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Kindness

Ray’s Daily

November 22, 2022

http://rays-daily.com

“Kindness can become its own motive. We are made kind by being kind.”

Eric Hoffer

We are a few days away from our Thanksgiving holiday and it is a great time for us to share our gratitude through our kindness. Here are a few things that will help us show we care.

Random Acts Of Kindness Ideas

  • Genuinely compliment strangers
  • Volunteer
  • Remind an adult how to be a kid
  • Only say positive and constructive things online
  • Let someone in line in front of you
  • Hold the door open for someone
  • Go to events that are important to friends, even if they aren’t your cup of tea
  • Be kind and make eye contact with cashiers, toll booth operators, etc.
  • Don’t judge or discriminate
  • Intervene if someone needs help
  • Be positive, offer encouragement and support

~~~

“You cannot do kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

~~~

Every once in a while the world opens up and lets heaven shine through…

We open up our senses and realize just how wonderful the simple things are and just how beautiful nature can be:

Sunshine on an early spring morning…A beautiful sunset…A song that brings back memories…

Moonlight over the water…The smell of fresh flowers after a rain…A snowy egret skimming across a pond…

The laughter of people having fun…

A peaceful stream and a gentle waterfall…

All of these things make me love life and feel good,

And the same is true when I think of you.

~~~

What an automated society we live in: Have you ever noticed that when a traffic signal turns green, it automatically activates the horn of the car behind you?

~~~

Murphy’s Laws of Genealogy

1. The public ceremony in which your distinguished ancestor participated and at which the platform collapsed under him turned out to be his hanging.

2. When at last after much hard work you have evolved the mystery that you have been working on for two years, your aunt says, “I could have told you that.”

3. You search ten years for your grandmother’s maiden name to eventually find it on a letter in a box in the attic.

4. You never asked your father about his family when he was alive because you weren’t interested in genealogy then.

5. The will you need is in the safe on board the Titanic.

6. Copies of old newspapers have holes occurring only on the surnames.

7. John, son of Thomas the immigrant whom your relatives claim as the family progenitor, died on board ship at the age of 10.

8. Your great grandfather’s newspaper obituary states that he died leaving no issue of record.

9. Another genealogist has just insulted the keeper of the vital records you need.

10. The relative who had all the family photographs gave them all to her daughter who has no interest in genealogy and no inclination to share.

~~~

“A life lived with integrity – even if it lacks the trappings of fame and fortune is a shinning star in whose light others may follow in the years to come.”

Denis Waitley

~~~

“No need for me to come out to the house,” the doctor told the worried caller. “I’ve checked my files and your uncle isn’t really ill at all – he just thinks he’s sick.”

A week later, the doctor telephoned to make sure his diagnosis had been correct. “How’s your uncle today?” he asked.

“Worse,” came the reply. “Now he thinks he’s dead.”

~~~

My parents were soooooo poor, they got married for the rice.

~~~

Things You’ll Never Hear In A Western Movie:

“I reckon I’ll have me a half-caf double latte with a twist.  

“Gentlemen, rather than get caught up in mindless reaction, let’s draw upon our feminine selves for a more intuitive solution.”  

“Can we postpone this duel till 12:05? I gotta use the little boys room.”  

“Injuns! Quick, pull the wagons into an irregular dodecagon!”  

“Y’know, Badlands Pete… a roaring campfire, good coffee, nice prairie breeze, just you ‘n’ me… what say we put on the rhinestone gowns and dance a jig or two?”  

“Let’s see… hardtack and pemmican… that’s three grams of fat, seven grams of protein, and two starches.”  

“You ‘n’ Slim round up them strays, and I’ll tell Cookie to get started on the gazpacho and the fondue.”  

“That’s him! That’s the yella-bellied varmint who shot my therapist!”  

“He was a strong man, a good marshal, and I reckon he had a keen eye for interior decoration.”  

“Hey, Buck, do these chaps make my butt look big?”  

“It’s like I keep tellin’ ya, Earl: men is from Tombstone, women is from Dodge.”  

“HANG HIM HIGH, BOYS!! …Okay, now a little to the left… .Oooh! Stop right there. Perfect!”  

~~~

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.

Norman MacFinan

~~~

He said: I took my 5 year old grandson to the optometrist to pick up his new glasses. The glasses were prescribed “to help him read and be able to see the computer better”. When we got back home, he got on the computer to play a game. In a few minutes he called me and said there was something wrong with his glasses. I asked him what was the problem and he said, “I still can’t read.”

~~~

Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

~~~

“Carry out a random act of kindness, with no expectation of reward, safe in the knowledge that one day someone might do the same for you.”

Princess Diana

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

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Simplify

Ray’s Daily

November 21, 2022

http://rays-daily.com

“Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.”

Confucius

As we start our Thanksgiving week I am planning to limit my activities to only what I must do while spending the rest of my time enjoing avoiding what I don’t have to do. I have found in the past few years that living an uncomplicated life is one of the keys to happiness.

3 Ways to Make Life Simple Again

When we were young life was easier, right? I know sometimes it seems that way. But the truth is life still is easy. It always will be. The only difference is we’re older, and the older we get, the more we complicate things for ourselves.

Over the course of time, we made our lives more and more difficult, and we started losing touch with who we really are and what we really need.

So let’s get back to the basics, shall we? Let’s make things simple again. Here are three ways to do just that:

1. Change your focus. – The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts. The mind is indeed your battleground. It’s the place where the greatest conflict resides. It’s where half of the things you thought were going to happen, never did happen. But if you allow these thoughts to dwell in your mind, they will succeed in robbing you of peace, joy, and ultimately your life. You will think yourself into a nervous breakdown, into depression, and into defeat. Because, to a great extent, you are what you think. You can’t change anything if you can’t change your thinking… A beautiful day always begins with a beautiful mindset. When you wake up, take a second to think about what a privilege it is to simply be alive and healthy. Breathe onto the bathroom mirror, just to see how amazing your breath looks. The moment you start acting like life is a blessing, I assure you it will start to feel like one.

2. Fight today’s battles ONLY. – No matter what’s happening, anyone can efficiently fight the battles of just one day. It’s only when you add the battles of those two abysmal eternities, yesterday and tomorrow, that life gets overwhelmingly complicated. Also, remember to refill your bucket on a daily basis. That means catching up on sleep, making time for fun and laughter, eating healthy enough to maintain peak energy levels, and otherwise making time for recovery from the pressures of life.

