Ray's musings and humor

Archive for February, 2008

Is your glass satisfactory?

“If you limit your choices only to what seems possible or reasonable, you disconnect yourself from what you truly want, and all that is left is compromise.”

Robert Fritz

 

 

I had breakfast with an academic friend this morning who is at a point in her life where she can make some decisions on what she wants to do in the years ahead. She has many options and as we talked we got to the proverbial question asking if she felt her glass was half empty or half full. I suggested that the better question is, does she have the right size glass? It seems like we constrain ourselves to looking at choices only in the framework of our current situation rather than looking at it without the restraints placed upon us by where we are today.

When I start to think about the vessel my life is stored in I can open my mind to containers that may be smaller, bigger, or different in other respects. Do I really have to stay in this job? Am I limited to the hobbies I already have? Do I have to live here? The alternatives are many; I think you get the idea. If we unleash ourselves we are free to explore alternatives that may be better suited to what we really want.

As we spoke we realized that the question should not start with the vessel but rather with the contents we want to put in it. When we inventory where we are and where we might like to go we can start to build lists of desirables which then become potential content for our glass. Do we want more time for ourselves, or maybe less? Do we want to live in a warmer climate? Read more, play more, meet more people, change jobs, and on…..and on….and on. Of course we don’t have to store everything at first, at least not all that we want, for if we choose a larger vessel we can always add more content later. If we know what we want to store we can then pick an appropriate container, and then a better question may be to ask is the glass full yet and if not why not?

My friend has an unbelievable set of skills and interests as well as opportunities; it is up to her to decide what she wants to keep and what kind of glass she wants to store them in. I wish her luck as too many choices are often more burdensome than too few choices.

~~~

“When you have to make a choice and don’t make it, that is in itself a choice.”

William James

~~~

As the plane was flying low over some hills near Athens, a lady asked the stewardess, "What’s that stuff all over those hills?"

"Just snow," replied the stewardess.

"That’s what I thought," said the lady, "but this fellow in front of me said it was Greece."

~~~

The person who says it cannot be done should not interrupt the person doing it.

Chinese proverb

~~~

A New York woman was at her East Side hairdresser’s getting her hair styled prior to a trip to Rome with her boyfriend. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser who responded, "Why would anyone want to go to Rome? It’s crowded and dirty and, worse yet, full of Italians. You’re crazy to go to Rome."

"So how are you getting there?"

"We’re flying Continental," was the reply. We got a good rate."

"Continental," exclaimed the hairdresser, "that’s a terrible airline. Their planes are old. Their flight attendants are ugly and they’re always late." "So, where are you staying in Rome?", asked the hairdresser.

"We’ll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome’s left side called Teste…."

"Don’t go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks it’s gonna be something special and exclusive but it’s really a dump – the worst hotel in the whole city! The rooms are small, the service is surly and they’re way overpriced." "So, whatcha doing when you get there?", quizzed the hairdresser.

"We’re going to go to see the Vatican and we are hoping to see the Pope."

"That’s rich," laughed the hairdresser, "you and a million other people trying to see him. He’ll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You’re sure going to need it."

A month later, the woman, all smiling, came in for her hair appointment. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome.

"It was absolutely wonderful," explained the woman, "not only did we arrive on time in one of Continental’s brand new jets but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful and I had a handsome 28-year old steward who waited on me hand and foot." "And the hotel – it was fabulous! They’d just finished a $5 million remodeling job and now it’s just a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They too, were overbooked so they apologized and gave us their owner’s suite at no extra charge"

"Well, muttered the hairdresser, "I know you didn’t get to see the Pope.

"Actually, we were quite lucky because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the Pope likes to personally meet some of the visitors and if I’d be so kind to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me." "Sure enough, five minutes later, the Holy Father walked through the door and shook my hand. I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me."

"Really?" asked the hairdresser, "What’d he say?"

He said, "Where did you get that crappy hairdo?"

~~~

I made a mental note, but forgot where I put it.

~~~

Defendant: Judge, I want you to appoint me another lawyer.  

Judge: And why is that?  

Defendant: Because the Public Defender isn’t interested in my case.  

Judge (to Public Defender): Do you have any comments on the defendant’s motion?  

Public Defender: I’m sorry, Your Honor, what did you say?

~~~

Reflect upon your present blessings, of which every man has many, not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some.

Charles Dickens

~~~

A fellow in a bar notices a woman, always alone, come in on a fairly regular basis. After the second week, he made his move.

"No thank you." she said politely.

"This may sound rather odd in this day and age, but I’m keeping myself pure until I meet the man I can love."

"That must be rather difficult." the man replied.

"Oh, I don’t mind too much." she said. "But, it has my husband pretty upset."

~~~

She said: An argument with my husband tends to make me want to clean something . . . with his toothbrush.

~~~

A friend of mine was in the hospital awaiting the arrival of her first child. When I telephoned the hospital to see if the baby had arrived, Dr. Wilson said it had.

I asked if it was a boy or girl and was told that it was against hospital policy to give that information out over the phone.

"Fine," I said. "I can understand that. But can you tell me what she didn’t have"?

"It wasn’t a boy," replied Dr. Wilson.

~~~

"A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing."

Emo Philips

~~~

Our local newspaper ran several stories about a study that tied female obesity to a virus. One evening my sister came home exhausted from a long day at work.  

