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Happy Birthday Nancy

Ray’s Daily

August 16, 2022

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Count your age by friends, not years. Count your life by smiles, not tears.

John Lennon

Today is my wife’s birthday and a day with an early moring Doctor appointment so I will sendanother Daily reprinted from yester year.

Reprint of Ray’s Daily published on August 16, 2004

Some this and that:

  • Popular music icon Elvis Presley died in Memphis, Tennessee on this day in 1977. He was 42. My wife was born in Havana on this day in a year that will remain unknown.
  • It is also Klondike Gold Discovery Day, and no, my wife was not there at the time thank you.
  • Yesterday was Sunday, a day of rest for many of us, I often forget what day it is and I rest then too.
  • OK; I have not heard from some of you in countries outside the US for awhile. You know when I don’t hear I worry, so write today!
  • During the last few weeks I have been getting a number of requests from people who have asked to be added to our daily mailing list. Some have been people who have had the daily forwarded to them by a friend; other requests have come from one of you. As always I am glad to add your friends, that way you won’t have to resend every day.

~~~

I write entirely to find out what I’m thinking, what I’m looking at, what I see and what it means.

Joan Didion

~~~

A man drives to a gas station and has his tank filled up. While doing this the clerk spots two penguins sitting on the back seat of the car. He asks the driver, “What’s up with the penguins in the back seat?”

The man in the car says, “I found them.  I asked myself what to do with them but, I haven’t a clue.”

The clerk ponders a bit then says, “You should take them to the zoo.”

“Yeah, that’s a good idea,” says the man in the car and drives away.

The next day the man with the car is back at the same gas station. The clerk sees the penguins are still in the back seat of the car.

“Hey, they’re still here! I thought you were going to take them to the zoo!”

“Oh, I did,” says the driver, “and we had a swell time. Today I’m taking them to the beach.”

~~~

Arbitrator: A cook that leaves Arby’s to work at McDonald’s,

~~~

There is a story about a monastery perched high on a cliff several hundred feet in the air. The only way to reach the monastery was to be suspended in a basket which was pulled to the top by several monks who pulled and tugged with all their strength. Obviously the ride up the steep cliff in that basket was terrifying.

One tourist got exceedingly nervous about half-way up as he noticed that the rope by which he was suspended was old and frayed. With trembling voice, he asked the monk who was riding with him in the basket how often they changed the rope.

The monk thought for a moment and answered brusquely, “Whenever it breaks.”

~~~

The big thing today is computer dating. If you don’t know how to run a computer it really dates you.

~~~

It was the usual muddy day in the country. Our first grade teacher, Miss Brown, had just finished putting the 36th boot on the 18th pair of little feet and was anxious to finish the last pair so she could go to lunch.

The last pair of boots was for little Johnny Smith, a quiet boy. Miss Brown had a very difficult time getting his boots on as they were a bit too small for his growing feet, but she finally won the battle.

To her dismay, little Johnny looked blandly up into her face and announced, “Teacher, these boots aren’t mine.” In a hurry, but wanting to be kind, Miss Brown groaned, but with grim gentleness removed the boots and straightened her aching back.

Whereupon Johnny continued, “They’re my little brother’s, but Mommy said I could wear them to school today.”

~~~

“The word ‘aerobics’ came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we’re going to charge $10 an hour, we can’t call it ‘Jumping up and down.'”

Rita Rudner.

~~~

At one game, a lady kept up a steady flow of threats at the umpire. No matter what was happening on the field, she kept yelling, “Kill the umpire! Kill the umpire!” This went on for an hour. Another patron said, “Lady, the umpire hasn’t done anything wrong.”

The woman said, “He’s my husband and he came home last night with lipstick on his collar! Kill the umpire!!”

~~~

“When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.” Stanislaw J. Lec

~~~

There was a nice lady, a minister’s widow, who was a little old fashioned. She was planning a week’s vacation in California at a campground, but she wanted to make sure of the accommodations first. Uppermost in her mind were bathroom facilities, but she couldn’t bring herself to write “toilet” in a letter. After considerable deliberation, she settled on “bathroom commode,” but when she wrote that down, it still sounded too forward, so, after the first page of her letter, she referred to the bathroom commode as “BC.”

“Does the cabin where I will be staying have its own ‘BC’? If not, where is the ‘BC’ located?” is what she actually wrote.

The campground owner took the first page of the letter and the lady’s check and gave it to his secretary. He put the remainder of the letter on the desk of the senior member of his staff without noticing that the staffer would have no way of knowing what “BC” meant. Then the owner went off to town to run some errands.

The staff member came in after lunch, found the letter, and was baffled by the euphemism, so he showed the letter around to several counselors, but they couldn’t decipher it either. The staff member’s wife, who knew that the lady was the widow of a famous Baptist preacher, was sure that it must be a question about the local Baptist Church. “Of course,” the first staffer exclaimed, “‘BC’ stands for ‘Baptist Church.’ ” And he sat down and wrote:

Dear Madam,

I regret very much the delay in answering your letter, but I now take the pleasure in informing you that the BC is located nine miles north of the campground and is capable of seating 250 people at one time. I admit it is quite a distance away if you are in the habit of going regularly, but no doubt you will be pleased to know that a great number of people take their lunches along and make a day of it. They usually arrive early and stay late.

The last time my wife and I went was six years ago, and it was so crowded we had to stand up the whole time we were there. It may interest you to know that right now there is a supper planned to raise money to buy more seats. They are going to hold it in the basement of the ‘BC.’

I would like to say that it pains me very much not to be able to go more regularly, but it is surely no lack of desire on my part. As we grow older, it seems to be more of an effort, particularly in cold weather.

If you decide to come down to our campground, perhaps I could go with you the first time, sit with you, and introduce you to all the folks.

Remember, this is a friendly community.”

~~~

Two women were at a bar. One looked at the other and said, “You know, 80 percent of all men think the best way to end an argument is to make love.”

“Well,” said the other woman,” that will certainly revolutionize the game of hockey!”