3. Respectfully care less. – Today, I challenge you to make this your lifelong, daily motto: “I respectfully do not care.” Say it to anyone who passes judgment on something you strongly believe in or something that makes you who you are. People will inevitable judge you at some point anyway, and that’s OK. You affected their life; don’t let them affect yours. Remind yourself that even when it seems personal, rarely do people do things because of you, they do things because of them. You know this is true. You may not be able control all the things people say and do to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. Make that decision for yourself today.

Angel Chernoff

~~~

“The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook.”

William James

~~~

She said:

I wish I were a bear.

If you’re a bear, you get to hibernate.

You do nothing but sleep for six months.

I could get used to that.

And another thing; before you hibernate, you’re supposed to eat yourself stupid.

That wouldn’t bother me either.

IF you’re a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business; you swat anyone who bothers your cubs.

If your cubs get out of line, you swat them, too.

Your husband expects you to growl when you wake up.

He expects you to have hairy legs and excess body fat.

He likes it.

I wish I were a bear.

~~~

I just read a report that stated that last year 4,153,237 people got married.

I don’t want to start any trouble, but shouldn’t that be an even number?

~~~

A foursome teed off on the long par-3 eighth hole. The green on this hole lay behind a large bunker, so any shot that made the green would disappear over the top ridge of bunker. You couldn’t tell where your ball landed until you arrived on the green. After the last player hit his shot, the first golfer to hit charged off down the fairway, without waiting for the others. He disappeared over the bunker and seconds later came running back down the fairway to the other three, yelling and screaming, “I got a hole-in-one! I don’t believe it!”

“You’ve got to be kidding,” said the other golfers in the foursome. “You run ahead of us down the fairway. Then you vanish over the rise, where you know we can’t see you, and, all of a sudden, you start hootin’ and hollerin’ about a hole-in-one. Do you actually expect us to believe you? How stupid do you think we three are?”

“No, no. It’s true. I swear it,” he said crossing his heart. “Go look. I left it in the hole to prove it.”

~~~

A pessimist mourns the future.

~~~

Millions of years ago, there was no such thing as the wheel; the only way to move things was by carrying or dragging. One day, some primitive guys were watching their wives drag a dead mastodon to the food preparation area. It was exhausting work; the guys were getting tired just watching. Then they noticed some large, smooth, rounded boulders, and they had an idea: They could sit on the much more comfortable boulders and watch! This was the first in a series of breakthroughs that ultimately led to watching football on television.

~~~

There’s more to life than increasing its speed.

~~~

When entering a hotel where she and her husband were staying, Gladys, a devout Baptist, noticed a shabbily dressed man lounging idly in front of the newspaper stand in the lobby. She noticed that several men stopped to talk to him and gave him a little money. He seemed so cheered by the encounters she impulsively put ten dollars in an envelope, wrote ‘God Bless” on the outside, and handed it to him.

The nest day the man stopped her on the street. “Here’s your $250,” he said cheerily. “God Bless won 28 to 1!”

~~~

To make the world a friendly place, one must show it a friendly face.

James Whitcomb Riley

~~~

Arnold was a ventriloquist, and not a good one at that. In fact business was so bad that he was trying his luck as a medium. One day, a widow came into his office and said that she wanted to contact her dear departed husband and asked Arnold what he charged.

“If you only want to hear him speak,” said Arnold, “I charge $30. If you want to have a conversation with him, I charge $50. But I charge $100 if you want a conversation with him while I’m drinking a glass of water.”

~~~

“A simple man will have only what he needs, and he will know the difference between what he needs and what he wants. We feel that whatever we want, we desperately need. But before we possess the world, to our wide surprise we see that the world has already possessed us.”

Sri Chinmoy

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Ed Murrow – 2003

Ray’s Daily

November 18, 2022

REhttp://rays-daily.com

Our major obligation is not to mistake slogans for solutions.

Edward R. Murrow

Ray’s Daily first published on November 18, 2003

Edward R. Murrow and Fred Friendly debuted “See It Now” on this day in 1951.  Viewers were treated to the extraordinary (for then) sight of live shots of the Statute of Liberty and the Golden Gate Bridge.  We are pretty blasé about such things, but the world shrunk a lot that year. I saw many of the See It Now shows at the time and they truly educated the people of America.

Murrow was one of the first journalists to provide news broadcasting with a sense of integrity and societal responsibility. In 1937 Murrow became head of the CBS European Bureau. He won acclaim as a news commentator during World War II (1939-1945), with his on-the-scene radio reporting. His live reports from London as it was being bombed are classic radio moments that made the horror of the war in Europe real to the people of America. He also was responsible for recruiting some of the great names in radio and television news. I am sorry so many of you missed the era when the news was seriously presented by journalists. We did not have sound bites, news was news, even if a reporter did not have a building to stand in front of in order to do a live report. News was serious business and not fun and frolic.

The See It Now documentaries were notable for their realism and bold approach to controversial issues. The show’s most notable episode aired in 1954, when Murrow exposed the abusive tactics of Senator Joseph McCarthy in McCarthy’s investigations of alleged Communists in the United States government. It was the beginning of the end for McCarthy.

Maybe the difference was that we all watched the same shows, you were lucky to have TV three stations in your city. We did not have thousands of choices, nor the ability to watch only those that agree with us. We shared the experience, we talked about what we saw, and often did something because of what we learned. Sure society had lots of problems of all kinds at the time, but we also had the ability to focus on important issues. I wish we did as well today.

~~~

There are, however, people in this world who seldom pick up a newspaper, people who, when watching television, sneer in displeasure and change channels at the first glimpse of an anchorperson. While such willfully uninformed citizens are rare, emerging from seclusion only to serve on juries in trials of great national significance, they do exist.

Joe Keenan

~~~

A young and foolish pilot wanted to sound cool and show who was boss on the aviation frequencies.

It was his first time approaching a field during the night time.

Instead of making any official requests to the tower, he said:  “Guess who?”

The controller switched the field lights off and replied: “Guess where!”

~~~

Sound travels slowly.  Sometimes the things you say when your kids are teenagers don’t reach them till they’re in their 40s.

~~~

Bumping into a woman on the sidewalk, the Tom Cruise look-alike apologized, “Pardon me!”

“That’s quite all right,” the woman replied.  “You look just like my fifth husband.”

“Wow!” he said.  “How many times have you been married?”

“Four,” she answered.

