Ray's musings and humor

Archive for September, 2017

Life can be tough

Ray’s Daily

September 20, 2017

“But what is the use of preaching the Gospel to men whose whole attention is concentrated upon a mad, desperate struggle to keep themselves alive?”

William Booth

empathy-1

I have an early breakfast appointment this morning, it will be the first time in a couple of months that my wife will be in the house alone for an hour or so. I did not get a new Daily written so we will again send you a reprint.

Ray’s Daily first published on September 20, 2006

I worry sometimes that we who have so much find it too easy to judge those that don’t. If I was in an area where I did not have warmth, faced danger on every street corner, had no income, and was hungry most of the time I doubt that I would worry too much about politics. I think that too often the powerful do not hear the voices of the powerless and then they don’t understand when the powerless either give up and die or fight back. I have no answers but I do think that the basic needs of life always come first. I felt the same way a few years ago when I wrote:

You guys know how I feel about most things. Generally I am an optimist and believe that we have the capacity within ourselves to brighten our lives. I do wonder sometimes though if I would feel the same way if I did not have a comfortable situation that meets all my basic needs. I am sure many of you remember Maslowe’s Hierarchy of Needs; in effect he said that food, shelter, etc. are needs that must be met before we can even think about our other options. I am sure you are like I am and are glad that we do have more than the basic comforts. It is however important that we have empathy for others and count our blessings. This is not to say that we don’t have our own problems, the difference between us and those who have no food, no shelter, no life is that we can do something.

~~~

“A hungry people listens not to reason, nor cares for justice, nor is bent by any prayers”

Seneca

~~~

A lady noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach.

Thinking he was trying to weigh less with this maneuver, she commented, “I don’t think that’s going to help.”

“Sure it will.” he said. “It’s the only way I can see the numbers.”

~~~

“I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don’t seem to know what real pain is.  I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.”

Emo Philips

~~~

Growing up as a kid, I learned all about capitalism through the board game Monopoly. I mean, what better way to teach a young mind the way our economy functions. I loved this game and still do. Only now, as an adult I have some questions that remain unanswered.

For instance, if I have all this money and own all this real estate…why am I still driving around in a thimble?

~~~

“On the whole human beings want to be good, but not too good and not quite all the time.”

George Orwell

~~~

Several years ago we had an intern who was not too swift. One day he was typing and turned to a secretary and said, “I’m almost out of typing paper. What do I do”?

“Just use copier paper,” she told him.

With that, the intern took his last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five blank copies.

~~~

Show me a thoroughly satisfied man and I will show you a failure.

Thomas Edison

~~~

A customer at Blockbuster had mentioned that before the movie begins, a message comes on the screen saying, “This movie has been altered to fit your television screen.” He then added, “How do they know what size screen I have”?

~~~

“The only winner in the War of 1812 was Tchaikovsky”

Solomon Short

~~~

New Words for These Times

Abracadabbler: an amateur magician.

Badaptation: a bad movie version of a good book.

Carbage: the trash found in your automobile.

Dadicated: being the best father you can be.

Ecrastinate: checking your e-mail just one more time in the hopes you’ll have something to read or write and not have to do any work.

Faddict: someone who has to try every new trend that comes along.

Gabberflasted: the state of being speechless due to someone else talking too much.

Hackchoo: when you sneeze and cough at the same time. ( Do you still say God Bless You )

Iceburg: an uppity, snobbish neighborhood.

Jobsolete: a position within a company that no longer exists.

Knewlyweds: second marriage for both.

Lamplify: turning on (or up) the lights within a room.

Mandals: sandals for men.

~~~

“Inanimate objects are classified scientifically into three major categories – those that don’t work, those that break down and those that get lost.”

Russell Baker

~~~

In Washington State, a little north of Seattle, is a river called the Stillaguamish, but it wasn’t always called that. It was originally named “Aguamish” after a local Indian tribe.

When Lewis & Clark finally made their way to the west coast they came to the Aguamish tribe and met the chief who told them what the name of the river was and gave them a tour of the area.

Years later Merriweather Lewis returned and met the Aguamish chief again and the subject finally came around to the river:

“Chief, I’ve been told that, because of so many white men have arrived in the area, many of the rivers are being renamed because they couldn’t pronounce the names.  Tell me, what is the name of your river now, please, ” Lewis pleaded.

“Oh,” replied the chief.  “It’s Stillaguamish.”

~~~

If you want to keep on getting what you’re getting, keep on doing what you’re doing.

