Ray's musings and humor

ZZZZZZZZZ

If I had my life to live over,

I would perhaps have more actual troubles but I’d have fewer imaginary ones. 

Don Herold

 

 

I have writers block today so I have been worried about what I would send you to start the weekend. Then I found the following note in my archives. So rather than worry the hell with it, I am sending this as is and then I am taking a nap. Why worry, it’s over. Any way here is what I found.

PS I am so tired that I also stole the jokes from my February 22, 2001 daily.

 

No Reason to Worry

Though there will always be things to worry about, there is never any good reason to worry. For worry accomplishes nothing positive. Not only does worry waste your time and drain your energy. It also keeps you focused on the negative aspects of life, and gives those negative things more power. Sure, there are things that trouble you, things that need to be changed. Rather than worrying about them, go to work on them. You’ll never completely eliminate all the possible things about which to worry. Yet you can completely eliminate worry itself.

Try thinking of something that troubles you, and then let yourself peacefully accept it in the moment. Know that your positive thoughts and actions are the best way to make it better.

Stop worrying about life and start living it with power and positive purpose. You’ll be amazed at the difference it can make.

~~~

Worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but it gets you nowhere.

Glenn Turner

~~~

Benefits for members of THE SOCIETY OF CHILDLIKE GROWNUPS.

As a member in good standing, you are hereby entitled to:

Act Silly,

Hold hands, Hug and kiss,

Dance!

Fly Kites,

Laugh out loud and cry out loud,

Just wander around,

Wonder(??) about stuff.

"IT’S NEVER TOO LATE TO HAVE A HAPPY CHILDHOOD, AND TO MAKE SURE THAT OTHERS DO, TOO!!!"

~~~

If You Want Breakfast In Bed, Sleep In the Kitchen

~~~

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the person behind the wheel was knitting!

The trooper cranked down his window and yelled to the driver, "PULL OVER!"

"NO!" the driver yelled back, "SCARF."

~~~

Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.
~~~

He said that these are little known facts about women

 

·      "Oh, nothing," has an entirely different meaning in woman language than it does in man language.

·      Women cannot use a map without turning the map to correspond to the direction that they are heading.

·      All women are overweight by definition; don’t agree with them about it.  Women always have 5 pounds to lose, but don’t bring this up unless they really have 5 pounds to gain.

·      Only women understand the reason for "guest towels" and the "good china".

·      Women can get out of speeding tickets by pouting. This will get men arrested.

·      Women don’t really care about a sense of humor in a guy despite claims to the contrary. You don’t see women trampling over Tom Cruise to get to Gilbert Gottfried, do you?

·      Women will spend hours dressing up to go out, and then they’ll go out and spend more time checking out other women. Men can never catch women checking out other men; women will always catch men checking out other women.

~~~

"Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies."

~~~

She said these are the REAL facts about women:

·      Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations and challenges, but eventually you find a hairstylist you like.

·      One of the life’s mysteries is how a two pound box of candy can make a woman gain five pounds.

·      The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing in the right place, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

·      Time may be a great healer, but it’s also a lousy beautician.

·      Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.

·      Life not only begins at forty, it begins to show.

·      If at first you don’t succeed, see if the loser gets anything.

·      Amazing! You just hang something in your closet for a while, and it shrinks two sizes.

·      It is bad to suppress laughter; it goes back down and spreads to your hips.

·      Age is important only if you’re cheese or wine.

·      The only time a woman wishes she were a year older is when she is expecting a baby.

·      Freedom of the press means no-iron clothes.

·      Inside some of us is a thin person struggling to get out, but she can usually be sedated with a few pieces of chocolate cake.

~~~

Blessed are the flexible, for they can tie themselves into knots.

~~~

A distraught patient phoned her doctor’s office. "Is it true," the woman wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?"

"Yes, I’m afraid so," the doctor told her.

There was a moment of silence before the woman continued, "I wonder then, just how serious is my condition. This prescription is marked ‘NO REFILLS’."

~~~

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not sure

~~~

Every evening, a mother and her young son, knelt down beside his bed so he could say his prayers. One night, obviously bored with the same old prayer, the little boy said this: "Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep, if I should die before I wake…… can I have breakfast with you in the morning?"

~~~

It’s bad luck to be superstitious.

~~~

"If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant: if we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome. "

Charlotte Bronte

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world.
 

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