~~~

“What is popular isn’t always right, and what is right isn’t always popular.”

~~~

It was a sunny Saturday morning, and Pete was beginning his preshot routine.

As he was visualizing his upcoming shot, a voice came over the loudspeaker, “Would the gentleman on the ladies tee please back up to the men’s tee, please!”

Pete was still deep in his routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption. Again the announcement, “Would the man on the women’s tee kindly back up to the men’s tee!”

Pete had had enough.

He yelled, “Would the announcer in the clubhouse kindly shut up and let me play my second shot!”

~~~

I was going to buy a copy of The Power of Positive Thinking, and then I thought:  What good would that do?

~~~

Every Saturday morning the husband goes fishing. He gets up early, makes his lunch, hooks up his boat and off he goes, all day long.

One Saturday morning he got up early, dressed quietly, made his lunch, put on his long johns, grabbed the dog and went to the garage to hook up his boat to the truck. Coming out of his garage, rain was pouring down, then snow mixed in with the rain and the wind was blowing 50 miles per hour.

So he returned to the garage, went back into the house and turned the TV to check the weather forecast. He discovers that it was going to be bad weather all day long.

He put his boat back in the garage, quietly undressed and slipped back into bed. Cuddling up to his wife’s back and whispered, “The weather out there is terrible.”

To which she replied, “I know—can you believe my idiot husband is out fishing in that?”

~~~

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

~~~

The new Ensign was assigned to subs, where he’d dreamed of working since a young boy.  He was trying to impress the Master Chief with his expertise learned in Sub School.

The Master Chief cut him off quickly and said, “Listen, ‘sir’, it’s real simple.  Add the number of times we dive to the number of times we surface.  Divide that number by two. If the result doesn’t come out even, don’t open the hatch.”

~~~

What we see depends mainly on what we look for.

~~~

Office Rules

1) If it rings, put it on hold.

2) If it clanks, call the repairman.

3) If it whistles, ignore it.

4) If it’s a friend, take a break.

5) If it’s the boss, look busy.

6) If it talks, take notes.

7) If it’s handwritten, type it.

8) If it’s typed, copy it.

9) If it’s copied, file it.

10) If it’s Friday, forget it!

~~~

“Faced with the choice between changing one’s mind and proving there is no need to do so, almost everyone gets busy on the proof.”

John Kenneth Galbraith

~~~

Jack, a lawyer, lies dying with his partner of 40 years by his bedside. “Mike, I’ve got to confess. I’ve been sleeping with your wife for 30 years and I’m the father of your daughter. On top of that, I’ve been stealing from the firm for a decade.”

“Relax,” says Mike, “and don’t think another thing about it. I’m the one who put the poison in your martini.”

~~~

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

~~~

The Judge admonished the witness, “Do you understand that you have sworn to tell the truth?”

“I do.”

“Do you understand what will happen if you are not truthful?”

“Sure,” said the witness. “My side will win.”

~~~

He who is outside the door has already got a good part of his journey behind him.

Dutch proverb

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

There is no gift better than friendship

Ray’s Daily

November 17, 2022

http://rays-daily.com

“I knew when I met you an adventure was going to happen.”

Winnie The Pooh

Want to know how to grow old gracefully? Make as many friends as you can. They will help when you need it. They will see things you might otherwise miss. In truth they are like family and I know I really appreciate those I have, especially so many of you.

          A Friend…

  by: Author Unknown

(A)ccepts you as you are

(B)elieves in “you”

(C)alls you just to say “HI”

(D)oesn’t give up on you

(E)nvisions the whole of you (even the unfinished parts)

(F)orgives your mistakes

(G)ives unconditionally

(H)elps you

(I)nvites you over

(J)ust “be” with you

(K)eeps you close at heart

(L)oves you for who you are

(M)akes a difference in your life

(N)ever Judges

(O)ffer support

(P)icks you up

(Q)uiets your fears

(R)aises your spirits

(S)ays nice things about you

(T)ells you the truth when you need to hear it

(U)nderstands you

(V)alues you

(W)alks beside you

(X)-plains thing you don’t understand

(Y)ells when you won’t listen and

(Z)aps you back to reality

~~~

“A friend knows the song in my heart and sings it to me when my memory fails.”

Donna Roberts

~~~

A lady lost her purse in the bustle of shopping at the mall. It was found by an honest little boy, who returned it to her.

Looking in her purse, she commented, “Hmm, that’s funny. When I lost my bag, there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty $1 bills.”

The boy quickly replied, “That’s right, lady. The last time I found a lady’s purse, she didn’t have any change for a reward.”

~~~

Remember, once you get over the hill, you’ll begin to pick up speed.

~~~

Sid and Al were sitting in a Chinese restaurant.

“Sid,” asked Al, “Are there any Jews in China?”

“I don’t know,” Sid replied. “Why don’t we ask the waiter?”

When the waiter came by, Al said, “Are there any Chinese Jews?”

“I don’t know sir, let me ask,” the waiter replied and he went into the kitchen.

He quickly returned and said, “No, sir. No Chinese Jews.”

“Are you sure?” Al asked.

“I will check again, sir.” the waiter replied and went back to the kitchen.

While he was still gone, Sid said, “I cannot believe there are no Jews in China. Our people are scattered everywhere.”

When the waiter returned he said, “Sir, no Chinese Jews.”

“Are you really sure?” Al asked again. “I cannot believe there are no Chinese Jews.”

“Sir, I ask everyone,” the waiter replied exasperated. “We have orange jews, prune jews, tomato jews and grape jews, but no one ever hear of Chinese jews!”

~~~

To err is human—to blame it on a computer is even more so.

~~~

She says that:

“Hey Marco! Is it true you have a new girlfriend?” I quizzed.

“Yeah, it’s true” he mumbled.

“Hey, what’s the matter?”  I asked.

“Well, it’s my new girlfriend,” he said.

“Oh yeah?  What’s the problem?”

“Well I asked her if she could learn to love me,” he replied.

“Yeah…and?” I pried further. “and she asked me how much I was willing to spend on her education.

~~~

Find out what you don’t do well and don’t do it.