~~~

He said: My sister has the courage, but not always the skills, to tackle any home repair project.

For example, in her garage are pieces of a lawnmower she once tried to fix. So I wasn’t surprised the day my other sister, Pam, and I found our sister attacking her vacuum cleaner with a screwdriver.

“I can’t get this thing to cooperate,” she explained when she saw us.

Pam suggested, “Why don’t you drag it out to the garage and show it the lawnmower?”

~~~

“It is hard work to be good when you are very little and very hungry, and have many sticks to beat you, and no mother’s lips to kiss you”

Marie Louise De La Ramee

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

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Honor the bridge builders

Ray’s Daily

September 19, 2017

www.rays-daily.com

The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away.

Wilson Mizner

stock-vector-small-wooden-bridge-vector-illustration-75853696

 

As we get older many of us look back on our lives and review the past. If you are like I am you will remember many good things, some not so good things and happenings that you now regret. My regrets are mainly of the opportunities I missed by not stopping to spend time with people I know I would have liked, even worse were when I let minor animosity excuse me from rebuilding a relationship.

Here is the story about a fellow who I could have used a few times in the past, if he had been around my life would have been enriched by folks I now miss.

BUILDING BRIDGES

Once upon a time two brothers who lived on adjoining farms fell into conflict. It was the first serious rift in 40 years of farming side by side, sharing machinery, and trading labor and goods as needed without a hitch. Then the long collaboration fell apart. It began with a small misunderstanding and it grew into a major difference, and finally it exploded into an exchange of bitter words followed by weeks of silence.

One morning there was a knock on John’s door. He opened it to find a man with a carpenter’s toolbox. “I’m looking for a few days work,” he said. “Perhaps you would have a few small jobs here and there. Could I help you?”

“Yes,” said the older brother. “I do have a job for you. Look across the creek at that farm. That’s my neighbor, in fact, it’s my younger brother. Last week there was a meadow between us and he took his bulldozer to the river levee and now there is a creek between us. Well, he may have done this to spite me, but I’ll go him one better. See that pile of lumber curing by the barn? I want you to build me a fence – an 8-foot fence – so I won’t need to see his place anymore. Cool him down, anyhow.”

The carpenter said, “I think I understand the situation. Show me the nails and the post-hole digger and I’ll be able to do a job that pleases you.”

The older brother had to go to town for supplies, so he helped the carpenter get the materials ready and then he was off for the day. The carpenter worked hard all that day measuring, sawing, nailing. About sunset when the farmer returned, the carpenter had just finished his job. The farmer’s eyes opened wide, his jaw dropped.

There was no fence there at all. It was a bridge… a bridge stretching from one side of the creek to the other! A fine piece of work handrails and all – and the neighbor, his younger brother, was coming across, his hand outstretched.

“You are quite a fellow to build this bridge after all I’ve said and done.” The two brothers stood at each end of the bridge, and then they met in the middle, taking each other’s hand. They turned to see the carpenter hoist his toolbox on his shoulder. “No, wait! Stay a few days. I’ve a lot of other projects for you,” said the older brother.

“I’d love to stay on,” the carpenter said, “but, I have many more bridges to build.”

~~~

“Do I not destroy my enemies when I make them my friends?”

Abraham Lincoln

~~~

Did you know that:

Karaoke is a Japanese word meaning “tone deaf”.

Sleep is that fleeting moment just before the alarm goes off.

A cynic is someone who smells the flowers and looks for the casket.

The answer is what everybody is still looking for.

~~~

I’m not aging, I just need re-potting.

~~~

After the christening of his baby brother in church, little Johnny sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car.  His father asked him three times what was wrong.  Finally, the boy replied, “That priest said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I want to stay with you guys!”

~~~

Lord, if I can’t be skinny, let all my friends be fat.

~~~

You admit having broken into the dress shop four times?” asked the judge.

“Yes,” answered the suspect.

“And what did you steal?”

“A dress, Your Honor,” replied the subject.

“One dress?” echoed the judge. “But you admit breaking in four times!”

“Yes, Your Honor,” sighed the suspect. “But three times my wife didn’t like the color.”

~~~

“A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams.”

