Ray's musings and humor

Archive for May, 2014

Stay young and enjoy life

No man is a failure who is enjoying life.

William Feather

 enjoy-your-life

 Yesterday I shared with you that I appreciated how I could now put available time to good use. Good use to me does not mean doing more of the same things I always have done for often that is a sure way to find yourself dug further unto a lifelong rut. So often a great new experience or lesson can be found nearby but only if we are willing to go out and find it.

I am glad that I get to define what a great new experience is for I have learned that even what appears to have little consequence in fact adds something to my enjoyment. As I walk through life each day I find flowers waiting to be seen, people standing by ready to be met and surprising lessons to be learned. I now know that no matter how long I live I will never run out of things to do, people to meet or things to see.

Here is a list of simple ways to enjoy life that I copied from the Life Optimizer web site. If you make time for just one of these most days you stand a good chance of finding that you have caught the love life virus.

 

1.Enjoy your meal. Don’t just eat. Taste it and appreciate its richness.

2.Learn to cook.

3.Feel music and not just listen to it.

4.Play music. More than just listening, playing music allows you to express yourself.

5.Sing.

6.Gather with old friends.

7.Take a walk in the park.

8.Go hiking.

9.Read a novel.

10.Find and watch a movie you like.

11.Give yourself a lazy day.

12.Play board games with your friends.

13.Have a candle-light dinner with your spouse.

14.Play mini games.

15.Read comics.

16.See beautiful pictures.

17.Read inspiring quotes.

18.Learn to paint.

19.Read a classic book.

20.Exercise with friends.

21.Watch funny videos.

22.Play with kids.

23.Play a mind game.

24.Have a cup of coffee.

25.Get a massage.

26.Go to a museum.

27.Go to a theater.

28.Watch sunrise.

29.Take pictures.

30.Browse your photo album for your treasured memories.

~~~

Believe in yourself, not only in swimming, but in life itself. You always have to have fun. You have to have an open mind. If you’re not enjoying it, don’t do it. Life’s too short.

Debbie Meyer

~~~

He:  I have a complaint, dear.

She:  What is it, darling?

He:  We’ve been married twenty-five years and you still correct me every time I open my mouth, dear.

She:  Twenty-six years, darling.

~~~

People will believe anything if you whisper it.

~~~

Tower: “United 702, cleared for takeoff, contact departure on 124.7.”

United 702: “Tower, United 702 switching to departure …by the way, after we lifted off, we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway.”

Tower: “Continental 635, cleared for takeoff. Contact departure on 124.7; did you copy the report from United?”

Continental 635: “Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied United. We’ve already notified our caterers.”

~~~

If you don’t have a sense of humor, you probably don’t have any sense at all.

~~~

She said: My husband and I have our two mothers sharing a double room in our community seniors’ home. One is 96, mentally alert, but has little sight; the other is 90, in good health, but is often confused and totally devoid of memory retention or recall. Together, they complement each other’s handicaps and help each other: one relates the messages; the other relates the vision.

While out on a drive one day, my mother was describing the passing scene, and said to my mother-in-law, “Too bad you aren’t able to see all this.”

My mother-in-law quickly replied: “That’s all right. At least I’ll remember where I’ve been.”

~~~

Love is blind — and it’s not too bright, either.

~~~

The minister gave his Sunday morning service, as usual, but this particular Sunday, it was considerably longer than normal.

Later, at the door, shaking hands with parishioners as they filed out, one man said,

“Your sermon, Pastor, was simply wonderful – so invigorating and inspiring and refreshing.”

The minister of course, broke out in a big smile, only to hear the man add, “Why I felt like a new man when I woke up!”

~~~

I wonder how long I would be on hold if my call WASN’T important to them?

~~~

Morris realized he needed to purchase a hearing aid, but he felt unwilling to spend much money. “How much do they cost?” he asked the salesperson.

“That depends,” he said. “They run from $2.00 to $2,000.”

“Let’s see the $2.00 model,” said Morris the miser.

The salesperson put the device around Morris’ neck. “You just stick this button in your ear and run this little string down to your pocket,” he instructed.

“How does it work?” , asked Morris.

