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Ray’s Daily

September 9, 2022

http://rays-daily.com

Happiness is not being pained in body or troubled in mind.

Thomas Jefferson

I have been tired a lot lately. This morning I am off to see my cardiologist I am hoping that between her, my hematologist and my pulmonologist they will restore my energy. I don’t expect a return to my youth but I sure would like to restore some of my vim and vigor. Wish me well, time will tell.

3 Things You Do NOT Need to Be Happier in Life

1. You do NOT need all the things. — In fact, they say a person needs just three things to be truly happy in this world: someone to love, something to do, and something to hope for. I don’t think anything could be closer to the truth, and yet all too often we find ways of complicating things for ourselves. We look for happiness where it does not exist – in shallow goals and desires – in possessions, quick thrills, and impressing the wrong people.

2. You do NOT need an easy fix. — You have to do hard things to be happy in life. The little things no one else is doing. The little things that frighten you. The little things others can’t do for you. The little things that make you question how much longer you can hold on and push forward. Because those are the things that define you. Those are the things that make the difference between existing and living – between knowing the path and walking the path – between a life of mediocrity and a life filled with happiness and success.

3. You do NOT need to be “better” than others. — The size of our universe shrinks dramatically when we place ourselves at the center – when we think everyone is our competition – when we think we have to be richer, smarter, and more attractive than the person sitting next to us. Such a goal just keeps a person alienated and tirelessly running in place. Now on the flip-side, take someone who doesn’t keep score, who’s not looking to be richer, or smarter, or more attractive, who has not the slightest interest even in being better than anyone else: she’s free. Bottom line: Compete only with yourself…

Angel Chernoff

~~~

Happiness is being content with what you have, living in freedom and liberty, having a good family life and good friends.

Divyanka Tripathi

~~~

Look, I don’t want to wax philosophic, but I will say that if you’re alive you’ve got to flap your arms and legs, you’ve got to jump around a lot, for life is the very opposite of death, and therefore you must at very least think noisy and colorfully, or you’re not alive.

Mel Brooks

~~~

Why do we?

We will work hard on a farm so we can move into town where we can make more money so we can move back to the farm.

We spend untold thousands transporting kids a mile to school where we insist they exercise in their million dollar gyms.

We have more TV sets and watch more TV than any other country in the world, yet no TV sets are manufactured in the US.

We have more time saving appliances and devices than ever before in history and never have time to do anything.

We insist on strict enforcement of traffic laws but are highly offended should we get ticketed for a violation.

In the office we talk about baseball, shopping or fishing, but when we’re at the game, we talk about business, shopping or fishing.

We’re highly offended by any reference to sex on TV during the times kids are watching, but never notice the violence, mayhem and murder.

We’re supposed to be one of the most civilized Christian nations on earth, but we still can’t deliver payrolls without an armored car.

We demand a good balance of trade, yet lust after almost any imported product.

We have more food to eat than any other country in the world and more diets to help keep us from eating it.

~~~

“Everybody is Ignorant, just on different subjects.”

Will Rogers

~~~

Stumpy prepared a pasta dish for a dinner party he was giving. In his haste, however, he forgot to refrigerate the spaghetti sauce, and it sat on the counter all day. He was worried about spoilage, but it was too late to cook up another batch. He called the local Poison Control Center and voiced his concern. They advised Stumpy to boil the sauce again. That night, the phone rang during dinner, and a guest volunteered to answer it. Stumpy’s face dropped as the guest called out,

“It’s the Poison Control Center. They want to know how the spaghetti sauce turned out.”

~~~

The trouble with being punctual is that no one notices it when you are.

~~~

A new bride who was a bit embarrassed to be known as a honeymooner.  So when she and her husband pulled up to the hotel, she asked him if there was any way that they could make it appear that they had been married a long time.

He responded, “Sure.  You carry the suitcases!”

~~~

Why do you get on a bus and a train but get into a car?

~~~

A man traveling in southern Indiana was headed for the Kentucky border…when he saw a large sign… “LAST CHANCE FOR $3.25 GAS!!!”

He still had more than a quarter of a tank left, but figured he’d better take advantage of this opportunity to fill-up his tank.

As he was getting his change from the attendant, he asked, “How much is gas in Kentucky?”

The attendant replied, “$3.10…”

~~~

There is no happiness like that of being loved by your fellow creatures, and feeling that your presence is an addition to their comfort.

Charlotte Bronte

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Do you believe?

Ray’s Daily

September 8, 2022

http://rays-daily.com

If you can believe it, the mind can achieve it.

Ronnie Lott

I have often been impressed by the accomplishments of so many folks I know. They are the ones who do not wait to do something. I think the secret of their successes is that they don’t hesitate to take action because they believe in themselves. I feel sorry for those who spend their lives standing on the sidelines while others do so much. We really can do more than we often think we can it just takes a little self confidence and courage.

Here is a poem that has a message we all can use.

Thinking

By Walter D. Wintle

If you think you are beaten, you are

If you think you dare not, you don’t,

If you like to win, but you think you can’t

It is almost certain you won’t.

If you think you’ll lose, you’re lost

For out of the world we find,

Success begins with a fellow’s will

It’s all in the state of mind.

If you think you are outclassed, you are

You’ve got to think high to rise,

You’ve got to be sure of yourself before

You can ever win a prize.

Life’s battles don’t always go

To the stronger or faster man,

But soon or late the man who wins

Is the man WHO THINKS HE CAN!

~~~

“Remember the world will judge you based on how you judge yourself.”

 Vincent Mueller

~~~

DIET RULES

    1. If no-one sees you eat something, it has no calories

    2. When drinking a diet coke with a chocolate bar, the fat in the chocolate bar is canceled out by the diet coke

    3. When you eat with someone else, calories don’t count if you do not eat more than they do

    4. Food used for medical purposes does NOT count (for example: hot chocolate, toast, cheesecake and vodka)

    5. If you fatten up the people around you, you will look thinner

    6. Cinema related foods have a zero calorie count as they are part of the entertainment package and not counted as food intake (this includes: popcorn, choc tops, maltezers, jaffas and frozen cokes)

    7. Biscuit pieces have no calories because breaking the biscuits up causes calorie leakage

    8. Food licked from knives and spoons have no fat if you are in the process of cooking something

    9. Foods that are the same color have the same amount of fat. Examples are: spinach and mint ice-cream, apples and red jelly snakes

    10. Chocolate is like a food-color wild card and may be substituted for any other color

    11. Anything eaten while standing has no calories due to gravity and the density of the calorie mass

    12. Food consumed from someone else’s plate has no fat as it rightfully belongs to the other person and will cling to his/her plate (oh, how fat likes to cling)! And remember: STRESSED SPELT BACKWARDS IS DESSERTS!!!

~~~

Family planning: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster

~~~

Mrs. Berkowitz, shopping in the supermarket, went from counter to counter humming and singing to herself.