John Barrymore

~~~

A biology graduate student went to Borneo to take some samples for his thesis work. He flew there and found a guide with a canoe to take him up the river to the remote site he where he would make his collections. On the second day of travel up the river they began to hear drums.

Being a city boy by nature, the biologist was disturbed by this. He asked the guide, “What are those drums?” The guide turned to him and said, “Drums OK, but VERY BAD when they stop.” Well the biologist settled down a little at this, and things went reasonably well for about two weeks.

Then, just as they were packing up the camp to leave, the drums suddenly stopped! This hit the biologist like a ton of bricks, and he yelled at the guide, “The drums have stopped, what happens now?”

The guide crouched down, covered his head with his hands and said, “bass solo.”

~~~

“Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn’t have said.”

~~~

After being with his blind date all evening, the man couldn’t take another minute with her. Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave if something like this happened.

When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, “I have some bad news. My grandfather just died.”

“Thank heavens,” his date replied. “If yours hadn’t, mine would have had to!”

~~~

I’m taking Lamaze classes. I’m not having a baby, I’m just having trouble breathing.

Steven Wright

~~~

A guy walked into a pro-shop with a gorilla. “Is anyone interested in a little wager?” he said, flashing some large bills around. “I’ve got $500.00 here that says my gorilla can hit the ball longer and straighter than anybody here at this club. In fact, he hits it 500 yards …right down the middle…every time!”

Everyone in the pro-shop started laughing. After a moment the newest pro at the club and the longest hitter in the area spoke up, “I gotta see this!” he said. “You know, what? I’ll take you up on that wager! Meet you on the first tee.”

When they reached the 585-yard par-5 first tee the trainer led the gorilla to the tee box, put a driver in his hands, set a tee in the ground. The gorilla did the rest.

Sure enough, he smashed his drive right down the middle and clear out of sight. When the ball finally came to rest it was on the green -6 inches from the cup.

The pro was astonished. “That’s incredible!” he exclaimed. “How did you train him to hit the ball like that! There’s no need for me to tee off. I couldn’t beat him with a stick. Here’s your money.”

As the pro walked off the green, still shaking his head, he turned back to the trainer and said “Oh, by the way, how does he putt?”

The trainer responded, “Just like he drives: 500 yards. Right down the middle. Every time.”

~~~

“Friends are the family you choose”

Jess C. Scott

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

Stay Up

Ray’s Daily

September 18, 2017

www.rays-daily.com

“Don’t let your struggles become your identity.”

stay positive

Over the last couple of months as my wife struggled to regain her health my life took a radical change of direction. All my time has been pretty much dedicated to what I needed to do to keep my house in decent order. meet mandatory obligations and spending time at my wife’s bedside. For the first time in our lives I had no meetings, no classes and only limited contacts with friends and I found I had to work to keep from slipping into gloom.

If I had succumbed to despair I would have been a detriment to her recovery. While I never was a bundle of joy during her illness I was able to stay relatively positive. I recently read an article written by Garret Kramer that offered tips on how we can keep from misery, here are a few of his suggestions.

Things to remember when your state of mind is low

     When you feel low, these reminders will help you get back on the road to the clarity and consciousness that you’re looking for.

Stillpower is always better than willpower.

     From a clear mind-set, we see that life is leading us in a productive direction — no matter what obstacles cross our path. From a cluttered mind-set, we feel the urge to will ourselves through the same obstacles. Don’t forget, if you act from a low state of mind, you are giving wayward thoughts the attention and belief they need to grow. When you don’t tend to your lows they wither away on their own.

You must stay in the game.

     The human mind is designed to regulate to clarity; to freedom. But only if you stay in the game. If you stop living your life to address negative feelings and moods, you are addressing — and fortifying — problems that don’t really exist.

The potential always exists to see life differently.

     No matter how bad life appears, your “issues” will soon look different from a different level of consciousness. Remember, your state of mind is always in flux. It’s a given that, left alone, your feelings and perceptions will improve.

Even when it’s dark the sun is still shining.

     In ancient times, people became extremely distraught when nighttime fell. They had no proof that the sun would rise again, so they looked for all sorts of strategies and tricks to help them manage their fear of darkness. Then, an insightful astronomer named Copernicus came along and proved that the sun, not the earth, was the center of the universe — it was a sure thing that the sun would appear every morning. Hence, knowing how the system worked paved the way for contentment and success.

~~~

“The only thing that stands between a man and what he wants from life is often merely the will to try it and the faith to believe that it is possible. ”

Richard M. DeVos

~~~

She said: I overheard my father telling a family friend about my newly-assigned mission in the U.S. Coast Guard. I work on a cutter that escorts all cruise ships and international vessels under the bridges in California’s Bay Area.

