Ray's musings and humor

Archive for October, 2007

Go on without me

“There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something better tomorrow”

Orison Swett Marden

 

 

I really like the Marden quote. I am a big believer in always expecting the best because almost always things do turn out that way. I am sure I have told you before that I don’t worry until it is too late. When things turn out well, as they usually do, I will not have been bogged down in worry. If per chance something does not go well it can be dealt with when it happens. Of course I do believe that I should do what I can to keep the odds in my favor as an example I quit smoking many years ago and I am sure that made a difference in my recent test results.

 

While I am not racing or even walking fast today I am pleased to report that my Cardiac Cath procedure indicated that I do not have any significant blockage and will not need a bypass or angioplasty. I do have a lot of bruising and discomfort from the incision and the procedure but it is not bad. I again was pleased with the medical team, nice people but I would prefer to meet them socially and not professionally. I was especially pleased that the operating room nurses were so self controlled. The only thing covered just prior to the procedure was my feet and not one of them pointed and laughed. We’ll see if the nurses on November 8th are equally as kind since that operation will be even more revealing.

 

This week should be pretty good as there will be no cutting on my body. Tomorrow I get a CAT scan which just runs me into a tube and Wednesday they will only draw a little blood. Isn’t life grand?

 

I am still limiting myself to about one outside activity a day since I am still moving slow, but soon I will again be jumping over tall buildings and more. I hope all of you will have remained close enough that I can catch back up when that happens.

~~~

“I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor’s office was full of portraits by Picasso.”

Rita Rudner

~~~

Things You Wouldn’t Know Without Help From the Movies

1. Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper cuttings – especially if any of their family or friends has died in a strange boating accident.  

2. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick’s Day parade at any time of the year.  

3. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involved martial arts – your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessor.  

4. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.  

5. It’s easy for anyone to land a plane, providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.  

6. Cars and trucks that crash will almost always burst into flames.  

7. The ventilation system of any building is a perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building without difficulty.  

8. All single women have a cat.  

9. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.  

10. When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.  

11. Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning, even though the husband and children never have time to eat them  

12. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.  

13. During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.  

14. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.  

15. It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.  

16. Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.  

17. If there is a deranged killer on the loose, this will coincide with a thunderstorm that has brought down all the power and phone lines in the vicinity

18. If a killer is lurking in your house, it’s easy to find him. Just relax and run a bath.  

19. Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.  

~~~

"Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not; a sense of humor to console him for what he is."  

Sir Francis Bacon

~~~

A prospective juror in a Dallas District Court was surprised by the definition of voluntary manslaughter given the panel: "An intentional killing that occurs while the defendant is under the immediate influence of sudden passion arising from an adequate cause, such as when a spouse’s mate is found in a ‘compromising position.’"  

"See, I have a problem with that passion business," responded the jury candidate. "During my first marriage, I came in and found my husband in bed with my neighbor. All I did was divorce him. I had no idea that I could have shot him." She wasn’t selected for the jury.  

~~~

If you spend your whole life waiting for the storm, you’ll never enjoy the sunshine.

Morris West

~~~

Yeshiva University decided to field a rowing team. Unfortunately, they lose race after race. Even though they practice and practice for hours everyday, they never manage to come in any better than dead last.

Finally, the team decides to send Morris Fishbein, its captain, to spy on Harvard, the perennial championship team. So Morris schlepps off to Cambridge and hides in the bushes next to the Charles River, where he carefully watches the Harvard team at its daily practices.

After a week, Morris returns to Yeshiva. "Well, I figured out their secret," he announces.

"What? Tell us! Tell us!" his teammates shout.

"We should have only one guy yelling. The other eight should row."

~~~

The badness of a movie is directly proportional to the number of helicopters in it.

~~~

"I know the country has been mired in deficit spending and it’s been terrible burden on the country in terms of interest payments. Good news today out of Washington. They have raised the limit of debt we can go to to $9 trillion. 

It sends a great message to the kids: Hey, are you getting an F? Don’t study harder, make the grading curve go out to K. Then your F looks like a C."

Jon Stewart

~~~

"If parents would only realize how they bore their children."

George Bernard Shaw

~~~

I was sitting in the foyer of a bank when a young man walked by, and then stopped for a moment on his way out. I noticed that one of the latches on his overstuffed briefcase was unfastened, putting strain on the remaining latch.  

"You’re going to lose the contents of your briefcase," I warned him.  