~~~

In Mesa, AZ, police arrested a 71 year-old woman for running an amphetamine lab from a retirement home. The staff became suspicious when several of the residents were seen staying up after 7:30 pm.

~~~

“Every heart that has beat strong and cheerfully has left a hopeful impulse behind in the world, and bettered the tradition of mankind.”

Robert Louis Stevenson

 ~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

It is going to be a good week

Ray’s Daily

August 15, 2022

http://rays-daily.com

“Happiness doesn’t have to be chased…it merely has to be chosen.”

Mandy Hale

This is going to be a great week for me. Tomorrow is my wife’s birthday, her 90th, even though we have been married 69 years I always remain a few years younger than she is. I am grateful for our years together and all she has done for me and our children.

Later in the week I will be joining friends at local restaurants for food and fellowship, two of my favorite things.

All in all it will be a happy week in part because I always chose happiness. Here is a piece I abridged that offers us the road to a happy life.

How to Be Happy: 8 Ways to Be Happier Today

1. Choose happiness – The most important thing to realize about happiness is that it is not an outcome of current circumstances. Just the opposite, happiness is a choice. Is this easier on some days than others? Absolutely. But if you get caught in the trap of thinking your circumstances need to change before you can be happy, you’ll never, ever get there.

2. Focus on the good – Happiness is about perspective and if you’re looking for reasons to be happy, you’ll probably find them. Happy people focus on positive thoughts.

3.  Stop comparing – Be grateful for what you have, appreciate who you are, work hard every day to live your best life, and stop comparing yourself to others.

4. Practice gratitude and generosity – In the world of positive psychology, there are a few themes that emerge every time happiness is studied. Among those recurring themes, we find gratitude and generosity. Choose to be thankful today. And choose to be generous with your time and money. Making them both a discipline in your life will result in a happier today… and tomorrow.

5. Don’t pursue physical possessions – Possessions are necessary for life, but our society has seemed to confuse consumerism with happiness. Marketers work hard to convince us their products are not just needed for life, but that they are essential for happiness.

These excess possessions add stress, worry, and burden onto our lives. Want to become a bit more happy today? Go declutter a closet or drawer and start to challenge consumerism in your life.

6. Be present in your relationships – Close relationships, more than money or fame, are what keep people happy throughout their lives. Those ties protect people from life’s discontents, help to delay mental and physical decline, and are better predictors of long and happy lives than social class, IQ, or even genes.

7. Develop healthy habits – Spend time outside. Eat healthy. Exercise regularly. Quit smoking. Put down your cell phone. Obsess less. Work hard. Pray often. And get enough sleep.

8. Look outside yourself – The most efficient pathway to lasting happiness and fulfillment is not to look only at your own interests, but also to the interests of others. When we shift our focus off of ourselves, we live lives of greater meaning and greater contribution. When we serve others without concern over what we might receive in return, we experience the beauty of selfless love. The size of our universe (and happiness) begins to expand exponentially.

JOSHUA BECKER

~~~

“Being happy is something that each of us determines, it is not something that we find outside of yourself, it is within us and our choice.”

Catherine Pulsifer

~~~

Mary was having a tough day and had stretched herself out on the couch to do a bit of what she thought to be well-deserved complaining and self-pitying. She moaned to her mom and brother, “Nobody loves me.  The whole world hates me!”

Her brother, busily occupied playing a game, hardly looked up at her and passed on this encouraging word: “That’s not true, Mary. Lots of people don’t even know you.”

~~~

The boss said “I didn’t say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame it on you.”

~~~

The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. However, the French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. Meanwhile, the Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans while the Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

Conclusion: Eat and drink what you like. Apparently, speaking English is what kills you.

~~~

“There are 10 kinds of people: those who understand binary and those who don’t.”

~~~

This woman’s husband dies and she has only $20,000 to her name. After everything is done at the funeral home and cemetery, she tells her closest friend that she has no money left. The friend says, “How can that be? You told me you still had $20,000 left just a few days before your husband died. How could you be broke?”

The widow says, “Well, the funeral home cost me $5,000. And of course I had to make the obligatory donation to the temple, so that was another $5,000. The rest went for the memorial stone.”

The friend says, “$10,000 for the memorial stone? My goodness, how big was it?”

Extending her left hand, the widow says, “Three carats.”

~~~

Middle age is a time when it takes longer to rest than it does to get tired

~~~

A boss tells his new employee, “I’ll give you 18 bucks an hour starting today, and in three months I’ll raise it to 30 bucks an hour. When would you like to start?”

The employee replies, “How’s three months?”

~~~

“A man may be a fool and not know it, but not if he is married.”

H.L. Mencken

~~~

As a young married couple, a husband and a wife lived in a cheap housing complex near the base where he was working. Their chief complaint was that the walls were paper-thin and that they had no privacy. This was painfully obvious when one morning the husband was upstairs and the wife was downstairs on the telephone. She was interrupted by the doorbell and went to greet her neighbor.

“Give this to your husband,” he said thrusting a roll of toilet paper into her hands. “He’s been yelling for it for 15 minutes!”

~~~

“Be happy with being you. Love your flaws. Own your quirks. And know that you are just as perfect as anyone else, exactly as you are.”

Ariana Grande

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

What do you see?

Ray’s Daily

August 12, 2022

http://rays-daily.com

A man sees in the world what he carries in his heart.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Do you like what you see? So much of what we see is determined by our attitude and outlook. Today I want to share a poem that reminds us that what we see depends on our attitude

Our Mind

Poet: Julie Hebert

Our mind is a gateway to what’s good and bad,

It just takes us to show it, its way.

If we choose to be happy and see things not crappy,

We’re sure that our lives will obey.

If we always worry or expect the worst,

You’ll soon see that life will follow.

So in order to make sure that life will be grand,

We must make sure our attitude is easy to swallow.

Think big, not small, rise, don’t fall,

And everything will go your way.

But if you find yourself negatively thinking,

You may just need a replay.

So kick off your boots and remember your roots,

And decide how you want to be.

If you want to be happy and think positively,

then remind yourself of what you will see!

~~~

I am not a product of my circumstances. I am a product of my decisions.

Stephen Covey

~~~

Here are some of the best Norm Peterson quotes from “Cheers”:

“What’s shaking, Norm?” “All four cheeks & a couple of chins.”

“What’s new, Normie?” “Terrorists, Sam. They’ve taken over my stomach & they’re demanding beer.”

“What’d you like, Normie?” “A reason to live. Give me another beer.”

“What’ll you have, Normie?” “Well, I’m in a gambling mood Sammy. I’ll take a glass of whatever comes out of the tap.” “Looks like beer, Norm.” “Call me Mister Lucky.”

“Hey Norm, how’s the world been treating you?” “Like a baby treats a diaper.”

“Hey Mr. Peterson, there’s a cold one waiting for you.” “I know, if she calls, I’m not here.”

“What’s going on, Mr. Peterson?” “A flashing sign in my gut that says, ‘Insert beer here.'”

“Whatcha up to, Norm?” “My ideal weight if I were eleven feet tall.”

