Ray's musings and humor

Don’t forget to weed

Ray’s Daily

December 4, 2019

http://rays-daily.com

Every flower must grow through dirt.

Proverb

weeding

I was thinking about all the small annoyances we run into in our lives. I think the secret to a happy life is not letting the irritations pile up and grow into something that takes us down. Things and people can only annoy us if we let them. I don’t know about you but I am too busy working on enjoying my life to let the small stuff hold me back

These thoughts were triggered by reading the following. It helped me to realize I cannot just ignore the irratations, I need to remove them.

The Weeds in Our Lives

Isn’t it amazing how you never have to water your weeds or nurture them and they still give you an unwanted crop?

I can remember as a young boy growing up in Santa Cruz, California my grandfather showed me how to dig up this pesky weed called Bermuda grass. It was terrible stuff and it would really spread if you didn’t get it out by the roots.

That was then. But more recently when my wife and I bought our first home about 8 years ago; guess what I had to deal with? If you said weeds, you are correct. There was this certain patch of weeds that was similar to the Bermuda grass. In other words, just as invasive.

After getting the inside of our home settled, it was time to work on the outside. On my hands and knees I vigorously attacked the weeds with a small hand trowel getting each one out by the roots. Spring after, spring that was my ritual.

Just this Spring I realized that one particular weed was no longer prevalent but another one was in full force. So again, I got down on my hands and knees and got to work ridding them from my yard. When I was finished, my yard was better off.

What hidden message is this true story purveying? Sometimes our life can be oh so similar. Yes, we all have weeds in our life. These weeds can be challenges, setbacks, negative beliefs, or naysayers, and the list can go on and on.

The solution is when dealing with these weeds of life is to get to the root of it and remove them one by one and eventually you will conquer this round. And when another crop of weeds shows up, deal with them directly before they spread, because now that you know what to do with them by getting to the root of it, it will give you more courage and wisdom the next time a problem crops up.

You could say we all need weeds in our life to challenge us to grow. Once you know how to handle the weeds in your yard to make it beautiful – so too will your life be.

Written by Tony Masiello

~~~

The turning point in the process of growing up is when you discover the core of strength within you that survives all hurt.

Max Lerner

~~~

A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA loan for a client. He was told the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to a parcel of property being offered as collateral. The title to the property dated back to 1803, which took the lawyer three months to track down. After sending the information to the FHA, he received the following reply:

“Upon review of your letter adjoining your client’s loan application, we note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title. While we compliment the able manner in which you have prepared and presented the application, we must point out that you have only cleared title to the proposed collateral proper back to 1803. Before final approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear the title back to its origin.

“Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows:
“Your letter regarding title in Case No. 189156 has been received. I note that you wish to have title extended further than the 194 years covered by the present application. I was unaware that any educated person in this country, particularly those working in the property area, would not know that Louisiana was purchased by the U.S. from France in 1803, the year of origin identified in our application. For the edification of uninformed FHA bureaucrats, the title to the land prior to U.S. ownership was obtained from France, which had acquired it by Right of Conquest from Spain. The land came into possession of Spain by Right of Discovery made in the year 1492 by a sea captain named Christopher Columbus, who had been granted the privilege of seeking a new route to India by the then reigning monarch, Isabella. The good queen, being a pious woman and careful about titles, almost as much as the FHA, took the precaution of securing the blessing of the Pope before she sold her jewels to fund Columbus’ expedition. Now the Pope, as I’m sure you know, is the emissary of Jesus Christ, the Son of God. And God, it is commonly accepted, created this world. Therefore, I believe it is safe to presume that He also made that part of the world called Louisiana. He, therefore, would be the owner of origin. I hope to you find His original claim to be satisfactory.

Now, may we have the lousy loan?

~~~

An optimist sees an opportunity in every calamity; a pessimist sees a calamity in every opportunity.
~~~

Speaking of air travel here are the Dept. of the Ary Regulations for Operation of Aircraft Commencing January 1920

  1. Don’t take the machine into the air unless you are satisfied it will fly.
    2. Never leave the ground with the motor leaking.
    3. Don’t turn sharply when taxiing. Instead of turning sharp, have someone lift the tail around.
    4. In taking off, look at the ground and the air.
    5. Never get out of the machine with the motor running until the pilot relieving you can reach the motor controls.
    6. Pilots should carry hankies in a handy place to wipe off goggles.
    7. Riding on the steps, wings, or rail of the machine is prohibited.
    8. In case the engine fails on takeoff, land straight ahead regardless of obstacles.
    9. No machine must taxi faster than a man can walk.
    10. Never run motor so that blast will blow on other machines.
    11. Learn to gauge altitude, especially on landing.
    12. If you see another machine near you, get out of the way.
    13. No two cadets should ever ride together in the same machine.
    14. Do not trust altitude instruments.
    15. Before you begin a landing glide, see that no machines are under you.
    16. Hedge-hopping will not be tolerated.
    17. No spins on back or tail sides will be indulged in as they unnecessarily strain the machines.
    18. If flying against the wind and you wish to fly with the wind, don’t make a sharp turn near the ground. You may crash.
  2. Motors have been known to stop during a long glide. If pilot wishes to use motor for landing, he should open the throttle.
  3. Don’t attempt to force the machine onto the ground with more than flying speed. The result is bounding and ricocheting.
  4. Pilots will not wear spurs while flying.
    22. Do not use aeronautical gasoline in cars or motorcycles.
    23. You must not take off or land closer than 50 feet to the hanger.
    24. Never take a machine into the air until you are familiar with it’s controls and instruments.
    25. If an emergency occurs while flying, land as soon as possible.

~~~

She said, “a husband is someone who after taking the trash out, gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house.”
~~~