Just then the case burst open. He stared at me with something akin to fear in his eyes as he gasped, "How on earth did you do that?"  

~~~

You are not happy because you are well. You are well because you are happy. You are not depressed because trouble has come to you, but trouble has come to you because you are depressed. You can change your thoughts and feelings and then the outer things will come to correspond. Indeed, there is no other way of working.

Emmet Fox

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world.
 

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I am out of here, see you Monday

“The world is not dangerous because of those who do harm but because of those who look at it without doing anything”

Albert Einstein

 

 

Hi everyone. It has been a full day so I will be using some material from the October 18, 2002 Daily today. While I have been busy it has been a good day. I made a new friend who is leading the effort to build an orphanage for African children who have lost their parents due to the AIDS epidemic. I am going to do all I can to help her by putting her in contact with people and organizations that will appreciate what she is doing.

 

As you know I am amazed how far flung our readership has become. The latest example was I an unsolicited subscription request from a new reader in China. Someday I would like to inventory where our readers are from and put together a map. Our readers are on every continent, I think they stay subscribed because they hope I’ll get it right someday.

 

Don’t forget there will be no daily tomorrow since I will be spending the day in the hospital observing the Doctors looking into my heart.

~~~

"Blessed is the person who can enjoy the small things, the common beauties, the little day-to-day events, sunshine on the fields, birds on the bough, breakfast, dinner, supper, the daily paper on the porch, a friend passing by. So many people who go a field for enjoyment leave it behind them at home."

David Grayson

~~~

The son of a financier bursts into his father’s office and says, "Dad, lend me $5,000."

"What for?" his father asks.

"I’ve got a sure tip on the market."

"How much could we make?" his father asks.

"I’d say at least $2,000 — that’s $1,000 for each of us."

"OK, son. Here’s $1,000," his father said. "Let’s consider that we have made the deal and it has succeeded. You make $1,000 and I save $4,000."

~~~

"Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow."

Don Herold

~~~

Two girls board a crowded bus and one of them whispers to the other, "Watch me embarrass a man into giving me his seat."

Pushing her way through the crowd, she turned all of her charms upon a gentleman who looked like he might embarrass easily.  "My dear Mr. Wilson," she gushed, "fancy meeting you here on the bus.  Am I glad to see you! Why you’re almost a stranger.  My, but I’m tired!"

The sedate gent looked up at the girl.  He had never seen her before but he rose and said pleasantly, "Sit down, Mary, my girl.  It isn’t often I see you on washday.  No wonder you’re tired.  Being pregnant isn’t easy.  By the way, don’t deliver the wash until Thursday.  My wife is going to the District Attorney’s office to see whether or not she can get your husband out of jail."

~~~

"When there is a hill to climb, don’t think that waiting will make it smaller."

~~~

One day at kindergarten, the teacher says to the class of five-year-olds, "I’ll give $2 to the child who can tell me who the most famous man who ever lived was."

An Irish boy raised his hand and said, "Please, Miss, it was St. Patrick." The teacher said, "Sorry, Sean, that’s not correct."

Then a Scottish boy put his hand up and said, "Please, Miss, it was St. Andrew." The teacher replied, "I’m sorry, Hamish, that’s not right either."

Finally, a Jewish boy, Adam, raised his hand and said, "Please, Miss, it was Jesus Christ."

The teacher said, "That’s absolutely right, Adam.  Come up here, and I’ll give you your $2."

As the teacher was giving Adam his money, she said, "You know, Adam, you being Jewish, I was very surprised you said Jesus Christ." "I know, Miss," Adam replied, "in my heart I knew it was Moses, but business is business."

~~~

"Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy, fat women."

Marion Smith

~~~

A lovely young couple is doing some shopping in town. Having purchased everything they need, they return to the parking lot to drive home. Where’s the car? Good golly, someone has stolen it! They notify the police from a phone booth inside the mall and make a report at the Police station. A young detective drives them back to see if any evidence remains from the scene of the crime. But, what do you know, there is the stolen car, back in the exact spot! A note is on the windshield with two tickets to a concert attached. The note thanks the young couple for the use of their car, but the culprit’s wife was about to give birth and had to be rushed to the hospital. The young couple’s faith in humanity is restored and they go to the concert and have a wonderful time.

They arrive home late that night to find their entire house robbed, with a note on the door reading, "Well, I gotta put the kid through college, don’t I?"

~~~

"To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing."