But what my father told his friend was, “She’s involved in some sort of escort service.”

~~~

Being happy doesn’t mean everything’s perfect. It means you’ve decided to see beyond the imperfections.

~~~

A man goes to the doctor with a swollen leg. After a careful examination, the doctor gives the man a pill big enough to choke a horse.

“I’ll be right back with some water,” the doctor tells him.

The doctor has been gone a while and the man loses patience. He hobbles out to the drinking fountain, forces the pill down his throat and gobbles down water until the pill clears his throat. He hobbles back into the examining room.

The doctor comes back with a bucket of warm water. “Ok, after the tablet dissolves, soak that leg for at least 30 minutes.”

~~~

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall but winter didn’t look too promising.

~~~

A husband and wife were involved in a petty argument, both of them unwilling to admit they might be in error. “I’ll admit I’m wrong,” the wife told her husband in a conciliatory attempt, “if you’ll admit I’m right.”

He agreed and, like a gentleman, insisted she go first.

“I’m wrong,” she said.

With a twinkle in his eye, he responded, “You’re right!”

~~~

Death is more universal than life. Everyone dies, but not everyone lives.

Unknown

~~~

A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks his father for advice. The father replies, “Son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy.”

The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain. Ice cream sodas in front of them, they stare at each other for a long time, as the boy’s nervousness builds. He remembers his father’s advice, and chooses the first topic.

He asks the girl, “Do you like potato pancakes?”

She says, “No.” And the silence returns.

After a few more uncomfortable minutes, the boy thinks of his father’s suggestion and turns to the second item on the list.

He asks, “Do you have a brother?”

Again, the girl says, “No.” And there is silence once again.

The boy then plays his last card. He thinks of his father’s advice and asks the girl, “If you had a brother, do you think he would he like potato pancakes?”

~~~

“Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice; it is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved.”

William Jennings Bryan

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

The Best Medicine

Ray’s Daily

September 15, 2017

www.rays-daily.com

Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference.

Winston Churchill

Wake up

As my wife works her way back from illness I truly believe the speed of recovery will be directly proportional to her attitude towards the ordeal. Too many of us let illness take us down making it difficult to work our way back up. The secret is to not give in to remorse and regret while feeling sorry for ourselves. We cannot change history but we can move ahead successfully if we move forward with a positive attitude. The game ends when we give up so stay optimistic about what tomorrow will hold and keep going.

 

Attitude

Rev. Charles Swindoll

The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, then circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think, say, or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill. It will make or break a company, a church, a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day.

We cannot change our past. We cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you. We are in charge of our attitudes.

~~~

A positive attitude causes a chain reaction of positive thoughts, events and outcomes. It is a catalyst and it sparks extraordinary results.

Wade Boggs

~~~

A guy is driving around and he sees a sign in front of a house: “Talking Dog For Sale.” He rings the bell, and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador Retriever sitting there.

“You talk?” he asks. “Yep,” the Lab replies. “So, what’s your story?” The Lab looks up and says, “Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young, and I wanted to help the government; so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running.” “But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger so I wanted to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work,

mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I’m just retired.” The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

“Ten dollars.” The guy says, “This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?” “Because he’s a liar. He didn’t do any of that.”

~~~

“Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.”

Lewis Grizzard

~~~

She said: My fifteen-year-old daughter Tammy was delighted when she got her first job as a hostess at a restaurant that has been owned and operated by the same family for years. At first everything went smoothly, but after a busy Sunday, my daughter returned home exhausted and frustrated. Apparently the owners kept looking over her shoulder, directing every move, and Tammy said she came very close to quitting.

After listening to her tirade of complaints, I responded, “So you don’t like working there anymore?”

“Oh,” my teenager replied, “I like working there just fine. I just don’t like them working there.”

~~~

“Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain – and most fools do.”

Dale Carnegie

~~~

The weather was very hot and this man wanted desperately to take a dive in a nearby lake. He didn’t bring his swimming outfit, but who cared? He was all alone. So he undressed and got into the water.

After some delightful minutes of cool swimming, a pair of old ladies walked onto the shore in his direction. He panicked, got out of the water and grabbed a bucket lying in the sand nearby. He held the bucket in front of his private parts and sighed with relief.

The ladies got nearby and looked at him. He felt awkward and wanted to move. Then one of the ladies said: ‘You know , I have a special gift, I can read minds.’

‘Impossible’, said the embarrassed man, ‘You really know what I think?’

‘Yes’, the lady replied, ‘Right now, I bet you think that the bucket you’re holding has a bottom.’

