November 10, 2022
The future rewards those who press on. I don’t have time to feel sorry for myself. I don’t have time to complain. I’m going to press on.
You and me have a lot of future ahead and it is up to us what it is going to be. I know I am going to do all I can for myself, my family and my friends. Together we can make the days ahead special. Here is a recipe to help.
Recipe for forever
Gather all of the ingredients together, so that they are close at hand! Get a clean cloth and wipe the bowl clean of any lingering dust from the past.
Take maturity, respect and friendship, and stir gently.
Add unlimited amounts of compassion and kindness, and mix well.
To this, add caring by the handfuls and fold in trust.
Continue stirring gently, adding listening, honesty, and large amounts of communication.
Slip in some dreams, goals, and firm pieces of keeping promises.
Bake in a home filled with peace, beauty and serenity.
Before you taste the finished product, sprinkle liberally with patience, love, and a touch of spice.
Serve very hot, with imagination on the side.
The past is a source of knowledge, and the future is a source of hope. Love of the past implies faith in the future.
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
W. C. Fields (1880 – 1946)
The teacher asked the students to bring one electrical appliance for “Show & Tell,” and the next day every kid had something.
The teacher asks Wendy: What did you bring? “I brought a Walkman.”
“And what is it for?”
“You can listen to music with it!”
“That’s nice Wendy. What did you bring Kenny?” “I brought a ‘lectrical can opener, it opens cans!”
“Well done, Kenny. Umm, Johnny, I see you didn’t bring anything!” “Yes, I did. It’s in the hall.”
So the entire class goes into the hallway.
“Umm, Johnny, what is that?”
“It’s a heart / lung machine hospitals use to keep your heart going.”
“Whoa. What did your father say about you bringing this?”
“He said, ‘AAAARRRGGGH!!!'”
If you want it yesterday, you’ve got to give me at least a week’s notice.
Because I’m a man, when the car isn’t running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I’m looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, “I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn’t, know where to start.” We will then drink beer.
Because I’m a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You’re a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn’t a problem.
Because I’m a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like “cumin” or “tofu.” For all I know, these are the same thing. And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which “feminine hygiene product” is a euphemism.
Because I’m a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as, much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.
Because I’m a man,I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it (though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator).
Because I’m a man, you don’t have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you’re crying at the end of it, I didn’t.
Because I’m a man, and this is, after all, the year 2022, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the gardening, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I’ll do the rest.
This has been a public service message for Women to Better Understand the Male.
“Husbands are awkward things to deal with; even keeping them in hot water will not make them tender.”
Mary Lorraine Buckley
She said: My husband went on a sudden business trip, and I accompanied him. It soon became apparent that he could not wrap things up in one day, so his employer put us up for the night in a luxury hotel. We found a convenience store and purchased toothbrushes, a razor and other necessary items.
Finally we entered the lobby of the hotel, each of us toting a brown paper bag filled with supplies. The hotel manager looked us over.
Raising an eyebrow, he intoned haughtily, “Matched luggage?”
A liberal education makes your mind a pleasant place to spend your leisure time.
Jane was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store. The parrot said to her, “Hey lady, you are really ugly.”
Jane was furious! She stormed past the store to her work. On the way home she saw the same parrot and it said to her, “Hey lady, you are really ugly.”
She was incredibly ticked now.
The next day the same parrot again said to her, “Hey lady, you are really ugly.”
Jane decided to go into the store and told the manager that she would sue the store if they didn’t do something about that rude bird. The store manager apologized profusely and promised he would make sure the parrot didn’t say it again.
When Jane walked past the store that day after work the parrot called to her, “Hey lady.”
She paused and said, “Yes?”
And the bird replied, “You know.”
Study economics not to learn the answers to economic questions, but to learn how to avoid being deceived by economists.
When the car engine developed a slight knock, Bob asked his wife if she had bought special or regular gas, but she couldn’t remember. “You probably got the cheaper gas,” he said. “That could account for the roughness of the engine.”
“No, the gas wasn’t cheaper!” she replied indignantly. “It cost the same as always. I told the man to put in the usual ten dollars worth.”
If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
A southern Baptist minister was completing a temperance sermon.
With great emphasis he said, “If I had all the beer in the world, I’d take it and pour it into the river.”
With even greater emphasis he said, “And if I had all the wine in the world, I’d take it and pour it into the river.”
And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he said, “And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I’d take it and pour it into the river.”
Sermon complete, he then sat down.
The song leader stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, “For our closing song, let us sing Hymn #365, Shall We Gather at the River.”
Sidney says to his friend, “We were so poor when I was young that I had to sleep in the same bed as my three brothers. We slept four-to-a-bed for many years. I didn’t know what it was like to sleep alone until I grew up and married Sadie.”
The power for creating a better future is contained in the present moment: You create a good future by creating a good present.
Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at firstname.lastname@example.org. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of readers from around the world.