"Did you read the paper?" she asked. "I’m not going in to work tomorrow. I’m calling in fat."  

~~~

“You have it easily in your power to increase the sum total of this world’s happiness now. How? By giving a few words of sincere appreciation to someone who is lonely or discouraged. Perhaps you will forget tomorrow the kind words you say today, but the recipient may cherish them over a lifetime.”

Dale Carnegie

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world.

 

Do you know how well you are doing?

Rest satisfied with doing well, and leave others to talk of you as they please.

Pythagoras

 

 

I like many others sometimes wonder if what I am doing has value. At one time the question was centered on value in the eyes of others but I have mostly outgrown the need for approval from others, so now the question is centered on value in my own eyes. What brought the question to mind was an article I read recently written by Zig Ziglar. I am not a very religious person yet his message says it so well that I wanted to share the article with you.

 

Ziglar wrote:

People frequently ask me, “How can I know when I am doing better than good?” I thought about that question and came up with 15 ways to measure yourself. Take a look and see what you think:

  • You are doing better than good when you clearly understand that failure is an event, not a person; that yesterday ended last night, and today is your brand new day.
  • You are doing better than good when you have made friends with your past, are focused on the present, and optimistic about your future.
  • You are doing better than good when you know that success (a win) doesn’t make you, and failure (a loss) doesn’t break you.
  • You are doing better than good when you are filled with faith, hope and love; and live without anger, greed, guilt, envy or thoughts of revenge.
  • You are doing better than good when you are mature enough to delay gratification and shift your focus from your rights to your responsibilities.
  • You are doing better than good when you know that failure to stand for what is morally right is the prelude to being the victim of what is criminally wrong.
  • You are doing better than good when you are secure in who you are, so you are at peace with God and in fellowship with man.
  • You are doing better than good when you have made friends of your adversaries, and have gained the love and respect of those who know you best.
  • You are doing better than good when you understand that others can give you pleasure, but genuine happiness comes when you do things for others.
  • You are doing better than good when you are pleasant to the grouch, courteous to the rude, and generous to the needy.
  • You are doing better than good when you love the unlovable, give hope to the hopeless, friendship to the friendless, and encouragement to the discouraged.
  • You are doing better than good when you can look back in forgiveness, forward in hope, down in compassion, and up with gratitude.
  • You are doing better than good when you know that "he who would be the greatest among you must become the servant of all."
  • You are doing better than good when you recognize, confess, develop and use your God-given physical, mental and spiritual abilities to the glory of God and for the benefit of mankind.
  • You are doing better than good when you stand in front of the Creator of the universe and He says to you, "Well done, thou good and faithful servant."

Think over each one of these 15 ideas and see how you can incorporate them into your life so that you truly are better than good!

~~~

All of us want to do well. But if we do not do good, too, then doing well will never be enough.

Anna Quindlen

~~~

A magazine recently ran a "Dilbert Quotes" contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real-life Dilbert-type managers. hese were voted the top ten quotes from the Dilberts we work for in orporate America, circa 2004:

  • "As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday, and employees will receive their cards in two weeks." (This was the winning quote from Fred Dales, Microsoft Corp. in Redmond WA)
  • "What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter." (Lykes Lines Shipping)
  • "E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business." (Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)
  • "This project is so important we can’t let things that are more important interfere with it." (Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)
  • "No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We’ve been working on it for months. Now go act busy for a few weeks and I’ll let you know when it’s time to tell them." (R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.)
  • Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say." (Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)
  • My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I told my Boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday. He said, "That would be better for me." (Shipping executive, FTD Florists)
  • "We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees." (Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)
  • "Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule." (Plant Manager, Delco Corporation)

~~~

He does the work of 3 men… Moe, Larry & Curly.

~~~

There is an old story about a mother who walks in on her six-year-old son and finds him sobbing.

"What’s the matter"? she asks.

"I’ve just figured out how to tie my shoes."

"Well, honey, that’s wonderful. You’re growing up, but why are you crying"?

"Because," he says. "Now I’ll have to do it every day for the rest of my life."

~~~

“It is better to suffer wrong than to do it, and happier to be sometimes cheated than not to trust.”

Dr. Samuel Johnson

~~~

A woman, searching for a job, inquired about the benefits. The Personnel Manager informed her they had group health and life insurance, but the costs were deducted from the employee’s pay.  

She said, "My last employer had full health coverage, as well as five years salary for life insurance and a month’s sick leave AND they paid the full premiums."  

"I can’t help but asking madam why you would leave a job with such benefits," the interviewer replied.  

The woman shrugged her shoulders and said, "The company went bankrupt."  

~~~

She said she believe in clubs for men – only after kindness fails.

~~~

The Lamaze class was in full swing. The room was full of pregnant women and their partners. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly and was telling the men how to give the necessary assurances to their partners at this stage of the pregnancy.

She said, "Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier!"

She then looked at the men in the room. "And gentlemen, remember. You’re in this together. It wouldn’t hurt you to go walking with your partner."

The room suddenly got very quiet as everyone absorbed this information. Then a man at the back of the room slowly raised his hand.

"Yes"? answered the instructor.

"I was just wondering, wouldn’t it be even more beneficial to her if she carried a golf bag while we walk"?

~~~

How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of the weak and the strong. Because someday in life, you will have been all of these.

George Washington Carver

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world.

 

What! You expect me to pay my debt

“Avoiding likewise the accumulation of debt, not only by shunning occasions of expense, but by vigorous exertions in time of peace to discharge the debts which unavoidable wars have occasioned, not ungenerously throwing upon posterity the burden.”

George Washington

 

 

My bronchitis has subsided enough that I will be venturing out for a couple of meetings today. At least that is the plan. Since I am moving slow and have a semi-full day I went back and dug up another blast from the past. When I found the daily I sent five years ago I saw that what I wrote then applies today as I watch the stock market and home values deteriorate as the interest on the national debt has more than doubled.

~~~

February 13, 2003

If you are like we are, you are experiencing shrinking income. We have seen a major drop in the value and yield of our retirement funds. I thought I had found the answer; I was going to use the administrations model. I was going to borrow large sums and just pay the interest and let my kids worry about paying my debts after I am gone, even though there will be less of them working and their expenses will be higher than today’s. But after listening to Allen Greenspan testify that the administrations plan won’t work and will drive up interest rates, I decided I better not try it. I had already heard that interest payments on the national debt could again soar to $200 billion dollars a year. Anyway I did not think it was fair for me to spend and then leave my kids with the job of figuring out how to pay what I owed. So, differently than the President’s plan I will work to increase my income, pay my debts, and limit my expenditures. I hope that no one will think that I am unpatriotic as I try to maintain fiscal responsibility.

~~~

Finance is the art of passing currency from hand to hand until it finally disappears.

Robert W. Sarnoff

~~~

She said:

Before I was a Mom – I slept as late as I wanted and never worried about how late I got into bed. I brushed my hair and my teeth everyday.

Before I was a Mom – I cleaned my house each day. I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby. I didn’t worry whether or not my plants were poisonous. I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom – I had never been puked on – Pooped on – Spit on – Chewed on, or Peed on. I had complete control of my mind and My thoughts. I slept all night

Before I was a Mom – I never held down a screaming child So that doctors could do tests…Or give shots. I never looked into teary eyes and cried. I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin. I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom – I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn’t want to put it down. I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn’t stop the hurt. I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much. I never knew that I could love someone so much. I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom – I didn’t know the feeling of having my heart outside my body. I didn’t know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby. I didn’t know that bond between a mother and her child. I didn’t know that something so small could make me feel so important.

Before I was a Mom – I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay. I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache, the wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom. I didn’t know I was capable of feeling so much before I was a Mom.