~~~

Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity.

Henry Van Dyke

~~~

OUR KIDS

BY MOM & DAD

* Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young.

* Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn’t have said.

* Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.

* Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids.

* I love to give homemade gifts. Which one of my kids do you want?

* Children are natural mimics who act like their parents, despite every effort to teach them good manners.

* Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the drive before it has stopped snowing.

* The main purpose of holding children’s parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.

* Grandchildren are God’s reward for not killing your kids.

* You can fool some of the people all of the time and all of the people some of the time, but you can never fool mom.

* A child’s greatest period of growth is the month after you’ve purchased new school clothes.

* Anyone who says “Easy as taking candy from a baby” has never tried it.

~~~

A healthy attitude is contagious but don’t wait to catch it from others. Be a carrier.

Tom Stoppard

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

Albert got it right

Ray’s Daily

September 14, 2017

http://www.rays-daily.com

“Three Rules of Work: Out of clutter find simplicity;

From discord find harmony; In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.”

 Albert Einstein

keep-it-simple

Sorry about no Daily yesterday. I was busy bringing my wife home after her almost two month medical absence. She is on the mend but has a way to go. I am again sending you a past Daily, I hope that’s OK.

 Ray’s Daily first published on September 14, 2006

The speaker at my Kiwanis Club meeting this morning was an expert on organizing ones self. She described how some of us are stackers, some are stuffers, and some are cluterers. Over my life time I have been all of these and am even in retirement. I stack stuff all over the place, books, magazines, CD’s, videos, recipes, you name it and I stack it. That is I stack it up until the night before our cleaning lady is coming, it is then that I become a stuffer. Stacks disappear, they are stuffed into drawers, cabinets, and every other nook and cranny where they stay until the house has been returned to pristine condition. Of course it does not stay that way long, as soon as I need to find something, the stuffed stacks become clutter, much of what then becomes stacks, and the cycle begins all over again.

Of course this smart lady has a better way. She gets everything together and filters, prioritizes, takes action, and then follows up where necessary. One of her tips was to understand that we can get really productive if we set aside a couple of uninterruptible hours in the day to work the system including the dumping of the unimportant things we keep. I know she is right, as often most of the things in my stacks will age until useless or are of such low importance that they will never again see the light of day. Bottom line is that the only person I am fooling by stacking everything is me, of course my wife also shares my frustration in a different way, she just want’s to know when the I am going to get rid of the stacks and clutter.

But all is not lost, I had an eureka moment this morning! I decided that I can interrupt the process of stacking and then stuffing by adding an interim filter process. I came home and began moving stuffed stuff to clutter, but with filtration, and low and behold I was able to get rid of more than half the clutter. My next step is to make the prioritization process a priority, and I will as soon as I get to it.

~~~

“Never again clutter your days or nights with so many menial and unimportant things that you have no time to accept a real challenge when it comes along. This applies to play as well as work. A day merely survived is no cause for celebration. You are not here to fritter away your precious hours when you have the ability to accomplish so much by making a slight change in your routine. No more busy work. No more hiding from success. Leave time, leave space, to grow. Now. Now! Not tomorrow!”

Og Mandino

~~~

How to Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity in the Workplace

-Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t disguise your voice.

-Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. This is especially effective if your boss is of a different gender than you.

-Send e-mails to the rest of the company telling them exactly what you’re doing. For example: “If anyone needs me, I’ll be in the bathroom.”

-Hi-Lite your shoes. Tell people you haven’t lost them as much since you did this.

-Put a chair facing a printer. Sit there all day and tell people you’re waiting for your document.

-Send e-mails back and forth to yourself, engaging yourself in an intellectual debate. Forward the mail to a co-worker and ask her to settle the disagreement.

-Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.

-Put your trash can on your desk. Label it “IN.”

-Send e-mail messages saying there’s free pizza or donuts or cake in the lunchroom. When people drift back to work complaining that they found none, lean back, pat your stomach and say, “Oh you’ve got to be faster than that.”

~~~

Example is not the main thing in influencing others, it is the only thing.

Albert Schweitzer

~~~

I was reminded today just how awful my wife’s cooking was when we were first married. Yes, it’s cliché but it’s true. It was so bad that I teased her relentlessly. Recently, after an exceptionally exquisite meal, I put my fork down and asked her to what she attributed her acquired culinary mastery.