~~~

The state trooper pulled Mr. Schwarz over and, after inspecting his license and registration, informed the motorist that he was going to have to spend the night in jail.

“What’s the charge?  Mr. Schwarz demanded.

“None,” replied the officer.  “It’s all part of the service.”

~~~

“Sometimes being a friend means mastering the art of timing. There is a time for silence. A time to let go and allow people to hurl themselves into their own destiny. And a time to prepare to pick up the pieces when it’s all over.”

Octavia Butler

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Have a happy day

Ray’s Daily

November 16, 2022

http://rays-daily.com

Happiness does not depend on outward things, but on the way we see them.

Leo Tolstoy

~~~

I have an early meeting this morning so here is a reprint from November 16, 2004

I have been fighting laser printer problems, I am running out of ink in my photo printer, the battery in my lap-top has quit, but I still choose to be happy. I took a shortcut to a meeting the other night that turned out to be a long-sightseeing-cut, but I still choose to be happy. 12 different people have provided me 12 different opportunities for service, each only requires about 10% of my time (total 120%), but I still choose to be happy. Right now I don’t need anymore happiness. You can stay happy too if you heed the following advice.

1. Make up your mind to be happy. Learn to find pleasure in simple things.

2. Make the best of your circumstances. No one has everything, and everyone has something of sorrow intermingled with gladness of life. The trick is to make the laughter outweigh the tears.

3. Don’t take yourself too seriously. Don’t think that somehow you should be protected from misfortune that befalls other people.

4. You can’t please everybody. Don’t let criticism worry you.

5. Don’t let your neighbor set your standards. Be yourself.

6. Do the things you enjoy doing but stay out of debt.

7. Never borrow trouble. Imaginary things are harder to bear than real ones.

8. Since hate poisons the soul, do not cherish jealousy, enmity, grudges. Avoid people who make you unhappy.

9. Have many interests. If you can’t travel, read about new places.

10. Don’t hold postmortems. Don’t spend your time brooding over sorrows or mistakes. Don’t be one who never gets over things.

11. Do what you can for those less fortunate than yourself.

12. Keep busy at something. A busy person never has time to be unhappy.

~~~

She said:

Before I was a Mom – I slept as late as I wanted and never worried about how late I got into bed. I brushed my hair and my teeth everyday.

Before I was a Mom – I cleaned my house each day. I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby. I didn’t worry whether or not my plants were poisonous. I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom – I had never been puked on – Pooped on – Spit on – Chewed on, or Peed on. I had complete control of my mind and My thoughts. I slept all night

Before I was a Mom – I never held down a screaming child So that doctors could do tests…Or give shots. I never looked into teary eyes and cried. I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin. I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom – I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn’t want to put it down. I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn’t stop the hurt. I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much. I never knew that I could love someone so much. I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom – I didn’t know the feeling of having my heart outside my body. I didn’t know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby. I didn’t know that bond between a mother and her child. I didn’t know that something so small could make me feel so important.

Before I was a Mom – I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay. I had never known the warmth, The joy, The love, The heartache, The wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom. I didn’t know I was capable of feeling so much before I was a Mom.

~~~

“Automobile – A mechanical device that runs up hills and down people.”

~~~

She told me that as an attendant at an exclusive golf club, her work includes welcoming guests to the course and loading bags in and out of vehicles.  She’s the only female on the staff, and works with eight teenage boys.

One day a golfer drove up in a yellow Lamborghini.  Three of the teens rushed to help him.  Later, they gushed about their conversation with the man, who told them he owned three of the Italian sports cars.

“Really?” she replied. “What line of work is he in?”

“We didn’t talk about that,” said one of the boys. “We only asked if he has a daughter.”

~~~

Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.

~~~

One of the single girls in the office came in one morning and began passing out cigars and candy, both tied with blue ribbons.

When asked what the occasion was, she proudly displayed a diamond solitaire on her left ring finger. “It’s a boy,” she announced, “six feet tall, 178 pounds!”

~~~

A fellow applies to the local Welfare Office for money. They ask why he needs financial assistance.

“I’m having trouble with my eyes,” the man says., matter of factly.

“I beg your pardon, did you say ‘your eyes’? the clerk asks in a bewildered tone.

“That’s right,” the man replies……”I can’t see myself going to work.”

~~~

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

~~~

The social studies teacher had just finished a unit on war and peace. “How many of you,” he asked, “would say you’re opposed to war?”

Not surprisingly, all hands went up. The teacher asked, “Who’ll give us the reason for being opposed to war?”

A large, bored-looking boy in the back of the room raised his hand.

“Johnny?” the teacher said.

“I hate war,” Johnny said, “because wars make history, and I hate History!”

~~~

A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow.

General George S. Patton

~~~

Wendy gives us another medical update:

NEW DRUGS FOR WOMEN!          

BUYAGRA: Stimulant to be taken prior to shopping. Increases potency and duration of spending spree.

MENICILLIN: Potent anti-boyotic for older women. Increases resistance to such lines as, “You make me want to be a better person.”

ST. MOM’S WORT: Plant extract that treats mom’s depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours.

EMPTY NESTROGEN: Highly effective supplement that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn’t wait till they moved out.

PEPTO-BIMBO: Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and improves flirting.

DUMMEROL: When taken with Pepto-bimbo, can cause lowering of IQ, causing enjoyment of loud country music and cheap beer.

FLIPITOR: Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.

JACKASSPIRIN: Relieves headache caused by a man who can’t remember your birthday, anniversary, or phone number.

ANTI-TALKSIDENT: A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers.

RAGAMET: When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation as nagging on him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself.

