Ray's Daily

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”

Lewis B. Smedes

Smedes quote is one of the biggest keys to happiness. I know far too many people who seldom forgive and hold grudges for year after year. I have a close friend that has never forgiven a slight made over thirty years ago. The price being paid is that a possible great friend has been lost for life. Who gets hurt? The one who holds on to anger and hate is the one that is hurt. Show me a happy person and I’ll show you someone who puts the past behind them and sees the freedom that provides for them to enjoy life.

Sure there are those who make us uncomfortable. There are even people who we might never like. The truth is all we have do is let them be who they are and move on to the people who we not only like but those that like us in return. I forgive all those who trespass and even love some of them as I have gotten to know them. So my friends if there is something that you have done and I don’t know about, I forgive you so go out and have some fun,

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“Do everything. Love as much as you can. it may hurt but it helps us grow. Give all you have…you may be poor but you will be content. Always forgive….your heart can not afford not to. Teach what you know and learn what you don’t. Stay open to all”

Author Unknown

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I think I told you the other day that I just got hearing aids. The thing I don’t understand is why all my friends waited until I got them before the stopped mumbling.

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A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counseling came up. "Oh, we’ll never need that. My husband and I have a great relationship," the wife explained. "He was a communications major in college and I majored in theater arts. He communicates real well and I just act like I’m listening."

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"There is only one pretty child in the world, And every mother has it."

~~  Traditional Proverb  ~~

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A vacationer e-mailed a seaside hotel to ask its location.

"It’s only a stone’s throw away from the beach," he was told.

"But how will I recognize it?" asked the man.

The reply was, "It’s the one with all the broken windows."

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Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?

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During training exercises, the lieutenant who was driving down a muddy back road encountered another car stuck in the mud with a red-faced colonel at the wheel. "Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant as he pulled alongside

"Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys, "Yours is."

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I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labour for 36 hours. I don’t even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.

Rita Rudner-

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A man was annoyed when his wife told him that a car had backed into her, damaging a fender, and that she hadn’t gotten the license number. 

"What kind of car was he driving?" the husband asked.

"I don’t know," she said.  "I never can tell one car from another."

At that, the man decided the time had come for a learning course, and so for the next few days, whenever they were driving, he made her name each car they passed until he was satisfied that she could recognize every make.

It worked.  About a week later she bounded in with a pleased expression on her face. "Darling," she said with obvious pride, "I just hit a brand new Buick!"

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"It is time to start living the life you’ve imagined."

Henry James

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"Each evening bird lover Tom stood in his backyard, hooting like an owl – and one night, an owl called back to him.  For a year, the man and his feathered friend hooted back and forth.  He even kept a log of the "conversation."  Just as he thought he was on the verge of a breakthrough in interspecies communication, his wife had a chat with her next door neighbor.

"My husband spends his nights … calling out to owls," she said.

"That’s odd," the neighbor replied.  "So does my husband."

Then it dawned on them.

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"A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin."

H.L. Mencken

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One night Gwen found her husband standing over their newborn baby’s crib. Silently she watched him. As stood looking down at the sleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture of emotions: disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment, and skepticism.Touched by this unusual display and the deep emotions it aroused, with eyes glistening she slipped her arms around her husband.

"A penny for your thoughts." she whispered in his ear.

"It’s amazing!" Randy replied. "I just can’t see how anybody can make a crib that nice for only $46.50!"

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"When people ask me if I have any spare change, I tell them I have it at home in my spare wallet."

Nick Arnette

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Mrs. Applebee, the 6th grade teacher, posed the following problem to one of her classes:

"A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest to charity. Now, what does each get?"

After a very long silence in the classroom, Little Johnny raised his hand.

The teacher called on Little Johnny for his answer.

With complete sincerity in his voice, Little Johnny answered, "A lawyer!"

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"When the going gets tough, the tough get going. Then when they’re gone, I can catch up on my nap."

     Tom Sims

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While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den.

"What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked.

"That is the talking clock", the man replied.

"How’s it work?" the friend asked.

"Watch", the man said, then proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer.

Suddenly someone screamed from the other side of the wall, "KNOCK IT OFF, YOU JERK! It’s two AM!"

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Confusion not only reigns, it pours.

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A man entered a stationery store and asked the clerk for a birthday/anniversary card.

The clerk replied, "We have birthday cards and we have anniversary cards. Why not take one of each?"

The man said, "You don’t understand. I need a card that covers BOTH events! You see, we’re celebrating the fifth anniversary of my wife’s thirty-fourth birthday…"

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