“How’s it going, Mr. Peterson?” “Poor.” “I’m sorry to hear that.” “No, I mean pour.”

“What’s going down, Normie?” “My butt cheeks on that bar stool.”

“Pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson?” “Alright, but stop me at one….make that one-thirty.”

“How’s it going, Mr. Peterson?” “It’s a dog eat dog world, Woody & I’m wearing Milk Bone underwear.”

“What’s the story, Norm?” “Boy meets beer. Boy drinks beer. Boy meets another beer.”

“Can I pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson?” “A little early, isn’t it, Woody?” “For a beer?” “No, for stupid questions.”

~~~

“Law of Volunteer Labor” People are always available for work in the past tense.

~~~

A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams. Now what should he do?  

His mother had an idea: “Why don’t you send her flowers, and on the card invite her to your apartment for a home cooked meal?”  

He thought this was a great strategy, and a week later, the woman came to dinner. His mother called the next day to see how things had gone.  

“I was totally humiliated,” he moaned. “She insisted on washing the dishes.”  

“What’s wrong with that?” asked his mother. “I think it’s a wonderful gesture.”  

“We hadn’t started eating yet.”  

~~~

“Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at them.”

Jimmy DeMaret

~~~

Lil’ Johnny’s mother asked him what he would like for his birthday. “I’d like a little brother,” he replied.

“Oh my, that’s such a big wish,” said the mother. “Why do you want a little brother?”

“Well,” responded Lil’ Johnny, “there’s only so much I can blame on the dog.”

~~~

I used to eat a lot of natural foods, until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

~~~

An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day’s route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened.

She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn’t get out of her room. “You can’t get out of your room?” the captain asked, “Why not?” The stewardess replied: “There are only three doors in here,” she sobbed, “one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says ‘Do Not Disturb’!”

~~~

If I begin to procrastinate today instead of tomorrow, would that be considered self-improvement?

~~~

After the birth of their child, an Episcopal priest, wearing his clerical collar, visited his wife in the hospital. He greeted her with a hug and a kiss, and gave her another hug and kiss when he left.

Later, the wife’s roommate commented, “Your pastor is sure friendlier than mine.”

~~~

“He has the attention span of a lightning bolt.”

Robert Redford

~~~

Sue:  Mary, what exactly is an “oxymoron”?

Mary:  It’s a phrase made up of contradictory terms, like “deafening silence.”

Sue:  Oh, I get it.  Like “Mr. Perfect”!

~~~

You cannot have a positive life and a negative mind.

Joyce Meyer

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

It it up to you

Ray’s Daily

August 11, 2022

http://rays-daily.com

“Life is what we make it, always has been, always will be.”

Grandma Moses

As you know I always look for happiness. It is not always as easyas it sounds but the effort is worth it.

Here are more of Angel Chernoffs thoughts to help along the way.

4 Hard Daily Choices that Make You Happier in the End

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: YOU need to do HARD things to be HAPPY in life. Because the hard things ultimately build you up and change your life.

And strengthening the MIND is the hardest thing you need to do for yourself . . .

But it doesn’t have to be that way. You have a choice today:

•         You can choose to be present when it would be easier to pick up your phone.

•         You can choose to do a workout when it would be more comfortable to sit around.

•         You can choose to create something special when it would be quicker to consume something mediocre.

•         You can choose to invest in yourself when it would take less effort to procrastinate.

You can PROVE TO YOURSELF that you have the guts to get in the ring and wrestle with life.

Mental strength is built through lots of small, daily victories. It’s the individual choices we make day-to-day that build our “mental strength” muscles. We all want this kind of strength, but we can’t wish our way to it. If you want it, you have to create positive daily rituals—MIND-STRENGTHENING RITUALS—in your life that reinforce what you desire . . .

~~~

“Every moment is a fresh beginning.”

T.S. Eliot

~~~

A husband visited a marriage counselor and said, “When we were first married, I would come home from the office, my wife would bring my slippers and our cute little dog would run around barking. Now after ten years it’s all different. I come home, the dog brings the slippers and my wife runs around barking.”

“Why complain?” said the counselor, “You’re still getting the same service.”

~~~

Those who can, do.  Those who can do more, volunteer.

~~~

She said: In this life I’m a woman. In my next life, I’d like to come back as a bear. When you’re a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could deal with that.

Before you hibernate, you’re supposed to eat yourself stupid. I could deal with that, too.

When you’re a girl bear, you birth your children (who are the size of walnuts) while you’re sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute cuddly cubs. I could definitely deal with that.

If you’re a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too. I could deal with that.

If you’re a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling. He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat.

Yup… gonna be a bear.

~~~

It’s easy to make a buck, but hard to make a difference.

Tom Brokaw

~~~

A nervous taxpayer was unhappily conversing with the IRS Tax auditor who had come to review his records.

At one point the auditor exclaimed, “Mr. Carr, we feel it is a great privilege to be allowed to live and work in the USA.  As a citizen you have an obligation to pay taxes, and we expect you to eagerly pay them with a smile.”

“Thank goodness,” returned Mr. Carr, with a giant grin on his face from ear to ear, “I thought you were going to want me to pay with cash.”

~~~

Volunteers don’t get paid, not because they’re worthless, but because they’re priceless.

Sherry Anderson

~~~

A girl went over to her friend and said, “I hear you broke off your engagement to Bob. Why?”

“It’s just that my feelings towards him aren’t the same any more.”

“Are you returning his diamond ring?”

“No way! My feelings towards the ring haven’t changed a bit!”

~~~

The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.

Samuel Johnson

~~~

Some race horses staying in a stable. One of them starts to boast about his track record. “In the last 16 races, I’ve won 8 of them!”

Another horse breaks in, “Well in the last 27 races, I’ve won 20!!”

“Oh that’s good, but in the last 37 races, I’ve won 29!” says another, flicking his tail.

At this point, they notice that a greyhound dog has been sitting there listening.

“I don’t mean to boast,” says the greyhound, “but in my last 91 races, I’ve won 89 of them!”

The horses are clearly amazed. “Wowwwww!” says one, after a hushed silence.

“A talking dog.”

~~~

Volunteers do not necessarily have the time; they just have the heart.

Elizabeth Andrew

~~~

Suzanne went over to visit one of her friends. While she was at her friend’s house a severe thunderstorm rolled in. Her friend told her to spend the night at her house and go home the next day.

When she heard this, Suzanne rushed out the door then came back a while later totally drenched and carrying a small shopping bag.

So her friend asked, “Where did you run off to?”

Suzanne brushed the wet hair from her face and replied, “I went home to get my pajamas!”

