Ray's musings and humor

Listen to Mark

Ray’s Daily

September 25, 2017

www.rays-daily.com

honesty

If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.

Mark Twain

Mark Twain was right, truth eliminates the risk of losing another’s trust if they learn you were not telling it. If you have noticed the truth tellers don’t waste a lot of time figuring out what to say next. Some folks may not want to hear the truth but integrity is a character builder that allows us to grow and earn the respect of others. And that is the truth.

Here is a story I always liked, I hope you will too.

The Dean Schooled Them

One night four college kids stayed out late, partying and having a good time. They paid no mind to the test they had scheduled for the next day and didn’t study. In the morning, they hatched a plan to get out of taking their test. They covered themselves with grease and dirt and went to the Dean’s office. Once there, they said they had been to a wedding the previous night and on the way back they got a flat tire and had to push the car back to campus.

The Dean listened to their tale of woe and thought. He offered them a retest three days later. They thanked him and accepted his offer.hat time.

When the test day arrived, they went to the Dean. The Dean put them all in separate rooms for the test. They were fine with this since they had all studied hard. Then they saw the test. It had 2 questions.

1) Your Name __________ (1 Points)

2) Which tire burst? __________ (99 Points)

Options – (a) Front Left (b) Front Right (c) Back Left (d) Back Right

The lesson: always be responsible and make wise decisions.

~~~

Whoever is careless with the truth in small matters cannot be trusted with important matters.

Albert Einstein

~~~

She said: Concerned about fitness in my 50’s, I enrolled in an aerobics class. To my dismay I walked into a room filled with much younger women and decided to combat my nervousness with humor…

“I’m here to do my postnatal exercises,” I told the instructor.

She gave me an appraising look. “How old is your baby?”

“Twenty-three,” I replied.

~~~

When you come to a fork in the road, take it.

Yogi Berra

~~~

After the last child was born, she told me we had to cut back on expenses – I had to give up drinking beer. I was not a big drinker, maybe a 12-pack on weekends.

Anyway, I gave it up but I noticed the other day when she came home from grocery shopping. The receipt included $45 in makeup.

I said, “Wait a minute I’ve given up beer and you haven’t given up anything!”

She said, “I buy that makeup for you, so I can look pretty for you.”

I told her, “Hell, that’s what the beer was for!”

I don’t think she’ll be back.

~~~

He who cannot forgive others breaks the bridge over which he must pass himself.

George Herbert

~~~

Toward the end of our senior year in high school, we were required to take a CPR course. We used the well known mannequin victim, Resusci-Annie, to practice. Typical of most models, this Resusci-Annie was only a torso to allow for storage in a carrying case.

As instructed, one of my classmates gently shook the doll and asked, “Are you all right?”

He then put his ear over the mannequin’s mouth to listen for breathing. Suddenly he turned to the instructor and exclaimed, “She said she can’t feel her legs!”

~~~

“Why are women wearing perfumes that smell like flowers?

Men don’t like flowers. I’ve been wearing a great scent. It’s called New Car Interior.”

Rita Rudner

~~~

In days past, children were given names that sound strange to us today — Prudence, Charity, Faith, and so on. One boy was named Amazing, and he resented it all his life. People laughed at him because of it. He told his wife that, when the time came, he did not want his name on his tombstone. When he died, she followed his wishes and put on the tombstone, “Here lies a man who was faithful to his wife for 60 years.”

But even in death, he couldn’t escape the curse, because everyone that looked at his tombstone said, “Why, that’s Amazing!”

~~~

“Virtue is often the result of insufficient temptation.”

Cheers, George

~~~

I was flying between Maui and Oahu.  It’s only a 30 minute flight and so, to save money, I flew with a small airline in a little, twin-engine plane. About eight minutes into the flight the pilot announced that we were going to have to turn back due to some engine trouble.

The nervous passenger I was seated next to turned to me and said, “Oh-h-h m-m-my G-g-god.  If we l-l-loose an engine, how f-f-far d-d-do you think the other o-o-one will t-t-take us?”

I told him, “One engine?  Oh, I’m sure it’ll take us all the way to the scene of the crash.  Hell, we’ll probably make good time too.  I bet we beat the paramedics there by at least a half hour!”

~~~

Officer: “Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?” Soldier: “Sure, buddy.”

Officer: “That’s no way to address an officer! Now let’s try it again! Do you have change for a dollar?” Soldier: “No, SIR!”

~~~

No legacy is so rich as honesty.

William Shakespeare

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

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