Ray's musings and humor

Learn to enjoy life

Ray’s Daily

April 12, 2019

https://rays-daily.com/

Plenty of people miss their share of happiness, not because they never found it, but because they didn’t stop to enjoy it.

William Feather

Be yourself

I have a full day today starting with an early meeting so here we go again a Daily from long ago.

Ray’s Daily first published on April 13, 2005

A friend and I were discussing someone who seems to be searching for happiness and never finding it. She seems so concerned about her job, relationships and playing the roles expected of her that she has little time to become herself. I don’t know why so many of us live with unhappiness or live dull, regimented lives, never experiencing the joys that are there for us to find. What is really sad is when we miss happiness because we did not recognize it when we saw it, or we did not take the time to enjoy itwhen we had the opportunity.

Here are a few investments we can make that can help make happiness easier to find.

  1. Free your heart from hatred
  2. Free your mind from worries
  3. Live simply
  4. Give more
  5. Expect less

I know for many of us committing ourselves to the above is not easy, but I suggest that taking a few minutes each day to think about them can provide real results. Maybe the question we need to ask ourselves is, “do things really have to be this way?” The answer is often they do not, and once we know that we can unload a little each day. If we do I think we will find things a little brighter, life more enjoyable, and joy more frequent.

~~~

Even if happiness forgets you a little bit, never completely forget about it.

Jacques Prévert

~~~

Alice was to bake a cake for the church ladies’ group bake sale, but she forgot to do it until the last minute.  She baked an angel food cake and when she took it from the oven, the center had dropped flat.

She said, “Oh dear, there’s no time to bake another cake.” So, she looked around the house for something to build up the center of the cake. Alice found it in the bathroom …  a roll of toilet paper.  She plunked it in and covered it with icing.

The finished product looked beautiful, so she rushed it to the church.

Before she left the house, Alice had given her daughter some money and specific instructions to be at the bake sale the minute it opened, and to buy that cake and bring it home. When the daughter arrived at the sale, the attractive cake had already been sold. Alice was beside herself.

The next day, Alice was invited to a friend’s home where two tables of bridge were to be played that afternoon.  After the game, a fancy lunch was served, and to top it off, the cake in question was presented for dessert. Alice saw the cake, she started to get out of her chair to rush into the kitchen to tell her hostess all about it, but before she could get to her feet, one of the other ladies said, “What a beautiful cake!” Alice sat back in her chair when she heard the hostess (who was a prominent church member) say …”Thank you, I baked it myself.”

~~~

Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom.

Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power.

Lao Tzu

~~~

A Methodist minister meets three Baptist deacons on the golf course and invites them to come to his church some Sunday.  Not too many weeks thereafter and just as services are starting, they show up.

Attendance was good in the small Methodist church and there wasn’t a pew available.  Several church members were already seated on folding chairs. When the minister, just starting the service, saw the three Baptist deacons enter, he leaned down from the pulpit and whispered to the nearest usher, “Please get three chairs for my Baptist friends in the back.”

The usher, hard of hearing, leaned closer and said, “I beg your pardon?”

“Get three chairs for my Baptist friends,” repeated the minister. The usher strained closer with a puzzled look still on his face.

Once more the minister tried, speaking slowly and distinctly. “Three chairs. For the Baptists,” he enunciated.

The usher’s face lit up in comprehension, and he turned to face the congregation. “All right, everybody,” he called out to the assembled worshipers. “Three cheers for the Baptists!”

~~~

Now is no time to think of what you do not have. Think of what you can do with what there is.

Ernest Hemingway

~~~

A stockbroker was cold calling about a penny stock and found a taker. “I think this one will really move,” said the broker. “It’s only $1 a share.”

“Buy me 1,000 shares,” said the client.

The next day the stock was at $2. The client called the broker and said, “You were right. Give me 5,000 more shares.”

The next day the client looked in the paper and the stock was at $4.

The client ran to the phone and called the broker, “Get me 10,000 more shares.”

“Great!” said the broker.

The next day the client looked in the paper and the stock was at $9.

Seeing what a great profit he had in just a few days, the client ran to the phone and told the broker, “Sell all my shares!”

The broker asked, “To who? You were the only one buying that stock.”

~~~

“My mother always told me I wouldn’t amount to anything because I procrastinate. I said, ‘Just wait.'”

Judy Tenuta

~~~

Jill and Nina went to lecture on positive thinking.  After the lecture was done, Nina said to Jill, “You know, I learned a lot from this.  From now on, I am going to accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative. From now on, I am going to use the word IS instead of the word NOT.”