DAMMITOL: Take two and the rest of the world can go to hell for 8 hours

~~~

If you cannot teach me to fly, teach me to sing.”

Sir James Barrie

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Did I hear you right?

Ray’s Daily

November 15, 2022

http://rays-daily.com

“One of the most sincere forms of respect is actually listening to what another has to say.”

Bryant H. McGill

Recently in a meeting I shared my belief that extended families help is through bad times. Especially those who not only listen to what we have said but also who verify that they have really understood what we said. I know that sometimes when I feedback to others what I think they said I have been mistaken. It is vital to good relations to to make sure we understand what others are are saying.

Please listen to me

When I ask you to listen to me and you start giving advice, you have not done what I asked.

When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to tell me why I shouldn’t feel that way, you are trampling on my feelings.

When I ask you to listen to me and you feel you have to do something to solve my problems, you have failed me, strange as that may seem.

All I ask is that you listen. Not talk or do, just hear me. Advice is cheap: 50 cents will get you both Dorothy Dix and Dr Spock in the same newspaper. And I can do for myself I’m not helpless. Maybe discouraged and faltering, but not helpless.

When you do something for me that I can and need to do for myself you contribute to my fear and weakness. But when you accept as a simple fact that I do feel what I feel, no matter how irrational, then I quit trying to convince you and can get about the business of understanding what’s behind this irrational feeling.

And when that’s clear, the answers are obvious and I don’t need advice. So, please listen and just hear me, and if you want to talk, wait a minute for your turn; and I’ll listen to you.

Author Unknown

~~~

When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen.”

Ernest Hemingway

~~~

She said: My husband, Jim, was playing piano in an intimate and dimly lit club. He couldn’t help but notice a couple locked in a passionate embrace on a love seat right in front of the piano. They were rather distracting, but finally they came up for air long enough to make a breathless request. “Uh, could you play ‘After the Lovin’?'”

“Sure thing,” Jim agreed. “Just let me know when you’re through.”

~~~

Only when we give joyfully, without hesitation or thought of gain, can we truly know what love means.

Leo Buscaglia

~~~

Finnegin: My wife has a terrible habit of staying up ’til two o’clock in the morning. I can’t break her of it.

Keenan:  What on earth is she doin’ at that time?

Finnegin: Waitin’ for me to come home.

~~~

He told me: My mother wanted me to be a priest. Can you imagine giving up your sex life and then once a week people come in to tell you the details and highlights of theirs?

~~~

Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted By the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That Afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army Dentist yanked seven of his teeth. On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has been looking For Herman for 51 years.

~~~

“Everybody is somebody because God has created us with unique skills and abilities.”

“Too many folks fall into the shameful pattern of ranking people and judging some as nobodies.”

Anonymous

~~~

A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, “What are the grounds for your divorce?”

She replied, “About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by.”

“No,” he said, “I mean what is the foundation of this case?”

“It is made of concrete, brick and mortar,” she responded.

“I mean,” he continued, “What are your relations like?”

“I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband’s parents.”

“Please,” he tried again, “Is there any infidelity in your marriage?”

“Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don’t necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes.”

“Ma’am, does your husband ever beat you up?”

“Yes,” she responded, “about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do.”

Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, “Lady, why do you want a divorce?”

“Oh, I don’t want a divorce,” she replied. “I’ve never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can’t communicate with me.”

~~~

What do people in China call their good plates?

~~~

A guy noticed that his buddy was troubled and asked what was wrong.

“Ohhh, it’s my girlfriend.” he said.

“Oh yeah? What’s the problem?”

“When I asked her if she could learn to love me,” he said, “she asked me how much I was willing to spend on her education.”

~~~

May the road rise up to meet you.

May the wind be always at your back.

The rain falls soft upon your fields.

And until we meet again, may God hold you in the palm of His hand.

Irish blessing

~~~

One of our neighbors is making interesting plans for the future. She says when her husband dies, she’s not going to have him buried.

I said, “What are you going to do?”

She said, “I’m going to have him stuffed and mounted and put on the living room couch. Then I’ll turn on the TV to a football game, talk to him and he won’t answer. It’ll be just like he never left.”

~~~

When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.

~~~

She said: My husband seems to feel one should get their money’s worth on vacation. I’m not sure if I’m supposed to frolic every minute or not.  But once when I was sitting in a beach chair on the sand, he came out of the surf and said, “This is costing us $300 a day – and you sit there reading a book!”

~~~

Some people come into our lives and quickly go.

Some stay for a while and leave footprints on our hearts. And we are never, ever the same.

~~~

She said: Working as a pediatric nurse, I had the difficult assignment of giving immunization shots to children. One day I entered the examining room to give four-year-old Lizzie her shot. “NO! NO! NO!” she screamed. “Lizzie,” her mother scolded, “That’s not polite behavior.” At that, the girl yelled even louder, “NO, THANK YOU! NO, THANK YOU!”

~~~

“Friends are those rare people who ask how we are, and then wait to hear the answer.”

Ed Cunningham

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Don’t Worry

Ray’s Daily

November 14, 2022

http://rays-daily.com

“Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy.”

Leo F. Buscaglia

My weekend was pretty good, I hope yours was too. I plan on having a worry free week ahead. By staying worry free I will make from for how good things really are. I hope you will join me and focus on the good stuff.

One Question that Will Change Your Attitude (When You Can’t Change Anything Else)

Ready for a quick reality check?

To a great extent, we create our fate every single day, and most of the ills we suffer from are directly traceable to our own (controllable) attitude. Life is packed full of uncontrollable events; in many situations the only thing we can control is the attitude we choose to respond with.

When you really take the time to think about it, everything happening around us is basically neutral and meaningless up until the point that we give it meaning. And the questions we ask ourselves drive the meaning we create and the attitude we have about everything.

Regardless of what you’re going though, it’s about choosing: Will I allow this to upset me? Will I choose to make this bad or good? Will I choose to stay or walk away? Will I choose to yell or whisper? Will I choose to react or take the time to respond?

You CAN always choose an attitude that moves you forward. And doing so will help you change things from the inside out, and ultimately allow you to grow beyond the struggles you can’t control.

Here’s one powerful question that will support you with a positive attitude adjustment when you need it most:

Who would you be, and what else would you see, if you erased the thought that’s worrying you?

Honestly, worry is the biggest enemy of the present moment. It does nothing but steal your joy and keep you very busy doing absolutely nothing at all. When you spend time worrying, you’re simply using your imagination to create moments you don’t want.

So again, identify a specific thought that’s been troubling your worried mind lately, and then visualize how your life would be different if you removed this thought for a little while:

•         How would it change your outlook on your present life situation?

•         Would you treat yourself and others differently?

•         How might you feel and behave today?

•         What else would you be able to see or do today without that thought distracting you?

Remember, the goal isn’t to get rid of all your painful thoughts, feelings, and life circumstances. That’s impossible. The goal is to change your response to them…

Angel Chernoff

~~~

“The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one.”

Elbert Hubbard

~~~

A few housewives were sitting around the table talking, and the subject turned to their husbands. One lady said “My husband just won’t go to church with me, I think he’s going to go to hell.” This led to talk around the table and it was generally agreed that, for one reason or another, all the husbands were going to end up in hell.