“For $2.00 it doesn’t work,” the salesperson replied. “But when people see it on you, they’ll talk louder.”

~~~

If you spend your whole life waiting for the storm, you’ll never enjoy the sunshine.

Morris West

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

 

I am still learning

Let us strive to improve ourselves, for we cannot remain stationary; one either progresses or retrogrades.

Mme. Du Deffand

 ??????????????????

 One of the side effects of retirement is uncommitted time in our personal bank. There is hardly a day that goes by that we don’t have some hours that we can use any way we want. Many of us turn the free time into waiting time, waiting for something to happen or something to do only to learn that we can’t wait for something to come to us to enrich our days. Others use the time to see, learn and enhance what they have.

I have been grateful to finally have time to see the good in people that I never saw before. I also have enjoyed seeing the results of people’s efforts while getting to know many of the great creators. I have listened to some outstanding lectures on our culture, our history and we the people. It is amazing how that which was once boring has taken on a new luster with the patina added by time.

I think the greatest gift we are given is the opportunity to see what we have missed over the years, but not only see it but appreciate it. And best of all I find that some of my favorite heroes are not the guys that hit the home runs but the guys who sell the hot dogs in the stands.

The bottom line is that continuing to always work on self-improvement pays off by enriching all of our years. Here are some tips that are worthwhile no matter if you are 18 or 80. I wish I knew who wrote the piece, I think I would like him

 

Self-Improvement As It Applies To You.

How does self-improvement apply to each of us? There is no one system or technique which applies equally across the board. There are numerous books, articles, teachers, techniques and schools of thought to guide us in our quest for self- improvement. There are a number of common threads running throughout all of these. Here are just a few of them:

Treat others as you wish to be treated.

You become what you constantly think about.

You determine what you are and what you will be by the choices you make.

When you honestly and deeply believe something it will become true.

Eat, breathe and live as though you were wealthy and you will become wealthy.

When your main focus is on lack and poverty you will continue to be poor and lacking.

Visualize what you wish as though it were true right now and not at some future date.

Take action on your wishes (dreams, desires).

Life is but a journey which is taken one step at a time. All we ever have is the step we are currently taking.

Never accept anything as being the truth for you until you have verified it for your own purposes. Another’s truth may well be the direct opposite of your truth.

No matter what you do or what happens, just do not quit. Those who continue to seek self-development and growth always win. It is simply a matter of time.

~~~

Be positive, as positive thoughts become your word, your words become your behavior, your behavior becomes your habit, your habit becomes your value and your value becomes your destiny.

Anil Sinha

~~~

After 20 years two college rivals bumped into each other. “Do you remember how I used to be so fat and flabby?’ asked the first “Well, I’ve been on an exercise program for a few years, and now I run marathons.”

“That’s’ great!” replied the other man.

“And,” the first man continued, “do you remember how I used to be shy and a poor student? Well, I took a course in public speaking, and now I make hundreds of thousands of dollars a year on the lecture circuit”

“That’s great!” came the reply.

“Oh, and how about you?” the first man asked. “Have you changed at all?”

“Well, yes I have,” replied the second man. “Remember how brutally honest I used to be, and how when someone said something uninteresting, I would reply, “I couldn’t care less?” Well now I just say, “That’s’ great!”

~~~

You’re getting old when you don’t care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don’t have to go along.

~~~

A man is being tailgated by a stressed-out woman on a busy boulevard. Suddenly, the light turns yellow, just in front of him. He does the right thing and stops at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.

The tailgating woman hits the roof, and the horn, fuming in frustration as she misses her chance to get through the intersection with him. As she is still in mid-rant, she hears a tap on her window and looks up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer orders her to exit her car with her hands up.

He takes her to the police station where she is searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a cell. After a couple of hours, a policeman approaches the cell and opens the door. She is escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer is waiting with her personal effects.

He says, “I’m very sorry for this mistake.” “You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping the guy off in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him. ” I noticed the “Choose Life” license plate holder, the “What Would Jesus Do” bumper sticker, the “Follow Me to Sunday School” bumper sticker, and the chrome plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk.”

“Naturally I assumed you had stolen the car.”