“You’re right Nina.  I am going to quit making negative statements too.

I am going to speak positively from now on as well”, Jill said.

“Really Jill, like what?” asked Nina.

“Well,” Jill says, “I used to always say that my husband was not fit to live with the hogs.  Now I am going to say he IS fit to live with them.”

~~~

The influence of each human being on others in this life is a kind of immortality.

John Quincy Adams

~~~

She said, now that they are retired, my mother and father are discussing all aspects of their future. “What will you do if I die before you do?” Dad asked Mom. After some thought, she said that she’d probably look for a house sharing situation with three other single or widowed women who might be a little younger than herself, since she is so active for her age. Then Mom asked Dad, “What will you do if I die first?” He replied, “Probably the same thing.”

~~~

After being advised by a store front investment counselor to invest my few measly savings in CD’s, does anyone know of a good music store that sells them cheap?

~~~

After joining the Navy, a guy undergoes a physical. During the exam, it was discovered that, due to a bum shoulder, he couldn’t fully extend his arms above his head. Perplexed, the doctor conferred with another physician.

“Let him pass,” said the second doctor. “I don’t see any problems, unless he has to surrender.”

~~~

Often people attempt to live their lives backwards; they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want, so they will be happier.  The way it actually works is the reverse.  You must first be who you really are, then do what you need to do, in order to have what you want.

Margaret Young

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

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Sixty-six good years

Ray’s Daily

April 11, 2019

https://rays-daily.com/

There is no more lovely, friendly and charming relationship, communion or company than a good marriage.

Martin Luther

Wedding Pic 2

On this day sixty-six years ago my wife and I got married in the Norte Dame Chapel at Columbia University. I was 18 and in the Navy, Nancy was 20 and employed at the Chase Bank in Manhattan. We had met on a blind date the previous year. I was going to school at a Navy base in Maryland, I was there for almost a year and went to New York City most weekends. When I visited I stayed with friends in Greenwich Village. Nancy and I spent our time exploring Manhattan and enjoying what it had to offer.

When I got out of the service we set up our residence in Chicago where our two daughters and our son was born. I was away on business sometimes for months at a time while my wonderful wife raised our children,

My career took us to Minnesota in 1967 and then to Indianapolis in 1969. We were asked by my employers to move away for a promotion but we chose to stay and raise our family. Indianapolis has provided us a great life. Our family has grown, we now have seven wonderful grandchildren and two greatgrandchildren.

We have had a good life enhanced by our many friends and a pleasant community. The years have treated us well and now as we spend our days together in our now senior living home we have never been closer. I am grateful for her tolerance and understanding and to my sailor friend who asked me to go on a blind date where I found my life mate.

More Time, More Love

 

Our sixty-sixth anniversary, Love,

Brings feelings of delight,

Thoughts of pleasure that you give me

Every day and every night.

 

I’m grateful for each day and hour;

I thank the Lord above

For giving me the precious gift:

Of your deep, enduring love.

 

As our lives go on and on,

One thing is always true:

To the very end, I’ll always wish

For more time, more love with you.

 

By Joanna Fuchs

~~~

“When we get to the end of our lives together, the house we had, the cars we drove, the things we possessed won’t matter. What will matter, is that I had you, and you had me.”

~~~

A lady was taking her time browsing through everything at a yard sale and said to the hostess, “My husband is going to be very angry when he finds out I stopped at a yard sale.”

“I’m sure he’ll understand when you tell him about all the bargains,” the hostess replied.

“Normally, yes,” the lady said.  “But he just broke his leg, and he’s waiting for me to take him to the hospital to have it set.”

~~~

As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband gets home from work, then hey, I’ve done my job.

Roseanne Barr

~~~

“If you’ll make the toast and pour the juice, sweetheart,” said the newlywed bride, “breakfast will be ready.”

“Good, what are we having for breakfast,” said the new husband.

“Toast and juice,” she replied.

~~~

No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

~~~

The generation gap quickly became apparent when I tried to discuss marriage with my daughter, who is very career oriented.  “A husband might not tolerate your ambition forever,” I pointed out.  “He might become concerned about how such total dedication to a job could fit into a successful relationship.”  “You don’t understand, Dad,” my daughter countered.   “It’s going to be a merger, not a takeover.”

