. Spiked hair and bald spots  

3. A pierced tongue and dentures  

4. Miniskirt and support hose  

5. Ankle bracelet and corn pads  

6. Speedo’s and cellulite  

7. A belly ring and a gall bladder scar  

8. Unbuttoned disco shirt and a heart monitor  

9. Midriff shirt and a midriff bulge  

10. Bikinis and liver spots  

11. Short shorts and varicose veins  

12. Inline skates and a walker  

Please keep these basic guidelines foremost in your mind when you shop!  

~~~

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

~~~

I watched an ant climb a blade of grass this morning. When he reached the top, his weight bent the blade down to the ground. Then, twisting his thorax with insectile precision, he grabbed a hold of the next blade.  

In this manner, he traveled across the lawn, covering as much distance vertically as he did horizontally, which both amused and delighted me.  

And then, all at once, I had what is sometimes called an "epiphany"; a moment of heightened awareness in which everything becomes crystal clear.  

Yes, hunched over that ant on my hands and knees, I suddenly knew what I had to do… Quit drinking before noon.

~~~

The secret of getting ahead is getting started.

Sally Berger

~~~

The current scandals over how large companies have been cooking the books reminds me of a basic accounting course I took years ago. The professor was explaining an accounting method called First In Last Out, which is useful for industries that accumulate large inventories of stuff. It explains why the oil industry, for example, reported huge profits during the 1970’s when the oil shortage occurred. They stopped buying oil, so they had to use oil that, on paper, had been purchased in the 1930’s at 20¢ a barrel. They of course sold it at current market prices, which accounted for their huge profits.  

One of the students put up his hand and said, "Excuse me, sir, but that doesn’t sound very ethical to me."  

To which the professor replied, "You’re in the wrong class, son, this is Accounting 101. Ethics 101 is down the hall."  

~~~

"I’ve given up reading books. I find it takes my mind off of myself."

Oscar Levant

~~~

A priest, a Pentecostal preacher, anda Rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of the University of Montana in Missoula. They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop.  

One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn’t really all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it.  

Seven days later they’re all together to discuss the experience.  

Father Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has various bandages, goes first. "Well," he says, "I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy God, he became as gentle a lamb. The bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation."  

Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, with an arm and both legs in casts, and an IV drip. In his best fire and brimstone oratory he claimed, "WELL brothers, you KNOW that we don’t sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God’s HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quick DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became

as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising The Lord."  

They both looked down at the rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IV’s and monitors running in and out of him. He was in bad shape. The rabbi looks up and says, "Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start."  

~~~

When you blame others, you give up your power to change.

Dr. Robert Anthony

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

"Live life fully while you’re here. Experience everything. Take care of yourself and your friends. Have fun, be crazy, be weird. Go out and screw up! You’re going to anyway, so you might as well enjoy the process. Take the opportunity to learn from your mistakes: find the cause of your problem and eliminate it. Don’t try to be perfect; just be an excellent example of being human." 

Anthony Robbins

I like what Robbins’ has to say, especially the “have fun, be crazy, and be weird" part. Of course in my case that is not too hard as I have natural tendencies that way. I know we have talked about it before but it is important to understand that if the pursuit of perfection takes the fun out of life it just is not worth doing. My worst days become so much better when I can overwhelm my aches and pains by my foolishness. So come on, quit taking everything so seriously, put on your clown nose and come out and play with me.

I use to get daily e-mail from Marie-Pier Charron, a special lady in Canada that gave me great advice. Here is some of what she once told me:

* Choose and INTEND to enjoy yourself more, then give your resolution concrete anchors (for example, you could wear a colorful ring – symbolically – to remind yourself of your intention. Or another idea is to hang on your wall a picture of a playful dolphin).

* Be proactive! Realize that FUN is an unlimited resource, and you can create as much of it as you want. So make a list of at least 20 activities or experiences that delight you, and incorporate as many of them into your day as possible this week. If you’ve forgotten what brings you joy, ask yourself “If I was forced to find something I really really enjoy doing, what would it be?” Because in reality, you haven’t forgotten anything; you simply haven’t let yourself think about it long enough to find an answer. So brainstorm ideas for 15 minutes, and I promise you’ll find some great ones (tip: remember what you enjoyed doing when you were a kid…)

* Open your senses! Feel the sun, the rain and the wind on your skin, taste the sweet juice of the apple you’re eating, take in the beauty of what surrounds you… Having fun is not only about doing more, but also about living the present moment more intensely, sensuously. Simple things become extraordinary when we SAVOR them. That requires discipline… and that’s why your anchors are important. 

* The most pleasurable things often are the most accessible (like playing with your kids, for example). That being said, it’s great to be creative and find new ways to have fun. 

You can take the country road instead of the highway. You can organize thematic evenings with your kids (Hawaiian, Mexican, etc). You can get out of your home office and work outside, on your patio. You can try new activities (different sports, art classes, etc). There are so many possibilities… we just have to think about it (tip: look for tourist information in your area… that’ll inspire you)

Imagine what your life will be like when it’s filled with your FAVORITE THINGS.

