Ray's musings and humor

All that stands between the graduate and the top of the ladder is the ladder.


I went to one of my grandson’s high school graduation the other night. The ceremony was really well done. It was at a major theatre, all the teachers were in their academic gowns sitting in rows behind the podium and presentation area. The retiring President of the school, it is a Catholic high school, made a moving closing speech. One of the things he said really hit home with me, he referenced the teachers sitting behind him and said we might see Mrs. Johnson. Mr. More and the like but he saw the minds of Mendelssohn, Einstein, Aristotle and the ideas that have lingered over the centuries.


What he said struck me as what immortality is all about. It is our words and actions that linger on well after we have gone. We may not be referenced in any classroom but we can be remembered for our kindness, caring, and love of others. I hope that my grandson, his brother, and his cousins will think of me with fondness after I am gone and that they will let their children know that their family did care.


Memorial Day here in the US in the US was only three days after the graduation. Our Memorial Day is a time when those who have died in war are remembered. I could not help but wonder how many Beethoven’s, Plato’s, and other great contributors we have lost because of early death in war. It hurts me to know that in our country many of our children must die in order to be given the title of hero. Over the years there have been great heroes who fought out of patriotism and commitment to a just cause. Sadly though, I think that too many of our sons have been lost because they were at a place not of their choosing. So many of our young people have joined the service because they cannot afford college, have no other place to go, or have lost their way. We end up paying them big bonuses to fight our war while we sit back and make no sacrifices. Is this much different than those of old who were hired as mercenaries? I don’t care about your politics or what you think of the wars being fought today, I just hope that you feel the pain that comes from the death of each of these innocents. They may never have become famous but they might have become a grandparent who could take pride in the graduation of a grandchild and then live on in their memories.


The future lies before you

Like a field of driven snow,

Be careful how you tread it,

For every step will show.

~Author Unknown



1. When in the express lane, make sure that all items are rung up and bagged before you start looking for your checkbook. Then, after you make a futile search for your pen, borrow one from the clerk and make sure your checkbook is balanced before giving up the check.  

2. Never get into the 10-Items-or-Less line with less than 12 items. IT’S THE LAW!!!  

3. When in the 10-Items-or-Less line and you have your 12 to 20 items, always ask the clerk if it’s okay. That way, if he says "yes," then the people behind you will get mad at HIM, not you. If he says "no," then YOU can get mad at him. Either way, you win!  

4. Save all your pennies and dump them in the bottom of your purse so that when you are in the express lane you won’t be embarrassed by spending all that time looking for one and not finding any.  

5. When asked if you want paper or plastic, take all the time you need to make the right decision. Don’t be rushed. Get it right. If you’re not sure just say, "BAG." That way they will have to ask you again, giving you more time to decide. You may want to practice this at home in case you are ever asked this question at a grocery store.  

6. Always, and I repeat, ALWAYS tell the checker your reason for choosing paper or plastic. Checkers by nature are very curious and if you should fail to give them your reason for choosing paper over plastic, the clerk is liable to lie awake at night wondering why you didn’t choose plastic.  

7. Always keep this in mind: If something is heavy and you don’t want to lift it out of the basket and put it on the belt. Don’t fret whether the checker will automatically know the price. After all, everyone knows how smart those clerks are.  

8. Since everyone knows how ignorant those clerks are, you must always remember to tell them to not put the eggs and bread in the bottom of the bag.  

9. Feel free to ask your clerk anything you may want to know. All checkers are experts on how to prepare whatever meal you should decide to make that night. They can give you precise directions to anywhere in the state you might want to go. They can tell you the best restaurant around, the kind of wine you will like best or anything else you may need to know about life.  

10. Don’t forget rule NO. 8  

11. After waiting in the checkout line for several minutes and it’s finally your turn at the counter, be sure to tell the clerk that more help is needed. He will certainly ensure that there is plenty of help next time.  

12. When the clerk greets you and asks how you’re doing, don’t feel pressured into answering him. After all the clerk has to be polite– but you don’t have to.  

13. When the store is not busy and there is only one checkstand with a light on, be sure to ask the nearest clerk which check stand is open. You don’t want to take a chance being tricked into the wrong one.  

14. If the clerk asks you if you know the price of an item and you don’t, tell him it’s "2-something" or "3-something." The clerks love that because they don’t get to use their SOMETHING keys very often.  


It isn’t how much time you spend somewhere that makes it memorable;

It’s how you spend the time.

David Brenner


A man is in court. The Judge says, "on the 3rd August you are accused of killing your wife by beating her to death with a hammer, how do you plead?"

"Guilty", said the man in the dock.

At this point a man at the back of the court stood up and shouted "You dirty rat!" The Judge asked the man to site down and to refrain from making any noise.

The Judge continued "….. and that also on the 17th September you are accused of killing your son by beating him to death with a hammer, how do you plead"?

"Guilty", said the man in the dock.

Again the same man at the back stood up and shouted even louder, "You dirty rotten stinking rat"!!

At this point the Judge called the man to the bench and said, "I have already asked you to be quiet, if you continue with these outbursts, I will have to charge you with contempt of court. I can understand your feelings, but what relationship have you to this man?"

He replied "He is my next door neighbor".

The Judge replied, "I can understand your feelings then, but you must refrain from any comments".

The man replied "NO, your Honor, you don’t understand. Twice I have asked if I could borrow a hammer, and BOTH TIMES he said he didn’t have one"!!!


Half the people in the world are below average.


"So," Jane asked the detective she had hired. "Did you tail my husband?"

"Yes ma’am. I did. I followed him to a bar, to an out-of-the-way restaurant and then to an apartment."

A big smile crossed Jane’s face. "Aha! I’ve got him!" she said gloating. "Is there any doubt what he was doing?"

"No ma’am." replied the sleuth, "It’s pretty clear that he was following you."


On some flights the only thing airlines are letting you take on are a passport and cash.

The passport, of course, for identification and the cash, so they can sell you a bottle of water for $20.


In a completely rational society, the best of us would aspire to be teachers and the rest of us would have to settle for something less, because passing civilization along from one generation to the next ought to be the highest honor and the highest responsibility anyone could have.  

Lee Iacocca



 Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world

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