“You seem to be very happy,” remarked the clerk.

“I have every reason to be,” replied the woman. “I’ve got a beautiful home, two lovely children, a nice bank account, my husband’s life is insured for $1,000,000 and his health is far from robust.”

~~~

I know so little that it astonishes me how many people know even less.

~~~

The woman was always frequenting small antique shops, but regardless of what she saw there, she always complained about something.  The quality was poor, the prices too high, or the selection was limited.

The shop owners took it in stride, but one day, while ranting and raving, she yelled at the clerk, “Why is it I never manage to get what I ask for in your shop?”

The clerk simply smiled and replied, “Possibly, ma’am, because we’re too polite.”

~~~

“Whoever said you can’t buy happiness forgot about puppies.”

Gene Hill

~~~

While teaching children about world religions, a teacher asked her students to bring a symbol of their family’s faith to class. The next day, she asked each student to come forward and share the symbol with the class.

The 1st child said, “I’m Muslim, and this is my prayer rug.”

The 2nd child said, “I’m Jewish, and this is my family’s menorah.”

The 3rd child said, “I’m Roman Catholic, and this is my Mom’s rosary.”

The 4th child said, “I’m Greek Orthodox, and this is an icon of my patron saint.”

The 5th child said, “I’m Southern Baptist, and this is my casserole dish.”

~~~

TEACHER: Willy, name one important thing we have today that we didn’t have 10 years ago.

WILLY: Me!

~~~

My daughter-in-law, pregnant with her second child, was certain she wanted an epidural for pain management during childbirth.  Her doctor asked her at which stage of labor she wanted the epidural administered. 

Her response:  “Just meet me in the parking lot!”

~~~

There has never been a time in the history of humanity when there was a greater need to understand who we are and what we are capable of experiencing.

Jim Phillips

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Reprint from 2005

Ray’s Daily

September 7, 2022

http://rays-daily.com

You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don’t try.

Beverly Sills

Ray’s Daily first published on September 7, 2005

 ~~~

I think way too many of us either just go with the flow or use others as an excuse for our own inaction. Someone sent me this reminder that we really are in control of more than we like to admit.

The 10 Things in Life You Control

There are just a few aspects of life that we can truly control, and it’s useful to know just what those areas are. If you don’t know, you’ll spend a lot of time blaming others for your own failings.

The 10 things in life that you DO control:

1. What you do.

Your actions are yours alone. You choose to make them or not make them and you are responsible for the effects of those actions.

2. What you say.

Likewise, the words you speak (or write) are also consciously chosen. Like actions, they have an impact on your life and the lives of those you contact.

3. What you think.

Yes, there are some subconscious thoughts that you can’t control. But the things that you really think about, your beliefs, your ideals, etc. are concepts you have chosen to accept and believe in.

4. Your work.

Many people like to overlook this one, it being much easier to say “Oh, I’m trapped in my job because I don’t have a degree, experience, etc.” Hogwash! That’s simple a way of denying one’s responsibility in having chosen the job in the first place. It’s your job and you chose it. If you stay (or go), that’s a choice as well.

5. The people you associate with.

There’s a famous t-shirt that states: “It’s hard to soar like an eagle when you’re surrounded by turkeys.” Colloquial is very often correct! Your friends can either lift you up or bring you down. You make the decision which type of friends you wish to have.

6. Your basic physical health.

Much about our health is a factor of genetics, environment, and exposure. Much more of our health is simply a matter of the things we choose: diet, exercise, drugs, sleep, routine physicals, check-ups, etc.

7. The environment you live in.

Your house, the condition of your home, the town you live in, the amenities available to you are all things you can control, although some to a lesser degree (i.e., you decide to tolerate them or move someplace else).

8. Your fiscal situation.

Having or not having enough money is a factor of what you make versus what you spend.

9. Your time.

You choose how to “spend” your time and how much of your time to give to various activities. You’ll never get more time than the 24 hours your given each day.

10. Your legacy.

All your actions, words, and knowledge that you share while you are living become the gift that you leave when you are gone.

Jim M. Allen, personal & business success coach.

~~~

A ship in port is safe, but that’s not what ships are built for.

Adm. Grace Murray Hopper

~~~

We encouraged our 18-year-old daughter to find a job to help pay for her college education. One day she came home with five applications, and later that evening we read them.

Under “Previous Employment,” she listed “Baby-sitting.” And under “Reason for Leaving” she wrote, “They came home.”

~~~

Loving someone means helping them to be more themselves, which can be different from being what you’d like them to be, although often they turn out the same.

Merle Shain

~~~

Father Murphy was playing golf with a parishioner. On the first hole, he sliced into the rough. His opponent heard him mutter, “Hoover!” under his breath.

On the second hole, the ball went straight into a water hazard. “Hoover!” again, a little louder this time.

On the third hole, a miracle occurred & Fr. Murphy’s drive landed on the green only six inches from the hole! “Praise be to God!”

He carefully lined up the putt, but the ball curved around the hole instead of going in.  “HOOVER!!!!”

By this time, his opponent couldn’t withhold his curiosity any longer, & asked why the priest said “Hoover”.

“It’s the biggest dam I know.”

~~~

Nothing ruins a class reunion like someone who has managed to stay young-looking and get rich at the same time.

~~~

Children’s Creative Musings about Science!  

* To explain nuclear reactions, one child said, “When they broke open molecules, the found they were only stuffed with atoms. But when they broke open atoms, they found them stuffed with explosions.”  

* Concerning astronomy, one child said, “Most books now say our sun is a star. But it still knows how to change back into a sun in the day-time.” And another said, “Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun. But I have never been able to make out the numbers.”  

* “Vacuums are nothings,” said a young physics student. “We only mention them to let them know we know they’re there.”  

* “Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on,” one child observed.  

* “Rain is often known as soft water, oppositely known as hail,” reported a budding meteorologist. Another added, “Thunder is a rich source of loudness.”  

* Other children added these observations: “Isotherms and isobars are even more important than their names sound.” And, “It is so hot in some places that the people there have to live in other places.” And, “The wind is like the air, only pushier.”  

~~~

“I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.”

Joseph Blosephina

~~~

A small, uncertain, and nervous witness was being cross-examined.

The lawyer thundered, “Have you ever been married?”

“Yes, sir,” said the witness in a low voice. “Once.”

“Whom did you marry?” the lawyer demanded.

“Well, a woman,” the witness answered timidly.

The lawyer said angrily, “Of course you married a woman. Did you ever hear of anyone marrying a man?”

And the witness said meekly, “My sister did.”

~~~

“The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it.”

Dudley Moore

~~~

Nancy, whose daughter had just given birth to a beautiful, healthy baby, showed up for a lunch date looking less cheerful than Jill expected.

“What’s wrong,” Jill asked. “Are you depressed by the fact that you’re a grandmother?”