~~~

“One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure its worth watching.”

~~~

More that I learned from the movies:

Once applied, lipstick will never rub off — even while scuba diving.

One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at one.

Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch-enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gases, lasers and man eating sharks that will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.

Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.

Stripping to the waist can make a man invulnerable to bullets.

Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment.

The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.

The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.

~~~

If the shoe fits, get another one just like it!

~~~

"I think that’s how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York said, ‘Gee, I’m enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn’t cold enough. Let’s go west.’

Richard Jennie

~~~

A woman reported the disappearance of her husband to the police.

The officer looked at the guy’s photograph, questioned her, and then asked if she wanted to give her husband any message if they found him.

‘Yes, please’ she replied. ‘Tell him Mother didn’t come after all.’

~~~

Character is like a fence – it cannot be strengthened by whitewash.

~~~

"The Aging Experience"

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we’re kids? If you’re less than 10 years old, you’re so excited about aging that you think in fractions. How old are you? "I’m four and a half!" You’re never thirty-six and a half. You’re four and a half… going on five!

That’s the key. You get into your teens, now they can’t hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead. How old are you? "I’m gonna be 16!" You could be 13, but hey, you’re ‘gonna’ be 16!

And then the greatest day of your life… you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony… YOU BECOME 21….YESSSSSS!!!

But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Make you sound like bad milk. He TURNED, we had to throw him out. There’s no fun now, you’re just a sourpuss.

What’s wrong? What’s changed? You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you’re PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the breaks, it’s all slipping away. Before you know it, your REACH 50… and your dreams are gone.

But wait, you MAKE it to 60. You didn’t think you would! So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60. You’ve built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it’s a day-by- day thing; you HIT Wednesday, you get into your 80s and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime. My grandmother won’t even buy green bananas! It’s an investment, you know, and maybe a bad one!!

And it doesn’t end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards; "I was just 92." Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. "I’m 100 and a half!"

~~~

If at first we don’t succeed, we run the risk of failure.

~~~

Worried that his son was spending too much money on dates, a Father asked the boy how much his last date had cost.

The son calculated a minute then replied, "Oh, about $15 or so I think."

"Well," said the Father, "I’m proud of you for finally coming up with an inexpensive evening."

"To be honest Dad," the son went on, "we’d have done more, but that was all the money she had."

~~~

"No one has yet realized the wealth of sympathy, kindness and generosity hidden in the soul of a child. The effort of every true education should be to unlock that treasure."

Emma Goldman

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

If we could see the miracle of a single flower clearly, our whole life would change.

Buddha

As you know I really like living in Indianapolis. I like the people, the city, the reasonable housing, the neighborhoods, the sports, the culture, and even most of the time, the weather. Today I had the good fortune sit in on a lecture that a friend of mine made to a group of my fellow citizens. As a prelude to his talk he asked the audience what they liked about our city. They suggested many of the same virtues that I like with all agreeing that it is our friendliness and willing to share our good fortune with that is our greatest asset, the people who live here.

My friend went on to talk about our virtues and about how we could make things even better. He told us how importantwhat we did would be to our future economic development. He said, and we all agreed that it is the people who choose to live here that make us what we are and if we wish to continue to thrive in the months and years ahead we need to make sure we have a city that will attract and retain the best and brightest people to live here as well. He told us how the young people of today enjoy open areas, places for urban recreation, cultural opportunity, good restaurants, and so on. Of course I know he is right but I started to worry about our focus and motivation for investing in the kind of greenways, plazas, and people friendly urban areas that hold so much promise.

I asked myself if we really want to spend what is needed because it will make us more attractive to others? It was then I realized I was thinking about it wrong. We can make our city an even better place not for others but for ourselves. We can stroll people friendly avenues, dine with friends at sidewalk cafés, enjoy public art, take pleasure in street entertainment, and provide urban settings that are attractive to all of those near and dear to us. We do not need an excuse to build a better Indianapolis for us to enjoy. And when we have built it for ourselves to enjoy and love it will be there for others to come and share it with us. It is people in the end that make a community, and when good people have a place to enjoy each other, others will want to join us, and you know what, they will be the best and brightest for they will have been smart enough to see all we have to offer.