It was mealtime on a small airline and the flight attendant asked the passenger if he would like dinner.
“What are my choices?” he asked.
She replied, “Yes or No.”

~~~

“The brain is a wonderful thing….it starts working the minute you get up and never quits until your boss asks you a question at work…

~~~

This old guy comes into a pub with a dog, and a cat which he placed on top of the piano. The dog climbed up on the piano seat and began to play the piano while the cat sang a number of popular songs.

The drinkers in the pub were amazed and the publican rewarded the old man with a double scotch and said, “That’s a great act.  Have you thought of taking them professional?”

“They are not as good as you think” confessed the old man. “The cat is tone deaf and can’t sing
a note. The dog is a ventriloquist.”

~~~

Remember that setbacks are only challenges in disguise. Look at them as lessons don’t waste time beating yourself up. Just get back on track and focus on what you want. It’s up to you, and you will do it!    

Jorge Cruise

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

Ray’s Daily

December 3, 2019

http://rays-daily.com

“A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.”

Winston Churchill

Be Positive

As you know I am an optimist. I just don’t want to spend my time agonizing over what I can’t change. I will do what I can when my effort may help but I avoid spending too much time tilting windmills.

Life is so much better if you resist the pessimist’s effort to make you unhappy. I am lucky that most of the folks I know have learned to roll with the punches and stay on the bright. Here some helpful thoughts from Henrik Edberg if you need help in join our happy band of optimists.

 How to Become an Optimist: 3 Daily Habits To Help You Get Started

 

One of the most common questions people ask me via email is how to become more of an optimist. So this week I’d simply like to share three habits that can help you to get started with that.

  1. Ask yourself questions that let you see the optimistic viewpoint.

Questions like:

  • What is one thing that is positive or good about this situation?
  • What is one thing I can learn from this situation?
  • What is one opportunity within this situation?

These questions are not something that I can always use right away. Sometimes I need some time to process and accept the feelings and thoughts that arise.

  1. Get optimistic support from the world around you.

One of the most important factors if you want to be able to stay optimistic are the influences around you. Optimism is – just like enthusiasm – contagious. So find ways to create an environment that supports you.

Try to spend more time with optimistic people and less time with people who seem to always be negative about things. Positive people will support you, add upbeat energy and can help you to find a constructive change in perspective when you have a situation that is bringing you down and when you are just making a mountain out of a molehill.

  1. The way you start your day often sets the tone for the rest of it.

A stress-free morning leads to less stress and better focus during your day. A work out early in your day leads to more energy throughout the day.And optimism while you are eating your cereal or traveling to work or school can help you to stay positive and constructive as you go through the ups and downs of your day.

Three practical ways to get this good start is to:Read or watch something optimistic or funny for 10-20 minutes during your morning. Have an uplifting conversation over breakfast or early in your day. Listen to a motivating audiobook or podcast as you ride the bus, your bicycle or while you’re walking somewhere.

~~~

“We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.”

Anais Nin

~~~

Ralph, our Hoosier gourmet reports that some Wal-Mart customers soon will be able to sample a new discount item: Wal-Mart’s own brand of wine. The world’s largest retail chain is teaming up with E&J Gallo Winery of Modesto, California, to produce the spirits at an affordable price, in the $2-5 range.  While wine connoisseurs may not be inclined to throw a bottle of Wal-Mart brand wine into their shopping carts, there is a market for cheap wine, said Kathy Micken, professor of marketing at Roger Williams University in Bristol, R.I.  She said: “The right name is important.”

So, here we go–the top 12 suggested names for Wal-Mart Wine:

  1. Chateau Traileur Parc
  2. White Trashfindel
  3. Big Red Gulp
  4. Grape Expectations
  5. Domaine Wal-Mart “Merde du Pays”
  6. NASCARbernet
  7. Chef Boyardeaux
  8. Peanut Noir
  9. Chateau des Moines
  10. I Can’t Believe It’s Not Vinegar!

 

  1. World Championship Riesling

And the number 1 name for Wal-Mart Wine

  1. Nasti Spumante

The beauty of Wal-Mart wine is that it can be served with white meat (Possum) and red meat (squirrel).

~~~

What if there were no hypothetical questions?

~~~

Our co-worker went missing for a few hours, and we tore up the place looking for him.  The boss finally found him fast asleep.  Rather than wake him, he quietly pinned to the man’s shirt a note saying, “As long as you’re asleep, you still have a job.  But as soon as you wake, you’re fired!”

~~~

Before I can retaliate, does someone first have to taliate?

~~~

Rabbis Levy, Samuel and Kosiner were ‘progressive’ reform rabbis and were talking one day about the recent advances made by their synagogues. Rabbi Levy said, “we’re very modern – we allow mobile phones to be used during services – we even have re-charging points all over the synagogue.”

“Well,” said Rabbi Samuel,” we’ve installed a snack bar at the back of the synagogue for those who feel hungry or thirsty during services – we serve falafel in pita and latkes and new green cucumbers.”

“That’s nothing to what we do, my friends,” said Rabbi Kosiner, “we close our synagogue for the Jewish holidays.”