So, then the housewives started speculating about themselves. One woman said “I try to be good – I’m sure I’ll make it to Heaven.” Another one said “No, I did this bad thing, I won’t make it.” So, then they noticed that one of the ladies wasn’t saying anything. And they looked at her and said “You’re such a nice lady, surely you’re going to Heaven…?”

She says “No, first thing in the morning, I’m going to buy me a ticket straight to hell!” They were shocked and asked why. “Well, you don’t expect me to live in a world without men, do you??!?”

~~~

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW!

~~~

A man was speeding down the highway, feeling secure in a gaggle of cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over.

The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and was about to walk away when the man asked, “Officer, I know I was speeding, but I don’t think it’s fair – there were plenty of other cars around me who were going just as fast, so why did *I* get the ticket?”

“Ever go fishing?” the policeman suddenly asked the man.

“Ummm, yeah…” the startled man replied.

The officer grinned and added, “Ever catch *all* the fish?”

~~~

A woman was telling her friend, “It is I who made my husband a millionaire.” “And what was he before you married him?” asked the friend. The woman replied, “A billionaire.”

~~~

When a three-year-old opened a birthday gift from his grandmother, he discovered a water pistol.

He squealed with delight and headed for the nearest sink.

His Mother was not so pleased. She turned to Grandmom and said, “I’m surprised at you.

Don’t you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water guns?”

Grandmom smiled and then replied, “I remember.”

~~~

Eschew obfuscation.

~~~

Two men were walking home after a Halloween party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs. Right in the middle of the cemetery, they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows.

Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.

“Holy cow, Mister,” one of them said after catching his breath. “You scared us half to death — we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?”

“Those fools!” the old man grumbled. “They misspelled my name!”

~~~

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools

~~~

Two hunters went moose hunting every winter without success. Finally they came up with a foolproof plan. They got a very authentic cow moose costume and learned the mating call of a cow moose.

The plan was to hide in the costume, lure the bull, then come out of the costume and shoot the bull. They set themselves up on the edge of a clearing, donned their costume and began to give the moose love call.

Before long their call was answered as a bull came crashing out of the forest and into the clearing. When the bull was close enough, the guy in front said, ‘OK, lets get out and get him.’

After a moment that seemed like an eternity, the guy in the back shouted, ‘The zipper is stuck! What are we going to do!?’

The guy in the front says, ‘Well, I’m going to start nibbling grass, but you’d better brace yourself!’

~~~

A lady inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds: “Husband wanted”. Next day she received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: “You can have mine.”

~~~

To help a friend lose weight, I told her she should switch to lower fat foods, including skim milk.

When she said her family would drink only whole milk, I suggested that she keep their regular container and refill it with skim milk. This worked for quite awhile, until her daughter asked one morning whether the milk was okay.

“Sure, it’s fine,” my friend answered, fearing she had been found out. “Why do you ask?”

The daughter explained, “Well, according to the expiration date, this milk expired six months ago!”

~~~

“Worry is a thin stream of fear trickling through the mind. If encouraged, it cuts a channel into which all other thoughts are drained.”

Arthur Somers Roche

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Veterans Day

Ray’s Daily

November 11, 2022

http://rays-daily.com

“How important it is for us to recognize and celebrate our heroes and she-roes!”

Maya Angelou

Today will be especially busy. I have a veterans breakfast followed by a lecture on sentor health. So I want to share with you a daily I published on November 11, 2004

World War One ended on this day, it was the 11th hour on the 11th day of the 11th month of 1918 when the Great War ended. World War I was known as the “war to end all wars” because of the great slaughter and destruction it caused. Unfortunately, the peace treaty that officially ended the conflict–the Treaty of Versailles of 1919–forced punitive terms on Germany that destabilized Europe and laid the groundwork for World War II.

When I was young the day was not called Veterans Day, it was called Armistice Day. I remember being in grammar school at 11:00 AM when we had a moment of silence, more in celebration of the peace than to remember the dead. Since then we have seen the Second World War, the Korean War (I was in the Navy for that one), the Vietnam War, and lately two wars in the Middle-East. Personally I find little glory in war, my memories of the wars I have known are filled with the deaths of friends and those innocents caught in the middle of conflicts. I guess what I am saying is that while I hold my fellow veterans in high regard, I do long for the peacemakers who bring wars to their end. So today at 11 AM I plan on remembering for a minute the days when we all celebrated an armistice that brought peace, versus celebrating those of us who were called to war.

~~~

The peace makers shall be called the children of God.

Bible

~~~

She asks who understands men!

The nice men are ugly.

The handsome men are not nice.

The handsome and nice men are gay.

The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married.

The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men, have no money.

The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men with money think we are only after their money.

The handsome men without money are after our money.

The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual don’t think we are beautiful enough.

The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual, somewhat nice and have money, are cowards.

The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and have some money and thank God are heterosexual, are shy and NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!

The men who never make the first move, automatically lose interest in us when we take the initiative.

NOW ….WHO IN THE HELL UNDERSTANDS MEN?

~~~

Unhappiness is best defined as the difference between our talents and our expectations.

Edward de Bono

~~~

An elderly couple would constantly argue about everything. The woman often ended the arguments by stating vociferously, “I’ll dance on your grave!  I’ll dance on your grave!”

Well, sure enough, the old geezer died first. His last request was that he be buried at sea.

~~~

This is also how I feel about Wagner’s music.

“I love Wagner, but the music I prefer is that of a cat hung up by its tail outside a window and trying to stick to the panes of glass with its claws.”

Charles Baudelaire

~~~

A married couple was watching volleyball game at a beach when the wife spotted a couple in the bleachers. They were being very affectionate. The girl was running her hands all over the boyfriend and nibbling on his ear. He had his hands on her chest. Looking at them, the wife said to her husband “I don’t know whether to watch them or the game.”

Husband said, “Better watch them! You already know how to play volleyball.”