~~~

Our goal is to help active citizen groups transform underused spaces into high quality community amenities. These public places include parks and public plazas, historic business districts and cultural districts, and the greenways and pedestrian/bike trails that connect them. Communities may already be using beautification and development programs, public art, or festivals to enhance their public places.

Central Indiana Community Foundation

~~~

Speedy Morris was the basketball coach at LaSalle and they were having a pretty good season. One morning, he was shaving and the phone rang. His wife answered it and called out to him that Sports Illustrated wanted to talk to him.

Coach Morris was excited that his team was apparently about to receive national recognition in this famous sports magazine. As a matter of fact, he was so excited that he cut himself with his razor.

Covered with blood and shaving lather and running downstairs to the phone, he tripped and fell down the stairs. Finally, bleeding and bruised, he made it to the phone and breathlessly said, "Hello"?

The voice on the other end asked, "Is this Speedy Morris"?

"Yes, yes!" he replied excitedly.

Then the voice continued, "Mr. Morris, for just seventy-five cents an issue, we can give you a one-year subscription to Sports Illustrated."

~~~

Learn to write your hurts in sand; learn to carve your blessings in stone.

Unknown

~~~

One day, there was a blind man sitting on the steps of a building with a hat by his feet and a sign that read: "I am blind, please help."  

A man was walking by and stopped to observe. He saw that the blind man had only a few coins in his hat. He dropped in some money and, without asking for permission, took the sign and rewrote it.  

He returned the sign to the blind man and left. That afternoon the man returned to the blind man and noticed that his hat was full of bills and coins.  

The blind man recognized his footsteps and asked if it was he who had rewritten his sign and wanted to know what he had written on it.  

The man responded, "Only the truth. I just wrote the message a little differently." He smiled and went on his way.  

The new sign read: "Today is Autumn and I cannot see it."  

~~~

The only difference between stumbling blocks and steppingstones is the way in which we use them.

Unknown

~~~

Growing up as a kid, I learned all about capitalism through the board game Monopoly. I mean, what better way to teach a young mind the way our economy functions. I loved this game and still do. Only now, as an adult I have some questions that remain unanswered.  

For instance, if I have all this money and own all this real estate…why am I still driving around in a thimble?  

~~~

The most damaging phrase in the language is: ‘It’s always been done that way.’

Grace Murray Hopper

~~~

A fisherman from the city was out fishing on a lake in a small boat. He noticed another man in a small boat open his tackle box and take out a mirror. Being curious, the man rowed over and asked, "What is the mirror for"?

"That’s my secret way to catch fish," said the other man. "Shine the mirror on the top of the water. The fish notice the spot of sun on the water above and they swim to the surface. Then I just reach down and net them and pull them into the boat."

"Wow! Does that really work"?

"You bet it does."

"Would you be interested in selling that mirror? I’ll give you $30 for it."

"Well, okay."

After the money was transferred, the city fisherman asked, "By the way, how many fish have you caught this week"?

"You’re the sixth," he said.

~~~

"I’m very, very jealous. Sometimes I walk down the street and I see a beautiful woman and I think to myself: "I’ll bet my boyfriend would like to sleep with her" and I get SO ANGRY. I run right home and smack him, and say "How much more of this do you think I can take?"  