~~~

A key ring is a handy little gadget that allows you to lose all your keys at once.

~~~

A young man, of 22 years, decided to apply for a job at a new factory being built in a nearby town. He entered the main office, where the receptionist handed him several forms to fill out.

Then she directed him down the hall, to the first office on the right, where he was to be interviewed by the Personnel Officer.

After several minutes of describing and explaining all about the new factory, the Personnel Officer told the young man:

“We need individuals who are totally responsible.”

The young man grinned and responded: “Well, I sure qualify. Everywhere I’ve worked, when something went wrong, I was responsible!”

~~~

The person who spends all of today bragging about what he is going to accomplish tomorrow probably did the very same thing yesterday.

~~~

Jeremiah had heard stories of an amazing family tradition. It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 21st birthdays to the boat club across the lake for their first legal drink.

So when Jeremiah’s 21st came around, he and his pal Dwight took a boat out to the middle of the lake. Jeremiah stepped out of the boat and nearly drowned. Dwight managed to pull him to safety.

Furious and confused, Jeremiah went to see his  grandmother.

“Grandma,” he asked, “it’s my 21st birthday, so why can’t I walk across the lake like my father, his father, and his father before him?”

Granny looked into Jeremiah’s eyes and said, “Because your father, grandfather and great-grandfather were born in January; you were born in July.

~~~

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

~~~

Boarding a military transport plane, I noticed hydraulic fluid pouring from the tail section.

“Excuse me,” I said to a crew member.  “Do you know the aircraft has a leak?”

“Yep,” he said as he continued on his way.

“Aren’t you concerned?”

He shrugged.

“Well,” I asked, “how do you know when you’re out of fluid?”

“When it quits leaking,” he answered.

~~~

“Life is too short to spend your precious time trying to convince a person who wants to live in gloom and doom otherwise. Give lifting that person your best shot, but don’t hang around long enough for his or her bad attitude to pull you down. Instead, surround yourself with optimistic people.”

Zig Ziglar

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

 

Care!

Ray’s Daily

December 2, 2019

http://rays-daily.com

The closest thing to being cared for is to care for someone else.

Carson McCullers

She CaresS

I hope your Thanksgiving Holiday was as good as mine was. Now we begin the Christmas season with hope for the future and goodwill for all.

Mine started on an upbeat when a one-hundred and one-year old fellow resident joined me for dinner on Saturday. This is a special gal who exudes warmth and optimism that I wish we all would emulate. She is capable and independent even though she is somewhat frail. She told me that she does not let unhappiness or IL will get her down. She said she prefers to enjoy what she has and the people she meets.

I wish everyone had a similar attitude. Here is a caring story that I like, I hope you will too.

She gave a homeless woman her boots

Kelly McGuire and her husband Sean were leaving a Bears game in Chicago when she spotted a homeless woman across the street. The woman held a sign reading “I am in need of winter boots and winter clothing items.”

McGuire had a bag of warm clothing with her because she had worn layers for the 30 degree weather, and then took them off while she was eating dinner. She wrote on her Facebook post, “I had everything in that bag that she needed. Shirts, sweatshirts, gloves, scarves, etc.”

After giving her the bag of clothing, McGuire sat down next to the woman and removed her boots, intending to walk to the train in her socks. That’s when the woman stopped her and offered her the old, dirty boots she had been wearing. McGuire wrote, “She, who had nothing, offered me these boots. Her boots. I wore them all the way home.”

Her story received thousands of shares on Facebook and she was invited onto the Ellen Show, where she shared her story again. At the end of the segment, Ellen gave McGuire ten thousand dollars, and instructed her to give a thousand dollars to ten friends, to pay it forward. Then Ellen gave her another ten thousand dollars for herself.

McGuire concluded her Facebook post, “If you have the urge to do something kind for someone, I encourage you to do it.”

~~~

Caring about others, running the risk of feeling, and leaving an impact on people, brings happiness.

Harold Kushn

~~~

Morty arrives home from work and as soon as he sets foot in the house, Sadie is on to him, telling him that their friend Marvin has finally quit smoking. “Imagine that, Morty,” she says, “someone who smoked 3 packs a day for 20 years has stopped smoking all of a sudden. Now that’s what I call will power – something that you definitely don’t have.” But Sadie hadn’t finished. “And that’s not all. I hear that Bernie, that drunken friend of yours, is finally giving up drinking – another example of the kind of will power that you don’t have.”

“OK, Sadie,” said Morty, “you want to see will power, do you? Well here’s will power. I am going to sleep in the spare room from now on. I am going to prove to you that I won’t be affected at all by not sleeping with a woman.”

Morty keeps to his word.

One night, when he had been sleeping alone for a week, there is a knock on his bedroom door.

Morty shouts out, “What do you want?”

Sadie replies, “Marvin has started smoking again.”

~~~

“You cannot discover new oceans unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore.”

~~~

Elvis Presley’s Senior Citizen Song !!!

Are you lonesome tonight,

Does your tummy feel tight?

Did you bring your Malox and Tums?

