Ray's musings and humor

A Fresh Start

Ray’s Daily

July 19, 2021

http://rays-daily.com

“Don’t let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do.”

John R. Wooden

As I start a new week I am glad to leave behing a less than steller weekend. Mine included some physical discomfort, sleepleness. Missed meals and the blahs. I even realized I had double booked some activities for this week and was disappointed that I had to cancle a favored activity to keep a commitment to an old friend.

The good news is that I get a fresh start today and I plan on having a good week. If you want to join me you may like these tips that I extracted from the Uncustomary blog.

10 Tips To Have A Great Week

1. Don’t start the week stressed out! That’s where rituals come in. Morning and nighttime rituals are key. Even if you’re just devoting five minutes in the morning before you get out of bed and get ready to go to work, it makes a difference. It sets you up on the right foot and mindset for the day! Ideas for your rituals: meditation, positive affirmations, yoga, stretching, making a specific beverage mindfully, journaling, or simply open your arms wide and say, “I am grateful for this day“!

2. Plan your most important tasks out for every day this week on Sunday. Or at least every night for the next day ahead of time, so you know exactly what you need to get done. MITs (Most Important Tasks) need to come first! Prioritize those first every day.

3. Prep for the next day as much as you can the night before. That means picking out your outfit, doing laundry, making your lunch, packing your bag, writing your to do list, setting alarms, sending/scheduling reminder texts/e-mails, etc. Take the guesswork out of how you need to get ready the next day so you’re less stressed.

4. Take time to practice gratitude. Simply taking a moment every day to list three things you’re grateful for will begin to shift your perspective.

5. Adjust your attitude so you’re not “working for the weekend”. Obviously many of us have 40+ hour work weeks and many additional obligations that leave little “free time”, but how can you make sure you’re still making the most of your days? Don’t forget to actually take your lunch break!

6. Set one goal for yourself this week. Just because it’s a “regular” work week, doesn’t mean you can’t make stuff happen! The goal can be realistically achievable! You can set up a schedule to read X amount of pages every day so you read half a book this week, or take a walk outside three times this week, or hang out with a friend once this week, etc.

7. Do something for someone else or the world. It can be an act of kindness or making an eco-friendly decision. The act of giving will make you (and the recipient) feel good, so it’s a win-win, and the karma will come back to you!

8. Schedule “free time” and time for self-care! You can take a bathroom break, right? So you can take five minutes for self-care.

9. Try waking up earlier. I know, as a night owl, and a chronically non-morning person, this sounds hypocritical. But every time I end up waking up earlier than I normally do, I feel more productive and get more things done. And I’m so surprised by how much time I seem to have “leftover” in the day. Try just 15 minutes to start with and work with how you feel from there. Remember, 15 minutes added up every day for a five-day work week is an hour and 15 minutes. That’s a lot of opportunity for self-care and development!

10. Limit social media, screens, and technology. And while you’re at it, try to focus on one task at a time!

~~~

“Your Monday morning thoughts set the tone for your whole week. See yourself getting stronger, and living a fulfilling, happier & healthier life.”

Germany Kent

~~~

The veterinarian told the blonde that her dog needed some exercise. “You need to make sure this dog runs around,” the doctor said.

“Try playing a game of fetch with him.”

“I can’t play fetch with my dog,” the blonde said.

“Why not?” the doctor asked.

“Because,” she replied, “He can’t throw.”

~~~

A curious ad, placed in THE DAYTONA BEACH NEWS-JOURNAL:

“LOST:  Orange jacket, lavender shoes, & gray briefcase.  Please don’t ask! Reward!”

~~~

For a student whose name is Kathleen,

With a mind that’s not overly keen,

Graduation is sure,

As she’s hardly demure

And has often been seen with the Dean.

~~~

I am said to say that your disposal eats better than 70% of the world’s people.

~~~

After a particularly poor game of golf, a popular club member skipped the clubhouse and started to go home. As he was walking to the parking lot to get his car, a policeman stopped him and asked, “Did you tee off on the sixteenth hole about twenty minutes ago?”

“Yes,” the golfer responded.

“Did you happen to hook your ball so that it went over the trees and off the course?”

“Yes, I did. How did you know?” he asked.

“Well,” said the policeman very seriously, “Your ball flew out onto the highway and crashed through a driver’s windshield. The car went out of control, crashing into five other cars and a fire truck. The fire truck couldn’t make it to the fire, and the building burned down. So, what are you going to do about it?”

The golfer thought it over carefully and responded…

“I think I’ll close my stance a little bit, tighten my grip and lower my right thumb.”

~~~

Money doesn’t bring you happiness, but it enables you to look for it in more places.

~~~

My friend’s mother is a proper Southern lady and a passionate gardener who spends hours outside with her plants. In her neighborhood, where she has lived most of her life, no one has fences and every yard is open to the next.

Recently one of her longtime neighbors, an elderly man, moved away. “Are you going to miss him?” my friend asked.

“Actually I’m relieved,” her mother replied. “Now I can bend over.”

~~~

“Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.”

Alexander Pope

~~~

He said: As a senior at St. Cloud State University in Minnesota, I often engage women psychology majors in heated discussions about male-female relationships. Once, my friend Shelly and I got into a hot debate about whether men or women make the larger sacrifice of their respective gender characteristics when they get married.  To my surprise, Shelly agreed with me that men give up far more than women.

“You’re right, Steve,” she said.  “Men generally give up doing their cleaning, their cooking, their grocery shopping, their laundry.”

~~~

“Keep on going, and the chances are that you will stumble on something, perhaps when you are least expecting it. I never heard of anyone ever stumbling on something sitting down.”

Charles F. Kettering

~~~

rrManagement is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

A Daily From Yesteryear

Ray’s Daily

July 16, 2021

http://rays-daily.com

“Live with intention. Walk to the edge. Listen hard. Practice wellness. Play with abandon. Laugh. Choose with no regret. Appreciate your friends. Continue to learn. Do what you love. Live as if this is all there is.”