Nancy responded with a barely perceptible smile. “No,” she said. “It’s just that I’m not crazy about having to sleep with a grandfather.”

~~~

Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Appreciate Life

Ray’s Daily

September 6, 2022

http://rays-daily.com

Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not.

Ann Brashares

Labor Day is behind us and I start the new season with a new Hematolist this morning. I am hoping that he will provide the key to returning my lost energy. I really shouldn’t complain too much as my life is still pretty good.

The following abridged article offers tips on how we can learn to appreciate what we have,

How to Appreciate Your Life More

Barton Goldsmith Ph.D.

  • Do daily appreciation exercises. These can be very simple. There is constant beauty around you if you look for it, even if you are in the heart of the city.
  • Look for what’s right. Instead of beating myself up about my perceived flaws, It helps to display honorary plaques, diplomas, and other things you’re proud of having done or created to remind you of what you’ve accomplished.
  • Stop futurizing disasters. We all are worried about the future, but spending time imagining yourself living in a post-viral, zombie-infested world is not a good way to keep it from happening. When you catch yourself thinking negative thoughts, just make yourself stop and remember something wonderful from your childhood—pony rides, carnivals, school dances—whatever makes you happy to recall.
  • Give yourself the benefit of the doubt. It is so easy to give to other people, but many of us expect too much from ourselves and don’t give ourselves enough credit. If you’ve succeeded once in any area, you can succeed again in a different area. You get life credit for what you have done; allowing yourself to feel those past successes will empower you, so you can redirect that energy into your current goals.

Life has been difficult, and that’s hard enough to deal with. Getting down on yourself will only make you (and those you love) feel worse. Energy is infectious, and positive energy is downright contagious. If you project it, people will be attracted to it, and life will become nicer. Appreciating your life more is real internal work, but the benefits are well worth the effort.

~~~

Now is no time to think of what you do not have. Think of what you can do with what there is.

Ernest Hemingway

~~~

While traveling through Wyoming one winter day, I was experiencing what’s called a “horizontal blizzard.”  The snow that had fallen the day before was blowing across the road.

When I stopped for fuel, I remarked on the condition to a man at the gas station.  He obviously was a local who had seen a lot of winters.

“Yeah,” he said, nodding.  We don’t get much snow, but what we do get, we use a lot.”

~~~

A little boy went up to his father and asked, “Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?”  

The father replied, “Well, Son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have all of mine.”

~~~

“I can’t think of anything worse after a night of drinking than waking up next to someone and not being able to remember their name, or how you met, or why they’re dead.”  

Laura Kightlinger

~~~

My wife and I were having lunch at a fashionable eatery in Annapolis when we noticed what looked like a familiar face at the next table. Screwing up my courage, I asked,

“Excuse me. Aren’t you Marlin Fitzwater, the former White House press secretary?”

“Yes, I am,” he acknowledged, and graciously interrupted his lunch to talk to us.

As we were leaving the restaurant, I remarked to the blonde hostess,

“Do you know you have Marlin Fitzwater on the terrace?”

“I don’t know about that,” she replied, “but we have Perrier and Evian at the bar.”

~~~

Teenagers are like cats.  They never come when you call them unless food is involved.

~~~

“Hello, you have reached an office that thought it was so smart getting all it’s employees cordless phones.

The person you are trying to reach is here right now, staring at me as I answer this call and searching desperately for their cordless phone in the mess on their desk. It won’t matter if they find it since they didn’t leave it on the charger last night and the battery is dead. So you might as well leave a message with me and I’ll have them call you after the 4 hour handset recharge period is completed.”

~~~

I was waiting in line at my county clerk’s office one afternoon and noticed a hand-lettered sign that read, “Any child left unattended will be given a free kitten.”

~~~

A nurse at my hospital received a call from an anxious woman. “I’m diabetic and I’m afraid I’ve had too much sugar today,” she said.

“Are you light-headed?” the nurse asked.

“No,” the caller answered, “I’m a brunette.”

~~~

I sat there waiting for my new doctor to make his way through the file that contained my very extensive medical history.

After he finished all seventeen pages, he looked at me and said, “Ray, you look better in person than you do on paper.”

~~~

Nobody can be just like me.

Even I have trouble doing it.

~~~

Definitions

Twenty Something  — The cost of a sitter for Saturday night.

Fancy Restaurant  — One that serves cold soup on purpose.

College  — The four year period when parents are permitted access to the telephone.

Hors D’oeuvres  — A sandwich cut into 20 pieces.

Kissing  —  A means of getting two people so close together that they can’t see anything wrong with each other.

Emergency Numbers  — Police station, Fire Department and Places that deliver.

~~~

Love truth, but pardon error.

Voltaire

~~~

The elderly priest, speaking to the younger priest, said, “It was a good idea you had to replace the first four pews with plush bucket theater seats. It worked like a charm. The front of the church fills first”.  

The young priest nodded, and the old priest continued, “And you told me a little more beat to the music would bring young people back to church, so I suppose the rock ‘n roll gospel choir you brought in was another good idea. We are packed in to the balcony.”  

“Thank you, Father,” answered the young priest. “I am pleased that you are open to the new ideas of youth.”  

“Well,” said the elderly priest, “I’m afraid you’ve gone too far with the drive-thru confessional.”  

“But, Father,” protested the young priest, “my confessions have nearly doubled since I began that!”  

“I know, son,” replied the elderly priest, “but the flashing neon sign, ‘Toot n’ Tell or Go To Hell’ cannot stay on the church roof!”

~~~

If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is thank you, it will be enough.

Meister Eckhart

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Be a good one

Ray’s Daily

September 2, 2022

http://rays-daily.com

“Always do your best. What you plant now you will harvest later.”

Og Mandino

I have often been surprised at some of the things I have been able to do. It has not always been easy but I learned early in life to always do my best. I think tenacity coupled with a commitment to do as well as you can will always provide great reward.

Here is a story that reminded me of the value doing your best.

Be a good one

Pablo Picasso, the great Spanish painter and sculptor, once said this about his ability: ‘My mother said to me, if you become a soldier, you’ll be a general; if you become a monk, you’ll end up as Pope. Instead, I became a painter and wound up as Picasso.’ No lack of confidence here!

But he would have agreed with Abraham Lincoln. ‘Whatever you are,’ said Lincoln, ‘be a good one.’ He demonstrated the wisdom of that advice with his own life. And in this present age, which often seems to be contented with mediocrity, his words summon a yearning for improvement and growth.

I think it helps to remember that excellence is not a place at which we arrive so much as a way of travelling. To do and be our best is a habit among those who hear and understand Lincoln’s admonition.

Viennese-born composer Frederick Loewe, whom we remember from his musical scores that include – My Fair Lady, Gigi and Camelot, was not always famous. He studied piano with the great masters of Europe and achieved huge success as a musician and composer in his early years. But when he immigrated to the United States, he failed as a piano virtuoso. For a while he tried other types of work including prospecting for gold and boxing. But he never gave up his dream and continued to play piano and write music.