Elbert Hubbard

~~~

New Age corporate and investment acronyms…

!CEO: chief embezzlement officer.

!CFO: corporate fraud officer.

!P/E: parole entitlement.

!EPS: eventual prison sentence.

!BULL MARKET: A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

!BEAR MARKET: A 6 to 18-month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

!MOMENTUM INVESTING: The fine art of buying high and selling low.

!VALUE INVESTING: The art of buying low and selling lower

!P/E RATIO: The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

!BUY, BUY: A flight attendant making market recommendations as you step off the plane.

!STANDARD & POOR: Your life in a nutshell.

!STOCK ANALYST: Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

!FINANCIAL PLANNER: A guy who actually remembers his wallet when he runs to the 7-11 for toilet paper and cigarettes.

!MARKET CORRECTION: The day after you buy stocks.

!CASH FLOW: The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

!WINDOWS 2000: What you jump out of when you’re the sucker that bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

!INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR: Someone who has owned equities for the last two years and who’s now locked up long-term in a hospital.

!PROFIT: Religious guy who talks to God.

~~~

I honor my personality flaws, for without them I would have no personality at all.

~~~

NASA planned a mission that involved three astronauts spending two years in space.  Because of the extended duration, each was allowed to take 200 pounds of baggage, with no restrictions.

The first astronaut decided to take along his wife, the second decided to take along books to learn how to speak German, while the third astronaut decided to take along cigarettes.

Two years later, when the space shuttle landed, there was a big crowd waiting to welcome them home.

First came the first astronaut and his wife and each of them had a baby in their arms.

Next, out came the second astronaut speaking fluent German.

They both gave their speeches and got a rousing applause.

Suddenly out came the third astronaut with a cigarette in his mouth.

He walked up to the podium and snarled to the crowd and asked, "Anyone got a light?"

~~~

"The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook."

William James

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world.
 

I flunked

“I’m not OK, you’re not OK, and that’s OK!”

William Sloan Coffin

 

Yesterday was one of those good news, bad news days. The good news was that I was able to get to the desired pulse rate during my stress test without having to induce it with drugs. The bad news was that they found a problem. So now I get to go to the hospital on Friday and spend the day as they do a cardiac catheter exam. So in the groin, up the vein and into the heart for a look, I hope they find that my heart is a pure as I think it is.

 

The good news is that other than my scheduled CAT scan next week, some blood tests and my two day hospital stay for my heart ablation procedure on November 8th there is nothing else scheduled. You can imagine my relief that I learned when they punched my card for these last few procedures that I will not have to get a mammogram nor a pap smear, at least not at this time.

 

The last piece of good news is that when I went to the drug store to find out the cost for the stuff I need to use to give myself pre and post op shots will be discounted a couple of hundred dollars because of my insurance and friendly demeanor. The bad news is that it will still cost me over eight hundred dollars for what I need. I tell you this only to let you know that you can forget that big gift I was going to buy you, but I will think of you as I push the plunger down on the syringe when I give me self a shot.

 

I did ask if I had used enough of the cardiac services to be eligible for attendance to their Christmas Party. Unfortunately I was told that patients were not permitted as we had to perceive the medical staff as sober professionals, but I could send them gifts if I wished.

 

So my friends, no Daily on Friday I will be busy entertaining my docs.

~~~

A large volume of adventures may be grasped within this little span of life, by him who interests his heart in everything.

Laurence Sterne

~~~

A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn’t been feeling well. The doctor examines him, leaves the room and comes back with three different bottles of pills.

The doctor says, "Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you get up. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill with another big glass of water."

Startled to be put on so much medicine the man stammers, "Jeez doc, exactly what’s my problem?"

Doctor says, "You’re not drinking enough water."

~~~

"Never put off till tomorrow, what you can do the day after tomorrow."

Mark Twain

~~~

At a country-club party a young man was introduced to an attractive girl.  Immediately he began paying her court and flattering her outrageously. The girl liked the young man, but she was taken a bit aback by his fast and ardent pitch. She was amazed when after 30 minutes he seriously proposed marriage.

"Look," she said. "We only met a half hour ago. How can you be so sure? We know nothing about each other."

"You’re wrong," the young man declared. "For the past 5 years I’ve been working in the bank where your father has his account.

~~~

Good leaders guide the willing and persuade the stubborn.

~~~

She said: Soon after our last child left home for college, my husband was resting next to me on the couch with his head in my lap.

I carefully removed his glasses. "You know, honey," I said sweetly, "Without your glasses, you look like the same handsome young man I married."