~~~

When a man marries a woman, they become one, but the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

~~~

Letters Of Recommendations For Employees

 

For the chronically absent:

"A man like him is hard to find."

"It seemed his career was just taking off."

For the office drunk:

"I feel his real talent is wasted here."

"We generally found him loaded with work to do."

For an employee with no ambition:

"He could not care less about the number of hours he had to put in."

"You would indeed be fortunate to get this person to work for you."

"He consistently achieves the standards he sets for himself."

For an employee who is so unproductive that the job is better left unfilled:

"I can assure you that no person would be better for the job."

For an employee who is not worth further consideration as a job candidate:

"I would urge you to waste no time in making this candidate an offer of employment."

"All in all, I cannot say enough good things about this candidate or recommend him too highly."

~~~

How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?

~~~

Little Johnny and his friend were always boasting of their parents’ achievements to each other.

Friend: ‘Have you ever heard of the Suez Canal?’

Little Johnny: ‘Yes, I have’

Friend: ‘Well, my father dug it.’

Little Johnny: ‘That’s nothing, have you ever heard of Dead Sea?’

Friend: ‘Yes, I have.’

Little Johnny: ‘Well, my father killed it.

~~~

"My Dog Can Lick Anyone"

~~~

Ken sent us this that was written by a class of 8 year olds

  • A grandmother is a lady who has no little children of her own. She likes other peoples. A grandfather is a man grandmother. Grandfathers don’t have to do anything except be there when we come to see them.
  • They are so old they shouldn’t play hard or run. It is good if they drive us to the store and have lots of quarters for us. When they take us for walks, they slow down past things like pretty leaves and caterpillars. They show us and talk to us about the color of the flowers and also don’t step on "cracks." They don’t say, "Hurry up."
  • Grandmothers don’t have to be smart. They have to answer questions like, "Why isn’t God married?" and, "How come dogs chase cats?”
  • When they read to us, they don’t skip. They don’t mind if we ask for the same story over again.
  • Everybody should try to have a grandmother, especially if you don’t have television, because they are the only grown ups who like to spend time with us. They know we should have snack-time before bedtime and they say prayers with us every time, and kiss us even when we’ve acted bad.

~~~

Have you noticed that:

Few people blame themselves until they have exhausted all other possibilities.

All builders’ quotes and time estimates are complete fiction.

Bad weather reports are more likely to be accurate than good weather reports.

~~~

"My wife’s found the best method of birth control. She takes off her make-up."

 Rodney Dangerfield

~~~

This year’s Valentine verse:

I thought that I could love no other

Until, that is, I met your brother…

 

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot

This describes everything you are not…

 

What inspired this amorous rhyme?

Two parts vodka, one part lime…

~~~

Difficult times have helped me to understand better than before how infinitely rich and beautiful life is in every way and that so many things that one goes worrying about are of no importance whatsoever.

Isak Dinesen

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world.
 

There are a lot of good years left, don’t waste them

Age is an issue of mind over matter.

If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.

Mark Twain

 

 

I have been down with bronchitis since yesterday so I am not thinking much today.

 

A week or so ago I enquired about an acquaintance and a mutual friend told me that his brain was still sharp but he did not move around very well. She went on to say, “after all he is pretty old.” I had to remind her that I was older than he was. She immediately said something like, “yes but your different.” I probably am different but not due to age. So you can imagine why the following article from a family friend hit home when I found it in my archives. I decided it was worth sharing with you.

~~~

The other day a young person asked me how I felt about being old. I was taken aback, for I do not think of myself as old. Upon seeing my reaction, she was immediately embarrassed, but I explained that it was an interesting question, and I would ponder it, and let her know.

Old Age, I decided, is a gift. I am now, probably for the first time in my life, the person I have always wanted to be. Oh, not my body! I sometime despair over my body, the wrinkles, the baggy eyes, and the sagging butt. And often I am taken aback by that old person that lives in my mirror (who looks like my mother!), but I don’t agonize over those things for long.

I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I’ve aged, I’ve become more kind to myself, and less critical of myself. I’ve become my own friend.

I don’t chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn’t need, but looks so avante garde on my patio. I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be extravagant. I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.

Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 AM and sleep until noon? I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 40 &50’s, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love, I will.

I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set. They, too, will get old.

I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And I eventually remember the important things. Sure, over the years my heart has been broken.  How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody’s beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.

I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver.

As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don’t question myself anymore. I’ve even earned the right to be wrong. So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day. (If I feel like it)

~~~

Everyone is the age of their heart.

Guatemalan Proverb

~~~

An old Native Chief sat in his hut on the reservation, smoking a ceremonial pipe and eyeing two Government officials sent to interview him. "Chief Two Eagles" asked one Official, "you have observed the white man for 90 years. You’ve seen his wars and his technological advances. You’ve seen his progress and the damage he’s done."  

The Chief nodded in agreement.  

The Official continued, "Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?"  

The Chief stared at the Government officials for over a minute and then calmly replied, "When white man found the land, Natives were running it. No taxes, no debt, plenty buffalo, plenty beaver, women did all the work, Medicine Man free, Indian man spent all day hunting and fishing, and all night having sex."  

Then the Chief leaned back and smiled, "Only white man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that."

~~~

It worked… Now if I could only remember what I did.

~~~

She said: One evening, two girlfriends and I went to a nightclub, only to find the place packed with young people. At 40, we felt old, but before we could make a dignified exit, a tall, handsome man approached us.  

"Perhaps we were being a little hasty in leaving," I thought.  

Then with a big smile, the man extended his hand to one of my friends and said, "Hello. Remember me? You were my third grade teacher." 

~~~

Words of comfort, skillfully administered, are the oldest therapy known to man.

Louis Nizer

~~~

Earthquakes can strike without warning, and being prepared for such a disaster can mean the difference between life and death. Here are some tips to help you and your loved ones make it through a quake:

~ Those living in areas not prone to earthquakes can respond quickly to the plight of disaster victims in quake zones by complacently smirking and saying, "I told you so."

~ To minimize loss and damage in a quake, try not to own things.