Mary Anne Radmacher

Ray’s Daily first published on July 16, 2007

 Before I get on with the daily I need to clarify my health situation. Apparently I made it sound worse than it probably is. The Atrial Fibrillation that I am experiencing is not life threatening only debilitating. When I have a severe bout I can’t drive and need to rest, that’s all. I only delayed my Cardiac appointments one week, I did so in hopes that I would be able meet a previous obligation, and there is a good chance that I will be able to do so. The original health appointments would have prevented me from volunteering two out of the three days I am committed to work.

With a Pacemaker and two heart ablations I no longer have A-Fib

Ray

As you know an ill wind often brings some good. In my case my health message resulted in e-mail from some of you for the first time in awhile and that was good.

 My old friend Vince sent this to me sometime ago, I have been saving it and now is a good time to see it again.

The most destructive habit…………………………Worry

The greatest Joy………………………………………Giving

The greatest loss………………….Loss of self-respect

The most satisfying work………………..Helping others

The ugliest personality trait………………..Selfishness

The most endangered species……..Dedicated leaders

Our greatest natural resource………………..Our youth

The greatest “shot in the arm”………..Encouragement

The greatest problem to overcome………………….Fear

The most effective sleeping pill………Peace of mind

The most crippling failure disease…………….Excuses

The most powerful force in life……………………..Love

The most dangerous pariah………………….A gossiper

The world’s most incredible computer…….The brain

The worst thing to be without……………………. Hope

The deadliest weapon………………………..The tongue

The two most power-filled words……………..”I Can”

The greatest asset…………………………………..Faith

The most worthless emotion………………….Self-pity

The most beautiful attire…………………………..SMILE!

The most prized possession………………….. Integrity

The most powerful channel of communication…….Prayer

The most contagious spirit………………..Enthusiasm

~~~

We are all something, but none of us are everything.

Blaise Pascal

~~~

He said: Recently launched into the “real world” and shocked by the expenses that came with it, my brother was complaining about the high cost of auto insurance.  

“If you got married,” teased my dad, “the premium would be much lower.”  

My brother smiled and said, “Dad, that would be like buying an airline just to get free peanuts.”  

~~~

I planted some bird seed…A bird came up…Now I don’t know what to feed it.

~~~

“Did you hear about Dr. Jones fighting with his girlfriend?”  

“No, I didn’t”  

“They got to yelling at one another, and he told her she was a lousy kisser.”  

“Oh-oh. What did she do then?”  

“She decided to get a second opinion.”

~~~

If you accept the expectations of others, especially negative ones, then you never will change the outcome.

Michael Jordan

~~~

An Irish woman goes to her solicitor to ask about getting a divorce.  

The solicitor asks, “Does he beat you?”  

“No, sorr.”  

“Does he keep you short of money?”  

“No, sorr.”  

“Is he a perpetual drunkard?”  

“No, sorr.”  

“Is he unfaithful to you?”  

“Ah, we’ve got him there, sorr. He was not the father of me last child.”  

~~~

Age is all imagination. Ignore years and they’ll ignore you.

Ella Wheeler-Wilcox

~~~

Oscar drove his brand new Mercedes to his favorite sporting goods store. He parked it outside and went in to do a little perusing with Jan, his regular saleswoman. Jan was a pretty blonde, and as Oscar walked into the store, she happily greeted him. But he wanted to look around alone before requiring her help, so she let him do his thing.

Five minutes later, Jan came running up to him yelling, “Oscar! Oscar! I just saw someone driving off with your new Mercedes!”

“Dear God! Did you try to stop him?”

“No,” she said, “I did better than that! I got the license plate number!”

~~~

Protons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic.

~~~

Mary:  “Has your husband lived up to all the things he said before you were married?”

Nancy: “No, He’s only lived up to one of them.”

Mary: “Which one was that?”

Nancy: “He said he wasn’t good enough for me.”

~~~

The world is good-natured to people who are good-natured.

William Makepeace Thackeray

~~~

Ol’ Fred had been a faithful Christian and was in the hospital, near death.

The family called their pastor to stand with them. As the pastor stood next to the bed, Ol’ Fred’s condition appeared to deteriorate and he motioned frantically for something to write on.

The pastor lovingly handed him a pen and a piece of paper, and Ol’ Fred used his last bit of energy to scribble a note, then he died.

The pastor thought it best not to look at the note at that time, so he placed it in his jacket pocket.

At the funeral, as he was finishing the message, he realized that he was wearing the same jacket that he was wearing when Ol’ Fred died.

He said, “You know, Ol’ Fred handed me a note just before he died. I haven’t looked at it, but knowing Fred, I’m sure there’s a word of inspiration there for us all.”

He opened the note, and read, “Pastor, you’re standing on my oxygen tube!”

~~~

There is no exercise better for the heart than reaching down and lifting people up.

John Andrew Holmes

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

BeWho You Want To Be

Ray’s Daily

July 15, 2021

http://rays-daily.com

“Positive anything is better than negative nothing.”

Elbert Hubbard

I feel sorry for the nay sayers and the chronic fault finders. It seems like they delight in making others as unhappy as they are. I really do not want to spend anymore time than I have to on the dark side of life.

Each of us owes it to ourselves to strive for happiness and I know no better way to do that then to staying positive. Here is an edited article I got from Psychology Today that I wish some of the folks I know would take its advice.

6 Ways to Become More Positive Today

Gregory L. Jantz Ph.D.

How can we begin to brighten our view of the world, and infuse more positivity into our thought patterns? Although quite simple, these six steps can make a profound impact on your approach to life, and ultimately create a more positive outcome.

Practice Gratitude. – One of the quickest ways to shift your focus away from negativity, judgment, and disappointment is to list the things in your life for which you are grateful. Be grateful to be gainfully employed, to sleep in a bed each night, for the sun that comes up each morning, for the waiter who greets you with a smile, for the people that love and care for you, and for a body that lets you experience life each day. Practicing gratefulness can cause almost an immediate shift in your perspective.

Two Steps Forward. – Initially, it might be hard to stop the negative flow of thoughts. This shift takes time. Be patient with yourself, and first just try to observe your thought patterns. See if you can catch yourself judging others, focusing on failures, complaining about work, or criticizing yourself or your body. When you observe these thoughts, take a moment to counter each negative thought with two positive observations or gratitudes. Think of it as taking two steps forward after your one step back.

Positive Posture. – The mind and the body have an intrinsic connection—each has a profound impact on the other. If you are struggling to move your mind into a more positive perspective, try moving your body there first. Try standing up straight, shoulders back, chin held high, stretching your arms out as wide as they can go. Feel powerful. Feel positive. Carrying yourself with “positive posture” will encourage your mind to feel more positive as well.

Smile. – Another way for your body to “trick” your mind into being more positive is through smiling. The simple act of smiling, even if you don’t necessarily have anything to smile about, can instantly change the way you feel internally. Whether you are sitting at your desk, driving in your car, or walking down the street, smile. You will be amazed how your mind reacts. Even better, try smiling at a co-worker or stranger you pass in the hallway or on the sidewalk.

Ditch the Crabs. – In other words, surround yourself with positive people. It’s hard to maintain a positive perspective if you are constantly pulled down by the negativity of friends, family, or co-workers. If you get trapped in a negative conversation, gracefully try to change the subject to something more positive. However, if you are surrounded by a bucketful of negative crabs, it may be time to reevaluate your circle of friends in an effort to be surrounded by uplifting individuals.

Do Something Kind. – It’s easy to get absorbed by our own world of misfortune and to forget about the people around us. Stepping outside of your daily routine to help someone else can provide amazing perspective and fill you with positivity. Strive to do one nice thing for someone else each day.

Life is not always easy, and sometimes we get handed a bushel of lemons. However, it is our own perspective that ultimately determines if we will drudge through life puckered and sour, or skip along with a glass of sweet lemonade.