~~~

God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

~~~

A man and woman had been married for sixty years. They kept no secrets from each other except a shoebox the woman had in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask about.

However, one day the woman got sick and the doctor said she would not recover. The man got the shoebox and took it to his wife’s bedside. She agreed it was time he should know what was in the box.

When he opened it, he found two crocheted doilies and a stack of money totaling $25,000.

She said, “When we were to be married, my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you I should just keep quiet and crochet a doily.”

The old man was so moved he had to fight back tears. Only two doilies in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in sixty years. He almost burst with happiness.

“Honey,” he said, “that explains the doilies, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?”

Oh,” she said, “that’s the money I made from selling doilies.”

~~~

“Love grows more tremendously full, swift, poignant, as the years multiply.”

Zane Grey

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

Spread Kindness

Ray’s Daily

April 10, 2019

https://rays-daily.com/

“Wherever there is a human being, there is an opportunity for a kindness.”

Lucius Annaeus Seneca

heart-kindness

The one attribute I appreciate the most in people is their inhearent kindness, It is especially welcome trait in our close knit community.

It is amazing how much good a helping hand does for both the helped and the helper, A friend the other day reminded me that we can’t help everyone but we can always be kind to someone.

I have excerpted some points from an article written by Elisha and Stephanie Goldstein that provides tips for those who want to practice more kindness,

Survival of the Kindest

Without compassion we wouldn’t survive. Yet it’s not always easy to bring compassion into daily life. Learn to strengthen your empathy muscle with these tips and insights.

  • See Beneath the Rough Exterior – When someone acts unpleasantly or is just generally difficult, it’s hard to feel compassion for them. But there’s almost always a reason for such behavior. If we can pause and try to recognize this, our heart can soften and create an opening for the possibility of greater connection and healing. Is there a “tough personality” in your life that you can try to see in a different light?
  • Create Ripple Effects – Turns out, kindness and generosity are contagious.
  • One Thing a Day – Look around and notice who in your life is having a difficult time and could use some support. Begin the practice of doing one thing each day for someone else.
  • Try Understanding – So often our disconnection from one another stems from a lack of understanding. Yet striving to understand where a person is coming from naturally elicits feelings of compassion and connection.
  • Practice Gratitude – Most of us have been the recipient of kind and compassionate gestures at some point in our lives—an introduction that led to a new job; a compliment or kind word at just the right moment; an unexpected gift. Take a few moments to recall one of these experiences and see if you can tap into the gratitude you felt at the time, and maybe still do.
  • Be Kind to Yourself – The next time you’re having a difficult moment, see if you can offer yourself some kindness. You might be surprised at how much it helps—and helps you to feel kinder toward others.
  • Celebrate Imperfection – One of the most corrosive sources of self-criticism comes from believing we need to be “perfect.” If you make a mistake or aren’t perfect at something, lift your arms and yell “Hooray” or “Woo-hoo!” Taking a more playful approach to life is a great act of self-compassion, as it trains your brain to let go, learn from mistakes, and, simply, to begin again.

~~~

“Do things for people not because of who they are or what they do in return, but because of who you are.”

Harold S. Kushner

~~~

She said

“Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it’s our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something with which you’d like to have dinner with.”

He said:

“Women are like fine wine. They all start out fresh, fruity and intoxicating to the mind and then turn full-bodied with age until they go all sour and vinegary and give you a headache.”

~~~

Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity.

~~~

The kid said:

My young brother asked me what happens after we die. I told him we get buried under a bunch of dirt and worms eat our bodies. I guess I should have told him the truth–that most of us go to Hell and burn eternally–but I didn’t want to upset him.  –Age 10

~~~

“I don’t have to attend every argument I’m invited to.”

~~~

After she woke up, a woman told her husband, “I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine’s day. What do you think it means?”

“You’ll know on Valentine’s Day.” he said.

On Valentine’s Day, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it – to find a book entitled….

“The Meaning Of Dreams.”

~~~

I don’t want to express an opinion … I have friends in both places.

Mark Twain (asked what he thought about the existence of heaven or hell.

~~~

A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.

After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, “What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you’re out of the office?”

“I give it to them,” replied the lawyer, “and then I send them a bill.”

The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try. The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills. When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.

~~~

I have learned that if you upset your wife she nags you. If you upset her even more you get the silent treatment. Don’t you think it’s worth the extra effort?