~~~

“Don’t limit yourself. Many people limit themselves to what they think they can do. You can go as far as your mind lets you. What you believe, remember, you can achieve.”

Mary Kay Ash

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Do Unto Others

Ray’s Daily

August 10, 2022

http://rays-daily.com

Practicing the Golden Rule is not a sacrifice, it’s an investment.

Byllye Avery

Reprint: Ray’s Daily from August 10, 2004

I don’t know many people, no matter what their religion, that don’t pay lip-service to the golden rule. Yet many of these same people will jump positions in line, enjoy benefiting from another’s mistake, or do everything in their power to take advantage of others. Have you noticed it is these same people who spend their lives complaining about others? You would think they would learn that when you forsake the golden rule others will often respond by treating you just as you treat others. They often have few real friends and miss so much in life. It is not a case of the meek inheriting the earth, but rather a case of good people caring for others and truly enjoying life. So I will continue to wait my turn in line, return the coins when someone gives me too much change, and do what I can to help those who need it. The alternative just does not provide any reward.

Here are some “Ethic of Reciprocity” passages from the religious texts of various religions:

Bahá’í World Faith:   “Ascribe not to any soul that which thou wouldst not have ascribed to thee, and say not that which thou doest not.” “Blessed is he who preferreth his brother before himself.” Baha’u’llah

Brahmanism: “This is the sum of duty: Do naught unto others which would cause you pain if done to you”. Mahabharata, 5:1517

Buddhism:   Hurt not others in ways that you yourself would find hurtful.” Udana-Varga 5:18

Christianity:   “Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them.” Matthew 7:12 

Confucianism:  “Do not do to others what you do not want them to do to you” Analects 15:23

Hinduism:   “One should not behave towards others in a way which is disagreeable to oneself” Mencius Vii.A.4 

Islam: “None of you [truly] believes until he wishes for his brother what he wishes for himself.” Number 13 of Imam “Al-Nawawi’s Forty Hadiths.” 6

Judaism:    “What is hateful to you, do not to your fellow man. This is the law: all the rest is commentary.” Talmud, Shabbat 31a.

Shinto:  “The heart of the person before you is a mirror. See there your own form”

Taoism:  “Regard your neighbor’s gain as your own gain, and your neighbor’s loss as your own loss.” T’ai Shang Kan Ying P’ien. 

I am sure you follow the principle in your own life, but in case you are tempted to slip once in awhile, just stop and remember what you do to others may very well be done to you. But of greater importance is that what you do for others is reward in itself.

~~~

Look to be treated by others as you have treated others.

Publilius Syrus (~100 BC)

~~~

A woman in my office, recently divorced after years of marriage, signed up for a refresher course in CPR. 

“Is it hard to learn?” asked someone.

“Not at all,” my co-worker replied.  “All you’re asked to do is breathe life into a dummy.  I don’t expect to have any problems.  I did that for 32 years.” 

~~~

There are two rules for ultimate success in life. Never tell everything you know.

~~~

The wife was busy frying eggs, when her husband came home. He walked into the kitchen and immediately started yelling.

CAREFULL!!!  CAREFULL!!!  MORE OIL!!!  TURN THEM!!!

TURN THEM NOW!!!  WE NEED MORE OIL!!!  THEY ARE GOING TO STICK!!! CAREFULL!!!  CAREFULL!!!  TURN THEM!!!

TURN THEM!!! HURRY UP!!!  ARE YOU CRAZY!!!!  THE OIL IS GOING TO SPILL!!! USE MORE SALT!!!  THE SALT!!!!”

The wife was very upset, “What is wrong with you? Why are you yelling like this? Do you think I don’t know how to fry an egg?”

The husband calmly replied, “This is to show you what it feels like for me when I am driving and you sit next to me…”

~~~

“If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn’t have a job if he was any smarter.”

Albert A. Grant

~~~

Scott and Glenn went on a fishing trip. They rented all the equipment: reels, rods, wading suits, rowboat, car, even a cabin in the woods. They spent a fortune.

The first day they went fishing and didn’t catch anything. The same thing happened on the second day and the third. It went on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, Scott caught a fish. Driving home they were really depressed.

Scott turned to Glenn and said, “Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred dollars?”

Glenn replied, “Wow! It’s a good thing we didn’t catch any more!”

~~~

I had amnesia once — or twice.

~~~

A man was being proselytized by group of friends:

“Come join our study group. We want to discuss mankind’s relationship to God.”

“I’m married; I learned long ago that my opinions don’t matter.”

“But, when you die, will you go to heaven or to hell?”

“Wherever my wife tells me to.”

~~~

“Darling,” said the young man to his new bride. “Now that we are married, do you think you will be able to live on my modest income?”

“Of course, dearest, no trouble,” she answered. “But what will you live on?”

~~~

I really wish my supermarket had an aisle marked “unhealthy stuff”, so the chore of shopping wouldn’t take so long.

~~~

A motorist was on trial for hitting a pedestrian. The motorist’s lawyer made this point: “Your honor, my client has been driving for over thirty years.”

To which the lawyer for the plaintiff retorted: “Your honor, if we are going to judge this case by experience, may I remind you that my client has been walking for over fifty years.”

~~~

When you win, say nothing.  When you lose, say less.

Paul Brown

~~~

A woman went to the bank and applied for a loan.

“I want a loan, I’m going to divorce my husband.”

“Oh, we don’t give loans for divorces” the manager says “We make loans for automobiles, businesses, home improvements….”

The woman interrupts and says “Well, this would certainly be a ‘Home Improvement.’

~~~

Stress is when your mouth says “No problem” while your body screams “NO WAY!”

~~~

“We have women in the military, but they don’t put us in the front lines. They don’t know if we can fight, if we can kill. I think we can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say, ‘You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms’.”

Elayne Boosler

~~~

It takes two things to be a consultant – gray hair and hemorrhoids.