During those lean years, he could not always afford to make payments on his piano. One day, bent over the keyboard, he heard nothing but the music that he played with such rare inspiration. When he finished and looked up, he was startled to find that he had an audience – three moving men who were seated on the floor.

They said nothing and made no movement toward the piano. Instead, they dug into their pockets, pooled together enough money for the payment, placed it on the piano and walked out, empty handed. Moved by the beauty of his music, these men recognized excellence and responded to it.

Whatever you are, be a good one. If what you do is worth doing, if you believe that who you are is of value, then you can’t afford to be content with mediocrity. When you choose the path of excellence through this life, you will bring to it your best and receive the best it can offer in return. And you will know what it is to be satisfied.

Writtne by Steve Goodier

~~~

“Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does.”

William James

~~~

A guy was down on Fisherman’s Wharf in San Francisco when he saw a seafood restaurant and a sign on the Specials Board which read, “Big Lobster Tales, $5 each.” Amazed at the great value, he said to the waitress, “$5 each for lobster tails … is that correct?”

“Yes”, she said, “It’s our special just for today.”

“Well”, he said, “they must be little lobster tails.”

“No,” she replied, “It’s the really big lobster.”

Are you sure they aren’t green lobster tails – and a little bit tough?”

“No”, she said, “it’s the really big red lobster.”

“Big red lobster tails, $5 each?”, he said, amazed. “They must be old lobster tails!”

“No, they’re definitely today’s.”

“Today’s big red lobster tails – $5 each?”, he repeated, astounded.

“Yes”, she insisted.

“Well, here’s my five dollars,” he said, “I’ll take one.

She took the money and led him to a table where she invited him to sit down. She then sat down next to him, put her hand on his shoulder, leaned over close to him and said, “Once upon a time there was a really big red lobster …”

~~~

A direct quote from the Boss: “We passed over a lot of good people to get the ones we hired.”

~~~

Early in the semester, a student stops by during the professor’s office hours. He bids her enter. She glances up and down the hall, steps in, closes the door and says, “I would do anything to pass this class.” She steps closer to his desk, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes.

“I mean,” she whispers, “I would do…anything.”

He returns her gaze. “Anything?”

“Anything,” she replies.

The professor’s voice drops to a whisper and he says, “Would you…study?”

~~~

“I wish people who have trouble communicating would just shut up.”

Tom Lehrer

~~~

Tim was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully. “Give me one last request, Dear,” he said.

“Of course, Tim,” his wife said softly.

“Six months after I die, he said, “I want you to marry Lawrence.”

“But I thought you hated Lawrence,” she said.

With his last breath, Tim said, “I do!”

~~~

Photographer: The best shots are attempted through the lens cap.

~~~

She said, I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby looking homeless woman who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner. I took out my wallet, got out ten dollars and asked, “If I give you this money, will you buy wine with it instead of dinner?”

“No, I had to stop drinking years ago,” the homeless woman told me.

“Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?”

“No, I don’t waste time shopping. I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive.”

“Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?”

“Are you nuts?! I haven’t had my hair done in twenty years!”

“Well, I am not going to give you the money. Instead, I’m going to take you out for dinner with my husband and me tonight.”

The homeless woman was shocked. “Won’t your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I’m dirty and I probably smell pretty disgusting.”

“That’s okay. It’s important for him to see what a woman looks like after twenty years without shopping, hair appointments and wine.”

~~~

“Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out.”

Robert Collier

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Here We Go

Ray’s Daily

September 1, 2022

http://rays-daily.com

“If only. Those must be the two saddest words in the world.”

Mercedes Lackey

Here we go, the last quarter of the year. Autumn is just around the corner and our torruid temperatures will moderate. I plan on making the months ahead pleasant by my best. Join ne?

Here are some helpful thoughts from Angel Chernoff for us to consider.

3 Ways to Avoid the Regrets Too Many People Live With

1. You can’t lose what you never had, you can’t keep what’s not yours, and you can’t hold on to something that does not want to stay. But you can drive yourself mad by trying. What you need to realize is that most things are only a part of your life because you keep thinking about them. Stop holding on to what hurts, and make room for what feels right! Do not let what is out of your control interfere with all the things you can control.

2. Trust me now and thank me later, embrace uncertainty! Because some of the most incredible chapters of your life won’t have a title you feel comfortable with until much later. Living is risky business. Every decision, every interaction, every step, every time you get out of bed in the morning, you take a small, uncertain risk. To truly live is to know you’re getting up and taking that risk, and to trust yourself to take it. If you don’t—if you let uncertainty win—you will never know anything for sure, and in many ways this unknowing will be worse than finding out your hunch was wrong. Because if you were wrong, you could make adjustments and carry on with your life without ever looking back and wondering what might have been.

3. Ten years from now it won’t really matter what shoes you wore today, how your hair looked, or what brand of clothes you wore. What will matter is how you lived, how you loved, and what you learned along the way. So forget about impressing people for the sake of it. Be real instead! If you want to impress someone, impress yourself by making progress on something you’re sincerely proud of. Focus on what matters! It’s truly amazing what you can accomplish in a day when you aren’t incessantly worried about what everyone else in the world is thinking and doing.

Ultimately, the mind is your battleground. It’s the place where the fiercest and most ruthless conflict resides. It’s where half of the things you feared were going to happen, never actually happened. It’s where your expectations always get the best of you. It’s where you fall victim to your own train of thought time and time again. And if you allow these self-defeating thoughts to dwell in your mind, they will succeed in robbing you of peace, joy, productivity, meaning, and ultimately your life. You will think yourself into endless disappointment, heartache, and even depression.

~~~

“The only things I regret, and the only things I’ll ever regret are things I didn’t do. In the end, that’s what we mourn. The paths we didn’t take. The people we didn’t touch.”

Scott Spencer

~~~

A soldier was asked to report to headquarters for assignment. The sergeant said: “We have a critical shortage of typists. I’ll give you a little test. Type this,” he ordered, giving him a pamphlet to copy and a sheet of paper, and pointing to a desk across the room that held a typewriter and an adding machine. The soldier, quite reluctant to become a clerk typist, made a point of typing very slowly, and saw to it that his work contained as many errors as possible.

The sergeant gave the typed copy only a brief glance. “That’s fine,” he said. “Report for work at 8 tomorrow.” “But aren’t you going to check the test?” the prospective clerk asked. The sergeant grinned.

“You passed the test,” he replied, “when you sat down at the typewriter instead of at the adding machine.

~~~

Inspiration exists, but it has to find you working.