~~~

The businessman dragged himself home and barely made it to his chair before he dropped, exhausted.

His sympathetic wife was right there with a tall cool drink and a comforting word.

“My, you look tired,” she said.  “You must have had a hard day today. What happened to make you so exhausted?”

“It was terrible,” her husband said, “The computer broke down and all of us had to do our own thinking.”

~~~

“Kindness is a passport that opens doors and fashions friends. It softens hearts and molds relationships that can last lifetimes.”

Joseph B. Wirthlin

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

Life’s Lessons

Ray’s Daily

April 9, 2019

https://rays-daily.com/

Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced.

Soren Kierkegaard

Life

One of the tough realities of living in a community made up of older folks is seeing how mortal we all are. We had another esident pass away recently, a man I liked. Our community is large enough that there is hardly a week that goes by that we don’t lose one of our neighbors.

Sure there is remorse as we lose friends but we also learn to appreciate those still with us. I now let people know that I value them and there friendship whenever I can realizing that I may got get the chance later.

We are always learning life’s lessons and they help is to behave better than we might have done without them. A number of years ago Omer B. Washington put together a list of things he learned. I want to share a few from his list with you today

I’ve learned-that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.

I’ve learned-that no matter how good a friend is, they’re going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I’ve learned-that it’s not what you have in your life but who you have in your life that counts.

I’ve learned-that you should never ruin an apology with an excuse.

I’ve learned-that you shouldn’t compare yourself to the best others can do.

I’ve learned-that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I’ve learned-that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I’ve learned-that either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I’ve learned-that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I’ve learned-that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you’ve had and what you’ve learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you’ve celebrated.

I’ve learned-that your family won’t always be there for you. It may seem funny, but people you aren’t related to can take care of you and love you and teach you to trust people again. Families aren’t biological.

I’ve learned-that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I’ve learned-that a rich person is not the one who has the most, but is one who needs the least.

I’ve learned-that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

~~~

Mistakes are a part of being human. Appreciate your mistakes for what they are: precious life lessons that can only be learned the hard way.

Al Franken

~~~

Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.

The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, “Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.”

To which the gentleman said, “Oh, I haven’t told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I’ve changed my will three times!”

~~~

Anyone can sympathize with the sufferings of a friend, but it requires a very fine nature to sympathize with a friend’s success.

Oscar Wilde

~~~

We had just finished eating a beautiful dinner that my mother had prepared for our family. As I glanced up at the chandelier over the table, I was mesmerized by the creative handiwork a spider had woven around the prisms and light bulbs.

“Don’t look up there!” my mother screamed. “It’s the one thing I was too tired to clean!”

“Don’t look where?” my brother asked.

“There!” my mother pointed. “It’s my own personal web sight!”

~~~

Just pray for a tough hide and a tender heart.

Ruth Graham

~~~

Mrs. Jones called the doctor’s office and was met with this response by the secretary, “This is Dr. Whitman’s office. What would you like to talk about?”

Mrs. Jones was disturbed by this response and replied sarcastically, “I want to order a hamburger with fries. For goodness sakes, why would I call a doctor if I didn’t feel sick? I’m very sick. I need to see the doctor.”

“Fine,” replied the secretary. “I can make an appointment for you. Let me see. Ah, yes, I have an appointment one week from next Friday.”

“Great,” said Mrs. Jones. “I’ll have my mortician drop me off then!”

~~~

When the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, it may be that they take better care of it there.

Cecil Selig

~~~

According to my mother, she and my dad decided to start a family soon after he became an officer in the Air Force. When months went by without success, they consulted the base physician, who chose to examine my mom right then and there.

“Please disrobe,” he told her.

“With him in the room?” she yelled, pointing to my father.

Turning to my dad, the doctor said, “Captain, I think I found the problem.”