~~~

I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That’s my idea of a perfect day.

~~~

He said: As a high school football coach, I’m aware that student athletes tend to focus too much on sports.  Bob, a fellow coach, was talking about one such player, who called him at home one night. When his wife informed the kid that Bob wasn’t home, he became frantic and said he had to speak to the coach right away.

“Just calm down, and I’ll have him call you as soon as he gets home,” the coach’s wife told him.  “What’s your number?”

The flustered kid replied, “Three.”

~~~

“You are essentially who you create yourself to be and all that occurs in your life is the result of your own making.”

Stephen Richards

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

Thank you Mr. Berlin

Life is 10 percent what you make it, and 90 percent how you take it.

Irving Berlin

Irving-Berlin

Last Sunday I had the good fortune of attending a performance of I Love a Piano by the Actors Theatre of Indiana. The show is a musical revue made up entirely of Irving Berlin’s songs. Berlin gave us great musical moments over the years with such songs as Blue Moon, Always, White Christmas, God Bless America and hundreds of others.

After the show I commented to the audience that listening to what Berlin wrote left me believing he was one of our greatest Americans for he saw us as people who cared and who could do great things. Who would have thought a poverty stricken Russian Jewish Immigrant who grew up in the tenements on the Lower East Side of Manhattan would do so much to help us see ourselves not only as we are but as we might be. I wish we had others like him to hold our hands and our hearts during both good and bad times.

Here are excerpts from a piece written by Marc Chernoff entitled Amazing Things You Will Never Forget that I think has a Berlin flavor. It is worthwhile to stop and realize that what we have is worth appreciating.

….pay attention to your outlook on life.  Every day you can either regret or rejoice; it’s your choice.  When you choose the latter, life opens doors to amazing experiences you will likely remember forever. 

Things You Will Never Forget

Flowing and working through life’s great challenges. – No matter what happens, do your best and smile.  You won’t enjoy your life if you don’t enjoy your challenges.  Great challenges make life interesting, and overcoming them makes life meaningful.

The freedom that comes from acceptance. – The secret to happiness and peace is letting every situation be what it is, instead of what you think it should be, and then making the best of it.

Moments of sincere gratitude. – Appreciate life even when it’s not ideal.  Happiness is not the fulfillment of what we wish for, but an appreciation for what we have.  When life gives you every reason to be negative, think of one good reason to be positive.  There’s always something to be grateful for.

Walking comfortably in your own shoes. – We are all weird in some way. What sets you apart may seem like a burden, but it’s not.  Most of the time it’s what makes you so incredible. The moment you start listening to your inner voice, rather than defying it. – Sometimes your mind needs more time to accept what your heart already knows.  Breathe.  Be a witness, not a judge.  Listen to your intuition.

Designing your own life, your own way. – No matter how you live, someone will be disappointed.  So live a life you are proud of.  Live YOUR truth and be sure YOU aren’t the one who is disappointed in the end.

Working hard on something you love. – Hard work becomes easy when your work becomes your play.  Never underestimate the value of loving what you do.  When we lose ourselves in the things we love, we find ourselves there, too.

Being courageous enough to grow and evolve. – It takes courage to grow and become who you really are.  Don’t fear change.  You may lose something good, but you may also gain something great.

When you have a great reason to be impressed with yourself. – Spend less time impressing others and more time impressing yourself.  Climb a mountain so you can see the world, not so the world can see you.

Engaging deeply in your own journey, drama-free. – Let the tasks of refining, improving, and appreciating your own life keep you so busy that you have no need and no time to criticize others, or engage in their drama.

Knowing you did the right thing. – True integrity is doing the right thing, no matter what, even when nobody’s going to know whether you did it or not.

Seeing genuine smile you helped create. – Few things are more satisfying than helping someone else smile a little more than before.

~~~

Everybody ought to have a lower East Side in their life.

Irving Berlin

~~~

Extra, Extra Read All About It:

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted

Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case

Farmer Bill Dies in House

Iraqi Head Seeks Arms

Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?

~~~

Why do the signs that say “Slow Children” have a picture of a running child

~~~

A woman goes to England to attend a 2-week, company training session. Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.

The wife answers: “Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?”

The husband laughs and says: “An English girl !!!” The woman kept quiet and left.

Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks: “So, honey, how was the trip?” “Very good, thank you.” she replies “And, what happened to my present?” he asks “Which present?” she replied, forgetting about what they had said before she left. “What I asked for: the English girl?!” he reminded her “Oh, that!” She said, suddenly remembering what they’d talked about “Well, I did what I could, now we have to wait a few months to see if its a girl !!!”

~~~

One who lacks the courage to start has already finished.

~~~

Jill wanted a divorce from Todd.  The judge asked, “What fault do you find with your husband?”

“Your Honor, he’s a liar, a brute, a thief and a brainless idiot.”

“That’s very serious,” exclaimed his Honor, “Can you prove all that?”

“Prove it? Why everybody knows it.”

“If you knew all this, then why did you marry him?”

“I didn’t know it before I married him.”

Todd shouted out, “She did too!”

~~~

In my day, we didn’t have water. We had to smash together our own hydrogen and oxygen atoms.

~~~

While attending a convention, three psychiatrists take a walk.

“People are always coming to us with their guilt and fears,” one says, “but we have no one to go to with our own problems.”

“Since we’re all professionals,” another suggests, “why don’t we hear each other out right now?”

They agreed this is a good idea. The first psychiatrist confesses, “I’m a compulsive shopper and deeply in debt, so I usually overbill my patients as often as I can.”

The second admits, “I have a drug problem that’s out of control, and I frequently pressure my patients into buying illegal drugs for me.”

The third psychiatrist says, “I know it’s wrong, but no matter how hard I try, I just can’t keep a secret.”

~~~

Our attitudes control our lives. Attitudes are a secret power working twenty-four hours a day, for good or bad. It is of paramount importance that we know how to harness and control this great force.

Irving Berlin

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

 

He is a great role model

“There is little difference in people, but that little difference makes a big difference. The little difference is attitude. The big difference is whether it is positive or negative.”

W. Clement Stone

 Stay-Positive

One of my son-in-laws father recently had a near death experience. He had a severe circulatory problem that required immediate major surgery that would provide him the chance to survive. The operation lasted nearly eight hours and thankfully he lived but not without complications. It turns out that the aneurysm that created the problem had restricted blood flow to one leg for some time and so two days later they had to amputate the leg just below the knee.

We all know how devastating such a loss can be, often resulting is major depression and mental agony. I have known this man for only a few years and view him as a special friend. He lives in a small town with his wonderful wife and has one of the nicest families I have ever met. They exude kindness, good will and soft humor. He is the kind of guy you would love to have in your family.

I went to visit him this past weekend fully expecting that he would need some support to help him through the shock of the loss of a leg. I was totally wrong for I found a man who while in pain was in high spirits. You see my friend chose not to focus on the loss of his leg but on the fact that he had avoided a catastrophic problem. His smile and good humor was inspirational and I left feeling fortunate to know him.

Here is a story about another man who chose to survive and then thrive. I hope you enjoy it. I don’t know who wrote it.

WE HAVE TWO CHOICES:

Jerry was the kind of guy you love to hate. He was always in a good mood and always had something positive to say. When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply, “If I were any better, I would be twins!” He was a unique manager because he had several waiters who had followed him around from restaurant to restaurant. The reason the waiters followed Jerry was because of his attitude. He was a natural motivator.

If an employee was having a bad day, Jerry was there telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation. Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up to Jerry and asked him, “I don’t get it! You can’t be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?”

Jerry replied, “Each morning I wake up and say to myself, ‘Jerry, you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or you can choose to be in a bad mood.’ I choose to be in a good mood. Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or I can choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it. Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or I can point out the positive side of life. I choose the positive side of life.”

“Yeah, right, it’s not that easy,” I protested.

“Yes, it is,” Jerry said. “Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react to situations. You choose how people will affect your mood. You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. The bottom line: It’s your choice how you live life.”

I reflected on what Jerry said. Soon thereafter, I left the restaurant industry to start my own business. We lost touch, but I often thought about him when I made a choice about life instead of reacting to it.

Several years later, I heard that Jerry did something you are never supposed to do in a restaurant business: he left the back door open one morning and was held up at gunpoint by three armed robbers. While trying to open the safe, his hand, shaking from nervousness, slipped off the combination. The robbers panicked and shot him. Luckily, Jerry was found relatively quickly and rushed to the local trauma center.

After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, Jerry was released from the hospital with fragments of the bullets still in his body.

I saw Jerry about six months after the accident. When I asked him how he was, he replied, “If I were any better, I’d be twins. Wanna see my scars?”

I declined to see his wounds, but did ask him what had gone through his mind as the robbery took place. “The first thing that went through my mind was that I should have locked the back door,” Jerry replied. “Then, as I lay on the floor, I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live, or I could choose to die. I chose to live.”

“Weren’t you scared? Did you lose consciousness?” I asked.

Jerry continued, “The paramedics were great. They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the emergency room and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I read, ‘He’s a dead man.’ I knew I needed to take action.”

“What did you do?” I asked.

“Well, there was a big, burly nurse shouting questions at me,” said Jerry. “She asked if I was allergic to anything. ‘Yes,’ I replied. The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply. I took a deep breath and yelled, ‘Bullets!’ Over their laughter, I told them, ‘I am choosing to live. Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead.'”

Jerry lived thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude. I learned from him that every day we have the choice to live fully. Attitude, after all, is everything.

