Ray's musings and humor

It’s May Day

The world’s favorite season is the spring.

All things seem possible in May.

Edwin Way Teale

 

I don’t think there are any May poles left any more to provide us the excuse for song and dance in celebration of spring, but there should be. I sometimes think that our lives have become so complicated that we no longer have time for the pure pleasure of simply enjoying each other and that which is around us. Where I live there are flowers in bloom, trees in blossom and the sweet smell of spring in the air. The only thing that is missing are the children outside in play and adults leisurely basking in the warmth that has been offered us to share. At least you and I can enjoy it together; I just wish it was not limited to our imagination and that we could do it in person.

~~~

Now is the month of Maying,

When merry lads are playing.

Fa la la…

Each with his bonny lass,

upon the greeny grass.

Fa la la…

The Spring clad all in gladness,

Doth laugh at winter’s sadness.

Fa la la…

Thomas Morley

~~~

I guess it was not much different in 2002 since this is what I wrote in the daily on May Day.

Today is May Day, one of the oldest holidays on the calendar.

 

The ancient Romans celebrated it with a festival of thanksgiving to the flower goddess, Flora – they scattered flower petals in the streets. I tried that and got arrested for littering.

 

The Celts built bonfires to ward off evil spirits. Tried that too, got arrested for illegal burning.

 

In medieval England, whole villages would turn out to go "a-maying," paying homage to their local May Queen, and dancing around a maypole. I was going to try that but none of my wife’s dresses fit me.

~~~

Old age is like everything else. To make a success of it, you’ve got to start young.

Fred Astaire

~~~

Dentist: "Try to relax. I’ll pull that aching tooth in five minutes."

Patient: "How much will this cost?"

Dentist: "It’ll be $100."

Patient: "That much for just five minutes work?"

Dentist: "Well if you prefer, I can pull it out very slowly."

~~~

The cardiologist’s diet: if it tastes good, spit it out.

~~~

Feeling Stressed?

Picture yourself near a stream …Birds are chirping softly in the crisp, cool mountain air … Nothing can bother you here … No one knows this secret place … You are in total seclusion from that place called The World … The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity … The water is clear … You can easily make out the face of the person whose head you’re holding under the water …

There now … Feeling better?

~~~

Don’t cry because it’s over: smile because it happened.

~~~

A man and a little boy entered a barbershop together.

After the man received the full treatment – shave, manicure, haircut,etc. – he placed the boy in the chair.

"I’m goin’ to buy a  tie to wear to the party," he said.

"I’ll be backin a few minutes."

When the boy’s haircut was done and the man still hadn’t returned, the barber said, "It looks like your daddy forgot all about you." "That wasn’t my daddy," said the boy. "He just walked up, took me by the hand and said, ‘Come on, son, we’re gonna get a free haircut!’"

~~~

“I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six months later you have to start all over again.”

Joan Rivers

~~~

Two men sank into adjacent train seats after a long day in the city.

One asked the other, "Your son go back to college yet"?

"Two days ago."

"Hmm. Mine’s a senior this year, so it’s almost over. In May, he’ll be an engineer."

"What’s your boy going to be when he gets out of college"?

"At the rate he’s going, I’d say he’ll be about thirty."

"No, I mean what’s he taking in college"?

"He’s taking every penny I make."

"Doesn’t he burn the midnight oil enough"?

"He doesn’t get in early enough to burn the midnight oil."

"Well, has sending him to college done anything at all"?

"Sure has! It’s totally cured his mother of bragging about him!"

~~~

We may pass violets looking for roses.

We may pass contentment looking for victory.

Bern Williams

~~~

She said: After directory assistance gave me my boyfriend’s new telephone number, I dialed him — and got a woman.

"Is Mike there?" I asked confused.

"Umm, he’s in the shower," she responded.

"Would you please tell him his girlfriend called," I said and immediately hung up.

When he didn’t return the call, I angrily dialled again. This time a man answered. "This is Mike," he said.

"Like Hell you are!" I exclaimed. "You’re not my boyfriend!"

"Lady, I know that," he replied. "That’s what I’ve been trying to tell my wife for the past half-hour."

~~~

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled thru snow.

~~~

Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.

Customer: "You’ve got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print a document, but the computer won’t boot properly."

Tech Support: "What does it say?"

Customer: "Something about an error and non-system disk."

Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"

Customer: "No, but there’s a sticker saying there’s an Intel inside."

~~~

The only way to have a friend is to be one.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world.

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