“Let the refining and improving of your own life keep you so busy that you have little time to criticize others.”
H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Does anyone know if you can retire from retirement? It seems lately that I am busier now than I was when I was supposed to be busy. Today was another one of those, where-did-the-time-go days. I got up early jumped on the tread mill, handled the critical e-mails, got on the phone for a planning discussion, followed-up on the works in progress, caught a very early movie that everyone said I should not miss, went shopping for food, got my Flu and Pneumonia shots, and now getting ready to prepare a New England boiled dinner for my spouse (she loves me so much she has me do all the cooking and food shopping), but before I can cook I must do the daily. I don’t I have any creative energy left so I may cheat a little today.
I will share with you that I am a little frustrated since nothing I did cut anything of my things-to-do list and that is frustrating. So here is my plan. I am going to try to find my old things-to-do list, eliminate what I can and add some new items such as, breathe all day, eat breakfast lunch and dinner, brush, wash, laugh, walk, drive, and anymore that I can think off. Can you imagine how good I am going to feel tomorrow night when I will be able to scratch off ten or more items as completed on my things to do list. I am excited by the fact that I now have some achievable goals. I hope I don’t fail at any of them, especially the breathing one.
Busy, busy, busy…
by Ed Matlack
Cut the lawn,
Trim the weeds,
Rake the leaves,
Plant some seeds…
Wash the cars,
Sit and watch the stars,
While smoking cigars,
And drinking from old fruit jars…
Walk the mutt,
Get out of this rut,
Of being a computer nut,
Maybe I can work off this gut…
Though there is something to be said,
For relaxing all day, letting the sun make me red,
The day is half over; I just awoke,
Let me get my ass in gear by drinking some coffee and coke…
~~~
Maybe Matlack is right, there is too much to do so I am off for some coffee, see you Monday.
~~~
"MARRIAGE DEFINITIONS"
BACHELOR:
1) A guy who has avoided the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
2) A guy who is footloose and fiancée-free.
3) A man who never makes the same mistake once.
4) A nice guy who has cheated some nice girl out of her alimony.
5) A person who believes in life, liberty, and the happiness of pursuit.
6) The only man who has never told his wife a lie.
BRIDE: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
COMPROMISE: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way.
DIPLOMAT: A man who can convince his wife she would look fat in a fur coat.
GENTLEMAN: 1) A husband who steadies the stepladder so that his wife will not fall while she paints the ceiling. 2) A man who, when his wife drops her knitting, kicks it over to her so that she can easily pick it up.
HOUSEWORK: What the wife does that nobody notices until she doesn’t do it.
HUSBAND: 1) A man who gives up privileges he never realized he had. 2) A person who is the boss of his house and has his wife’s permission to say so.
JOINT CHECKING ACCOUNT: A handy little device which permits the wife to beat the husband to the draw.
LOVE: An obsessive delusion that is cured by marriage.
MISS: A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market.
MISTRESS: Something between a mister and a mattress.
MOTHER-IN-LAW: A woman who destroys her son-in-law’s peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
MRS.: A job title involving heavy duties, light earnings, and no recognition.
SPOUSE: Someone who will stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn’t have had if you’d stayed single in the first place.
WIFE: A mate who is forever complaining about not having anything to wear at the very same time that she complains about not having enough room in the closet.
~~~
Help Wanted – Telepath. You know where to apply.
~~~
While waiting in line at the bank, a man developed a very loud case of hiccups. By the time he reached the teller’s window, the hiccups seemed to have worsened. The teller took his check and proceeded to run a computer verification of his account. After a minute, she looked up from her terminal with a frown and said that she would be unable to cash his check.
"Why not"? The man asked incredulously.
"I’m sorry, sir," she replied, "but our computer indicates that you do not have sufficient funds to cover this amount. As a matter of fact," she continued, "our records show your account overdrawn in excess of $5,000."
"It can’t be!" he cried. "You have to be kidding!"
"Yes, I am," she answered with a smile, counting out his cash. "But you will notice that your hiccups are gone."
~~~
Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
Mark Twain
~~~
Almost 150 yrs. ago, President Lincoln found it necessary to hire a private investigator – Mr. Alan Pinkerton. He was actually the beginning of the Secret Service.
Since that time the federal police authority has grown to a large number of three-letter agencies – FBI, CIA, INS, IRS, DEA, BATF, SS, ATF, etc. Now comes a proposal for another agency: The "Federal Air Transportation Airport Security Service."
Can’t you see it now, the new service in their black outfits with their initials in large white letters across their backs? ‘FATASS’.
~~~
They told me to backup my hard drive, anyone know how to put it in reverse?
~~~
Jill was really peeved! She was arguing with the druggist because her favorite cure-all could not be bought without a prescription.
"Look, lady. You can’t have this without a prescription because it’s a habit-forming drug."
"IT IS NOT!" yelled Jill. "I ought to know…I’ve been taking it regularly for seventeen years!"
~~~
“Don’t be so busy making a living that you forget what you are living for.”
~~~
Stay well, do good work, and have fun.
Ray Mitchell
Indianapolis, Indiana, USA
Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.
The editor is somewhat senile.
Ray's Daily 
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