Ray's musings and humor

We are writing it now!

We are made wise not by the recollection of our past,

but by the responsibility for our future.

George Bernard Shaw:

 

Here we go, another Monday, tomorrow today will be history with no chance for correction, editing, or rewrite. Our personal history my not ever make the best seller list but it will be our legacy and define who we are and who we have been. There are days when I feel that having nothing to add is good, for at least I did not make a mistake that I would later regret. I am speaking from experience because I have had far too many of those in my life already. I much prefer it when what is written is something that had value, even if it is only something inconsequential.

 

I have found that when I decide at the beginning of the day that I will consciously look for something to do that is positive I usually find that I do. I don’t have to look for something of great significance to do that will make the world a better place, if I did that I might overlook the little things that I can do. It may be only holding a door or telling someone how much you appreciate them, what ever it might be it adds a quiet luster to our own history and if we polish up our history often enough it will eventually shine with a dazzling radiance.

 

If you want to join my personal history making endeavor you might enjoy following this advice:

 

be happy

help

help someone

help someone who needs it

help someone who needs it badly

help someone who needs it badly and you know there will be no return

help someone who is not related to you

help someone who is not your close friend

help someone who does not expect you to

help when it is not your duty

help in whatever way you can

help

and you will be happy

~~~

STUFF YOUR MOM TAUGHT YOU

TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE; "if you’re going to kill each other, do it outside.  I just finished cleaning."

RELIGION; "You better pray that comes out of the carpet."

TIME TRAVEL; "If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week."

LOGIC; "Because I said so, that’s why!"

MORE LOGIC; "If you fall off that swing and break your neck, you‘re not going to the store with me."

FORESIGHT; "Make sure you wear clean underwear, just in case you are in an accident."

IRONY; "Keep crying and I’ll give you something to cry about."

OSMOSIS; "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

CONTORTIONISM; "Will you look at that dirt in the back of your neck."

STAMINA; "You sit there ’till all that spinach is gone."

WEATHER; "This room of yours looks like a tornado just went through it."

HYPOCRISY; "I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times.  Don’t exaggerate!"

CIRCLE OF LIFE; "I brought you into this world, I can take you out."

BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION; "Stop acting like your father."

ENVY; "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do."

ANTICIPATION; "Just wait until we get home."

MEDICAL SCIENCE; "If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they’re going to freeze like that."

ESP; "Put your sweater on.  Don’t you think I know when you‘re cold?"

HUMOR; "When the lawn mower cuts your toes off, don’t come running to me."

GENETICS; "You‘re just like your father."

WISDOM; "When you get to be my age, you’ll understand."

JUSTICE; "One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

~~~

Nothing is fool-proof to a talented fool.

~~~

Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie, whose dog had recently died.  

"You know, it’s not your fault that the dog died. He’s probably up in heaven right now, having a grand old time with God."  

Susie, still crying, said "What would God want with a dead dog?"  

~~~

"What a wonderful life I’ve had! I only wish I’d realized it sooner."

~~~

"Famous Mothers"

PAUL REVERE’S MOTHER: "I don’t care where you think you have to go, young man, midnight is past your curfew."

MONA LISA’S MOTHER: "After all that money your father and I spent on braces, that’s the biggest smile you can give us?"

COLUMBUS’ MOTHER: "I don’t care what you’ve discovered, you still could have written!"

MICHELANGELO’ S MOTHER: "Can’t you paint on walls like other children? Do you have any idea how hard it is to get that stuff off the ceiling?"

NAPOLEON’S MOTHER: "All right, if you aren’t hiding your report card inside your jacket, take your hand out of there and show me."

ABRAHAM LINCOLN’S MOTHER: "Again with the stovepipe hat? Can’t you just wear a baseball cap like the other kids?"

MARY’S MOTHER: "I’m not upset that your lamb followed you to school, but I would like to know how he got a better grade than you."

ALBERT EINSTEIN’S MOTHER: "But it’s your senior picture. Can’t you do something about your hair? Styling gel, mousse, something . . .?"

GEORGE WASHINGTON’S MOTHER: "The next time I catch you throwing money across the Potomac, you can kiss your allowance good-bye!"

JONAH’S MOTHER: "That’s a nice story. Now tell me where you’ve really been for the last forty years."

THOMAS EDISON’S MOTHER: "Of course I’m proud that you invented the electric light bulb. Now turn it off and get to bed!"

~~~

We forfeit three-fourths of ourselves in order to be like other people.

Arthur Schopenhauer

~~~

A soldier was asked to report to headquarters for assignment. The sergeant said: "We have a critical shortage of typists. I’ll give you a little test. Type this," he ordered, giving him a pamphlet to copy and a sheet of paper, and pointing to a desk across the room that held a typewriter and an adding machine.  

The soldier, quite reluctant to become a clerk typist, made a point of typing very slowly, and saw to it that his work contained as many errors as possible.  

The sergeant gave the typed copy only a brief glance. "That’s fine," he said. "Report for work at 8 tomorrow."  

"But aren’t you going to check the test?" the prospective clerk asked. The sergeant grinned.  

"You passed the test," he replied, "when you sat down at the typewriter instead of at the adding machine."  

~~~

Don’t judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by the seeds you plant.

Robert Louis Stevenson

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world.
 

 

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