The gray hair makes you look distinguished and the hemorrhoids make you look concerned.

~~~

Beginning today, treat everyone you meet as if they were going to be dead by midnight.

Extend them all the care, kindness and understanding you can muster.

Your life will never be the same again.

Og Mandino

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Believe in yourself

Ray’s Daily

August 9, 2022

http://rays-daily.com

Believe in yourself, push your limits, experience life, conquer your goals and be happy.

Joel Brown

Who ever you are you must believe in yourself if you are going to do all you are capable of doing. Success comes from doing the best you can do. No matter how skilled you are there is always something you can accomplish if you try.

Here is a story of a worthy young person who learned to believe in himself.

I am just as special and important as anybody else!

I used to work as a dog sitter and for a particular couple who were my clients for many years.  They had certain rules they liked followed regarding their dog’s care. 

One night, I had been dealing with an issue over their complaints about how I was locking their front door. I had just returned from walking their dog and they left me with another reminder about how the front door needed to be locked. 

When I got home, I just lost it!  After I had cooled down, my dad pointed a finger at me and these words ‘Remember you are not second class. The ones who treat you like you are . . . they are the ones who are second class.’

There was just something about the way Dad said those words that has made them stay with me. I had been trying to give this couple the benefit of the doubt, but the time had come when enough had become enough.

You see, I was diagnosed with learning disabilities when I was five and have dealt with discrimination and rejection over the years. The couple knew about my condition and sadly they were just another example of people who didn’t seem to care.

I have finally learned that my dad is right.  All those people who have made me feel bad about myself are the ones that are not worth it, not me and I am now always reminded of this quote . . .

‘You are an amazing person with unique talents. Have faith in your abilities’

Lailah Gifty Akita

~~~

You must believe you can. If anyone else can do this, you can do this as well. Yes, you can!

Tamara Tilleman

~~~

A group of young children were sitting in a circle with their teacher. She was going around in turn asking them all questions.

“Davy, what noise does a cow make?”

“It goes moo.”

“Alice, what noise does a cat make?”

“It goes meow.”

“Jamie, what sound does a lamb make?”

“It goes baaa.”

“Jennifer, what sound does a mouse make?”

“Errr.., it goes.. click!”

~~~

Be careful reading the fine print. There’s no way you’re going to like it.

~~~

A nervous taxpayer was unhappily conversing with the IRS Tax auditor who had come to review his records. At one point the auditor exclaimed,

“Mr. Carr, we feel it is a great privilege to be allowed to live and work in the USA.  As a citizen you have an obligation to pay taxes, and we expect you to eagerly pay them with a smile.”

“Thank goodness,” returned Mr. Carr, with a giant grin on his face from ear to ear”   “I thought you were going to want me to pay with cash.”

~~~

“If you’re ridin’ ahead of the herd, best take a look back every now and then to make sure it’s still there.”

~~~

How does Janice like being pregnant?” Bob asked his friend John.

“Oh, she’s not pregnant,” John replied, “she’s expecting.”

“What’s the difference?” Bob pressed.

Well, John explained, “She’s expecting me to cook dinner, she’s expecting me to do the housework, she’s expecting me to rub her feet . . .”

~~~

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder…

~~~

A C-141 was preparing for departure from Thule Greenland, and they were waiting for the truck to arrive to pump out the aircraft’s sewage holding tank. The Aircraft Commander was in a hurry, but the truck was late in arriving, and the Airman performing the job was extremely slow in getting the tank pumped out.When the Aircraft Commander berated the Airman for his lack of speed and promised punishment, the Airman responded:

“Sir, I have no stripes, it is 20 below zero, I am stationed in Thule, Greenland, and I am pumping crap out of airplanes. Just what are you planning to do to punish me?”

~~~

Few women admit their age, Few men act it!

~~~

A blonde was summoned to court to appear as a witness in a lawsuit. The prosecutor opened his questioning with, “Where were you the night of August 24th?”

“Objection!” said the defense attorney. “Irrelevant!”

“Oh, that’s okay,” said the blonde from the witness stand. “I don’t mind answering the question.”

“I object!” the defense said again.

“No, really,” said the blonde. “I’ll answer.”

The judge ruled “If the witness insists on answering, there is no reason for the defense to object.”

So the prosecutor repeated the question “Where were you the night of August 24th?”

The blonde replied brightly, “I don’t remember!”

~~~

There is just as much horse sense as ever, but it seems like the horses have it all.

~~~

A property manager of single family residence was showing a unit to prospective tenants and asking the usual questions. “Professionally employed?” he asked.

“We’re a military family,” the wife answered.

“Children?”

“Oh, yes! Ages nine and twelve,” she answered proudly.

“Animals?”

“Oh, no,” she said earnestly. “They’re very well behaved.”

~~~

“Live your life from your heart. Share from your heart. And your story will touch and heal people’s souls.”

Melody Beattie

~~~

On my way to a picnic, I stopped at a fast-food place to order a quart of potato salad. “We don’t sell it by the quart,” the clerk snapped.

“Okay, then give me two pints, please,” I replied.

I’m proud to say I held my tongue when she asked, “Do you want it in one container?”

~~~

Believe in yourself, take on your challenges, dig deep within yourself to conquer fears. Never let anyone bring you down. You got to keep going.

Chantal Sutherland

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Be Yourself

Ray’s Daily

August 8, 2022

http://rays-daily.com

Follow your inner moonlight; don’t hide the madness.

Allen Ginsberg

I have decided that I will spend my time this week working on being the me I want to be. Too many times events distract us from reaping the rewards that come our efforts to do our best. I know this week will have plenty of opportunity to invest in being a better me. 

How about you? Ready for a great week. Here are some tips from Angel Chernoff on how we can make it a good one.

5 Simple Yet Powerful Affirmations to Start Your Week Right

1. If you don’t allow yourself to learn and grow from the experience — from what was said, done, and felt — you will always look at your life through the same old lens. Realize this. In many ways, what you do today matters more than what happened yesterday.

2. Calmness does not mean to be in a space where there is no chaos, trouble, or hard realities to deal with. Calmness means to be in the midst of all those things and still remain mentally, emotionally and physically centered.

3. Breathe. Be where you are. You’ve been broken down dozens of times and put yourself back together again. Think about how remarkable that is, and how far you’ve come. You’re not the same person you were a year ago, a month ago, or even yesterday. You’re always growing… stronger!

4. As you journey forward, remember that the the way people see and treat you is their problem, how you respond is yours. So never regret the kindness and respect you have shown to the wrong people. Your behavior says everything about you, and their behavior says more than enough about them.

5. The fundamental goal right now is to gradually change your response to what you can’t control. To grow stronger on the inside, so that almost nothing on the outside can affect your inner peace and wellness without your conscious permission.

~~~

About all you can do in life is be who you are. Some people will love you for you. Most will love you for what you can do for them, and some won’t like you at all.

Rita Mae Brown

~~~

We miss Bob Hope, but at least he left us his humor, here are a few of his one liners.

ON TURNING 70 “You still chase women, but only downhill”.

