Ray's musings and humor

Yippee!!

Wherever you go, no matter what the weather, always bring your own sunshine.

Anthony J. D’Angelo

 

 

I got through my CAT scan today. The only problem they had was finding a vein they could use for the infusion of the dye used to get contrast on the scan readouts. They sent out for a “boy is she good at sticking people” nurse and she got it done. Other than weekly blood tests I am done with the big stuff until November 8th, yippee!!

 

The combination of rising very early to go to the hospital this morning and staying up watching the Indianapolis Colts football game last night I am brain dead. So, yep you’re right, I am reprinting an old Daily. When I become the new me I promise not to do that too often.

~~~

Reprinted from the October 23, 2001 Daily

 

I was thinking while I was in Florida about how fortunate I am that my three children, their spouses, and my seven grandchildren live nearby. I have so many friends that have one or more of the children in some other part of the country or even the world. I like you, love them all. But do you know what is really special? I also really like them all as well.

~~~

Nine-tenths of wisdom is appreciation. Go find somebody’s hand and squeeze it, while there’s time.

Dale Dauten

~~~

"Horoscopes For Your Job Position…"

1) MARKETING:  You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree to avoid having to study in college, concentrating instead on drinking and socializing which is pretty much what your job responsibilities are now. Least compatible with Sales.

2) SALES:  Laziest of all signs, often referred to as "marketing without a degree." You are also self centered and paranoid. Unless someone calls you and begs you to take their money, you like to avoid contact with customers so you can "concentrate on the big picture." You seek admiration for your golf game throughout your life.

3) TECHNOLOGY:  Unable to control anything in your personal life, you are instead content to completely control everything that happens at your workplace. Often even YOU don’t understand what you are saying but who the heck can tell. It is written that Geeks shall inherit the Earth.

4) ENGINEERING:  One of only two signs that actually studied in school. It is said that ninety percent of all Personal Ads are placed by engineers. You can be happy with yourself; your office is full of all the latest "ergodynamic" gadgets. However, we all know what is really causing your "carpal tunnel syndrome."

5) ACCOUNTING:  The only other sign that studied in school. You are mostly immune from office politics. You are the most feared person in the organization; combined with your extreme organizational traits, the majority of rumors concerning you say that you are completely insane. Oh, and usually the first to be incarcerated.

6) HUMAN RESOURCES:  Ironically, given your access to confidential information, you tend to be the biggest gossip within the organization. Possibly the only other person that does less work than marketing, you are unable to return any calls today because you have to get a haircut, have lunch AND then mail a letter.

7) MANAGEMENT/MIDDLE MANAGEMENT:  Catty, cut-throat, yet completely spineless, you are destined to remain at your current job for the rest of your life. Unable to make a single decision you tend to measure your worth by the number of meetings you can schedule for yourself. Best suited to marry other "Middle Managers" as everyone in you social circle is a "Middle Manager."

8) SENIOR MANAGEMENT:  See above – Same sign, different title.

9) CUSTOMER SERVICE:  Bright, cheery, positive, you are a fifty cent cab ride from taking your own life. As children very few of you asked your parents for a little cubicle for your room and a headset so you could pretend to play "Customer Service." Continually passed over for promotions, your best bet is to sleep with your manager.

10) CONSULTANT:  Lacking any specific knowledge, you use acronyms to avoid revealing your utter lack of experience.  You have convinced yourself that your "skills" are in demand, and that you could get a higher paying job with any other organization in a heartbeat. You will spend an eternity contemplating these career opportunities without ever taking direct action.

11) RECRUITER, "HEADHUNTER":  As a "person" that profits from the success of others, you are disdained by most people who actually work for a living. Paid on commission and susceptible to alcoholism, your ulcers and frequent heart attacks correspond directly with fluctuations in the stock market.

12) PARTNER, PRESIDENT, CEO:  You are brilliant or lucky.  Your inability to figure out complex systems such as the fax machine suggest the latter.

~~~

Our lives would run a lot more smoothly if second thoughts came first.

~~~

An insurance salesman was trying to persuade a housewife that she should take out life insurance. "Suppose your husband were to die," he said, "What would you get?"

The housewife thought for a while, and then said, "Oh, a parrot, I think.  Then the house wouldn’t seem so quiet."

~~~

I am in shape! ..Round is a shape.

~~~

Two hunters got a pilot to fly them into the far north for elk hunting.

They were quite successful in their venture, and bagged six big bucks. The pilot came back as arranged to pick them up.

They started loading their gear into the plane, including the six elk. But the pilot objected.  "The plane can take out only four of your elk; you will have to leave two behind," he stated.

They argued with him; the year before the had shot six and the pilot had allowed them to put all aboard, and the plane was just the same model and capacity as this.

Reluctantly the pilot finally permitted them to put all six aboard.

But when they attempted to take off and leave the valley where they were, the little plane could not make it, and they crashed in the wilderness.

Climbing out of the wreckage, one hunter said to the other, "Do you know where we are?"

"I think so," replied the other hunter.  "I think this is about the same place where the plane crashed last year."

~~~

I married my wife for her looks. But not the ones she’s been giving me lately!

~~~

"Oh, Laura!" cried her neighbor, "I’m so very sorry to hear about the loss of your husband.  He was such a wonderful man.  I’m sure he left you well provided for, didn’t he?"

Laura dabbed at her eyes and muttered, "Yes, he was a very caring husband and he left me almost half a million dollars in his will.  I miss him so much that I’d give fifty thousand just to have him back!"

~~~

No one ever says "It’s only a game," when their team is winning.

~~~

A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean.  The audience would be different each

week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same  tricks over and over again.

There was only one problem:  The captain’s parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick.  Once he understood he started shouting in the middle of the show:

"Look, it’s not the same hat."

"Look, he is hiding the flowers under the table."

"Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?"

The magician was furious but couldn’t do anything; it was, after all, the captain’s parrot.

One day the ship had an accident and sank.  The magician found himself on a piece of wood in the middle of the ocean with the parrot, of course.

They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day and another and another.

After a week the parrot said:  "OK, I give up.  Where’s the boat?"

~~~

Friendship is the only cement that will ever hold the world together.

Woodrow Wilson

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world.
 

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