~~~

“You’ve done it before and you can do it now. See the positive possibilities. Redirect the substantial energy of your frustration and turn it into positive, effective, unstoppable determination.”

Ralph Marston

~~~

A policeman recently stopped a woman for exceeding the posted speed limit.  He asked the driver her name and where she was from.

She said, “I’m Mrs. Gladiolas Abdulkhashim Zybkcicraznovskaya from the Republic of Uzbekistan visiting my daughter in Tallahassee.”

The cop put away his summons book and pen, and said,  …”Well… OK… but don’t let me catch you speeding again.”

~~~

I planted some birdseed.    A bird came up.    Now I don’t know what to feed it.

~~~

Abe Spitzberg meets David Rosenbaum in the little back alley where they park their cars out of sight so that they can be seen to be walking to the Synagogue. “Hallo David, I am so pleased to see you! It’s my parents’ Golden wedding anniversary next week and I would like you come to the party.”

“That’s nice, Abe. Thank you, yes, I will come.”

“Maybe you have some friends you can bring mit you, yes? It’s nice to have many people at a party!”

“Yes… I can bring Sammy Cohen, and also Itzy Schwartz.”

“Good, good! Only don’t forget to remind them to bring something gold.”

“Okay! I’ll tell them.”

So David Rosenbaum brought a goldfish, Sammy Cohen brought a jar of Gold Blend coffee and Itzy Schwartz brought Nat Goldstein.

~~~

Life is not a dress rehearsal. Quit practicing what you’re going to do, and just do it. In one bold stroke you can transform today.

Marilyn Grey

~~~

A fellow sees a job published on a building site which read:

“Handy man wanted – Apply within”

So he ambles inside and the following dialogue with the Site Manager takes place:

Manager: Can you drive a forklift?

Applicant: Nope

Manager: Can you lay brick?

Applicant: Nope

Manager: Can you do minor electrical work?

Applicant: Nope

Manager: Can you finish drywall?

Applicant: Uh, Nope

Manager: Have you done any plumbing?

Applicant: Hmmnn… Nope

Manager: So, what’s handy about you, buddy?

Applicant: I only live ’bout 7 minutes up the road.

~~~

No matter what obstacles may come your way, stay focused, stay positive and you WILL overcome them.

Rashida Rowe

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

 

Thanks for making a difference

Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does.

William James

 Make a Difference

As time has gone by and some of my abilities have diminished I wonder if what I can do is enough. As an example my recent health problems and doctors’ orders have kept me from some of my favorite activities with my Kiwanis Club, a club dedicated to the service of others. As I have refocused my activities there I wonder if I am doing enough. It is the same with some of my other traditional activities where I have had to reduce my involvement or withdraw completely. So the question has evolved from is it enough to what can I do in the same spirit that is within my ever improving capabilities. And sure enough while I may not be able to do some of the things I use to do I have found plenty of things I can do. And you know what it may be different but as long as I do what I can do it is enough.