~~~

How many weeks are there in a light year?

~~~

She said, if men got pregnant:

* Maternity leave would last two years….with full pay.

* There would be a cure for stretch marks.

* Natural childbirth would become obsolete.

* Morning sickness would rank as the nation’s #1 health problem.

* All methods of birth control would be 100% effective.

* Children would be kept in the hospital until toilet trained.

* Men would be eager to talk about commitment.

* They wouldn’t think twins were so cute.

* Sons would have to be home from dates by 10:00pm.

* Briefcases would be used as diaper bags.

* Paternity suits would be a fashion line of clothes.

* They would stay in bed during the entire pregnancy.

* Restaurants would include ice cream and pickles as main entrees.

* Women would rule the world.

~~~

Those who can not remember the past are condemned to repeat it.

George Santayana

~~~

A store manager overheard a clerk saying to a customer, “No, ma’am, we haven’t had any for some weeks now, and it doesn’t look as if we’ll be getting any again.”

Alarmed by what was being said, the manager rushed over to the customer who was walking out the door and said, “That isn’t true, ma’am. Of course, we’ll have some soon. In fact, we placed an order for it a couple of weeks ago.”

Then the manager drew the clerk aside and growled, “Never, never, never, never say we don’t have something.  If we don’t have it, say we ordered it and it’s on its way.  Now, what was it she asked about?”

And the clerk said, “Muggings in the parking lot.”

~~~

Experience teaches us that there is a small but important difference between keeping your chin up and sticking your neck out.

~~~

A blonde is taking the driving portion of her driver’s license exam.

She handles most of the maneuvers quite well.  However, she has a little trouble parallel parking, and winds up a about a foot from the curb.

“Could you get a little closer?” the examiner asks.

The blonde then unbuckles her seat belt and slides over toward the examiner and asks, “OK, sir. Now what?”

~~~

I have found that the sure cure for insomnia is sleep.

~~~

She said: Working as a court reporter, I hear to a lot of testimony that you won’t hear on LAW AND ORDER, including the following give-and-take between the judge and a mother during a paternity suit.

Judge: “Was this child born out of wedlock?”

Mother: “No, sir, just outside of Louisville.”

~~~

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

~~~

“Beauty is not in the face;

Beauty is a light in the heart.”

Kahlil Gibran

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Invest in your future

Ray’s Daily

November 10, 2022

http://rays-daily.com

The future rewards those who press on. I don’t have time to feel sorry for myself. I don’t have time to complain. I’m going to press on.

Barack Obama

You and me have a lot of future ahead and it is up to us what it is going to be. I know I am going to do all I can for myself, my family and my friends. Together we can make the days ahead special. Here is a recipe to help.

Recipe for forever

Gather all of the ingredients together, so that they are close at hand! Get a clean cloth and wipe the bowl clean of any lingering dust from the past.

Take maturity, respect and friendship, and stir gently.

Add unlimited amounts of compassion and kindness, and mix well.

To this, add caring by the handfuls and fold in trust.

Continue stirring gently, adding listening, honesty, and large amounts of communication.

Slip in some dreams, goals, and firm pieces of keeping promises.

Bake in a home filled with peace, beauty and serenity.

Before you taste the finished product, sprinkle liberally with patience, love, and a touch of spice.

Serve very hot, with imagination on the side.

Author Unknown

~~~

The past is a source of knowledge, and the future is a source of hope. Love of the past implies faith in the future.

Stephen Ambrose

~~~

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

W. C. Fields (1880 – 1946)

~~~

The teacher asked the students to bring one electrical appliance for “Show & Tell,” and the next day every kid had something.

The teacher asks Wendy: What did you bring? “I brought a Walkman.”

“And what is it for?”

“You can listen to music with it!”

“That’s nice Wendy. What did you bring Kenny?” “I brought a ‘lectrical can opener, it opens cans!”

“Well done, Kenny. Umm, Johnny, I see you didn’t bring anything!” “Yes, I did. It’s in the hall.”

So the entire class goes into the hallway.

“Umm, Johnny, what is that?”

“It’s a heart / lung machine hospitals use to keep your heart going.”

“Whoa. What did your father say about you bringing this?”

“He said, ‘AAAARRRGGGH!!!'”

~~~

If you want it yesterday, you’ve got to give me at least a week’s notice.

~~~

He said:

Because I’m a man, when the car isn’t running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I’m looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, “I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn’t, know where to start.”  We will then drink beer.

Because I’m a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You’re a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn’t a problem.

Because I’m a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like “cumin” or “tofu.” For all I know, these are the same thing. And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which “feminine hygiene product” is a euphemism.

Because I’m a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as, much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.

Because I’m a man,I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it (though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator).

Because I’m a man, you don’t have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you’re crying at the end of it, I didn’t.

Because I’m a man, and this is, after all, the year 2022, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the gardening, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I’ll do the rest.

This has been a public service message for Women to Better Understand the Male.

~~~

“Husbands are awkward things to deal with; even keeping them in hot water will not make them tender.”

Mary Lorraine Buckley

~~~

She said: My husband went on a sudden business trip, and I accompanied him. It soon became apparent that he could not wrap things up in one day, so his employer put us up for the night in a luxury hotel. We found a convenience store and purchased toothbrushes, a razor and other necessary items.

Finally we entered the lobby of the hotel, each of us toting a brown paper bag filled with supplies. The hotel manager looked us over.

Raising an eyebrow, he intoned haughtily, “Matched luggage?”

~~~

A liberal education makes your mind a pleasant place to spend your leisure time.

~~~

Jane was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store. The parrot said to her, “Hey lady, you are really ugly.”

Jane was furious! She stormed past the store to her work. On the way home she saw the same parrot and it said to her, “Hey lady, you are really ugly.”

She was incredibly ticked now.

The next day the same parrot again said to her, “Hey lady, you are really ugly.”

Jane decided to go into the store and told the manager that she would sue the store if they didn’t do something about that rude bird. The store manager apologized profusely and promised he would make sure the parrot didn’t say it again.

When Jane walked past the store that day after work the parrot called to her, “Hey lady.”

She paused and said, “Yes?”

And the bird replied, “You know.”

~~~

Study economics not to learn the answers to economic questions, but to learn how to avoid being deceived by economists.

~~~

When the car engine developed a slight knock, Bob asked his wife if she had bought special or regular gas, but she couldn’t remember. “You probably got the cheaper gas,” he said. “That could account for the roughness of the engine.”