She smiled a warm smile and looked at me as if I were an angel of light delivering divine revelation.

“Well,” she said as her voice took on an ethereal grace, “I believe it is a reflection of my heart. That the joy and love I feel are manifest in my cooking, in my gardening, in our children, in everything! I believe all things in life turn out well if they are done soulfully and honestly.”

“Damn, baby,” I said, my head awhirl at the thoughts and sounds from the woman next to me. “I’m going to call that shrink of yours and tell him he has finally nailed the combination of Prozac, Lithium and Paxil.”

~~~

Why do you never hear father-in-law jokes?

~~~

“According to a study, they found common words used by happy people are, joy, love and hopeful. And they also found common words used by other people to describe happy people. Annoying, irritating, obnoxious…”

Jay Leno

~~~

EXPECTANT MOTHER TO DOCTOR: Since I became pregnant, my breasts, rear end, and even my feet have grown. Is there anything that gets smaller during pregnancy?

DOCTOR:  Yes, your bladder.

~~~

A school girl was required to write an essay of two hundred and fifty words about an automobile. She submitted the following:

“My uncle bought a second-hand automobile. He was riding in the country when it busted going up a hill. I guess this is about fifty words. The other two hundred are what my uncle said when he was walking back to town, but they are not fit for publication.”

~~~

For every minute you are angry, you lose sixty seconds of happiness.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

~~~

On their 40th wedding anniversary and during the banquet celebrating it, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration.

“Tell us Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?”

Tom responds, “Well, I’ve learned that marriage is the best teacher of all.  It teaches you loyalty, forbearance, meekness, self-restraint, forgiveness — and a great many other qualities you wouldn’t have needed if you’d stayed single.”

~~~

“Whenever I dwell for any length of time on my own shortcomings, they gradually begin to seem mild, harmless, rather engaging little things, not at all like the staring defects in other people’s characters.”

Margaret Halsey

~~~

A man is driving on the highway when his wife calls him on his cell phone. “Honey, be careful. I heard on the news that there is a car on the road driving the wrong way.”

To this the man replies, “One? They’re ALL going the wrong way!”

~~~

The trouble with so many of us is that we underestimate the power of simplicity. We have a tendency it seems to over complicate our lives and forget what’s important and what’s not. We tend to mistake movement for achievement. We tend to focus on activities instead of results. And as the pace of life continues to race along in the outside world, we forget that we have the power to control our lives regardless of what’s going on outside.

Robert Stuberg

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

Do Good Stuff

Ray’s Daily

September 12, 2017

www.rays-daily.com

The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.

Mark Twain

Do good stuff

The precreation for my wife’s return home tomorrow has worn me out. So I am again sending you a Daily from yesteryear.

Ray’s Daily first published on September 12, 2008

I had the good fortune yesterday to lunch with two special friends after which we visited a community event that included displays of various organizations that do good work in our city. As we walked and stopped and talked it again became obvious to me that there is something extraordinary about both my friends and the people we met, they all care for others. Of course my pals are always warm, outgoing and caring, I think it is their nature to understand that life can be happy. But now I also think they, like the people we met benefit by the spirit of giving and helping others.

We had eaten our lunch in warm sunshine outside a city market and enjoyed one of my favorite things, watching the world go by. The day was beautiful, the food good, the companionship outstanding but it got even better when we had walked the few blocks to visit the circle in the center of our city where so many were waiting to greet us and others. The smiles and enthusiasm of the people we met sharing with us the opportunities they were offering to people like you and me to do something of value made the day even brighter.

After being there I again understood just how doing something for others can add to our lives and we can even do it without a lot of time and effort. In fact here are some tips offered by author, philosopher, and former Sandra Day O’Conner’s Supreme Court clerk, Gretchen Rubin on doing something nice in only a few minutes

Six tips for good deeds that take less than five minutes.

Do good, feel good” is one of the great truths of happiness — but you may be thinking, “Sure, good deeds would make me happy, but I barely have time to get through the essentials of my day. I don’t have time to do any good deeds!” Wrong. Here are some ways that you can help other people—and make yourself feel great, at the same time—in under five minutes.

  1. Be friendly. I’ve decided that there are five degrees of social interactions with strangers: hostile, rude, neutral, polite, and friendly. I find it very difficult to be downright friendly to strangers, but I always find myself energized and cheered by a friendly interaction. It only takes an extra minute to exchange a few pleasant words, but it makes a real difference.
  2. Say “yes.” If you can, and if you should, say “yes.”
  3. Say “no.” My sister, who is a TV-writer in Hollywood, once told me, “’Yes’ comes right away; ‘no’ never comes.” Meaning, for example, that when she’s pitched an idea, if she doesn’t hear “yes” right away, it means they don’t like the idea. I’ve found this precept to be widely true. In many circumstances, we find it hard to say “no” — partly because it will hurt someone’s feelings, partly because it closes a possibility that could otherwise remain open. But waiting to hear “no” saps people’s energy by keeping them hoping for an answer they aren’t going to get. If someone is waiting for your “No,” put them out of their misery.
  4. Sign up on the national organ-donor registry. This takes no time at all, and the consequences could be HUGE! Tell your family that you signed up, too. Remember, the one minute that someone takes, right now, to sign up on the registry might save YOUR life six months from now. And vice versa.
  5. Lead them not into temptation. It can feel generous, friendly, and fun-loving to urge people to take another piece of cake, to drink another glass of wine, or to make an extra purchase, or to urge them to give themselves a break by skipping the gym, skipping class, or quitting smoking next week instead of today. But when you see people truly trying to resist temptation, encourage them to stick to their resolutions.
  6. Do someone else’s chore. Don’t you sometimes wish that someone would do one of your little jobs? If nothing else, to show an awareness of the fact that you faithfully do it, day after day? Emptying the diaper pail or starting the office coffee-pot, even though it’s not “your” job, helps people feel appreciated and cared for. One of my Twelve Commandments is to “Spend out,” which reminds me not to keep score, not to focus so much on everything coming out even – like chores.

Just think how much better our days would be if we all followed Gretchen’s advice be caring for ourselves by caring a little bit more for others.