Pablo Picasso

~~~

She wrote:

Dear Tide,

I am writing to say what an excellent product you have! I’ve used it all through my married life, as my Mom always told me it was the best. Now that I am in my fifties, I find it even better! In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to berate me about how clumsy I was, and generally started becoming a pain in the neck.

One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with a lot of his blood on my white blouse. I tried to get the stain out using a bargain detergent, but it just wouldn’t come out. After a quick trip to the supermarket, I purchased a bottle of liquid Tide with bleach alternative, and to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out! In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative and then my attorney called and said that I would no longer be considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband.

What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without being a murder suspect! I thank you, once again, for having such a great product.

Well, gotta go. I have to write a letter to the Hefty bag people . . .

~~~

Blessed are the meek, for they make great scapegoats.

~~~

The doctor that had been seeing an 80-year-old woman for most of her life finally retired.  At her next checkup, the new doctor told her to bring a list of all the medicines that had been prescribed for her. As the young doctor was looking through these, his eyes grew wide as he realized she had a prescription for birth control pills!!

“Mrs. Smith, do you realize these are BIRTH CONTROL pills?!?”

“Yes, they help me sleep at night.”

“Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely NOTHING in these that could possibly help you sleep at night!”

She reached out and patted the young Doctor’s knee. “Yes, dear, I know that. But every morning, I grind one up and mix it in the glass of orange juice that my 16 year old granddaughter drinks…And believe me…….it helps me sleep at night!!!”

~~~

We have enough people who tell it like it is; now we could use a few who can tell it like it can be.

~~~

Lil’ Johnny’s mother took her 6 year old son with her to the bank.  They were in line behind a rather obese lady.  As the mother patiently waited, Lil’ Johnny looked at the women in front of him and observed loudly, “Hey, Mom, she’s really fat.”

The lady looked at Johnny, made eye contact with his mother and gave an understanding smile.  Lil’ Johnny received a reprimand. After a minute or two, Lil’ Johnny spread his hands as far as they will go and loudly said, “I bet her butt is ‘that’ wide.”

At this the lady glared at Johnny. His embarrassed mother severely scolds her son. Again after a couple of minutes Lil’ Johnny stated loudly, “Look how the fat hangs over her belt.” The lady turned and told Johnny’s mother to control her child and his mother threatened him with severe bodily harm.

The lady’s pager begins to go off. Lil’ Johnny yelled in a panic at the top of his voice, “Run for your life, she’s backing up”

~~~

I don’t have a solution, but I admire the problem.

~~~

A Stanford Medical research group advertised for participants in a study of obsessive-compulsive disorder. They were looking for therapy clients who had been diagnosed with this disorder. The response was gratifying; they got 3,000 responses about three days after the ad came out. All from the same person.

~~~

“We cannot always change what has happened to us, but we can change how we react and how we live in the future. Living with no regrets is living successfully.”

Dr. Ellen Taricani

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Better Late Than Never

Ray’s Daily

August 30, 2022

http://rays-daily.com

A wise man turns chance into good fortune.

Thomas Fuller

I have had the good fortune to have stumbled into some great opportunities. I have found that one of life’s great secrets is to be ready to turn even negative events into something worthwhile. I have spent a lifetime benefiting from the gifts I reaped from serendipity. So my friends be ready for opportunity, sometimes they are not easily recognized.

The Farmer’s Horse

by: Alan Watts

There is a story of a farmer whose horse ran away. That evening the neighbors gathered to commiserate with him since this was such bad luck. He said, “May be.”

The next day the horse returned, but brought with it six wild horses, and the neighbors came exclaiming at his good fortune. He said, “May be.”

And then, the following day, his son tried to saddle and ride one of the wild horses, was thrown, and broke his leg. Again the neighbors came to offer their sympathy for the misfortune. He said, “May be.”

The day after that, conscription officers came to the village to seize young men for the army, but because of the broken leg the farmer’s son was rejected. When the neighbors came to say how fortunately everything had turned out, he said, “May be.”

~~~

Good luck happens to people who work hard for it. Sometimes people just fall into the honey pot, but I’ve consistently strived to create whatever good fortune I can get in my life – and consistently strive just as hard not to screw it up once I have it!

Patrick Duffy

~~~

A mother was showing her son how to zip up his coat. “The secret,” she said, “is to get the left part of the zipper to fit in the other side before you try to zip it up.”

The boy looked at her quizzically… “Why does it have to be a secret?”

~~~

Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 85, are all excited about their decision to get married.

They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way they pass a drugstore.

Jacob suggests that they go in.

Jacob addresses the man behind the counter:” Are you the owner?”

The pharmacist answers ” Yes”.

Jacob: “Do you sell heart medication?”

Pharmacist: “Of course we do.”

Jacob: “How about medicine for circulation?”

Pharmacist: “All kinds.”

Jacob: “Medicine for rheumatism? “

Pharmacist: “Definitely.”

Jacob: “How about Viagra?”

Pharmacist: “Of course.”

Jacob: “Medicine for memory?”

Pharmacist: “Yes, a large variety.”

Jacob: “What about vitamins and sleeping pills?”

Pharmacist: “Absolutely.”

Jacob turns to Rebecca:

“Sweetheart, we might as well register our wedding gift list with them!

~~~

A motivational sign at work: The beatings will continue until morale improves.

~~~

Grandma, when you and Grandpa had your first baby, did Grandpa ever handle the middle of the night feeding?”

“No. I always did that.”

“That must have been before you had women’s liberation.”

“No, it was before we had baby bottles.”

~~~

Quote from telephone inquiry “We’re only hiring one summer intern this year and we won’t start interviewing candidates for that position until the Boss’ daughter finishes her summer classes.

~~~

A priest was sitting on the steps of the church one spring day enjoying the sunshine.  He saw a young boy approaching him on the sidewalk pulling a wagon.  Every few yards one of the wheels would fall off the wagon, the boy would say “Damn!” put the wheel back on, and continue down the street, and a wheel would fall off again a few yards later.

As the boy neared the steps, the priest saw this as an opportunity to make an impression on the boy, and stopped him.  “You know,” he said to the boy, “when a wheel falls off your wagon, instead of using profanity, you should say ‘Praise the Lord!’ instead.”  He went on to tell the boy how Someone is always watching over us and how we should be careful to do the right thing at all times.

The boy acknowledged his words and thanked him, and went on down the street.  The priest stood there, feeling quite pleased with himself.  About 50 yards away from the steps, all four wheels fell off the wagon, the boy stopped, heaved a huge sigh, and said, “Praise the Lord!”  Instantly the wagon raised off the ground, all four wheels returned to their places.

Upon seeing this, the priest said, “Damn!”

~~~

“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.”

Germaine Greer

~~~

A site foreman had ten very lazy men working for him, so one day he decided to trick them into doing some work for a change.

“I’ve got a really easy job today for the laziest one among you,” he announced.  “Will the laziest man please put his hand up?”

Nine hands went up.

“Why didn’t you put your hand up?” he asked the tenth man.

“Too much trouble,” came the reply.

