Ray's musings and humor

Happy Holidays

Ray’s Daily

December 21, 2022

http://rays-daily.com

“A joy that is shared is a joy made double.”

John Roy

Ray’s Daily first published on December 21, 2004

As you look to finish selecting the rest of your holiday gifts you might want to consider these from an unknown author.

To your enemy, forgiveness.

To an opponent, tolerance.

To a friend, your heart.

To every child, a good example.

To all, charity.

To yourself, respect.

I often wonder why when we have so much to give we miss so many chances to make someone happy. When we do we also benefit, for when we give forgiveness we unload our anger, when we are tolerant we no longer search for flaws, when we give our hearts to friends we let them know the joy the bring into our lives, when we are good examples we sow the seeds of goodness in the generations to come, when we are charitable we are rewarded by reinforcing our humanity, and when all is said and done we end our day by respecting ourselves.

~~~

In recognizing the humanity of our fellow beings, we pay ourselves the highest tribute.

Thurgood Marshall

~~~

History from Wendy: For those who never saw the Burma Shave signs, here is a quick lesson in our history of the 1930’s and ’40’s. Before the Interstates, when everyone drove the old 2 lane roads, Burma Shave signs would be posted all over the countryside in farmers’ fields. They were small red signs with white letters. Five signs, about 100 feet apart, each containing 1 line of a 4 line couplet……and the obligatory 5th sign advertising Burma Shave, a popular shaving cream.

DON’T LOSE YOUR HEAD

TO GAIN A MINUTE

YOU NEED YOUR HEAD

YOUR BRAINS ARE IN IT

Burma Shave

DROVE TOO LONG

DRIVER SNOOZING

WHAT HAPPENED NEXT

IS NOT AMUSING

Burma Shave

BROTHER SPEEDER

LET’S REHEARSE

ALL TOGETHER

GOOD MORNING NURSE

Burma Shave

BY CAUTIOUS RIDER

TO HER RECKLESS DEAR

LET’S HAVE LESS BULL

AND MORE STEER

Burma Shave

SPEED WAS HIGH

WEATHER WAS NOT

TIRES WERE THIN

X MARKS THE SPOT

Burma Shave

~~~

The worst thing about accidents in the kitchen is eating them.

~~~

The boyfriend said, “We’re going to have a GREAT time Saturday.  I’ve gotten three tickets for the big game.”

“Why do we need three?” asked the girl.

“They’re for your Father, Mother, and kid sister.” he replied.

~~~

I got my IQ test results back, they were negative.

~~~

The officer pulled me over for speeding.  I explained that I was rushing home to be with my wife on our first anniversary.

But rather than letting me off, he wrote out the ticket, handed it to me, and said, “Congratulations.  The first year is paper, right?”

~~~

When you learn not to want things so badly, life comes to you.

Jessica Lange

~~~

*A Man’s Guide to What A Woman Is Really Saying*

I JUST NEED SOME SPACE…..  without you in it.

DO I LOOK FAT IN THIS DRESS?… we haven’t had a fight in a while.

NO, PIZZA’S FINE…..  you cheap slob!

I JUST DON’T WANT A BOYFRIEND NOW…. I just don’t want you as a boyfriend now.

I DON’T KNOW, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?… I can’t believe you have nothing planned.

I LIKE YOU, BUT…… I don’t like you.

YOU NEVER LISTEN…. you never listen.

I’LL BE READY IN A MINUTE…. I’m ready, but I’m going to make you wait because I know you will.

OH, NO, I’LL PAY FOR MYSELF…. I’m just being nice; there’s no way I’m going dutch!!

~~~

Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.

~~~

A little son of a Baptist minister was in church one morning when he saw for the first time the rite of baptism by immersion. He was greatly interested in it, and the next morning proceeded to baptize his three cats in the bathtub.

The first kitten bore it very well, and so did the young cat, but the old family cat rebelled. It struggled with him, clawed and tore him, and got away.

With considerable effort he caught it again and proceeded with the ceremony. But she acted worse than ever, clawed at him, spit, and scratched his hands and face.

Finally, after barely getting her splattered with water, he dropped her on the floor in disgust and said: “Fine, be an Atheist.”

~~~

Father grumbling to his two boys as he reluctantly gets ready for an evening out:  “Other kids make their mothers too tired to want to go out — but not you two.”

~~~

Those of us who worked at the front desk of a convention hotel in Houston, Texas prided ourselves on making the guests feel special. When someone arrived at reception, credit card in hand, we would sneak a quick peek at it and address him by name.

Once, during a check-in, one of our guests presented a corporate credit card. “Welcome to Houston, Mr. Bell,” the desk clerk said.

“Oh, please,” the man replied, “call me Taco.”

~~~

On my first day of school my parents dropped me off at the wrong nursery. There I was…surrounded by trees and bushes.

~~~

Forgiveness does not change the past,

But it does enlarge the future.

Paul Boese

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

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Comments on: "Happy Holidays" (1)

  1. and to you and yours, ross

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