Ray's musings and humor

Favorite Things

Ray’s Daily

December 15, 2022

http://rays-daily.com

You’re braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.

A.A. Milne

Ray’s Daily first published on December 15, 2004

It is close to the end of the year and a good time to reflect and take stock of the last twelve months. Most of us score our year based on the high points, both good and bad. A gal named Audrey understands better than most that it is the everyday things that make life enjoyable. Here are some of her favorite things:

Laughing for absolutely no reason at all.

Having someone tell you that you’re beautiful.

Laughing at an inside joke.

Friends.

Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you.

Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep.

Making new friends or spending time with old ones.

Playing with a new puppy.

Sweet dreams.

Hot chocolate.

Road trips with friends.

Swinging on swings.

Making eye contact with a stranger

Making chocolate chip cookies.

Seeing smiles and hearing laughter from your friends.

Holding hands with someone you care about.

Running into an old friend and realizing that some things (good or bad) never change

Watching the sunrise.

Getting out of bed every morning and being grateful for another beautiful day.

I think if you make your own list of the things you like, you will be glad you did. It is too easy to take the good things in life for granted, every once in awhile it is worth asking what life would be like without them.

~~~

Life loves to be taken by the lapel and told: “I’m with you kid. Let’s go.”

Maya Angelou

~~~

Jacques Chirac, The French Prime Minister, was sitting in his office wondering what kind of mischief he could perpetrate against the United States when his telephone rang.

“Hallo, Mr. Chirac!”, a heavily accented voice said. “This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Sligo, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!”

“Well, Paddy,” Chirac replied, “This is indeed important news! How big is your army?”

“Right now,” said Paddy, after a moment’s calculation, “there is myself, me cousin Sean, me next door neighbor Seamus, and the entire dart team from the pub. That makes eight!”

Chirac paused. “I must tell you, Paddy, that I have one hundred thousand men in my army waiting to move on my command.” “Begorra!” said Paddy. “I’ll have to ring you back!”

Sure enough, the next day, Paddy called again. “Mr. Chirac, the war is still on. We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!”  “And what equipment would that be, Paddy?” Chirac asked. “Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy’s farm tractor.”

Chirac sighed, amused. “I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 6,000 tanks and 5,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I’ve increased my army to one hundred fifty thousand since we last spoke.”  “Saints preserve us!” said Paddy. “I’ll have to get back to you.”

Sure enough, Paddy rang again the next day. “Mr. Chirac, the war is still on!” We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We’ve modified Jackie McLaughlin’s ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Pub have joined us as well!”

Chirac was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. “I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites.  And since we last spoke, I’ve increased my army to two hundred thousand!”

“Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!”, said Paddy, “I’ll have to ring you back.”

Sure enough, Paddy called again the next day. “Top o’ the mornin’, Mr.Chirac! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” said Chirac. “Why the sudden change of heart?”

“Well,” said Paddy, “we’ve all had a long chat over a bunch of pints, and decided there’s no way we can feed two hundred thousand prisoners.”

~~~

Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and when he grows up, he’ll never be able to edge his car onto a freeway.

~~~

Just after the maid had been fired. She took five bucks from her purse, she threw it to Fido, the family dog. When asked why by her former employer, she answered, “I never forget a friend. This is for helping me clean the dishes every night!”

~~~

At a lavish country-club party a young man was introduced to an attractive girl.  Immediately he began paying her court and flattering her outrageously.  The girl liked the young man, but she was taken a bit aback by his fast and ardent pitch.  She was amazed when after 30 minutes he seriously proposed marriage.

“Look,” she said.  “We only met a half hour ago.  How can you be so sure? We know nothing about each other.”

“Ah, but that’s where you’re wrong!” the young man declared.

“For the past 5 years I’ve been working in the bank where your father has his account.”

~~~

Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

~~~

She told me:

Looking in the mall for a cotton nightgown, I tried my luck in a store known for its sexy lingerie.

To my delight, however, I found just what I was looking for. Waiting in the line to pay, I noticed a young woman behind me holding the same nightgown.

This confirmed what I suspected all along: despite being over 50, I still have a very “with it” attitude. “I see we have the same taste,” I said proudly to the 20-something behind me.

“Yes,” she replied. “I’m getting this for my grandmother.”

~~~

A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.

~~~

Maureen told her young son to go to bed and be sure to say his prayers and ask God to make him a good boy.

The boy’s father, passing by the bedroom, overheard his son praying: “And make me a good boy if You can; and if You can’t, don’t worry about it, ’cause I’m having fun the way I am.”

~~~

In the frozen foods department of our local grocery store, I noticed a man shopping with his young son. As I walked by, he checked something off his list, and I heard him whisper conspiratorially to the child, “You know, Bobby, if we really mess this up, we’ll never have to do it again.”

~~~

“She’s the kind of girl who climbed the ladder of success wrong by wrong.”

Mae West

~~~

Our Supply Clerk at the factory where I work, discovered a box that was left on the loading dock with this warning printed on it: DANGER DO NOT TOUCH!

Management was called and all employees were told to stay clear of the box until it could be analyzed.

When the foreman arrived, he donned gloves and safety glasses, and then, very carefully opened the box. Inside were 25 signs that read: DANGER! DO NOT TOUCH!

~~~

“Each time someone stands up for an ideal, Or acts to improve the lot of others, Or strikes out against injustice, They send forth a ripple of hope.”

Robert F. Kennedy

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

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