~~~

Are you interested in making $$$$ fast? Here’s an incredibly simple way to do it, and there is nothing to buy, no investment to make, no money to lose! Try it now!

Follow this simple procedure:

     1) Hold down the shift key.

     2) Hit the 4 key four times.

~~~

“To err is human, but when the eraser wears out ahead of the pencil, you’re overdoing it.”

Josh Jenkins

~~~

At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. “Isn’t it true,” he bellowed, “that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?”

The witness stared out the window as though he hadn’t hear the question. “Isn’t it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?” the lawyer repeated.

The witness still did not respond. Finally, the judge leaned over and said, “Sir, please answer the question.”

“Oh,” the startled witness said, “I’m sorry, Your Honor, I thought he was talking to you.”

~~~

Alcohol and calculus don’t mix. Never drink and derive.

~~~

An older lady is making her first visit to her new doctor’s office. Before seeing the doctor she is required to fill-out forms. A nurse in the office offers to help her do this. The nurse starts by asking, “How old are you, Mrs. Silver?”

“None of your business,” she responds. The nurse then says, “But the doctor must know your age for his records.”

Mrs. Silver replies, “Okay. Well, first, multiply twenty by two, then add ten. Got that?”

“Yes.” answers the nurse.

“All right, now subtract fifty, and tell me, what do you get?”

The nurse says, “Zero.”

Mrs. Silver responds, “Right! And that’s exactly the chance of me telling you my age.”

~~~

A wise man turns chance into good fortune.

Thomas Fuller

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

A New Day

Ray’s Daily

August 29, 2022

http://rays-daily.com

I have always been delighted at the prospect of a new day, a fresh try, one more start, with perhaps a bit of magic waiting somewhere behind the morning.

J. B. Priestly

Reprint: Ray’s Daily first published on August 29, 2002

The older we get the more we realize that we have all sorts of missed opportunities to be happy. Often it was a case of missed priorities. My friend Bob knows some of the secrets and has shared them with us.

How To Stay Young and Happy!

Throw out all the nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctor worry about them — that is why you pay him.

Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down. If you really need a grouch, there are probably a few of your relatives to do the job.

Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Just never let your brain idle.

Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath. Laugh so much that you can be tracked in the store by your distinctive laughter.

The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with you your entire life is yourself.

Surround yourself with what you love, whether it is family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, and hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

Cherish your health. If it is good — preserve it. If it is unstable — improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve — get help.

Don’t take guilt trips. Go to the mall, the next county, a foreign country … but not to guilt.

Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

And remember that Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take … but by the moments that take our breath away!

~~~

You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.

Les Brown

~~~

A prospective juror in a Dallas District Court was surprised by the definition of voluntary manslaughter given the panel: “An intentional killing that occurs while the defendant is under the immediate influence of sudden passion arising from an adequate cause, such as when a spouse’s mate is found in a ‘compromising position.'”

“See, I have a problem with that passion business,” responded one jury candidate. “During my first marriage, I came in and found my husband in bed with my neighbor. All I did was divorce him. I had no idea that I could have shot him.” She wasn’t selected for the jury.

~~~

Andy Rooney on Vegetarians: “Vegetarian – that’s an old Indian word meaning ‘lousy hunter.'”

~~~

As I left the grocery store, I noticed two little kids, maybe six or seven years old, selling candy bars in front of the store to raise money for their school band.

“I’ll buy a chocolate bar on one condition,” I said to the boys. “You eat it for me.”

I bought one and handed the candy back to one of the boys.

He shook his head. “I can’t,” he said.

“Why not?”

Looking me in the eye, he responded gravely, “I’m not supposed to take candy from strangers.”

~~~

Taxation WITH representation isn’t so hot, either!

~~~

Moshe, the owner of a small Kosher New York deli, was being questioned by an IRS agent about his tax return. He had reported a net profit of $80,000 for the year.

“Why don’t you people leave me alone?” the deli owner said. “I work like a dog, everyone in my family helps out, the place is only closed three days a year. And you want to know how I made $80,000?”

“It’s not your income that bothers us,” the agent said. “It’s these travel deductions. You listed ten trips to Israel for you and your wife.”

“Oh, that?” the owner said smiling. “Well… we also deliver.”

~~~

Quirks About Life That You Notice By The Time You Are Fifty…

– Most people deserve each other.

– All the good ones, no matter what it is, are taken.

– The one who snores will fall asleep first.

– The length of a marriage is inversely proportional to the amount of money spent on the wedding.

– If you help a relative in need, he/she will remember you the next time they are in need.

– The probability of meeting someone you know increases greatly when you are out with someone you do not want to be seen with.

– Toothaches always start on Friday night right before the weekend when the Dental Office will be closed.

~~~

A very large, old, building was being torn down in Chicago to make room for a new skyscraper. Due to its proximity to other buildings it could not be imploded and had to be dismantled floor by floor.

While working on the 49th floor, two construction workers found a skeleton in a small closet behind the elevator shaft. They decided that they should call the police. When the police arrived they directed them to the closet and showed them the skeleton fully clothed and standing upright. They said, “This could be Jimmy Hoffa or somebody really important.”

Two days went by and the construction workers couldn’t stand it any more, they had to know who they had found. They called the police and said, “We are the two guys who found the skeleton in the closet and we want to know if it was Jimmy Hoffa or somebody important.”

The police said, “It’s not Jimmy Hoffa, but it was somebody kind of important.”

“Well, who was it?”

“The 1956 National Hide-and-Seek Champion.”

~~~

Quote from a recent meeting: “We are going to continue having these meetings, everyday, until I find out why no work is getting done”.

~~~

A photographer for a national magazine was assigned to take pictures of a great forest fire. He was advised that a small plane would be waiting to fly him over the fire. The photographer arrived at the airstrip just an hour before sundown.

Sure enough, a small Cessna airplane was waiting. He jumped in with his equipment and shouted, “Let’s go!” The tense man sitting in the pilot’s seat swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air, though flying erratically.

“Fly over the north side of the fire,” said the photographer, “and make several low-level passes.”

“Why?” asked the nervous pilot.

“Because I’m going to take pictures!” yelled the photographer. “I’m a photographer, and photographers take pictures.”

The pilot replied, “You mean you’re not the flight instructor?”

~~~

YOGI BERRA SAID: “I really didn’t say everything I said.”

~~~

A teacher is giving a spelling bee.  She asks little John to spell the word “before.”

“Um…  Before: b-e-e-f-o-r” he replies erroneously.

The teacher then calls on Suzy.

“Before: b-e-p-h-o-r.”

Again, she is wrong, and the teacher calls on little Leroy.

“Before: b-e-f-o-r-e.” gloats the little boy.

“Very good, Leroy! Can you use the word in a sentence?”

“Yeah.  Before:  Two and two be fore.”

~~~

“The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously.”