Does your memory stray,

To that bright sunny day…

When you had all your teeth and your gums?

Is your hairline receding, are your eyes growing dim?

Hysterectomy for her, and its prostate for him.

Does your back give you pain…

Do your knees predict rain?

Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight?

Is your blood pressure up,

Your cholesterol down?

Are you eating your low-fat cuisine?

All that oat bran and fruit,

Metamucil to boot,

Keeps you like a well-oiled machine.

If it’s football, or baseball…he sure knows the score.

Yes, he knows where it’s at…but forgets what it’s for.

So, your gall bladder’s gone, and his gout lingers on.

Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight?

When you’re hungry, he’s not.

When you’re! cold, then he’s hot.

Then you start that old thermostat war.

When you turn out the light, he goes left, you go right.

Then you get his great symphonic snore.

He was once so romantic, and witty and smart.

How’d he turn out to be such a cranky old fart?

So don’t take any bets, this is as good as it gets.

Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight ???

~~~

There are no stupid questions, but there are a lot of inquisitive idiots.

~~~

Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground. The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts. Finally, the female bird turned to her mate. “Dear,” she chirped, “I think it’s time to tell him he’s adopted.”

~~~

Bill:    I love to drive to the seaside and the mountains with my girlfriend. What about you?

Doug:    I love to drive my mother-in-law to the airport.

~~~

During the jury-selection process, the judge asked a prospective juror some questions.

“Have you formed any opinion about the guilt or innocence of the man on trial, Mr. Ferguson?”

“None whatsoever,” Ferguson answered.

“Are you opposed to capital punishment?” the judge asked.

“Certainly not in this case.”

~~~

If women can have PMS, then men can have ESPN.

~~~

A fifth grader looked downcast, so her teacher asked, “What’s the problem, Carol? I hope it’s not homework again.”

“Well, uh, yes, it is.” replied Carol. “I was stupid and made my homework paper into a paper airplane.”

“Carol, you’re right, that wasn’t a very bright thing to do,” said the teacher, “but this once I’ll let you just unfold the paper and hand it in.”

“Oh, but that won’t work,” said Carol, looking even sadder. “You see, the plane was hijacked.”

~~~

Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because it cannot count, criticize, or laugh.

~~~

On New York’s Upper West Side lived an assimilated Jew who was a militant atheist. But he sent his son to Trinity School because, despite its denominational roots, it’s a great school and completely secular.

After a month, the boy comes home and says casually, By the way Dad, do you know what Trinity means? It means the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost.

The father can barely control his rage. He seizes his son by the shoulders and declares, Danny, I’m going to tell you something now and I want you never to forget it. There is only one God. AND we don’t believe in Him!

~~~

Warm weather fosters growth: cold weather destroys it. Thus, a man with an unsympathetic temperament has a scant joy: but a man with a warm and friendly heart overflowing blessings, and his beneficence will extend to posterity.

Hung Tzu-Cheng

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

 

We are grateful

Ray’s Daily

November 27, 2019

http://rays-daily.com

“Thanksgiving is a time of togetherness and gratitude.”

Nigel Hamilton

Thanksgiving

There will be no Daily published until next Monday. We are going to spend time enjoying our Thanksgiving holiday.

Tomorrow is our day of thankfulness in my country. Each year on Thanksgiving Day we join with friends and family to feast and express our appreciation for all we have. Many will also enjoy local events, such as parades, sporting events, festivals and more. We have been invited to enjoy a Thanksgiving lunch with a good friend and his family and tomorrow afternoon we will join with many of our family to enjoy a shared meal.

We have had a few health problems in the past year, we also have adjusted to our move to a senior independent living community. I am thankful that we survived the setbacks and am grateful for how good our lives are these days. In our sixty-six years of marriage I don’t think there has ever been a time when we needed each other more and I am grateful that we still have each other.

Yes, we have much to be thankful for and I am sure you do as well. I am also grateful to so many of you who allow me into your lives each day. So my friends I hope your days will be as good as mine will be, see you next week.

Being Thankful

James T. Atkins

I could list the gifts I’m thankful for and write until next week.

My health, my eyes, my darling wife, granddaughter’s rosy cheeks.

 

Treasured friends, that If I called, would say, “I’m on my way.”

A precious mother, that lucky me, turns eighty-one today.

 

Children I’m so proud of, sisters that make me smile,

little ones that call me Pops; my list could reach for miles.

 

A soldier in some foreign place, assuring liberty for me,

a sunny sky, a frosty morn, a blue-green shimmering sea.

 

I’m thankful that in this land I love, we’re free to disagree,

where we aspire to so much more than mediocrity.

 

I keep this mental list of gifts and add to it each day,

like God’s unique and precious love, whose patience never sways.

 

A similar list, I know you have, so think on that awhile,

and be thankful, friends, that everyday our gifts outweigh our trials.

~~~

“Give thanks not just on Thanksgiving Day, but every day of your life. Appreciate and never take for granted all that you have.”

Catherine Pulsifer

~~~

A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan, in which a man was beaten, robbed and left for dead.

She described the situation in vivid detail so her students would catch the drama. Then she asked the class, “If you saw a person lying on the roadside all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?”

A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, “I think I’d throw up!”