ON TURNING 80 “That’s the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing.”

ON TURNING 90 “You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.”

ON TURNING 100 ” I don’t feel old. In .fact I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap.”

ON GIVING UP HIS EARLY CAREER, BOXING “I ruined my hands in the ring … the referee kept stepping on them.”

ON SAILORS “They spend the first six days of each week sowing their wild oats, then they go to church on Sunday and pray for crop failure.”

ON NEVER WINNING AN OSCAR “Welcome to the Academy Awards or, as it’s called at my home, ‘Passover’.”

ON GOLF “Golf is my profession. Show business is just to pay the green fees.”

ON PRESIDENTS ” I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained only six.”

ON HIS SIX BROTHERS “That’s how I learned to dance.  Waiting for the bathroom.”

ON HIS EARLY FAILURES “I would not have had anything to eat if it wasn’t for the stuff the audience threw at me.”

ON GOING TO HEAVEN “I’ve done benefits for ALL religions. I’d hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.”

~~~

He said: My wife and I divorced over religious differences.  She thought she was God and I didn’t!

~~~

It had been snowing for hours when an announcement came over the intercom: “Will the students who are parked on University Drive please move their cars so that we may begin plowing.”

Twenty minutes later there was another announcement: “Will the twelve hundred students who went to move twenty six cars return to class.”

~~~

“A tyrant must put on the appearance of uncommon devotion to religion. Subjects are less apprehensive of illegal treatment from a ruler whom they consider god-fearing and pious. On the other hand, they do less easily move against him, believing that he has the gods on his side.”

Aristotle

~~~

An American history teacher, lecturing the class on the Puritans, asked: “What sort of people were punished in the stocks?”

To which a small voice from the back of the room responded: “The small investor.”

~~~

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

~~~

At a golf course, four men approached the sixteenth tee. The straight fairway ran along a road and bike path fenced off on the left. The first golfer teed off and hooked the ball in that direction. The ball went over the fence and bounced off the bike path onto the road, where it hit the tire of a moving bus and was knocked back on to the fairway. As they all stood in amazement, one man asked him, “How on earth did you do that?”

He shrugged his shoulders and said, “You have to know the bus schedule.”

~~~

According to MODERN BRIDE magazine, the average bride spends 150 hours planning her wedding.  The average groom spends 150 hours saying, “Yeah, sounds good.”

Jay Leno

~~~

Jill had applied for a job and when she returned home, her mother asked how the interview went.

“Pretty good I think”, replied Jill, “but if I go to work there I won’t get a vacation unless I’m married.

Her mother of course, had never heard of such a thing and asked “Is that what they told you?

“No”, replied Jill, “they didn’t tell me that, but on the application it said “vacation time may not be taken until you’ve had your ‘First Anniversary'”

~~~

Scrawled across the dorm wall were the words, “Question Everything!”

A couple of days later someone added one word… “Why?”

~~~

During a training cruise, a destroyer was weaving its way through a myriad of islands and small fishing boats. Although it was a clear day, the radar was in operation to train the reservists. A report came from the radar room to the bridge, “Target bearing 230 degrees, believe it to be a log.”

Unimpressed by this superb job of radar interpretation, the young officer of the deck scanned the water with his powerful glasses. Perceiving a pair of sea gulls on top of the accurately reported log, he barked, “Radar, this is the bridge. Regarding your last reported target, there are two sea gulls on that log which you failed to report!”

There was a long silence as the radar antenna was swung about and pointed in the direction of the log. Then the voice of the chief radarman was heard, “Regarding the last sighting, we have a correction to make, sir. There ARE two sea gulls on that log – one male, the other female!”

~~~

I planted some birdseed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.

~~~

He said: When a new bunch of waiters was hired at the restaurant where I work, our manager asked us all to help out the new people.  Before he opened the place one day, he delivered a rehearsed motivational speech in which he emphasized teamwork and encouraged us all to work together.  “Now remember,” he concluded, “there’s no ‘I’ in team.”

One of the veterans spoke up.  “Yeah,” he said, “but there’s no ‘we’ in ‘tip.,'”

~~~

To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.

E.E. Cummings

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Resent Daily

Ray’s Daily

August 5, 2022

http://rays-daily.com

Some of our readers reported that some of yesterday’s Daily was unreadable so I am resending it today.

Ray’s Daily

August 4, 2022

http://rays-daily.com

“The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.”

Anna Quindlen

Reprint fo Ray’s Daily first published on August 4, 2004

The other day I spent a few hours with others of my generation in a workshop led by an excellent facilitator. The subject was Time for What Matters. It was obvious from the discussion that too many of us spend most, if not all of our time, doing things we think we must do, allowing little time for what we would like to do. It seems like our lives become cluttered with one thing after another that eat up our days, weeks, months and even years. We think we have to do what we always have done, we believe that we must always say yes when someone wants us to do something, we think we must have the biggest garden and the most beautiful Christmas decorations. We feel we must attend every one of our grandchildren’s sporting events, we feel that we must cook for the church super, that we must read every magazine we get, and that we must never miss an episode of a favorite TV series; the list goes on and on and on. We do lots of things that are OK but few things that really give us joy. If we just stop and think about it we discover we seldom get to do some of the things we would love to do because we have convinced ourselves that there is not time enough to do them.

As we age we have less time to finally do that one thing that we have always wanted to do. I think the worst form of procrastination is when we put off taking care of ourselves. It is perfectly alright to do what we would like to do, it is perfectly alright to reward ourselves, and it is perfectly all right to stop doing something that stands in our way of doing what we want to do. You know, if you miss that one game, skip that one magazine, keep a garden that requires less of your time, the world does not end. It is worthwhile to ask yourself every chance you get, if what you are doing is really that important and if you did not do it, who would it hurt.

Why not pick one or two things right now that you would like to do. If you are going to procrastinate, delay or cancel something else, not something that will give you satisfaction. I have always felt that the best time to take a vacation was when you can’t, that is when you need to be recharged the most. It is the same with everything else, the best time to do for ourselves is now, it is up to us to eliminate what keeps us from enjoying the rest of our lives.

The next time I hear from you I would love to hear that things are great and not just ok.

~~~

I have enjoyed greatly the second blooming that comes when you finish the life of the emotions and of personal relations; and suddenly find – at the age of fifty, say – that a whole new life has opened before you, filled with things you can think about, study, or read about…It is as if a fresh sap of ideas and thoughts was rising in you.