~~~

“You’re braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”

A.A. Mine

~~~

Needing to shed a few pounds, my wife and I went on a diet that had specific recipes for each meal of the day. I followed the instructions closely, dividing the finished recipe in half for our individual plates.

We felt terrific and thought the diet was wonderful we never felt hungry!

But when we realized we were gaining weight, not losing it, I checked the recipes again.

There, in very fine print was: “Serves 6.”

~~~

“Iron rusts from disuse; stagnant water loses it purity and in cold weather becomes frozen; even so does inaction sap the vigor of the mind.”

Leonardo da Vinci

~~~

George has been seeing a psychoanalyst for four years for treatment of the fear that he had monsters under his bed. It had been years since he had gotten a good night’s sleep. Furthermore, his progress was very poor, and he knew it. So, one day he stops seeing the psychoanalyst and decides to try something different.

A few weeks later, George’s former psychoanalyst meets his old client in the mall, and is surprised to find him looking well-rested, energetic, and cheerful.

“Doc!” George says, “It’s amazing! I’m cured!”

“That’s great news!” the psychoanalyst says. “you seem to be doing much better. How?”

“I went to see another doctor,” George says enthusiastically, “and he cured me in just ONE session!”

“One?!” the psychoanalyst asks incredulously.

“Yeah,” continues George, “my new doctor is a behaviorist.”

“A behaviorist?” the psychoanalyst asks. “How did he cure you in one session?”

“Oh, easy,” says George. “He told me to cut the legs off of my bed.”

~~~

Never say there is nothing beautiful in the world any more.

There is always something to make you wonder, in the shape of a leaf, the trembling of a tree.

Albert Schweitzer

~~~

These are from an actual newspaper contest where entrants ages 4 to 15 were asked to imitate “Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey.”

  • “I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I don’t have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life?” –Age 15
  • “It sure would be nice if we got a day off for the president’s birthday, like they do for the queen’s. Of course, then we would have a lot of people voting for a candidate born on July 3 or December 26, just for the long weekends.” -Age 8
  • “I bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.”
  • -Age 13
  • “For centuries, people thought the moon was made of green cheese. Then the astronauts found that the moon is really a big hard rock. That’s what happens to cheese when you leave it out.” -Age 6
  • “If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and visualize world peace for an hour, imagine how serene and quiet it would be until the looting started.” -Age 15

~~~

A young schoolboy was having a hard time pronouncing the letter ”R,” and all the other kids were, of course, teasing him about it.

To help him out, the teacher gave him a sentence to practice at home: ”Robert gave Richard a rap in the ribs for roasting the rabbit so rare.” In class a few days later, the teacher asked the boy to recite the sentence out loud.

The boy nervously eyed his classmates–many of them already laughing at him–then replied, ”Bob gave Dick a poke in the side because the bunny wasn’t cooked enough.”

~~~

“Optimism is a happiness magnet. If you stay positive good things and good people will be drawn to you.”

Mary Lou Retton

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Explore Your Day

Ray’s Daily

July 14, 2021

http://rays-daily.com

“The real man smiles in trouble, gathers strength from distress, and grows brave by reflection.”

Thomas Paine

We have learned in the last year just how challenging our lives can be. Our situations change and it is up to us how well we adjust to each days reality. Most days provide an opportunity to find a path to make them a positive experience.

In order to take advantage of each of our days potential we need keep an open mind and stay alert. Here is a short poem that is reminder how we can make the best of each day.

   Reflecting on Life

Take time to stop today

Take time to stop a while

Reflect on how life changes

Then take the time to smile

Know that as the days go by

These things that challenge you

Will one day just be memories

Of times you have gone through

Look back now on yesterday

And all you have achieved

Recognise the strengths you’ve gained

The blessings you’ve received

One day in the future

You will think about today

You’ll see just how these challenges

Have helped you on your way

by Michelle Tetley

~~~

“Self-reflection is a humbling process. It’s essential to find out why you think, say, and do certain things – then better yourself.”

Sonya Teclai

~~~

A friend of mine is a deputy with the sheriff’s department canine (K9) unit. One evening, the deputy was dispatched to the scene of a possible burglary, where he discovered the back door of a building ajar. He let the dog out his patrol car and commanded it to enter and seek.

Jumping from the back seat, the dog headed for the building. After lunging through the doorway, the dog froze and backed out. My friend was puzzled until he investigated further. Then he noticed the sign on the building: “Veterinarian’s Office.”

~~~

If your wife parks the car, don’t sit there and insist she do it properly.

