October 27, 2022
“Forget yesterday, live for today. Tomorrow will take care of itself.”
I hope like I am that you’re going to have a good day. I have canceled anything requiring stamina. So now I will start with a nap. Hope you enjoy today.
I have shut the door on yesterday,
Its sorrows and mistakes.
I have locked within its gloomy walls
Past failures and mistakes.
And now I throw the key away,
And seek another room.
And furnish it with hope and smiles,
And every spring-time bloom.
No thought shall enter this abode
That has a taint of pain.
And envy, malice, and distrust
Shall never entrance gain.
I have shut the door on yesterday
And thrown the key away.
Tomorrow holds no fear for me,
Since I have found today.
“I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.”
Over dinner, Jill said to John, “I met this horrible and rude man downtown this morning, and right away I knew he was a troublemaker. He started to insult me; he used really bad language; he even threatened me!”
“How did you meet this fellow?” John asked, very concerned.
Jill said, “Well, we met by accident, I hit him with the car.”
Here’s a new invention — a solar-powered clothes dryer. It’s called a clothes line
He said: My job is in the Aerospace industry and it’s always been a challenge to explain just what kind of work I do.
At one gathering, I tried several unsuccessful attempted explanations before deciding to be as generic as possible. When the subject came up while I was talking with a group of guys, I replied simply, “Defense Contractor.”
The men nodded and as the conversation went on, I silently declared victory to myself. Then one of them turned to me and asked, “So, what do you put up mainly? Chain link?”
When I was a child, I remember my mom telling me, “Son, when you grow up, you can marry any girl you please.” When I became a young man, I learned the sad fact was that I could not please any of them.
She said: We had been on the road for 15 hours en route from New York to California and were looking for a place to spend the night. At four different motels, however, we were told, “Sorry, no vacancies.”
Heading back to the car, my seven-year-old son asked solemnly, “Mom, are we vacancies?”
Many of our fears are tissue paper thin and a single courageous step would carry us clear through them.
Brendan Francis Behan
Three weeks after her wedding day, Joanna called her minister. “Reverend,” she wailed, “John and I had a DREADFUL fight!”
“Calm down, my child,” said the minister, “it’s not half as bad as you think. Every marriage has to have its first fight!”
“I know, I know!” said Joanna. “But what am I going to do with the BODY?”
Love doesn’t make the world go ’round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile.
A drunkard was brought to court. Just before the trial there was a commotion in the gallery. The judge pounded the gravel on his table and shouted, “Order, order.”
The drunkard immediately responded, “Thank you, you honor, I’ll have a Scotch and soda.”
The real measure of your wealth is how much you’d be worth if you lost all your money.
An 85-year-old widow went on a blind date with a 90-year-old man. When she returned to her daughter’s house later that night, she seemed upset.
“What happened, Mother?” the daughter asked.
“I had to slap his face three times!”
“You mean he got fresh?”
“No,” she answered, “I thought he was dead.”
There are three types of people: Those who can count, and those who can’t.
A woman and a baby waited in the doctor’s examining room, waiting for him to come in. The doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight and commented the baby wasn’t gaining enough weight. He then asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.
“Breast fed,” the woman replied.
“Well, strip down to your waist,” the doctor ordered. She did.
He pressed, kneaded, and pinched both breasts for a while in a detailed examination. Motioning to her to get dressed he said, “No wonder this baby is hungry. You don’t have any milk.”
“I know,” she said, “I’m his Grandma … but I’m glad I came.”
You’re getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster
“Live today. Not yesterday. Not tomorrow. Just today. Inhabit your moments. Don’t rent them out to tomorrow.”
Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.
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