Ray's musings and humor

Oh no! It’s back.

“May you always have walls for the winds, a roof for the rain, tea beside the fire, laughter to cheer you, those you love near you and all your heart might desire.”

Irish Blessing

 

 

As I reported the other day spring sprung here in Indianapolis very early this year with temperatures in the eighties and flowers and bushes blooming everywhere. Well obviously I angered winter because he is back with a vengeance as we are now experiencing high winds and sub-freezing weather. I am trying to find a plant psychologist as our flora is going to need a lot of counseling, that is they will if they survive. I know it will be beautiful here in a week or so as I will be on my way to Europe then.

 

Today is loaded with opportunity for service for me with little time to think so I will again dip into the daily archives and reprint a blast from the past.

~~~

April 4, 2003

 

It will be a working weekend for many of us in Indianapolis this weekend as we attend a gathering of UNICEF, US Committee for UNICEF, and Kiwanis leaders to develop a program that will make a difference in the health and welfare of millions of kids in the years ahead. I know I have told you before how fortunate I am for having a chance to participate in something as significant as our work to eliminate the world’s leading preventable cause of mental retardation, iodine deficiency disorders (IDD).

 

We have been told each $1 million we contribute to country projects results in protecting millions of people from IDD. I heard the other day that some of the smart bombs being used in the current war cost about $1 million each. It really brings home to me how much we could do if we could eliminate global conflict. Just think $1 million could help millions of kids or could be used to buy a bomb that destroys one building or kills a handful of the enemy.

 

For those of you that have helped us in the past, I thank you. Together we may not be able to raise enough money to buy a bomb or two, but we can raise enough to change the world forever as we protect children from death and disability.

~~~

The truly generous is the truly wise, and he who loves not others, lives unblest.

~ Henry Home ~

~~~

God, grant me the Senility

To forget the people

I never liked anyway,

The good fortune

To run into the ones I do,

And the eyesight

To tell the difference.

~~~

"Learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t live long enough to make them all yourself."

~~~

She said:

Mid-life is when you go to the doctor and you realize you are now so old, you have to pay someone to look at you naked.

The good news about mid-life is that the glass is still half-full…of course, the bad news is that it won’t be long before your teeth are floating in it.

Mid-life women no longer have upper arms, we have wingspans…we are no longer women in sleeveless shirts, we are flying squirrels in drag.

Mid-life has hit you when you stand naked in front of a mirror and can see your rear end without turning around.

Mid-life brings the wisdom that life throws you curves…and that you’re now sitting on your biggest ones.

Mid-life is when you want to grab every firm young lovely in a tube top and scream, "Listen, honey, even the Roman Empire fell, and those things will too!

Mid-life is when you start to repeat yourself…and your chins follow suit.

You become more reflective in mid-life.  You start pondering the "big" questions — what is life, why am I here…how much Healthy Choice ice cream can I eat before it’s no longer a healthy choice?

~~~

I’m planning to retire and live off my savings. What I’ll do the second day, I have no idea.

~~~

"Zen Judaism"

Accept misfortune as a blessing. Do not wish for perfect health or a life without problems. What would you talk about?

Let go of pride, ego, and opinions. Admit your errors and forgive those of others. Relinquishment will lead to calm and healing in your relationships. If that doesn’t work, try small-claims court.

The Torah says, "Love they neighbor as thyself." The Buddha says there is no "self." So maybe you’re off the hook.

There is no escaping karma. In a previous life, you never called, you never wrote, you never visited. And whose fault was that?

Though only your skin, sinews, and bones remain, though your blood and flesh dry up and wither away, yet shall you meditate and not stir until you have attained full Enlightenment. But first, a little nosh.

Be here now. Be someplace else later. Is that so complicated?

If there is no self, whose arthritis is this?

Wherever you go, there you are. Your luggage is another story.

~~~

A baby-sitter is a teenager acting like an adult while the adults are out acting like teenagers.

~~~

An Arkansas State trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-40 and says to the driver, "Got any ID?" The driver says, "’Bout what?"

~~~

You’re not a kid anymore when …

The only reason you’re awake at 4 a.m. is indigestion.

You are proud of your lawnmower.

8 a.m. is your idea of "sleeping in."

People call you at 8 p.m. and ask: "Did I wake you?"

Your high school diploma is the color of buttermilk.

Nobody ever tells you to slow down.

You have a party and the neighbors don’t even realize it.

~~~

"Live so that you wouldn’t mind selling your pet parrot to the town gossip."

Will Rogers

~~~

An absent-minded husband thought he had conquered his problem of trying to remember his wife’s birthday and their anniversary.

He opened an account with a florist, provided that florist with the dates and instructions to send flowers to his wife on these dates along with an appropriate note signed,

"Your loving husband."

His wife was thrilled by this new display of attention and all went well until next year, on their anniversary, when he came home, kissed his wife and said off-handedly,

"Nice flowers, honey. Where’d you get them?"

~~~

Man is the only animal that laughs and weeps; for he is the only animal that is struck with the difference between what things are and what they might have been.

William Hazlitt

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana, USA

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://360.yahoo.com/raykiwsp currently there are about 1000 readers from all over the world.

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