“No, the gas wasn’t cheaper!” she replied indignantly. “It cost the same as always. I told the man to put in the usual ten dollars worth.”

~~~

If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

~~~

A southern Baptist minister was completing a temperance sermon.

With great emphasis he said, “If I had all the beer in the world, I’d take it and pour it into the river.”

With even greater emphasis he said, “And if I had all the wine in the world, I’d take it and pour it into the river.”

And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he said, “And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I’d take it and pour it into the river.”

Sermon complete, he then sat down.

The song leader stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, “For our closing song, let us sing Hymn #365, Shall We Gather at the River.”

~~~

Sidney says to his friend, “We were so poor when I was young that I had to sleep in the same bed as my three brothers. We slept four-to-a-bed for many years. I didn’t know what it was like to sleep alone until I grew up and married Sadie.”

~~~

The power for creating a better future is contained in the present moment: You create a good future by creating a good present.

Eckhart Tolle

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

November 9, 2004

Ray’s Daily

November 9, 2022

http://rays-daily.com

The “good old times” — all times when old are good.

Lord Byron

Ray’s Daily first published on November 9, 2004

It was on this day in 1965 that New Yorkers rediscovered romance. It was the night that the Great Northeast Blackout began at the height of rush hour, delaying millions of commuters, trapping 800,000 people in New York’s subways, and stranding thousands more in office buildings, elevators, and trains. Altogether, 30 million people in eight U.S. states and the Canadian provinces of Ontario and Quebec were affected by the blackout. During the night, power was gradually restored to the blacked-out areas, and by morning power had been restored throughout the Northeast. Rumor has it that there were record births nine months later.

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I am not sure that I need further reminders off just how fast time flies, but it is had to believe that 15 years ago today German citizens began to demolish the Berlin Wall, which had separated East Germany from West Germany since 1961.

It really hits home when the events of my childhood are looked on as ancient history by so many. Nostalgia has its place; I just prefer it when dates are not attached to some of my memories. The good thing for me is that I seem to have selective memory; I remember the good stuff but can’t remember the other stuff. My life could not possibly be that good.

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It’s the Law!

In Oblong, Illinois, it’s punishable by law to make love while hunting or fishing on your wedding day.

No man is allowed to make love to his wife with the smell of garlic, onions, or sardines on his breath in Alexandria, Minnesota. If his wife so requests, law mandates that he must brush his teeth.

Warn your hubby that after lovemaking in Ames, Iowa, he isn’t allowed to take more than three gulps of beer while lying in bed with you — or holding you in his arms.

Bozeman, Montana, has a law that bans all sexual activity between members of the opposite sex in the front yard of a home after sundown — if they’re nude. (Apparently, if you wear socks, you’re safe from the law!)

In hotels in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, every room is required to have twin beds. And the beds must always be a minimum of two feet apart when a couple rents a room for only one night. And it’s illegal to make love on the floor between the beds!

It’s safe to make love while parked in Coeur d’Alene, Idaho. Police officers aren’t allowed to walk up and knock on the window. Any suspicious officer who thinks that sex is taking place must drive up from behind, honk his horn three times and wait approximately two minutes before getting out of his car to investigate.

Another law in Helena, Montana, mandates that a woman can’t dance on a table in a saloon or bar unless she has on at least three pounds, two ounces of clothing.

In Carlsbad, New Mexico, it’s legal for couples to have sex in a parked vehicle during their lunch break from work, as long as the car or van has drawn curtains to stop strangers from peeking in.

Women aren’t allowed to wear patent-leather shoes in Cleveland, Ohio — a man might see the reflection of something “he oughtn’t!”

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No person was ever honored for what he received. Honor has been the reward for what he gave.

Calvin Coolidge

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Three blondes had just bought a can of Pepsi One and were anxious to try it for the first time.

So the first blonde opened the can and then the second blonde poured it into three glasses.

The third blonde eyed the three glasses suspiciously and said, “I wonder which one has the calorie?”

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“Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies.”

Mother Teresa

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Ways to Deal With Stress

When someone says “have a nice day”, tell them you have other plans.

Make a list of things to do that you have already done.

Fill out your tax form using Roman Numerals.

Leaf through “National Geographic” and draw underwear on the natives.

Read the dictionary upside down and look for secret messages.

Start a nasty rumor and see if you recognize it when it comes back to you.

Make up a language and ask people for directions in it.

Bill your doctor for time spent in his waiting room.

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You never get tired if you rest a lot in advance.

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Soon after marriage, Terri’s  husband, Colby stopped wearing his wedding ring.  Terri asked, “Why don’t you ever wear your wedding band?”

Colby replied, “It cuts off my circulation.”

Terri answered back, “It’s supposed to!”

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Could it be that the people who have nothing to say are the ones we should listen to?

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Laws Of Slow People

1. Slow people always walk side by side, even if they don’t know each other.

2. They drive side by side, too.  If they can’t find another slow driver to pair up with, they drive in the fast lane.

3. Slow walkers never look back. When they drive, they never look in their rearview mirrors, either.

4. Slow people drift sideways, so they will block the path of anyone trying to pass them. If two people, or vehicles, are trying to get around the slow people at the same time,  the slow people drift into the path of the one who is moving  at the highest speed.

5. Follow behind a slow person in the grocery store and you’ll wind up with soggy ice cream every time.

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I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.

~~~

A physician claims these are actual comments from his patients made while he was performing colonoscopies:

1. “Take it easy, Doc, you’re boldly going where no man has gone before.”

2. “Find Amelia Earhart yet?”

3. “Can you hear me NOW?”

4. “Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?”

5. “You know, in Arkansas, we’re now legally married.”

6. “Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?”

7. “You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out. You do the Hokey Pokey….”

8. “Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!”

9. “If your hand doesn’t fit, you must ! acquit!”

10. “Hey, Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.”

11. “Could you write me a note for my wife, saying that my head is not, in fact, up there??????”

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Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

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I hate the idea of going under the knife. So I was very upset when the doctor told me I needed a tonsillectomy.  Later, the nurse and I were filling out an admission form. I tried to respond to the questions, but I was so nervous I couldn’t speak.  The nurse patted my hand and said, “Don’t worry. This medical problem can easily be fixed, and it’s not a dangerous procedure.”

“You’re right. I’m being silly,” I said, “Please continue.”

“Good,” the nurse went on, “Now, do you have a living will?”

~~~

The reward of a thing well done is to have done it.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

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