Walking the rest of the way to the curb is good exercise.

~~~

At the Henry Street Hebrew School, Goldblatt, the new teacher, finished the day’s lesson. It was now time for the usual question period.

“Mr. Goldblatt,” announced little Joey, “there’s somethin’ I can’t figger out.”

“What’s that Joey?” asked Goldblatt.

“Well accordin’ to the Bible, the Children of Israel crossed the Red Sea, right?”

“Right.”

“An’ the Children of Israel beat up the Philistines, right?”

“Er–right.”

“An’ the Children of Israel built the Temple, right?”

“Again you’re right.”

“An’ the Children of Israel fought the ‘gyptians, an’ the Children of Israel fought the Romans, an’ the Children of Israel wuz always doin’ somethin’ important, right?”

“All that is right, too,” agreed Goldblatt. “So what’s your question?”

“What I wanna know is this,” demanded Joey. “What wuz all the grown-ups doin”?

~~~

In my lifetime, I’ve learned two great truths. Sometimes love just isn’t enough, and sometimes shipping and handling is too much.

~~~

An old farmer in Indiana had owned a small farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice; picnic tables, horseshoe courts, basketball court, etc. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn’t been there for a while, and look it over. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny dipping in his pond.

He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end of the pond. One of the women shouted to him, “We’re not coming out until you leave!”  The old man replied, “I didn’t come down here to watch you ladies swim or make you get out of the pond naked.”

“I’m here to feed the alligator.”

~~~

“Without reflection, we go blindly on our way, creating more unintended consequences, and failing to achieve anything useful.”

Margaret J. Wheatley

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

For A Better Day

Ray’s Daily

July 13, 2021

http://rays-daily.com

“Peace is not the absence of conflict, but the ability to cope with it”

Ray’s Daily first published on July 13, 2006

It seems like every morning these days I awaken to news of more violence, conflict, and death. I sometimes long for the time when it appeared that peace was breaking out all around us. Sure, chances are we did not hear about some of the things happening to people in other countries, but that not withstanding we were not overwhelmed with the reality of the horror that grows each day. Of course I could solve my problem by avoiding all news, but I can’t do that, nor do I want to. What I can do is pray for a better world and strive to make sure that I don’t succumb to the violence. Here is something my friend Ken sent me sometime ago that I think has value.

MEANING OF PEACE

There was once a king who offered a prize to the artist who could paint the best picture of peace.  Many artists tried. The king looked at all the pictures, but there were only two that he really liked, and he had to choose between them.

One picture was of a calm lake.  The lake was a perfect mirror for the peaceful towering mountains all around it.  Overhead was a blue sky with fluffy white clouds. All who saw this picture thought that it was a perfect picture of peace.

The second picture had mountains, too.  But these were rugged and bare.  Above was an angry sky from which rain fell, and in which lightening played.  Down the side of the mountain tumbled a foaming waterfall. This did not look peaceful at all. But when the king looked, he saw behind the waterfall a tiny bush growing in a crack in the rock.  In the bush a mother bird had built her nest…. a perfect picture of peace.

Which of the pictures won the prize? The king chose the second picture. Do you know why?

“Because,” explained the king, “peace does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. Peace means to be in the midst of all those things and still be calm in your heart.  That is the real meaning of peace.”

~~~

“Peace is not something you wish for;

It’s something you make,

Something you do,

Something you are,

And something you give away.”

Robert Fulghum

~~~

Two elderly gentlemen were having coffee in the resort hotel the morning after their double wedding to their respective elderly wives.

Jim said, with concern, “I’ll have to see a doctor when I get home, I couldn’t consummate my marriage last night.”

“Oh, really,” says Bob. “I better see a therapist then – I didn’t even think of it!”

~~~

Few people blame themselves until they have exhausted all other possibilities.

~~~

According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington recently was faced with a unique problem.

A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints. Every night the maintenance man would remove them and the next day the girls would put them back. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night.

To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilets, and cleaned the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.

There are teachers, and then there are educators.

~~~

“Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example.”

Francois de La Rochefoucauld

~~~

Mind Games Dogs Play With Humans

1. After your humans give you a bath, DON’T LET THEM TOWEL DRY YOU! Instead, run to their bed, jump up and dry yourself off on the sheets. This is especially good if it’s right before your human’s bedtime.  

2. Act like a convicted criminal. When the humans come home, put your ears back, tail between your legs, chin down and act as if you have done something really bad. Then, watch as the humans frantically search the house for the damage they think you have caused.(Note: This only works when you have done absolutely nothing wrong.)  

3. Let the humans teach you a brand new trick. Learn it perfectly. Then the humans try to demonstrate it to someone else, stare blankly back at the humans. Pretend you have no idea what they’re talking about.  

4. Make your humans be patient. When you go outside to go ‘pee’, sniff around the entire yard as your humans wait. Act as if the spot you choose to go pee will ultimately decide the fate of the earth.  

5. Draw attention to the human. When out for a walk always pick the busiest, most visible spot to go ‘poo’. Take your time and make sure everyone watches. This works particularly well if your humans have forgotten to bring a plastic bag.  

6. When out for a walk, alternate between choking and coughing every time a strange human walks by.  

7. Make your own rules. Don’t always bring back the stick when playing fetch with the humans. Make them go and chase it once in a while.  

8. Hide from your humans. When your humans come home, don’t greet them at the door. Instead, hide from them, and make them think something terrible has happened to you. (Don’t reappear until one of your humans is panic-stricken and close to tears).  

9. When your human calls you to come back in, always take your time. Walk as slowly as possible back to the door.  

10. Wake up twenty minutes before the alarm clock is set to go off and make the humans take you out for your morning business. As soon as you get back inside, fall asleep. (Humans can rarely fall back asleep after going outside, this will drive them nuts!)  

~~~

“In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice; In practice, there is.”

Chuck Reid

~~~

A woman called to make reservations, “I want to go from Chicago to Hippopotamus, New York”

The agent was at a loss for words. Finally, the agent “Are you sure that’s the name of the town?”

“Yes, what flights do you have?” replied the customer.

After some searching, the agent came back with, “I’m sorry, Ma’am, I’ve looked up every airport code in the country and can’t find a Hippopotamus anywhere.

The customer retorted, “Oh don’t be silly. Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!”

