“Just tell yourself, Duckie, you’re really quite lucky!”
The other day I found myself in the middle of an on-line e-mail debate on a chain message that we all had received from someone we had in common. It was from someone who regularly visits my webpage at Yahoo (http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp) but whom I have yet to meet. I know the author of the original message loved me even though we are strangers because of the message content. I don’t remember what it said exactly but it was something like we really were friends and how much we meant to each other and if I sent the message on to others I would have fantastic luck but if I did not send it out to at least six other people my life as I know it would end forever. Failure would mean that my children and their children would be cursed evermore and that they would never forgive me.
Now of course I was gratified that someone I had only met via e-mail would care for me so much. My problem was meeting the requirement to send it on within the allotted time. I try to check e-mail messages every half-hour or so in case there is a similar message that gives me but a short amount of time to chose between a life of wealth and happiness or one of poverty and degradation. Obviously the other hundred or so people that had received the same message were equally challenged for all hell broke lose. Everybody copied everyone else who was on the original distribution with most respondents sharing their view of the kindness that the author had shown them. In general they questioned the original author’s parentage, said that they were not happy with the implied threat and how the author could stick the message somewhere, I think they said were to sun won’t shine.
As I am sure you would suspect I did not stand mute, I wrote:
With all the messages I had received I was beginning to think I was getting popular. The way I feel is that I don’t need chain affirmations. People can take me or leave me as they wish. I hope I earn their friendship but if I don’t it is OK. I write my blog 5 days a week so it will be there for people who chose to read it, if they prefer not to, then they just don’t come back. I am never sure if that is a sign of their good taste or failure to recognize brilliance.
Love to all,
Naturally wanting to protect my family I will continue to look for the e-mails people send me that wish me well but require me to take action. But I am kind of hoping that if I miss one and you do not hear from me this little disclaimer will allow you to forgive me. There is one requirement however you have only three hours in which not to send this to at least three people and let me warn you if you fail to not send it absolutely nothing will change, and that is guarantied.
Good luck befriend thee, Son; for at thy birth The fairy ladies danced upon the hearth.
PETER MARSHALL’S LIST OF FAVORITE ANSWERS FROM "HOLLYWOOD SQUARES".
Q. According to Movie Life magazine, Ann-Margaret would like to start a family, but her husband wants her to wait a while. Why?
A. Paul Lynde: "He’s out of town."
Q. What are "dual’purpose cattle" good for that other cattle aren’t?
A. Paul Lynde: "They give milk…and cookies, but I don’t recommend the cookies."
Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: "Who told you about my elephant?"
Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: "His feet."
Q. Before a cow will give you any milk, she has to have something very important. What?
A. Paul Lynde: "An engagement ring."
Q. According to Robert Mitchum, one thing has ruined more actors than drinking. What?
A. Charley Weaver: "Not drinking."
There are two kinds of people, those who do the work and those who take the credit.
Try to be in the first group; there is less competition there.
A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of goods totaling a great deal of money.
The distributor, noticing that the previous bill hadn’t been paid, instructed the collections manager to contact the customer.
The collections manager made the call and left a voice-mail for them saying, "We can’t ship your new order until you pay for the last one."
The next day the collections manager received a collect phone call from the customer who said, "Please cancel the order. We can’t wait that long."
"We have a new recipe for an exotic gourmet dinner. First, take two credit cards…"
Bessie and Beulah
Being a teenager and getting a tattoo seem to go hand in hand. I wasn’t surprised when a friend of my daughter showed me a Japanese symbol on her hip.
"Please don’t tell my parents," she begged.
"I won’t," I promised. "By the way, what does that stand for?"
She replied, "Honesty."
She said: My 20th high school class reunion was held at a hotel on the same night that another school’s 10th-year reunion was taking place.
While my girl friends and I were in the rest room talking, some unfamiliar women entered. After their stares became uncomfortable, we turned toward them. One of the women said, "Don’t mind us. We just wanted to see how we’d look in another 10 years."
Deal with the faults of others as gently as with your own.
A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks his father for advice. The father replies, "Son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy."
The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain. Ice cream sodas in front of them, they stare at each other for a long time, as the boy’s nervousness builds. He remembers his father’s advice, and chooses the first topic.
He asks the girl, "Do you like potato pancakes?"
She says, "No." And the silence returns.
After a few more uncomfortable minutes, the boy thinks of his father’s suggestion and turns to the second item on the list.
He asks, "Do you have a brother?"
Again, the girl says, "No." And there is silence once again.
The boy then plays his last card. He thinks of his father’s advice and asks the girl, "If you had a brother, would he like potato pancakes?"
"I think that’s how Chicago got started. Bunch of people in New York said, ‘Gee, I’m enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn’t cold enough. Let’s go west.’"
“May your pockets be heavy and your heart be light.
May good luck pursue you each morning and night.”
Stay well, do good work, and have fun.
Indianapolis, Indiana, USA
Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.
The editor is somewhat senile.