Ray's musings and humor

"The world’s favorite season is the spring. All things seem possible in May."

Edwin Way Teale

 

 

 

Ah, tomorrow will be the first of May, one of my favorite months. I love the warm weather, the cool mornings, the flowers that abound and most of all I like all the smiling faces I see around me. Yep May is special, heck I am even old enough to remember the May Poles of Days gone by. Since tomorrow is May Day and I thought I would get a jump on other things that make the month special and check on the role that my fellow citizens and me are asked to play during the month. So here we go, May is:

Better Hearing and Speech Month – I will have to really work at this one because too much of the things I am hearing is hate speech and I’d rather not hear it.

Better Sleep Month – I don’t know if it can get any better at this but I’ll try, more naps coming up.

Borderline Personality Disorder Month – Avoid living on the border, be marginal where you are.

Creative Beginnings Month – I love this, permission to begin yet again and to do it creatively.

Get Caught Reading Month – I hope they don’t catch reading such things as …Oh well, I won’t go there.

Gifts from the Garden Month – This is my favorite, tomorrow morning I will be at one of my favorite Farmers Markets for their season opening.

International Victorious Woman Month – I don’t want to fight, you win, I give up.

Meditation Month – I need to think about this one.

National Family Month – Take time to talk to a family member, who knows you might meet someone you like.

National High Blood Pressure Month – In my case every day is Blood Pressure Day as I take my handful of blood pressure medications.

National Mental Health Month – The thing I like about this is that I can go crazy the rest of the year.

National Preservation Month and Older Americans Month – Do your part, preserve a senior.

National Share A Story month – Did I ever tell you the one about……maybe later, I am going out and enjoying the day, I hope you will too.

~~~

"A little Madness in the Spring

Is wholesome even for the King."

Emily Dickinson

~~~

Basic Flying Rules: Try to stay in the middle of the air. Do not go near the edges of it. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees, and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly there.

~~~

"I love the man that can smile in trouble, that can gather strength from distress, and grow brave by reflection."

Thomas Paine

~~~

Mary Louise Gilman, the venerable editor of the National Shorthand Reporter has collected many of the more hilarious courtroom bloopers in two books – Humor in the Court (1977) and More Humor in the Court. From Mrs. Gilman’s two volumes, here are a couple of my favorite transcripts, all recorded by America’s keepers of the word:

 

Q. Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York?

A. I refuse to answer that question.

Q. Did you ever stay all night with this man in Chicago?

A. I refuse to answer that question.

Q. Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami?

A. No.

 

Q. What is your name?

A. Ernestine McDowell.

Q. And what is your marital status?

A. Fair.

~~~

For every minute you are angry with someone, you lose 60 seconds of happiness that you can never get back.

~~~

A man called his neighbor to help him move a couch that had become stuck in the doorway. They got on either end of the couch and struggled until they were exhausted, but the couch wouldn’t budge.

"Forget it," the man finally gasped. "We’ll never get this in."

A frustrated voice came from the other side of the couch: "In?"

~~~

In ordinary life we hardly realize that we receive a great deal more than we give, and that it is only with gratitude that life becomes rich.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer

~~~

A deputy police officer responded to a report of a barroom disturbance. The "disturbance" turned out to be well over six feet tall and weighed almost 300 pounds. What’s more, he boasted that he could whip the deputy and Muhammad Ali too.

Said the policeman, "I’ll bet that you’re also an escape artist-probably better than Houdini."

The giant nodded.

"If I had some chains," the deputy continued, "you could show us how strong you really are. But all I’ve got is a set of handcuffs. Why don’t you see just how quickly you can break out of them?"

Once in the cuffs, the man puffed, pulled and jerked for four minutes. "I can’t get out of these," the giant growled.

"Are you sure?" the deputy asked. The fellow tried again. "Nope," he replied. "I can’t do it."

"In that case," said the deputy, "you’re under arrest."

~~~

The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow.

~~~

A widower who never paid any attention to his wife while she was alive now found himself missing her desperately. He went to a psychic to see if he could contact his late wife.

The psychic went into a trance. A strange breeze wafted through the darkened room, and suddenly, the man heard the unmistakable voice of his dearly departed wife.

"Honey!" he cried. "Is that you?"

"Yes, my husband."

"Are you happy?"

"Yes, my husband."

"Happier than you were with me?"

"Yes, my husband…much happier ! "

"Then Heaven must be an amazing place!"

"I’m not in Heaven, dear."

~~~

"Earth teach me to forget myself as melted snow forgets its life.

Earth teach me resignation as the leaves which die in the fall.

Earth teach me courage as the tree which stands all alone.

Earth teach me regeneration as the seed which rises in the spring. "

William Alexander

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

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