~~~

Insanity is making the same mistakes over and over and thinking you are going to get different results.

~~~

The husband didn’t want to play in the “Couples Alternate Shot Tournament” at the club, but he reluctantly agreed just for the sake of martial harmony. He got the first shot. He teed off, a par four, and fired a drive 300 yard down the middle of the fairway. When they reached the ball, he said to his wife (a novice golfer), “Just hit it towards the green, hon, anywhere around there will be fine.”

She proceeded to knock the ball deep into the woods.

Undaunted, he said, “That’s ok, dear, we’ll play it.” He spent five full minutes looking for the ball. He played it for the shot of his life and actually put the ball just two feet from the hole on the green. Arriving on the green he said, “Now, dear, all you have to do is knock it gently into the hole.” She whacked it a good one, right off the green and into a sand trap. The husband, still retaining his composure, marched into the sand trap, summoned all of his skill, and amazingly holed the shot from there.

Retrieving the ball from the hole he put his arm around his wife and calmly said, “Honey, that was a bogey — one over par — but that’s ok. I think we can do better on the next hole.”

She snapped back at him, “Don’t bitch at ME. Only *2* of those *5* shots were mine!”

~~~

Things turn out best for those who make the best of the way things turn out.

Jack Buck

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

Simplify

Ray’s Daily

April 8, 2019

https://rays-daily.com/

“Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.”

Confucius

simplify

One of the things I have learned over the years that life is complicated enough without letting things we can’t control bother us. When we keep things as simple as we can we make things easier to deal with. I find this is especially important to understand as I get older.We are better off when we put our past battles behind us and spend little time worrying what tomorrow will bring. It is OK to listen to the critics it is just not OK to let them convince us to be someone we are not.

So my friends if you want to be happy clear the decks of worry and anxiety and enjoy every day. Here are excerpts from an article written by Marc Chernoff that can help

Let’s make things simple again. Here are three ways to do just that:

  1. Change your focus. – The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts. The mind is indeed your battleground. It’s the place where the greatest conflict resides. It’s where half of the things you thought were going to happen, never did happen. But if you allow these thoughts to dwell in your mind, they will succeed in robbing you of peace, joy, and ultimately your life. You can’t change anything if you can’t change your thinking… A beautiful day always begins with a beautiful mindset.
  2. Fight today’s battles ONLY. – No matter what’s happening, anyone can efficiently fight the battles of just one day. It’s only when you add the battles of those two abysmal eternities, yesterday and tomorrow, that life gets overwhelmingly complicated.
  3. Respectfully care less. – Today, I challenge you to make this your lifelong, daily motto: “I respectfully do not care.” Say it to anyone who passes judgment on something you strongly believe in or something that makes you who you are. People will inevitable judge you at some point anyway, and that’s OK. You may not be able control all the things people say and do to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.

~~~

“The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook.”

William James

~~~

From The Original Hollywood Squares T.V. Show.

These are from the days when game show responses were spontaneous and not scripted like they are now.

Q: If you’re going to make a parachute jump, you should be at least how high?

A: Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

Q: True or false…a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.

A: George Gobel: Boy it sure seems that way sometimes…

Q: You’ve been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?

A: Don Knotts: That’s what’s been keeping me awake.

Q: According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think he’s really attractive, is it okay to come out directly and ask him if he’s married?

A: Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.

Q: Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?

A: Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

Q: What are “Do It”, “I Can Help” and “Can’t Get Enough”?

A: George Gobel: I don’t know but it’s coming from the next apartment.

Q: Charley, you’ve just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during your first year?

A: Charley Weaver: Of course not, Peter. I’m too busy growing strawberries!

Q: It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics. What is the other?

A: Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

Q: Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?

A: Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

Q: When you pat a dog on its head he will usually wag his tail. What will a goose do?

A: Paul Lynde: Make him bark.

Q: According to Ann Landers, is their anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?

A: Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army!

Q: While visiting China, your tour guide starts shouting “Poo! Poo! Poo!” What does that mean?

A: George Goebel: Cattle crossing.

Q: Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?

A: Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

Q: When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for it’s sex?

A: Charley Weaver: I’ll lend him the car. The rest is up to him.

Q: Do female frogs croak?

A: Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

Q: Imagine you are a child in your mother’s womb, can you detect light?

A: Paul Lynde: Only during ballet practice.

~~~

“Let us be a little humble; let us think that the truth may not perhaps be entirely with us.”

Jawaharlal Nehru

~~~

I sat there waiting for my doctor’s partner to make her way through the file that contained my very extensive medical history. After she finished all 17 pages, she looked at me and said, “You look better in person than you do on paper.”

~~~

There are no more hours in a bad day than in a good one!