"Honey," he replied with a grin, "Without my glasses, you still look pretty good too!"

~~~

"The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing – and then marry him."

– Cher

~~~

Grandma Goldberg, a woman of 85, was slowly ambling down the street when she met her physician Dr. Cohen. Dr. Cohen, a dapper graying man in his early 60’s asked the elderly lady—"Mrs. Goldberg how are you feeling?"

For a long moment the woman gave the good doctor a terrible stare and then she said–"You ask me how I’m feeling! I’ll tell you how I’m feeling!! My legs hurt, my chest is sore, my heart is beating too fast and I can’t sleep!!! I have horrible headaches and stomach pains too!"

The good doctor looked at the elderly lady with compassion. "If you’re feeling so awful, why don’t you come and see me right away?"

Grandma Goldberg let out a sigh and said, "I was just waiting until I felt a little better."

~~~

Q. What’s the most common cause of hearing loss amongst men?

A. Wife saying she wants to talk to him.

~~~

A champion jockey is about to enter an important race on a new horse. The horse’s trainer meets him before the race and says, "All you have to remember with this horse is that every time you approach a jump, you have to shout, "ALLLLEEE OOOP!" really loudly in the horse’s ear. Providing you do that, you’ll be fine".

The jockey thinks the trainer is mad but promises to shout the command. The race begins and they approach the first hurdle. The jockey ignores the trainer’s ridiculous advice and the horse crashes straight through the centre of the jump.

They carry on and approach the second hurdle. The jockey, somewhat embarrassed, whispers "Aleeee ooop" in the horse’s ear. The same thing happens — the horse crashes straight through the centre of the jump.

At the third hurdle, the jockey thinks, "It’s no good, I’ll have to do it" and yells, "ALLLEEE OOOP!" really loudly. Sure enough, the horse sails over the jump with no problems. This continues for the rest of the race, but due to the earlier problems the horse only finishes third.

The trainer is fuming and asks the jockey what went wrong. The jockey replies, "Nothing is wrong with me — it’s this bloody horse. What is he — deaf or something?"

The trainer replies, "Deaf?? DEAF?? He’s not deaf — he’s BLIND!"

~~~

Wear sleeveless shirts!  Support your right to bare arms!

~~~

Cheer Up!!!"

* The parachute company says you’ll get a full refund.

* They say the house didn’t float very far at all.

* Well, at least the operation was a partial success.

* The "National Inquirer" just loved those nude shots of you.

* With the lights dimmed, it looks almost normal.

* The District Attorney says he only has a few more questions.

* The reward for your capture has reached fifty thousand dollars.

* At least we never thought you were guilty like that Jury did.

* The insurance pays the full book value ($312) for your 1956 T Bird.

* Those Grand Juries always overreact. Don’t worry about it.

~~~

One of the secrets of a long and fruitful life is to forgive everybody, everything, every night before you go to bed.

Bernard M. Baruch

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world.
 

Do you know where you are going?

Dreams pass into the reality of action. From the actions stems the dream again; and this interdependence produces the highest form of living.

Anais Nin

 

 

Since I will be going for my cardiac stress echo test first thing in the morning and doing additional medical stuff tomorrow I am putting the daily together twelve hours early, so if something newsworthy has taken place in the interim I probably didn’t miss it.

~~~

Some of our readers are still in school laying the foundation for the rest of their lives, some are in their middle years, and then there are the rest of us who are given another chance to be what we want to be. It is not important where you are on life’s timeline it is only important that you realize it won’t stop and there is nothing you can do about that. But if you find that it is a train taking you to places you don’t want to go, remember you really don’t have to be on it.

 

It is not always easy to pick up your bags, leave the train with all its familiarity and board a train going someplace else, but for many of us it is the best thing we can do. The happiest people I know are those who have chosen a new destiny rather than staying on a train that goes nowhere. We all can begin again no matter how old we may be; all we have to do is get off the train. I did and it was the smartest thing I ever did.

 

Here is what Bill Greer suggests you do to begin again.

Begin to see yourself as you were when you were the happiest and strongest you’ve ever been.

Begin to remember what worked for you (and what worked against you), and try to capture the magic again.

Begin to remember how natural it was when you were a child — to live a lifetime each day.

Begin to forget the baggage you have carried with you for years:

The problems that don’t matter anymore,

The tears that cried themselves away,

And the worries that are going to wash away on the shore of tomorrow’s new beginnings.

Tomorrow tells us it will be here every new day of our lives; and if we will be wise, we will turn away from the problems of the past and give the future — and ourselves — a chance to become the best of friends.