~~~

Views expressed by husbands are not necessarily those of the management.

~~~

A golfer was having trouble lining up a shot. “Please, God, let me make a birdie on this hole,” he said.

A nearby stranger walked up to him and whispered, “If you give up one quarter of your sex life, you will make this shot.”

Figuring it wouldn’t make a big difference, the golfer said “OK.” He made the shot for birdie.

A little while later, he was having trouble on another hole. “Please, let me make this for eagle” he said.

Again, the stranger stepped up to him and said, “If you give up another quarter of your sex life, you will make eagle.”

“OK” the golfer said, and made the shot for eagle.

On the last hole, the golfer needed one shot for eagle to win. The stranger again stepped up and said “If you give up the second half of your sex life, you will make eagle to win.”

“OK,” the golfer said, and made his shot for eagle, winning the round.

As he was walking back to the clubhouse, the stranger walked up beside him and said, “I think I should inform you that I am the Devil, and from now on you will have no sex life.”

The golfer turned to him, smiled, and said, “Nice to meet you, my name is Father O’Malley!”

~~~

Happiness is the delicate balance between what one is and what one has.

– F. H. Denison

~~~

A woman in her late 80s decides to move to Miami. As part of her preparations, she goes to see her doctor to get all of her charts. The doctor asks her how she is doing, and she gives him the litany of complaints: “This hurts,” “That’s stiff,” “I’m tired and slow” and so on.

“You have to expect things to start deteriorating,” the doctor says sympathetically. “After all, who wants to live to 100?”

The woman looks him straight in the eye. “Anyone who’s 99.”

~~~

Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.

~~~

As US tourists in Israel, a man and his wife were sitting outside a Bethlehem souvenir shop, waiting for fellow tourists.  An Arab salesman approached them carrying belts. After an impassioned sales talk yielded no results, he asked where they were from.

“America,” the husband replied.

Looking at her dark hair and olive skin, the Arab responded. “She’s not from the States.”

“Yes I am.” said the wife. He looked at her and asked. “Is he your husband?” “Yes.” she replied.

Turning to the husband, he offered….. “I’ll give you 100 camels for her.” The husband looked stunned, and there was a long silence.  Finally he replied, “she’s not for sale.”

After the salesman left, the somewhat indignant wife asked her husband what took him so long to answer, to which the husband replied, “I was trying to figure out how to get 100 camels back home.”

~~~

For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

~~~

A lady golfer visits a driving range to tone up before a game. She is about to drive her first ball off the mat when she notices the man next to her. “Pardon me, sir” she said. “You are aiming in the wrong direction – back towards the golf shop.”

“Oy! – tanks for dat. Vitout you, I vouldn’t know. I’m blind.”

He then turned around and started hitting out into the range. After a few minutes, he asked the lady how he was doing.

“Not bad.” she answered. “Most of your shots are straight and fairly long. Only a few of them are slicing.”

“Tanks, again, Miss. ” he replied. “Vitout you telling, I vouldn’t know dese tings.”

A few shots later, he inquired again. “Do you mind I should ask a poisonal qvestion?”

“Not at all,” she replied.

“I don’t do vell vit the ladies. Am I ugly or fett?”

“You’re quite presentable,” she replied. “I don’t think that should be a problem.”

Smiling now, he exulted, “Vat a relief. I vas always afraid to ask. Again, I got to tank you.”

He was about to hit another ball when the girl interrupted him. “Do you mind if I give you a bit of advice?” she asked.

“Vit gladness. All the help you got I vill take.” He answered.

“Lose the Jewish accent.” she replied. “You’re Chinese.”

~~~

“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow.”

Melody Beattie

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

 

I appreciate them

Ray’s Daily

November 26, 2019

http://rays-daily.com

Nobody cares how much you know, until they know how much you care.

Theodore Roosevelt

Kindnessx

This Thanksgiving week provides each of us the opportunity to recall the things that we appreciate and the folks that add meaning to our lives. In my case I have lots to appreciate, my family, supportive friends and most of all an understanding wife.

Lately I have been blessed by meeting folks who you would like as much as I do. These are warm people who care for others. They have kindness in common as well as doing what they can for others. I am sure you know others like these people, I hope you let them know how much they are appreciated.

Here is something I found some time ago that is a recipe for how we too can be one of the special good people.

Recipe for forever

Gather all of the ingredients together, so that they are close at hand! Get a clean cloth and wipe the bowl clean of any lingering dust from the past.

Take maturity, respect and friendship, and stir gently.

Add unlimited amounts of compassion and kindness, and mix well.

To this, add caring by the handfuls and fold in trust.

Continue stirring gently, adding listening, honesty, and large amounts of communication.

Slip in some dreams, goals, and firm pieces of keeping promises.

Bake in a home filled with peace, beauty and serenity.

Before you taste the finished product, sprinkle liberally with patience, love, and a touch of spice.

Serve very hot, with imagination on the side.

~~~

Caring about others, running the risk of feeling, and leaving an impact on people, brings happiness.

Harold Kushner

~~~

I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver cut right in front of a pickup truck causing him to have to drive on to the shoulder to avoid hitting her. This evidently angered the driver enough that he hung his arm out his window and flipped the woman off. “Man, that guy is stupid” I thought to myself.

