March 19, 2021
Even the worst days have an ending, and the best days have a beginning.
I hope you have as good a day as I will. I decided a long time ago not to waste time agonizing over my past woes. There just enough time in each day to waste some of it by shedding tears over what has already gone by. Starting each day with a clean slate provides us the opportunity to fill it with the good things we appreciate as the day passes.
I think the following poem is right on, I hope you will too
I have shut the door on yesterday,
Its sorrows and mistakes.
I have locked within its gloomy walls
Past failures and mistakes.
And now I throw the key away,
And seek another room.
And furnish it with hope and smiles,
And every spring-time bloom.
No thought shall enter this abode
That has a taint of pain.
And envy, malice, and distrust
Shall never entrance gain.
I have shut the door on yesterday
And thrown the key away.
Tomorrow holds no fear for me,
Since I have found today.
I have learned over the years that the nicest thing I can do is to just say to myself, Good Morning Darling, I love you; we’re going to have a really great day today.
As a member in good standing of the Society of Childlike Grownups, you are hereby entitled to:
Feel SCARED and sad and mad and Happy,
Give up worry, guilt and shame,
Ask lots of questions,
Ride a bicycle,
Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn’t have said.
A US Border Patrol Agent catches an illegal alien in the bushes right by the border fence, he pulls him out and says, “Sorry, you know the law, you’ve got to go back across the border right now.”
The Mexican man pleads with them, “No, noooo Senior, I must stay in de USA! Pleeeze!”
The Border Patrol Agent thinks to himself–I’m going to make it hard for him–and says, “Ok, I’ll let you stay if you can use three English words in a sentence.”
The Mexican man of course agrees.
The Border Patrol Agent tells him, “The three words are: Green, Pink and Yellow. Now use them in one sentence.”
The Mexican man thinks really hard for about two minutes, then says, “Hmmm, Ok. The phone, it went Green, Green, Green–I Pink it up, and sez Yellow?”
If at first you don’t succeed, see if the loser gets anything.
Herbert A Millington
Chair – Search Committee
College Hill, MA 34109
Dear Professor Millington,
Thank you for your letter of March 16. After careful consideration, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me an assistant professor position in your department.
This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.
Despite Whitson’s outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at this time. Therefore, I will assume the position of assistant professor in your department this August. I look forward to seeing you then.
Best of luck in rejecting future applicants.
Chris L. Jensen
The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don’t know what you’re doing, someone else does.
A very tight man was looking for a gift for a friend. Everything was too expensive except for a glass vase that had been broken, which he could purchase for almost nothing. He asked the store to send it, hoping his friend would think it has been broken in transit. In due time, he received an acknowledgement. “Thanks for the vase,” it read. “It was so thoughtful of you to wrap each piece separately.”
Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed though life trying to save.
The manager of a large office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into his
office. “What is your name?” was the first thing the manager asked the new guy.
“John,” the new guy replied.
The manager scowled, “Look, I don’t know what kind of a namby-pamby place you worked at before, but I don’t call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my employees by their last name only – Smith, Jones, Baker – that’s all. I am to be referred to only as Mr. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?”
The new guy sighed and said, “Darling. My name is John Darling.”
“Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you is…”
A day is a day. It’s just a measurement of time. Whether it’s a good day or a bad day is up to you. It’s all a matter of perception.
Donald L. Hicks
Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.
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