~~~

Even though I was an engineering student, chemistry was a required course in my day. The Professor, on the first day of class, asked everyone to name the most outstanding contribution chemistry had made to society. When my turn came, I answered, “Blondes!”

~~~

You can stand tall without standing on someone. You can be a victor without having victims.

Harriet Woods

~~~

My nursing colleague was preparing an intravenous line for a 15-year-old male patient. The bedside phone rang, and the boy’s mother reached over to pick it up. After talking for a few minutes, the mother held the phone aside and said, “Your father wants to know if you have any cute nurses.” The boy gazed at the nurse, who had the needle poised above his arm, ready for insertion. “Tell him,” he replied, “they’re absolutely gorgeous.”

~~~

“Reduce the complexity of life by eliminating the needless wants of life, and the labors of life reduce themselves.”

Edwin Way Teale

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

Be Happy

Ray’s Daily

ASptil 5, 2019

https://rays-daily.com/

The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.

Mark Twain,

Happiness

I really like the happy people I know. Their upbeat behavior is infectious. I find that these are folks that really like others. One thing they have in common is their helping others. I wonder sometimes if some of their happiness comes from doing something for others or if their helpfulness is because the are so upbeat. In any case I am glad they do what they do.

Henrik Edberg wrote an article on the secrets of happiness, here is an excerpt from the article that I especially like.

Help someone else find happiness

This is certainly one of the most popular ideas about happiness. And it might sound cliched and empty. But it works very well. When you make someone else happy by, for example, helping them with something – you can sense, see, feel and hear it. And that happy feeling flows back to you. And then, if you’d like, you can boost you own ego by thinking something like: “Wow, I really made him/her happy!”.

And since the Law of Reciprocity is strong there is another upside. People will feel like giving back to you. Or they might feel like helping/sharing it with someone else. And so the two or more of you keep spreading the happiness.

~~~

If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.

Dalai Lama

~~~

True Tombstone Inscriptions

 

Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York:

Born 1903-Died 1942

Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the car was on the way down. It was.

 

On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia:

Here lies Ezekial Aikle, Age 102.

The Good Die Young.

 

In a Silver City, Nevada, cemetery:

Here lays The Kid.

We planted him raw.

He was quick on the trigger

But slow on the draw.

~~~

Everyone hates me because I’m paranoid.

~~~

Morris went to his lawyer and told him, “My neighbor owes me $500 and he doesn’t want to pay up.  What should I do?”

“Do you have any proof?” asked the lawyer.

“Nope,” Morris replied.

“Okay, then write him a nasty letter asking him for the $1000 he owes you,” said the lawyer.

“But it’s only $500,” Morris insisted.

“Precisely. That’s what he will reply and we will then have the proof we need to nail him.”

~~~

Why be difficult? Put some effort in and be impossible.

~~~

Two Cajun commercial fishermen, Boudreaux & Thibodeaux went out in the Gulf of Mexico fishing. They were gone a couple of months. On their return, they noticed a Taco Bell had been built while they were away.

Boudreaux turns to Thibodeaux and says, “Look at dat, we not gone no time and dem Mexicans done come over here & built a telephone company!”

~~~

A woman who dresses to kill probably cooks the same way.

~~~

The fourth-grade class was studying the development of the auto industry. The teacher had emphasized the role played by Henry Ford, whose assembly lines decreased production costs. At the end of the unit, she gave a test including the question: “What did Henry Ford invent that made buying a car more affordable?”

One of the brightest students in the class wrote: “0% financing.”

~~~

“I bequeath all my property to my wife on the condition that she remarry immediately. Then there will be at least one man to regret my death.”

Heinrich Heine

~~~

She said:

My husband, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods. We’ve discovered that when I’m in a good mood, it turns green. When I’m in a bad mood, it leaves a big red mark on his forehead.   Maybe next time he’ll buy me a diamond.

~~~

An optimist is the human personification of spring.

–  Susan J. Bissonette

~~~

A mother mouse was out for a stroll with her babies when she spotted a cat crouched behind a bush. She watched the cat, and the cat watched the mice.

Mother mouse barked fiercely, “Woof, woof, woof!” The cat was so terrified that it ran for it’s life.

Mother mouse turned to her babies and said, “Now, do you understand the value of a second language?”

~~~

I don’t think you can feel a sense of entitlement and still be happy. Happiness always comes from feeling that you’ve been blessed.

Robert Brault

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

A Super Gal

Ray’s Daily

April 4, 2019

 

“Think left and think right and think low and think high. Oh, the thinks you can think up if only you try”

Dr. Seuss

she did it

Today I thought I would share a favorite Spring Daily I published six years ago.