Agatha Christie

~~~

She said: My five-year-old nephew Elix wanted to caddy for my brother’s golf game.

“You have to count my strokes,” my brother told him.  “How much is six, nine, and eight?”

“Five,” answered Elix.

“Okay,” my brother smiled.  “Let’s go!”

~~~

Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.

~~~

You’re Old When …”

1. You can live without sex but not without your glasses.

2. You quit trying to hold in your stomach, no matter who walks into the room.

3. You enjoy watching the news.

4. The phone rings and you hope its not for you.

5. The only reason you’re still awake at 4 am is indigestion.

6. You’re proud of your lawn mower.

7. You start singing along with the elevator music.

8. You really do want a new washing machine for your birthday.

9. You routinely check the oil in your car.

10. You’ve owned clothes so long that they’ve come back into style –TWICE.

11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

12. You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.

13. 8 AM is your idea of “sleeping in.”

14. You write thank you notes without being told.

15. Neighbors borrow your tools.

16. You answer a question with, “Because I said so!”

17. Others ask for your recipes.

18. You start Christmas shopping in August.

19. You paint walls for a reason other than getting your deposit back.

20. You don’t like to drive after dark.

21. You say the words, “Turn that music down!” too often

22. You point out what buildings used to be where.

23. You know all the warning signs of a heart attack.

24. You rake the yard without being told to.

25. You can’t remember the last time you lay on the floor to watch television.

26. The service station attendant lets you pump your gas before paying

~~~

“A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin.”

H. L. Mencken

~~~

Two men were talking. “My son asked me what I did during the Sexual Revolution,” said one.

I told him I was captured early and spent the duration doing the dishes.

~~~

My mom is very possessive.  She calls me up and says, “You weren’t home last night.  Is something going on?”

I say, “Yeah, Mom.  I’m cheating on you with another mother.”

~~~

“The future you shall know when it has come; before then forget it.”

Aeschylus

~~~

She said: A man called the government office where I work and requested an estimate of his benefits upon retirement.

After I gave him the information, he went on to inquire about his wife’s benefits. I asked if she had ever worked.

“She has worked all her life making me happy,” he replied.

That was nice, I commented, but had she ever contributed to a pension plan?

“No,” he said. “We made an agreement when we got married. I would make the living and she would make the living worthwhile.”

~~~

My wife left me a note saying I should try out for “American Idle.”

But the joke is on her because she spelled it wr– hey, wait a minute!

~~~

Mrs. Rosen is having her house painted, and her husband comes home from work and leans against the freshly painted wall.

The next day, she says to the painter, “You want to see where my husband put his hand last night?”

He sighs and says, “Look, lady, I got a tough day’s work ahead of me. Why don’t you just make us a cup of tea?”

~~~

By the time we realize our parents were right, we have children who think we’re wrong.

Guillermo Hernandez

~~~

Determined to cut the budget, the former governor directed that all government jobs remain unfilled once vacated.

There were many complaints, one concerning the retirement of a drawbridge operator. When Personnel refused to fill the position, the highway- division manager called the governor’s office.

“Ask the governor,” he told an aide, “Whether he wants the bridge left down so the cars can go over – or up so the ships can go through.”

~~~

Know the true value of time; snatch, seize, and enjoy every moment of it.

No idleness; no laziness; no procrastination; never put off till tomorrow what you can do today.

Lord Chesterfield

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Take Care of Yourself

Ray’s Daily

August 4, 2022

http://rays-daily.com

“The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.”

Anna Quindlen

Reprint fo Ray’s Daily first published on August 4, 2004

The other day I spent a few hours with others of my generation in a workshop led by an excellent facilitator. The subject was Time for What Matters. It was obvious from the discussion that too many of us spend most, if not all of our time, doing things we think we must do, allowing little time for what we would like to do. It seems like our lives become cluttered with one thing after another that eat up our days, weeks, months and even years. We think we have to do what we always have done, we believe that we must always say yes when someone wants us to do something, we think we must have the biggest garden and the most beautiful Christmas decorations. We feel we must attend every one of our grandchildren’s sporting events, we feel that we must cook for the church super, that we must read every magazine we get, and that we must never miss an episode of a favorite TV series; the list goes on and on and on. We do lots of things that are OK but few things that really give us joy. If we just stop and think about it we discover we seldom get to do some of the things we would love to do because we have convinced ourselves that there is not time enough to do them.

As we age we have less time to finally do that one thing that we have always wanted to do. I think the worst form of procrastination is when we put off taking care of ourselves. It is perfectly alright to do what we would like to do, it is perfectly alright to reward ourselves, and it is perfectly all right to stop doing something that stands in our way of doing what we want to do. You know, if you miss that one game, skip that one magazine, keep a garden that requires less of your time, the world does not end. It is worthwhile to ask yourself every chance you get, if what you are doing is really that important and if you did not do it, who would it hurt.

Why not pick one or two things right now that you would like to do. If you are going to procrastinate, delay or cancel something else, not something that will give you satisfaction. I have always felt that the best time to take a vacation was when you can’t, that is when you need to be recharged the most. It is the same with everything else, the best time to do for ourselves is now, it is up to us to eliminate what keeps us from enjoying the rest of our lives.

 The next time I hear from you I would love to hear that things are great and not just ok.

~~~

I have enjoyed greatly the second blooming that comes when you finish the life of the emotions and of personal relations; and suddenly find – at the age of fifty, say – that a whole new life has opened before you, filled with things you can think about, study, or read about…It is as if a fresh sap of ideas and thoughts was rising in you.

Agatha Christie

~~~

She said: My five-year-old nephew Elix wanted to caddy for my brother’s golf game.

“You have to count my strokes,” my brother told him.  “How much is six, nine, and eight?”

“Five,” answered Elix.

“Okay,” my brother smiled.  “Let’s go!”

~~~

Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.

~~~

You’re Old When …”

1. You can live without sex but not without your glasses.

2. You quit trying to hold in your stomach, no matter who walks into the room.

3. You enjoy watching the news.

4. The phone rings and you hope its not for you.

5. The only reason you’re still awake at 4 am is indigestion.

6. You’re proud of your lawn mower.

7. You start singing along with the elevator music.

8. You really do want a new washing machine for your birthday.

9. You routinely check the oil in your car.

10. You’ve owned clothes so long that they’ve come back into style –TWICE.

11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

12. You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.

13. 8 AM is your idea of “sleeping in.”

14. You write thank you notes without being told.

15. Neighbors borrow your tools.

16. You answer a question with, “Because I said so!”

17. Others ask for your recipes.

18. You start Christmas shopping in August.

19. You paint walls for a reason other than getting your deposit back.

20. You don’t like to drive after dark.

21. You say the words, “Turn that music down!” too often

22. You point out what buildings used to be where.

23. You know all the warning signs of a heart attack.

24. You rake the yard without being told to.

25. You can’t remember the last time you lay on the floor to watch television.

26. The service station attendant lets you pump your gas before paying

~~~

“A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin.”