The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, “You don’t mean Buffalo, do you?”

“That’s it! I knew it was a big animal!”

~~~

Jack: I shouldn’t have told my fiancée about my rich uncle.

Joe: Why not?

Jack: Because now she’s my aunt.

~~~

“When we are unable to find tranquility within ourselves, It is useless to seek it elsewhere”

François de la Rochefoucauld

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Age Gracefully

Ray’s Daily

July 12, 2021

http://rays-daily.com

Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.

Chili Davis

As you know I have found that my life at 88 is much better than I thought it could be. I find that being in an independent senior living facility provides the environment where folks have the freedom to find enjoyment in the aging process. We have a dining room where we eat together, enjoy each other’s company and are well fed.

Our activites provide us opportunities to exercise, learn, play and add positive experiences to our days. We have less to worry about while retaining the freedom to make the most of our remaing years.

Recently I ran across an article that shared tips on aging, here are a few I extracted because I think they are right on target.

TIPS FOR AGING GRACEFULLY FROM ECUMEN

Do something you enjoy every day. When you immerse yourself in things you enjoy, you can’t wait to do them again. And then you do them again, and again and again, and the enjoyment continues.

Work at friendships. Friendships are fuel, providing energy, love and feeding your emotions. You’re never too old for new friendships.

Embrace change. Life is change. Resisting it wastes precious time and energy. Living for it can create adventures you never thought possible.

Know yourself. You know best what you like and don’t like, and you have the power to emphasize the good.

Be gentle with yourself. Listen to your own inner voices and senses and do what makes you feel best.

Share happiness. Make a point to spread joy whenever possible. It feels good to make someone else feel good, and it’s very inexpensive to do.

Get sufficient rest. Living takes work; we all need a break. Take one whenever you need to.

Smile a lot.

Exercise. It feels good to get those endorphins jumping.

Suround yourself with people who lift you up rather than bring you down.

Embrace the joys of old age. You’re smarter; you’re more experienced and you have more time to do the things you enjoy.

Realize that although your body deteriorates, your spirit grows stronger if you allow it.

Treat others with respect and dignity. You’ll find respect and dignity come back to you.

~~~

Why a Kitten is Better Than a Baby

Veterinarians have evening hours.

Your kitten won’t be able to disturb the whole movie with its crying. Heck, you don’t even have to take the kitten with you, and if you don’t, you don’t even have to worry about whether or not the sitter is available tonight.

Your kitten won’t grow out of those cute but expensive clothes within three months.

Kittens look cute if they haven’t had a bath in a month.

You probably don’t have to lie awake nights wondering how you’re going to finance your kitten’s college education.

No one will question your abilities to function normally at your job when they hear you just got a kitten.

You only have to change the litter box once a day.

~~~

“Every single moment is absolutely extraordinary. But the next day is a thousand times better.”

Salvador Dali

~~~

An airbus with 346 passengers on board met with technical problems and as the message was flashed to the passengers, they started screaming with fear. The Captain said, “Don’t panic. I want to ask you. Who among you is the greatest believer. Who has the greatest faith in God?”

A passenger from the economy class yelled “Myself” Captain: “Are you sure?”

Passenger: “Yes, I am.”

Captain: “Please stand at that corner and pray. We have a shortage of 1 parachute.”

~~~

Enthusiasm is everything. It must be taut and vibrating like a guitar string.

Pele

~~~

Esther broke-up with her boyfriend.

She asked her Mother’s advice about returning the gifts he’d given her.

Without a pause, her Mother replied: “Send back the stuffed animals and letters, but keep the jewelry for sentimental reasons.”

~~~

“There’s an old saying – There’s No Place Like Home. Well, I went in the house next door, and it was very similar.”

Geoffrey Parfitt

~~~

A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams.  He asked her about what he should do next.

His mother had an idea:

“Why don’t you send her flowers, and on the card invite her to your place for a home-cooked meal?”

He thought this was a great strategy and arranged a date for a week later. His mother called the day after the big date to see how things had gone.

“Oh, mom, the evening was a disaster,” he moaned.

“Why…….didn’t she come over?” asked his mother.

“Oh, she came over alright………but she refused to cook…”

~~~

Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

~~~

An employment interviewer for a big company in New York was talking to an attractive young woman applying for a job. Looking over the application form, the interviewer noticed that the girl had not answered one important question concerning transportation to and from work.

“What about your bus line?” the interviewer asked her.

“I don’t believe I mentioned it,” came the pleased reply, “but it’s a 36C.”

~~~

“Live your life and forget your age.”

Norman Vincent Peale

~~~

A couple with their four-year-old son was dining at one of San Francisco’s sophisticated restaurants.  “What do you suggest for a little boy who likes nothing but hamburgers, hot dogs, and tacos?” asked the mother.

“Los Angeles or San Diego,” sniffed the waiter.

~~~

Of all the people I have met, you are certainly one.

~~~

An aspiring young actor asked a young lady’s father if he could have his daughter’s hand in marriage. The father said, “I would never let my daughter marry an actor.”

The actor said, “Sir, I think you may change your mind if you see me perform. Won’t you at least come and see the play?”

So the father went to see the play, and the next day he called the actor, “You were right. I did change my mind. Go ahead and marry my daughter. You’re no actor.”

~~~

Old age, believe me, is a good and pleasant thing. It is true you are gently shouldered off the stage, but then you are given such a comfortable front stall as spectator.

Confucius

~~~

We don’t stop playing because we grow old. We grow old because we stop playing.

George Bernard Shaw

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

We Are Fortunate

Ray’s Daily

July 9, 2021

http://rays-daily.com

Wealth consists not in having great possessions, but in having few wants.

Epictetus

Ray’s Daily first published on July 8, 2004

 We are truly fortunate that we have the lives we do. There are so many in the world that have nothing and if we were not so fortunate to have been born where we were instead of where they are, it would be us who are in desperate need. Yet even with our good fortune we still often wish for something else. I sometimes wonder if we spend so much time looking for something else across the fence we don’t see what we already have.

My friend Judy looks around and knows what she has liked. Her list includes:

  • Falling in love.
  • Laughing so hard your face hurts.
  • A hot shower.
  • No lines at the supermarket
  • A special glance.
  • Getting mail
  • Taking a drive on a pretty road.
  • Hearing your favorite song on the radio.
  • Lying in bed listening to the rain outside.
  • Hot towels fresh out of the dryer.
  • Finding the sweater you want is on sale for half price.
  • Chocolate milkshake. (or vanilla!) (or strawberry)
  • A long distance phone call.
  • A bubble bath.
  • Giggling.
  • A good conversation.
  • The beach
  • Finding a $20 note in your coat from last winter.
  • Laughing at yourself.
  • Midnight phone calls that last for hours.

Doesn’t that make you wish Judy was your friend too? I when I look around and see the good things I already have, Judy’s friendship is one of them, of course so is yours.

