October 1, 2020
“Sometimes it’s the smallest decisions that can change your life forever.”
Many years ago I was somewhat overwhelmed by all the things I was doing, trying to do and wanted to do. I it was a time when I trying to bring some balance into to my life. I had just read an article in a eastern periodical that taught me to not examine my life in whole but rather in parts. In the process of doing that I discovered that much of my frustration was coming from taking on too many tasks while not allowing myself the time to finish very many. I reaximaned them all and set some priorities while getting rid of those that realy were not that important.
The result was my realizing how important caring for others is to our well being. I paid more attention to the folks I met along the way. I also was fortuanate enough to find ways to make some of them happier. These are challenging times but I am glad I learned years ago to not waste time on what I cannot change, freeing myself to concentrate on whatever good I can find.
Which one will win?
An elder Cherokee Native American was teaching his grandchildren about life.
He said to them, ‘A fight is going on inside me . . . it is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One wolf represents fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego. The other stands for joy, peace, love, hope, sharing, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, friendship, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. This same fight is going on inside you, and inside every other person, too.’
They thought about it for a minute and then one child asked his grandfather, ‘Which wolf will win?’
The old Cherokee simply replied . . . ‘The one you feed.’
“I think that there is something beautiful about mortality. It makes our decisions mean more.”
Sally took Benny to a celebratory dinner at a really posh restaurant. They walked in, were ushered to a table by a formally dressed maitre d’, and sat down at a table on which were displayed the finest china and crystal.
Taking the damask napkin from the solid silver napkin ring, Benny unfolded it, put it around his neck and proceeded to tie a knot in the back.
Staring at him, the maitre d’ said, between gritted teeth, “Sir, will you be having a shave or a haircut?”
“A new poll shows that 54% of women said they would rather have a perfect body than a genius IQ. I guess with a genius IQ, they can do whatever they want. With a perfect body, you can get somebody else to do whatever you want.”
The priest was preparing a man for his long day’s journey into night. Whispering firmly, the priest said, “Denounce the devil! Let him know how little you think of his evil!”
The dying man said nothing. The priest repeated his order. Still the dying man said nothing. The priest asked, “Why do you refuse to denounce the devil and his evil?”
The dying man said, “Until I know where I’m heading, I don’t think I ought to aggravate anybody.”
Lovka’s Dilemma – You never get away, you only get someplace else.
There was this couple, Mary and John, who believed they would return in another life.
They got married and, as part of their wedding vows, promised that if one died, the other would attend a seance exactly four weeks later and contact the other.
Twenty happy years later, the man dies, and the woman, Mary, sticks to her vow and visits a seance four weeks later. It went something like this:
Mary: “Is there anybody there? I’m seeking my deceased husband John. Is he there?”
Strange, booming voice: “Mary? Is that you, Mary?”
Mary: “Yes John, is that you?”
John: “Yes, it’s me.”
Mary: “How are things where you are, John? What’s it like?”
John: “Great, Mary. Everyday after breakfast we make love until lunchtime, which lasts about half-hour, then we make love until dinner. After dinner, we make love until we fall asleep. It’s great. I can’t wait until you get here.”
Mary (shocked): “Is that what Heaven’s like?”
John: “I’m not in Heaven.”
Mary (fearing the worst): “Then where are you?”
John: “I’m a rabbit in Florida!”
A couple is lying in bed. The man says, “I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world.” The woman says, “I’ll miss you.”
It appears to affect those who were born prior to 1960
1. Causes you to send the same e-mail twice.
2. Causes you to send a blank e-mail
3. Causes you to send e-mail to the wrong person.
4. Causes you to send it back to the person who sent it to you.
5. Causes you to forget to attach the attchment.
6. Causes you to hit “SEND” before you’ve finished.
7. Causes you to hit “DELETE” instead of “SEND”
8. Causes you to hit “SEND” when you should “DELETE.”
IT’S CALLED THE “C-NILE VIRUS.”
A good lawyer knows the law; a great lawyer knows the judge.
A witness was testifying before the court, and the prosecuting attorney was asking him questions.
“You witnessed the robbery, sir?”
“What was stolen?”
“Did you see the thieves?”
“Could you identify them?”
“Are the two men who stole the televisions in this courtroom?”
At this point, the two defendants raised their hands.
A Recently Spotted Bumper Sticker:
“Born OK the first time”
While I was attending a Law course, the ‘Audi alteram parten’ rule was explained to us. Translated it means “To hear the other party” After discussing the subject at great length, the lecturer asked if anyone didn’t understand the rule.
Responded one man “My Wife”
“I just got one of those new devices that make my cell phone “hands free.” Now I can get back to eating and drinking when I drive!”
The tourist was admiring the Indian’s necklace.
“What is it made of?” she asked.
“Alligator’s teeth,” the Indian replied.
“I suppose,” she said patronizingly, “that they mean as much to you as pearls do to us.”
“Oh, no,” he objected. “Anybody can open an oyster.”
“I believe that we are solely responsible for our choices, and we have to accept the consequences of every deed, word, and thought throughout our lifetime.”
Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.
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