~ Practice your burrowing-out-from-under-40-tons-of-rubble skills ahead of time.

~ Look out your window often. If you see a large, zig-zag-shaped crevasse moving rapidly from the horizon toward your home, step either to the right or the left.

~ For those who fear earthquakes, it may comfort you to know that a majority of the damage during the 1906 San Francisco earthquake did not come from the tremors themselves. Instead, it was from the raging, out- of-control fires that consumed most of the city.

~ A doorway is the safest place to be during a quake. Eat, sleep, and work in doorways.

~ Be sure to mail your house-insurance payments a full five business days before a major earthquake strikes.

~ In the event of a quake, get under something heavy, such as a desk, a table, or your boss.

~ If you are caught in a major earthquake in Southern California and are part of the entertainment industry, take a moment or two to reflect on how grossly you’ve wasted your life.

~~~

hAS ANYONE SEEN MY cAPS~OCK KEY?

~~~

A woman pregnant with her first child paid a visit to her obstetrician’s office. After the exam, she shyly said, "My husband wants me to ask you…"  

The doctor cut her off and reassured her, "I know, I know, I get the same question all the time. Sex is fine until late in the pregnancy."  

"No, that’s not it," the woman confessed. "He wants to know if I can still mow the lawn."  

~~~

Abstinence should be practiced in moderation.

~~~

An Australian was in Ireland. On his way to Belfast, he stopped at a bar and asked one of the locals, "What’s the quickest way to Belfast?"

The Irishmen asked, "Are you walking or driving?"

The Australian replied, "I’m driving!"

The Irishman said, "Aye, that’d be the quickest way!"

~~~

“Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.”

Robert Brault

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world.
 

He loved them so much that he said no

 

“It is easy to dodge our responsibilities, but we cannot dodge the consequences of dodging our responsibilities.”

Josiah Charles Stamp

 

 

I have been concerned lately about the drain some of the children of my generation are putting on their parents. These are the parents who worked hard all their lives living modestly, taking care of their children, paying school tuitions, seldom vacationing, and missing most of the luxuries of life. They did so with little debt other than the mortgage on their homes. They seldom used consumer credit and yet they made sure their children had everything they needed within reason.

 

When they retired with a small nest egg they looked forward to traveling and enjoying many of the things they had missed as the years went by.  After retirement they continue to drive a modest car while living in a modest home. They still watch the TV they bought ten years ago. They have not purchased the latest gadgets since all they want to do is to settle in and enjoy their golden years, living off social security, their savings and if they are lucky, their pension.

 

Meanwhile their children went on with their lives often moving to a different part of the country. The kids bought big homes, the latest large screen TVspurchased cars for all of their childrenbought computers and the latest in electronics, as they enjoyed their upscale lifeMany got further into debt as time went by and since their house was worth more than they paid for it they took out a loan on the equity so that they could continue their lifestyle. Unfortunately for them, the world changed, some were not making as much money as they had beentheir taxes increased, their interest payments rose, and then the real estate bubble burst.

 

Fortunately most families have found ways to struggle through. But unfortunately too many believe that it is their parents responsibility to bail them out of their financial problems. They have no reservations about asking their parents to mortgage their home, give them all or part of their life savings even asking their parents to forgo any plans they may have had to travel and enjoy their retirement. The parents in effect are being told by their kids to give up their lives so the kids can sustain their lifestyle. And unfortunately far too many parents end up doing just that.

 

The sad part is that many parents have let this happen. They have always said yes to their kids requests. They always made the sacrifices while seldom saying no. I honestly think letting children avoid their own responsibilities just delays the inevitable since the day will come when they will crash and burn and when that happens they will be unable to cope. Sadly these children are teaching their own kids to believe that you can have everything you want and that there will always be someone there to pay for it and who are ready to bail them out of trouble.

~~~

“You must take personal responsibility. You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but you can change yourself. That is something you have charge of.”

Jim Rohn

~~~

Cop lines

  • "Take your hands off the car, and I’ll make your birth certificate a worthless document."
  • "Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn’t know, that is the average speed of a 9 mm bullet fired from my gun."
  • "So you don’t know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"
  • "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
  • "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey poop."
  • "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
  • "Just how big were those two beers?"
  • "No sir, we don’t have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now we’re allowed to write as many tickets as we want."
  • "I’m glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."

~~~

Follow your dream! Unless it’s the one where you’re at work naked during a fire drill.

~~~

"My father refused to spend money on me as a kid. One time I broke my arm playing football and my father tried to get a free X-ray by taking me down to the airport and making me lie down with the luggage."

Glen Super

~~~

The tourist in London climbed into a cab and noticed by the license that his cab driver’s name was "Winston Churchill." Trying to make conversation, he said, "I see your name is Winston Churchill."  

The driver simply said, "Yep. That’s my moniker."  

The passenger, not willing to give up yet on some banter said, "That’s a pretty famous name."  

The driver responded with: "As well it should be too. I’ve been driving a cab here for over forty years." 

~~~

It’s the little things you do day in and day out that count. That’s the way you teach your children.

Amanda Pays

~~~

A Student’s Creed

The more you study, the more you know.  

The more you know, the more you forget.  

The more you forget, the less you know, so why study?  

 

The less you study, the less you know.  

The less you know, the less you forget.  

The less you forget, the more you know, so why study?  

 

You can’t argue with that.  

~~~

Boy, am I confused… I think.

~~~

There is an old story about a mother who walks in on her six-year-old son and finds him sobbing. "What’s the matter?" she asks.

"I’ve just figured out how to tie my shoes."

"Well, honey, that’s wonderful." Being a wise mother, she recognizes his victory in the Eriksonian struggle of autonomy versus doubt:

"You’re growing up, but why are you crying?"

"Because," he says, "now I’ll have to do it every day for the rest of my life."

~~~

There has been an alarming increase in the number of things I know nothing about.

~~~

At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 7-year-old hockey players aside and asked, "Do you understand what cooperation is?

What a team is?"

The little boy nodded in the affirmative.

"Do you understand that what matters is not whether we win or lose, but how we play together as a team?"

The little boy nodded yes.

"So," the coach continued, "I’m sure you know, when a penalty is called, you shouldn’t argue, curse, attack the referee, or call him a pecker-head. Do you understand all that?"

Again the little boy nodded.

He continued, "And when I call you off the ice so that another boy gets a chance to play, it’s not good sportsmanship to call your coach ‘a dumb ass’, is it?"