~~~

Without friends no one would choose to live, though he had all other goods.

Aristotle

~~~

A Mother’s Dictionary

AMNESIA:

Condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to make love again.

DUMBWAITER:

One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

FAMILY PLANNING:

The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster.

FEEDBACK:

The inevitable result when your baby doesn’t appreciate the strained carrots.

FULL NAME:

What you call your child when you’re mad at him.

GRANDPARENTS:

The people who think your children are wonderful even though they’re sure you’re not raising them right.

HEARSAY:

What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

IMPREGNABLE:

A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.

INDEPENDENT:

How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.

POW:

The first word spoken by children with older siblings.

PUDDLE:

A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry clothes into it.

SHOW OFF:

A child who is more talented than yours.

STERILIZE:

What you do to your first baby’s pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby’s pacifier by blowing on it.

TOP BUNK:

Where you should never put a child wearing Superman pajamas.

TWO MINUTE WARNING:

When the baby’s face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.

VERBAL:

Able to whine in words.

WHODUNIT:

None of the kids that live in your house..

WEEKEND:

When Dad gets to play golf while Mom catches up on the laundry, cleans the house, runs errands, etc.

~~~

Did you know that the biggest sellers in the bookstores are cookbooks.

The second biggest seller is diet books about how not to eat what you’ve just learned how to cook.

~~~

Hey, I like engineers, I use to work with them, so take the following with a grain of salt. Ray

Q: What is the definition of an engineer?

A: Someone who solves a problem you didn’t know you had, in a way you don’t understand.

Q: What do engineers use for birth control?

A: Their personalities.

Q: How can you tell an extroverted engineer?

A: When he talks to you, he looks at your shoes instead of his own.

Q: Why did the engineers cross the road?

A: Because they looked in the file and that’s what they did last year.

Q: How do you drive an engineer completely insane?

A: Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him, and fold up a road map the wrong way.

~~~

Q.  Why is it so important for the groom at a Jewish wedding to stomp on a wine glass?

A.  Because it’s the last time he’ll put his foot down.

~~~

I don’t think I’ll ever have a mother’s intuition.  My married sister, Anne, her twelve month old son, Timmy, and I were having lunch together in a restaurant one day. All of a sudden my sister gets up and announces she needs to excuse herself from the table to make a telephone call and would I please keep an eye on Timmy.

I said, “What do I do if he cries?”

She said, “Give him some vegetables.”

It turns out that jalapenos are not his favorite.

~~~

She said: I have the most marvelous recipe for meat loaf! All I have to do is mention it to my husband and he says, “Let’s eat out!”

~~~

One day, Jimmy Joe Bob was walking down Main Street when he saw his buddy Bubba driving a brand new pickup. Bubba pulled up to him with a wide grin.

“Bubba, where’d you get that truck?!?”

“Bobby Sue gave it to me” Bubba replied.

“She gave it to you? I knew she was kinda sweet on ya, but a new truck?”

“Well, Jimmy Joe, let me tell you what happened. We were driving out on County Road 6, in the middle of nowhere. Bobby Sue pulled off the road, put the truck in 4-wheel drive, and headed into the woods. She parked the truck, got out, threw off all her clothes and said, ‘Bubba, take whatever you want’.

So I took the truck!”

“Bubba, you’re a smart man!. Them clothes woulda never fit you!”

~~~

People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness.

Just because they’re not on your road doesn’t mean they’ve gotten lost.

–  H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

A New Day

Ray’s Daily

July 8, 2021

http://rays-daily.com

Every day that you open your eyes is a new day and another day to get it right.

Jean Renee Porter

One of the best things about today is that I am not obligated to fill it with duties, duties that would keep me from seeing how I might discover better things to do. There is something to be said for occasionaly wiping the slate clean so that we can write a more positive life plan.

I may have feared the unknown sometime in my past but not anymore. Now see each day as the chance to discover new opportunities. I like the following story since it reminds me that better days are up to me.

Expand your vision of possibilities

Imagine for a moment that you have been given this one day to live – there are no yesterdays or tomorrows. If that were true, how would you experience this day differently? What would you choose to think, see, and do?

Today truly is when life’s dramas will unfold. We can learn from the past and plan for tomorrow, but we can’t live in the past or future. The present moment is where we will experience life. This day is filled with tremendous possibilities for growth and achievement.

We can choose to dwell on yesterday’s hurtful memories, or we can see through the eyes of a child – with newness, joy, and the thrill of adventure.

Pause today. Experience deeply all the sights and sounds around you. Allow yourself to feel each emotion that this day brings. Take a moment to relax and let your imagination flow without limitation. Allow the possibilities of this day to become clear in your mind.

Then walk through this day in keen awareness, mindful of the miracles and possibilities it offers. Today we can build new dreams and discover solutions to unsolved problems. There will be chances to see, hear, touch, taste, feel, laugh, and love that we’ve never had before.

Dale Carnegie (1888-1955) wisely said . . . ‘We all have possibilities we don’t know about. We can do things we don’t even dream we can do.’

Inside each person there are possibilities he or she has not discovered. When we rush through the day without observing our thoughts, we overlook those possibilities. Living with intentional awareness will strengthen and broaden our vision of possibilities.

This moment can be a new beginning. There will be thrilling possibilities to see if you will stop, look and listen with your mind and heart. To your success!