Denise Munro

~~~

The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.

Eleanor Roosevelt

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

Wherever you go, no matter what the weather, always bring your own sunshine.

Anthony J. D’Angelo

I got through my CAT scan today. The only problem they had was finding a vein they could use for the infusion of the dye used to get contrast on the scan readouts. They sent out for a “boy is she good at sticking people” nurse and she got it done. Other than weekly blood tests I am done with the big stuff until November 8^th, yippee!!

The combination of rising very early to go to the hospital this morning and staying up watching the Indianapolis Colts football game last night I am brain dead. So, yep you’re right, I am reprinting an old Daily. When I become the new me I promise not to do that too often.

~~~

Reprinted from the October 23, 2001 Daily

I was thinking while I was in Florida about how fortunate I am that my three children, their spouses, and my seven grandchildren live nearby. I have so many friends that have one or more of the children in some other part of the country or even the world. I like you, love them all. But do you know what is really special? I also really like them all as well.

~~~

Nine-tenths of wisdom is appreciation. Go find somebody’s hand and squeeze it, while there’s time.

Dale Dauten

~~~

"Horoscopes For Your Job Position…"

1) MARKETING:  You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree to avoid having to study in college, concentrating instead on drinking and socializing which is pretty much what your job responsibilities are now. Least compatible with Sales.

2) SALES:  Laziest of all signs, often referred to as "marketing without a degree." You are also self centered and paranoid. Unless someone calls you and begs you to take their money, you like to avoid contact with customers so you can "concentrate on the big picture." You seek admiration for your golf game throughout your life.

3) TECHNOLOGY:  Unable to control anything in your personal life, you are instead content to completely control everything that happens at your workplace. Often even YOU don’t understand what you are saying but who the heck can tell. It is written that Geeks shall inherit the Earth.

4) ENGINEERING:  One of only two signs that actually studied in school. It is said that ninety percent of all Personal Ads are placed by engineers. You can be happy with yourself; your office is full of all the latest "ergodynamic" gadgets. However, we all know what is really causing your "carpal tunnel syndrome."

5) ACCOUNTING:  The only other sign that studied in school. You are mostly immune from office politics. You are the most feared person in the organization; combined with your extreme organizational traits, the majority of rumors concerning you say that you are completely insane. Oh, and usually the first to be incarcerated.

6) HUMAN RESOURCES:  Ironically, given your access to confidential information, you tend to be the biggest gossip within the organization. Possibly the only other person that does less work than marketing, you are unable to return any calls today because you have to get a haircut, have lunch AND then mail a letter.

7) MANAGEMENT/MIDDLE MANAGEMENT:  Catty, cut-throat, yet completely spineless, you are destined to remain at your current job for the rest of your life. Unable to make a single decision you tend to measure your worth by the number of meetings you can schedule for yourself. Best suited to marry other "Middle Managers" as everyone in you social circle is a "Middle Manager."

8) SENIOR MANAGEMENT:  See above – Same sign, different title.

9) CUSTOMER SERVICE:  Bright, cheery, positive, you are a fifty cent cab ride from taking your own life. As children very few of you asked your parents for a little cubicle for your room and a headset so you could pretend to play "Customer Service." Continually passed over for promotions, your best bet is to sleep with your manager.

10) CONSULTANT:  Lacking any specific knowledge, you use acronyms to avoid revealing your utter lack of experience.  You have convinced yourself that your "skills" are in demand, and that you could get a higher paying job with any other organization in a heartbeat. You will spend an eternity contemplating these career opportunities without ever taking direct action.

11) RECRUITER, "HEADHUNTER":  As a "person" that profits from the success of others, you are disdained by most people who actually work for a living. Paid on commission and susceptible to alcoholism, your ulcers and frequent heart attacks correspond directly with fluctuations in the stock market.

12) PARTNER, PRESIDENT, CEO:  You are brilliant or lucky.  Your inability to figure out complex systems such as the fax machine suggest the latter.

~~~

Our lives would run a lot more smoothly if second thoughts came first.

~~~

An insurance salesman was trying to persuade a housewife that she should take out life insurance. "Suppose your husband were to die," he said, "What would you get?"