I had lunch with a new friend the other day who previously was just an acquaintance and a Ray’s Daily reader. While I knew she was a world traveler and that during the summer she sold corn grown on a family farm at one of my favorite farmer’s markets, I knew little else.

When we talked over lunch I discovered my new friend is really someone special. The on-the-surface glamorous job that has her flying all over the country with frequent trips outside the US was not really as important as what she has done for her family’s sweet corn business. I learned that years ago she started loading up her trunk with some of her dad’s fabulous sweet corn and selling it on the roadside in town. Soon folks wanted more and she answered the need by providing corn at more outlets.

To make a long story short my friend is the CEO of a company that sells Indiana’s favorite sweet corn at farmers markets around our state. Her family has become famous not only because of the consistent high quality of their corn but also through the many friends they have made who help harvest their corn each week, folks who help load numerous trucks with freshly picked corn that will be in the hands of the public in less than 24 hours  since being picked.

My friend has not only created a highly successful business, she has also created an Indiana legend. You see her “My Dad’s Corn” is not only served on the table of thousands of Hoosiers each week, it is also featured in Indiana restaurants where various chefs offer their version of “My Dad’s Corn Chowder.”

So now I have a friend who is a world traveler, a smart business woman, a creative copy writer and a farmer who always has a warm smile and glowing demeanor. Best of all she also has a good heart. I am lucky to know her.

~~~

Always do your best. What you plant now, you will harvest later.

Og Mandino

~~~

Salesman at the door:  Is your mother at home?

Little girl:  Yes.

Sales man:  May I talk to her?

Little girl:  She isn’t here.

Salesman:  But you just said, she was at home.

Little girl:  She is.  This isn’t our house.

~~~

“The Law of Motivation”

Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster.

~~~

FOR THOSE WITH KIDS IN SCHOOL.

Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your child’s school. In order to assist you in connecting to the right staff member, please listen to all options before making a selection:

To lie about why your child is absent, Press 1.

To make excuses for why your child did not do his/her work, Press 2.

To complain about what we do, Press 3.

To cuss out staff members, Press 4.

To ask why you did not get needed information that was already enclosed in your newsletter and several bulletins mailed to you, Press 5.

If you want us to raise your child, Press 6.

If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone, Press 7.

To request another teacher for the third time this year, Press 8.

To complain about bus transportation, Press 9.

To complain about school lunches, Press 0.

If you realize this is the real world and your child must be accountable/responsible for his/her own behavior, classwork, homework, and that it is not the teacher’s fault for your child’s lack of effort, please hang up and have a nice day!!

~~~

Mediocrity thrives on standardization.

~~~

Joseph Kennedy once entered the fashionable Gentlemen’s Shamrock Grille on Wall Street and joined a group of financiers. He beckoned to a waiter and ordered a double scotch.

“When Kennedy drinks,” he declared loudly, “everybody drinks!”

With a cheer, everyone at the table ordered scotch. Kennedy finished his drink, summoned the waiter, and slapped two dollars on the table. “When Kennedy pays,” he asserted, “everyone pays!”

~~~

People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.

~~~

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.

Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!

Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, “PULL OVER!”

“NO,” the blonde yelled back, “IT’S A SCARF!”

~~~

“The happiest people are those who discover that what they should be doing and what they are doing are the same thing.”

Unknown –

~~~

A middle aged man wasn’t feeling well, so he went to the doctor for a checkup.  After a thorough examination, the doctor said, “Well, based on my examination, the best thing for you is to cut out all sweets and fatty foods, give up alcohol, and stop smoking.”

The man said, “Well, to be honest with you Doc, I don’t deserve the best. What’s the second best?”

~~~

A job interviewer asked me where I wanted to be in five years. I said, “Ideally, suspended with pay.”

~~~

Billy Bob and LeRoy were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells LeRoy,”Ya know, I reckon I’m ’bout ready for a vacation. Only this year I’m gonna do it a bit different. The last few years, I took your advice about where to go. Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. went to Hawaii and Earline got pregnant.

Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Earline got pregnant again.

Last year, you suggested Tahiti – and darned if Earline didn’t get pregnant again!”

LeRoy asks Billy Bob, “So, what you gonna do this year that’s different?”

Billy Bob says, “This year, I’m taking Earline with me!”

~~~

Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities! Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful or happy.

Norman Vincent Peale

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

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