Here is a story by an unknown author that I may have shared with you before but I like it so much I want to make sure you had a chance to enjoy it as I do.

 

Making a Difference

One day a man was walking along the seashore. He noticed that during the night many seashells and starfish had washed up on the shore. Thoroughly enjoying the morning sun and cool sea air, the man strolled for miles along the sand.

Far off in the distance, he saw a small figure dancing. The man was joyous that someone was celebrating life in such a grand and uninhibited manner. As he drew closer, however, it became apparent that the figure was not dancing, but repeatedly performing some act.

Approaching the small figure, the man noticed that it was a child. The girl was methodically picking up starfish from the shore and tossing them back into the surf. The man paused for a moment, puzzled, then asked, “Why are you throwing those starfish back into the ocean?”

“If I leave these starfish on the beach,” she replied, “the sun will dry them, and they will die. I am throwing them back into the ocean because I want them to live.”

The man was thoughtful for a moment, impressed with the child’s thoughtfulness. Then he motioned up and down the miles and miles of beach and said, “There must be millions of starfish along here! How can you possibly expect to make a difference?”

The young girl pondered the man’s words for a moment, then she slowly leaned over, reached down, and carefully picked up another starfish from the sand. With a gentle effort, she lobbed the starfish back out into the surf.

She turned to the man and smiled. “You may be right,” she said, “but I made a difference for that one!”

~~~

I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And I will not let what I cannot do interfere with what I can do.

Edward Everett Hale

~~~

She said, my husband is wonderful with our baby daughter, but often he turns to me for advice.  Recently, I was in the shower when he poked his head in to ask, “What should I feed Lily for lunch?”

“That’s up to you,” I replied.  “There’s all kinds of food. Why don’t you pretend I’m not at home?”

A few minutes later, my cell phone rang.  I answered it to hear my husband asking, “Yeah, hi, Honey.  Uh..what should I feed Lily for lunch?”

~~~

People don’t injure their eyesight by looking at the bright side of things!!

~~~

Saul Epstein Was Taking An Oral Exam Applying For His Citizenship Papers.

He Was Asked To Spell “Cultivate”

He Spelled It Correctly.

He Was Then Asked To Use The Word In A Sentence.

He Brightened Up And Said, “Last Vinter On A Very Cold Day, I Vas Vaiting For A Bus, But It Vas Too Cultivate, So I Took The Subvay Home.”

~~~

The trouble with staying at home is you never find out just how good it is to get back.

~~~

Two guys were at a bar talking about how highly their wives thought of them.

The first guy said, “My wife, she thinks so much of me that she won’t let me do any work around the house. It’s incredible.”

The second guy says, “That’s nothing.  My wife thinks I’m God.”

“She thinks you’re God?  What makes you say that?”

“Easy. Every night she places a burnt offering before me.”

~~~

Do people in Australia call the rest of the world “up over”?

~~~

One night a teenage girl brought her new boyfriend home to meet her parents, and they were appalled by his appearance: leather jacket, motorcycle boots, tattoos and pierced nose. Later, the parents pulled their daughter aside and confessed their concern. “Dear,” said the mother diplomatically, “he doesn’t seem very nice.”

“Mom,” replied the daughter, “if he wasn’t nice, why would he be doing 5000 hours of community service?”

~~~

I went to a restaurant that serves -breakfast at any time. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

Steven Wright

~~~

A man has to take a business trip overseas so he entrusts his best friend with the job of keeping an eye on his wife. If anything out of the ordinary should occur, his friend was to notify him immediately.

After about a week with no contact, the businessman received an e-mail containing only one sentence.

“The man who comes to visit your wife every night didn’t show up yesterday.”

~~~

“Do more than belong: participate. Do more than care: help. Do more than believe: practice. Do more than be fair: be kind. Do more than forgive: forget. Do more than dream: work.”

William Arthur Ward

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

 

Happy Mayday

The world’s favorite season is the spring. All things seem possible in May.

Edwin Way Teale

 maypole

 

I just have a few random thoughts to share today and then I am going to plagiarize myself and extract some Mayday thoughts from a past Daily.

I think it is time to change advertising blurbs and remove anything that says “It is so easy a child can do it.” We all know they can and if it is truly easy they should say “It is so easy an old guy can do it.” I just assembled my new electric smoker and I am sure someone younger could have done it faster.

