October 10, 2022
“One can be very happy without demanding that others agree with them.”
Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe
I am off to the dentist so here is another blast from the past. Ray’s Daily first published on October 10, 2002
I am sure you know that being agreeable is not the same as agreeing to everything others think. But we can be agreeable. Just look around you and decide who you would rather spend time with, someone who is disagreeable or some one who is agreeable. That’s how people choose us as well. Ann Landers provided some tips that are worth remembering.
1. Keep skid chains on your tongue, always say less than you think. Cultivate a low, persuasive voice. How you say it counts as much as what you say.
2. Make promises sparingly, and keep them faithfully, no matter what.
3. Never let an opportunity pass to say a kind and encouraging word to or about somebody. Praise good work, regardless of who did it. If criticism is needed, criticize helpfully, never spitefully.
4. Be interested in others, their pursuits, their work, their homes and families. Make merry with those who rejoice, with those who weep, mourn. Let everyone you meet, however humble, feel that you regard him as a person of importance.
5. Be cheerful. Don’t burden or depress those around you by dwelling on your minor aches and pains and small disappointments. Remember, everyone is carrying some kind of load.
6. Keep an open mind. Discuss, but don’t argue. It is a mark of a superior mind to be able to disagree without being disagreeable.
7. Let your virtues speak for themselves. Refuse to talk of another’s vices. Discourage gossip. It is a waste of valuable time and can be extremely destructive.
8. Be careful of another’s feelings. Wit and humor at the other person’s expense are rarely worth it and may hurt when least expected.
9. Pay no attention to ill-natured remarks about you. Remember, the person who carried the message may not be the most accurate reporter in the world. Simply live so that nobody will believe them. Disordered nerves and bad digestion are a common cause of backbiting.
10. Don’t be too anxious about credit due you. Do your best and be patient. Forget about yourself, and let others “remember.” Success is much sweeter that way.
There’s this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery. One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, “If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I’ll quit!”
Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say they had “fallen.”
This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well, until the priest died at a ripe old age. About a week after the new priest arrived, he visited the mayor of the town and seemed very concerned.
The priest said, “You have to do something about the sidewalks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep talking about having fallen.”
The mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had told the new priest about the code word.
Before the mayor could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at the mayor and said, “I don’t know what you’re laughing about, your wife fell three times this week.”
“Universal peace sounds ridiculous to the head of an average family.”
One of those physical fitness club franchises was preparing to enter the international market. They placed ads in newspapers all over the county for people who could represent them on a tour. The ad said:
We’re looking for five men in peak physical condition. Must be able to speak Spanish, French, Chinese, or Japanese. Must be knowledgeable about weights, aerobics, and at least two major sports.
The day after the ad appeared, a heavy man of about 70 appeared in the offices of the fitness club. “I’m here about the ad,” he said.
The bronzed Adonis behind the desk looked surprised, but decided to be polite. “Do you speak Spanish or French?” he asked.
“Nope,” the old man said.
“No, both times.”
“Know anything about weights or aerobic exercises?”
“Only that I wouldn’t be caught dead with either one.”
“How about sports?”
“I’ve never played anything more taxing than checkers.”
“I see,” the young man said. “Tell me something. Why did you come here?”
“To tell you to count me out.”
An eternity is very, very long, especially towards the end.
A nervous taxpayer watches with growing unhappiness as an IRS tax auditor goes over his records, making notations on a legal pad.
Finally, the auditor finishes his work. He turns to the taxpayer and says, “We feel it is a great privilege to be allowed to live and work in the United States. As a citizen, you have an obligation to pay taxes, and we expect you to eagerly pay them with a smile.”
“Thank goodness,” the man says, a grin spreading from ear to ear. “I thought you were going to want me to pay with cash!”
Natives who beat drums to drive off evil spirits are objects of scorn to smart Americans who blow horns to break up traffic jams.
A couples happy married life almost went on the rocks because of the presence in the household of old Aunt Emma. For seventeen long years she lived with them, always crotchety, always demanding. Finally, the old girl died.
On the way back from the cemetery, the husband confessed to his wife, “Darling, if I didn’t love you so much, I don’t think I would have put up with having your Aunt Emma in the house all those years.”
His wife looked at him aghast. “My Aunt Emma!” she cried. “I thought she was ‘your’ Aunt Emma!”
“I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.”
An older couple went on a cruise for their anniversary.
Their conversation with the other couples they met tended towards political and international events.
At one point, the husband asked, “Honey, what do you think about the Middle East position?”
She replied, “Oh, I don’t know, dear, you know I’m not into any of that kinky stuff.”
“Remember in elementary school, you were told that in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic in that? What, do tall people burn slower?”
When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth and love has always won.
There have been tyrants, and murderers, and for a time they can seem invincible, but in the end they always fall, always.
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