Ray's musings and humor

Ray is with the vampires!

"It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help." 

Judith Martin




My week continues to be dominated by visits to health facilities, this morning I had a blood draw and I will have another tomorrow morning as part of the do it yourself preop procedures leading up to next weeks hospital adventure. The blood tests are to determine my Lovenox shot requirements before my Cardiac Catheter exam on Tuesday.

As many of you know I have been somewhat out of circulation recently due to all that is going on. However I did attend my Kiwanis Club meeting yesterday morning and was surprised when they presented me with the clubs Kiwanian of the Year award. While I was grateful for the honor I felt others were more deserving, I wish I could have done more. I find that service club membership provides life enrichment through the friends you make, the services you render and the things you learn that you would miss otherwise. Allowing me to participate is the big reward and recognition is the unneeded icing on the cake.


I hope you will understand that I have another appointment and I will be off in a few minutes so I am again dipping into reprints. I promise that after I get repaired I’ll do a better job.



Ray’s Daily first published September 25, 2001

It was on this day in 1789 that the U.S. Congress led by James Madison, approved 12 amendments to the Constitution. Ten of these amendments, which were ratified by the states in 1791, are known as the Bill of Rights. As we take the steps needed to protect our citizens from attack by terrorists we will need to balance our actions with the constitution that has served us so well in the past.


Melinda tells us:

The man whispered, "God, speak to me"

And a meadowlark sang.

But the man did not hear.


So the man yelled "God, speak to me"

And the thunder & lightning rolled across the sky.

But the man did not listen.


The man looked around and said, "God, let me see you." And a star shined brightly.

But the man did not see.


And, the man shouted, "God, show me a miracle" And a life was born.

But the man did not notice.


So, the man cried out in despair, "Touch me, God, and let me know you are here"

Whereupon, God reached down and touched the man.

But the man brushed the butterfly away and walked on.


I found this to be a great reminder that God is always around us in the little and simple things that we take for granted. .even in our electronic age . . . so I would like to add one more:


The man cried "God, I need your help" . . . and an e-mail arrived reaching out with good news and encouragement.

But the man deleted it and continued crying…..


The good news is that you are loved. Don’t miss out on a blessing because it isn’t packaged the way that you expect.


It’s as easy as 3.14159265358979323846264338327950…


A man went to the doctor complaining of insomnia. The doctor gave him a thorough examination, found absolutely nothing physically wrong with him, and then told him, "Listen, if you ever expect to cure your insomnia, you just have to stop taking your troubles to bed with you."

"I know" said the man, "but I can’t. My wife refuses to sleep alone."


An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true.


An Irishman, a Mexican and a blonde guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch I’m going to jump off this building."

The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again!  If I get burritos one more time I’m going to jump off, too."

The blonde opened his lunch and said, "Bologna again.  If I get bologna one more time I’m going to jump off, too."

The next day the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned and cabbage and jumped to his death.  The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito and jumped too. The blonde opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.

At the funeral the Irishman’s wife was weeping.  She said, "If I’d known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage I never would have given it to him again!"  The Mexican’s wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn’t realize he hated Burritos so much." Everyone turned and stared at the blonde’s wife.

"Hey, don’t look at me," she said, "He makes his own lunch."


Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.


Have you noticed, I am a nutritional overachiever.


There were two buddies, one with a Doberman Pinscher and the other with a Chihuahua. The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says to his friend, "Let’s go over to that restaurant and get something to eat."

The guy with the Chihuahua says, "We can’t go in there. We’ve got dogs with us."

The buddy with the Doberman Pinscher says, "Just follow my lead."

They walk over to the restaurant, the guy with the Doberman Pinscher puts on a pair of dark glasses and he starts to walk in. The bouncer at the door says, "Sorry, mac, no pets allowed."

The man with the Doberman Pinscher says, "You don’t understand. This is my seeing-eye-dog."

The bouncer says, "A Doberman Pinscher?"

He answers, "Yes, they’re using them now; they’re very good and protect me from robbers, too."

The man at the door says, "Come on in."

The buddy with the Chihuahua figures, "What the heck," so he puts on a pair of dark glasses and starts to walk in.

Once again the bouncer says, "Sorry, pal, no pets allowed."

The guy with the Chihuahua says, "You don’t understand. This is my seeing-eye dog."

The bouncer at the door says, "A Chihuahua?"

The man with the Chihuahua says, "A Chihuahua?????? They gave me a Chihuahua?!"


Love is grand. Divorce is a hundred grand.


A couple of hunters are out in the woods in the deep south when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, and his eyes are rolled back in his head.

The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"

The operator, in a calm and soothing voice, says, "Alright, take it easy. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead."

There is silence, and then a gun shot is heard.

The hunter comes back on the line. "OK. Now what??"


If you are a terror to many, then beware of many.



Stay well, do good work, and have fun.


Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.


This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 1500 readers from all over the world.

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