Ray's musings and humor

“We act as though comfort and luxury were the chief requirements of life, when all we need to make us really happy is something to be enthusiastic about.”

Charles Kingsley

! courage-roar

Wouldn’t you know it, I acted like I had completely recovered from my spine pain and twisted my back jumping out of bed and then made it worse by too much morning activity. So when I reported yesterday that I was having a new beginning I had not meant that I would be taking a step backward. It just goes to show you that you cannot depend on mind over matter because if you think you can and really can’t it does matter. But I really am grateful that I have made so much progress and find that slowing down is just a minor setback.

So my YMCA friends and my fellow Kiwanis members it looks like my empty chair is going to have to stay empty for a while yet. I am limiting my exercise to mental workouts and my service to thinking good thoughts. I probably will not reappear until next week; meanwhile there is always the Daily.

I really have no right to complain since I, like you, are so much more well off than most folks. Here is a reminder of how good we have it.

Are You Blessed?

Author Unknown

If you woke up this morning with more health than illness……….you are more blessed than the million who will not survive this week.

If you have never experienced the danger of battle, the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture, or the pangs of starvation…….you are ahead of 500 million people in the world.

If you have food in the refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof overhead and a place to sleep…you are richer than 75% of this world.

If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and spare change in a dish someplace……. you are among the top 8% of the world’s wealthy.

If you hold up your head with a smile on your face and are truly thankful…..you are blessed because the majority can, but most do not.

If you can read this now, you are more blessed than over two billion people in the world that cannot read at all.

~~~

“Two men look out through the same bars; one sees the mud and one sees the stars.”

Frederick Langbridge

~~~

Top 15 Clues That Your Company Has Been Sold

  1. People you have never met assure you that nothing will change.
  2. They issue new nametags without the company name on them.
  3. The company logo on our paychecks gets changed to something else. When this is questioned, we’re just told not to worry, it will be discussed in a meeting next week.
  4. My paycheck did NOT bounce.
  5. An announcement that on Monday we should report to the new building… in a different state.
  6. English-German dictionaries show up on everyone’s desks.
  7. The budget for your project suddenly doubles in size. Uh, how’d we get that much money?
  8. The pointy-haired owners are cleaning out their desks and their offices, of a company that their family has owned for over 40 years, but tell you that they are redecorating their office at home and want all their things there?
  9. What is this “Lot 642” tag stapled to my ear?
  10. The pointy-haired boss called a meeting to let whole department know we weren’t being bought, everything was O.K. and don’t worry.
  11. I post articles to an online edition of the local newspaper. I learned the newspaper had been sold when I received an article to post about the sale.
  12. You get voicemail messages from some temp company you’ve never heard of or called, who say they got your number from your boss.
  13. The boss starts doing work.
  14. The ‘Coming Soon…’ sign on the front lawn…
  15. A letter on your desk which reads, “Thanks for all your hard work, BUT….”

~~~

I believe the only time the world beats a path to my door is when I’m in the bathroom.

~~~

In a small town in the US, there is a rather sizable factory that hires only married men.  Concerned about this, a local woman called on the manager and asked him, “Why is it you limit your employees to married men?  Is it because you think women are weak, dumb, cantankerous…or what?”

“Not at all, Ma’am,” the manager replied.  “It is because our employees are used to obeying orders, are accustomed to being shoved around, know how to keep their mouths shut and don’t pout when I yell at them.”

~~~

If rabbit’s feet are so lucky, what happened to the rabbit?

~~~

Mr. Jacobson decided to take a week off from the pressures of the office and went skiing. Alas, no sooner did he reach the slopes than he heard an ominous rumbling: moments later a sheet of snow came crashing toward him. Fortunately, Mr. Jacobson was able to jump into a cave just before the avalanche hit. Just as fortunately, he had matches with him and was able to light a fire.

Hours later, when everyone but Mr. Jacobson had returned, a rescue team was sent to search for him. After several hours they saw smoke curling from the cave and went to investigate. Poking his head into the entrance, one of the rescuers yelled, “Mr. Jacobson, are you there? It’s the Red Cross.”

Bristling, the harried executive called back, “Get lost. I gave at the office!”

~~~

“What a life. When I was a kid I asked my dad if I could go ice skating. He told me to wait until it gets warmer.”

Rodney Dangerfield

~~~

POINTS TO PONDER

How do you get off a non-stop flight?

How many weeks are there in a light year?

If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his Walkman?

If swimming is good for your shape, then why do the whales look the way they do?

If you jog backwards, will you gain weight?

Why do the signs that say “Slow Children” have a picture of a running child?

Why do we sing Take me out to the ball game, when we are already there?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

~~~

“My friends accused me of being a hypochondriac, which made me think: What if I *am* a hypochondriac, in addition to all these other ailments I have?”

Jenny Wong

~~~

An optometrist was instructing a new employee on how to charge a customer:

“As you are fitting his glasses, if he asks how much they cost, you say, ‘$75.’ … if his eyes don’t flutter, say, ‘For the frames. The lenses will be $50.’…”

“If his eyes still don’t flutter, you add, ‘Each.'”

~~~

“In spite of illness, in spite of the arch enemy sorrow, one can remain alive long past the usual date of disintegration if one is unafraid of change, insatiable of intellectual curiosity, interested in big things, and happy in small ways.”

Edith Wharton

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

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