Written by Steve Brunkhorst

~~~

Every single day is an opportunity for you to start anew; I call this my ’24-hour Reset Button.’ Each new day stands alone and brings you another chance to move closer towards your goals, so make each day a Great Day!

Tamara Tilleman,

~~~

A grandmother was pushing her grandchild around Wal-Mart in a buggy.

Each time she put something in the basket, she would say, “And here’s something for you, Diploma” or, “This will make a cute little outfit for you, Diploma” and so on.

Eventually, a bewildered shopper who had heard all this, finally asked, “Why do you keep calling your grandchild Diploma?”

The grandmother replied, “I sent my daughter to college and this is what she came home with!”

~~~

“People become really quite remarkable when they start thinking that they can do things. When they believe in themselves, they have the first secret of success.”

Norman Vincent Peale

~~~

My wife was in labor with our first child. Things were going pretty well when suddenly, she began to shout, “Shouldn’t, couldn’t, wouldn’t, didn’t, can’t!”

“Doctor, what’s wrong with my wife?!”

“Nothing. She’s just having contractions.”

~~~

A bill collector came to my house the other day, so I gave him a huge stack of old bills.

~~~

A gentleman was having some physical problems and his doctor told him that he had to drink warm water with Epsom salts one hour before breakfast. At the end of a week he returned and the doctor asked if he was feeling better. The man said that he actually felt worse.

“Did you drink warm salt water an hour before breakfast each day?” the Doc asked.

“No,” replied the man somberly, letting out a sigh. “I could only do about 15 minutes!”

~~~

Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me.

Carol Burnett

~~~

After a trial had been going on for three days, Finley, the man accused of committing the crimes, stood up and approached the judge’s bench.  “Your Honor, I would like to change my plea from ‘innocent’ to ‘guilty’ of the charges.”  

The judge angrily banged his fist on the desk. “If you’re guilty, why didn’t you say so in the first place and save this court a lot of time and inconvenience?” he demanded.  

Finley looked up wide-eyed and stated, “Well, when the trial started I thought I was innocent, but that was before I heard all the evidence against me.”  

~~~

To know the road ahead, ask those coming back.

~~~

Because my mother had a habit of losing her cordless phone, I bought her a phone with a clip on it, so she could attach it directly to her belt.

A few days later, I walked into my mother’s home and found her standing in the middle of the living room, halfway dressed. That didn’t strike me as odd so much as the fact that she was holding her pants to the side of her head and speaking into them.

“Don’t look at me that way,” she yelled. “The phone started ringing and I couldn’t figure out how to undo this stupid clip!”

~~~

Life isn’t perfect but we all have a chance, an opportunity or a right to embrace each new day to do many things.

Byron Pulsifer

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Be Humble

Ray’s Daily

July 7, 2021

http://rays-daily.com

“Pride is the mother of arrogance.”

Toba Beta

I fear that some folks are so pridefull that they have lost sight of the world around them. These are times when we need to have empathy for those struggling with their problems. We must never stand so tall thet we miss the opportunity to hold our hand out to ohers.

Here is a story that reminded me that we need to stay open and resilient in order to make the most of our days.

The Proud Teak

There was a proud teak tree in the forest. He was tall and strong. There was a small herb next to the tree.

The teak tree said, “I am very handsome and strong. No one can defeat me.” Hearing this, the herb replied, “Dear friend, too much pride is harmful. Even the strong will fall one day.”

The teak ignored the herb’s words. He continued to praise himself. A strong wind blew. The teak stood firmly. Even when it rained, the teak stood strong by spreading its leaves.

During these times, the herb bowed low. The teak made fun of the herb. One day, there was a storm in the forest. The herb bowed low. As usual, the teak did not want to bow.

The storm kept growing stronger. The teak could no longer bear it. He felt his strength giving way. He tried his best to stand upright, but in the end, he fell down. That was the end of the proud tree.

When everything was calm again, the herb stood straight. He looked around. He saw that the proud teak had fallen.

Moral of the Story: Do not let your pride get in the way of overcoming great difficulties. The proud teak was so prideful; he thought he was stronger than the howling wind. His inability to yield eventually caused his own fall.

~~~

“A proud man is always looking down on things and people; and, of course, as long as you are looking down, you cannot see something that is above you.”

C.S. Lewis,

~~~

There was an old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery. One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, “If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I’ll quit!”

Everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say instead that they had “fallen.”

This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well until the priest passed away at a ripe, old age. A few days after the new priest arrived, he visited the mayor of the town and seemed very concerned.

“Mayor, you have to do something about the sidewalks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep telling me they’ve fallen.”

The mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had told the new priest about the code word. But, before he could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at him and shouted, “I don’t know what you’re laughing about, because your wife has already fallen three times this week!”

~~~

If you don’t start, it’s certain you won’t arrive.

~~~

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~~~

E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data.

It should be used only for company business.

~~~

TEACHER: If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have??

VINCENT: One dollar.

TEACHER(sadly): You don’t know your arithmetic…

VINCENT(sadly): You don’t know my father…

~~~

What I need is a list of the specific unknown problems we will encounter.

~~~

Suzanne was on a flight from Detroit to San Diego when the guy next to her asked if she would like to play a fun game. She was tired and just wanted to take a nap, so she politely declined and rolled over to the window to catch a few winks. The neighbor persisted and explained that the game was easy and a lot of fun. He said, “I ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer, you pay me five dollars, and vice versa.”

Again, she declined and tried to get some sleep. Agitated, the man said, “Okay, if you don’t know the answer, you pay me $5, and if I don’t know the answer, I will pay you $500.”

This caught Suzanne’s attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game. The guy asked the first question: “What’s the distance from the earth to the moon?” Suzanne doesn’t say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill, and hands it to him.

“Okay,” says the man, “your turn.”

She asks, “What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?”

The neighbor, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references… no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress… nothing. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers but to no avail.

After an hour, he woke up Suzanne and handed her $500.

She thanked him and turned back to get some more sleep.

The guy, more than a little miffed, stirred Suzanne and asked, “Well, what’s the answer?”

Without a word, she reached into her purse, handed the guy $5, and went back to sleep.

~~~

“Nobody believes the official spokesman, but everybody trusts an unidentified source.”

Ron Nesen

~~~

A few signs your mobile home may be haunted…

You come home one day and it’s clean.