The housewife thought for a while, and then said, "Oh, a parrot, I think.  Then the house wouldn’t seem so quiet."

~~~

I am in shape! ..Round is a shape.

~~~

Two hunters got a pilot to fly them into the far north for elk hunting.

They were quite successful in their venture, and bagged six big bucks. The pilot came back as arranged to pick them up.

They started loading their gear into the plane, including the six elk. But the pilot objected.  "The plane can take out only four of your elk; you will have to leave two behind," he stated.

They argued with him; the year before the had shot six and the pilot had allowed them to put all aboard, and the plane was just the same model and capacity as this.

Reluctantly the pilot finally permitted them to put all six aboard.

But when they attempted to take off and leave the valley where they were, the little plane could not make it, and they crashed in the wilderness.

Climbing out of the wreckage, one hunter said to the other, "Do you know where we are?"

"I think so," replied the other hunter.  "I think this is about the same place where the plane crashed last year."

~~~

I married my wife for her looks. But not the ones she’s been giving me lately!

~~~

"Oh, Laura!" cried her neighbor, "I’m so very sorry to hear about the loss of your husband.  He was such a wonderful man.  I’m sure he left you well provided for, didn’t he?"

Laura dabbed at her eyes and muttered, "Yes, he was a very caring husband and he left me almost half a million dollars in his will.  I miss him so much that I’d give fifty thousand just to have him back!"

~~~

No one ever says "It’s only a game," when their team is winning.

~~~

A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean.  The audience would be different each

week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same  tricks over and over again.

There was only one problem:  The captain’s parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick.  Once he understood he started shouting in the middle of the show:

"Look, it’s not the same hat."

"Look, he is hiding the flowers under the table."

"Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?"

The magician was furious but couldn’t do anything; it was, after all, the captain’s parrot.

One day the ship had an accident and sank.  The magician found himself on a piece of wood in the middle of the ocean with the parrot, of course.

They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day and another and another.

After a week the parrot said:  "OK, I give up.  Where’s the boat?"

~~~

Friendship is the only cement that will ever hold the world together.

Woodrow Wilson

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

“There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something better tomorrow”

Orison Swett Marden

I really like the Marden quote. I am a big believer in always expecting the best because almost always things do turn out that way. I am sure I have told you before that I don’t worry until it is too late. When things turn out well, as they usually do, I will not have been bogged down in worry. If per chance something does not go well it can be dealt with when it happens. Of course I do believe that I should do what I can to keep the odds in my favor as an example I quit smoking many years ago and I am sure that made a difference in my recent test results.

While I am not racing or even walking fast today I am pleased to report that my Cardiac Cath procedure indicated that I do not have any significant blockage and will not need a bypass or angioplasty. I do have a lot of bruising and discomfort from the incision and the procedure but it is not bad. I again was pleased with the medical team, nice people but I would prefer to meet them socially and not professionally. I was especially pleased that the operating room nurses were so self controlled. The only thing covered just prior to the procedure was my feet and not one of them pointed and laughed. We’ll see if the nurses on November 8^th are equally as kind since that operation will be even more revealing.

This week should be pretty good as there will be no cutting on my body. Tomorrow I get a CAT scan which just runs me into a tube and Wednesday they will only draw a little blood. Isn’t life grand?

I am still limiting myself to about one outside activity a day since I am still moving slow, but soon I will again be jumping over tall buildings and more. I hope all of you will have remained close enough that I can catch back up when that happens.

~~~

“I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor’s office was full of portraits by Picasso.”

Rita Rudner

~~~

Things You Wouldn’t Know Without Help From the Movies

1. Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper cuttings – especially if any of their family or friends has died in a strange boating accident.  

2. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick’s Day parade at any time of the year.  

3. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involved martial arts – your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessor.  

4. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.  

5. It’s easy for anyone to land a plane, providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.  

6. Cars and trucks that crash will almost always burst into flames.  

7. The ventilation system of any building is a perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building without difficulty.  

8. All single women have a cat.  

9. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.  

10. When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.  

11. Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning, even though the husband and children never have time to eat them  

12. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.  

13. During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.  

14. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.  

15. It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.  

16. Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.  

17. If there is a deranged killer on the loose, this will coincide with a thunderstorm that has brought down all the power and phone lines in the vicinity

18. If a killer is lurking in your house, it’s easy to find him. Just relax and run a bath.  

19. Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.  