Sometimes all it takes is a wish in the heart to let yourself begin again.

~~~

How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.

Annie Dillard

~~~

Things wives wish we would say:

~Wow, I just don’t know what to do with this money we won in the lottery, so why don’t you take it to the mall and see if you can find something to buy with it.

~Hey, how about inviting your mother to spend the summer with us.

~Oh, go ahead and eat that third piece of chocolate cream pie. If it’s one thing I hate it’s skinny women.

~What luck, they had a special rental rate at the video store on romance movies.

~You know, that Pam Anderson just doesn’t seem to have the brainpower that I find so attractive in a woman.

~What a break, I won a prize on the radio station…. tickets to either the super bowl or the opening of the New York Ballet. I got first choice so pack your bags for New York, we get to go to the ballet!!!

~Who wants to play golf when I can get to see how good the lawn looks when it’s freshly mowed.

~Shoot, there’s nothing on TV but football games. Let’s go furniture shopping.

~Man I tell you, nothing feels better than getting all spruced up in a suit and tie.

~I’m getting a little tired of steak on the grill. How about a nice quiche?

~You know, I think I’d really prefer the four-door sedan to that impractical Corvette.

~Golly I think we’re lost. Let me find a gas station to ask for directions.

~My golf clubs are only 30 years old. Why don’t you use the money my parents gave us to get something nice for the house.

~If the guys call and want me to go to that new sports club with them, tell them I’m busy. I really want to get the living room painted tonight.

~Sports cars are just such stupid little toys for men who have never really grown up.

~If you’re looking for me later, I’ll be over there looking at the home decorating magazines.

~You know, we really don’t visit your relatives enough.

~Why don’t you relax this weekend. I’ll take care of the cooking and housework.

~~~

"Two wrongs are only the beginning."

~~~

At his request, each morning three-year-old Ray’s mother pinned a bath towel to the back shoulders of his size two T- shirt. Immediately in his young imaginative mind the towel became a brilliant magic blue and red cape.

And he became Superman. Outfitted each day in his "cape," Ray’s days were packed with adventure and daring escapades. He was Superman.

This fact was clearly pointed out last fall when his mother enrolled him in kindergarten class. During the course of the interview, the teacher asked Ray his name.

"Superman," he answered politely and without pause.

The teacher smiled, cast an appreciative glance at his mother, and asked again, "Your real name, please."

Again, Ray answered, "Superman."

Realizing the situation demanded more authority, or maybe to hide amusement, the teacher closed her eyes for a moment, then in a voice quite stern, said, "I will have to have your real name for the records."

Sensing he’d have to play straight with the teacher, Ray slid his eyes around the room, hunched closer to her, and patting a corner of frayed towel at his shoulder, answered in a voice hushed with conspiracy, "Clark Kent."

~~~

"Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.

Wendell Johnson

~~~

There’s this little guy sitting inside a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half-an-hour. Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down.

The poor man starts crying.

The truck driver says: "Come on man, I was just joking.

Here, I’ll buy you another drink. I just can’t see a man crying." "No, it’s not that. Today is the worst day of my life. First, I overslept and was late to an important meeting. My boss, outraged, fired me. When I left the building for my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said they could do nothing. I got a cab to return home, and after I paid the cab driver and the cab had gone, I found that I left my whole wallet in the cab. I got home only to find my wife was in bed with the gardener. I left home and came to this bar. And when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink the darn poison …"

~~~

"I don’t want to get to the end of my life and find that I have just lived the length of it.

I want to have lived the width of it as well."

Diane Ackerman

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world.
 

Please let me help you.

Wherever a man turns he can find someone who needs him.

Albert Schweitzer

 

 

As you know I tend to like almost everyone. Most people are good people but some are really special. The ones that impress me the most are those who go out of their way to help others. You’ve seen them, people who as soon as some one has a problem or catastrophe they are right there doing whatever they can for those who need them. These good people never even stop to think before they are doing what they can to help someone. They feed the homeless, nurture the sick, care for the elderly, help needy children, and give us comfort when we need it most.

 

I wish I was more like them but I am not, I often put my personal interest ahead of what I might do for someone else. At least I know that there is more that I can do and I am learning that there are plenty of opportunities for me to do so. I am doing more these days but I am doing it as much for myself as I am for others.

 

Here is a story I would like to share with you because it does show one of the benefits we often receive when we stop and do something for someone else.

 

Be a bridge over troubled water. Never fail to be a friend indeed when you see a friend in need. Often the bridge you build over troubled water is the very bridge you yourself may need to cross.

The story is told of a young man hiking through the mountains, when a sudden blinding storm struck. The entire area was covered with deep snow. Before long, the hiker’s hands and feet grew numb as he wandered through the storm and snow in search of shelter. Just then he came upon an older man who had collapsed in the snow.

"Are you OK?" asked the hiker. "I’m so cold and so tired," the weary man stammered. "My legs are numb, and I don’t think I have the strength to go any further." The hiker responded: "Let me help you." He then removed his gloves and began rubbing the man’s arms and legs. After several minutes of this gentle massage, the man felt strong enough to stand on his feet. The two men, supporting each other, made their way through the storm. Once they reached safety and shelter, the younger man thanked the other for all his help.

"Thank me?" said the older man. "I never would have made it out of there if it wasn’t for you. I owe you my life," he said.

"No, you don’t understand," responded the younger man. "I was tired, cold, and ready to give up. Helping you gave me the strength and determination to carry on. I owe you everything."

 

VICTOR M. PARACHIN

Ordained minister, freelance journalist, and author.