The eyes on the velvet Elvis painting move.

Instead of saying “boo” the ghost says “boo-ya’ll!”

The trailer is shaking, but there’s no tornado in sight.

Your Dale Earndhart bed sheets have eyeholes cut in them.

The lights turn on and off even though you paid the power bill.

That car in your front yard isn’t on blocks — it’s levitating by itself.

Mysterious footsteps seem to be stomping out Achy Breaky Heart.

~~~

Pride is a deeply rooted ailment of the soul. The penalty is misery; the remedy lies in the sincere, life-long cultivation of humility, which means true self-evaluation and a proper perspective toward past, present and future.F

Robert Gordis

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Be Aware

Ray’s Daily

July 6, 2021

Http://rays-daily.com

“Awareness allows us to get outside of our mind and observe it in action.”

Dan Brule

Ray’s Daily first published on July 7, 2004

 Yesterday I expressed my concern about our ability to get the information we need to really understand world events. I told you that a friend of mine felt that we do not need to limit ourselves to the media at hand. He said we have libraries, the internet, alternate publications, and other sources that we could use if we really wanted to.

What I wrote resulted in the following response from a respected friend who now lives in the United States. She said, “While it’s a valid point, I would have to argue that this society makes it more difficult for us.  I come from Ireland, where there is often in-depth news programming, especially on politics, during prime time, with the main network news bulletin at 9pm. Here, we have a world of so-called “reality TV” during prime time spots, and there is rarely good in-depth news programming, especially on the networks.  And to take their knowledge a stage further, people firstly have to realize that the network news is not the end of the story.  They have to be media literate.  Even as an ex-national news reporter in Ireland, it took me a while here to figure out where to go for real information.  So it’s not that simple, really.”

The bottom line is that it is up to us to decide how important we think it is for us to understand what is going on around us. If we do think it is important we will need to do a little workand in my view we are to fulfill our responsibilities as citizens we need to do some work.

~~~

Half of the American people have never read a newspaper.

Half never voted for President. One hopes it is the same half.

Gore Vidal

~~~

In our country there really are differences in different regions, the cultures are different, the behavior is different, and this just makes our people more interesting. Unfortunately speedy communications, pop culture, and the popular media are making us more like each other every day. When we all become the same we will no longer be interesting. But before that happens let me tell you about American girls from the south.

Southern girls know bad manners when they see them:

1.  Drinking straight out of a can.

2.  Not sending thank you notes.

3.  Velvet after February.

4.  White shoes before Memorial Day or after Labor Day

Southern girls always say:

1.  “Yes, ma’am.”

2.  “Yes, sir.”

Southern girls have a distinct way with fond expressions:

1.  “Y’all come back now ya heaah?”

2.  “Well, bless your heart.”

3.  “Drop by when you can.”

4.  “How’s your mother?”

5.  “Love your hair.”

Southern girls know their three R’s:

1.  Rich

2.  Richer

3.  Richest

Southern girls know everybody’s first name:

1.  Honey

2.  Darlin’

3.  Shugah

Southern girls know the three deadly sins:

1.  Bad hair

2.  Bad manners

3.  Bad blind dates

~~~

Can you sentence a homeless man to house arrest?

~~~

“How’s your mother,” a friend asked.

“Not good,” I answered. “She’s got chronic frontal sinusitis.”

“My goodness,” the friend said.  “Where did she get that?”

“Reader’s Digest.  Last month’s issue.”

~~~

Practice makes perfect, but if nobody’s perfect, why practice?

~~~

She said: The bank where I work had just installed its first 24- hour cash machine. I encouraged an elderly gentleman to take an application for the new plastic identification cards, explaining that he would be able to get cash any time of day or night.

He declined, saying, “Lady, anything I’d need money for that late at night I shouldn’t be doing.”

~~~

“Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.”

Albert Camus

I wonder if he means we work hard to be just like everyone else instead of being ourselves. Ray

~~~

One day a group of scientists got together and decided that man had come a long way and no longer needed God. They picked one scientist to go and tell Him that they were done with Him.

The scientist walked up to God and said, “God, we’ve decided that we no longer need you. We’re to the point that we can clone people and do many miraculous things, so why don’t you just go on and get lost.”

God listened patiently and kindly to the man and after the scientist was done talking, God said, “Very well! How about this? Let’s have a man making contest.”

To which the man replied, “OK, great!”

But God added, “Now we’re going to do this just like I did back in the old days with Adam.”

The scientist said, “Sure, no problem” and bent down and grabbed himself a handful of dirt.

God just looked at him and said, “No, no, no. You go get your own dirt!”

~~~

My computer is so fast. Before yours can boot up, mine has already crashed three times.

~~~

When the employees of a restaurant attended a fire safety seminar, they watched a fire official demonstrate the proper way to operate an extinguisher.

“Pull the pin like a hand grenade,” he explained, “then depress the trigger to release the foam.”

Later an employee was selected to extinguish a controlled fire in the parking lot. In her nervousness, she forgot to pull the pin.

The instructor hinted, “Like a hand grenade, remember?”

In a burst of confidence she pulled the pin …. and hurled the extinguisher at the blaze.

~~~

Judge:  Was the child born out of wedlock?

Mother:  No, Sir, just outside of Louisville.

~~~

My mom had decided to trim her household budget wherever possible, so instead of having a dress dry-cleaned by Stein’s Laundry she washed it by hand. Proud of her savings, she boasted to my father, “Just think, Sam, we are five dollars richer because I washed this dress by hand.”

“Good,” my dad quickly replied. “Wash it again!”

~~~

Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.

~~~

The day I started my construction  job, I was in the office filling out an employee form when I came to the section that wanted to know:

Single__, Married__, Divorced__. 

I marked single.  Glancing at the man next to me, who was filling out the same form, I noticed he hadn’t marked any of the blanks.  Instead he’d written, “Yes, in that order.”

~~~

Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired signifies, in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and not clothed. This world in arms is not spending money alone. It is spending the sweat of its laborers, the genius of its scientists, the hopes of its children. This is not a way of life at all in any true sense. Under the cloud of threatening war, it is humanity hanging from a cross of iron.

Dwight D. Eisenhower

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

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