Again the little boy nodded.

"Good," said the coach. "Now go over there and explain all that to your mother!!!"

~~~

If you want children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibility on their shoulders.

Abigail Van Buren

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world.
 

We deliver on time

“Happiness equals reality minus expectations”

Tom Magliozzi

 

 

I think far too many of us get trapped by actions that don’t meet the expectations of others. I know many people find it too easy to say yes and then turn their hope into a commitment others expect to happen. The quickest way to dissatisfaction is for others to expect something to happen because of what we said we would do only to find out we can’t deliver. It is not that our motives are wrong; more often than not we say we will do something because it needs to be done and then fail because we did not realistically review our capabilities.

 

In my experience I have found that a good rule is to offer less and then do your best to deliver more. I was fortunate to have spent most of my life working with people who established realistic goals and then proceeded to do extraordinary things to exceed those goals. If the team had to install a major system we would provide a promised date and then set our target deadline for a week earlier.

 

It seems to me that cost overruns, missed deadlines, meeting no shows, and broken promises have almost become the norm. When we promise more and deliver less, we lose the confidence of others and create ill will.

 

So I promise you I will always do my best to be early for our appointments, keep my promises, and do my best to exceed your expectations. I hope that you will understand when I don’t promise you something it is probably because I doubt that I will able to deliver. 

 

So like Magliozzi says when reality is better than what you expected you will have discovered happiness. And do you know what? When you exceed someone else’s expectations your happiness is often greater than theirs.

~~~

“Time is swift, it races by;

Opportunities are born and die…

Still you wait and will not try –

A bird with wings who dares not rise and fly.”

 A. A. Milne

~~~

A first grade teacher collected well known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb.   

* Better to be safe than…punch a 5th grader  

* Strike while the …bug is close  

* It’s always darkest before…Daylight Savings Time  

* Never underestimate the power of…termites  

* You can lead a horse to water but…how?  

* Don’t bite the hand that…looks dirty  

* No news is…impossible  

* A miss is as good as a…Mr.  

*You can’t teach an old dog new…………math  

* If you lie down with dogs, you’ll…stink in the morning  

* Love all, trust…me  

* The pen is mightier than the…pigs  

* An idle mind is…The best way to relax  

* Where there’s smoke there’s…pollution  

* Happy the bride who…gets all the presents  

* A penny saved is…not much  

* Two’s company, three’s…the Musketeers  

* Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and you have to blow your nose  

* None are so blind as…Helen Keller  

* Children should be seen and not…spanked or grounded  

* You get out of something what you…see pictured on the box  

* When the blind leadeth the blind…get out of the way

~~~

"Men who never get carried away should be."

Malcolm Forbes

~~~

A husband and wife went for counseling after 25 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into an angry tirade, listing each and every problem they had ever had in the 25 years they had been married.

She went on and on. Neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, a long list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their quarter century of marriage.

Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist stood up, walked around his desk and, asking the wife to stand, embraced her and kissed her passionately on the mouth.

The woman shut up and, in a daze, quietly sat down. The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least seven times a week. Do you think you can do this"?

The husband thought for a moment and replied, "Well, doc, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on the other days, I play golf."

~~~

“Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none.”

William Shakespeare

~~~

This blonde goes into a restaurant and notices there’s a peel and win sticker on her coffee cup. So, she peels it off and starts screaming, "I’ve won a motor home! I’ve won a motor home!"  

The waitress says, "That’s impossible. The biggest prize is a mini-van."  

But the blonde keeps screaming, "I’ve won a motor home! I’ve won a motor home. "  

Finally, the manager comes over and says, "Ma’am, I’m sorry, but you’re mistaken. You couldn’t possibly have won a motor home, because we didn’t have that as a prize!"  

The blonde says, "No, it’s not a mistake. I’ve won a motor home!"  

So, she hands the ticket to the manager and he reads…   ……..WIN A BAGEL!  

~~~

Our goal is to establish language that is gender-neutral, ethnic-neutral, and age neutral while celebrating our spirit of diversity.

~~~

He said: My father is a skilled CPA who is not great at self-promotion. So, when an advertising company offered to put my father’s business placard in the shopping carts of a supermarket, my dad jumped at the chance. A full year went by before he got a call that could be traced to those placards.

"Richard Larson, CPA"? the caller asked.

"That’s right," my father answered. "May I help you"?

"Yes," the voice said. "One of your shopping carts is in my yard and I want you to come and get it."

~~~

"Everybody keeps saying that women are smarter than men, but did you ever see a man wearing a shirt that buttons down the back?"  

~~~

“Treat people as if they were what they ought to be, and you help them to become what they are capable of being.”

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world.
 

I am sorry

“Kids: they dance before they learn there is anything that isn’t music.”

William Stafford

 

 

First let me apologize, as you know I have been distracted this month. Here we are in the shortest month of the year with a week gone by and I failed to share our opportunities to participate in this months special activities. I’ll try to do better next month. But there is still time to take part so here is what we have.

It is:

America Loves Its Kids Month – After working with UNICEF over the years I have come to appreciate children more, although it is sometimes hard at restaurants during dinner with lots of noisy kids around, it is at times like that that I appreciate them more from afar than up close personal. Except of course my grand kids — they are perfect.

American Heart Month – My heart is on the mend I hope yours is as happy as mine is becoming.

Blah Buster Month – I have an idea, let’s all go out next Monday Blah hunting and when we find one we can Blast them good.

Creative Romance Month – Let me know what you come up with, my wife does not think me buying her a few lottery tickets is very romantic.

Human Relations Month – I would do more but I am only allowed to relate to some humans.

Sleep Safety Month – Take your seat belt to bed!

Snack Food Month – Oh sure, during lent, get behind me devil.

World Understanding Month – I’ll tell you what, why don’t we lobby to make every month World Understanding Month. May be we should listen more and push less.

~~~

You can learn many things from children.

How much patience you have, for instance.

Franklin P. Jones

~~~

While on leave, my Marine buddy and I met two nursing students from Southern California. After chatting them up awhile, the conversation turned to what we did in the service. When we told them we were in the infantry, the girls seemed very impressed, giving us big smiles as they told us how sweet that was.  

Since infantry and sweet are seldom used in the same sentence, I was a little confused. Until, that is, one of the girls said, "We admire any man who works with infants." 