~~~

Instead of counting your days, make your days count.

~~~

How Cold Is Cold?

60 Californians put on sweaters (if they can find one)  

50 Miami residents turn on the heat   

40 You can see your breath, Californians shiver uncontrollably, Minnesotans go swimming  

35 Italian cars don’t start  

32 Water freezes  

30 You plan your vacation to Australia  

25 Boston water freezes, Californians weep pitiably, Minnesotans eat ice cream, Canadians go swimming  

20 Politicians begin to talk about the homeless, New York City water freezes, Miami residents plan vacation further South  

15 French cars don’t start, Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you  

10 You need jumper cables to get the car going 5 American cars don’t start  

0 Alaskans put on T-shirts  

-10 German cars don’t start, Eyes freeze shut when you blink  

-15 You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo, Arkansans stick tongue on metal objects, Miami residents cease to exist

-20 Cat insists on sleeping in pajamas with you, Politicians actually do something about the homeless, Minnesotans shovel snow off roof, Japanese cars don’t start  

-25 Too cold to think, You need jumper cables to get the driver going  

-30 You plan a two week hot bath, Swedish cars don’t start

-40 Californians disappear, Minnesotans button top button, Canadians put on sweaters, Your car helps you plan your trip South  

-50 Congressional hot air freezes, Alaskans close the bathroom window  

-80 Hell freezes over, Polar bears move South  

-90 Lawyers put their hands in their own pockets  

Note: To my lawyer friends I did not write this, I think one of my doctor friends did. Ray

~~~

If you make it plain you like people, it’s hard for them to resist liking you back.

Lois McMaster Bujold

~~~

A four-year-old was showing a little friend the family photos that covered one wall in their basement. Out of sight but not out of earshot, her mother overheard her say, "Here’s a picture of my mommy when she was a little girl. I wasn’t there, but people say she used to be nice."  

~~~

It’s easy to identify people who can’t count to ten. They’re in front of you in the supermarket express lane

~~~

Obrien and Nealy were getting well on in years, and Obrien was in the hospital in his last days.

Obrien reached out his hand to his friend and said, "Me friend, we’ve been pals since we were wee lads, and I haven’t got much more time left of this earth. When I’m gone, would you do me the biggest of favors?"

To which Nealy replied, "Why of course my good friend … anything you’d ask of me."

Obrien asked, "When I’m well planted, please pour a bottle of the very best Irish whiskey on my grave."

Nealy’s response … "Of course my good friend but … would you be offended if I was to strain it through me kidneys first?"

~~~

Someone’s sitting in the shade today because someone planted a tree a long time ago.

Warren Buffet

~~~

“That was nice of you to set up a blind date for your ex-boyfriend.”

“I know, but I don’t hold any grudges.”

“I’m surprised he trusted you enough to agree to go out with her.”

“Well, I had to swear to him she’s Jennifer Lopez’s double.”

“Wow! Is that true”?

“I wouldn’t lie. She’s twice her weight and twice her age!”

~~~

Veni, Vidi, Velcro. (I came, I saw, I stuck around)

~~~

He said: I’ve sure gotten old. I’ve had two By-pass surgeries. A hip replacement, new knees. Fought prostate cancer, and diabetes. I’m half blind, can’t hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, I’m winded, and subject to blackouts.

I have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation, hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can’t remember if I’m 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends.  

But… Thank God, I still have my Florida driver’s license.  

~~~

Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier.

Mother Teresa

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world.
 