I ALWAYS smile nicely and wave in a sheepish manner whenever a female does anything to me in traffic and here’s why: I drive 48 miles each way every day to work, that’s 96 miles each day. Of these, 16 miles each way is bumper-to-bumper. Most of the bumper-to-bumper is on an 8 lane highway so if you just look at the 7 lanes I am not in, that means I pass something like a new car every 40 feet per lane.

That’s 7 cars every 40 feet for 32 miles. That works out to be 982 cars every mile, or 31,424 cars. Even though the rest of the 32 miles is not bumper to bumper, I figure I pass at least another 4000 cars. That brings the number to something like 36,000 cars I pass every day.

Statistically, half of these are driven by females, that’s 18,000. In any given group of females, 1 in 28 has PMS. That’s 642. According to Cosmopolitan, 70% describe their love life as dissatisfying or unrewarding. That’s 449. According to the National Institute of Health, 22% of all females have seriously considered suicide or homicide. That’s 98. And 34% describe men as their biggest problem. That’s 33.

According to the National Rifle Association 5% of all females carry weapons and this number is increasing. That means that EVERY SINGLE DAY, I drive past at least one female that has a lousy love life, thinks men are her biggest problem, has seriously considered suicide or homicide, has PMS, and is armed. Flip one off?

I think not.

~~~

Just think, if it weren’t for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

~~~

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, “I clocked you at 80 mile per hour, sir.”

The driver says, “Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar needs calibrating.”

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says sweetly from the passenger seat, “Now don’t be silly, dear, you know that this car doesn’t have cruise control.”

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, “Can’t you keep your mouth shut for once?”

The wife smiles demurely and says, “You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did.” As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, “Damn it, woman, can’t you keep your mouth

shut?!”

The officer frowns and says, “And I notice that you’re not wearing your seat belt, sir. That ‘s an automatic $75 fine.”

The driver says, “Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but I took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket.” The wife says, “Now, dear, you know very well that you didn’t have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you’re driving.”

As the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, “WHY DON’T YOU SHUT THE HELL UP?!”

The officer looks over at the woman and asks, “Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma’am ?”

“Oh, heavens no, officer. Only when he’s been drinking…”

So just don’t do it! Keep your Holiday Season safe! Ray

~~~

I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months – I don’t like to interrupt her.

~~~

In the men’s room at work, the boss placed a sign directly above the sink. It had a single word on it: “Think!”

The next day, when he went to the men’s room, he looked at the sign, and right below it, immediately above the soap dispenser, someone had carefully lettered another sign which read, “Thoap!”

~~~

“There was a robbery in Atlantic City at one of Donald Trump’s casinos. Thieves got away with $8 million dollars in debt.”

David Letterman

~~~

Bernard, who is noted for his gracious manners, was awakened one morning at four forty four a.m. by his ringing telephone . . . “Your dog’s barking, and it’s keeping me awake,” said an angry voice.  Bernard thanked the caller and politely asked his name and number before hanging up.

The next morning, at precisely four forty four a.m., Bernard called his neighbor back . . . “Good morning, Mr. Williams. I just called to tell you that I don’t HAVE a dog.”

~~~

We have to believe in free will.  We have no choice.

~~~

His lawyer is standing before the family and reads out Morris’ Last Will and Testament.

“To my dear wife Esther, I leave the house, 150 acres of land, and 1 million dollars.

To my son Barry, I leave my Big Lexus and the new Jaguar.

To my daughter Shirley, I leave my yacht and $250,000.

And to my brother-in-law Aaron, who always insisted that health is better than wealth, I leave my treadmill.”

~~~

The eyes are the second thing to go. I forget the first …

~~~

He said, one Sunday morning when my son, David, was about 5, we were attending a church in our community. It was common for the preacher to invite the children to the front of the church and have a small lesson before beginning the sermon.  He would bring in an item they could find around the house and relate it to a teaching from the Bible.

This particular morning, the visual aid for his lesson was a smoke detector.  He asked the children if anyone knew what it meant when an alarm sounded from the smoke detector.

My child immediately raised his hand and said, “It means Daddy’s cooking dinner.”

~~~

Beginning today, treat everyone you meet as if they were going to be dead by midnight. Extend to them all the care, kindness and understanding you can muster, and do it with no thought of any reward. Your life will never be the same again.

Og Mandino

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

 

Let’s get it right

Ray’s Daily

November 25, 2019

http://rays-daily.com

Good things happen when you get your priorities straight.

Scott Caan

priority

We begin what will be a busy week for us who live in the USA. You see this Thursday is our nation’s Thanksgiving Day, a national holiday. We call the next day Black Friday since retailers all over will offer deep discounts on all kinds of items drawing in thousands of bargain hunters. It is a week when millions of travelers will clog our highways and streets as they travel to family gatherings and then travel in search of super low prices.

One of the good things in my life these days is the absence of an automobile, no car, no traffic jams. I will be having Thanksgiving lunch with fellow residents here at the Forum and then will be transported to another Thanksgiving feast with my family on Thursday.

It seems like all my days are busy lately. My wife’s needs are my first priority, but I also have some mandatory obligations and things I would like to do. I often find I have not managed my time well enough to fit it all in, but I am doing better.

Recently Marc Chernoff shared his thoughts on what we need to do to get done what we really want done. Here is what he wrote.

Reminders to Focus on What Matters Most

The solution to our time-wasting tendencies is a long-term practice. It is to ritualistically raise our awareness of how we presently manage – and waste – our time. And that’s exactly what the seven mantras below (which are excerpts from our books and blog archive) are designed to do – they will compel you to steal your time back from those recurring time-wasting tendencies you’ve grown accustomed to.

  • Anytime you catch yourself wasting time for the sake of wasting it, remember…The quality of your life in the long run directly depends upon how you set and respect your priorities today.
  • At times, you have to say “no” to good things to be able to say “yes” to important things. You can’t do it all. Be mindful and choose wisely.
  • “I don’t have time,” is really just another, perhaps politer, or perhaps naive, way of saying, “It is not that important to me.”
  • Don’t waste your time and energy fighting against where you are. Invest your time and energy into getting to where you want to go. And even if you have a good reason to be upset and resentful, let it go. Channel your energy into thoughts and actions that actually benefit your life right now.
  • Be present with what matters most. There are few joys in life that equal a good conversation, a good story, a good laugh, a good hug, or a good friend.
  • Overcommitting is the biggest mistake most people make against living a happier, simpler life. It’s tempting to fill in every waking minute of the day with to-do list tasks or distractions. Don’t do this to yourself. Leave space.