~~~

Today I am attending my second weekly wellness class where I will weigh in and report on everything I ate or drank over the past week as well as how much exercise I have done in the same period. Thankfully they suggested I use the application myfitnesspal which I added to my smart phone, my desktop computer, my Kindle Fire and my Samsung tablet. It follows me everywhere and tracks everything without it I am not sure I would be able to keep up.

~~~

We have picked up a number of new subscribers and Ray’s Daily followers over the last few weeks, many from outside my country. To one and all I want you to know I am glad we have connected. I do appreciate everyone, especially those I hear from once in a while.

~~~

Mayday thoughts from 2007

I don’t think there are any May poles left any more to provide us the excuse for song and dance in celebration of spring, but there should be. I sometimes think that our lives have become so complicated that we no longer have time for the pure pleasure of simply enjoying each other and that which is around us. Where I live there are flowers in bloom, trees in blossom and the sweet smell of spring in the air. The only thing that is missing are the children outside in play and adults leisurely basking in the warmth that has been offered us to share. At least you and I can enjoy it together; I just wish it was not limited to our imagination and that we could do it in person.

I guess it was not much different in 2002 since this is what I wrote in the daily on May Day.

Today is May Day, one of the oldest holidays on the calendar.

The ancient Romans celebrated it with a festival of thanksgiving to the flower goddess, Flora – they scattered flower petals in the streets. I tried that and got arrested for littering. The Celts built bonfires to ward off evil spirits. Tried that too, got arrested for illegal burning.

In medieval England, whole villages would turn out to go “a-maying,” paying homage to their local May Queen, and dancing around a maypole. I was going to try that but none of my wife’s dresses fit me.

~~~

Old age is like everything else. To make a success of it, you’ve got to start young.

Fred Astaire

~~~

Dentist: “Try to relax. I’ll pull that aching tooth in five minutes.”

Patient: “How much will this cost?”

Dentist: “It’ll be $100.”

Patient: “That much for just five minutes work?”

Dentist: “Well if you prefer, I can pull it out very slowly.”

~~~

The cardiologist’s diet: if it tastes good, spit it out.

~~~

Feeling Stressed?

Picture yourself near a stream …Birds are chirping softly in the crisp, cool mountain air … Nothing can bother you here … No one knows this secret place … You are in total seclusion from that place called The World … The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity … The water is clear … You can easily make out the face of the person whose head you’re holding under the water …

There now … Feeling better?

~~~

Don’t cry because it’s over: smile because it happened.

~~~

A man and a little boy entered a barbershop together. After the man received the full treatment – shave, manicure, haircut,etc. – he placed the boy in the chair.

“I’m goin’ to buy a  tie to wear to the party,” he said.

“I’ll be backin a few minutes.”

When the boy’s haircut was done and the man still hadn’t returned, the barber said, “It looks like your daddy forgot all about you.”

“That wasn’t my daddy,” said the boy. “He just walked up, took me by the hand and said, ‘Come on, son, we’re gonna get a free haircut!'”

~~~

We may pass violets looking for roses. We may pass contentment looking for victory.

Bern Williams

~~~

She said: After directory assistance gave me my boyfriend’s new telephone number, I dialed him — and got a woman. “Is Mike there?” I asked confused.

“Umm, he’s in the shower,” she responded.

“Would you please tell him his girlfriend called,” I said and immediately hung up. When he didn’t return the call, I angrily dialled again. This time a man answered. “This is Mike,” he said.

“Like Hell you are!” I exclaimed. “You’re not my boyfriend!”

“Lady, I know that,” he replied. “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell my wife for the past half-hour.”

~~~

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled thru snow.

~~~

Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.

Customer: “You’ve got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print a document, but the computer won’t boot properly.”

Tech Support: “What does it say?”

Customer: “Something about an error and non-system disk.”

Tech Support: “Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?”

Customer: “No, but there’s a sticker saying there’s an Intel inside.”

~~~

The only way to have a friend is to be one.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

 

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