~~~

"Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not; a sense of humor to console him for what he is."  

Sir Francis Bacon

~~~

A prospective juror in a Dallas District Court was surprised by the definition of voluntary manslaughter given the panel: "An intentional killing that occurs while the defendant is under the immediate influence of sudden passion arising from an adequate cause, such as when a spouse’s mate is found in a ‘compromising position.’"  

"See, I have a problem with that passion business," responded the jury candidate. "During my first marriage, I came in and found my husband in bed with my neighbor. All I did was divorce him. I had no idea that I could have shot him." She wasn’t selected for the jury.  

~~~

If you spend your whole life waiting for the storm, you’ll never enjoy the sunshine.

Morris West

~~~

Yeshiva University decided to field a rowing team. Unfortunately, they lose race after race. Even though they practice and practice for hours everyday, they never manage to come in any better than dead last.

Finally, the team decides to send Morris Fishbein, its captain, to spy on Harvard, the perennial championship team. So Morris schlepps off to Cambridge and hides in the bushes next to the Charles River, where he carefully watches the Harvard team at its daily practices.

After a week, Morris returns to Yeshiva. "Well, I figured out their secret," he announces.

"What? Tell us! Tell us!" his teammates shout.

"We should have only one guy yelling. The other eight should row."

~~~

The badness of a movie is directly proportional to the number of helicopters in it.

~~~

"I know the country has been mired in deficit spending and it’s been terrible burden on the country in terms of interest payments. Good news today out of Washington. They have raised the limit of debt we can go to to $9 trillion. 

It sends a great message to the kids: Hey, are you getting an F? Don’t study harder, make the grading curve go out to K. Then your F looks like a C."

Jon Stewart

~~~

"If parents would only realize how they bore their children."

George Bernard Shaw

~~~

I was sitting in the foyer of a bank when a young man walked by, and then stopped for a moment on his way out. I noticed that one of the latches on his overstuffed briefcase was unfastened, putting strain on the remaining latch.  

"You’re going to lose the contents of your briefcase," I warned him.  

Just then the case burst open. He stared at me with something akin to fear in his eyes as he gasped, "How on earth did you do that?"  

~~~

You are not happy because you are well. You are well because you are happy. You are not depressed because trouble has come to you, but trouble has come to you because you are depressed. You can change your thoughts and feelings and then the outer things will come to correspond. Indeed, there is no other way of working.

Emmet Fox

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

“The world is not dangerous because of those who do harm but because of those who look at it without doing anything”

Albert Einstein

Hi everyone. It has been a full day so I will be using some material from the October 18, 2002 Daily today. While I have been busy it has been a good day. I made a new friend who is leading the effort to build an orphanage for African children who have lost their parents due to the AIDS epidemic. I am going to do all I can to help her by putting her in contact with people and organizations that will appreciate what she is doing.

As you know I am amazed how far flung our readership has become. The latest example was I an unsolicited subscription request from a new reader in China. Someday I would like to inventory where our readers are from and put together a map. Our readers are on every continent, I think they stay subscribed because they hope I’ll get it right someday.

Don’t forget there will be no daily tomorrow since I will be spending the day in the hospital observing the Doctors looking into my heart.

~~~

"Blessed is the person who can enjoy the small things, the common beauties, the little day-to-day events, sunshine on the fields, birds on the bough, breakfast, dinner, supper, the daily paper on the porch, a friend passing by. So many people who go a field for enjoyment leave it behind them at home."

David Grayson

~~~

The son of a financier bursts into his father’s office and says, "Dad, lend me $5,000."

"What for?" his father asks.

"I’ve got a sure tip on the market."

"How much could we make?" his father asks.

"I’d say at least $2,000 — that’s $1,000 for each of us."

"OK, son. Here’s $1,000," his father said. "Let’s consider that we have made the deal and it has succeeded. You make $1,000 and I save $4,000."

~~~

"Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow."

Don Herold

~~~

Two girls board a crowded bus and one of them whispers to the other, "Watch me embarrass a man into giving me his seat."