Friends

I know the price of success: dedication, hard work, and an unremitting devotion to the things you want to see happen.

Frank Lloyd Wright:

 

 

Hi all, I am doing great! But I have been doing so great I am worn out. First, yesterday I learned that my Cardiac doc’s love me so much that they are having me back for a stress-echo test early next week. The following week I get to see them again for a CAT scan, of course that is in addition to my weekly blood test. I don’t know what they are going to do after my operation on November 8th; possibly they will invite me to their Christmas party.

 

I was to attend an important meeting this morning that I have been looking forward to for some time. But I had to make a choice since an old friend was going to be in town this morning and asked me to breakfast. My friend is a highly respected member of the medical world, a humanitarian, civic leader, and all-around good guy. He is nearing 80, just lost his wife a few months ago and soon after learned that he had cancer which required the removal of a kidney. He is recovering slowly but still gets around. He was in town being honored by a professional association and kept a few hours free so we could reminisce.

 

I was sorry to miss my meeting, the group is doing important work. But my friend was just more important. He has given much to many, including myself. I am lucky that we became friends and even luckier that he wants us to remain friends. Our lives will go on, there will be other meetings, but there will never be enough opportunities to thank my friend for all the good works he has performed in his lifetime.

~~~

“In the name of the best within you, do not sacrifice this world to those who are its worst. In the name of the values that keep you alive, do not let your vision of man be distorted by the ugly, the cowardly, the mindless in those who have never achieved his title. Do not lose your knowledge that man’s proper estate is an upright posture, an intransigent mind and a step that travels unlimited roads. Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle. The world you desired can be won, it exists, it is real, it is possible, it’s yours.”

Ayn Rand

~~~

A Florida officer pulls over an eighty-six-year-old woman because her hand signals were confusing.

"First you put your hand up, like you’re turning right, then you wave your hand up and down, then you turn left," said the officer.

"I decided not to turn right," she explains.

"Then why the up and down?" asks the officer.

"Officer," she sniffs, "I was erasing!"

~~~

A word to the wise isn’t necessary. It’s the stupid ones who need the advice.

~~~

Our 13 year old niece spent last night with us.  When we dropped her off at home, my sister-in-law asked how she behaved.  "She was an angel," I informed her.

"Really?" she questioned.

"Yes, really.  A perfect angel."  I assured her.

"I just don’t understand.  Whenever she is with you she is well behaved.  Whenever she is at home, she is a monster.  She misbehaves for everyone else.  In fact, the teachers at her school drew straws to see who would be stuck with her in their class.  How come she always behaves for you?" my sister in law asked.

"I don’t know.  I guess I just have a way with children.  I also try to educate them as well.  A child is never too young to learn."  I answered.

"What do you mean.  What did you teach her?" she inquired.

"Well, for instance, children need to learn about death and dying so they better understand this process.  I explained this concept very carefully to her."  I informed my sister-in-law.

"Really?  You explained this to her at 13?" she asked dumbfounded.

"Well, actually she was much younger when I explained this.  She now understands death perfectly.  Which is good, because it makes threatening her with it, much more effective."

~~~

It’s the things in common that make relationships enjoyable,

but it’s the little differences that make them interesting.

Todd Ruthman

~~~

   A husband and his wife advertised for a live-in maid to cook and do the housework.  A likely-looking girl came in from the country, and they hired her. She worked out fine, was a good cook, was polite, and kept the house neat.

   One day, after about six months, she came in and said she would have to quit.

   "But why?" asked the disappointed wife.

   She hemmed and hawed and said she didn’t want to say, but the wife was persistent, so finally she said, "Well, on my day off a couple of months ago I met this good-looking fellow from over in the next county, and well, I’m pregnant."

   The wife said, "Look, we don’t want to lose you.  My husband and I don’t have any children, and we’ll adopt your baby if you will stay."

   She talked to her husband; he agreed, and the maid said she would stay.  The baby came, they adopted it, and all went well.

   After several months though, the maid came in again and said that she would have to quit.  The wife questioned her, found out that she was pregnant again, talked to her husband, and offered to adopt the baby if she would stay.  She agreed, had the baby, they adopted it, and life went on as usual.

   In a few months, however, she again said she would have to leave. Same thing. She was pregnant.  They made the same offer, she agreed, and they adopted the third baby.  She worked for a week or two, but then said, "I am definitely leaving this time."

   "Don’t tell me you’re pregnant again?" asked the lady of the house.