~~~

Most of us spend too much time on what is urgent and not enough time on what is important.

Stephen R. Covey

~~~

A first grade teacher collected well-known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It’s hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. Their insight may surprise you. While reading these keep in mind that these are first graders…..6-year-olds, because the last one is classic!

  1. Better to be safe than………………. punch a 5th grader.
  2. Strike while the……………………. bug is close.
  3. It’s always darkest before……………… Daylight Saving Time.
  4. Never underestimate the power of………… termites.
  5. You can lead a horse to water but……….. how?
  6. Don’t bite the hand that………………. looks dirty.
  7. No news is…………………….. impossible.
  8. A miss is as good as a…………………. Mr.
  9. You can’t teach an old dog new…………..math.
  10. If you lie down with dogs, you’ll……… stink in the morning.
  11. Love all, trust………………………..me.
  12. The pen is mightier than the……………. pigs.
  13. An idle mind is……………..the best way to relax.
  14. Where there’s smoke there’s…………….. pollution.
  15. Happy the bride who………………….. gets all the presents.
  16. A penny saved is……………………..not much.
  17. Two’s company, three’s…………….the Musketeers.
  18. Don’t put off till tomorrow what………. you put on to go to bed.
  19. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and………you have to blow your nose.
  20. There are none so blind as………….. Stevie Wonder.
  21. Children should be seen and not…………. spanked or grounded.
  22. If at first you don’t succeed…………. get new batteries.
  23. You get out of something only what you…….see in the picture on the box.
  24. When the blind leadeth the blind………. get out of the way.

And the favorite:

  1. Better late than……………………..pregnant!!!!

~~~~

We must constantly build dykes of courage to hold back the flood of fear.

–  Martin Luther King, Jr.

~~~

An attorney was sitting in his office late one night, when the Devil appeared before him.

The Devil said to the lawyer, “I have a proposition for you. You can win every case you try, for the rest of your life. Your clients will adore you, your colleagues will stand in awe of you, and you will make embarrassing sums of money. All I want in exchange is your soul, your wife’s soul, your children’s souls, the souls of your parents, grandparents, and parents-in-law, and the souls of all of your friends and law partners.”

The lawyer thought about this for a moment, then asked,

“So, what’s the catch?”

~~~

If these walls could talk, they’d probably say, “No!  Not the nails again! Not the hammer!  NOT THE HAMMER!!!!”

Jennifer A. Ford

~~~

On New Year’s Eve, Judy stood up at the local pub and said that it was time to get ready.  At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living.

Well, it was kind of embarrassing. The bartender was almost crushed to death.

~~~

“No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.”

~ Aesop

~~~

When a blonde finally got married her husband bought her one of those fancy, electric coffee makers. It had all the latest gadgets on it. Salesman Riley carefully explained how everything worked, how to plug it in, set the timer, go back to bed, “…and upon rising the coffee is ready!” A few weeks later the blonde wife was back in the store and Riley asked her how she liked the coffee maker. “Wonderful!” she replied, “However, there’s one thing I don’t understand. Why do I have to go to bed every time I want to make a pot of coffee?”

~~~

Diplomat: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

~~~

The elderly husband and wife, both a little hard of hearing, were watching golf on TV. The husband turned to his wife of some 50 years and said, “In my next life, I’m going to be rich and play all those beautiful golf courses with their great bars and dining and dancing areas.” The wife quickly responded, “How will you be able to manage all that with your bad legs? You can barely walk!” “I said, ‘..in my next life…,'” the husband replied.

“Oh,” she said. I thought you said, ‘..with my next wife…'”

~~~

I learned that we can do anything, but we can’t do everything… at least not at the same time. So think of your priorities not in terms of what activities you do, but when you do them. Timing is everything.

Dan Millman

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

 

Stay Strong

Ray’s Daily

November 22, 2019

http://rays-daily.com

Life Shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.

Anais Nin

courage

It has been a busy couple of days with more to do toda6. So my friend I am going back fourteen years to see what my world looked likwe then.

