Ray's musings and humor

12-8-2003

Ray’s Daily

December 9, 2022

http://rays-daily.com

Joy is not in things; it is in us.

Richard Wagner

Ray’s Daily first published on December 9, 2003

As many of you know our golden years are filled with our grandchildren’s spectator events. We are at a soccer game, basketball game, gymnastic meet, or some other event at least two or three times a week. Last weekend was no exception two soccer games and the Indiana State Gymnastic Championships where you had to qualify by exceeding a cutoff score during the fall season. My 8, soon to be 9, year old granddaughter participated. She ended up number 1 on the bars, and 5th overall. She also had very good scores on the vault and floor exercise, but had a slip on the balance beam which lowered her to her 5th place finish. Her next meet is in Florida in January. If you happen to go to a meet, bring a book, it is wait and wait followed by a minute or two of actual performance and then wait for the next skill. The thing that impresses me the most is her self discipline, her long hours of practice each day, and her great joy in doing it.

~~~

This is dedicated to my friend Clint, he moved to Michigan from Indianapolis, we miss him and at this time of year he may be missing us.

Aug. 20 – Moved to our new home in Michigan. It is so beautiful here. The hills are so picturesque. Can hardly wait to see them with snow covering them. This is God’s Country. I love it here!

Oct. 14 – Michigan is the most beautiful place on earth. The leaves are turning all different colors – you should see the beautiful shades of red and orange and yellow! Went for a ride through some beautiful rolling hills and spotted some deer. They are so graceful, certainly they are the most peaceful animals on earth. This must be Paradise… I love it here!

Nov. 3 – Deer season will start soon. I can’t imagine anyone wanting to kill such an elegant creature, the very symbol of peace and tranquility. Hope it will snow soon. I love it here!

Dec. 2 – It snowed last night! Woke up to find everything blanketed in white, just like a postcard. We went outside and cleaned the snow off the steps and shoveled the driveway. We had a snowball fight (I won) and when the snowplow came by, we had to shovel the driveway again. What a beautiful place. Mother nature in perfect harmony. I love Michigan!

Dec. 12 – More snow last night. I love it. The snowplow did his trick again (that rascal) and pushed all the snow back into the driveway, but we bundled up and had a good time clearing it – and we made a snowman out of it! A winter wonderland… I love it here!

Dec. 19 – More snow last night. Couldn’t get out of the driveway to get to work on time! I’m exhausted from shoveling. That damn snowplow!

Dec. 22 – More of that white crap fell last night. I’ve got blisters on my hands from shoveling. I think the snowplow man hides around the corner and waits until I’m done shoveling this driveway, the jerk! And you should see our heating bills!

Dec. 25 – “White Christmas” my busted ass! More friggin snow. If I ever get my hands on that son of a bitch who drives that snowplow, I swear I’ll break the bastard’s nose. Don’t know why they don’t use more salt on the roads to melt this friggin ICE!

Dec. 28 – More white sh*t last night. Been inside since Christmas Day except for shoveling out the driveway every time “Snowplow Harry” comes by. Can’t go anywhere, car’s buried in a mountain of frozen snow. The weatherman says to expect another 10″ of the sh*t tonight. Do you know how many shovels full of snow 10″ is? 

Jan. 1 – Happy Damn New Year, the weatherman was wrong AGAIN. We got two feet of the white sh*t this time. At this rate it won’t melt before the Fourth of July. The snowplow got stuck up the road, and the jerk had the balls to come to the door and ask to borrow my shovel. After I told him I’ve broken six shovels already, shoveling all the sh*t he pushed into the driveway, I broke my last one over his damn head!

Jan. 8 – Finally got out of the house today. Went to the store to get food and on the way back, a damn deer ran in front of the car and I hit the bastard. Did about $3,000 worth of damage to the car. Those damn beasts ought to be killed. Wish the hunters had killed them all last November.

Mar. 22 – Took the car to the garage in town. Would you believe the thing is rotting out from all that damn salt they keep dumping all over the road? Car looks like a piece of sh*t!

April. 10 – Moved back to Florida. I can’t imagine why anyone in their right mind would ever want to live in that God forsaken state of Michigan!

~~~

There is overwhelming evidence that the higher the level of self- esteem, the more likely one will be to treat others with respect, kindness, and generosity.

~~~

My sister-in-law was very busy one day working in her house.  She had just gotten to the basement after quite a few trips up and down when she heard the telephone ring upstairs.  Tiredly, she ran back up the stairs only to hear a solicitor on the other end.

“Hello”

“Yes.”

“We are calling people in your area and would like to know if you would help us by participating in a brief survey.”

Sorry I don’t wear them.

~~~

If you can still do at 60 what you did at 20, it means you weren’t doing much at 20.

~~~

My mom got mad at my dad the other day and went shopping to relieve her irritation…

When she returned home she informed him that she had purchased ten new dresses…

“Ten!” he hollered, “What could any woman want with ten new dresses??”

My mom calmly replied, “Ten new pairs of shoes.”

~~~

Mommy, What Is the Definition of…

** Abusive? What’s the matter, stupid, don’t you know the answer?

** Paranoid? You probably think I don’t know the answer, do you?

** Bigotry? I’m not going to tell someone like you.

** Over-Sensitive? How could you ask me a question like that?

** Depressed? You would have to ask me that?

** Nonchalant? It’s not important.

** Evasive? Go do your homework.

** Insomnia? I stayed awake all last night thinking of the answer.

~~~

Office rule: Never agree with your boss until he says something.

~~~

** Signs You Have a Cheap HMO Plan **

10. Directions to the doctor’s office include, “Take a left when you enter the trailer park.”

9. When you enter the office, you see a dispenser with the sign “PLEASE TAKE A NUMBER.”

8. Tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicles.

7. The only psychiatrist in the plan is nicknamed “Joe the bartender.”

6. The only item listed under Preventive Care feature of coverage is, “An apple a day.”

5. Your “primary care physician” is wearing pants you gave to Goodwill last month.

4. “Patient responsible for 200% of out-of-network charges” is not a misprint.

3. The only expense covered 100% is embalming.

2. Your pills come in different colors with “M” on them.

1. Prescription for anti-depressant medication: A coupon for a double espresso at Starbucks.

~~~

A jury consists of twelve people chosen to decide who has the best lawyer.

~~~

A husband visited a marriage counselor and said, “When we were first married, I would come home from the office, my wife would bring my slippers and our cute little dog would run around barking. Now after ten years it’s all different. I come home, the dog brings the slippers and my wife runs around barking.”

“Why complain?” said the counselor, “You’re still getting the same service.”

~~~

Real joy comes not from ease or riches or from the praise of men, but from doing something worthwhile.

Pierre Coneille

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

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