~~~

Because of his ongoing ability to increase office productivity, the "employee of the month" award again goes to Mr. Coffee.

~~~

A guy and his wife were cleaning out the attic one day when he came across a ticket from the local shoe repair shop. The date stamped on the ticket showed that it was over 11 years old. They both laughed and tried to remember which of them might have forgotten to pick up a pair of shoes over a decade ago.  

"Do you think the shoes will still be in the shop?" the man asked.  

"Not very likely," his wife said.  

"It’s worth a try," he said, pocketing the ticket. He went downstairs, hopped into the car, and drove to the shoe shop.  

With a straight face, he handed the ticket to the man behind the counter.   

With a face just as straight, the man said, "Just a minute. I’ll have to look for these."  

He disappeared into a dark corner at the back of the shop.  

Two minutes later, the man called out, "Here they are!"  

"No kidding?" the customer called back. "That’s terrific! Who would have thought they’d still be here after all this time."  

The man came back to the counter, empty-handed.  

"They’ll be ready Thursday," he said calmly.  

~~~

The mother’s heart is the child’s schoolroom.

Henry Ward Beecher

~~~

Hollywood Squares

These are from the days when game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted like they are now. Or were they?  

 

*If you’re going to make a parachute jump, you should be at least how high?  

Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.  

*True or false…a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.  

George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes…  

*You’ve been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?  

Don Knotts: That’s what’s been keeping me awake.  

*According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think he’s really attractive, is it okay to come out directly and ask him if he’s married?  

Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.  

*What are "Do It", "I Can Help" and "Can’t Get Enough"?  

George Gobel: I don’t know but it’s coming from the next apartment.  

*Charley, you’ve just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during your first year?  

Charley Weaver: Of course not, Peter. I’m too busy growing strawberries!  

*In bowling, what’s a perfect score?  

Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.  

*It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics. What is the other?  

Paul Lynde: Tape measures.  

*When you pat a dog on its head he will usually wag his tail. What will a goose do?  

Paul Lynde: Make him bark.  

*According to Ann Landers, is their anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?  

Charley Weaver: It got me out of the Army!  

*Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?  

George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.  

*According to Movie Life magazine, Ann-Margaret would like to start having babies soon, but her husband wants her to wait a while. Why?  

Paul Lynde: He’s out of town.  

*Which stays pregnant longer? Your wife or your elephant?  

Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?  

*When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?  

Charley Weaver: I’ll lend him the car. The rest is up to him.  

*James Stewart did it over twenty years ago when he was forty-one years old. Now he says it was "one of the best things I ever did." What was it?  

Marty Allen: Rhonda Fleming.  

~~~

We worry about what a child will become tomorrow, yet we forget that he is someone today.

Stacia Tauscher

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world.

 

I have enough, do you?

“Earth provides enough to satisfy every man’s need, but not every man’s greed”

Mahatma Gandhi

 

 

I think one of our great problems is that we are not satisfied with what is enough. It seems like we are always stretching for more seldom taking the time to recognize that most of us have enough. As I was looking in my archive for something to write today I found this story that an old friend sent me some time ago. It again reminded me that when we have enough the more we are rewarded by being able to appreciate the world around us and the people that are in it. When you realize you have enough you will be amazed by how much there is left for you to discover. Here is the gift that my friend shared with me:

 

I overheard a mother and daughter in their last moments together at the airport. They had announced the departure. Standing near the security gate, they hugged and the mother said, ‘I love you and I wish you enough’.

The daughter replied, ‘ Mom , our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Mom ‘. They kissed and the daughter left. The mother walked over to the window where I was seated. Standing there I could see she wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on her privacy but she welcomed me in by asking, ‘Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?’

Yes, I have,’ I replied. ‘Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever good-bye?’

‘I am old and s he lives so far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is – the next trip back will be for my funeral,’ she said.

‘When you were saying good-bye, I heard you say, ‘I wish you enough’. May I ask what that means?’

She began to smile. ‘That’s a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone’. She paused a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail and she smiled even more. ‘When we said, ‘I wish you enough’, we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them’. Then turning toward me, she shared the following as if she were reciting it from memory.

I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright no matter how gray the day may appear.

I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun even more.

I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive and everlasting.

I wish you enough pain so that even the smallest of joys in life may appear bigger.

I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.

I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.

I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye.

She then began to cry and walked away.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but then an entire life to forget them.

~~~

“One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure its worth watching.”

~~~

On their 40th wedding anniversary and during the banquet celebrating it, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration.

"Tell us Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?"

Tom responds, "Well, I’ve learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, forbearance, meekness, self-restraint, forgiveness — and a great many other qualities you wouldn’t have needed if you’d stayed single."

~~~

Procrastinate Now!

~~~

A man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool. The bartender looks at him and says, "What’ll it be buddy?"  

The man says, "Set me up with seven whiskey shots and make them doubles." The bartender does this and watches the man slug one down, then the next, then the next, and so on until all seven are gone almost as quickly as they were served. Staring in disbelief, the bartender asks why he’s doing all this drinking.  

"You’d drink them this fast too if you had what I have."  

The bartender hastily asks, "What do you have pal?"  

The man quickly replies, "I have a dollar."  

~~~

The expression of gratitude is a powerful force that generates even more of what we have already received.

Deepak Chopra

~~~

Patient: My wife beats me, doctor.  

Doctor: Oh dear. How often?  

Patient: Every time we play Scrabble!  

~~~

I’m addicted to placebos. I’d give them up, but it wouldn’ make any difference.

Steven Wright

~~~

At the pub, a little guy exchanged words with a big bald guy, and it looked like they were about to go to blows.  

"You’ve got a lot of nerve for such a shrimp!" snarled the big guy.  

"Look, you big jerk," barked the little blonde guy, "I’m not scared of anybody, or anything! I come from a long line of jumpers. My great-grandfather jumped with no parachute from a balloon. My grand-father jumped without a ‘chute from a biplane. My mother and father both jumped from a jet. And tomorrow, I jump from a rocket!"  

"You’re crazy, you little twerp," said the big guy. "You could be killed!"  

"So what?" said the little guy. "I have no family…"  

~~~

Nobody grows old merely by living a number of years. We grow old by deserting our ideals.

Samuel Ullman

~~~

As a concierge at a posh resort, I was often asked about the ski facilities. One day, a couple who had just checked in after a long flight came by and asked me where the lift was.

