Ray's musings and humor


Ray’s Daily

October 31, 2022


Ray’s Daily first published on October 31, 2000

“Sticky fingers, tired feet; one last house, trick or treat!”

Rusty Fischer

Today is Halloween and Nevada admission day (to the US, I presume).

I wonder if there is a connection, it might explain Vegas.


“There” is no better than “here,” When your “there” has become a “here,” you will simply obtain another “there” that again, looks better than “here.”
What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need; what you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours.

I wish these guys would quit putting so much pressure on me with all this wisdom. Ray


A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.


Judy sends us this shocking news:

It is with a heavy heart that I pass on the following news. The Pillsbury Doughboy died on Monday of a severe yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes to the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out, including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Uncle Ben, Betty Crocker, The Hostess Twinkies, Francesca Rinaldi, and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours as longtime friend, Marie Callendar delivered the eulogy, describing Doughboy as a man who, “Never knew how much he was kneaded.”  Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with many turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, even as a crusty old man, he was considered a roll model for millions.  Toward the end, it was thought he’d rise once again, but he was no pop tart.

Doughboy is survived by his second wife Play Dough. They have two children and one in the oven.  The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.


If it’s not broke, let me take a crack at it.


He said:

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
ALL men see in only 16 colors. Peach is a fruit, not a color.
If it itches, it will be scratched.
Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
If we ask what’s wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you’re lying, but it’s just not worth the hassle.


More workplace truths:

Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour.

To err is human, to forgive is not our policy.

Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn’t the work he/she is supposed to be doing.

Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.

If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.

You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk.

People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn’t.


I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was, “You’ll never find anyone like me again!” I’m thinking, ‘I should hope not? If I don’t want you, why would I want someone like you?’

Larry Miller


She said:

Why do women live longer than men?

Someone has to stick around and clean up after them.

Why do women pay so much attention to their appearance than to improving their minds?

Because most men are stupid, but few are blind.


Have you ever noticed…. Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

George Carlin


Stupid People for A Stupid Planet…

1. A HIGHER INTELLIGENCE… AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership.” He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it’s not Walter who’s lacking intelligence.

2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS! Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them, shouting “Please come out and give yourself up”.

3. WHAT WAS PLAN B??? An Illinois man pretending to have a gun kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines. The kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.

4. THE GETAWAY! A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop, and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.

5. DID I SAY THAT??? Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn’t control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words, “Give me all your money or I’ll shoot,” the man shouted, “that’s not what I said!”

6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING?? A man spoke frantically into the phone, “My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!” “Is this her first child?” the doctor asked. “No!” the man shouted, “This is her husband!”

7. NOT THE SHARPEST KNIFE IN THE DRAWER!! In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket.


“The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because generally they are the same people.”
G. K. Chesterton

A middle-aged guy is out to dinner with his wife to celebrate her fortieth birthday.

He says, “So what would you like, Julie? A Jaguar? A sable coat? A diamond necklace?”

She says, “Bernie, I want a divorce.”

“My goodness, I wasn’t planning on spending that much.”


Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached.

A guy gets pulled over by the cops. The officer walks up to car and says ‘Excuse me Sir but do you realise your wife fell out of the car two miles back.’
‘Thank God for that’ says the man ‘I thought I’d gone deaf’


“Why do vampires always chase down Christians? Why not Jews, or Arabs? You know, somebody who won’t be carrying a cross!”


“Some people are so afraid to die that they never begin to live.”

Henry Van Dyke


Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.


Comments on: "BOO!!" (1)

  1. happy halloween!

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