~~~

The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance; the wise grows it under his feet.

James Openheim

~~~

JOB SEEKERS FROM THE PAST

Julius Caesar: My last job involved a lot of office politics and back stabbing. I’d like to get away from all that.

Jesse James: I can list among my experiences and skills: leadership, extensive travel, logistical organization, intimate understanding of firearms, and a knowledge of security measures at numerous banks.

Pandora: I can bring a lot to your company. I like discovering new things.

Lady Godiva: What do you mean this isn’t business casual?

~~~

“A cynic is not merely one who reads bitter lessons from the past, he is one who is prematurely disappointed in the future.”

Sidney J. Harris

~~~

My sister had been ill, so I called to see how she was doing. My ten-year-old niece answered the phone.

“Hello,” she whispered. “Hi, Honey. How’s your mother doing?” I asked.

“She’s sleeping,” she answered, again in a whisper.

“Did she go to the doctor?” I asked.

“Yes. She got some medicine,” my niece said softly.

“Well, don’t wake her. Just tell her I called. What are you doing, by the way?”

Again in a soft whisper, she answered, “Practicing my trumpet.”

~~~

One is not rich by what one owns, but more by what one is able to do without with dignity.

Immanuel Kant

~~~

To make it possible for everyone to attend church on Sunday, we are proposing to have a special “No Excuse Sunday.”

  1. Cots will be placed in the foyer for those who say, “But, Sunday is my *only* day to sleep in.”
  2. They will have steel helmets for those who say, “The roof will cave in if I ever came to church.”
  3. Blankets will be furnished for those who say it is too cold and fans will be furnished for those who say it is too hot.

4.There will be hearing aids for those who say, “The pastor speaks too softly,” and cotton for those who say, “He preaches too loudly.”

  1. Scorecards will be available for those who wish to list the hypocrites present.
  2. Some relatives will be in attendance for those who like to go visiting on Sunday.
  3. There will be TV dinners for those who can’t go to church and cook dinner too.
  4. Golf clubs will be available for practice swings for those who like to golf on Sunday.

~~~

“What do we live for; if it is not to make life less difficult for each other?”

Mary Ann Evans

~~~

A doctor told Mrs. Stone to give her husband one pill a day and one drink of whiskey to improve his stamina. A month later when Mrs. Stone came in for another visit, the doctor asked, “How are we doing with the pill and the whiskey?”

Mrs. Stone answered, “Well, he’s a little behind with the pills, but he’s about six months ahead with the whiskey.”