Hubert Humphrey

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Have a Great Weekend

Ray’s Daily

August 26, 2022

http://rays-daily.com

“I choose gentleness. Nothing is won by force. I choose to be gentle.”

Max Lucado

Friday at last. This has been a week for me with a few problems but they are over and I look forward to a good weekend.  I hope you have one as well. Here are a few worthy thoughts from Angel Chernoff to get us started,

7 Simple Yet Powerful Reminders to End Your Week Right

1. We cannot control exactly what happens around us, but we can control how we respond. In your response is your freedom.

2. If we’ve learned one thing recently, it’s that we need to be gentle with ourselves and others. We’re all a bit weary and stressed. Be recklessly gracious.

3. It’s rarely as personal as it seems. What other people say and do is mostly because of them, not you. So let their opinions inform you, but don’t let them limit you.

4. There’s a time and place for everything, and every step is necessary. Just keep doing your best, and don’t force what’s not yet supposed to fit into your life. It will happen, when it’s time. Where you are right now is where your power is.

5. No single struggle defines everything we are. No single chapter tells the whole story. Keep turning the pages that need to be turned.

6. If the grass looks greener on the other side, stop staring, stop comparing, and start watering the grass you’re standing on.

7. When life feels like an emotional roller coaster, steady yourself with simple rituals. Make the bed. Water the plants. Rinse off your own bowl and spoon. Remember, simplicity attracts calmness and wisdom.

The bottom line is, despite the real world challenges you face, the biggest and most complex obstacle you will ever have to personally overcome is your own mind. In other words, you aren’t responsible for everything that happens, but you ARE responsible for undoing the self-defeating thinking and behavioral patterns that these undesirable experiences create…

~~~

“Being a gentle person means that though you have the power and potential to be devastating through your attitudes and actions, you control them so that you have a calming and soothing effect on others.”

Anonymous

~~~

A man called the undertaker one afternoon and sobbed, “This is Mr. Magillicutty. I need you to bury my wife.”

“Mr. Magillicutty? Sidney Magillicutty?”

“Yes, that’s right.”

“Didn’t I bury your wife 10 years ago?” the undertaker asked.

“I got married again,” the man sobbed.

“Oh,” replied the undertaker. “Congratulations.”

~~~

A man ninety years old was asked to what he attributed his longevity. I reckon, he said, with a twinkle in his eye, it because most nights I went to bed and slept when I should have sat up and worried.

Dorothea Kent

~~~

Here are some actual comments made by NYC Teachers on student’s report cards. These comment were made as part of their final narratives.

All the Teachers were reprimanded, but they said it was worth it!

1. “Since my last report, your child has hit rock bottom and has started to dig.”

2. “I would not allow your student to breed.”

3. “Your child has delusions of adequacy.”

4. “Your child is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.”

5. “Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.”

6. “The student has a “full six pack” but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.”

7. “This child has been working with glue too much.”

8. “When your daughter’s IQ reaches 50, she should sell.”

9. “The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train is not coming.”

10. “If this student were any more stupid, he’d have to be watered twice a week.”

11. “It’s impossible to believe the sperm that created this child beat out 1,000,000 others.”

~~~

“It is better to ask some of the questions than to know all the answers.”

James Thurber

~~~

An elderly man was driving down the freeway, and the car phone rings. Answering, he found it was his son’s voice urgently warning, “I just heard on the news that there’s a car going the wrong way on I-285.  Please! Be careful!”

“Hey!” said the senior citizen, “It’s not just one car. It’s hundreds of them!”

~~~

I couldn’t remember when I had been so disappointed. Except perhaps the time I found out that M&Ms really do melt in your hand…

Peter Oakley

~~~

The school of agriculture’s dean of admissions was interviewing a prospective student, “Why have you chosen this career?” he asked.

“I dream of making a million dollars in farming, like my father,” the student replied.

“Your father made a million dollars in farming?” echoed the dean much impressed.

“No,” replied the applicant. “But he always dreamed of it.”

~~~

“It is a sign of a creeping inner death when we no longer can praise the living.”

Eric Hoffer

~~~

A boy, who was a witness in court, was asked by a lawyer: “Did anyone tell you what to say in court?”

“Yes, sir.”

“I thought so! Who was it?”

“My father, sir.”

“And what did he tell you?”

“He said the lawyers would try to get me all tangled up, but if I stuck to the truth, I would be all right.”

~~~

“Statistics Means Never Having to Say you’re Certain”

~~~

Barbara said, I returned to my parents’ home to attend a funeral. At the funeral my mother led me to a man who looked vaguely familiar.  “Barbara, remember Rabbi Green?” she asked as she left me in his company.

I frantically tried to place him, and suddenly it came to me. He must be the kind man who, five years earlier, had officiated at my grandmother’s funeral. “It’s good to see you again, Rabbi,” I said. “Though I wish it weren’t always under such tragic circumstances.  “The rabbi looked perplexed but uttered some words of consolation before he was called away. A few minutes later, I rejoined my mother.

“Imagine,” she whispered, “after all this time, to run into the rabbi who performed your wedding!”

~~~

A man called the undertaker one afternoon and sobbed, “This is Mr. Magillicutty. I need you to bury my wife.”

“Mr. Magillicutty? Sidney Magillicutty?”

“Yes, that’s right.”

“Didn’t I bury your wife 10 years ago?” the undertaker asked.

“I got married again,” the man sobbed.

“Oh,” replied the undertaker. “Congratulations.”

~~~

A man ninety years old was asked to what he attributed his longevity. I reckon, he said, with a twinkle in his eye, it because most nights I went to bed and slept when I should have sat up and worried.

Dorothea Kent ~

~~~

Here are some actual comments made by NYC Teachers on student’s report cards. These comment were made as part of their final narratives.

All the Teachers were reprimanded, but they said it was worth it!

1. “Since my last report, your child has hit rock bottom and has started to dig.”

2. “I would not allow your student to breed.”

3. “Your child has delusions of adequacy.”

4. “Your child is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.”

5. “Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.”

6. “The student has a “full six pack” but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.”

7. “This child has been working with glue too much.”

8. “When your daughter’s IQ reaches 50, she should sell.”

9. “The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train is not coming.”

10. “If this student were any more stupid, he’d have to be watered twice a week.”

11. “It’s impossible to believe the sperm that created this child beat out 1,000,000 others.”

~~~

“It is better to ask some of the questions than to know all the answers.”

James Thurber

~~~

An elderly man was driving down the freeway, and the car phone rings. Answering, he found it was his son’s voice urgently warning, “I just heard on the news that there’s a car going the wrong way on I-285.  Please! Be careful!”

“Hey!” said the senior citizen, “It’s not just one car. It’s hundreds of them!”