Pushing her way through the crowd, she turned all of her charms upon a gentleman who looked like he might embarrass easily.  "My dear Mr. Wilson," she gushed, "fancy meeting you here on the bus.  Am I glad to see you! Why you’re almost a stranger.  My, but I’m tired!"

The sedate gent looked up at the girl.  He had never seen her before but he rose and said pleasantly, "Sit down, Mary, my girl.  It isn’t often I see you on washday.  No wonder you’re tired.  Being pregnant isn’t easy.  By the way, don’t deliver the wash until Thursday.  My wife is going to the District Attorney’s office to see whether or not she can get your husband out of jail."

~~~

"When there is a hill to climb, don’t think that waiting will make it smaller."

~~~

One day at kindergarten, the teacher says to the class of five-year-olds, "I’ll give $2 to the child who can tell me who the most famous man who ever lived was."

An Irish boy raised his hand and said, "Please, Miss, it was St. Patrick." The teacher said, "Sorry, Sean, that’s not correct."

Then a Scottish boy put his hand up and said, "Please, Miss, it was St. Andrew." The teacher replied, "I’m sorry, Hamish, that’s not right either."

Finally, a Jewish boy, Adam, raised his hand and said, "Please, Miss, it was Jesus Christ."

The teacher said, "That’s absolutely right, Adam.  Come up here, and I’ll give you your $2."

As the teacher was giving Adam his money, she said, "You know, Adam, you being Jewish, I was very surprised you said Jesus Christ." "I know, Miss," Adam replied, "in my heart I knew it was Moses, but business is business."

~~~

"Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy, fat women."

Marion Smith

~~~

A lovely young couple is doing some shopping in town. Having purchased everything they need, they return to the parking lot to drive home. Where’s the car? Good golly, someone has stolen it! They notify the police from a phone booth inside the mall and make a report at the Police station. A young detective drives them back to see if any evidence remains from the scene of the crime. But, what do you know, there is the stolen car, back in the exact spot! A note is on the windshield with two tickets to a concert attached. The note thanks the young couple for the use of their car, but the culprit’s wife was about to give birth and had to be rushed to the hospital. The young couple’s faith in humanity is restored and they go to the concert and have a wonderful time.

They arrive home late that night to find their entire house robbed, with a note on the door reading, "Well, I gotta put the kid through college, don’t I?"

~~~

"To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing."

Elbert Hubbard

~~~

New Age corporate and investment acronyms…

!CEO: chief embezzlement officer.

!CFO: corporate fraud officer.

!P/E: parole entitlement.

!EPS: eventual prison sentence.

!BULL MARKET: A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

!BEAR MARKET: A 6 to 18-month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

!MOMENTUM INVESTING: The fine art of buying high and selling low.

!VALUE INVESTING: The art of buying low and selling lower

!P/E RATIO: The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

!BUY, BUY: A flight attendant making market recommendations as you step off the plane.

!STANDARD & POOR: Your life in a nutshell.

!STOCK ANALYST: Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

!FINANCIAL PLANNER: A guy who actually remembers his wallet when he runs to the 7-11 for toilet paper and cigarettes.

!MARKET CORRECTION: The day after you buy stocks.

!CASH FLOW: The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

!WINDOWS 2000: What you jump out of when you’re the sucker that bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

!INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR: Someone who has owned equities for the last two years and who’s now locked up long-term in a hospital.

!PROFIT: Religious guy who talks to God.

~~~

I honor my personality flaws, for without them I would have no personality at all.

~~~

NASA planned a mission that involved three astronauts spending two years in space.  Because of the extended duration, each was allowed to take 200 pounds of baggage, with no restrictions.

The first astronaut decided to take along his wife, the second decided to take along books to learn how to speak German, while the third astronaut decided to take along cigarettes.

Two years later, when the space shuttle landed, there was a big crowd waiting to welcome them home.

First came the first astronaut and his wife and each of them had a baby in their arms.

Next, out came the second astronaut speaking fluent German.

They both gave their speeches and got a rousing applause.

Suddenly out came the third astronaut with a cigarette in his mouth.

He walked up to the podium and snarled to the crowd and asked, "Anyone got a light?"

~~~

"The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook."

William James

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.