"Go out the door," I told them, "past the pool, 200 yards down the block and you’ll see it on your right."

Their tired faces suddenly looked even more exhausted, until the man behind them spoke up.

"They’re from England," he said. "I think they’re looking for the elevator."

~~~

Question authority, but not mine.

~~~

After our friend Tom had been a temporary Bachelor for several weeks, we stopped by his Home to visit him. My wife asked if he was eating Properly. "Well, I do eat a lot of dog food," Tom Told her.  

"Dog food!" my wife exclaimed, horrified. "I can’t believe you would be eating anything Like that!"  

"Come to the kitchen and I’ll show you," Tom replied.  

Opening the refrigerator door, He waved his hand at a row of doggie bags from half of the restaurants in town.  

~~~

Gratitude opens our minds and hearts. It instantly connects us to the present moment. Plus, it feels absolutely wonderful. The fact that gratitude is so easy to come by gives us one more reason to be grateful.

Raphael Cushnir

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world.
 

Can you hear me?

 “A friend is someone who helps you up when you’re down, and if they can’t, they lay down beside you and listen.”

 

 

I was out and about yesterday and felt great, better than I have in years. If it lasts my future is brighter than it was only a week ago. It will be fun to get back into the fray, I’ll look for you there, I’ll be the guy throwing his hat in the air yelling yippee.

~~~

Some recent experiences again reminded me how distressing and lonesome life can be for some. Even those with an outgoing demeanor and pleasant personality can wonder in their heart if anyone listens or anyone cares. I think each of us has a responsibility to those we care about to make sure we take the time to really listen to them. And I mean listen, not judgmental conversation, but rather hear what they say and feel what they feel. You will be amazed what can happen when people learn you really care and that while you won’t judge them you will hold their hand and explore together what might be.

 

Here is something I saved that I think you might find it has value.

 

Listen With Empathy

No matter how outrageous, inconsiderate, false, self-centered, or pompous the person you’re talking to is, remember: He or she is simply trying to survive, just like you. We’re all participating in the same physical and psychological struggle. Some of us just have better survival strategies than others. Thus, the obnoxious person deserves more pity than scorn.

So listening with empathy means asking yourself, "Where is this person’s anger coming from?" "What is he or she asking for?" "What can I do that’s reasonable and supportive?" You’re not everyone’s shrink, and you don’t have to carry the weight of the world on your back. But, on the other hand, if you can think through what makes this person behave like this, perhaps you’ll be inclined to cut them a little slack. Genuinely listening well is, at its heart, an act of love, and as such, may help heal.

Dr Tony Alessandra

~~~

The most called-upon prerequisite of a friend is an accessible ear.

Maya Angelou

~~~

An 80 year old man went to the doctor for a checkup and the doctor was amazed at what good shape the guy was in. The doctor asked, "To what do you attribute your good health?"  

The old timer said, "I’m a golfer and that’s why I’m in such good shape.   I’m up well before daylight and out golfing up and down the fairways."  

The doctor said, "Well, I’m sure that helps, but there’s got to be more to it. How old was your father when he died?"  

The old timer said, "Who said my father’s dead?"  

The doctor said, "You mean you’re 80 years old and your father is still alive?  How old is he?"  

The old timer said, "He’s 100 yrs old and, in fact, he golfed with me this morning. That’s why he’s still alive, he’s a golfer."  

The doctor said, "Well, that’s great, but I’m sure there’s more to it. How about your grandfather? How old was he when he died?"  

The old timer said, "Who said my grandpa’s dead?"  

The doctor said, "You mean you’re 80 years old and your grandfather’s still living! How old is he?"  

The old timer said, "He’s 118 yrs old."  

The doctor was getting frustrated at this point and said, "I guess he went golfing with you this morning too?"  

The old timer said, "No…Grandpa couldn’t go this morning because he got married."  

The doctor said in amazement, "Got married!! Why would a 118-year-old guy want to get married?"  

The old timer shot back, "Who said he wanted to?"  

~~~

Management has created a wonderful solution, now they’re looking for a problem to go with it.

~~~

"Hey, Mom," asked Little Johnny, "can you give me twenty dollars?"  

"Certainly not," she said.  

"If you do," he went on, "I’ll tell you what dad said to the maid when you were at the beauty shop."  

His mother’s ears perked up and, grabbing her purse, she handed over the money.  

"Well? What did he say?"  

"He said, ‘Hey, Marie, make sure you wash my socks tomorrow.’"  

~~~

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

~~~

My alphabet starts with this letter called yuzz.  

It’s the letter I use to spell yuzz-a-ma-tuzz.  

You’ll be sort of surprised what there is to be found,  

once you go beyond ‘Z’ and start poking around.  

Dr. Seuss  

~~~

"I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me."

Noel Coward

~~~

Two rural church deacons who were having a sociable beer in the local tavern when they saw their minister drive by and take a good long look at their pickup trucks parked outside.  

One deacon ducked down and said, "I hope the reverend didn’t see us or recognize my pickup."  

The other replied indifferently, "What difference does it make. God knows we’re in here… and he’s the only one who counts."  

The first deacon countered, "Yeah, but God won’t tell my wife."  

~~~

"Daddy, Charlie asked me to marry him, but I told him I couldn’t leave Mama."

"Oh, that’s okay. Take her with you."

~~~

A young boy, who had a lisp, was supposed to start school one day, and was told by his mother to wait by the bus stop. The kid goes to the bus stop, sees the bus and starts waving his arms and shouting: "Buth driver .. Buth Driver thtop thtop! …"

The bus just keeps on going.

The next day, after his mother was upset for the bus not stopping, tells him to go to the bus stop and wave an old rag she gave him. Again, he follow his mother’s instructions, waving the old rag and shouting "Hey buth driver…buth driver, thtop thtop!!.." Again, the bus just goes by.

When he returned home, his mother was really upset and tells him:

"Damn it, tomorrow I want you to go out and stand in the middle of the street, and he’ll stop for sure." The next day, he’s waiting for the bus, sees it, stands in the middle of the street and starts waving the rag and shouting:

"Hey buth driver…buth driver…thtop thtop!!"

The bus just keeps going, hits him, knocks him down and breaks every bone in his body. Upset, after his mother found out about this, she went to the school to complain to the school’s principal, who calls the bus driver to the office and questions him about about his action.

"Why did you hit that poor boy?" the principal asked.

