October 14, 2022
Learning how to learn is life’s most important skill.
Ray’s Daily first published on October 14, 2002
Well my Doctor was relatively kind. Her primary comment was that she was glad I had gotten over my Anorexia, she just wished that I had not gotten over it by 100 pounds.
No matter how old we are, we still have much to learn.
After awhile you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul and you learn that love doesn’t mean possession and company doesn’t mean security.
And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts and presents aren’t promises and you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes ahead with the grace of an adult not the grief of a child.
And you learn to build your roads today because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans and futures have ways of falling down in mid-flight.
After awhile you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much so you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure that you really are strong
and you really do have worth
and you learn
and you learn…
Veronica A. Shoffstall
A nun is walking down the street, when suddenly a punk jumps out of the bushes and hits her over the head, proceeds to kick her in the groin and break her nose with a massive left hook. As the nun is lying bleeding on the floor, the guy looks down and says: You’re getting slow in your old age, Batman.
“Chaos, Panic, Disorder . . . My Work Here Is Done”
Good one Jane!
You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night. You pass by a bus stop, and you see three people waiting for the bus:
1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
2. An old friend who once saved your life.
3. The perfect man (or) woman you have been dreaming about.
Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car.
Think before you continue reading.
This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application.
You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first; or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back.
However, you may never be able to find your perfect dream lover again.
The candidate who was hired! (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up with his answer. I love this, I may actually use it sometime for an interview situation.
WHAT DID HE SAY?
He simply answered: “I would give the car keys to my old friend, and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the woman of my dreams.”
Never forget to “Think Outside of the Box.”
“Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadow.”
One day, Jimmy Joe was walking down Main Street when he saw his buddy Bubba driving a brand new pickup. Bubba pulled up to him with a wide grin.
“Bubba, where’d you get that truck?!?”
“Bobby Sue gave it to me,” Bubba replied.
“She gave it to you? I knew she was kinda sweet on ya, but a new truck?”
“Well, Jimmy Joe, let me tell you what happened… We were driving out on County Road 6, in the middle of nowhere. Bobby Sue pulled off the road, put the truck into 4-wheel drive, and headed into the woods. She parked the truck, got out, threw off all her clothes and said, ‘Bubba, take whatever you want.’ So, I took the truck!”
“Bubba, you a smart man! Them clothes woulda never fit you.”
Elections: Things that are held to see if the polls were right.
A stockbroker was cold calling about a penny stock and found a taker. “I think this one will really move said the broker, it’s only $1 a share.”
“Buy me 1000 shares.” said the client.
The next day the stock was at $2. The client called the broker and said, “You were right, give me 5000 more shares.”
The next day the client looked in the paper and the stock was at $4.
The client ran to the phone and called the broker, “Get me 10,000 more shares said the client.”
“Great!” said the broker.
The next day the client looked in the paper and the stock was at $9.
Seeing what a great profit he had in just a few days, the client ran to the phone and told the broker, “Sell all my shares!”
The broker said, “To whom? You were the only one buying that stock.”
Streakers beware: Your end is in sight!
Three mothers were sitting around comparing notes on their exemplary offspring. “There never was a daughter more devoted than my Alice,” said Mrs. Davis with a sniff. “Every summer she takes me to the Catskills for a week, and every winter we spend a week at Delray Beach.”
“That’s nothing compared to what my Anna does for me,” declared Mrs. Jones proudly. “Every winter she treats me to two weeks in Miami, and in the summer, two weeks in the Hamptons, in my own private guest house.”
Mrs. Smith sat back with a proud smile. “Nobody loves her mother like my Jackie does. Nobody.”
“So what does she do?” asked the two women, turning to her.
“Three times a week she gets into a cab, goes to the best psychiatrist in the city, and pays him a hundred and fifty dollars an hour – just to talk about me!”
The difference between ignorance and apathy? I don’t know, and I couldn’t care less…
Judy shares the secrets to a Great Relationship
1. It is important to find a man who works around the house, occasionally cooks and cleans and who has a job.
2. It is important to find a man who makes you laugh.
3. It is important to find a man who is dependable and doesn’t lie.
4. It is important to find a man who’s good in bed and who loves to have sex with you.
5. It is then extremely important that these four men never meet.
To be loved, be lovable.
Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.
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