Ray's musings and humor

My Life Back When

Ray’s Daily

February 20, 2020

http://rays-daily.com

“We act as though comfort and luxury were the chief requirements of life when all that we need to make us really happy is something to be enthusiastic about.”

John Mason Brown

Past

Today I decided to go back 19 years to see what my world was like them. Here is what I found.

Ray’s Daily first published on February 20, 2001

I did not want to tell you but I guess I must. I have failed my retirement. I have been given so many opportunities for service, pro-bono consulting, volunteerism, and even occasional recreational activities that I am not keeping up. So you know what? I am following the old adage that says “when things get tough, the tough gets going.” So that is what I am going to do, I am going on vacation, that’s what they meant wasn’t it? In any case I will be off in the next day or so. Now I don’t want you to think I am in total avoidance, I am fortunate to have a brother-in-law and sister-in-law who live in Central Florida who provide me with a working hideout. I will take about a ton (well a few pounds anyway) of backlogged work with me and hope to come back with little or none left.

We will be gone about two weeks and should come back revived and relieved. You know even though the golden years have more mines to work than I realized, I could always say no. In fact I feel fortunate that I am given so many alternatives to stagnation. So anyway—Adios, Adieu, so long and I’ll see you. I will be taking a computer so will get your e-mail. I might even sneak in a special edition or two of the daily.

Stay well, have fun, we will be together again soon.

~~~

My last years in grammar school were spent on a farm school for boys outside a small town in Illinois, we could walk to town on Wednesday and Saturdays during the summer, and if the weather permitted, we could go on Saturday in the winter. We were allowed to go home one week a year, between Christmas and new Year’s day..

The town was so small that..

in order to paint traffic lines, the road had to be widened

the clinic was called Joe’s Hospital and Grill

instead of hoses, the Fire Department used water pistols

you had to make a reservation to use the parking place

during snowstorms, salt was spread using a pea shooter

the Mayor was also the Sheriff, Town Council & street sweeper

before you visited, you could look out a window & see who was home

But all kidding aside, the Saturday night movie shown outside on the school house wall and the volunteer fire departments barrel fights on the Fourth of July were really special. Don’t know about barrel fights? Two different fire companies would shoot water from their hoses on a beer keg from opposite sides; the goal was to get the barrel to the other side and win. As you can see life was simpler then, even our twenty-five cent weekly allowance went a long way.

This was at Allendale for boys from broken homes, in Lake Villa. Illinois

~~~

What a pity human beings can’t exchange problems. Everyone knows exactly how to solve the other fellow’s.

~~~

More from the unofficial Catholic dictionary:

Egypt—the country which created the first form of writing: hieroglyphics—the basis for all medical prescriptions.

Envy— The sin Catholics commit when they think of non-Catholics who get to remain seated during their church services.

Eternity—The time between Communion and the end of Mass.

Evangelists, TV 1. Preachers with miraculous power—the ability to squeeze dollars out of the penniless.

Everlasting life— What a Catholic will need to understand all the changes since Vatican II.

Eye of the needle— The analogy that provides a strong incentive for rich men to breed tiny camels.

~~~

“I’m growing old by myself. My wife hasn’t had a birthday in years.”

Milton Berle

~~~

I hate smart sales clerks. I said to one, “What do you have in lingerie?” She said, “More than you’ll ever have!”

Cleaning your house before the kids have stopped growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.

The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth.

He is a typical husband. When I drive he complains about every telephone pole I hit. But does he ever compliment me on the ones I miss?

Once my husband said to me, “I’m going to have some coffee. Do you want me to put some hot water on for you?”  I thought that was the least he could do, considering I was giving birth!”

Phyllis Diller

~~~

“It’s just to hot to wear clothes today,” said Jack as he stepped out of the shower.  “Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?”

“Probably that I married you for your money.”

~~~

“There are two different kinds of people in this world: those who finish what they start, and”

Brad Ramsey

~~~

The minister’s little six-year-old girl had been so naughty during the week, that her mother decided to give her the worst kind of punishment.  She told her she couldn’t go to the Sunday School Picnic on Saturday. When the day came, her mother felt she had been too harsh and changed her mind. When she told the little girl she could go to the picnic, the child’s reaction was one of gloom and unhappiness. “What’s the matter?  I thought you’d be glad to go to the picnic.” her mother said. “It’s too late!” the little girl said.  “I’ve already prayed for rain!”

~~~

Originality is the art of concealing your sources.

~~~

John was called into his bank to discuss his accounts.

“Your finances are in terrible shape,” the banker stated. “Your checking account is overdrawn, your loan is overdue.”

“Yes, I know.” said the man. “It’s my wife Jill, she is out of control.”

“Why do you allow your wife to spend more money than you have?” asked the banker.

“Frankly,” replied the man with a deep sigh, “because I’d rather argue with you than with her.”

~~~

Eschew obfuscation.

~~~

Top 10 Songs from the retirement village

———————————-

  1. Lets Get a Physical
  2. Ain’t No Burrito Mild Enough
  3. Johnny B. Olde
  4. How Do You Mend a Broken Everything
  5. The Lack O’ Motion
  6. Hair Potion Number Nine
  7. Doctor My Eyes (And Ears and Joints and Back and…)
  8. To All the Girls I’ve Disappointed Before
  9. A Hard Day’s Nap

And the Number One Song for People Over 40…

  1. Knock Knock Knockin’ on the Bathroom Door

~~~

“If only we wanted to be happy, it would be easy; but we want to be happier than other people, which is difficult, since we think them happier than they are.”

Monesquieu

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

 

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