Ray's musings and humor

Have a good week

Ray’s Daily

September 26, 2022

http://rays-daily.com

“Find Your Peace And Live In It.”

Yohancé Salimu

I hope you have a good week, I know I hope I will. Today I get flu and covid booster inoculations. I will end the week with a hematology exam to check on my anemia. The rest of the time I will concentrate on staying positive and do what I can for my wife.

3 Things to Remember When Life Does NOT Go as Planned

1. Appreciate how far you’ve come in recent times. You’ve been through a lot, but you’ve grown a lot too. Give yourself credit for your strength and resilience. You have good reason to believe that you can trust yourself going forward, not because you’ve always made the right choices, but because you’ve survived and grown in many ways from the bad ones.

2. In the end, loving yourself is about enjoying your life, trusting your own feelings, taking chances, losing and finding happiness, cherishing the memories, and learning from the past. Sometimes you have to stop worrying, wondering, and doubting. Have faith that things will work out, maybe not exactly how you planned, but just how it’s meant to be. Just keep doing your best, and don’t force what’s not yet supposed to fit into your life. It will happen when it’s time. Your situation is evolving.

3. Life should be touched, not strangled 24/7. Sometimes you’ve got to relax and let life happen without incessant worry and micromanagement. Learn to let go a little before you squeeze too tight. Take a deep breath. When the dust settles and you can once again see the forest for the trees, take the next step forward. And remember that you don’t have to know exactly where you’re going to be headed somewhere great…

So today, practice using frustration and disappointment to motivate you rather than annoy you. Breathe and be mindful. You are NOT in control of everything, but you ARE in control of the way you respond to life. And in your response is your power.

Angel Chernoff

~~~

“To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.”

Bindi Irwin

~~~

An old lady tottered into a lawyer’s office and asked for help in arranging a divorce. “A divorce?” asked the unbelieving lawyer. “Tell me, how old are you?”

“I’m eighty-four,” answered the old lady.

“Eighty-four!  And how old is your husband?”

“My husband is eighty-seven.”

“My, my,” said the lawyer, “and how long have you been married?”

“Next September will be sixty-two years.”

“Married sixty-two years?!  Why would you want a divorce now?”

“Because,” the woman answered calmly, “enough is enough.”

~~~

“I’m a PBS person living in an MTV world.”

~~~

Resumes can have misleading information. This guide should help clear any confusion…

* Bright: Wears a lot of yellow and red – usually together.

* Intelligent: Got 3 gold stars for spelling in first grade.

* Computer Literate: Knows the difference between a mouse and a keyboard.

* Excellent Communication Skills: Knows everybody’s personal business.

* Detailed Oriented: Will spend eight hours perfecting a two-minute job.

* Prompt: First one out the door at quitting time.

* Friendly: Watch out for attractive members of your staff.

* Dependable: Can depend on them to be the last one there in the morning.

~~~

I’m getting along nicely with my wife. Things are getting better. Every once in a while I say those three magic words:  “You’ve lost weight.”

~~~

Tom was so excited about his promotion to Vice President of the company and he kept bragging about it to his wife for weeks on end.

Finally she couldn’t take it any longer, and told him, “Listen, it means nothing, they even have a vice president of peas at the grocery store!”.

“Really?” he said. Not sure if this was true or not, Tom decided to call the grocery store.

A clerk answers and Tom says “Can I please talk to the Vice President of peas?”

The clerk replies “Fresh, canned or frozen?”

~~~

I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top.

English Professor, Ohio University

~~~

A flight attendant for a major airline, watched one day as a passenger overloaded with bags tried to stuff his belongings in the overhead bin of the plane.

Finally, she informed him that he would have to check the oversized luggage.

“When I fly other airlines,” he said irritably, “I don’t have this problem.”

She smiled and replied, “When you fly other airlines, I don’t have this problem either.”

~~~

The cost of living hasn’t affected its popularity.

~~~

Every morning for years, at about 11:30, the telephone operator in a small Sierra-Nevada town received a call from a man asking the exact time. One day the operator summed up nerve enough to ask him why the regularity.

“I’m foreman of the local sawmill,” he explained. “Every day I have to blow the whistle at noon so I call you to get the exact time.”

The operator giggled, “That’s really funny,” she said. “All this time we’ve been setting our clock by your whistle.

~~~

When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.”

~~~

Readers of William Safire’s “On Language” column in THE NEW YORK TIMES MAGAZINE were asked to give sports-related definitions for common words:

  • Superficial:  A really good referee
  • Beleaguered:  Stuck in the semipros
  • Hermit:  Girl’s baseball glove
  • Saturnine:  Baseball team that plays on weekends
  • Truncate:  Tailgate party given by a compact-car owner
  • Wrinkle:  A small hockey arena
  • Haiku:  Signal to center from a Japanese quarterback 

~~~

“A college jock is someone who minds his build instead of vice versa!”

~~~

My friend Terry, a former school teacher by the way, sent us this example of a language problem.

Why men aren’t secretaries…….

Husband’s note on refrigerator to his wife:

“Someone from the Guyna Colleges called. They said the Pabst beer is normal.  I didn’t know you liked beer.”

~~~

“Always be yourself. At the end of the day, that’s all you’ve really got; when you strip everything down, that’s all you’ve got, so always be yourself.”

Al Roker

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

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