Ray’s Daily first published November 22, 2005

~~~

I am constantly impressed by how so many people I meet are able to overcome adversity, their fears, and what would be roadblocks for others. Job loss, major illness, family problems, and many other things drive too many people to resignation or desperation. But in my experience, there are many who exhibit the courage needed to rise above the problems that life puts in their path.

I have many new friends who have to make a career change in their middle years. I get periodic medical treatments alongside patients who are getting chemo treatments for a grave disease. I know people who have lost everything they owned. Each of these events take way too many of us down. We either give up or lash out in anger, trying to find someone or something to blame. The magnificent people I am fortunate to meet who are facing great adversity reach down and find the strength to rise above their problems. As often as not they are the first to come to the aid of someone else. In my mind they are all champions.

Each of us are challenged sometime in our lives, often we are frightened and do not know how we will be able to cope, and yet we do. We may not get medals for our bravery, but it is our courage under fire that provides us the opportunity to get up and get back in the game. I continue to be inspired by the strength exhibited by so many people I meet. Sometimes they may need us to let them know they can do it. And when we are the ones that are suffering I hope we have the courage to do as well as these heroes.

~~~

It takes strength to be firm. It takes courage to be gentle.

It takes strength to stand guard. It takes courage to let down your guard

It takes strength to conquer. It takes courage to surrender.

It takes strength to be certain. It takes courage to have doubt.

It takes strength to fit in. It takes courage to stand out.

It takes strength to feel a friend’s pain. It takes courage to feel your own pain.

It takes strength to hide your own pains. It takes courage to show them.

It takes strength to endure abuse. It takes courage to stop it.

It takes strength to stand alone. It takes courage to lean on another.

It takes strength to love. It takes courage to be loved.

It takes strength to survive. It takes courage to live.

                             Author Unknown

~~~

A husband and wife both talked in their sleep. She loved going to auctions and his hobby was golf. One night, during a deep sleep, the man yells, “Fore!”

His wife yells back, “Four-fifty!”

~~~

Can you be frequent infrequently?

~~~

PETER MARSHALL’S LIST OF FAVORITE ANSWERS FROM “HOLLYWOOD SQUARES”

According to Movie Life magazine, Ann-Margaret would like to start having babies soon, but her husband wants her to wait a while. Why?   – PAUL LYNDE:  He’s out of town.

Dennis Weaver, Debbie Reynolds, and Shelley Winters star in the movie “What’s The Matter With Helen?”  Who plays Helen? CHARLEY WEAVER:  Dennis Weaver–that’s why they asked the question.

James Stewart did it over twenty years ago when he was forty-one years old. Now he says it was “one of the best things I ever did. What was it? – MARTY ALLEN:  Rhonda Fleming.

Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?   – CHARLEY WEAVER:  His feet.

Before a cow will give you any milk, she has to have something very important.  What?   – PAUL LYNDE:  An engagement ring.

According to Robert Mitchum, one thing has ruined more actors than drinking.  What?   – CHARLEY WEAVER:  Not drinking.

When the Lone Ranger finished with a case, he left something behind. What?   – PAUL LYNDE:  A masked baby.

If you’re going to make a parachute jump, you should be at least how high?   – CHARLEY WEAVER:  Three days of steady drinking should do it.

Do female frogs croak? – PAUL LYNDE:  If you hold their little heads under water.

According to psychologists, when a child begins to get curious about sex, what is the one question he will most ask his mommy and daddy?   – PAUL LYNDE:  Where can I get some?

Why do the Hell’s Angels wear leather?   – PAUL LYNDE:  Because chiffon wrinkles so easily.

~~~

Don’t cry because it’s over: smile because it happened.

~~~

The stockbroker received notice from the IRS that he was being audited. He showed up at the appointed time and place with all his financial records, then sat for what seemed like hours as the accountant pored over them.

Finally the IRS agent looked up and commented, “You must have been a tremendous fan of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.”

“Why would you say that?” wondered the broker.

“Because you’ve made more brilliant deductions on your last three returns than Sherlock Holmes made in his entire career…”

~~~

“Civilization is just a slow process of learning to be kind.”

~~~

A woman was on the witness stand, accused of poisoning her husband.

“After you put poison in the coffee, you sat at the breakfast table and  watched your husband drink it. Tell me, didn’t you feel the slightest bit of pity for him?” the defense attorney prompted.

“Yes,” she replied, “I think there was one moment when I felt sorry for him.”

“And when was that?”

“When he asked for his second cup.”

~~~

A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

~~~

Homeland Security Director Michael Chertoff announced his plans to expel every illegal immigrant in this country.

This policy has a lot of illegal immigrants panicking.

Though not as much as Americans when they find out they have to clean their own houses, cut their own lawns and take care of their own kids. Then you’ll see panicking! –

~~~

“On our anniversary, I told my husband, “I know I married you for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, but I’ve changed my mind. I’m ready now for better and richer.”

~~~

Bernie took his wife Sadie to see a psychiatrist for a check up.

After examining her, the doctor took Bernie to one side and said, “I have some very bad news for you. There is nothing I can do to help your wife. Her mind has completely gone.”

“I’m not really surprised,” Bernie replied, “Sadie’s been giving me a piece of it every day for the last 50 years.”

~~~

History has demonstrated that the most notable winners usually encountered heartbreaking obstacles before they triumphed. They won because they refused to become discouraged by their defeats.

  • B. C. Forbes

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

 

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