Ray’s Daily
November 3, 2022
A person can stand almost anything except a succession of ordinary days.
Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe
I have a full morning so here is Ray’s Daily first published on November 3, 2003
You would think as many times as I have retired I would be use to it by now. While I now am footloose, never fancy, and seldom free, I do find that I miss being involved in some of the good things ahead. Fortunately I am still linked to many who are in the mainstream of the day to day activities dedicated to making it a better world. One of the major issues I do face in the days ahead, is the lack of excuse to attack my backlogs. So much to do and so little time to do it, you all know how it is. I think though before I get into the work of retirement, I will procrastinate some more and call it a vacation. I do have to plan my strategy for my trip to Las Vegas next week, it is the cornerstone of my retirement financial plan.
~~~
The “Bird Lady” was a difficult independent 75 year old who sat in the park feeding the pigeons every day.
One morning she brought with her a whole bun of fresh bread just to feed her daily company.
Little by little, pinch by pinch, she fed each pigeon with joy. She sat there without being noticed by anyone in the rich suburban neighborhood.
Then suddenly a man in his early 40’s rained on her parade by telling her that she shouldn’t throw away good food on a bunch of pigeons that can find food anywhere… when there are a lot of people starving in Africa.
Without hesitation the Bird lady replied angrily: “But I can’t throw that far!”
~~~
Do you know the three times that most people are in church? When they are hatched, matched and dispatched.
~~~
Trying to relate to the younger generation really can go too far.
Trust me the following combinations do not go together:
1. A nose ring and bifocals.
2. Spiked hair and bald spots.
3. A pierced tongue and dentures.
4. Miniskirts and support hose.
5. Ankle bracelets and corn pads.
6. Speedos and cellulite,
7. A bellybutton ring and a gallbladder surgery scar.
8. Unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart monitor.
9. Midriff shirts and midriff bulge.
10. Bikinis and liver spots.
11. Short shorts and varicose veins.
12. In-line skates and a walker.
~~~
The world is not moved only by the mighty shoves of the heroes, but also by the aggregate of the tiny pushes of each honest worker.
Helen Keller
~~~
Boss: “I saw you arguing with that customer. I am going to fire you. You know that our policy is ‘ The customer is always right. ‘ “
Employee: “Yes boss, but he insisted that he was wrong! …What was I supposed to do?”
~~~
Tips for Husbands…
DANGEROUS: What’s for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
DANGEROUS: Are you wearing THAT?
SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: Wow! Look at you!
DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER: Could we be overreacting?
SAFEST: Here’s fifty dollars.
DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
DANGEROUS: What did you DO all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn’t overdo today.
SAFEST: I’ve always loved you in that robe.
~~~
The good Lord didn’t create anything without a purpose, but the fly comes close.
~~~
The boss ordered one of his men to dig a hole eight feet deep. After the job was completed the boss returned and explained an error had been made and the hole wouldn’t be needed. “Fill ‘er up,” he ordered.
The worker did as he’d been told. But he ran into a problem. He couldn’t get all the dirt packed back into the hole without leaving a mound on top. He went to the office and explained his problem.
The boss snorted, “Honestly! The kind of help you get these days! There’s obviously only one thing to do. You’ll have to dig that hole deeper!”
~~~
“I’m officially middle-aged. I don’t need drugs anymore, thank God. I can get the same effect just by standing up real fast.”
Jonathan Katz
~~~
The following was in The Atlanta Journal. This has got to be one of the best “singles ads” ever:
SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I’m a very good looking girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. Rub me the right way and watch me respond. I’ll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Kiss me and I’m yours. Call (404) 875-6420 and ask for Daisy.
Over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the Atlanta Humane Society about an 8-week old black Labrador retriever. Men are so easy.
~~~
“Never ruin an apology with an excuse.”
Kimberly Johnson
~~~
Some members of a health club were having their first meeting. The director of the group said, “Now, I’d like each of you to give the facts of your daily routine.”
Several people spoke, admitting their excesses, and then one obviously overweight member said, “I eat moderately, I drink moderately, and I exercise frequently.”
“Hmm?” said the manager. “And are you sure you having nothing else to add?”
“Well, yes,” said the member. “I lie extensively.”
~~~
In the news the other day, a tractor-trailor loaded with brand-new file folders was hijacked. Later the same day, a truck carrying boxes of Post-its was stolen. Authorities are still investigating, but they believe the robberies were the work of organized crime.
~~~
“Be happy. It’s one way of being wise.”
Colette
~~~
Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.
Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of readers from around the world.
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