Ray's musings and humor

There is more to life than increasing its speed.

Mohandas K. Gandhi

It has been great to get out this past week, I have been full of reasonable pep up to almost 10 AM and then I hear the siren song of my bed calling me home to nap. Unfortunately this has resulted in my missing one afternoon meeting as I never woke up to attend on Wednesday and then yesterday I had to cancel my participation in an important board meeting due to a combination of fatigue and temporary brain power loss. I have more tests and evaluations scheduled over the next three weeks I am depending on the process getting me back to where I was not that long ago. If that doesn’t work I am going to have to try to convince my wife to quit putting sleeping potion into my food.

One thing I have found over the last month or so is just how effective my relaxation techniques really are. I have even become so proficient in my ability to instantly relax (snooze), I can now sit, recline or lay down knowing that my relaxation skills will almost immediately take me to dreamland. I have been surprised to find how many of you hang out there; but don’t worry I promise I will never tell anyone about how you have behaved while there.

Of course my goal now is to relax less, exercise more and fulfill my obligations. For those of you who are not as prone to instant relaxation as I am I thought you might be interested in these helpful tips. I don’t know who wrote them but they sound good to me.

  • Take a Warm Bath − Soaking in a tub full of warm water can work wonders when you’re feeling stressed. The warm water relaxes you physically, loosening tight, stiff muscles. And, as a result, you relax mentally as well.
  • Read a Good Book − One of the best ways to deal with a stressful situation, especially if the stress is caused by something you have no control over, is to not think about it. And one of the easiest ways to get your mind off things that are bothering you is to read a good book.
  • Listen to Some Music − It’s a proven fact that soothing music can be relaxing. The type of music you choose is entirely up to you. Buy a CD or cassette featuring soft, modern ballads, gentle classics, smooth jazz, or New Age music. When you feel stressed, pop the music into the player and let the music carry you away.
  • Take a Deep Breath Something as simple as taking a couple of deep breaths can work wonders. So, the next time you feel stressed, take a few slow, deep breaths. And, if you can, add a full body stretch. Stretching and yawning are also relaxing.
  • Try Visualization − The next time you are feeling stressed, take a moment to close your eyes and imagine that you are somewhere more relaxing, like on a beach. Imagine that you can feel the cool breeze against your skin, and hear the ocean waves.
  • Spend Time Outdoors − Sunlight and fresh air have remarkable abilities to heal our spirit. Often something just as simple as taking a short walk around the block can help reset our priorities.

~~~

If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there’d be a shortage of fishing poles.

Doug Larson

~~~

A man called the undertaker one afternoon and sobbed, “This is Mr. Magillicutty. I need you to bury my wife.”

“Mr. Magillicutty? Sidney Magillicutty?”

“Yes, that’s right.”

“Didn’t I bury your wife 10 years ago?” the undertaker asked.

“I got married again,” the man sobbed.

“Oh,” replied the undertaker. “Congratulations.”

~~~

A man ninety years old was asked to what he attributed his longevity. I reckon, he said, with a twinkle in his eye, it because most nights I went to bed and slept when I should have sat up and worried.

Dorothea Kent

~~~

The little boy greeted his grandmother with a hug and said, “I’m so happy to see you, Grandma. Now maybe Daddy will do the trick he has been promising us.”

The grandmother was curious. “What trick is that, dear?” she asked.

The little boy replied, “I heard Daddy tell Mommy that he would climb the walls if you came to visit us again!”

~~~

“It is better to ask some of the questions than to know all the answers.”

James Thurber

~~~

An elderly man was driving down the freeway, and the car phone rings. Answering, he found it was his son’s voice urgently warning, “I  just heard on the news that there’s a car going the wrong way on I-285.  Please! Be careful!”

“Hey!” said the senior citizen, “It’s not just one car. It’s hundreds of them!”

~~~

I couldn’t remember when I had been so disappointed. Except perhaps the time I found out that M&Ms really do melt in your hand…

Peter Oakley

~~~

The school of agriculture’s dean of admissions was interviewing a prospective student, “Why have you chosen this career?” he asked.

“I dream of making a million dollars in farming, like my father,” the student replied.

“Your father made a million dollars in farming?” echoed the dean much impressed.

“No,” replied the applicant. “But he always dreamed of it.”

~~~

“Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them so much.”

Oscar Wilde

~~~

A boy, who was a witness in court, was asked by a lawyer: “Did anyone tell you what to say in court?”

“Yes, sir.”

“I thought so! Who was it?”

“My father, sir.”

“And what did he tell you?”

“He said the lawyers would try to get me all tangled up, but if I stuck to the truth, I would be all right.”

~~~

“Statistics Means Never Having to Say you’re Certain”

~~~

Barbara said, I returned to my parents’ home to attend a funeral. At the funeral my mother led me to a man who looked vaguely familiar.  “Barbara, remember Rabbi Green?” she asked as she left me in his company.

I frantically tried to place him, and suddenly it came to me. He must be the kind man who, five years earlier, had officiated at my grandmother’s funeral. “It’s good to see you again, Rabbi,” I said. “Though I wish it weren’t always under such tragic circumstances.  “The rabbi looked perplexed but uttered some words of consolation before he was called away. A few minutes later, I rejoined my mother.

“Imagine,” she whispered, “after all this time, to run into the rabbi who performed your wedding!”

~~~

When we are unable to find tranquility within ourselves, it is useless to seek it elsewhere.

Francois de La Rochefoucauld

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@yahoo.com. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal and https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

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