Work on yourself first, take responsibility for your own progress.
We’ve talked a lot lately about how much better life is when we unload some of our burdens. Too many of us take on more than we can comfortably do, others are led down a path by friends, managers or family to a place they really shouldn’t be. The tough part is that it is not easy to gracefully get back on track.
It is even harder if we ourselves are part of the problem. Our fear of doing what we need to do just delays our finding happiness and as each day goes by our burdens weigh even more heavily on our minds. It will never get better if we don’t find the self-confidence we need to stand up for ourselves.
Someone told me recently that I never seemed to hold back and that they thought it was refreshing that I spoke my mind rather than said what I thought people wanted to hear. I hope it was a compliment.
Here is an edited piece written by Laura G. Jones that I wish I had read when I was younger and not as confident.
How to Accept Yourself Fully
It’s Not The End Of The World
Put yourself in the situation of your fear being true. The first step of what you dreaded has happened. What now?
If you really think about it, you may just realize that it’s not that big of a deal. You live and let live. You just move on. You won’t die. You’ll be just fine. You might even learn a thing or two from it.
Maybe you’ll realize what ended up happening was actually better than what you had initially planned. Maybe you will be glad it all happened this way after all.
Anxiety and worry focus on a narrow perspective. They turn a potential event into a major threat by blowing up the negative consequences.
People Want To Like You
Contrary to my inner ramblings, no one was really out to hate and humiliate me. Au contraire. People feel lonely. They are looking for a pleasant encounter — someone to like. As much as hating and yelling can be cathartic, doing that is not pleasant by any meaning of the word.
The people you’re interacting with are people who have something or another in common with you — whether it be that you simply take the same train to work, are both looking for a match (e.g., company — employee) or are in some way connected to you (professor, boss).
As long as you treat them with respect, love, and trust, they don’t give a rat’s booty about what shortcomings you have. Besides, they have their own shortcomings to worry about. (You’re not the only one feeling like a fraud, no matter how much you think you are).
You’re Using the Wrong Mirror
When you criticize yourself, the default mirror you’re looking at yourself with is that ginormous super-mirror that shows off every little imperfection. You see everything that you don’t like within yourself, and you cringe, because others don’t seem to have those things. But what you’re really doing is comparing apples to oranges, because you can’t look at others with that mirror. You see them with a much bigger mirror, one that makes those imperfections much smaller and showcases their positive qualities just as much.
So switch the mirror you look at yourself with. Take some perspective. See yourself for who you really are. Keep a long, open list of reasons why you’re not a fraud — in all facets of your life. With evidence.
Actually notice when you do something well, and don’t be afraid to pat yourself on your back — loving yourself does not lead to cockiness or a loss of friends. When you catch yourself being stuck in worry and anxiety, pull out the notebooks, or even a sheet of paper. Write down everything that is good and amazing about yourself — it’s only fair to balance out the mirrors.
He who is of calm and happy nature will hardly feel the pressure of age, but to him who is of an opposite disposition youth and age are equally a burden.
One evening a preschooler, Kristel, and her parents were sitting on the couch chatting. Kristel asked, ” Daddy, you’re the boss of the house, right?” Her father proudly replied, “Yes, I am the boss of the house.”
But Kristel added “Cause Mommy put you in charge, huh Daddy?”
I have been a nutritional overachiever.
Here lies my wife,
I bid her goodbye.
She rests in peace
and now so do I.
Here lies Henry Blake
He stepped on the gas
Instead of the brake.
I am having an out of money experience.
“Oh, No!” he gasped as he surveyed the disaster before him. Never in his 40 years of life had he seen anything like it. How anyone could have survived he did not know. He could only hope that somewhere amid the overwhelming destruction he would find his 16-year-old son. Only the slim hope of finding Danny kept him from turning and fleeing the scene. He took a deep breath and proceeded. Walking was virtually impossible with so many things strewn across his path. He moved ahead slowly.
“Danny! Danny!” he whispered to himself. He tripped and almost fell several times. He heard someone, or something, move. At least he thought he did. Perhaps, he was just hoping he did. He shook his head and felt his gut tighten. He couldn’t understand how this could have happened.
There was some light but not enough to see very much. Something cold and wet brushed against his hand. He jerked it away. In desperation, he took another step then cried out, “Danny!”
From a nearby pile of unidentified material, he heard his son. “Yes, Dad,” he said, in a voice so weak he could hardly hear.
“It’s time to get up and get ready for school,” the man sighed, “and, for heaven’s sake, clean up this room.”
Law of the Search: The first place to look for anything is the last place you would expect to find it. Corollary: It will not be in the last place you expect to find it.
The tiresome jury selection process continued, each side hotly contesting and dismissing potential jurors. Don O’Brian was called for his question session.
“Yes, I am, Your Honor.”
“Married or single?”
“Married for twenty years, Your Honor.”
“Formed or expressed an opinion?”
“Not in twenty years, Your Honor.”
“We can easily manage if we will only take, each day, the burden appointed to it. But the load will be too heavy for us if we carry yesterday’s burden over again today, and then add the burden of the morrow before we are required to bear it.”
Stay well, do good work, and have fun.
Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.
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