Ray's musings and humor

You’ve got a lot of choices. 

If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you’re not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice.

Steven D. Woodhull

 

 

I was listening on the radio to an interview of an author who had written a book about self-help gurus. You know the guys that promise us the secret of success, happiness, wealth, love, just about everything. I don’t really have anything against many of them as they have sometimes provided me insight that has helped me see things that I might have missed otherwise

 As I listened I started to think about our aspirations, you know those things we think will offer us some self satisfaction if we can acquire or achieve them. That got me thinking what I would like for myself. If I built a list what would be on it? A new fancy car maybe, some special knowledge, a financial windfall, a trip, or even personal things like love and friendship. The thing that I have often missed when building lists like this in the past was to ask myself why did I want whatever it was. For example do I really need a new car when mine gets me where I want to go? Does it have to have an engine that would allow me to ride up a steep incline when there are no hills around where I live? Do I really need eight speakers when I only listen to the news? A

Asking ourselves why allows us to decide if whatever it is all that important. If I don’t buy the car can I visit another country, help someone I care about, or do something of value? You get the idea.

Fortunately I have gotten to the point where I don’t really aspire for wealth, expensive toys, the latest fashion or to stay in the five star suite. These days I aspire for peace of mind, caring friends, ending the day pleased with what I did, and blazing new trails while meeting new people. And you know what, life has never been better.

I have found that the best way to keep score is not by what’s in the garage but rather what’s in your heart.

~~~

The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live.

Flora Whittemore

~~~

A blonde calls the round-the-clock tech support hotline to ask what hours the call center is open.

"The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, seven days a week," says the technician who answers the call.

"Is that Eastern or Pacific time?" asks the blonde.

~~~

"Brevity is the soul of lingerie."

Dorothy Parker

~~~

She said: When our son was four months old, I caught my husband in another room, holding the baby on his lap, talking to him and pointing.

I was touched by this father-son bonding and went into the room to eavesdrop.

"Football," he said slowly, pointing to the television. "This is football."

~~~

There are many wonderful things that will never be done if you do not do them.

Charles D. Gill

~~~

Don goes into business for himself. He buys a hotdog cart and sets it up in a prime spot on a busy downtown corner, right near a large bank.  

One day, his friend Jim approaches him and asks Don if he can lend him some money.  

Don refuses.  

"But why?" asks Jim. "Everyone knows you’re doing well, and I’m not asking for much."  

"Well, Jim, in order to get this spot I had to sign a Non-competition Agreement with that bank over there. According to the terms of the agreement, they’re don’t sell hot dogs, and I don’t lend money."

~~~

To vacillate or not to vacillate, that is the question or is it?

~~~

The state trooper pulled Mr. Schwarz over and, after inspecting his license and registration, informed the motorist that he was going to have to spend the night in jail.  

"What’s the charge? Mr. Schwarz demanded.   

"None," replied the officer. "It’s all part of the service." 

~~~

Those who matter don’t judge me.

Those who judge me don’t matter.

~~~

A guy was hitchhiking on a very dark and stormy night. The night was getting on and no cars went by. Suddenly he saw a car roll slowly toward him and stop.  

Without thinking about it, the guy jumped into the back seat and closed the door when he suddenly realized there was nobody behind the wheel!  Just then the car started slowly rolling forward again. He was beginning to get really freaked out when he noticed a curve in the road ahead. He was just thinking about climbing into the front seat when a hand mysteriously appeared through the window and moved the wheel.  

The guy, paralyzed in terror, watched how the hand appeared every time right before a curve.  

Gathering his courage, the guy finally jumped out of the car and ran to the nearest town.  Wet and in shock, he went to a restaurant and started telling everybody about the horrible experience he just went through.  

About half an hour later, two guys walked into the same restaurant. They were looking around for a table when one said to the other, "Hey, look, isn’t that the jerk who got in the car when we were pushing it?"  

~~~

Learn to pause … or nothing worthwhile will catch up to you.

Doug King

~~~

My dad and I were talking the other night about love and marriage. He told me he knew as early as their wedding what marriage to my mom would be like. It seems the minister asked my mom, "Do you take this man to be your husband?" And she said, "I do." Then the minister asked my dad, "Do you take this woman to be your wife?" and my mom said, "He does."

~~~

If you were agoraphobic, you’d be home by now.

~~~

A knight and his men return to their castle after a long hard day of fighting.

"How are we faring?" asks the king.

"Sire," replies the knight, "I have been robbing and pillaging on your behalf all day, burning the towns of your enemies in the west."

"What?!" shrieks the king. "I don’t have any enemies to the west!"

"Oh," says the knight. "Well, you do now."

~~~

Learn as if you were going to live forever. Live as if you were going to die tomorrow.

Mahatma Gandhi

~~~

My face in the mirror isn’t wrinkled or drawn.

My house isn’t dirty. The cobwebs are gone.

  My garden looks lovely and so does my lawn.

I think I might never put my glasses back on.

~~~

Using the power of decision gives you the capacity to get past any excuse to change any and every part of your life in an instant.

Anthony Robbins

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world.
 

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