~~~

I long to accomplish a great and noble tasks, but it is my chief duty to accomplish humble tasks as though they were great and noble. The world is moved along, not only by the mighty shoves of its heroes, but also by the aggregate of the tiny pushes of each honest worker.

Helen Keller

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

Fresh Start

Ray’s Daily

September 11, 2012

www.rays-daily.com

The past cannot be changed. The future is yet in your power.

future-is-ours

My wife and I are about to enter the next phase of our lives. She will be returning home in a few days after almost a two month stay in hospitals and a rehabilitation facility. Her recovery was traumatic and difficult, fortunately she does not remember just how bad it was. She still has a long way to go as she recovers her strength and capabilities.

I am going to do all I can to make her rehabilitation as smooth as possible. I will be doing so with a big assist from my family and health professionals.

I recently read an article in the New York Times entitled No, It’s Not Too Late. There’s Only One Real Finish Line in Life, written by Tim Herrera that reminded me that we still have a lot of life ahead of us.

Here is an excerpt from his article.

As we age, we tend to perceive time as exponentially accelerating; the more time that passes, the more we perceive it as running out. This seems natural, and our friends at Scientific American have noted a handful of theories about why. But my favorite is this: As we age, we simply pay less attention to time. When we’re younger and our birthday is approaching, it occupies a disproportionate amount of our attention because we just don’t have that much else going on. But one’s 35th birthday is just another workday to stress over in between worry over paying rent and worry about our phone’s data usage this month.

But let’s come back to life’s finish line. It may seem like the last decade whizzed by, but it doesn’t have any bearing on the present or the future.

Even better, the science is with us: According to the Centers for Disease Control, learning new skills and staying socially engaged in activities as we age can lead to better physical and mental health, and “learning a new activity for older people can provide some ‘insurance’ against memory loss.”

~~~

Let us make our future now, and let us make our dreams tomorrow’s reality.

Malala Yousafzai

~~~

Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn’t find a parking place.  Looking up to heaven he said, “Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!”

Miraculously, a parking place appeared. Paddy looked up again and said, “Never mind, Lord, I found one.”

~~~

To find a fault is easy; to do better may be difficult.

Plutarch

~~~

During the jury-selection process, the judge asked a prospective juror some questions. “Have you formed any opinion about the guilt or innocence of the man on trial, Mr. Ferguson?”

“None whatsoever,” Ferguson answered.

“Are you opposed to capital punishment?” the judge asked.

“Certainly not in this case.”

~~~

We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations – we’re doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.

Rodney Dangerfield

~~~

A little boy was eating breakfast one morning and got to thinking about things.

“Mommy, mommy, why doesn’t daddy have very many hairs on his head?” he asked his mother.

“He thinks a lot,” replied his mother, pleased with herself for coming up with such a diplomatic explanation for her husband’s baldness.

Or she was until her son thought for a second and asked, “So, why do you have so much hair?”

~~~

A bore is a person who talks so much about himself that you don’t get a chance to talk about yourself.

~~~

Susie is walking around in a supermarket calling out, “Crisco, Crisssssssco!”

Soon a store clerk approaches and says, “Lady, the Crisco is in aisle D.”

Susie replies, “Oh, I’m not looking for the cooking stuff. I’m calling my husband.”

The clerk is astonished. “Your husband’s name is Crisco?”

Susie answers, “Oh no, no, no. I only call him that when we’re out in public.”

“I see,” said the clerk. “What do you call him at home?”

Susie smiles and says, “Lard ass.”

~~~

Life intrudes.

~~~

A man appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.

“Have you ever done anything of particular merit”? St. Peter asked.

“Well, I can think of one thing,” the man offered. “Once, on a trip to the Black Hills, out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of bikers, who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn’t listen. So, I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him in his face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring and threw it on the ground. I yelled, “Now, back off or I’ll ruin you all!”

St. Peter was impressed. “When did this happen”? He asked.

“Just a couple of minutes ago.”

~~~

Woman shopping for wallpaper to clerk: “Now we’re getting somewhere.  That’s the exact opposite of what I’m looking for.”

~~~

A man went to see his doctor because his hands kept shaking.

“Do you drink much?” asked the doctor.

“No,” said the man. “I spill most of it”.

~~~

Learn to enjoy every minute of your life. Be happy now. Don’t wait for something outside of yourself to make you happy in the future. Think how really precious is the time you have to spend, whether it’s at work or with your family. Every minute should be enjoyed and savored.

Earl Nightingale

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

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