~~~

I couldn’t remember when I had been so disappointed. Except perhaps the time I found out that M&Ms really do melt in your hand…

Peter Oakley

~~~

The school of agriculture’s dean of admissions was interviewing a prospective student, “Why have you chosen this career?” he asked.

“I dream of making a million dollars in farming, like my father,” the student replied.

“Your father made a million dollars in farming?” echoed the dean much impressed.

“No,” replied the applicant. “But he always dreamed of it.”

~~~

“It is a sign of a creeping inner death when we no longer can praise the living.”

Eric Hoffer

~~~

A boy, who was a witness in court, was asked by a lawyer: “Did anyone tell you what to say in court?”

“Yes, sir.”

“I thought so! Who was it?”

“My father, sir.”

“And what did he tell you?”

“He said the lawyers would try to get me all tangled up, but if I stuck to the truth, I would be all right.”

~~~

“Statistics Means Never Having to Say you’re Certain”

~~~

Barbara said, I returned to my parents’ home to attend a funeral. At the funeral my mother led me to a man who looked vaguely familiar.  “Barbara, remember Rabbi Green?” she asked as she left me in his company.

I frantically tried to place him, and suddenly it came to me. He must be the kind man who, five years earlier, had officiated at my grandmother’s funeral. “It’s good to see you again, Rabbi,” I said. “Though I wish it weren’t always under such tragic circumstances.  “The rabbi looked perplexed but uttered some words of consolation before he was called away. A few minutes later, I rejoined my mother.

“Imagine,” she whispered, “after all this time, to run into the rabbi who performed your wedding!”

~~~

“I have three precious things which I hold fast and prize. The first is gentleness; the second frugality; the third is humility, which keeps me from putting myself before others. Be gentle and you can be bold; be frugal and you can be liberal; avoid putting yourself before others and you can become a leader among men.”

Lao Tzu

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Be Positive

Ray’s Daily

August 25, 2022

http://rays-daily.com

“Live life to the fullest, and focus on the positive.”

Matt Cameron

I am back after some internet, computer and health problems that only lasted for a couple of days. I learned that a 12 hour sleep session can work wonders I also benefited from some technical help and luck. Anyway things are back to goiod times. The following story offers the best medicine for recovery from a bad day. Somy friends have a good day, I know I will.

What Am I

I am seldom considered, though I do more to influence everything about you than virtually any one thing in your life.  I often control the time you get up in the morning, the time you go to sleep, what you eat and drink and the very thought that runs through your head.  I can make you either happy or sad, loving or hateful, cheerful or remorseful, congenial or spiteful and in doing so, control the very capacity that you have for success.

No, you don’t often think of me instead you BLAME the problem I create on the shortcoming of others, or the state of the economy, or your family or a million other reasons.  Often at times unable to find anyone else to BLAME you look for shortcomings within yourself on which to lay the BLAME.

When my impact on your life fully is considered in your every thought and action, when you are mindful of my awesome power, when you nurture and groom me for positive use in your life, I can become more contagious than the most prolific disease ever witnessed by man.  My influence will spread to every person you come in contact with.

Groomed and nurtured in a positive manner there will be no person or obstacle that can stand in the way of my success or fail to be impacted for the better.

‘I Am Your Attitude’

Author Unknown

~~~

“A positive attitude is a person’s passport to a better tomorrow.”

Jeff Keller

~~~

An older man strode in to his doctors office and said, “Doc, my druggist said to tell you to change my prescription and to check the prescription you’ve been giving to Mrs. Smith.”

“Oh, he did, did he?” the doctor shot back. “And since when does a druggist second guess a doctor’s orders?”

The old man says, “Since he found out I’ve been on birth control pills since December.”

~~~

“I feel the capacity to care is the thing which gives life its deepest significance.”

Pablo Casals

~~~

She said: I have changed my system for labeling homemade freezer meals. I used to carefully note in large clear letters, “Meatloaf” or “Pot Roast” or “Steak and Vegetables or “Chicken and Dumplings” or “Beef Pot Pie.”

However, I used to get very frustrated when I asked my husband what he wanted for dinner because he never asked for any of those things. So, I decided to stock the freezer with what he really likes.

If you look in my freezer now you’ll see a whole new set of labels. You’ll find dinners with neat, legible tags that say: “Whatever,” “Anything,” “I Don’t Know,” “I Don’t Care,” “Something Good,” or “Food.” My frustration is reduced because no matter what my husband replies when I ask him what he wants for dinner, I know that it will be there waiting.

~~~

The best cure for insomnia is plenty of sleep.

W.C. Fields

~~~

Two Jews, one old and one young, travel in a train in old Europe. The young Jew asks the Old Jew: -What time is it?

The old Jew does not answer.

After asking him 25 times, the young Jew seem to give up and asks the old Jew: – Tell me, why don’t you want to tell me what time it is?

The old Jew answers: – Because then you are going to ask me where I am going to and I will have to answer that I am going to Zlabodka to visit my beautiful daughter Lea and you will certainly ask if she is single and I will have to say that she is single and you will certainly ask to meet her for a Shiduch and the last thing I want in my life is my beautiful Lea to marry someone who does not have money even to by himself a watch!

~~~

There is no right way to do a wrong thing.

~~~

The teacher asks her class to give her a sentence about a public servant.

A small boy raises his hand right away, so the teacher calls on him.

“The fireman came down the ladder pregnant,” the boy says.

The teacher immediately took the lad aside to correct him.

“Do you know what pregnant means?” she asks.

“Sure,” replies the boy confidently. “It means ‘carrying a child.’ “

~~~

Laugh alone and the world thinks you’re an idiot.

~~~

The story goes that four ministers had a series of theological arguments, and three were always in accord against the fourth. One day, the odd minister out, after the usual “3 to 1 majority rules” statement that signified that he had lost again, decided to appeal to a *higher* authority.

“Oh, Lord!” he cried. “I know in my heart that I am right and they are wrong! Please give me a sign to prove it to them!” It was a beautiful, sunny day. As soon as the minister finished his prayer, a storm cloud moved across the sky above the four. It rumbled once and dissolved. “A sign from God! See, I’m right, I knew it!” But the other three disagreed, pointing out that storm clouds form on hot days.

So the minister prayed again: “Oh, God, I need a bigger sign to show that I am right and they are wrong. So please, Lord, a bigger sign!” This time four storm clouds appeared, rushed toward each other to form one big cloud, and a bolt of lightning slammed into a tree on a nearby hill.

“I told you I was right!” cried the minister, but his friends insisted that nothing had happened that could not be explained by natural causes.

The minister was getting ready to ask for a *very big* sign, but just as he said, “Oh God…,” the sky turned pitch black, the earth shook, and a deep, booming voice intoned, “HEEEEEEEE’S RIIIIIIIGHT!”

The minister put his hands on his hips, turned to the other three, and said, “Well?!”

“So,” shrugged one of the other ministers, “now it’s 3 to 2.”

~~~

“You’re off to great places, today is your day. Your mountain is waiting, so get on your way.”

Dr. Seuss

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

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