The bus driver replies: "I can’t thtand kidth that make fun of me!"

~~~

Give yourself a perfect day. Do what makes you happiest. Look upon what gives you joy. Speak to those who warm your heart. Listen to that which lifts your spirit. Surround yourself with sights and sounds and people who give you pleasure. For all the happiness you give to others all year long, give yourself a perfect day.

Author Unknown

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world.
 

Come home with me

“I long, as does every human being, to be at home wherever I find myself.”

Maya Angelou

 

 

Luckily I feel at home almost everywhere. Wherever I go there seems to be something or someone to enjoy, but still there is no place like home. I find comfort at home where my things are at hand, where I can launch each new day, and the safe harbor which provides time for both contemplation and the freeing of my imagination.

 

Before I get on with the thought let me report on my heart operation. It went very well, there were not the complications that they encountered last time and the prognosis is good, although only time will tell if the problem has been permanently eliminated. For those of you that are new readers I have had a rapid and erratic heartbeat for many years and when it ran away I lost all my energy. The problem became progressively worse as the years went by to the point where I was never sure what I would be able to do. The answer was a heart ablation and my first operation was unsuccessful but this one looks good.

 

OK back to coming home. What I thought about this week was that I was coming home healthy and capable. If all stays well I will have energy and a sense of well being that I have not had for many years. It is like coming home after a long journey. But that being said there are also realistic pitfalls. I may think I am ten or twenty years younger but my body will tell me otherwise. I have not exercised for some time, I have put on too much weight, and my health provided me the excuse to avoid doing very much. So realistically I have to plan my future based on the new me with some limits.

 

I have been successful in complying with all of my New Year’s resolutions. I have not sky dived, run a marathon, visited Mongolia, raced stock cars, and all the other things on the list. While I could rest on my laurels I think it is wise to add to the list, so here goes. I will exercise much more and eat a little less. I will do more but also reserve time for reflection and meditation. I will make sure that everyone knows how fortunate I am to know them. I’ll volunteer more when I can do something that does some good and volunteer less when the reward is only personal recognition. I will say Yes often but also No when I have to. And I will be thankful everyday for what the next twenty four hours has to offer and how I can make good use of the time as a matter of choice.

 

Well anyway, HI, I’m back and boy am I glad to be home and to be with you all.

~~~

It takes hands to build a house, but only hearts can build a home.

~~~

I have a brother who was on a plane that had taken off and was approaching cruising altitude, when one of the flight attendants came on the public-address system. She announced that she was sorry, but the plane’s restroom was out of order. The flight attendant went on to apologize to the passengers for any inconvenience. But then she finished cheerily with: "So, as compensation, free drinks will be served."

~~~

18 out of 10 schizophrenics agree.

~~~

I had purchased a talking metronome while I was attending a conference in New York for music teachers. Before my son and I boarded our flight home, I hefted my carry-on bag onto the security check conveyor belt. The guard’s eyes widened as he watched the monitor. He asked what I had in the bag, then slowly pulled out the six-by-three-inch black box covered with dials and switches. Other travelers, sensing trouble, vacated the area.

"A metronome," I replied weakly, as my son cringed in embarrassment. "It’s a talking metronome," I insisted. "Look, I’ll show you."

I took the box and flipped a switch, realizing that I had no idea how it worked. "One, two, three, four," it said.

Everyone breathed a sigh of relief.

As we gathered our belongings, my son whispered, "Aren’t you glad it didn’t go ‘four, three, two, one’"?

~~~

Success is simply a matter of luck. Ask any failure.

Earl Nightingale

~~~

Working in the Emergency Room here in our small rural community, we don’t get many calls, but they do tend to be memorable. One summer, a two-year-old boy was brought in with a cherry pit stuffed up his nostril. His mother said he was unable to blow it out and that when she tried using tweezers, it had only moved farther up into her son’s nose. I realized that the emergency equipment we had on hand was not suitable for the comfortable removal of the object from such a small patient, but I’d been taught early on in medical school that a paper clip bent to just the right angle and then curved slightly, could often be looped behind an object to help extract it. Finding a large clip, I bent it accordingly and managed to extract the cherry pit successfully.

The little boy’s mother looked at me and smiled. "That’s why we came to the hospital," she explained, "So we could have access to all the modern, high-tech equipment."

~~~

Ask me about my vow of silence.

~~~

Two mothers met for coffee. "Well Ruthie, how are the kids?"  

"To tell you the truth, my son has married a real tramp!" says Ruth. "She doesn’t get out of bed until 11. She’s out all day spending his money on Heaven knows what, and when he gets home, exhausted, does she have a nice hot dinner for him? Ha! She makes him take her out to dinner at an expensive restaurant."  

"Oh! What a shame. And how about your daughter?"  

"Ah! Now there’s a lucky girl. She has married a saint. He brings her breakfast in bed, he gives her enough money to buy whatever she needs, and in the evening he always takes her out to dinner at a nice restaurant."  

~~~

There is no exercise better for the heart than reaching down and lifting people up.

John Andrew Holmes

~~~

His aching back made it impossible for my friend’s husband to get a decent night’s rest on their lumpy mattress. "Until I feel better, I’m going to sleep on the couch," he announced.  

Ordinarily, a spouse moving out of the bedroom isn’t a good sign for the marriage. So his wife couldn’t resist: "Okay, but as soon as we have an argument you’re back in our bed."  

~~~

You can tell when a person is well informed: their views are pretty much like your own.

~~~

Doctor: "I see you’re over a month late for your appointment. Don’t you know that nervous disorders require prompt and regular attention? What’s your excuse"?

Patient: "I was just following your orders, Doc."

Doctor: "Following my orders? What are you talking about? I gave you no such order."

Patient: "You told me to avoid people who irritate me!"

~~~

I know what men want. Men want to be really, really close to someone who will leave them alone.

Elayne Boosler

~~~

A blonde was chatting with her building manager when she happened to mention that the tenants in the apartment above hers were awfully noisy. "Most nights, they stomp around up there as if they will killing cockroaches or something. All evening, this goes on, until around midnight."

"That’s terrible," said the building manager. "Do you want me to speak to them about it?"

"Oh, no, it’s not necessary," said the blonde. "It doesn’t keep me up or anything, because, most nights, I usually stay up and practice my trumpet ’til about that time anyway."

~~~

Small deeds done are better than great deeds planned.

Peter Marshall

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world.
 

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