Ray’s Daily
November 9, 2022
The “good old times” — all times when old are good.
Lord Byron
Ray’s Daily first published on November 9, 2004
It was on this day in 1965 that New Yorkers rediscovered romance. It was the night that the Great Northeast Blackout began at the height of rush hour, delaying millions of commuters, trapping 800,000 people in New York’s subways, and stranding thousands more in office buildings, elevators, and trains. Altogether, 30 million people in eight U.S. states and the Canadian provinces of Ontario and Quebec were affected by the blackout. During the night, power was gradually restored to the blacked-out areas, and by morning power had been restored throughout the Northeast. Rumor has it that there were record births nine months later.
~~~
I am not sure that I need further reminders off just how fast time flies, but it is had to believe that 15 years ago today German citizens began to demolish the Berlin Wall, which had separated East Germany from West Germany since 1961.
It really hits home when the events of my childhood are looked on as ancient history by so many. Nostalgia has its place; I just prefer it when dates are not attached to some of my memories. The good thing for me is that I seem to have selective memory; I remember the good stuff but can’t remember the other stuff. My life could not possibly be that good.
~~~
It’s the Law!
In Oblong, Illinois, it’s punishable by law to make love while hunting or fishing on your wedding day.
No man is allowed to make love to his wife with the smell of garlic, onions, or sardines on his breath in Alexandria, Minnesota. If his wife so requests, law mandates that he must brush his teeth.
Warn your hubby that after lovemaking in Ames, Iowa, he isn’t allowed to take more than three gulps of beer while lying in bed with you — or holding you in his arms.
Bozeman, Montana, has a law that bans all sexual activity between members of the opposite sex in the front yard of a home after sundown — if they’re nude. (Apparently, if you wear socks, you’re safe from the law!)
In hotels in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, every room is required to have twin beds. And the beds must always be a minimum of two feet apart when a couple rents a room for only one night. And it’s illegal to make love on the floor between the beds!
It’s safe to make love while parked in Coeur d’Alene, Idaho. Police officers aren’t allowed to walk up and knock on the window. Any suspicious officer who thinks that sex is taking place must drive up from behind, honk his horn three times and wait approximately two minutes before getting out of his car to investigate.
Another law in Helena, Montana, mandates that a woman can’t dance on a table in a saloon or bar unless she has on at least three pounds, two ounces of clothing.
In Carlsbad, New Mexico, it’s legal for couples to have sex in a parked vehicle during their lunch break from work, as long as the car or van has drawn curtains to stop strangers from peeking in.
Women aren’t allowed to wear patent-leather shoes in Cleveland, Ohio — a man might see the reflection of something “he oughtn’t!”
~~~
No person was ever honored for what he received. Honor has been the reward for what he gave.
Calvin Coolidge
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Three blondes had just bought a can of Pepsi One and were anxious to try it for the first time.
So the first blonde opened the can and then the second blonde poured it into three glasses.
The third blonde eyed the three glasses suspiciously and said, “I wonder which one has the calorie?”
~~~
“Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies.”
Mother Teresa
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Ways to Deal With Stress
When someone says “have a nice day”, tell them you have other plans.
Make a list of things to do that you have already done.
Fill out your tax form using Roman Numerals.
Leaf through “National Geographic” and draw underwear on the natives.
Read the dictionary upside down and look for secret messages.
Start a nasty rumor and see if you recognize it when it comes back to you.
Make up a language and ask people for directions in it.
Bill your doctor for time spent in his waiting room.
~~~
You never get tired if you rest a lot in advance.
~~~
Soon after marriage, Terri’s husband, Colby stopped wearing his wedding ring. Terri asked, “Why don’t you ever wear your wedding band?”
Colby replied, “It cuts off my circulation.”
Terri answered back, “It’s supposed to!”
~~~
Could it be that the people who have nothing to say are the ones we should listen to?
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Laws Of Slow People
1. Slow people always walk side by side, even if they don’t know each other.
2. They drive side by side, too. If they can’t find another slow driver to pair up with, they drive in the fast lane.
3. Slow walkers never look back. When they drive, they never look in their rearview mirrors, either.
4. Slow people drift sideways, so they will block the path of anyone trying to pass them. If two people, or vehicles, are trying to get around the slow people at the same time, the slow people drift into the path of the one who is moving at the highest speed.
5. Follow behind a slow person in the grocery store and you’ll wind up with soggy ice cream every time.
~~~
I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.
~~~
A physician claims these are actual comments from his patients made while he was performing colonoscopies:
1. “Take it easy, Doc, you’re boldly going where no man has gone before.”
2. “Find Amelia Earhart yet?”
3. “Can you hear me NOW?”
4. “Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?”
5. “You know, in Arkansas, we’re now legally married.”
6. “Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?”
7. “You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out. You do the Hokey Pokey….”
8. “Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!”
9. “If your hand doesn’t fit, you must ! acquit!”
10. “Hey, Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.”
11. “Could you write me a note for my wife, saying that my head is not, in fact, up there??????”
~~~
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
~~~
I hate the idea of going under the knife. So I was very upset when the doctor told me I needed a tonsillectomy. Later, the nurse and I were filling out an admission form. I tried to respond to the questions, but I was so nervous I couldn’t speak. The nurse patted my hand and said, “Don’t worry. This medical problem can easily be fixed, and it’s not a dangerous procedure.”
“You’re right. I’m being silly,” I said, “Please continue.”
“Good,” the nurse went on, “Now, do you have a living will?”
~~~
The reward of a thing well done is to have done it.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.
Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of readers from around the world.
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