Ray's musings and humor

’tis the season

Ray’s Daily

December 2, 2022

http://rays-daily.com

The course of human history is determined, not by what happens in the skies, but by what takes place in our hearts.

Sir Arthur Kent

I have a couple of medical appointments so here is a Daily reprint from December 2, 2002

Each year on the two Fridays before Christmas I stand outside ringing bells for the Salvation Army. It is always a worthwhile experience for me as I get a true look at the humanity of others. I have often seen children who appear not to have much of their own contribute all of their pennies. Sometimes families will drive up in cars that have seen better days and dump the change they have been saving all year into the red kettle. Others, often obviously affluent, can’t be bothered. I honestly believe that it is those who have a concern for others are the ones who understand the true meaning of Christmas. In that spirit I give you the following.

In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less, a 10 year old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in front of him.

“How much is an ice cream sundae?”

“Fifty cents,” replied the waitress.

The little boy pulled his handout of his pocket and studied a number of coins in it. “How much is a dish of plain ice cream?” he inquired.

Some people were now waiting for a table and the waitress was a bit impatient. “Thirty-five cents,” she said brusquely.

The little boy again counted the coins. “I’ll have the plain ice cream,” he said.

The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table and walked away.

The boy finished the ice cream, paid the cashier and departed. When the waitress came back, she began wiping down the table and then swallowed hard at what she saw. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish, were two nickels and five pennies — her tip.

~~~

“Your Honor, my wife is just being ridiculous. Most women would love to have a husband who still believes in chivalry and I was only opening the door for her out of chivalry.”

“Mr. Smith,” replied the judge, “I am granting the divorce. I cannot believe chivalry was your motivation while driving 65 mph.”

~~~

“Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred.”

~~~

A man goes to consult a specialist about his medical problem.

After the visit the man asks, “How much do I owe you?”

“My fee is five hundred dollars,” replies the physician.

“Five hundred dollars? That’s impossible. No one charges that much!”

“In your case,” the doctor replies, “I suppose I could adjust my fee to three hundred.”

“Three hundred dollars? For one visit? Ridiculous.”

“Well, then, could you afford two hundred?”

“Who has that kind of money?”

“Look, replies the doctor,” growing irritated, “Just give me fifty bucks and get out.”

“I can give you twenty says the man. Take it or leave it.”

“I don’t understand you,” says the doctor. “Why did you come to the most expensive doctor in New York if you have no money?”

“Listen, Doctor”, says the patient, “When it comes to my health, nothing is too expensive.”

~~~

“People who never get carried away should be.”

Malcolm Forbes

~~~

“The Big IQ Test”

Pay close attention. Here is a very simple little test comprised of four easy questions to determine the level of your intellect. See if you have what it takes to be considered “smart.” Your replies must be spontaneous and immediate, with no deliberating or wasting of time. And no cheating!

On your mark, get set, go…

1: You are competing in a race and overtake the runner in second place.  In which position are you now?

Answer: If you answered that you’re now in first, you’re wrong!  You overtook the second runner and took his place, therefore you are now in second place.

For the next question try not to be so dim.

2: If you overtake the last runner, what position are you now in?

Answer: If you answered second to last, you are wrong once again. Think about it… How can you overtake the person who is last? If you’re behind him, he can’t be last. You would have been last. It would appear that thinking is not one of your strong points.

Anyway, here’s another question to try. Don’t take any notes or use a calculator, and remember, your replies must be instantaneous.

3: Take 1000. Add 40. Add another 1000.  Add 30. 1000 again. Plus 20.  Plus 1000. And plus 10.  What is the total?

Answer: Did you get 5000?

Well, wrong again!

The correct answer is 4100. Try again with a calculator.

Today is clearly not your day, although you should manage to get the last question right…

4: Marie’s father has five daughters:

  1. Chacha

  2. Cheche

  3. Chichi

  4. Chocho

  5. ????

Question: What is the fifth daughter’s name?

Think quickly… you’ll find the answer below..

Answer: Are you thinking ‘Chuchu’?

WRONG!

It’s obviously Marie!  Read the question properly. ‘Oy, what a day I’m having….’

~~~

Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.

Karen Kaiser Clark

~~~

An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the God-given responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could produce children beyond comparison. With that as his mission he began searching for the perfect woman.

After a diligent, but fruitless, search up and down the East coast, he started to head west. Shortly thereafter he met a farmer who had three stunning, gorgeous daughters that positively took his breath away. So he explained his mission to the farmer, asking for permission to marry one of them.

The farmer simply replied, “They’re all looking to get married, so you came to the right place. Look them over and select the one you want.” The man dated the first daughter. The next day the farmer asked for the man’s opinion. “Well” said the man, ” She’s just a weeeeee bit, not that you can hardly notice, but pigeon-toed.”

The farmer nodded and suggested the man date one of the other girls; so the man went out with the second daughter. The next day, the farmer again asked how things went. “Well,” the man replied, “she’s just a weeeee bit, not that you can hardly tell, cross-eyed.”

The farmer nodded and suggested he date the third girl to see if things might be better. So he did. The next morning the man rushed in exclaiming, “She’s perfect, just perfect! She’s the one I want to marry!”

So they were wed right away. Months later the baby was born. When the man visited the nursery he was horrified, the baby was the ugliest, most pathetic human you can imagine.

He rushed to his father-in-law asking how such a thing could happen considering the parents. “Well,” explained the farmer, “she was just a weeeee bit, not that you could hardly tell, pregnant when you met her.”

~~~

Happiness makes up in height for what it lacks in length.

 Robert Frost

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

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