   "No," she said, "there are just too many kids here to pick up after."

~~~

”In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life. It goes on.”

Robert Frost

~~~

She said:

I’m not as dumb as you look.

I’m not fat just horizontally disproportionate.

I’m not loafing. I work so fast I’m always finished

I’m not opinionated, I’m just always right!

I’m not paranoid! Which of my enemies told you that?

~~~

”Security is mostly a superstition…Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.”

-Helen Keller

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world.
 

Did you ask yourself?

“There is no value in life except what you choose to place upon it and no happiness in any place except what you bring to it yourself.”

Henry David Thoreau

 

 

I was at a meeting this morning where the speaker suggested that we ask ourselves meaningful questions every day. Questions like, “What is the best thing that happened to me today?” or “Who did I meet today that made me smile?” the point being to stop and appreciate what we have. I have been thinking lately, wondering if my is life so good does that mean others who live differently don’t have it as good. I don’t have answers but I am glad that I ask myself the question since I hope I never forget that so many sacrifice so much just to keep afloat and yet do it with style and grace.

I wonder sometimes if we really know how to define happiness. Many of us think we find it in the things we accumulate, the accolades of others, or just plain never having to pay attention. Maybe the following story that my friend Shirley sent me some time ago puts it all in proper perspective.

 

One day, the father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the express purpose of showing him how poor people live. They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family. On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, ‘How was the trip?’

‘It was great, Dad.’

‘Did you see how poor people live?’ the father asked.

‘Oh yeah,’ said the son.

‘So, tell me, what did you learn from the trip?’ asked the father.

The son answered: ‘I saw that we have one dog and they had four. We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end. We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night. Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon. We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight. We have servants who serve us, but they serve others. We buy our food, but they grow theirs. We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends to protect them.’

The boy’s father was speechless.

Then his son added, ‘Thanks Dad for showing me how poor we are.’

Isn’t perspective a wonderful thing? Makes you wonder what would happen if we all gave thanks for everything we have, instead of worrying about what we don’t have. Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends! ‘Life is too short and friends are too few.’

~~~

“The world is full of people that have stopped listening to themselves or have listened only their neighbors to learn what they ought to do, how they ought to behave, and what the values are they should be living for.”

Joseph Campbell

~~~

After a trial had been going on for three days, Finley, the man accused of committing the crimes, stood up and approached the judge’s bench.  "Your Honor, I would like to change my plea from ‘innocent’ to ‘guilty’ of the charges."  

The judge angrily banged his fist on the desk. "If you’re guilty, why didn’t you say so in the first place and save this court a lot of time and inconvenience?" he demanded.  

Finley looked up wide-eyed and stated, "Well, when the trial started I thought I was innocent, but that was before I heard all the evidence against me."  

~~~

"In Biblical times, a man could have as many wives as he could afford. Just like today."

Abigail Von Buren

~~~

"Mr. Chilton," the analyst said, "I think this will be your last visit."

"Does that mean I’m cured?" he asked.

"For all practical purposes, yes," she said. "I think we can safely say that your kleptomania is now under control. You haven’t stolen anything in two years, and you seem to know where the kleptomania came from."

"Well, that’s terrific, Doctor. Before I go, I’d like to tell you something. Although our relationship is strictly professional, it’s been one of the most rewarding of my life. I wish I could do something to repay you for helping me."

"You’ve paid my fee," the doctor said. "That’s the only responsibility you have."

"I know," Chilton said. "But isn’t there some personal favor I could do for you?"

"Well," the doctor said, "I’ll tell you what. If you ever suffer a relapse, my son could use a nice portable color television."

~~~

"Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you too can become great."  

Mark Twain

~~~

An older lady gets pulled over for speeding.

Older Woman: Is there a problem, officer?

Officer: Ma’am, you were speeding.

Older Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Older Woman: I’d give it to you, but I don’t have one.

Officer: Don’t have one?

Older Woman: Lost it four years ago for drunk driving.

Officer: I see. Can I see your vehicle registration papers please?

Older Woman: I can’t do that.

Officer: Why not?

Older Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Older Woman: Yes and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.

The officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes, five police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma’am, could you step out of your vehicle please? The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Older woman: Is there a problem, sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Older Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car?

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma’am?

Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driver’s license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.

The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma’am. One of my officers told me you didn’t have a license, that you stole this car and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too!

~~~

“We are so obsessed with doing that we have no time and no imagination left for being. As a result, men are valued not for what they are but for what they do or what they have – for their usefulness.”

Thomas Merton

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world.
 

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