A bear, however hard he tries, grows tubby without exercise.
If I would have known that a message like I sent yesterday would result in so many offers to meet for breakfast, coffee, or lunch I would have had my health problems sooner. I think I made it sound worse than it is but even at that I will not be able to join you for the marathon, the channel swim, or even the Appalachian Trail hike.
After reading the literature on my operation I can see the value of waiting for a few months with no medication. If I get to the point where I am in a-fib a 100% of the time they will have the best shot at shutting down the culprit. I have asked my cardiologist to let me go off the arrhythmia meds immediately. I’ll rise to the occasion. But I need you to do me a favor, if you overhear me telling someone I am worn out because I just returned from a mountain climb in Nepal just go along with the story, that way I’ll shift from wimp to super-guy.
Writing that wore me out, I am not use to pretending I just climbed a mountain so here we go again, a trip back in time.
August 25, 2003
I said then: The world news continues to get worse. I wish it didn’t. It seems like we don’t know what to do, a miracle would help. So like they say, when things get tough, the tough get going, so I am going to Florida Wednesday morning. I want to see if they have better news there.
Have you ever watched kids playing on a merry go round
or listened to the rain lapping on the ground?
Ever followed a butterfly’s erratic flight
or gazed at the sun into the fading night?
Do you run through each day on the fly?
When you ask "How are you?" Do you hear the reply?
When the day is done, do you lie in your bed
with the next hundred chores running through your head?
Ever told your child, "We’ll do it tomorrow."
And in your haste, not see his sorrow?
Ever lost touch? Let a good friendship die?
Just call to say "Hi"?
When you worry and hurry through your day,
it is like an unopened gift….Thrown away…
Life is not a race. Take it slower.
Hear the music before the song is over.
Patience in the present, faith in the future, and joy in the doing
Sam Cohen, father of 3 and faithful husband for over 40 years, unexpectedly drops dead one day. His lawyer informs his widow that Stu Schwartz, Sam’s best friend since childhood, is to be executor of the will. The day comes to divide Sam’s earthly possessions, over a million dollars’ worth. In front of Sam’s family, Stu reads the will:
"Stu, if you’re reading this, then I must be dead. You’ve were such a good friend for so long, how can I ignore you in this will? On the other hand, there are my beloved Sophie and my children to be looked after. Stu, I know you can make sure my family is taken care of properly. So Stu, give what you want to her and take the rest for yourself." Stu then looks at the survivors and tells them that, in accordance with Sam’s instructions, Stu will give fifty thousand dollars to Sam’s widow. The rest he is retaining for himself.
The family is beside itself. "This is impossible! Forty years of marriage and then *this*?! It can’t be!" So the family sues. Their day in court arrives, and after testimony from both sides, the judge gives his verdict: "To Stuart Schwartz, I award fifty thousand dollars of the contested money. The remainder shall go to Sophie Cohen, widow of the deceased."
Needless to say, the family is elated, but Stu is dumbfound. "Your honor, how can you do this? The will made Sam’s wishes quite clear: ‘Give what you want to her and take the rest for yourself!’ I wanted the lion’s share! What gives?"
The judge answered back, "Mr. Schwartz, Sam Cohen knew you his whole life. He wanted to give you something in gratitude. He also wanted to see his family taken care of. So he drew up his will accordingly. But you misread his instructions. You see, Sam knew just what kind of a person you are, so with his family’s interest in mind, he didn’t say, "Give what you want to her and keep the rest for yourself.’ No. What Sam said was, "Give what YOU want to HER; and keep the rest for yourself."
Q: What do you instantly know when you see a well-dressed husband?
A: His wife is good at choosing his clothes.
Howard came home from work one evening and there was his wife Miriam in the kitchen crying out loud.
"What’s the matter, darling?" he asked her.
"I just don’t know what to do," said Miriam. "Because we were eating in for a change, I cooked us a special dinner – but the dog has just eaten it."
"Don’t worry," said Howard, "I’ll get us another dog."
Sign spotted in a toilet in a London office block:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW
Stan was having problems in English class, so his teacher decided to stop by on her way home to speak with his parents. When she rang the bell, Stan answered.
"I’d like to talk to your mother or father," she said.
"Sorry, but they ain’t here."
"Stan!" she said, "what is it with your grammar?"
"Beats me," he replied, "but dad sure was mad that they had t’go bail her out again!"
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing:
either the car or his wife is new.
Hi Mom. Can I leave the kids with you tonight? You’re going out?
Yes. With whom? With a friend.
I don’t know why you left your husband. He is such a good man. I didn’t leave him. He left me!
You let him leave you, and now you go out with anybody and nobody. I do not go out with anybody. Can I bring over the kids?
I never left you to go out with anybody except your father. There are lots of things that you did and I don’t.
What are you hinting at? Nothing. I just want to know if I can bring the kids over tonight.
You’re going to stay the night with him? What will your husband say if he finds out?
My EX husband. I don’t think he would be bothered. From the day he left me, he probably never slept alone!
So you’re going to sleep over at this loser’s place? He’s not a loser.
A man who goes out with a divorced woman with children is a loser and a parasite.
I don’t want to argue. Should I bring over the kids or not? Poor children with such a mother.
Such as what? With no stability. No wonder your husband left you.
Don’t scream at me. You probably scream at this loser too! Now you’re worried about the loser?
Ah, so you see he’s a loser. I spotted him immediately.
Wait! Don’t hang up! When are you bringing them over?
I’m not bringing them over! I’m not going out!
If you never go out, how do you expect to meet anyone?
"The most wonderful thing about miracles is that they sometimes happen."
Stay well, do good work, and have fun.
Indianapolis, Indiana, USA
Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.
The editor is somewhat senile.