Ray's musings and humor

 “The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live.”

Flora Whittemore

 

 

Yesterday I shared with you some of Robert Holden’s suggestions on how we can focus on what is good in our lives each day. If you are like I am you often get so overloaded with things to do that you end up with no time for yourself. It seems like we decide we have to do everything and never get to decide if all of it is worth it. Here is what Holden offers to help us solve that problem

 

Remember what’s IMPORTANT!

 

Do you remember the Monty Python Sketch about the "Silly Olympics", called the "100 Meters Dash for People With a Poor Sense of Direction"? Well, the gun goes off, and pretty soon the athletes are running backwards, sideways and nowhere. They are running very fast, but they have no direction. This morning, your alarm clock went off, and you too started to run – it’s another busy day, auto-pilot kicks in (thank God!), and you dash from bed to bathroom, have breakfast on the run, tackle the traffic, negotiate the road-rage, and frantically you consult the personal organiser for "What first?", "What next?" and "What now?" Do you know where you are running to? Are you on track? Is there any finishing line in sight?

 

Decide who and what is important to you and give, wholeheartedly of your time, your energy and your attention. People get ill and unhappy because, 1) they forget what is important; 2) they know what is important but their time, energy and attention is spent elsewhere. Do not let details eclipse what is important.

 

Exercise: write down 10 things you love to do, and then write down next to each of these activities the date you last did it; write down 10 people that you love to spend "quality time" with, and again write down the date you last spent "quality time" with each person. Are you still on track? Have you got enough time to do this exercise?

 

Wow, here is a guy who says we should place importance on things that make us happy. I wonder how many test their possible choices by putting them through a happiness filter. We all have things we must do, other things that we think we should do and more things that others want us to do, what many of us lack is the ability to decide what is really worthwhile and what is not. My test often is asking the question “Will the world end if I don’t do this?” And when I am wild and crazy I even tell myself to go ahead have and fun, if I don’t the only one who loses is me.

~~~

“We can try to avoid making choices by doing nothing, but even that is a decision.”

Gary Collins

~~~

Etiquette

1. When one hosts a dinner party, it is essential that all the place mats match, or, at the very least, that they all come from the same fast-food restaurant.

2. Entertaining in your backyard? The key to a nice-looking lawn is a good mower. I recommend one who’s muscular and shirtless.

3. My favorite party game is "Pin the Cleanup on the Guests."

4. Nothing in the world is quite so entertaining as pouring old milk into new containers before having guests over.

5. A good host must always be a STICKLER for attractive food presentation! I always take the foil COMPLETELY OFF the TV dinner before serving.

6. Getting your home in tiptop shape for a party can be fun if you think of it as kicking dust bunnies!

7. Take short cuts! I used to offer my guests instant coffee. They kept whining for hot water to go with it.

8. The best way to prepare a roast is to make an aluminum foil tent over your roasting pan. Similarly, the best way to prepare for relatives is to pitch a tent in the backyard and stay there until they leave.

9. When decorating for a party, be creative with regular household items. Some people might just see a moldy shower curtain with torn eyelets. What do I see? A new tablecloth.

10. The better you cook, the more likely your guests will return. Which is why I’m not usually too hot in the kitchen.

~~~

Warning! I know KARATE!! (and seven other Japanese words)

~~~

Ricky was at the mall and went into a toy shop, picked up a toy plane, gave the shopkeeper fake money and started to leave.

The shopkeeper told him, "Excuse me little boy, this isn’t real money."

Ricky continued walking out of the shop and didn’t reply.

The shopkeeper repeated himself, and Ricky kept walking.

The third time the shopkeeper called him, Ricky said "What?"

The shopkeeper said, "I’m sorry, young man, but this is not real money."

Ricky looked at the plane in his hands, looked at the shopkeeper and finally said, "And this isn’t a real plane."

~~~

Home is where you can say anything you like ’cause nobody listens to you anyway.

~~~

It was the beginning of term at a primary school in Brooklyn. The Teacher asked the children their names one at a time, and for each to Spell their name out loud.

When she came to a young Asian boy and asked his name, he Replied, "Ravashanka Vankatarataam Bannerjee."

"How do you spell that?" asked the teacher.

"My mother helps me," said the little boy.

~~~

Late to Bed, Early to Rise; Work like Hell, and You’ll be Wise.

Hyman G. Rickover, Father of the U.S. Nuclear Navy

~~~

I have been dieting and I thought I would share with you some weigh-in tips:

1. Weigh yourself with clothes on, after dinner … as well as in the morning, without clothes, before breakfast, because it’s nice to see how much weight you’ve lost overnight.

2. Never weigh yourself with wet hair.

3. When weighing, remove everything, including glasses. In this case, blurred vision is an asset.

4. Use cheap scales only, never the medical kind, because they are always five pounds off.

5. Always go to the bathroom first.

6. Stand with arms raised, making pressure on the scale lighter.

7. Don’t eat or drink in the morning until AFTER you’ve weighed in completely naked, of course.

8. Weigh yourself after a haircut, this is good for at least half a pound of hair (hopefully).

9. Exhale with all your might BEFORE stepping onto the scale (air has to weigh something, right?).

10. Start out with just one foot on the scale, then holding onto the towel rack in front of you, slowly edge your other foot on and slowly let off of the rack. Admittedly, this takes time, but it’s worth it. You will weigh at least two pounds less than if you’d stepped on normally.

~~~

Murphy told Quinn that his wife was driving him to drink.

Quinn thinks he’s very lucky because his own wife makes him walk.

~~~

Two nuns were shopping in a food store and happened to be passing the beer and liquor section. One asks the other if she would like a beer. The other nun answered that would be good, but that she would be queasy about purchasing it. The first nun said that she would handle it and picked up a six pack and took it to the cashier.

The cashier had a surprised look and the first nun said, "The beer is used for washing our hair."

The cashier, without blinking an eye, reached under the counter and put a package of pretzels in the bag with the beer saying, "Here, don’t forget the curlers."

~~~

So is cheerfulness, or a good temper, the more it is spent, the more remains.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 500 readers from all over the world.

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