H. L. Mencken

~~~

Two men were talking. “My son asked me what I did during the Sexual Revolution,” said one.

I told him I was captured early and spent the duration doing the dishes.

~~~

My mom is very possessive.  She calls me up and says, “You weren’t home last night.  Is something going on?”

I say, “Yeah, Mom.  I’m cheating on you with another mother.”

~~~

“The future you shall know when it has come; before then forget it.”

Aeschylus

~~~

She said: A man called the government office where I work and requested an estimate of his benefits upon retirement.

After I gave him the information, he went on to inquire about his wife’s benefits. I asked if she had ever worked.

“She has worked all her life making me happy,” he replied.

That was nice, I commented, but had she ever contributed to a pension plan?

“No,” he said. “We made an agreement when we got married. I would make the living and she would make the living worthwhile.”

~~~

My wife left me a note saying I should try out for “American Idle.”

But the joke is on her because she spelled it wr– hey, wait a minute!

~~~

Mrs. Rosen is having her house painted, and her husband comes home from work and leans against the freshly painted wall.

The next day, she says to the painter, “You want to see where my husband put his hand last night?”

He sighs and says, “Look, lady, I got a tough day’s work ahead of me. Why don’t you just make us a cup of tea?”

~~~

By the time we realize our parents were right, we have children who think we’re wrong.

Guillermo Hernandez

~~~

Determined to cut the budget, the former governor directed that all government jobs remain unfilled once vacated.

There were many complaints, one concerning the retirement of a drawbridge operator. When Personnel refused to fill the position, the highway- division manager called the governor’s office.

“Ask the governor,” he told an aide, “Whether he wants the bridge left down so the cars can go over – or up so the ships can go through.”

~~~

Know the true value of time; snatch, seize, and enjoy every moment of it.

No idleness; no laziness; no procrastination; never put off till tomorrow what you can do today.

Lord Chesterfield

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

We need each other

Ray’s Daily

August 3, 2022

http://rays-daily.com

We need to feel the cheer and inspiration of meeting each other, we need to gain the courage and fresh life that comes from the mingling of congenial souls, of those working for the same ends.

Josephine St. Pierre Ruffin

As time goes by I continually realize how important it is that we earn the goodwill of others. Our world is a dreary place if we face each day alone. It is those we care for and who care for us that keep us from withering in isolation. So to each of you I am grateful for your friendship fo without you my days would be bleak.

The following commitments can help us to be worthy friends,

Promise yourself

  • To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.
  • To talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person you meet.
  • To make all your friends feel that there is something in them.
  • To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.
  • To think only the best, to work only for the best, and to expect only the best.
  • To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.
  • To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
  • To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give every living creature you meet a smile.
  • To give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others.
  • To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear; and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.
  • To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world, not in loud words, but in great deeds.
  • To live in the faith that the whole world is on your side so long as you are true to the best that is in you.

C.D. Larson

~~~

We need Joy as we need air. We need Love as we need water. We need each other as we need the earth we share.

Maya Angelou

~~~

For many of you this will not mean much. For myself and any others that served in the Navy in the fifties this is exactly as it was then.

How to Simulate The Life Of A Sailor. . .

·        Buy a steel dumpster, paint it gray inside & out, & live in it for 6 months.

·        Repaint your entire house every month.

·        Raise the thresholds & lower the headers of your front & back doors so that you either trip or bang your head every time you pass through them.

·        On Mondays, Wednesdays, & Fridays, turn your water heater temperature up to 200 degrees. On Tuesdays & Thursdays, turn the water heater off. On Saturdays & Sundays tell your family they use too much water during the week, so no bathing will be allowed.

·        Raise your bed to within 6 inches of the ceiling, so you can’t turn over without getting out & then getting back in.

·        Have your neighbor come over each day at 5 am, blow a whistle loudly, & shout “Reveille, reveille, all hands heave out & trice up.”

·        Empty all the garbage bins in your house & sweep the driveway three times a day, whether it needs it or not.

·        Post a menu on the kitchen door informing your family that they are having steak for dinner. Then make them wait in line for an hour. When they finally get to the kitchen, tell them you are out of steak, but they can have dried ham or hot dogs. Repeat daily until they ignore the menu & just ask for hot dogs.

·        Set your alarm clock to go off at random times during the night. At the alarm, jump up & dress as fast as you can, making sure to button your top shirt button & tuck your pants into your socks. Run out into the backyard & uncoil the garden hose.

·        Make coffee using eighteen scoops of budget-priced coffee grounds per pot, & allow the pot to simmer for 5 hours before drinking.

~~~

May you live as long as you want, and never want as long as you live.

~~~

Down in the south, there are many churches known as “answer back” churches. When the preacher says something, the congregation naturally replies.

One Sunday, a preacher was speaking on what it would take for the church to become better.

He said “If this church is to become better, it must take up it’s bed, and walk.”

The congregation said “Let it walk, Preacher, let it walk.”

Encouraged by their response, he went further.

“If this church is going to become better, it will have to throw aside it’s hindrances and run!”

The congregation replied,

“Let it run, preacher, let it run!”

Now really into his message, he spoke stronger.

“If this church really wants to become great, it will have to take up it’s wings and fly!”

“Let it fly, Preacher, let it fly!” the congregation shouts.

The Preacher gets louder.

“If this church is going to fly, it will cost money!”

The congregation replied.         “Let it walk, Preacher, let it walk.”

~~~

A mother may hope that her daughter will get a better husband that she did, but she knows her son will never get as good a wife as his father did.

~~~

Father O’Malley answers the phone:

“Hello, is this Father O’Malley?”

“It is.”

“This is the IRS. Can you help us?”

“I can.”

“Do you know a Ted Houlihan?”

“I do.”

“Is he a member of your congregation?”

“He is.”

“Did he donate $10,000 to the church?”

“He will.”

~~~

Each one of us has lived through some devastation, some loneliness, some weather superstorm or spiritual superstorm, when we look at each other we must say, I understand. I understand how you feel because I have been there myself. We must support each other and empathize with each other because each of us is more alike than we are unalike.

Maya Angelou

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

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